Post by WilsonTheVolleyball on Jan 19, 2015 9:40:36 GMT -5
OOC: Ricky Valdez = white
Randy Valdez = Yellow
It'll catch on soon enough.... Hopefully.
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"Hey, what's up guys? Ricky Valdez here!"
"Randy Valdez too!"
"And things are a-poppin'!"
"They sure are Ricky. Should I break the news to the world, or should you?"
"Nah man I got this."
"Good because I got this."
Randy reaches for a slice of pizza. Ricky and Randy are both sitting on the couch in their living room apartment. It's generally pretty tidy, except for the coffee table which has been taken over by a few pizza boxes and empty cans of Coca-Cola. There's also a laptop on the table facing the Valdez brothers. Randy goes back to chewing on his pizza.
"Sounds good. Okay so first order of business. Welcome to Common.Tary with Awe.Some, which is easily the most entertaining and grammatically incorrectly webcast around!"
"It's also not excluseive to our new home. I'm Ricky Valdez as I just said no less than five seconds ago. That's my older brother Randy. And we're here to party! Let's get some background music (click me) going on!"
Randy just nods and chews
"This is practically royalty free music at this point, Randy! Come on. Hands in the air! Like you just don't care!"
Ricky and Randy are swaying side to side with hands in the air. Randy still chewing on pizza.
"And although you can't see her at the moment, our sister Rachel edits and produces this show for all you guys to enjoy! She'll jump in from time to time, but it'll largely just be when we need to jump to another segment or if we mess up and need a second take. It'll be pretty obvious when that happens as your computer will temporarily buffer whilst we scramble. Ideally that shouldn't happen too often. We are however still trying to learn the ins and outs of what we can say on OCW's website so we're just apologizing now if we totally fuck up-"
"Okay, so I was told we probably shouldn't push our language until we get some kind of memo from the boss man."
"Alright, so as was alluded to before I broke away from the script because pizza > news, Awe.Some is stepping back into the ring! We have admittedly struggled to find some work as of late, but some of that isn't helped by the fact that no wrestling promotion out there seems to want to establish itself as something truly different. We had a brief period in which we were up north for a bit and while that promotion folded faster than Quebec's efforts for secession, I did get this sweet Maple Syrup Championship Belt out of the deal!"
Randy reaches behind the soda, then pulls out a pretty generic title. The belt most notably features a large gold-plated maple syrup bottle. Randy leans back, proud of himself.
"No lie. That is a pretty awesome belt. But we were about to give up our efforts in searching for a new home when Rachel brought OCW to our attention."
"Outlaw Championship Wrestling?"
"Wrestlers from Texas? Who in hell would think that's an original idea?"
"..."
Ricky and Randy both look at the camera.
"No, we recently inked deals with the other OCW: Online Championship Wrestling. Of course if you're watching this, then you're aware of that."
"Nice pitch, Ricky."
"Hold on now! I have a problem here though. Look at this picture they put up on OCW's homepage:"
"What is THAT about?!"
"Seems fine to me."
"No. Why do you look like you're fresh off a pirate ship after sailing through the Caribbean seas, probably spending weeks making love to beautiful women, while I look like I'm about to hit the drive-thru because I was too lazy to find an actual proper shirt?"
"Hey man, I just provide Rachel with some sample photos she asked for. Whichever one she submits after that is out of my hands. Besides, you really should take better care of yourself."
Randy wipes pizza crumbs from his hands, then reaches for a Dos Equis beer on the table. He opens it, rather loudly, and begins to drink.
"Really?"
Sigh.
"Okay so one of the fun things about OCW is the idea of the wrestlers submitting matches. We know it was one of the main selling points to get us here."
"There's no denying that. Imagining the possibilities we could come up with!"
"Well, thanks to modern technology, we don't have to imagine so much as we can now tell you some ideas we have."
Ricky and Randy both pull out a piece of paper from their pockets. Respectively of course. The sound of paper being unfolded fills the room for a second or two. Words words words.
"So probably one of the better ideas I could come up with in time for this is what I call a Treasure Match. It'll take place on a beach or beach setting."
"Ooooh."
"So the wrestlers all start the match in the ring. The match goes on for a pre-determined period of time. Let's say 10 minutes. For that time, no wrestler can leave the ring. If they are thrown out, they must immediately get back into the ring. Once that ten minutes is up, then wrestlers are free to leave the ring."
"Why on Earth would they want to do that, Ricky?"
"Glad you asked, Randy! You see, across the ringside beach setting they'll be countless tressure chests scattered to and fro. There could be as few as two. There could be as many as ten! Nearly all the chests are empty, but one of the chests will contain whatever belt is on the line. The goal is to find the chest with the belt and then return the belt to the ring. The first person back in the ring with the belt wins the match"
"Hey that works perfectly with my sexy pirate look!"
"Ya know I didn't even consider that..."
"Here's one idea I had! A Merchandise Match. This would work much in the way of a ladder match, only instead of one hook hanging above the ring, it could be two. Each hook has some merchandise item of one of the wrestlers or teams involved."
"Shirts?"
"Hats!"
"Koozies!"
"So in order to win the match, you have the scale the ladder and pull down the item that you are associated with. So if it's Awe.Some versus Jo Shmo, then we'd have to retrieve the Awe.Some shirts. Here's the catch though: the loser of the match has to be seen with the winner's merchandise for the next month. They cannot do anything degrading to the products. They must shamefully wear the merchandise of the victors for an entire month. It could also work as a stand alone stipulation for any match if people aren't down for the ladder stuff."
"Hot damn! Let's hope we don't lose to any women who have their own line of panties. That might be a bit rough."
"Alright folks! It's time for one of our more entertaining segments. Product Fedding or P-Fedding for short."
"For those of you who are not familiar with Common.Tary, this is one of the fun little games Ricky and I like to play."
"Here's how it works. In front of each of us, there's a card with a product on it. We read our card to see which product we have, then have them battle it out for dollar supremacy. Dude you should put your Maple Syrup Championship on the line."
"You mean my prestigious singles title that I risked life and limb for? Sure why not."
"Rachel, take it away."
Ricky and Randy pick up the cards placed before them and silently read what's written on them. We cut to-
"Hi! I'm Rachel Valdez and it's time to P-Fed! Today's match-up is..."
BACONATOR -VERSUS- SON OF BACONATOR
(Ricky) (Randy)
Back to Awe.Some.
"It's time for you to step aside old man. Your time has come and long since gone the way of Dave Thomas. This is my time, the Son of Baconator's time to shine. The bacon game has changed. While you do offer an overwhelming amount of beef, you've lost touched with what has made our family great – the bacon. I'm revolutionizing the way bacon is ingested, by making sure you don't feel like a tub of lard by the time you're done with your meal. I actually make sure you have room to enjoy the other things, such as the fries or the Frosty. You? You're just taking up space like the old boring fart you are."
"Watch your mouth, boy. I brought you into this world and I can take you out easier than tossing you into the first trash bin before pulling into traffic. You're hardly revolutionizing anything, squirt. When I came onto the scene years ago, there were news stories wondering if the human heart can handle what I have to offer. I'm one of the baddest bastards in this business. My name has quickly ascended pass the Big Mac and is being hailed as a legit challenger to the Whopper. The fact is that I'm the real deal around here."
"You just admitted that you're known for all the wrong reasons. You make people feel sick just by looking at you. Your price doesn't help either. Why should I have to pay damn near six dollars for just the sandwich? If I want the meal, we're talking close to ten bucks! For that price, I may as well head to the best steakhouse in town. At least they won't skimp on the bacon."
"That's all you got? The bacon? Son, I've been doing this long enough to tell you that the bacon ain't shit. The bacon don't rule me and I damn sure won't let the bacon tell me to take a backseat. At the end of the day, I'm a burger first and foremost; not some BLT from Subway made by some vegetarian liberal arts major."
"You're so blinded by your own arrogance that you can't even see your downfall coming. You act like you're on top of the menu, when in reality you're just #4."
"That's still ahead of you, boy. You think people honestly look at the first three items on the menu? They come for the one, the only, the Baconator. I might be double the age of you, but I'm double the beef. Get out of here with your talk of side items. Nobody eats that shit. I'm still the main attraction around here. You? You'll be lucky if you aren't on the value menu this time next year."
DING DING DING!
"Here is your winner... BACONATOR!"
Ricky fist pumps the air while Randy throws his card on the floor. Randy hands the Maple Syrup Championship to Ricky, who then puts it on his shoulder.
"Alright folks, that's gonna do it for now."
"Our shows probably won't be this long in the future, but we had to get the formalities out of the way. We'll do one of these every so often. We don't promise an exact schedule because, well, we got video games to play. So we just do these whenever we feel compelled too. Plus that gives us an out in case we never do another episode again."
"So that's it for our first OCW edition of Common.Tary, the show so grammatically incorrect it makes grammar nazis scream. We've been told we're going to compete at Revenge next month, but we have no idea how we'll be involved. We'll have to wait and see, but we should know something soon enough."
"Want to be a guest on the show? Hit up Rachel @awesomerachelv"
"See ya!"