Which is worse? Time Traveling Grimace or THE PROCTOLOGIST?

[Ehud Gray II]

Ehud is asleep on a hammock in what appears to be his living room. A banjo plays gently in the background. The old man looks at peace. Birds chirp somewhere in the distance. His eyes open wide and he looks around the room, as though looking for The Time Traveling Grimace. Pulling himself out of the hammock he looks around the room.



Ehud: The good part about being single is that you don’t have to explain why you can only sleep in a hammock..



He walked into his kitchen and looked at the coffee maker. There was coffee in it, but it’s unclear how long it’s been in there. Ehud pulls the pot out and sniffs it. It smells like coffee, so he pours himself a cup of the cold black liquid and drinks it.



Ehud: Nice quiet day.. like most days..



His front door swung open and his bizarre son, THE PROCTOLOGIST stumbles in and slams the door behind him. He turns and looks around the house, his eyes bulging and looking batshit crazy. He is wearing a suit, but noticeably has the same clock around his neck that Ehud’s mortal enemy The Time Traveling Grimace wears.



Ehud: No knocking!?



PROCTOLOGIST: I am from the future! Two weeks in the future to be exact..



Ehud looks at his son with a confused look.



Ehud: What the fuck?



PROCTOLOGIST: You need to get ready for this match..



Ehud: I already wrestled my last match.



PROCTOLOGIST: You wrestled your last serious match.. but apparently I signed us up for this bullshit..



Ehud: Who are we fighting?



PROCTOLOGIST: Tony the Spider and-


Ehud rolled his eyes. He was too old for this shit.



Ehud: He’s nothing of a threat, we can fight him..



PROCTOLOGIST: Listen.. if you don’t take this seriously, something bad could happen.



Ehud: I’ve already wrestled my last match.. why don’t you get your son to do it?



PROCTOLOGIST: We might want him to be a serious wrestler someday, so there’s no way we can associate him with this terrible Distopia bullshit.



The old man groaned and sipped his coffee.



Ehud: So you got anything else to tell me? Lottery numbers or something?



PROCTOLOGIST: No, but your son will be here in a few minutes and will tell you that The Time Traveling Grimace stole his golden peach statue.. I’m gonna go back in time and stop him from doing that though. So.. maybe he won't.


Ehud: Why.. how.. can you travel through time?



PROCTOLOGIST: Well in 2 weeks The Time Traveling Grimace returns my golden peach statue and teaches me the secrets of time travel.



Ehud grumbles under his breath.



Ehud: How considerate of him.. It’s bad enough we have a time traveling murderous and thieving Grimace.. you’re so much worse.



The man and his son glare at each other. THE PROCTOLOGIST grabs the clock that is hung around his neck like he’s Flavor Flav and seems to disappear. Ehud rolls his eyes and walks back to his hammock with his coffee and begins climbing into it as the scene fades to darkness.