Post by TLS on Nov 25, 2022 12:35:04 GMT -5
~A FAP logo is spray painted on a cardboard sign sitting on the tailgate. The ringleader, ThunderNickels and his right hand man Knuckleboy crouch down in front while Willy Whiskey and Melody, the blind and mute chick, flank either side of the truck. A basic drum and bass beat plays as the FAPpers start to whip out their phones. Knuckleboy reads his lines from his phone as he begins spitting bars. Whiskey and ThunderNickels fall in behind throwing up various gang signs. Melody starts making weird gyrating movements with her body, as if she is possessed.~
Knuckleboy: I'm a ruthless bastard willing to do anything to survive. Hit you in the knee, bite you in the dick, smack you in the eye. I may be a little overweight, but I got some muscle. So don't hate on my flow, and don't stop my hustle. I'm completely psychotic, and predictably unpredictable. If you fuck with me, you're just despicably despicable.
~Melody stares off camera making random gang signs and weird gyrations. Knuckleboy goes over to her to reposition her to face the camera. Still blind and mute, she continues making gang signs while the others act hard. ThunderNickels hops in front of her for his turn.~
ThunderNickels: Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Uh. Yo. Ok. I'm not the brightest bulb in the box, but I'm tough as nails. I've got strong opinions and I can't read braille. I'm a filthy bastard, and I talk a lot of trash. Yo.yo.yo.yo. If you don't like my rhymes I'm beating your ass.
Willy Whiskey( jumps into center) : this is the only thing I'm good at, this is what pays. I like to harass old ladies and make them say. You little filthy bastard, where's your momma? Bitch I'm sleepy. So where's my pajama? Yo. Uh.
(In Unison): We're the FAP boys FAP boys. Whatchu gonna do when we come for you? We're the FAP boys FAP boys. Whatchu gonna do when we come for you?
~After Whiskey finishes, he pulls a giant turkey leg from his back pocket and takes a huge bite. Suddenly, a long-haired hispanic kid with a mustache busts through the sign, having been hiding behind it in the truck bed the whole time. As he bursts through, he falls off the tailgate and ‘crashes’ into his fellow ‘gangsters’ knocking them over like bowling pins. The rap comes to an abrupt halt as we draw back to see all of this taking place on a computer screen. PIC and TLS have pulled up ‘The Official FAP Boys Gang’ Facebook page and are watching a Facebook Live video of the group in real time. Sandy and Myles stand behind them as well.~
TLS: It shouldn’t be too hard to locate these guys. I can use this to geo locate them and—
Sandy: Got it. They’re at Tompkins Square Park.
~TLS and PIC both turn with a look of surprise.~
PIC: How do you know that?
Sandy: I commented on the video and asked where they were. Knuckleboy responded.
~The tag partners look at each other in disbelief.~
Sandy: I told you they were stupid.
Myles: Stupid or not, they stole all our turkeys. If we don’t get them back we won’t have anything to serve for Thanksgiving dinner.
PIC: Don’t worry, we’ll get those turkeys back.
Sandy: Shouldn’t we at least notify the police?
TLS: No cops. Let us handle it.
—------------------------------
~TLS and PIC arrive at Tompkins Square park. They walk swiftly past the ballfield and around the recreation center to the parking area. They find the FAP boys, passing around a bottle of white zinfandel and eating turkey. TLS and PIC approach them cautiously. Once they are into view they call out. ~
TLS: Hey you no good FAPpers, we're going to need those turkeys back.
PIC: Yeah boys. There are people in need.
~ ThunderNickles gets to his feet and speaks for the group.~
ThunderNickels: Look here you old geezers. We’re doing no such thing. We gonna go sell dem turkeys and make some scrilla.
Willy Whiskey: You old farts think you can tell us what to do? Come and try.
TLS: Look I don’t want to hurt anybody, especially some kids who aren’t all there.
PIC: We could have called the cops, but we didn’t want you guys to go to jail and be somebody’s JPD in prison. So just give us the truck and the turkeys and we’ll be on our way.
Knuckleboy: What are you guys? Some kind of bootleg superhero team or something? Going around doing good deeds? That’s so lame.
PIC: You know what’s lame kid? There’s a guy named TK in OCW who is the worst wrestler in a four man group, but suddenly came down with a case of the Mike Masons demanding a title shot. And just like Mason, he’s done absolute dick to deserve it. He doesn’t want to put in the work to earn his spot… if he did, the whole world would know he’s a career loser. His only success has been with Bobby Bourbon pissing around in second rate wrestling companies with brash attitudes spewing a bunch of nonsense. But this isn’t some bland as hell snooze fest of a company like XWF. All the wrestlers in OCW have actual characters. We don’t drone on and on about nonsense thinking of new and ‘innovative’ ways to say nothing. Them No Good Bastards shine bright in that kind of mediocrity, but in OCW their antics are a dime a dozen. We’ve seen it all, and quite frankly, we’ve seen it done better.
ThunderkNickels: ( looks back at his posse) That guy does sound like a loser.
Knuckleboy: Well we’re not like that. We earn our shit. You know how hard it was to steal this truck?
TLS: Look kids, I’m sure you guys are missing a fatherly figure at home who would tell you the difference between right and wrong. You’re doing the wrong thing here. I’m sure deep down you guys want to do what is right. Think about it, it’s Thanksgiving. There are people out there who are starving and in need of some goodwill. Those turkeys and that truck is the goodwill.
Willy Whiskey: We don’t wanna hear it geezer. We’re a tight crew, and we look out for ourselves.
TLS: Yeah? The Bastards claim to be a tight group as well, but we can see through their facade. They're just roping in anybody that will agree to join them. Crash Rodriguez left because he realized he was joining a sinking ship. Harmony joined them because they were the first group to give him attention. I mean he can’t speak, so he had no choice. And after we beat these Bastards, they’ll probably blame each other for losing the tag belts.
PIC: Just like TK blames Dolly Waters for not getting the job done at the Margarita Mix. I can’t wait to see him throw Bobby Bourbon under the bus when he fails again. And that’s exactly what’s gonna happen when he steps into the ring with TLS and myself. Sewing seeds of doubt with TLS owning a title contract might work on other teams, but there’s one thing I’ve come to know about Tommy over the years… his word is his bond. He might turn around and beat the piss out of me after the match is over, but he’ll have a tag title belt around his waist when he does it.
Melody: (starts throwing up hand signals and gyrating)
~ PIC and TLS stare at each other in befuddlement. The hispanic kid Stache pops his head out. ~
Stache: What she said was, we have to keep our street cred. So we can’t give you guys back the truck or the turkeys.
TLS: Street cred? Look, I get it. You guys are trying to make a name for yourselves. Just like the Bastards. You want people to know your names, you want views on your channel. You want money. Kids, doing what you’re doing is not going to get you that.
PIC: Just like the Bastards shooting for the World title won’t. When they lose, they’ll fall back into obscurity.
TLS: If you want people to watch your channels, if you want real “street cred”. If you want to make money of your channel, then give them back. As a matter of fact, help us feed the turkeys to the people in need.
ThunderNickels: This ain’t no holiday special mister. You can’t convince us to be no Angels. We’re no good Bastards…
TLS: I was a kid like you once Nickels, I wanted to be known as the biggest and baddest guy on the block. And I did things to hurt people. I thought that it would make me feel good, but it just made me feel empty inside. If you guys want money, if you want fame ( TLS turns to PIC and whispers) Hand me some cash.
PIC: (whispering) What?
TLS: (whispering) Just give me the cash you have in your pocket man.
PIC: (whispering) Dude you still owe me 10 thousand.
TLS: (whispering) Just hurry up jackass.
~ PIC reluctantly hands TLS a stack of 5 dollar bills worth around $125. ~
TLS: (holding the wad of bills in his hand.) This is what it’s all about right guys? Money. CREAM. Cash rules everything around me.
PIC: Dolla dolla bills y'all.
TLS: You can get this, all of this. Just give us back the truck. Help us hand out the turkeys and PIC will get his manager to promote you on his twitter. He has 63 followers.
Knuckleboy: (looks over at ThunderNickels and Willy in awe) 63 followers? Holy shit. We only have 5. That’s like double our followers.
PIC: I’ll even tell my fans to follow you.
Willy: How about you sir ?( looking at TLS) How many followers do you have?
TLS: (pulls out his phone and opens the twitter app) I have 278.
~ The FAPpers are blown away by the number. ~
Stache: 278?
~ The FAP boys eye each other, then huddle up, then ThunderNickels speaks up. ~
ThunderNickels: Okay. If you both tell your followers on Twitter to like our page, we’ll give you back the truck and help you hand out the turkeys.
TLS: Deal. I’m glad you guys came to your senses. Unlike the No Good Bastards TK and Bobby Burboun. At Rumble in the Bronx, We’re going to bring the tag belts back to the OCW where they belong by force. We’re going to break those bastards, and send them back to their clown show promotions.
PIC: That you can count on. That is a promise!
TLS: (turns to PIC) Do you have to do that everytime?
PIC: I’m contractually obligated.
_________________________________
~A 20 foot long table is adorned with an incredible thanksgiving feast of turkey, mashed potatoes, dressing, rolls… the works. Several homeless men and women on either side of the table while PIC, TLS, and the FAP boys stand at the head of the table. TLS is carving the turkey as PIC addresses the group. Christmas music is playing in the background. This is almost like a scene out of a holiday special.~
PIC: Thank you all for joining us. Thanksgiving is a time honored tradition where folks from various backgrounds can come together in peace and break bread. In my house, we always took time to say what we’re thankful for. Who wants to go first?
Homeless Man: I’m thankful for a warm meal.
PIC: (turns to TLS and whispers) Is that Bob Grenier?
TLS: ( shrugs) What about you Thunder Nickels?
~TLS and PIC look around and realize the FAP boys are all gone. Both men run outside and see the FAP boys driving away in the truck. Melody is running behind trying to hop on as Stache and Willy are holding a ping pong table in the back of the truck. ~
PIC: (turns to TLS shaking his head) Dem turkeys!
TLS: (takes a bite of turkey leg then shrugs) No Good Bastards…
~ Both men laugh as snow begins to fall. “White Christmas” plays and the scene fades out.~