The Death of the Big Bifford: Plethora's Origin Story Part 2
Nov 23, 2022 15:44:06 GMT -5
Marcus Welsh and The Nickleman like this
Post by Plethora the Perilous on Nov 23, 2022 15:44:06 GMT -5
Click here for Part 1
The screen flashes from darkness to a moment of static to the image of The Big Bifford asleep in a New York City hotel room. Another flash of static and we see Earl the Popcorn Salesman, Bifford's longest running manager, sleeping in a similar hotel room.
Narrator: The Big Bifford.. one of OCW's pillars.. was he ever really great, or was it all because he summoned a demon as a child? Can he rise above, in his later years, and win without the help of evil? It was very clear this past Monday that he couldn't.. the chance to rejoin evil remains open for Bifford now, but as he turns away from his previous life..
The screen flashes again and we see the island. The Islanders, who were once only few in number, now number 400 or more. They are beginning to build bows and arrows, they have mastered building fires and have built homes on the island in an amazingly short period of time. The Statue of Buffy the Vampire Slayer stands in the center of their homes.
Narrator: As he turns away, the forces that once held him together but now oppose him, grow stronger. A war is brewing.. but that's not his only problem..
The screen flashes and shows Kent, Larry the Security Guard, and The Bailiff sitting around a bar. They're laughing and enjoying some drinks and look like three men who are carefree and about to get millions of dollars each in funds from the man they are blackmailing. They show no remorse, as he is after all a serial killer.
Narrator: Being blackmailed is difficult at any time, but when you're in the middle of helping your friend with a serious legal case and have a demon on an island growing in strength.. it can seem an insurmountable task. Particularly when the legal case is precarious at best..
The screen flashes to a scene from the court room in Columbus, Ohio. Judge Peeples is chastising Cornelius Cook for asking a witness if they've ever tried to get a coworker who wears glasses fired on cross-examination. The prosecuting attorney, Ms. Chenn, is shown objecting to it. Bifford, Earl, and Kenny the Intern (who is on trial) are shown at the table looking slightly embarrassed by the whole ordeal.
Narrator: Legal problems come and go... but when you're accused of turning a massive portion of the population into cannibals.. even with excellent legal representation, it can be difficult. It can make one wonder where they can turn for help.
The screen flashes again and we see the scene from the weekend of young Theodore Bryan Benson (the future Bifford) at 16 years old climbing the dark stairs of his childhood home. He looks at the closet door in the darkness and holds the door handle for a moment in silence. He pulls on the door and opens it - he finds himself face to face with the robe of Plethora the Perilous.
Narrator: Buffy told the young man that the robe would be there.. waiting for him.. when he needed. Does he need it now?
NEW YORK CITY, NOVEMBER 22ND 2022 / THE MIDWEST 1989
The camera flashes back to where Bifford is asleep in his hotel room. The camera zooms in toward his face and shows his nose and eyes twitch a bit. Then the scene blurs and we find ourselves inside Bifford's dream. He's in a field, far off to the side. He sees himself, young Theodore Bryan Benson, standing and being bullied by men his young-self would murder. The first kills. He watches the kids bully his younger-self and then looks at the camera.
Bifford: This really isn't where it started.. it started weeks before this when I summoned Buffy alone in my room. But this is where things made their first ugly turn..
Bifford watched the bullies walk away from him after bullying him. Once he's alone, Buffy appears and whispers into the young child's ear. He sees his younger-self leave, heading to kill the bullies and hide their bodies.
Bifford: Monday was not my greatest moment.. in a match with Nickelback, I was defeated. It was my first match without evil powers lurking behind me to protect me. And it was a shock. I'm not invincible anymore.. I'm not going to be able to do whatever I want and get away with it anymore. My days of reckoning are coming.. but I'm just hoping I can do it all once before those days come.
NEW YORK CITY, NOVEMBER 22ND 2022 / THE MIDWEST 1994
Bifford blinked and suddenly he was no longer in the field. He was in a different field and he looked like he immediately didn't want to be there. But then he heard it. The annoying voice of Kate, Bifford's childhood girlfriend. Then he sees them - teenage Theodore Bryan Benson and Kate Winslow walking through the field, carrying things for their picnic.
Bifford: The regret I have over this, you'll never know.. Killing Kate was the worst move I ever made in my life, but the words kept echoing through my mind.
Buffy the Vampire's voice is heard from seemingly nowhere, "The girl, Kate. She has to die." Bifford looks like he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders as he watches them set up for their picnic.
Bifford: My main option for the Rumble in the Bronx is obvious.. I've talked about it before and considered doing it in past rumbles... I could sit in the center of the ring and just wait until there's only one or two combatants left. It's not like they're going to be able to move me. Alice Knight can't lift me above her head and carry me to the ropes.. But that's not me. Not now, particularly. I have to stand up and fight. I have to do what's right. I have to stand against the night. Show my might. Shine the light.
Bifford saw the girl, Kate, pull out a book and begin reading to Bifford. He sighed, knowing what was coming.
Bifford: Shane Donovan, a ghost of the past, will be in the match this weekend. Shane and I were doing weird contests in GCWA long before the gentlemen's games were conceived. Shane Donovan has about as much chance of winning the rumble as Kate has..,
Looking toward the picnic, Bifford sighed. He couldn't make the comparison. Or joke about Kate's upcoming death. He saw his younger self wrap his arm around Kate as she read to him in her annoying voice, "I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion," she read. He knew his younger self was hearing the voice of Buffy the Vampire in his head, and maybe he even heard it himself, "the girl, Kate. She has to die." He saw the arm around her become a choke. He looked away, tears in his eyes. He heard the sounds of choking. And then the silence. The silence was worse.
NEW YORK CITY, NOVEMBER 22ND 2022
Bifford sat up in his bed, in the hotel room. He was covered in sweat and looked very distressed. He looked over at the alarm clock on the nightstand and saw that it was only 1am. He laid back onto the pillow and closed his eyes.
NEW YORK CITY, NOVEMBER 22ND 2022 / THE ISLAND
The screen flashed and showed Earl the Popcorn Salesman asleep in his bed. The camera zoomed in on his face as he dreamed and slowly turned fuzzy. When it came back, we were inside Earl's dream.
Earl, standing in the midst of the woods, knew he was on the island. He knew islanders were here along with Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the murderous Aunt Bella, and television darling Martha Stewart. He looked around, not knowing which way to go. His eyes looked like he was unsure if this was a dream or not, but mostly he looked scared.
Earl: For most of my adult life, I've lived under constant fear of being killed if my secret popcorn seasoning recipe came out.. I lived for years in constant fear of going to jail. Now I'm afraid of islanders on an island, a demon lady who can do magic, and two old ladies who are apparently helping her..
Looking at the camera, like he's had about enough of all of this, Earl begins walking through the woods. At a certain point he comes to a clearing in the woods and sees the islanders milling about, doing the work necessary to keep a small civilization running. He also saw the statue of Buffy the Vampire Slayer that is in the center of the clearing. He saw homes being built, food and water being collected and distributed. He stays there, remaining silent and watching.. until he’s tapped on the shoulder.
Earl spins around and finds himself face to face with Bifford’s exwife, Martha Stewart. “He’s just using you for the popcorn seasoning,” the homemaking guru says. Earl’s mouth drops open and he looks at her with shock on his face. With the blink of an eye she transforms into Kenny’s murderous Aunt Bella, who might be actress Margo Martindale. Aunt Bella looks at Kenny and says, “If you don’t stab him, he might stab you.. and if you don’t stab him, I might stab you..” she said, her words echoing creepily. With another blinks of an eye, Earl is alone.
Earl: I need to stop eating so much processed cheese right before bed..
Turning back around, Earl finds himself face to face with Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Buffy: Earl.. I need you to do something for me.. you need to kill Bifford.
Earl: Kill the dangerous psychopath who kills people like there’s no tomorrow?
Buffy: He’s weak now.. weak and trying to be good.. remember back in the early days when he told you that you’d be his tag team partner?
He doesn’t respond. Silence.
Buffy: He told you that you’d be his tag team partner and that you’d be a champion someday.. but then in GCWA when he wanted to go after Dangerous Dan, who was his partner? Arachne. Not you. Biffarachnephobia, not Biffearl.
Earl looks like this is bothering him.
Buffy: And then when he came back to OCW.. who got the win over Mario Maurako and Silver Cyanide? Was it you and Bifford or was it Bifford and an 86 year old man? He would rather team up with a geriatric sheriff than you, Earl..
Earl cringes, remembering when that happened.
Buffy: You are nothing but a hack manager as long as he lives.. kill him and you can be OCW’s hottest new prospect.. you can win the Craze Championship.. or you can team with someone like The Wraith or All Consuming Fire and become OCW Tag Team Champions.
Not saying a word, Earl barely looks at Buffy.
Buffy: Just kill him.. and watch your star rise.. but until you do, you must leave this island.
And with a snap of a finger, Earl awoke in his hotel room. He looked around the room and knew it didn’t look right. There was no television and the coffee maker was not where it was when he went to sleep. Earl stood up and walked to the window, he pulled the curtains open and looked out over Time Square. One of the billboards clearly had an advertisement for perfume that had Buffy the Vampire Slayer as the model. “This bitch and her magic tricks..,” he said under his breath. He turned around and saw a machete sitting on the desk next to the notepad and pen. He stared at the knife as the scene faded to darkness.
LATER ON, NEW YORK CITY
Bifford is in his hotel room watching Thaddeus Duke on television. “How much do you think OCW is worth?” He hears a character say. Bifford rolls his eyes and uses the remote to turn the television off.
Bifford: There’s no way someone like Thunder Knuckles or Diana Watts is winning this rumble.. this thing is mine for the taking. The surprises that may come, the Jack Sullivans, the Scott Syrens, the Matt Meyhus, the Lurrrs.. they will all be eliminated. I’m the one that this rumble was built for. This is my return.. I’m good now..
He sounded like he was reassuring himself. Staring blankly at the blank television screen, he felt a shiver run down his spine and physically reacted to it. Then Buffy the Vampire Slayer appeared on his television. Bifford looked at her with his mouth open an inch.
Buffy: Your friend is coming.. your friend will kill you. You can’t trust Earl anymore. You can’t trust anyone. Either put that robe on, or you will have NO chance in the Rumble. Nickleman beat you because of me. Now, if you want to have a chance, put the damn cloak on and do my bidding again.
The television was black and motionless again. Bifford stood up, looking a bit shaken. He walked to the door of the hotel room and looked through the peephole. Sure enough, Earl the Popcorn Salesman walked up to his door. Bifford looked back at the clock. 3am. Earl knocked quietly. Bifford hissed at him through the door, “go away.” Earl rolled his eyes and whispered, “open up and let me in, we need to talk..” Bifford glared through the peephole. “Buffy told me you were gonna kill me..”
Earl (rolling his eyes): Yeah she wants me to, but I’m not gonna..
Bifford: How do I know that?
Earl: Because we’ve been friends for over two decades. Open up.
Unlocking the chain and then the deadbolt, Bifford opened the hotel room door. Earl walked in and looked around, “you don’t have a suite or something?” “No, I’m on a very fixed budget..,” he replied. Earl gave him a look of disbelief.
Earl: Why don’t you just become Plethora again? It’s what the crazy magic demon lady wants and I think you should give her what she wants.
Bifford: Because I’m good now. And if she told you to murder me and you aren’t, you’re not giving her what she wants either.
Earl glared at his boss for a moment and then reached behind himself and pulled the machete out from behind him. Bifford’s eyes grew wide, but Earl was faster. Earl shoved the machete forward into Bifford’s large midsection and the large man let out a loud cry. Bifford turned pale, and looked at Earl with confusion. Then he fell forward, dying and collapsing onto his friend, crushing Earl. The scene faded to darkness.
5 SECONDS LATER IN A HOTEL ROOM DOWN THE HALL
Earl sat up, covered in sweat, waking up from the dreams.. he had seen the island, been given instructions, and followed through with them. It was all a dream.
THE AFTERLIFE
White light is everywhere. In a scene reminiscent to the post-death scene in Harry Potter, Bifford walked through what he imagined might be heaven. It was very white and bright. Nobody was around. Just Bifford. Much like the Harry Potter movie/book, it looked like a train station, but without the trains. Bifford wandered around, looking for anyone. “Anyone here?” He asked. His voice echoed through the train station/heavens. He just walked around, unsure what to do. “Fuckin’ Earl kills me before I get a chance to throw someone like Robert Uchiha or Alice Knight out of the rumble? Son of a bitch.. also this looks oddly like that scene from Harry Potter..”
Bifford turned around a corner in the massive place and in the distance he saw what he believed was Dumbledore sitting on a bench. He began walking toward the person he assumed was Dumbledore, but as he walked up closer it was clear he wasn’t.
It was Ehud of Moab.
Bifford walked up to Ehud and had a seat. “Did you die too? Old age?” Ehud shook his head. “You’re not dead either, Bifford.” Bifford thought about that for a moment. “This is a dream?” Ehud nodded. Any savvy fan would probably have figured out by now that Bifford agreed to play the Time Traveling Grimace in Ehud’s promotional materials in exchange for Ehud playing Dumbledore in his.
Bifford: What should I do? It all seems so confusing..
Ehud: When you really stop to think of it, it shouldn’t be confusing at all..
Bifford looked at the old man and the old man looked at Bifford. “If I end up with you at the end of the rumble.. I’ll step over the top rope and let you have your moment,” Bifford said, putting his hand on the old man’s shoulder. “You try to ‘give’ me the win and I’ll knock you the fuck out.” Bifford glared at him and Ehud glared back. “Now close your eyes and count to three..”
Bifford did as he said and when he opened his eyes he was not there anymore.
THE ISLAND
Opening his eyes, Bifford found himself outside the cabin on the island, where he burned the Plethora Cloak. The cabin looks fine, but the fire has been out for weeks and any remnant of the cloak is gone. He sees Buffy standing there. “Am I still dreaming or is this real?” “Just because you’re dreaming doesn’t mean it’s not real.” “Earl didn’t really kill me.” “Because you still have one last chance.. you know it’s calling out for you. Just like it did when you opened that closet door at 16 the day you killed your girlfriend. Bifford - you aren’t some Good Guy. Put the cloak back on, win the Rumble.. don’t lose like you did to Nickleman.”
Bifford: I would rather be eliminated by Shane Donovan than turn my back on the fans..
Buffy: The fans can’t give you what I have given you.. this may be your last chance, Bifford..
Closing his eyes tightly, Bifford counted to three like he did when Ehud told him to. He opened his eyes and he wasn’t on the island.
He was in front of his family home. The one from this past weekend. The house was dark and the neighborhood was silent.
He walked up the front path and reached for the door handle and opened it. Unlike when he opened the door to the house in Columbus of 2022, there was no insanity of chaos inside. Just silence. Darkness. Solitude.
He stepped into the home where he grew up and climbed slowly up the stairs. A low drum beat is heard in the distance - the drums of the islanders that worship Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He walked to the closet door where a 16 year old found the Plethora Cloak and flung the door open.
The robe was there. Not burned. Waiting.
Bifford grabbed the robe and picked it up off the hanger. He closed his eyes and counted to 3.
NEW YORK CITY, NOVEMBER 22ND 2022
Bifford woke up and looked at the closet. 4am. It was still pitch black outside. He stood up and went to the closet of his hotel room. The drums started again. Drums of islanders on the other side of the world audible here in New York. Swinging open the closet door, he found himself face to face with the Plethora robe.
He clutched it in his arms and walked out of the room. He went to the elevator and clicked the button. The door to the elevator opened as the drums became louder and more intense. He went in and the door closed behind him. When it opened he found himself outside. A rooftop of a New York City hotel. The wind blew the cloak as he walked to the side of the deck and threw the Plethora the Perilous cloak off the side. It went flying out into the New York City early morning darkness.
Bifford: It’s not the redemption story you wanted..
Bifford turned and saw that Earl, the man who stabbed him in their dreams earlier, was standing beside him. They had a fist bump.
Earl: It’s the redemption story we deserve.
Darkness.
The screen flashes from darkness to a moment of static to the image of The Big Bifford asleep in a New York City hotel room. Another flash of static and we see Earl the Popcorn Salesman, Bifford's longest running manager, sleeping in a similar hotel room.
Narrator: The Big Bifford.. one of OCW's pillars.. was he ever really great, or was it all because he summoned a demon as a child? Can he rise above, in his later years, and win without the help of evil? It was very clear this past Monday that he couldn't.. the chance to rejoin evil remains open for Bifford now, but as he turns away from his previous life..
The screen flashes again and we see the island. The Islanders, who were once only few in number, now number 400 or more. They are beginning to build bows and arrows, they have mastered building fires and have built homes on the island in an amazingly short period of time. The Statue of Buffy the Vampire Slayer stands in the center of their homes.
Narrator: As he turns away, the forces that once held him together but now oppose him, grow stronger. A war is brewing.. but that's not his only problem..
The screen flashes and shows Kent, Larry the Security Guard, and The Bailiff sitting around a bar. They're laughing and enjoying some drinks and look like three men who are carefree and about to get millions of dollars each in funds from the man they are blackmailing. They show no remorse, as he is after all a serial killer.
Narrator: Being blackmailed is difficult at any time, but when you're in the middle of helping your friend with a serious legal case and have a demon on an island growing in strength.. it can seem an insurmountable task. Particularly when the legal case is precarious at best..
The screen flashes to a scene from the court room in Columbus, Ohio. Judge Peeples is chastising Cornelius Cook for asking a witness if they've ever tried to get a coworker who wears glasses fired on cross-examination. The prosecuting attorney, Ms. Chenn, is shown objecting to it. Bifford, Earl, and Kenny the Intern (who is on trial) are shown at the table looking slightly embarrassed by the whole ordeal.
Narrator: Legal problems come and go... but when you're accused of turning a massive portion of the population into cannibals.. even with excellent legal representation, it can be difficult. It can make one wonder where they can turn for help.
The screen flashes again and we see the scene from the weekend of young Theodore Bryan Benson (the future Bifford) at 16 years old climbing the dark stairs of his childhood home. He looks at the closet door in the darkness and holds the door handle for a moment in silence. He pulls on the door and opens it - he finds himself face to face with the robe of Plethora the Perilous.
Narrator: Buffy told the young man that the robe would be there.. waiting for him.. when he needed. Does he need it now?
NEW YORK CITY, NOVEMBER 22ND 2022 / THE MIDWEST 1989
The camera flashes back to where Bifford is asleep in his hotel room. The camera zooms in toward his face and shows his nose and eyes twitch a bit. Then the scene blurs and we find ourselves inside Bifford's dream. He's in a field, far off to the side. He sees himself, young Theodore Bryan Benson, standing and being bullied by men his young-self would murder. The first kills. He watches the kids bully his younger-self and then looks at the camera.
Bifford: This really isn't where it started.. it started weeks before this when I summoned Buffy alone in my room. But this is where things made their first ugly turn..
Bifford watched the bullies walk away from him after bullying him. Once he's alone, Buffy appears and whispers into the young child's ear. He sees his younger-self leave, heading to kill the bullies and hide their bodies.
Bifford: Monday was not my greatest moment.. in a match with Nickelback, I was defeated. It was my first match without evil powers lurking behind me to protect me. And it was a shock. I'm not invincible anymore.. I'm not going to be able to do whatever I want and get away with it anymore. My days of reckoning are coming.. but I'm just hoping I can do it all once before those days come.
NEW YORK CITY, NOVEMBER 22ND 2022 / THE MIDWEST 1994
Bifford blinked and suddenly he was no longer in the field. He was in a different field and he looked like he immediately didn't want to be there. But then he heard it. The annoying voice of Kate, Bifford's childhood girlfriend. Then he sees them - teenage Theodore Bryan Benson and Kate Winslow walking through the field, carrying things for their picnic.
Bifford: The regret I have over this, you'll never know.. Killing Kate was the worst move I ever made in my life, but the words kept echoing through my mind.
Buffy the Vampire's voice is heard from seemingly nowhere, "The girl, Kate. She has to die." Bifford looks like he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders as he watches them set up for their picnic.
Bifford: My main option for the Rumble in the Bronx is obvious.. I've talked about it before and considered doing it in past rumbles... I could sit in the center of the ring and just wait until there's only one or two combatants left. It's not like they're going to be able to move me. Alice Knight can't lift me above her head and carry me to the ropes.. But that's not me. Not now, particularly. I have to stand up and fight. I have to do what's right. I have to stand against the night. Show my might. Shine the light.
Bifford saw the girl, Kate, pull out a book and begin reading to Bifford. He sighed, knowing what was coming.
Bifford: Shane Donovan, a ghost of the past, will be in the match this weekend. Shane and I were doing weird contests in GCWA long before the gentlemen's games were conceived. Shane Donovan has about as much chance of winning the rumble as Kate has..,
Looking toward the picnic, Bifford sighed. He couldn't make the comparison. Or joke about Kate's upcoming death. He saw his younger self wrap his arm around Kate as she read to him in her annoying voice, "I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion," she read. He knew his younger self was hearing the voice of Buffy the Vampire in his head, and maybe he even heard it himself, "the girl, Kate. She has to die." He saw the arm around her become a choke. He looked away, tears in his eyes. He heard the sounds of choking. And then the silence. The silence was worse.
NEW YORK CITY, NOVEMBER 22ND 2022
Bifford sat up in his bed, in the hotel room. He was covered in sweat and looked very distressed. He looked over at the alarm clock on the nightstand and saw that it was only 1am. He laid back onto the pillow and closed his eyes.
NEW YORK CITY, NOVEMBER 22ND 2022 / THE ISLAND
The screen flashed and showed Earl the Popcorn Salesman asleep in his bed. The camera zoomed in on his face as he dreamed and slowly turned fuzzy. When it came back, we were inside Earl's dream.
Earl, standing in the midst of the woods, knew he was on the island. He knew islanders were here along with Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the murderous Aunt Bella, and television darling Martha Stewart. He looked around, not knowing which way to go. His eyes looked like he was unsure if this was a dream or not, but mostly he looked scared.
Earl: For most of my adult life, I've lived under constant fear of being killed if my secret popcorn seasoning recipe came out.. I lived for years in constant fear of going to jail. Now I'm afraid of islanders on an island, a demon lady who can do magic, and two old ladies who are apparently helping her..
Looking at the camera, like he's had about enough of all of this, Earl begins walking through the woods. At a certain point he comes to a clearing in the woods and sees the islanders milling about, doing the work necessary to keep a small civilization running. He also saw the statue of Buffy the Vampire Slayer that is in the center of the clearing. He saw homes being built, food and water being collected and distributed. He stays there, remaining silent and watching.. until he’s tapped on the shoulder.
Earl spins around and finds himself face to face with Bifford’s exwife, Martha Stewart. “He’s just using you for the popcorn seasoning,” the homemaking guru says. Earl’s mouth drops open and he looks at her with shock on his face. With the blink of an eye she transforms into Kenny’s murderous Aunt Bella, who might be actress Margo Martindale. Aunt Bella looks at Kenny and says, “If you don’t stab him, he might stab you.. and if you don’t stab him, I might stab you..” she said, her words echoing creepily. With another blinks of an eye, Earl is alone.
Earl: I need to stop eating so much processed cheese right before bed..
Turning back around, Earl finds himself face to face with Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Buffy: Earl.. I need you to do something for me.. you need to kill Bifford.
Earl: Kill the dangerous psychopath who kills people like there’s no tomorrow?
Buffy: He’s weak now.. weak and trying to be good.. remember back in the early days when he told you that you’d be his tag team partner?
He doesn’t respond. Silence.
Buffy: He told you that you’d be his tag team partner and that you’d be a champion someday.. but then in GCWA when he wanted to go after Dangerous Dan, who was his partner? Arachne. Not you. Biffarachnephobia, not Biffearl.
Earl looks like this is bothering him.
Buffy: And then when he came back to OCW.. who got the win over Mario Maurako and Silver Cyanide? Was it you and Bifford or was it Bifford and an 86 year old man? He would rather team up with a geriatric sheriff than you, Earl..
Earl cringes, remembering when that happened.
Buffy: You are nothing but a hack manager as long as he lives.. kill him and you can be OCW’s hottest new prospect.. you can win the Craze Championship.. or you can team with someone like The Wraith or All Consuming Fire and become OCW Tag Team Champions.
Not saying a word, Earl barely looks at Buffy.
Buffy: Just kill him.. and watch your star rise.. but until you do, you must leave this island.
And with a snap of a finger, Earl awoke in his hotel room. He looked around the room and knew it didn’t look right. There was no television and the coffee maker was not where it was when he went to sleep. Earl stood up and walked to the window, he pulled the curtains open and looked out over Time Square. One of the billboards clearly had an advertisement for perfume that had Buffy the Vampire Slayer as the model. “This bitch and her magic tricks..,” he said under his breath. He turned around and saw a machete sitting on the desk next to the notepad and pen. He stared at the knife as the scene faded to darkness.
LATER ON, NEW YORK CITY
Bifford is in his hotel room watching Thaddeus Duke on television. “How much do you think OCW is worth?” He hears a character say. Bifford rolls his eyes and uses the remote to turn the television off.
Bifford: There’s no way someone like Thunder Knuckles or Diana Watts is winning this rumble.. this thing is mine for the taking. The surprises that may come, the Jack Sullivans, the Scott Syrens, the Matt Meyhus, the Lurrrs.. they will all be eliminated. I’m the one that this rumble was built for. This is my return.. I’m good now..
He sounded like he was reassuring himself. Staring blankly at the blank television screen, he felt a shiver run down his spine and physically reacted to it. Then Buffy the Vampire Slayer appeared on his television. Bifford looked at her with his mouth open an inch.
Buffy: Your friend is coming.. your friend will kill you. You can’t trust Earl anymore. You can’t trust anyone. Either put that robe on, or you will have NO chance in the Rumble. Nickleman beat you because of me. Now, if you want to have a chance, put the damn cloak on and do my bidding again.
The television was black and motionless again. Bifford stood up, looking a bit shaken. He walked to the door of the hotel room and looked through the peephole. Sure enough, Earl the Popcorn Salesman walked up to his door. Bifford looked back at the clock. 3am. Earl knocked quietly. Bifford hissed at him through the door, “go away.” Earl rolled his eyes and whispered, “open up and let me in, we need to talk..” Bifford glared through the peephole. “Buffy told me you were gonna kill me..”
Earl (rolling his eyes): Yeah she wants me to, but I’m not gonna..
Bifford: How do I know that?
Earl: Because we’ve been friends for over two decades. Open up.
Unlocking the chain and then the deadbolt, Bifford opened the hotel room door. Earl walked in and looked around, “you don’t have a suite or something?” “No, I’m on a very fixed budget..,” he replied. Earl gave him a look of disbelief.
Earl: Why don’t you just become Plethora again? It’s what the crazy magic demon lady wants and I think you should give her what she wants.
Bifford: Because I’m good now. And if she told you to murder me and you aren’t, you’re not giving her what she wants either.
Earl glared at his boss for a moment and then reached behind himself and pulled the machete out from behind him. Bifford’s eyes grew wide, but Earl was faster. Earl shoved the machete forward into Bifford’s large midsection and the large man let out a loud cry. Bifford turned pale, and looked at Earl with confusion. Then he fell forward, dying and collapsing onto his friend, crushing Earl. The scene faded to darkness.
5 SECONDS LATER IN A HOTEL ROOM DOWN THE HALL
Earl sat up, covered in sweat, waking up from the dreams.. he had seen the island, been given instructions, and followed through with them. It was all a dream.
THE AFTERLIFE
White light is everywhere. In a scene reminiscent to the post-death scene in Harry Potter, Bifford walked through what he imagined might be heaven. It was very white and bright. Nobody was around. Just Bifford. Much like the Harry Potter movie/book, it looked like a train station, but without the trains. Bifford wandered around, looking for anyone. “Anyone here?” He asked. His voice echoed through the train station/heavens. He just walked around, unsure what to do. “Fuckin’ Earl kills me before I get a chance to throw someone like Robert Uchiha or Alice Knight out of the rumble? Son of a bitch.. also this looks oddly like that scene from Harry Potter..”
Bifford turned around a corner in the massive place and in the distance he saw what he believed was Dumbledore sitting on a bench. He began walking toward the person he assumed was Dumbledore, but as he walked up closer it was clear he wasn’t.
It was Ehud of Moab.
Bifford walked up to Ehud and had a seat. “Did you die too? Old age?” Ehud shook his head. “You’re not dead either, Bifford.” Bifford thought about that for a moment. “This is a dream?” Ehud nodded. Any savvy fan would probably have figured out by now that Bifford agreed to play the Time Traveling Grimace in Ehud’s promotional materials in exchange for Ehud playing Dumbledore in his.
Bifford: What should I do? It all seems so confusing..
Ehud: When you really stop to think of it, it shouldn’t be confusing at all..
Bifford looked at the old man and the old man looked at Bifford. “If I end up with you at the end of the rumble.. I’ll step over the top rope and let you have your moment,” Bifford said, putting his hand on the old man’s shoulder. “You try to ‘give’ me the win and I’ll knock you the fuck out.” Bifford glared at him and Ehud glared back. “Now close your eyes and count to three..”
Bifford did as he said and when he opened his eyes he was not there anymore.
THE ISLAND
Opening his eyes, Bifford found himself outside the cabin on the island, where he burned the Plethora Cloak. The cabin looks fine, but the fire has been out for weeks and any remnant of the cloak is gone. He sees Buffy standing there. “Am I still dreaming or is this real?” “Just because you’re dreaming doesn’t mean it’s not real.” “Earl didn’t really kill me.” “Because you still have one last chance.. you know it’s calling out for you. Just like it did when you opened that closet door at 16 the day you killed your girlfriend. Bifford - you aren’t some Good Guy. Put the cloak back on, win the Rumble.. don’t lose like you did to Nickleman.”
Bifford: I would rather be eliminated by Shane Donovan than turn my back on the fans..
Buffy: The fans can’t give you what I have given you.. this may be your last chance, Bifford..
Closing his eyes tightly, Bifford counted to three like he did when Ehud told him to. He opened his eyes and he wasn’t on the island.
He was in front of his family home. The one from this past weekend. The house was dark and the neighborhood was silent.
He walked up the front path and reached for the door handle and opened it. Unlike when he opened the door to the house in Columbus of 2022, there was no insanity of chaos inside. Just silence. Darkness. Solitude.
He stepped into the home where he grew up and climbed slowly up the stairs. A low drum beat is heard in the distance - the drums of the islanders that worship Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He walked to the closet door where a 16 year old found the Plethora Cloak and flung the door open.
The robe was there. Not burned. Waiting.
Bifford grabbed the robe and picked it up off the hanger. He closed his eyes and counted to 3.
NEW YORK CITY, NOVEMBER 22ND 2022
Bifford woke up and looked at the closet. 4am. It was still pitch black outside. He stood up and went to the closet of his hotel room. The drums started again. Drums of islanders on the other side of the world audible here in New York. Swinging open the closet door, he found himself face to face with the Plethora robe.
He clutched it in his arms and walked out of the room. He went to the elevator and clicked the button. The door to the elevator opened as the drums became louder and more intense. He went in and the door closed behind him. When it opened he found himself outside. A rooftop of a New York City hotel. The wind blew the cloak as he walked to the side of the deck and threw the Plethora the Perilous cloak off the side. It went flying out into the New York City early morning darkness.
Bifford: It’s not the redemption story you wanted..
Bifford turned and saw that Earl, the man who stabbed him in their dreams earlier, was standing beside him. They had a fist bump.
Earl: It’s the redemption story we deserve.
Darkness.