DUMBOS in the Bronx... (Part 1 of 2)
Nov 22, 2022 15:08:18 GMT -5
Marcus Welsh, Thunder Knuckles, and 1 more like this
Post by PIC on Nov 22, 2022 15:08:18 GMT -5
—November 24, 2022 10:21AM | New York, NY—
~The buzz throughout New York City for the annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is palpable. Thousands of tourists, intermingled with locals, bundled up tightly and lined either side of the parade route. Several blocks south on the corner of 6th and 15th Street sits the Xavier Mission, a non-profit organization focused on bettering the lives of New York’s homeless. Inside, Steve Wilson and Thomas Leviticus Samson, aka PIC and TLS, have joined several other volunteers to prepare and serve Thanksgiving dinner to over a thousand underserved New Yorkers. The tag team partners busy themselves peeling the last handful of what appears to be hundreds of potatoes. They, along with a few of the volunteers are watching NBC’s coverage of the parade on the TV mounted to the kitchen wall.~
PIC: This is an interesting way to spend Thanksgiving.
TLS: I've been doing this every year. Give people something I never got to experience growing up.
PIC: I forget you didn't have a family growing up.
~TLS nods.~
PIC: You ever attend the parade?
TLS: No.
PIC: Me neither. Always wanted to. I remember Thanksgiving morning at my grandma’s house while she was busy cooking. Me and my cousins sitting in front of the TV watching the parade… good memories.
~PIC looks over at TLS, realizing that talking about his family may come across as gloating.~
PIC: Sorry. It’s just hard to believe that I’m not only going to see it this year, but actually be on the broadcast.
~Another awkward silence. NBC has had the OCW World Champion on its parade telecast for years. It’s a tradition that boosts NBC’s ratings and gives OCW a nice spotlight in the process. This year it’s PIC’s turn to represent the company. He senses the tension coming from TLS, a man who’s yet to hold the top prize in OCW after 20 years. He currently holds the Oh Shit! Contract and could choose to cash it in on PIC at any moment… a fact both men are keenly aware of.~
PIC: Tommy, listen. Wait, what the… do you see that?
~PIC points to the TV as several parade floats begin to pass by the screen. We see huge inflatable balloons of the Pillsbury Doughboy, a Minion, Ronald McDonald… and then…~
TLS: Looks like a sperm whale.
PIC: Can someone turn that up?
Al Roker: And here we have what appears to be a sperm whale? I don’t remember seeing this one on the schedule for this year. Savannah, what can you tell us about this balloon?
Savannah Guthrie: I, uh… well, Al, I’m not entirely sure. Our floats and balloons are usually here to promote a show or movie or an advertisement of some sort. I don’t remember anything about a sperm whale. Hoda?
Hoda Kotb: Savannah, I’ve been watching the sperm whale as it looks as if it’s about to blow. The individuals holding the balloon have been exhibiting erratic behavior for some time now.
~The camera cuts to a close up of the crew holding the balloon. Four in total, three men and one woman, the rag tag group appears to have collectively bathed once in the past month. They walk down the street cursing, spitting, scratching inappropriately all while the world world watches live. One of the volunteers, Sandy, walks by and sees the group on the TV.~
Sandy: Hey! That’s the Fellowship Association Posse! FAP!
PIC: Fellowship of what?
Sandy: Association Posse.
TLS: Why are they using 3 words with the same meaning?
Sandy: Right? They’re pretty harmless. Most of them rode the short bus to school.
TLS: So you're saying these guys are re—
PIC: Careful man, can't be throwing that word around.
TLS: —diculously stupid.
PIC: Shew! I thought you were gonna say re—
~ TLS shoots PIC a glance.~
PIC: —pulsive individuals.
Sandy: They're just some neighborhood losers who think they’re a gang. They steal old lady’s purses and go around spray painting sperm whales on buildings. They think it’s funny because…
PIC: Sperm.
Sandy: Yep. How did they get a balloon in the Macy’s parade?
~By now the entire kitchen has stopped and is focused on the screen. Myles Hanson, one of the Xavier Mission’s leaders, enters to find everything ground to a halt.~
Myles: What’s going on in here?
Sandy: Check it out, Myles. Those FAPPERS managed to get themselves into the parade! There’s the ringleader ThunderNickles and his right-hand man Knuckleboy. Behind them it’s Willy Whiskey and… I can’t tell. Is that Jenny?
~Myles squints at the TV.~
Myles: No, that’s Melody. You know… the blind and mute girl.
Sandy: Oh yeah! I forgot she’d been hanging around those buffoons. I don’t see that hispanic kid that usually hangs with them.
Myles: The one with the mustache? The rumor is he's in jail. Cops found him "FAP"ping in the theater at the Wakanda Forever premiere. Ya never know with these clowns. Anyway, back to work folks. We’ve got a lot of cooking to do.
PIC: Hey Myles, I’m gonna head out for the TV spot but I’ll be back as soon as it’s over to help serve the meals.
Myles: Yes, of course. Thanks again for all your hard work. You guys didn’t have to come in so early to peel all those potatoes.
PIC: It’s the least we could do. Tommy, you ready to go?
TLS: I think I’ll just stay here. You go ahead.
PIC: No way man. NBC specifically asked for you to join me. It’ll help promote the Rumble in the Bronx to have both tag team members there. Let’s go.
~TLS sighs. He finishes cutting up the last potato, then puts the knife away and exits the kitchen with PIC. In the background on the TV, the Sperm Whale balloon and the gang turn down the wrong road and deviate from the parade’s path.~
~The FAP gang turns down an alley off of 27th street and hastily fumbles and bumbles trying to get the balloon out of the sky. They try pulling it down but the four of them aren’t strong enough. ThunderNickels makes the decision to just cut the balloon loose. They watch as it soars high above the city skyline toward New Jersey.~
ThunderNickels: Eh, screw it. We got more important things to do.
Willy Whiskey: Yeah? What’s that boss?
~Knuckleboy hits Whiskey in the side of the head.~
Knuckleboy: Don’t you listen to nothin? We gonna steal dem turkeys.
Willy Whiskey: Dem turkeys?
Knuckleboy: Dem turkeys.
ThunderNickels: Those guys down at the Xavier Mission always cook a huge Thanksgiving meal. This year it’s even bigger cause they got celebrities helping them cook. I was poking around a couple of days ago and saw a truck full of turkeys. If we get our hands on them, us FAPPERS will be licking our fingers all year long… from the turkey juice.
Willy Whiskey: Hey! Where’d Melody go?
~Melody, both blind and mute, walks down an unfamiliar alley both unable to see where she’s going or to call for help. Fortunately, she stumbles into a group of trash cans, causing enough of a noise that her gang mates hear her and come running. Knuckleboy lifts her off the ground and dusts her off.~
ThunderNickels: Melody, ya gotta be careful walking off like that. Keep your eyes on me and don’t wander off next time. At least tell me if ya do.
~Willy Whiskey nudges ThunderNickels in the side and whispers in his ear.~
Willy Whiskey: Bro, she can’t see or talk. How’s she supposed to keep her eyes on ya or tell you where she’s going?
ThunderNickels: That’s her problem, not mine. Anyway… I got it on good authority that those two OCW maroons are gonna be at Macy’s at 1:30 to do a TV spot for their show this weekend. That gives us plenty of time to steal dem turkeys.
Knuckleboy: How you know that, boss?
ThunderNickels: Cause when we entered the parade, they gave us a schedule of events. I got a copy right here in my pocket. Tells me what time everything goes down. While PIC and TLS are busy yapping their traps on TV, we’ll be FAPPING to dem turkeys.
~The group shares a good laugh and a couple of high fives. Whiskey tries to high five Melody but she misses his hand completely and smacks Knuckleboy in the side of the head. He goes to fight her while the other two stand in between them as the scene fades out.~
~PIC and TLS exit the M train at Penn Station and make their way through the turnstiles and out onto 34th Street. Thousands have gathered around Macy’s to watch the live stage performances. The wrestling legends weave their way through the crowd as best as they can, until they come to the area behind the NBC platform. PIC shows his credentials to one of the stagehands who ushers the two past the barricade and into a trailer. The two are prepped for their TV spot and a short time later are brought on stage and shown to their seats. After exchanging pleasantries with Al and Savannah, one of the camera crew begins counting them down from commercial.~
Savannah: Welcome back to NBC’s coverage of the 98th Annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Al and I are joined by not one, but two OCW legends as The Lost Soul is here alongside the OCW World Champion, PIC. Guys, it’s great to have you both.
PIC: It’s great to be here, Savannah.
Al: I’m just going to jump right in. I’m a huge wrestling fan and I’ve always enjoyed having the OCW champion on the show each year, but having both of you is just incredible. TLS, you’re one of my all-time favorites. Watching you unmask two weeks ago was classic television. What made you decide to take it off?
TLS: I thought it was time. For so long I've used the masks and the facepaint as a way to separate TLS the wrestler from TLS the person. My time in the business is winding down and I'll spend the rest of that time being my true self.
Savannah: You’ve got no reason to hide that face... umm, ok, so OCW is hosting a major show this weekend titled Rumble in the Bronx right here in New York City. The two of you are scheduled to team up against the… can I say this on air?
TLS: I’ll say it. Them No Good Bastards.
Savannah: Yes. Those guys. Now they’re the tag team champions so, this has got to be a pretty tall order for you guys to compete against them, right?
PIC: Savannah, sometimes you come across wrestlers that do things the right way and end up becoming highly successful. Thunder Knuckles and Bobby Bourbon aren’t those guys. They’re two clowns who hop from company to company to swoop in and steal the tag belts, then bounce at the first sign of adversity. Their brand of shock jock, freakshow antics went out of style with Jerry Springer in the 90s. And none of that deals with the biggest issue they have… they’re a bunch of losers led by the biggest loser. They think they’re a well-oiled machine, but it was TLS and myself that beat TK in the Margarita Mix. He can blame Dolly Waters all he wants, but it was his shoulders I pinned to the mat, not hers.
TLS: Look, the only reason the Bastards are tag champions is because I left. I'm back now and I'm here to take those belts back. Not because I really want them, I just don't want the Bastards to have them. This past year I went undefeated in tag matches. I won and defended the tag belts 3 times with Zybala, and went all the way in the Margarita Mix with PIC here. All the teams we faced with the exception of Waters and Knuckles are tougher than this duo of Knuckles and Bourbon. Hell, TK was nearly purged when they got rid of half the jobbers awhile back.
PIC: You’re probably thinking of El Knuckle.
TLS: Maybe, but it's not hard to confuse two losers with similar names, similar body types, and similar success in the ring. After this match Thunder Knuckles will go back to being somebody nobody knows in the OCW. As far as Bobby Bourbon goes… he wasn't their first choice. The other Bastards didn’t want to take the loss, so they had to bring in their drunk uncle Bobby. Rumble in the Bronx is going to be a party and I'm going to be feeding Bobby shots all night.
~TLS raises his fists as the surrounding crowd cheers.~
TLS: After Rumble in the Bronx, these guys will be bastards no more, because I'm going to beat them like their deadbeat fathers should have. I'll be their daddy this Sunday.
PIC: That you can count on… that is a promise!
~The buzz throughout New York City for the annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is palpable. Thousands of tourists, intermingled with locals, bundled up tightly and lined either side of the parade route. Several blocks south on the corner of 6th and 15th Street sits the Xavier Mission, a non-profit organization focused on bettering the lives of New York’s homeless. Inside, Steve Wilson and Thomas Leviticus Samson, aka PIC and TLS, have joined several other volunteers to prepare and serve Thanksgiving dinner to over a thousand underserved New Yorkers. The tag team partners busy themselves peeling the last handful of what appears to be hundreds of potatoes. They, along with a few of the volunteers are watching NBC’s coverage of the parade on the TV mounted to the kitchen wall.~
PIC: This is an interesting way to spend Thanksgiving.
TLS: I've been doing this every year. Give people something I never got to experience growing up.
PIC: I forget you didn't have a family growing up.
~TLS nods.~
PIC: You ever attend the parade?
TLS: No.
PIC: Me neither. Always wanted to. I remember Thanksgiving morning at my grandma’s house while she was busy cooking. Me and my cousins sitting in front of the TV watching the parade… good memories.
~PIC looks over at TLS, realizing that talking about his family may come across as gloating.~
PIC: Sorry. It’s just hard to believe that I’m not only going to see it this year, but actually be on the broadcast.
~Another awkward silence. NBC has had the OCW World Champion on its parade telecast for years. It’s a tradition that boosts NBC’s ratings and gives OCW a nice spotlight in the process. This year it’s PIC’s turn to represent the company. He senses the tension coming from TLS, a man who’s yet to hold the top prize in OCW after 20 years. He currently holds the Oh Shit! Contract and could choose to cash it in on PIC at any moment… a fact both men are keenly aware of.~
PIC: Tommy, listen. Wait, what the… do you see that?
~PIC points to the TV as several parade floats begin to pass by the screen. We see huge inflatable balloons of the Pillsbury Doughboy, a Minion, Ronald McDonald… and then…~
TLS: Looks like a sperm whale.
PIC: Can someone turn that up?
Al Roker: And here we have what appears to be a sperm whale? I don’t remember seeing this one on the schedule for this year. Savannah, what can you tell us about this balloon?
Savannah Guthrie: I, uh… well, Al, I’m not entirely sure. Our floats and balloons are usually here to promote a show or movie or an advertisement of some sort. I don’t remember anything about a sperm whale. Hoda?
Hoda Kotb: Savannah, I’ve been watching the sperm whale as it looks as if it’s about to blow. The individuals holding the balloon have been exhibiting erratic behavior for some time now.
~The camera cuts to a close up of the crew holding the balloon. Four in total, three men and one woman, the rag tag group appears to have collectively bathed once in the past month. They walk down the street cursing, spitting, scratching inappropriately all while the world world watches live. One of the volunteers, Sandy, walks by and sees the group on the TV.~
Sandy: Hey! That’s the Fellowship Association Posse! FAP!
PIC: Fellowship of what?
Sandy: Association Posse.
TLS: Why are they using 3 words with the same meaning?
Sandy: Right? They’re pretty harmless. Most of them rode the short bus to school.
TLS: So you're saying these guys are re—
PIC: Careful man, can't be throwing that word around.
TLS: —diculously stupid.
PIC: Shew! I thought you were gonna say re—
~ TLS shoots PIC a glance.~
PIC: —pulsive individuals.
Sandy: They're just some neighborhood losers who think they’re a gang. They steal old lady’s purses and go around spray painting sperm whales on buildings. They think it’s funny because…
PIC: Sperm.
Sandy: Yep. How did they get a balloon in the Macy’s parade?
~By now the entire kitchen has stopped and is focused on the screen. Myles Hanson, one of the Xavier Mission’s leaders, enters to find everything ground to a halt.~
Myles: What’s going on in here?
Sandy: Check it out, Myles. Those FAPPERS managed to get themselves into the parade! There’s the ringleader ThunderNickles and his right-hand man Knuckleboy. Behind them it’s Willy Whiskey and… I can’t tell. Is that Jenny?
~Myles squints at the TV.~
Myles: No, that’s Melody. You know… the blind and mute girl.
Sandy: Oh yeah! I forgot she’d been hanging around those buffoons. I don’t see that hispanic kid that usually hangs with them.
Myles: The one with the mustache? The rumor is he's in jail. Cops found him "FAP"ping in the theater at the Wakanda Forever premiere. Ya never know with these clowns. Anyway, back to work folks. We’ve got a lot of cooking to do.
PIC: Hey Myles, I’m gonna head out for the TV spot but I’ll be back as soon as it’s over to help serve the meals.
Myles: Yes, of course. Thanks again for all your hard work. You guys didn’t have to come in so early to peel all those potatoes.
PIC: It’s the least we could do. Tommy, you ready to go?
TLS: I think I’ll just stay here. You go ahead.
PIC: No way man. NBC specifically asked for you to join me. It’ll help promote the Rumble in the Bronx to have both tag team members there. Let’s go.
~TLS sighs. He finishes cutting up the last potato, then puts the knife away and exits the kitchen with PIC. In the background on the TV, the Sperm Whale balloon and the gang turn down the wrong road and deviate from the parade’s path.~
~The FAP gang turns down an alley off of 27th street and hastily fumbles and bumbles trying to get the balloon out of the sky. They try pulling it down but the four of them aren’t strong enough. ThunderNickels makes the decision to just cut the balloon loose. They watch as it soars high above the city skyline toward New Jersey.~
ThunderNickels: Eh, screw it. We got more important things to do.
Willy Whiskey: Yeah? What’s that boss?
~Knuckleboy hits Whiskey in the side of the head.~
Knuckleboy: Don’t you listen to nothin? We gonna steal dem turkeys.
Willy Whiskey: Dem turkeys?
Knuckleboy: Dem turkeys.
ThunderNickels: Those guys down at the Xavier Mission always cook a huge Thanksgiving meal. This year it’s even bigger cause they got celebrities helping them cook. I was poking around a couple of days ago and saw a truck full of turkeys. If we get our hands on them, us FAPPERS will be licking our fingers all year long… from the turkey juice.
Willy Whiskey: Hey! Where’d Melody go?
~Melody, both blind and mute, walks down an unfamiliar alley both unable to see where she’s going or to call for help. Fortunately, she stumbles into a group of trash cans, causing enough of a noise that her gang mates hear her and come running. Knuckleboy lifts her off the ground and dusts her off.~
ThunderNickels: Melody, ya gotta be careful walking off like that. Keep your eyes on me and don’t wander off next time. At least tell me if ya do.
~Willy Whiskey nudges ThunderNickels in the side and whispers in his ear.~
Willy Whiskey: Bro, she can’t see or talk. How’s she supposed to keep her eyes on ya or tell you where she’s going?
ThunderNickels: That’s her problem, not mine. Anyway… I got it on good authority that those two OCW maroons are gonna be at Macy’s at 1:30 to do a TV spot for their show this weekend. That gives us plenty of time to steal dem turkeys.
Knuckleboy: How you know that, boss?
ThunderNickels: Cause when we entered the parade, they gave us a schedule of events. I got a copy right here in my pocket. Tells me what time everything goes down. While PIC and TLS are busy yapping their traps on TV, we’ll be FAPPING to dem turkeys.
~The group shares a good laugh and a couple of high fives. Whiskey tries to high five Melody but she misses his hand completely and smacks Knuckleboy in the side of the head. He goes to fight her while the other two stand in between them as the scene fades out.~
~PIC and TLS exit the M train at Penn Station and make their way through the turnstiles and out onto 34th Street. Thousands have gathered around Macy’s to watch the live stage performances. The wrestling legends weave their way through the crowd as best as they can, until they come to the area behind the NBC platform. PIC shows his credentials to one of the stagehands who ushers the two past the barricade and into a trailer. The two are prepped for their TV spot and a short time later are brought on stage and shown to their seats. After exchanging pleasantries with Al and Savannah, one of the camera crew begins counting them down from commercial.~
Savannah: Welcome back to NBC’s coverage of the 98th Annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Al and I are joined by not one, but two OCW legends as The Lost Soul is here alongside the OCW World Champion, PIC. Guys, it’s great to have you both.
PIC: It’s great to be here, Savannah.
Al: I’m just going to jump right in. I’m a huge wrestling fan and I’ve always enjoyed having the OCW champion on the show each year, but having both of you is just incredible. TLS, you’re one of my all-time favorites. Watching you unmask two weeks ago was classic television. What made you decide to take it off?
TLS: I thought it was time. For so long I've used the masks and the facepaint as a way to separate TLS the wrestler from TLS the person. My time in the business is winding down and I'll spend the rest of that time being my true self.
Savannah: You’ve got no reason to hide that face... umm, ok, so OCW is hosting a major show this weekend titled Rumble in the Bronx right here in New York City. The two of you are scheduled to team up against the… can I say this on air?
TLS: I’ll say it. Them No Good Bastards.
Savannah: Yes. Those guys. Now they’re the tag team champions so, this has got to be a pretty tall order for you guys to compete against them, right?
PIC: Savannah, sometimes you come across wrestlers that do things the right way and end up becoming highly successful. Thunder Knuckles and Bobby Bourbon aren’t those guys. They’re two clowns who hop from company to company to swoop in and steal the tag belts, then bounce at the first sign of adversity. Their brand of shock jock, freakshow antics went out of style with Jerry Springer in the 90s. And none of that deals with the biggest issue they have… they’re a bunch of losers led by the biggest loser. They think they’re a well-oiled machine, but it was TLS and myself that beat TK in the Margarita Mix. He can blame Dolly Waters all he wants, but it was his shoulders I pinned to the mat, not hers.
TLS: Look, the only reason the Bastards are tag champions is because I left. I'm back now and I'm here to take those belts back. Not because I really want them, I just don't want the Bastards to have them. This past year I went undefeated in tag matches. I won and defended the tag belts 3 times with Zybala, and went all the way in the Margarita Mix with PIC here. All the teams we faced with the exception of Waters and Knuckles are tougher than this duo of Knuckles and Bourbon. Hell, TK was nearly purged when they got rid of half the jobbers awhile back.
PIC: You’re probably thinking of El Knuckle.
TLS: Maybe, but it's not hard to confuse two losers with similar names, similar body types, and similar success in the ring. After this match Thunder Knuckles will go back to being somebody nobody knows in the OCW. As far as Bobby Bourbon goes… he wasn't their first choice. The other Bastards didn’t want to take the loss, so they had to bring in their drunk uncle Bobby. Rumble in the Bronx is going to be a party and I'm going to be feeding Bobby shots all night.
~TLS raises his fists as the surrounding crowd cheers.~
TLS: After Rumble in the Bronx, these guys will be bastards no more, because I'm going to beat them like their deadbeat fathers should have. I'll be their daddy this Sunday.
PIC: That you can count on… that is a promise!
