I've seen things just as outlandish as this!
Nov 19, 2022 7:33:48 GMT -5
Marcus Welsh, zybala, and 1 more like this
Post by Dylan Thomas on Nov 19, 2022 7:33:48 GMT -5
Eight losses. Eight times in a row now that I’ve lost on main OCW TV. I know that Frankie and I beat The Influence on Outsiders, but… It comes to something that even someone like Gilbert has a better win/loss than me. Something has to change for me! Something has really got to give… Man, I’m tired. I don’t even know if I want to go on wrestling anymore. I mean, do I deserve to? I call myself ‘perfection, personified’ but as of right now all I have is a perfect LOSS record and it’s driving me nuts!
People that have come into OCW recently, your Diana Watts’s, your Tearra Skyes - hell, even your Kelson Hewitts, they’re all the future of OCW. And where does that leave me? I’m fifteen years into my wrestling career at this point and ten years ago when I married the love of my life, I promised her that we would take the wrestling world by storm. While I had a somewhat modest career over in GCWA, it’s here in OCW that the shit has really hit the fan for me. But I’m not blaming anyone but myself. It’s me that got myself into this mess and it’s going to be me that pulls myself out of it.
—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dylan: You know what I’m saying?
Dylan is standing inside the mad scientist Dexter’s Laboratory-esque, well, laboratory of his good friend Mike Zybala leaning against one of the panels, backside first with his arms folded. Machines are beeping everywhere, and Dylan looks around at all of them in awe. Mike Zybala offers the odd grunt here and there to let Dylan know that he IS listening, but he is busy working too while typing something on a nearby computer.
Dylan: What are you working on anyway?
Zybala: If my calculations are correct, which, I mean, they are…I’m Mike Zybala, what I’ve created here is something that is going to revolutionise the world!
Dylan: Revolutionise the world? Come on Mike, you know what happened the last time we were here…
Zybala: I know, I know… I unleashed a terrifying killer clown on the world, but this is something completely different!
Dylan raises an eyebrow.
Zybala: Don’t look at me like that, I know what I’m doing… Let me ask you… If you could go ANYWHERE at all and you had the chance to, would you take it?
Dylan: Like what, in the world?
Zybala: Think bigger!
Dylan: Space?
Zybala: Bigger!
Dylan: What’s bigger than Space?!
Zybala: Think more outside the box! Think like me!
Dylan: Think like you? Oh Jesus. I don’t know!
Zybala: Well, we already went to Derry, right?
Dylan: Right.
Zybala: Well…what if I told you that….
Zybala’s phone suddenly begins to ring.
Zybala: Ooh. I’ve got to take this. Listen, whatever you do Dylan… do not press that button right near where you’re standing.
Dylan turns around and notices a big red button right next to his ass cheek.
Dylan: The red one?
Zybala: The red one. It’ll start the whole process in motion and while I’ve worked out the calculations, it’s still not completely one hundred percent safe yet.
Dylan: Er… OK, sure.
With haste, Zybala jogs away and, with no-one else around to help keep him awake, Dylan begins to drift off into a snooze - his OCW stuff catching up to him as well as going out the other night with the Ghost Adventures crew. As his eyes fall, deeper and deeper, he accidentally knocks the button that Mike Zybala told him not to touch! There’s a bang! A crash and a huge flash of white light!
—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
: Hey, you! You’re finally awake!
Dylan: Huh…what?
Dylan opens his eyes to find himself in a cart, being pulled by a horse and what looks to be driven by a Roman soldier. He turns around to look at the man who first spoke to him and then sees that other than this tall blonde man staring at him, he is in the cart with two other men. A poorly dressed fellow who looks like he lives on the streets of…wherever Dylan currently is and a large, physically imposing man who looks to be in his early to mid-forties who has his mouth gagged.
: You were trying to cross the border, right? Same as us… and that thief over there.
Thief: Damn you, Stormcloaks. Before you came along, the Empire was nice and lazy. I could have stolen that horse and been halfway to Hammerfell.
The thief then looks over at Dylan who looks down to find that his arms are bound together with what looks to be tough leather straps and bindings.
Dylan: Where am I?
Thief: You there. You and me… we don't belong here. It's these Stormcloaks the Empire wants.
Dylan: Where are we going?
Thief: What's wrong with him, huh?
Blonde soldier: You watch your tongue! You're speaking to Ulfric Stormcloak! The true High King!
Confused, Dylan shrugs his shoulders and falls back to sleep in the cart. Some time goes by, and Dylan finds himself inside of cave. A young man dressed like a Roman soldier hastily runs up to him.
Young soldier: Come on! Hurry up! We've got to get out of here!
Dylan: Who are you? What's going on?
Young soldier: You don't remember?! A dragon is attacking! I'm Hadvar…. What's your name?
Dylan: Dylan. What do you mean a dragon is attacking?! Dragons aren't real!
Hadvar: I never believed that they were real either. But look outside! Helgen is lost.
Dylan: Helgen? Where are we?
Hadvar: Skyrim of course! Come on, this way.
Dylan follows Hadvar down a narrow crevice and sees that the walls of the chamber that they emerge into is covered in cobwebs.
Dylan: There are spiders in here?
Hadvar: Probably.
Suddenly, Dylan lets out a scream.
Dylan: Holy shit!!
Dylan looks ahead and can see many spiders, but they are as big as Alsatian dogs. The spiders begin to crawl and shuffle towards them and Dylan freezes in fear as one as big as a building drops from the ceiling.
Hadvar: Here, catch!
Dylan: A sword?! Haven’t you got an M16 or something?!
Hadvar: A what? Look, just stab them in the head!
Soon Hadvar and Dylan make it out of the cave only to see a gigantic black dragon fly away in the opposite direction. Dylan takes a breather, and the scene fades out.
—---------------------
When we fade back in, Dylan finds himself in the back of a cart again when a man turns his head around to look at him.
Man: Where do you want to go?
Dylan looks around, looking at the man.
Dylan: I’m sorry, what?
Man: I can take you to any of the hold capitals. Where do you want to go?
Dylan: I….uh…. I don’t know.
Man: If you don’t hurry up and tell me where you want to go, I’m throwing you out. You are wasting my time.
It was then that Dylan remembered what Hadvar had told him, not so long ago.
‘You should head to Solitude and join the Legion. I’m sure General Tullius could use someone like you to quell the Rebellion.’
Dylan: Ssssolitude? Can you get me to Solitude?
Man: Sure. Skyrim’s capital city don’t you know Have you heard there are men folk around these parts that look like cats? Kha-jeets I think they’re called.
Dylan: Human sized cats? Just how the hell did I make it here….?
The scene fades out again.
—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When the scene fades back in, Dylan hops out of the carriage and pays the man with some gold coins that he had picked up in the cave with Hadvar. He looks up the hill towards the gates of beautiful Solitude. Then he pulls his jacket over his shoulders and round his neck some more as he notices the definite chill in the air, and he starts walking towards the city of Solitude contemplating how in the blue hell he is going to get back home.
===============================================================
So, this, Mikey, was your grand idea?!! Send people into a video game?!! I don’t know what goes through that head of yours sometimes man, I really don’t…. But IF and WHEN I get out of here and back home to Earth, you and I are going to have some words at the Rumble in the Bronx. Ah, yes… the Rumble. What an utter clusterfuck that is going to be. I’m sorry OCW Faithful, I know you’re all looking forward to it - but face facts. It’s going to be an utter clusterfuck of bodies. Zybala is entering, Alice Knight is entering, Diana Watts is entering (hey kid) some people who I’ve never even heard of are entering and then the Fallen King himself Thaddeus Duke. Thaddeus Duke, the man who had the audacity to call Dylan Thomas the ‘new blood’. Just shows how much attention you pay to your roster doesn’t it Thad? Well, I guess it isn’t ‘your’ roster anymore.
Though I suppose I can see why you would say that. Dylan Thomas has been rather beige as of late, it pains me to say. Well, that is going to happen no longer! Because Dylan Thomas is going to walk into the Rumble in New York City and he’s going to win the entire thing. Now I realise that New York isn’t exactly my backyard but friend and ally or not, Mike Zybala…. I fully intend on throwing you out of the Rumble. After all, you threw me out of the Rumble on the new OCW video game! You thought I missed that huh?
Do I sound grumpy to you? No. No, I’m not being grumpy - I’m stuck in a fucking video game where I’ve nearly been eaten and chewed out by a giant lizard and multiple spiders the size of Alsatians and fucking buildings and I’m coming off of eight fucking losses.
So, y’know what? If and when I get back home, I’M coming back for the Rumble in the Bronx! I’m going to enter the Rumble in the Bronx and I’m going to WIN the Rumble in the goddamn Bronx. OCW Faithful, you were there when I saw the error of my ways previously and most of you are still there now, laughing along as the A-List Family put on a great show for all of you so what I’m about to say next is not aimed at you, the ones who still stick by me, no you guys will always have my thanks and gratitude - but I’ve heard pockets of people in the crowd. I’ve seen the signs written in the crowd… ‘Dylan can lick my A-Lister’ springs to mind.
You don’t think I’ve got it anymore, do you?! DO YOU?! Well for all of those that no longer believe in Dylan Thomas, for all of you who no longer look at Dylan Thomas as a hero and with respect? FUCK YOU. For fifteen years I bled for the wrestling business! I sweated for the wrestling business, never really caring if I had support or not. You see right now, as much as I know that the Dylan Thomas fans are there, it’s the pockets of haters that are growing louder and that are growing stronger.
Well for all of you haters out there - the ones who TURNED on me - I’m going to give you all what you DON’T want and what all of my TRUE fans DO want! I’m heading into the Rumble, and I AM coming out with the win and when I do ALL of you are going to respect it. You may not all like it, but you’re going to respect me when all is said and done. My win at Rumble in the Bronx is going to be nothing short of Perfection, Personified!
=============================================================
Dylan heads into Castle Dour in Solitude where he finds General Tullius chatting to his legate Rikke. Sensing the absurdity of everything right now, Dylan merely stands there until Tullius notices him.
Tullius: Are my men just allowing free reign to everyone that enters the castle now?
Dylan: No. But we’ve met before.
Tullius: Have…we? Oh! Oh of course. The escaped prisoner from Helgen. Well, what do you want?
Before Dylan can answer he is suddenly whisked away to the top of the Throat of the World, the tallest mountain in all of Skyrim, where he finds four men in hooded robes staring at him. Only one of them speaks, however in a whisper.
Arngeir: I am Master Arngier. I speak for the Greybeards. Long has it been that a Dragonborn has graced our halls.
Dylan: Er…what?
Arngeir: Let us taste of your Voice Dragonborn… we can take it.
Dylan: I don’t know what you’re….
Suddenly something within Dylan makes him feel compelled to Shout! He can’t control it. It erupts from him like lava spewing from a volcano.
Dylan: FUS RO DAH!!!!!!
The hooded men stumble a bit backwards, but they are otherwise unharmed. And honestly, they actually all seem rather impressed.
Dylan: What was that? How did I…. what did I….
Arngeir: You’re the Dragonborn.
Dylan: Well, this day keeps getting weirder and weirder, doesn’t it? I swear Mike when I get back home we are going to have SERIOUS words, my friend!
Arngeir: It is now time for you to meet the master of our order. He lives in seclusion at the very top of this mountain. To meet him is an honour. Follow the path through the gate behind me and you will reach the summit. There you will meet our master. And he will show you how to defeat Alduin.
Dylan: Who?
Arngeir: Alduin The World-Eater.
Dylan: Oh right. The big black dragon. Riiiiight.
Suddenly a woman in steel armour appears behind Dylan.
Dylan: Who in the blue hell are you?
Woman: Lydia. The jarl has appointed me to be your housecarl. It's an honour to serve you.
Dylan: Alright then. Um… what does a housecarl do?
Lydia: I'm sworn to your service. I'll guard you and all you own with my life! I'm also sworn to carry your burdens…….. I guess.
Dylan: OK… as if this day can't get any weirder. Wait, 'you guess'? What's with the sudden attitude?
Lydia: I mean no disrespect. I just hate burdens.
—--—------------
So as our heroes make their way up the mountain path, Dylan can't help but wonder just what the fuck is going on. It’s then that Dylan looks down and notices that he too, is now wearing armour of his own. He doesn’t know how he came to be wearing it but right now, who cares? On his back he finds that he is carrying a huge greatsword.
Dylan: Weeeeeeell! This is new…
Lydia: What’s that?
Dylan: I said… this is new.
Lydia: What?
Dylan: Let’s just say that where I’m from we don’t use swords to fight anymore.
Lydia: Akavir?
Dylan: Not quite.
Our heroes reach the top of the throat of the world and find that the very summit of the mountain is inhabited by a dragon! It circles overhead and Lydia draws her sword. The dragon then lands on the ground and begins to talk.
Dragon: Drem Yol Lok….Greetings… I am… Paarthurnax. I am the master of the Greybeards.
Dylan: You? But I thought that the dragons of Skyrim were evil and wanted to dominate everyone else…
Paarthurnax: True, dragons or as we call them the ‘dov’ were made to dominate. But I have overcome my true nature through meditation. Is it better to be born good? Or overcome being evil?
The words of Paarthurnax echo through Dylan and really begin to resonate with him. He looks back at the promo that he said earlier. He looks back and realises that he sounds like he is just throwing his toys out of his pram. But fuck it….. If it helps him win the Rumble in the Bronx, then this new outlook on life may be just what the doctor ordered.
Paarthurnax: But you… there is something different about you. You have arrived here on the ebb and flow of time, yet…. You are not from here. You are not from Skyrim… you are not even from Nirn.
Dylan: Very perceptive of you. Can you help me get home?
Paarthurnax: Hmm…. Krosis. It fills me with sorrow but I am not sure how to assist you. But perhaps if you do what it is the Dragonborn’s Birthwright to do……perhaps if you kill Alduin……perhaps this will help. Or perhaps not. But here is what you must do…
The screen fades out and when we back in, Dylan and Lydia are standing at the portal to Sovngarde - the nordic afterlife. It is essentially Valhalla, since Skyrim’s Nords are basically Vikings.
Dylan: OK….. So, Alduin is through this portal huh? Lydia….why are you standing in the way of me?!
Dylan barges past Lydia forcibly moving her out of the way.
Lydia: Ow.
Dylan: Yeah well…
Our heroes cautiously enter through the portal, the sound of Alduin The World Eater screeches in the distance. There is a blinding fog that Dylan cannot see past. Souls of departed Nords run around in panic. Dylan and Lydia follow the noise of Alduin’s screeches. Soon enough they come to Tsun. A massive foreboding man, bigger than Tank and Frankie Larossia combined. He is the Guardian of Sovngarde’s feast hall.
Tsun: I KNOW WHY YOU ARE HERE MORTAL! DEFEAT ALDUIN AT THE BACK OF SHOR’S FEAST HALL AND I WILL GIVE YOU WHAT YOU DESIRE.
With a nod of his head (Dylan is done questioning things), Dylan makes his way to the clearing round the back of the feast hall, where Alduin sits staring. Alduin begins to talk but Dylan draws his greatsword and thrusts it straight through the dragon’s throat! He then leaps onto the neck of the World Eater, and stabs his greatsword through Alduin’s head!! Alduin lets out a scream and suddenly there is an explosion!
Alduin is no more.
Tsun appears next to Dylan with a smirk and puts his hand on his shoulder. Suddenly Dylan is back in the real world. In Zybala’s laboratory. Zybala is then seen entering the laboratory again, ending his call.
Zybala: Hey, Dylan. Sorry about that. Important call.
Dylan doesn’t answer and merely shakes his head, leaving the laboratory. He gets into his car and drives away, leaving Zybala confused and scratching his head as he watches his friend leave.
Fade.
—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Word Count: 3,081
People that have come into OCW recently, your Diana Watts’s, your Tearra Skyes - hell, even your Kelson Hewitts, they’re all the future of OCW. And where does that leave me? I’m fifteen years into my wrestling career at this point and ten years ago when I married the love of my life, I promised her that we would take the wrestling world by storm. While I had a somewhat modest career over in GCWA, it’s here in OCW that the shit has really hit the fan for me. But I’m not blaming anyone but myself. It’s me that got myself into this mess and it’s going to be me that pulls myself out of it.
—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dylan: You know what I’m saying?
Dylan is standing inside the mad scientist Dexter’s Laboratory-esque, well, laboratory of his good friend Mike Zybala leaning against one of the panels, backside first with his arms folded. Machines are beeping everywhere, and Dylan looks around at all of them in awe. Mike Zybala offers the odd grunt here and there to let Dylan know that he IS listening, but he is busy working too while typing something on a nearby computer.
Dylan: What are you working on anyway?
Zybala: If my calculations are correct, which, I mean, they are…I’m Mike Zybala, what I’ve created here is something that is going to revolutionise the world!
Dylan: Revolutionise the world? Come on Mike, you know what happened the last time we were here…
Zybala: I know, I know… I unleashed a terrifying killer clown on the world, but this is something completely different!
Dylan raises an eyebrow.
Zybala: Don’t look at me like that, I know what I’m doing… Let me ask you… If you could go ANYWHERE at all and you had the chance to, would you take it?
Dylan: Like what, in the world?
Zybala: Think bigger!
Dylan: Space?
Zybala: Bigger!
Dylan: What’s bigger than Space?!
Zybala: Think more outside the box! Think like me!
Dylan: Think like you? Oh Jesus. I don’t know!
Zybala: Well, we already went to Derry, right?
Dylan: Right.
Zybala: Well…what if I told you that….
Zybala’s phone suddenly begins to ring.
Zybala: Ooh. I’ve got to take this. Listen, whatever you do Dylan… do not press that button right near where you’re standing.
Dylan turns around and notices a big red button right next to his ass cheek.
Dylan: The red one?
Zybala: The red one. It’ll start the whole process in motion and while I’ve worked out the calculations, it’s still not completely one hundred percent safe yet.
Dylan: Er… OK, sure.
With haste, Zybala jogs away and, with no-one else around to help keep him awake, Dylan begins to drift off into a snooze - his OCW stuff catching up to him as well as going out the other night with the Ghost Adventures crew. As his eyes fall, deeper and deeper, he accidentally knocks the button that Mike Zybala told him not to touch! There’s a bang! A crash and a huge flash of white light!
—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
: Hey, you! You’re finally awake!Dylan: Huh…what?
Dylan opens his eyes to find himself in a cart, being pulled by a horse and what looks to be driven by a Roman soldier. He turns around to look at the man who first spoke to him and then sees that other than this tall blonde man staring at him, he is in the cart with two other men. A poorly dressed fellow who looks like he lives on the streets of…wherever Dylan currently is and a large, physically imposing man who looks to be in his early to mid-forties who has his mouth gagged.
: You were trying to cross the border, right? Same as us… and that thief over there.Thief: Damn you, Stormcloaks. Before you came along, the Empire was nice and lazy. I could have stolen that horse and been halfway to Hammerfell.
The thief then looks over at Dylan who looks down to find that his arms are bound together with what looks to be tough leather straps and bindings.
Dylan: Where am I?
Thief: You there. You and me… we don't belong here. It's these Stormcloaks the Empire wants.
Dylan: Where are we going?
Thief: What's wrong with him, huh?
Blonde soldier: You watch your tongue! You're speaking to Ulfric Stormcloak! The true High King!
Confused, Dylan shrugs his shoulders and falls back to sleep in the cart. Some time goes by, and Dylan finds himself inside of cave. A young man dressed like a Roman soldier hastily runs up to him.
Young soldier: Come on! Hurry up! We've got to get out of here!
Dylan: Who are you? What's going on?
Young soldier: You don't remember?! A dragon is attacking! I'm Hadvar…. What's your name?
Dylan: Dylan. What do you mean a dragon is attacking?! Dragons aren't real!
Hadvar: I never believed that they were real either. But look outside! Helgen is lost.
Dylan: Helgen? Where are we?
Hadvar: Skyrim of course! Come on, this way.
Dylan follows Hadvar down a narrow crevice and sees that the walls of the chamber that they emerge into is covered in cobwebs.
Dylan: There are spiders in here?
Hadvar: Probably.
Suddenly, Dylan lets out a scream.
Dylan: Holy shit!!
Dylan looks ahead and can see many spiders, but they are as big as Alsatian dogs. The spiders begin to crawl and shuffle towards them and Dylan freezes in fear as one as big as a building drops from the ceiling.
Hadvar: Here, catch!
Dylan: A sword?! Haven’t you got an M16 or something?!
Hadvar: A what? Look, just stab them in the head!
Soon Hadvar and Dylan make it out of the cave only to see a gigantic black dragon fly away in the opposite direction. Dylan takes a breather, and the scene fades out.
—---------------------
When we fade back in, Dylan finds himself in the back of a cart again when a man turns his head around to look at him.
Man: Where do you want to go?
Dylan looks around, looking at the man.
Dylan: I’m sorry, what?
Man: I can take you to any of the hold capitals. Where do you want to go?
Dylan: I….uh…. I don’t know.
Man: If you don’t hurry up and tell me where you want to go, I’m throwing you out. You are wasting my time.
It was then that Dylan remembered what Hadvar had told him, not so long ago.
‘You should head to Solitude and join the Legion. I’m sure General Tullius could use someone like you to quell the Rebellion.’
Dylan: Ssssolitude? Can you get me to Solitude?
Man: Sure. Skyrim’s capital city don’t you know Have you heard there are men folk around these parts that look like cats? Kha-jeets I think they’re called.
Dylan: Human sized cats? Just how the hell did I make it here….?
The scene fades out again.
—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When the scene fades back in, Dylan hops out of the carriage and pays the man with some gold coins that he had picked up in the cave with Hadvar. He looks up the hill towards the gates of beautiful Solitude. Then he pulls his jacket over his shoulders and round his neck some more as he notices the definite chill in the air, and he starts walking towards the city of Solitude contemplating how in the blue hell he is going to get back home.
===============================================================
So, this, Mikey, was your grand idea?!! Send people into a video game?!! I don’t know what goes through that head of yours sometimes man, I really don’t…. But IF and WHEN I get out of here and back home to Earth, you and I are going to have some words at the Rumble in the Bronx. Ah, yes… the Rumble. What an utter clusterfuck that is going to be. I’m sorry OCW Faithful, I know you’re all looking forward to it - but face facts. It’s going to be an utter clusterfuck of bodies. Zybala is entering, Alice Knight is entering, Diana Watts is entering (hey kid) some people who I’ve never even heard of are entering and then the Fallen King himself Thaddeus Duke. Thaddeus Duke, the man who had the audacity to call Dylan Thomas the ‘new blood’. Just shows how much attention you pay to your roster doesn’t it Thad? Well, I guess it isn’t ‘your’ roster anymore.
Though I suppose I can see why you would say that. Dylan Thomas has been rather beige as of late, it pains me to say. Well, that is going to happen no longer! Because Dylan Thomas is going to walk into the Rumble in New York City and he’s going to win the entire thing. Now I realise that New York isn’t exactly my backyard but friend and ally or not, Mike Zybala…. I fully intend on throwing you out of the Rumble. After all, you threw me out of the Rumble on the new OCW video game! You thought I missed that huh?
Do I sound grumpy to you? No. No, I’m not being grumpy - I’m stuck in a fucking video game where I’ve nearly been eaten and chewed out by a giant lizard and multiple spiders the size of Alsatians and fucking buildings and I’m coming off of eight fucking losses.
So, y’know what? If and when I get back home, I’M coming back for the Rumble in the Bronx! I’m going to enter the Rumble in the Bronx and I’m going to WIN the Rumble in the goddamn Bronx. OCW Faithful, you were there when I saw the error of my ways previously and most of you are still there now, laughing along as the A-List Family put on a great show for all of you so what I’m about to say next is not aimed at you, the ones who still stick by me, no you guys will always have my thanks and gratitude - but I’ve heard pockets of people in the crowd. I’ve seen the signs written in the crowd… ‘Dylan can lick my A-Lister’ springs to mind.
You don’t think I’ve got it anymore, do you?! DO YOU?! Well for all of those that no longer believe in Dylan Thomas, for all of you who no longer look at Dylan Thomas as a hero and with respect? FUCK YOU. For fifteen years I bled for the wrestling business! I sweated for the wrestling business, never really caring if I had support or not. You see right now, as much as I know that the Dylan Thomas fans are there, it’s the pockets of haters that are growing louder and that are growing stronger.
Well for all of you haters out there - the ones who TURNED on me - I’m going to give you all what you DON’T want and what all of my TRUE fans DO want! I’m heading into the Rumble, and I AM coming out with the win and when I do ALL of you are going to respect it. You may not all like it, but you’re going to respect me when all is said and done. My win at Rumble in the Bronx is going to be nothing short of Perfection, Personified!
=============================================================
Dylan heads into Castle Dour in Solitude where he finds General Tullius chatting to his legate Rikke. Sensing the absurdity of everything right now, Dylan merely stands there until Tullius notices him.
Tullius: Are my men just allowing free reign to everyone that enters the castle now?
Dylan: No. But we’ve met before.
Tullius: Have…we? Oh! Oh of course. The escaped prisoner from Helgen. Well, what do you want?
Before Dylan can answer he is suddenly whisked away to the top of the Throat of the World, the tallest mountain in all of Skyrim, where he finds four men in hooded robes staring at him. Only one of them speaks, however in a whisper.
Arngeir: I am Master Arngier. I speak for the Greybeards. Long has it been that a Dragonborn has graced our halls.
Dylan: Er…what?
Arngeir: Let us taste of your Voice Dragonborn… we can take it.
Dylan: I don’t know what you’re….
Suddenly something within Dylan makes him feel compelled to Shout! He can’t control it. It erupts from him like lava spewing from a volcano.
Dylan: FUS RO DAH!!!!!!
The hooded men stumble a bit backwards, but they are otherwise unharmed. And honestly, they actually all seem rather impressed.
Dylan: What was that? How did I…. what did I….
Arngeir: You’re the Dragonborn.
Dylan: Well, this day keeps getting weirder and weirder, doesn’t it? I swear Mike when I get back home we are going to have SERIOUS words, my friend!
Arngeir: It is now time for you to meet the master of our order. He lives in seclusion at the very top of this mountain. To meet him is an honour. Follow the path through the gate behind me and you will reach the summit. There you will meet our master. And he will show you how to defeat Alduin.
Dylan: Who?
Arngeir: Alduin The World-Eater.
Dylan: Oh right. The big black dragon. Riiiiight.
Suddenly a woman in steel armour appears behind Dylan.
Dylan: Who in the blue hell are you?
Woman: Lydia. The jarl has appointed me to be your housecarl. It's an honour to serve you.
Dylan: Alright then. Um… what does a housecarl do?
Lydia: I'm sworn to your service. I'll guard you and all you own with my life! I'm also sworn to carry your burdens…….. I guess.
Dylan: OK… as if this day can't get any weirder. Wait, 'you guess'? What's with the sudden attitude?
Lydia: I mean no disrespect. I just hate burdens.
—--—------------
So as our heroes make their way up the mountain path, Dylan can't help but wonder just what the fuck is going on. It’s then that Dylan looks down and notices that he too, is now wearing armour of his own. He doesn’t know how he came to be wearing it but right now, who cares? On his back he finds that he is carrying a huge greatsword.
Dylan: Weeeeeeell! This is new…
Lydia: What’s that?
Dylan: I said… this is new.
Lydia: What?
Dylan: Let’s just say that where I’m from we don’t use swords to fight anymore.
Lydia: Akavir?
Dylan: Not quite.
Our heroes reach the top of the throat of the world and find that the very summit of the mountain is inhabited by a dragon! It circles overhead and Lydia draws her sword. The dragon then lands on the ground and begins to talk.
Dragon: Drem Yol Lok….Greetings… I am… Paarthurnax. I am the master of the Greybeards.
Dylan: You? But I thought that the dragons of Skyrim were evil and wanted to dominate everyone else…
Paarthurnax: True, dragons or as we call them the ‘dov’ were made to dominate. But I have overcome my true nature through meditation. Is it better to be born good? Or overcome being evil?
The words of Paarthurnax echo through Dylan and really begin to resonate with him. He looks back at the promo that he said earlier. He looks back and realises that he sounds like he is just throwing his toys out of his pram. But fuck it….. If it helps him win the Rumble in the Bronx, then this new outlook on life may be just what the doctor ordered.
Paarthurnax: But you… there is something different about you. You have arrived here on the ebb and flow of time, yet…. You are not from here. You are not from Skyrim… you are not even from Nirn.
Dylan: Very perceptive of you. Can you help me get home?
Paarthurnax: Hmm…. Krosis. It fills me with sorrow but I am not sure how to assist you. But perhaps if you do what it is the Dragonborn’s Birthwright to do……perhaps if you kill Alduin……perhaps this will help. Or perhaps not. But here is what you must do…
The screen fades out and when we back in, Dylan and Lydia are standing at the portal to Sovngarde - the nordic afterlife. It is essentially Valhalla, since Skyrim’s Nords are basically Vikings.
Dylan: OK….. So, Alduin is through this portal huh? Lydia….why are you standing in the way of me?!
Dylan barges past Lydia forcibly moving her out of the way.
Lydia: Ow.
Dylan: Yeah well…
Our heroes cautiously enter through the portal, the sound of Alduin The World Eater screeches in the distance. There is a blinding fog that Dylan cannot see past. Souls of departed Nords run around in panic. Dylan and Lydia follow the noise of Alduin’s screeches. Soon enough they come to Tsun. A massive foreboding man, bigger than Tank and Frankie Larossia combined. He is the Guardian of Sovngarde’s feast hall.
Tsun: I KNOW WHY YOU ARE HERE MORTAL! DEFEAT ALDUIN AT THE BACK OF SHOR’S FEAST HALL AND I WILL GIVE YOU WHAT YOU DESIRE.
With a nod of his head (Dylan is done questioning things), Dylan makes his way to the clearing round the back of the feast hall, where Alduin sits staring. Alduin begins to talk but Dylan draws his greatsword and thrusts it straight through the dragon’s throat! He then leaps onto the neck of the World Eater, and stabs his greatsword through Alduin’s head!! Alduin lets out a scream and suddenly there is an explosion!
Alduin is no more.
Tsun appears next to Dylan with a smirk and puts his hand on his shoulder. Suddenly Dylan is back in the real world. In Zybala’s laboratory. Zybala is then seen entering the laboratory again, ending his call.
Zybala: Hey, Dylan. Sorry about that. Important call.
Dylan doesn’t answer and merely shakes his head, leaving the laboratory. He gets into his car and drives away, leaving Zybala confused and scratching his head as he watches his friend leave.
Fade.
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Word Count: 3,081