Post by Plethora the Perilous on Nov 3, 2022 19:31:50 GMT -5
The CNN Situation Room logo flashes across your screen and we again see Wolf Blitzer. This time he is joined by a larger panel: Erin Burnett, Dana Bash, Dave Shmeltzer, and Verona “That Glasses Girl” McKay. The camera focuses on Wolf.
Wolf: Welcome back.. tonight, we are still thinking of the trial going on in Columbus, Ohio. The citizens of the United States have a question. They were turned into cannibals and everyone is asking: who is responsible? What say you, Erin Burnett?
Erin: Well, I think it seems from the past few days of testimony that the Bifford’s Sandwiches of Chicken organization was large and all encompassing.. It’s going to be difficult to tell who was in charge of what. We’ve had the prosecuting attorney bring in all of these employees, but nobody can say who was really in charge..
Wolf: Yes, the testimony has been really intriguing.. Dana Bash, tell me about the corpses. We heard this week about how the corpses came in..
Dana: Yes the testimony from the managers at the warehouses was.. disturbing.. You had them mostly saying the meat came in 99% of the time fully processed already into patties. They were just doing quality control.. but then the disturbing testimony of some of them that they saw Kenny walking around holding human arms.. it’s pretty hard to stomach.
Erin: Yeah and the testimony just keeps coming.. it seems like they’re going to call witnesses for weeks.
Wolf: Now Dave Shmeltzer, you’re the editor and writer of.. the.. some.. uh.. wrestling publication.
Dave: Yes.
Wolf: Dave, how beloved is the person known as Kenny Patsasoglou in the wrestling world?
Dave: Well, Bifford is pretty beloved, is super successful, and he usually has memorable sidekicks, but if you asked someone to list the 25 most captivating characters in OCW history, Kenny would be on nobody’s list.
Wolf: And this Bifford.. what do you have to say about him and his involvement in this?
Dave: Well Bifford is a serial killer and the fact that he also employs-
Wolf: Hold on there, Bifford is a serial killer?
Dave: I mean.. it’s widely known that he is, he went to prison for-
Wolf: We need to get the fact checkers on that.
Verona: Wolf, can we talk about the real issue here?
Wolf: Sorry, Verona.. yes.. Verona “The Glasses Girl” McKay you are famous all over the social media on the internet.. you are an advocate for wearing glasses.
Verona: I think we need to realize that Kenny is 100% being framed because of his frames.
Wolf: FRAMED because of the FRAMES!? That could be a hell of a line for Cornelius Cook.
Verona: Good, I hope he uses it. Kenny is an innocent man being targeted by a system that hates people who wear glasses. I know you have, at times, probably felt this oppression yourself Wolf.
Wolf: I have often felt oppression myself..
Dana: Oh give me a break..
Wolf: Don’t you start again..
Dave (under his breath): This is about to turn into a battle royal..
Wolf: Dave if you have something to say, you should say it aloud.
Erin: I have something to say. Wolf, you’ve lost control of this show, worse than Judge Peeples allowing Cornelius Cook to continue asking witnesses how many glasses-wearing friends they have. And on the subject of this show, this four-eyed Verona shouldn’t be given a voice.. she’s just social media trash.
Verona: Who you calling trash, bare-face?
Erin: Did she call me BEAR FACE!?
Dave Shmeltzer stands up and dashes away from the panel as everyone else stands and begins charging at one another as we go to a commercial.