Post by Crash Rodriguez on Nov 1, 2022 8:49:29 GMT -5
“So you’re just gonna up and disappear on us?”
“I’ve got to do what I have to, Lou.”
“Is this because you lost to Harmon? You were so close, Kid. Closer than anybody yet, don’t take it to-”
“Harmon is a fine Craze Champion. This has nothing to do with it.”
I continue to pack my bag, my eyes sneaking a glance at the clock. A little over an hour until my flight. One hour left with my family. With my son.
“I have to find them, Lou.”
“They wouldn’t go searching for you.”
“Doesn’t matter. Please understand, there’s something missing, Lou. There’s this hole inside of me, and I’ve gotta fill it before it grows into a pit.”
Lou stares at his feet.
“Well, me and the boy can go with you. It’ll be like a family vacation.”
“Lou, I have no idea where they are. I don’t know how long it’ll be. Bash needs a stable home, and somebody has to hold down the butcher shop.”
Lou looks up at me, his eyes glossed as they hold back tears.
“Any idea when you’ll be back?”
“As soon as I can be.”
With that Lou has his arms wrapped around me.
"Be safe, Kid."
“I’ve got to do what I have to, Lou.”
“Is this because you lost to Harmon? You were so close, Kid. Closer than anybody yet, don’t take it to-”
“Harmon is a fine Craze Champion. This has nothing to do with it.”
I continue to pack my bag, my eyes sneaking a glance at the clock. A little over an hour until my flight. One hour left with my family. With my son.
“I have to find them, Lou.”
“They wouldn’t go searching for you.”
“Doesn’t matter. Please understand, there’s something missing, Lou. There’s this hole inside of me, and I’ve gotta fill it before it grows into a pit.”
Lou stares at his feet.
“Well, me and the boy can go with you. It’ll be like a family vacation.”
“Lou, I have no idea where they are. I don’t know how long it’ll be. Bash needs a stable home, and somebody has to hold down the butcher shop.”
Lou looks up at me, his eyes glossed as they hold back tears.
“Any idea when you’ll be back?”
“As soon as I can be.”
With that Lou has his arms wrapped around me.
"Be safe, Kid."
***
It was a hard decision to step away. OCW is my home. I’ve put months into this place. Years into this company. I’ve given it my heart and soul. Yet, for a while now it’s felt like I’ve given too much, and it’s left me with nothing. OCW deserves everything I’ve given, nothing less. But here I am, with so little left to give. I can’t push forward like this. I close my eyes and intrusive thoughts swarm like locusts in the night, feeding on my pain, my trauma, my sanity… All I can wonder is ‘How long?’
How long will I be away? How long until I walk down the ramp and slip between those ropes again? How long until I find them? How long until I feel ok? How long until I no longer feel myself being dragged down to hell? How long until I will see my son’s smile? How long until I am once again Crash Rodriguez?
A few days? Weeks? Months? YEARS?
How long is this goodbye? Is it forever? Part of me fears it may be, but there’s that part that knows this goodbye isn’t forever… This goodbye is only for now.