CJ and Gilbert: A budding bromance renaissance style!
Oct 20, 2022 10:58:49 GMT -5
zybala likes this
Post by Gilbert on Oct 20, 2022 10:58:49 GMT -5
Suddenly a camera switches on and loveable under-underdog Gilbert smiles at us.
Gilbert: H-hi. I-it’s me. Gilbert. And I’m here today to t-talk to you about…………..
Gilbert looks around nervously. He then leans into his camera more and whispers.
Gilbert: S.E.X.!
Gilbert pauses as we see his cheeks turn red.
Gilbert: Though… n-not about S-sex, the act of making love. No. I’m talking about the return of the Sports Entertainment Xpress!!
Gilbert leans back in his chair and the camera pans back revealing that Gilbert is sitting at a round table.
Gilbert: N-now, you may be wondering why I am sitting at a round table. Well for this tournament in Outsiders, CJ and myself are known as Alice’s Kn-Knights - a delightfully little play on words there by M-Mr. Zybala. And hey, look! I went to a renaissance fair the other day and take a look at what I bought!
Gilbert then lifts a broadsword and shield onto the table.
Gilbert: If CJ and I are gonna be knights, then we’re gonna be Alice’s Knights for real!
Suddenly there is a knock at the door, which startles Gilbert. He turns to face the door.
CJ: Gilbert! It’s me! Why did you ask me to come round - you wanted to show me something? I swear Gilbert if you fooking want us to measure dicks again…..
Gilbert: I….hold on, CJ!
Gilbert stands up and puts on a knight’s helmet before opening the door and CJ looks at him completely confused.
CJ: What the FOOK are you wearing, buddy?
Gilbert: W-well….. On Outsiders, we’re going to be called ‘Alice’s Knights’ for the Marcus Welsh tournament, r-right?
CJ looks even more confused by this.
CJ: So fooking what?
Gilbert: Well… I went to a renaissance fair a few days ago. I bought these and….!
CJ: No, don’t fooking tell me.
Gilbert: Oh yeah!
Gilbert pulls out another knight’s helmet and plonks it on CJ’s head. He then picks up the camera and zooms in on CJ’s face.
Gilbert: So? What do you think?
CJ doesn’t look impressed at all.
CJ: I don’t think it suits me at all.
CJ takes off the helmet and throws it on the floor. It breaks and Gilbert screams in horror. The screen then fades out and we join Alice’s Knights in downtown Key West Florida. Gilbert still in his suit of armour carrying his sword and shield. The helmet that CJ was wearing has been ‘repaired’ with tape and it is once again on the Distinguished head of CJ O’Donnell.
Gilbert: OK! N-now I’ve brought CJ into downtown Key West Florida because of one reason. Look at this.
Gilbert zooms in on a poster on a wall. The poster reads as follows:
‘JOUSTING TOURNAMENT TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’
CJ: A fooking jousting tournament?! What the fook are we doing here, Gilbert?
Gilbert: Knights jousted. So we’re gonna joust. If we have any chance of defeating S.E.X. in the tournament then we have to learn how to be knights!
Gilbert puts his hand over the camera and when he removes his hand again, Alice’s Knights are both sitting on horses, lances in hand. CJ does not look happy at all.
CJ: This is fooking ridiculous. You know I’m just gonna fook up Terry Marshall. So what’s the fooking point?
Gilbert: I’ve told you what the point of all this is. Just humour me, OK?
CJ rolls his eyes under his helmet (not that we can see it but whatever) and shrugs those Distinguished shoulders of his.
Gilbert: Come on CJ, it’s about to s-start.
CJ and Gilbert then lead their horses into the jousting arena where there is a crowd of people sitting in the stands cheering already. The announcer for the event is shouting at the top of his lungs (there were no microphones back in the middle ages -come on people!)
Announcer: Welcome everyone to the jousting event to end all jousting events!!!!!! This is JOUSTAMANIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The crowd cheers immensely and the announcer continues.
Announcer: Today we have special guests for the event. OCW’s own Sir CJ of O’Donnell and Sir Gilbert of Key West!
The crowd cheers the hometown hero and it is Gilbert up first. The camera fades out and we fade back in on Gilbert facing down another faceless/nameless knight.
Announcer: And knights ready!
Gilbert and bozo knight get into position. CJ looks bored to hell.
Announcer: Knights, look to your muses.
Gilbert’s muse is obviously not here at the jousting tournament so he turns and nods towards CJ instead and CJ looks disgusted.
Announcer: And CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gilbert and the bozo knight charge towards one another and CJ covers his eyes because he doesn’t want to see another loss for his partner. There is a bang, a clang and a crash! CJ looks through his fingers to see Gilbert celebrating - the little shite actually won! CJ can’t believe it and runs over to his partner to celebrate with him.
CJ: Ya fooking did it! Ya actually fooking did it! I can’t fooking believe it! You actually fooking won!
CJ helps Gilbert off of his horse and slaps him in the back in congratulations, almost knocking his partner over but he catches him in time. Gilbert starts to giggle.
Gilbert: You’re flippin’ right I won, CJ! This is not my first rodeo at a jousting event. I’m Key West’s jousting Champion three years running, I just asked them to keep it quiet. OK Your go! Let’s keep the momentum running for Alice’s Knights! I’m g-going to go change out of my armour and then film you for your joust.
The screen fades out as Alice’s Knights go their separate ways and the next time that we see Gilbert he is in the stands with his video camera.
Gilbert: H-hi everyone, i-it’s me Gilbert. Now I-I know that they didn’t have video cameras in the Middle Ages but we have to record CJ’s epic win now don’t we? Let’s watch my partner for the Marcus Welsh Tournament kick some bum!
Gilbert turns the camera to face the joust, just as CJ is about to charge. Seconds later, it’s a win for CJ!
==================================================================
Gilbert: S.E.X. I don’t know how you’ve made it back from nowhere and I thought Space Lord died? A-anyways… If you think that you’re going through in the Marcus Welsh memorial tournament just because one of your opponents is me, then you couldn’t be more wrong! Gilbert is on the best win/loss record of his career in wrestling. Three wins! Three! That basically means I’m unstoppable right now. You hear me?! Gilbert is U-UNSTOPPABLE! O-one of those wins is the Raging Skull. Can you guys say that you’ve defeated someone about five times your size? No. I can! Gilbert can! T-the fact S.E.X. is this. CJ and I are going to walk into the Marcus Welsh tournament and beat you two s-s-steroided freaks and become the winners of the Marcus Welsh Memorial tournament and there is nothing that you two can do about it. We’re Alice’s Knights you see - chivalrous to the end! And I know Alice Knight will be cheering me - I mean, us - on to beat you.
On top of all of that! I’m Key West jousting champion three years running! Can any of the X-x-xpress say that they are that? No they can’t. Th-that’s why Alice’s Knights will always r-reign supreme and you guys will continue to be like zombies. Dead and smell really bad when they come to the surface!
But it’s OK because I’m semi-positively sure that knights were also renowned undead slayers - at least they are in the Elder Scrolls series of video games (if you build your character that way anyway). So you see? Knight lore and logic is on our side! For that reason alone it’s a forgone c-conclusion that you can’t and won’t beat us at the next Dystopia.
T-the best thing for you to do is not even show up at Dystopia and give us a bye in the tournament. Because we’ll be saying bye to you guys anyway!
======================================================================
Just as Gilbert finishes his promo a successful CJ O’ Donnell comes up behind his partner and hoists him up onto his shoulders still in an obvious celebratory mood!
CJ: Gilbert, I never thought I would fooking say this - especially about you of all people - but I really had fun today! You know what Gilbert? You’re actually not that bad of a guy are you? When I asked you to be my fooking partner for the tournament they all thought I was crazy…
Gilbert: I have to admit that even I didn’t know what game you were playing, CJ. Can you put me down, now please? I-I’m getting heady.
CJ puts his partner down.
CJ: Speaking of ‘heady’........
Gilbert: Yes?
CJ: Just how did your date with Vicky Stone go after we sabotaged Equality?
Gilbert: I-it didn’t happen but I can’t see -
CJ: You know what? Never mind.
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Word Count: 1,500
Gilbert: H-hi. I-it’s me. Gilbert. And I’m here today to t-talk to you about…………..
Gilbert looks around nervously. He then leans into his camera more and whispers.
Gilbert: S.E.X.!
Gilbert pauses as we see his cheeks turn red.
Gilbert: Though… n-not about S-sex, the act of making love. No. I’m talking about the return of the Sports Entertainment Xpress!!
Gilbert leans back in his chair and the camera pans back revealing that Gilbert is sitting at a round table.
Gilbert: N-now, you may be wondering why I am sitting at a round table. Well for this tournament in Outsiders, CJ and myself are known as Alice’s Kn-Knights - a delightfully little play on words there by M-Mr. Zybala. And hey, look! I went to a renaissance fair the other day and take a look at what I bought!
Gilbert then lifts a broadsword and shield onto the table.
Gilbert: If CJ and I are gonna be knights, then we’re gonna be Alice’s Knights for real!
Suddenly there is a knock at the door, which startles Gilbert. He turns to face the door.
CJ: Gilbert! It’s me! Why did you ask me to come round - you wanted to show me something? I swear Gilbert if you fooking want us to measure dicks again…..
Gilbert: I….hold on, CJ!
Gilbert stands up and puts on a knight’s helmet before opening the door and CJ looks at him completely confused.
CJ: What the FOOK are you wearing, buddy?
Gilbert: W-well….. On Outsiders, we’re going to be called ‘Alice’s Knights’ for the Marcus Welsh tournament, r-right?
CJ looks even more confused by this.
CJ: So fooking what?
Gilbert: Well… I went to a renaissance fair a few days ago. I bought these and….!
CJ: No, don’t fooking tell me.
Gilbert: Oh yeah!
Gilbert pulls out another knight’s helmet and plonks it on CJ’s head. He then picks up the camera and zooms in on CJ’s face.
Gilbert: So? What do you think?
CJ doesn’t look impressed at all.
CJ: I don’t think it suits me at all.
CJ takes off the helmet and throws it on the floor. It breaks and Gilbert screams in horror. The screen then fades out and we join Alice’s Knights in downtown Key West Florida. Gilbert still in his suit of armour carrying his sword and shield. The helmet that CJ was wearing has been ‘repaired’ with tape and it is once again on the Distinguished head of CJ O’Donnell.
Gilbert: OK! N-now I’ve brought CJ into downtown Key West Florida because of one reason. Look at this.
Gilbert zooms in on a poster on a wall. The poster reads as follows:
‘JOUSTING TOURNAMENT TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’
CJ: A fooking jousting tournament?! What the fook are we doing here, Gilbert?
Gilbert: Knights jousted. So we’re gonna joust. If we have any chance of defeating S.E.X. in the tournament then we have to learn how to be knights!
Gilbert puts his hand over the camera and when he removes his hand again, Alice’s Knights are both sitting on horses, lances in hand. CJ does not look happy at all.
CJ: This is fooking ridiculous. You know I’m just gonna fook up Terry Marshall. So what’s the fooking point?
Gilbert: I’ve told you what the point of all this is. Just humour me, OK?
CJ rolls his eyes under his helmet (not that we can see it but whatever) and shrugs those Distinguished shoulders of his.
Gilbert: Come on CJ, it’s about to s-start.
CJ and Gilbert then lead their horses into the jousting arena where there is a crowd of people sitting in the stands cheering already. The announcer for the event is shouting at the top of his lungs (there were no microphones back in the middle ages -come on people!)
Announcer: Welcome everyone to the jousting event to end all jousting events!!!!!! This is JOUSTAMANIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The crowd cheers immensely and the announcer continues.
Announcer: Today we have special guests for the event. OCW’s own Sir CJ of O’Donnell and Sir Gilbert of Key West!
The crowd cheers the hometown hero and it is Gilbert up first. The camera fades out and we fade back in on Gilbert facing down another faceless/nameless knight.
Announcer: And knights ready!
Gilbert and bozo knight get into position. CJ looks bored to hell.
Announcer: Knights, look to your muses.
Gilbert’s muse is obviously not here at the jousting tournament so he turns and nods towards CJ instead and CJ looks disgusted.
Announcer: And CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gilbert and the bozo knight charge towards one another and CJ covers his eyes because he doesn’t want to see another loss for his partner. There is a bang, a clang and a crash! CJ looks through his fingers to see Gilbert celebrating - the little shite actually won! CJ can’t believe it and runs over to his partner to celebrate with him.
CJ: Ya fooking did it! Ya actually fooking did it! I can’t fooking believe it! You actually fooking won!
CJ helps Gilbert off of his horse and slaps him in the back in congratulations, almost knocking his partner over but he catches him in time. Gilbert starts to giggle.
Gilbert: You’re flippin’ right I won, CJ! This is not my first rodeo at a jousting event. I’m Key West’s jousting Champion three years running, I just asked them to keep it quiet. OK Your go! Let’s keep the momentum running for Alice’s Knights! I’m g-going to go change out of my armour and then film you for your joust.
The screen fades out as Alice’s Knights go their separate ways and the next time that we see Gilbert he is in the stands with his video camera.
Gilbert: H-hi everyone, i-it’s me Gilbert. Now I-I know that they didn’t have video cameras in the Middle Ages but we have to record CJ’s epic win now don’t we? Let’s watch my partner for the Marcus Welsh Tournament kick some bum!
Gilbert turns the camera to face the joust, just as CJ is about to charge. Seconds later, it’s a win for CJ!
==================================================================
Gilbert: S.E.X. I don’t know how you’ve made it back from nowhere and I thought Space Lord died? A-anyways… If you think that you’re going through in the Marcus Welsh memorial tournament just because one of your opponents is me, then you couldn’t be more wrong! Gilbert is on the best win/loss record of his career in wrestling. Three wins! Three! That basically means I’m unstoppable right now. You hear me?! Gilbert is U-UNSTOPPABLE! O-one of those wins is the Raging Skull. Can you guys say that you’ve defeated someone about five times your size? No. I can! Gilbert can! T-the fact S.E.X. is this. CJ and I are going to walk into the Marcus Welsh tournament and beat you two s-s-steroided freaks and become the winners of the Marcus Welsh Memorial tournament and there is nothing that you two can do about it. We’re Alice’s Knights you see - chivalrous to the end! And I know Alice Knight will be cheering me - I mean, us - on to beat you.
On top of all of that! I’m Key West jousting champion three years running! Can any of the X-x-xpress say that they are that? No they can’t. Th-that’s why Alice’s Knights will always r-reign supreme and you guys will continue to be like zombies. Dead and smell really bad when they come to the surface!
But it’s OK because I’m semi-positively sure that knights were also renowned undead slayers - at least they are in the Elder Scrolls series of video games (if you build your character that way anyway). So you see? Knight lore and logic is on our side! For that reason alone it’s a forgone c-conclusion that you can’t and won’t beat us at the next Dystopia.
T-the best thing for you to do is not even show up at Dystopia and give us a bye in the tournament. Because we’ll be saying bye to you guys anyway!
======================================================================
Just as Gilbert finishes his promo a successful CJ O’ Donnell comes up behind his partner and hoists him up onto his shoulders still in an obvious celebratory mood!
CJ: Gilbert, I never thought I would fooking say this - especially about you of all people - but I really had fun today! You know what Gilbert? You’re actually not that bad of a guy are you? When I asked you to be my fooking partner for the tournament they all thought I was crazy…
Gilbert: I have to admit that even I didn’t know what game you were playing, CJ. Can you put me down, now please? I-I’m getting heady.
CJ puts his partner down.
CJ: Speaking of ‘heady’........
Gilbert: Yes?
CJ: Just how did your date with Vicky Stone go after we sabotaged Equality?
Gilbert: I-it didn’t happen but I can’t see -
CJ: You know what? Never mind.
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Word Count: 1,500