Post by The Nickleman on Oct 1, 2022 23:59:17 GMT -5
"Order, order in my court room!"
A judge bangs his gavel down hard as he tries to quiet down the obnoxious raucous going on just off screen. This particular prick-in-a-robe has a completely bald head, a face full of wrinkles, and some old timey glasses that rest way down on his nose. The judge scans his courtroom with a scowl. This was already shaping up to be one of the most deranged family court cases he'd seen in his 30 year judicial career.
"Family Court is supposed to be civil, not criminal! Don't make me make this criminal!"
The judge bangs down on his gavel some more, each strike containing more fury. The camera zooms out and we can see that OCW's fastest rising star, The Nickleman, is standing on top of a table in the courtroom, flexing his muscles and roaring like a mighty lion. At his feet there are several photos and hand-written letters, but no one really knows that those are for. Sitting at a table across the courtroom from The Nickleman we none other than Connie Nichols, his bitch of an ex-wife, and she's flanked by lawyers on either side. In the gallery of the court room we can see Charles' two children, Emily and Tyler, seated next to a familiar looking social worker.
"Mr. Nichols, calm down and get off the table or I'm going to hold you in contempt of court!"
"I'm just trying to explain to you what I do for a living! Now get one of the bailiffs over here so I can put them through this table!"
"Mr. Nichols! DOWN! NOW! This is your final warning!"
"Alright, alright! I'm just trying to be helpful! Jesus...."
The Nickleman sneers and shakes his head from side to side as he hops off the table and takes a reluctant seat behind it. OCW's most X-treme athlete rolls his eyes and crosses his hands over his chest.
"You asked me what I did for a living, why are you getting mad at me for trying to explain...."
The judge holds his head in his hands, clearly exasperated by this madman's antics already. Connie Nichols sits beside her lawyers at their table, trying to hide their smirk, because they all knew exactly how the judge was going to rule on this family court case.
"Mr. Nichols, I only need to ask these questions to establish a baseline for how much child support you should be paying! A first-hand demonstration of your "professional" wrestling skills is far less useful than a receipt of payments from your employer!"
"But I don't have an employer! I'm an independent contractor! I'm my own boss!"
One of Connie's lawyers stands up with a grin.
"Objection, your honor! 'Mr.' Nichols does have a boss....it's Thaddeus Duke!"
The Nickleman stares across the courtroom, seething with rage.
"You god damned bastard! He's not my fucking boss, he's a client! I provide the muscle and the rough-n'-tussle and he provides the details and the payment. That's not an employment relationship! That's a damn partnership!"
"Mr. Nichols! Watch your language!"
The Nickleman stares up at the judge incredulously, like he can't believe what was just said.
"And just how do you suppose I do that? Watch my words? Do you want me to take my fucking eyeballs out and turn them around?"
"MR. NICHOLS! If you keep up with this I WILL hold you in contempt of court, and I will rule against you in this case without a second thought!"
Connie's lawyer sits down as she cracks a big smile. The former Mrs. Nickleman is beyond enthused to watch the judge admonish her tormenter for his behavior.
"You can't do that! I'm defending myself in this case, so that makes me a lawyer, and you have to give me all the privileges you give other lawyers!"
"Mr. Nichols, going pro se in a case does NOT make you a lawyer!"
"So I'm a lawyer per se-"
"You're representing yourself without a lawyer, pro se!"
"What are you talking about, your honor? I'm not representing myself per se, I'm just representing myself! Have you been drinking?"
"MR. NICHOLS!"
The judge hammers his gavel once more.
"I suggest you sit down and shut up so we can get this case underway, so you don't get yourself in any more trouble!"
The Nickleman blows some hot air out of his mouth as he slouches down in his chair, looking off into the distance as the lawyers at Connie's table begin preparing their opening arguments. The judge clears his throat so that he can begin this case anew.
"So, we are here today to rule on a motion brought forth by the mother of Emily and Tyler Nichols, to eliminate all of their father's custodial rights and begin garnishing past due child support payments. Because this motion was brought forth by the mother, I will hear her statements first."
The judge gestures over to the lawyers at Connie's table and one of them rises to a standing position. He holds a piece of paper in his hands and stares down at it, reading the words off of it verbatim.
"Your honor, it is with a heavy heart that we submit this motion for your consideration. While Connie has done everything in her power to foster a loving and supportive relationship between Mr. Nichols and the children, he has time and time again neglected his duties as a father. Our records show that he misses more than half of his scheduled visits, and when he does show up, he is usually intoxicated with unknown substances. We have a social worker here today from the Child Protective Services of Ohio who will testify to this.
Further, our records show that Mr. Nichols has not made a timely child support payment in over a year, and in fact, has not made any child support payments in the last six months! This is despite him signing an extremely lucrative contract with Online Championship Wrestling.
Your honor, we were hesitant to submit this motion, but as Mr. Nichols behavior grows more and more deranged, we felt we had no choice but to ask for consideration of such an extreme measure. Further, we believe that Mr. Nichols career as a professional wrestler is contributing to his mental instability, and the violence he has shown before and after both his matches in the OCW have led us to believe that he truly has gone off the deep end."
The judge seems to consider the remarks closely and carefully, writing down notes into a journal with a ballpoint pen. After a few seconds of consideration, the judge turns to Nickleman, to hear his side of the story.
"And what do you have to say in your defense, Mr. Nichols?"
"This is all a bunch of bullshit! That's what I have to say!"
The lawyers at Connie's table smirk as the social worker clutches her pearl necklace and the judge begins to seethe. That's when The Nickleman stands up and begins pacing around the front of the courtroom while gesticulating wildly.
"I'm a great man, a great wrestler, and a great father!
No, strike that!"
The Nickleman turns towards the court clerk who is dutifully taking the record.
"Strike that!"
The court clerk nods along and adjusts the record as the judge begins pounding his gavel once more.
"Order! Order! I've heard enough from you, Mr. Nichols."
"I'm THE GREATEST man, the GREATEST wrestler, and the GREATEST father! I'm the GREATEST lover, too, and even that bitch Connie could testify to that! I put boots to asses and dicks to pussies like no one else in this business. I love just like I wrestle, your honor, HARD- and pretty soon even Steve The Black will be able to attest to that!"
"ORDER! ORDER!"
The Nickleman ignores the judge's rampant swinging of the gavel, just like he's known to ignore the referee's rulings from time to time. The Nickleman marches right up to the judge's podium and grabs him by the collar, forcing him to lean in real close!
"BAILIFF! BAILIFF! HELP!"
"You look here judge, you're going to rule in my favor on this bullshit, because if you don't- well fuck, you should know what's going to happen to you! I might not be a good lawyer, but I'm a damn fine fighter, and if you doubt that you should just tune into Massacre this Monday night! When I go into that match against that circus minstrel, face-paint wearing asshole Steve The Black I'm going to pretend it's your wrinkly face behind that makeup! When I watch his blood spill out from corner-to-corner and post-to-post, I'm going to bathe in it, just like I would bathe in your blood if you stepped against me wrong!"
"BAILIFF! WHERE'S THE BAILIFF?!?!"
The judge tries to pull away furiously, but it's no use, because Charles has a tight grip on his collar! The lawyers at Connie's table are freaking out, but she's not. She is always expecting this kind of debauchery from her bum-ass baby daddy.
"Just like Steve The Black you're not man enough to stand toe-to-toe with me. I've fought giants and slain legends in the squared circle, so what the fuck do you think I'll do to little shitbags like you and Steve, huh? I'm the meanest fucking mutt in the junkyard, and when I see a rat I want I fucking pounce on it and rip it to shreds- each and every time. I'm not like you and Steve, your "honor", I don't play these bullshit games. I'm not programmed to be fun, I'm not built to be follow the rules: I was just born to terrorize, baby, and that's what I've always done best! I'm going to be mauling a bitch named Steve on Monday and if you rule against me....YOU'RE NEXT!"
The Nickleman looks back as he sees two burly bailiffs burst into the door. The Nickleman spits in the judge's face before pushing him back into his chair and charging at a window. The Nickleman leaps through the window and makes it to safety just before the bailiffs can gnab him!
A judge bangs his gavel down hard as he tries to quiet down the obnoxious raucous going on just off screen. This particular prick-in-a-robe has a completely bald head, a face full of wrinkles, and some old timey glasses that rest way down on his nose. The judge scans his courtroom with a scowl. This was already shaping up to be one of the most deranged family court cases he'd seen in his 30 year judicial career.
"Family Court is supposed to be civil, not criminal! Don't make me make this criminal!"
The judge bangs down on his gavel some more, each strike containing more fury. The camera zooms out and we can see that OCW's fastest rising star, The Nickleman, is standing on top of a table in the courtroom, flexing his muscles and roaring like a mighty lion. At his feet there are several photos and hand-written letters, but no one really knows that those are for. Sitting at a table across the courtroom from The Nickleman we none other than Connie Nichols, his bitch of an ex-wife, and she's flanked by lawyers on either side. In the gallery of the court room we can see Charles' two children, Emily and Tyler, seated next to a familiar looking social worker.
"Mr. Nichols, calm down and get off the table or I'm going to hold you in contempt of court!"
"I'm just trying to explain to you what I do for a living! Now get one of the bailiffs over here so I can put them through this table!"
"Mr. Nichols! DOWN! NOW! This is your final warning!"
"Alright, alright! I'm just trying to be helpful! Jesus...."
The Nickleman sneers and shakes his head from side to side as he hops off the table and takes a reluctant seat behind it. OCW's most X-treme athlete rolls his eyes and crosses his hands over his chest.
"You asked me what I did for a living, why are you getting mad at me for trying to explain...."
The judge holds his head in his hands, clearly exasperated by this madman's antics already. Connie Nichols sits beside her lawyers at their table, trying to hide their smirk, because they all knew exactly how the judge was going to rule on this family court case.
"Mr. Nichols, I only need to ask these questions to establish a baseline for how much child support you should be paying! A first-hand demonstration of your "professional" wrestling skills is far less useful than a receipt of payments from your employer!"
"But I don't have an employer! I'm an independent contractor! I'm my own boss!"
One of Connie's lawyers stands up with a grin.
"Objection, your honor! 'Mr.' Nichols does have a boss....it's Thaddeus Duke!"
The Nickleman stares across the courtroom, seething with rage.
"You god damned bastard! He's not my fucking boss, he's a client! I provide the muscle and the rough-n'-tussle and he provides the details and the payment. That's not an employment relationship! That's a damn partnership!"
"Mr. Nichols! Watch your language!"
The Nickleman stares up at the judge incredulously, like he can't believe what was just said.
"And just how do you suppose I do that? Watch my words? Do you want me to take my fucking eyeballs out and turn them around?"
"MR. NICHOLS! If you keep up with this I WILL hold you in contempt of court, and I will rule against you in this case without a second thought!"
Connie's lawyer sits down as she cracks a big smile. The former Mrs. Nickleman is beyond enthused to watch the judge admonish her tormenter for his behavior.
"You can't do that! I'm defending myself in this case, so that makes me a lawyer, and you have to give me all the privileges you give other lawyers!"
"Mr. Nichols, going pro se in a case does NOT make you a lawyer!"
"So I'm a lawyer per se-"
"You're representing yourself without a lawyer, pro se!"
"What are you talking about, your honor? I'm not representing myself per se, I'm just representing myself! Have you been drinking?"
"MR. NICHOLS!"
The judge hammers his gavel once more.
"I suggest you sit down and shut up so we can get this case underway, so you don't get yourself in any more trouble!"
The Nickleman blows some hot air out of his mouth as he slouches down in his chair, looking off into the distance as the lawyers at Connie's table begin preparing their opening arguments. The judge clears his throat so that he can begin this case anew.
"So, we are here today to rule on a motion brought forth by the mother of Emily and Tyler Nichols, to eliminate all of their father's custodial rights and begin garnishing past due child support payments. Because this motion was brought forth by the mother, I will hear her statements first."
The judge gestures over to the lawyers at Connie's table and one of them rises to a standing position. He holds a piece of paper in his hands and stares down at it, reading the words off of it verbatim.
"Your honor, it is with a heavy heart that we submit this motion for your consideration. While Connie has done everything in her power to foster a loving and supportive relationship between Mr. Nichols and the children, he has time and time again neglected his duties as a father. Our records show that he misses more than half of his scheduled visits, and when he does show up, he is usually intoxicated with unknown substances. We have a social worker here today from the Child Protective Services of Ohio who will testify to this.
Further, our records show that Mr. Nichols has not made a timely child support payment in over a year, and in fact, has not made any child support payments in the last six months! This is despite him signing an extremely lucrative contract with Online Championship Wrestling.
Your honor, we were hesitant to submit this motion, but as Mr. Nichols behavior grows more and more deranged, we felt we had no choice but to ask for consideration of such an extreme measure. Further, we believe that Mr. Nichols career as a professional wrestler is contributing to his mental instability, and the violence he has shown before and after both his matches in the OCW have led us to believe that he truly has gone off the deep end."
The judge seems to consider the remarks closely and carefully, writing down notes into a journal with a ballpoint pen. After a few seconds of consideration, the judge turns to Nickleman, to hear his side of the story.
"And what do you have to say in your defense, Mr. Nichols?"
"This is all a bunch of bullshit! That's what I have to say!"
The lawyers at Connie's table smirk as the social worker clutches her pearl necklace and the judge begins to seethe. That's when The Nickleman stands up and begins pacing around the front of the courtroom while gesticulating wildly.
"I'm a great man, a great wrestler, and a great father!
No, strike that!"
The Nickleman turns towards the court clerk who is dutifully taking the record.
"Strike that!"
The court clerk nods along and adjusts the record as the judge begins pounding his gavel once more.
"Order! Order! I've heard enough from you, Mr. Nichols."
"I'm THE GREATEST man, the GREATEST wrestler, and the GREATEST father! I'm the GREATEST lover, too, and even that bitch Connie could testify to that! I put boots to asses and dicks to pussies like no one else in this business. I love just like I wrestle, your honor, HARD- and pretty soon even Steve The Black will be able to attest to that!"
"ORDER! ORDER!"
The Nickleman ignores the judge's rampant swinging of the gavel, just like he's known to ignore the referee's rulings from time to time. The Nickleman marches right up to the judge's podium and grabs him by the collar, forcing him to lean in real close!
"BAILIFF! BAILIFF! HELP!"
"You look here judge, you're going to rule in my favor on this bullshit, because if you don't- well fuck, you should know what's going to happen to you! I might not be a good lawyer, but I'm a damn fine fighter, and if you doubt that you should just tune into Massacre this Monday night! When I go into that match against that circus minstrel, face-paint wearing asshole Steve The Black I'm going to pretend it's your wrinkly face behind that makeup! When I watch his blood spill out from corner-to-corner and post-to-post, I'm going to bathe in it, just like I would bathe in your blood if you stepped against me wrong!"
"BAILIFF! WHERE'S THE BAILIFF?!?!"
The judge tries to pull away furiously, but it's no use, because Charles has a tight grip on his collar! The lawyers at Connie's table are freaking out, but she's not. She is always expecting this kind of debauchery from her bum-ass baby daddy.
"Just like Steve The Black you're not man enough to stand toe-to-toe with me. I've fought giants and slain legends in the squared circle, so what the fuck do you think I'll do to little shitbags like you and Steve, huh? I'm the meanest fucking mutt in the junkyard, and when I see a rat I want I fucking pounce on it and rip it to shreds- each and every time. I'm not like you and Steve, your "honor", I don't play these bullshit games. I'm not programmed to be fun, I'm not built to be follow the rules: I was just born to terrorize, baby, and that's what I've always done best! I'm going to be mauling a bitch named Steve on Monday and if you rule against me....YOU'RE NEXT!"
The Nickleman looks back as he sees two burly bailiffs burst into the door. The Nickleman spits in the judge's face before pushing him back into his chair and charging at a window. The Nickleman leaps through the window and makes it to safety just before the bailiffs can gnab him!
