Breaking: Alice's OWLisNIGHT MUSTARD Banned from Canada

[Alice Knight]

[Alice Knight]

Hey Alice here. And gang. You may have heard that ABC News reported on a story on the OWL is NIGHT Mustard controversy happening right now. Blah, blah, blah. Canadiens. 
The report was on ABC News channel titled 'POISONED: THE MUSTARD CRISIS'.
The story broke after two Canadian children were found dead allegedly from 'chocking' and 'poisoned' on the Chunky OWL IS NIGHT Mustard. Causing the LAME and UNFAIR ban of The OWL IS NIGHT Mustard in Canada.
FAKE NEWS!
I want you all to know that I am doing fine. And should return to the ring soon. Despite what is happening. Thanks and a HOOT HOOT HOOT To all of my owlie fans who never given up supporting me and my mustard. HOOT!

P.S.

Oh ya, here's that lame report from the news. My Lawyer says its better to show their shameful attempt to bury the OWL IS NIGHT Mustard brand. HOOT!

[Alice Knight]

After the story broke world wide news reports of OWL is NIGHT MUSTARD being toxic and 'allegedly' the cause of illness to thousands and the death of a few children in Canada. Alice Knight and her attorney Garry M Brimley came to the OWL IS NIGHT Mustard factory (Not to be mixed up with the Mustard Factory stable from GCWA) located in San Diego, California to a check on the mustard plant for a check up on health, production and of course the non-existing toxics allegedly in the mustard. Alice and her lawyer Garry M Brimley played a few songs before bringing in the news reporters into the factory. What a doll and sweet heart Alice Knight is. She sang a rendition the Cheers theme that was out of this world.

Photo taken outside the Mustard Plant Factory in Sand Diego, California August 2022

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Miss Alice Knight herself even put together a blindfolded taste test for a few lucky kids to show the delecious and safe the mustard is for everyone to ingest into their stomachs.


We see a shot of Alice Knight in a white room with a few kids blind folded.


Alice: Hey gang. To show how yummy our mustard is compared to the other yucky mustard brands. I brought a few of my PALS here to taste it all and tell the world how safe and YUMMY it is! Right kids!


Kids: YAAAAAA!


Alice: I would like you all to meet Timmy. Joey. Madison. And Ruffles? HA! DID I JUST SAY RUFFLES? A DOG!!

The kids laugh as they take a peek from their masks to see a Jack Russell dog with his own blind fold. Even Alice can't help but giggle at the cuteness.


Alice: Whaaaa? Can crazy doggies eat OWL IS NIGHT MUSTARD? Ha! of course they can! It's edible for all humans and ANIMALS. Doggies can't help but love our CHUNKY mustard! How about you kids? EAT UP! GANG! Dip them hotdogs and hamburgers into the OWL IS NIGHT MUSTARD AND ENJOY! Hehehe


SUCCESS! After 30 minutes of mustard testing on the children. Not one child chocked on the chunky mustard, Complained about pains in their belly. Or died. Even Ruffles ate all the leftovers! If he gets a tummy ache its likely due to too much FOOD! HA! The kids were given some OWLIE THE OWL stuffed animals. Free HOOT t-shirts. And OWL IS NIGHT mustard packets. Even tickets to an upcoming OCW Massacre show in the near future. The kids were so excited they gave Alice Knight herself a huge hug.

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Alice speaking into the camera, whipping a tear from her eye.


Alice: It's for the kids why i do this. Why I wrestle. Why i sell adorable merchandise for my fans. My little owls. I love these kids. They are my heart and soul. It's why i live sometimes. The hateful and nasty rumors that spread online on the social media turns my stomach and my smile upside down. I would never hurt these kids with poisoned mustard. People can be nasty... horrible things they say.

Photo taken outside the Mustard Plant Factory in Sand Diego, California August 2022

When asked about the Canada OWL IS NIGHT Mustard country wide ban controversy that started all these allegations against her company and Mustard. She laughed and muttered the words 'Fake ass country' and gestured at her attorney Garry M Brimley who told reporters. "Any Questions about The Canada Controversy on OWL IS NIGHT Mustard will go through me." They both thanked everyone before going into the OWL IS NIGHT MUSTARD Factory. Some bad news can sometimes turn into good news after all.



HOOT

[Deleted]

Alice with the old man font size... goddamn.

[Alice Knight]

H O O T

[roach]

Almost as bad as the diff colour ketchup phase.

[Bob Grenier]

Owl is Night Mustard gave me chlamydia.

[zybala]

Wait a minute... is Canada fake like Australia?