Post by Plethora the Perilous on May 14, 2022 21:28:55 GMT -5
The screen does its usual flash from darkness to a moment of static to the image of a conference room table. Text is displayed that reads THURSDAY, NEW YORK TIMES OFFICES. The door to the conference room swings open and the three men from the previous Bifford promos from the New York Times walk in. First to be seated is Javier Carlisle, in a blue suit as always, he was the reporter that Cocco Ricci’s son Riccardo Ricci spoke to and told about Bifford’s nefarious actions dating back to the murder of his father. It was Javier Carlisle that Riccardo Ricci reached out to after he was poisoned by Martha Stewart. Next to be seated is Rob Loyola, the boss of the group, his face grim with concern. Finally last to sit down is Vincent Sotomayor, dressed a bit flashier than the other two, he is a fact checker for the Times. The three men keep looking down at papers and then up at one another, they all seem at a loss for words.
Vincent: What the hell do we do with this?
Rob: We don’t really have anything other than speculation..
Javier: Are you insane?
Vincent: Speculation?
Rob: They could be just coincidences..
Javier: So Riccardo is just a crazy conspiracy theorist who reaches out to me involving cannibalism and murder, he immediately dies, we then begin investigating his claims and an entire lab of scientists is murdered.. and some of them are eaten.
Rob: They just said flesh was missing.. they didn’t prove that it was eaten.
Javier: There were.. seasonings. With the corpses.
Vincent: Oh sweet Jesus..
The three men just look at each other. They all seem very uneasy.
Rob: Let me play devil’s advocate for a second here.. let’s say this guy does always get away with murder and likes to make chicken sandwiches out of his enemies.. do we really want to keep going down this road? Do we want to be like that lab of scientists?
Vincent: I don’t want to be found with.. seasonings.
Javier: So we just let them kill people and turn them into chicken sandwiches?
Vincent: Didn’t even Riccardo say they use legit chicken now?
Javier: Yeah, Bifford doesn’t own the place anymore.. though I’ve heard rumors on the internet that there’s some sort of Bifford fast food restaurant opening in Africa..
Rob: I hate to say it, but I think we should just move on with our lives and forget this..
Vincent: This is because you like OCW, isn’t it?
Rob: No..
Vincent: You like the current OCW Champion, don’t you!?
Rob: Well it’s a really cool robe..
Javier: HE’S A MURDERER! A serial killer!
Rob: We need more to go on than this..
Javier: I will find more.. I will see this murderer brought to justice. I owe it to Riccardo Ricci.. you know they never found his father Cocco Ricci’s body..
Rob: Well his skeletal remains are.. err..
Javier: What?
Rob: Nevermind..
The screen flashes to darkness and then a moment of static before focusing in on the water. Text is displayed that reads FRIDAY NIGHT, DJIBOUTI. The camera pans out over the Gulf of Tadjoura as waves crash into the land. The Big Bifford is standing there in the darkness of the night. He lights up a cigarette like an old movie actor and looks at the camera with a smirk on his face.
Bifford: Duce Jones.. when on earth will you learn your lesson? I’ve pinned you every time we’ve met. 1, 2, 3.. Three times. You were advised the last time we met that “maybe it’s time to stay away from Bifford for a while,” yet here we find ourselves in the future and you still haven’t learned. The problem is that you’re not the same Duce Jones you once were.. you’re probably smarter, your body is probably healed up, you’re probably in pretty good shape.. you might have stood a chance against me in 2022.
Bifford takes a long hit of his cigarette. A seagull in the distance is having a panic attack over something to the point that Bifford have turns toward the commotion for a second before looking back at the camera.
Bifford: The problem Duce is that you’re not fighting me Monday. You’re fighting Plethora the Perilous and the peril implied in his name really exists. There’s something about that robe that takes all of my jokes and GIFs and gags and makes them a lot less funny. When I put on the robe, I’m not Bifford anymore.. Sure, Bifford was a World Champion before.. but Plethora is going to keep his belt. Plethora will reign until the Silverfreak comes back. And on Monday, Duce.. You’ll understand why he’s called The Perilous. Years ago I ended your father’s career, Duce.. now Monday, Plethora ends yours. The same piledriver that ruined your father will end you, Duce and I don’t think I’ll lose a minute of sleep after it’s done.
Throwing his cigarette on the ground, Bifford steps on it and looks at the camera. Fog rises from the ground around Bifford, creating an ominous atmosphere. From within that fog several men emerge. They are mariachis, but they look very serious. As the begin to play and Bifford begins to dance and rap, the fog clears and suddenly the atmosphere is very lively.
Bifford: Star light, star bright
First star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have this wish I wish tonight.
Duce Jones, Duce Jones,
You write bad checks, give bad loans,
I’ll give you this, you’ve got stones
For fighting me - I’ll break your bones.
Now I leave you with this wish,
Duce Jones as a chicken sandwich on a dish,
Or would he be better a kebab of shish?
You are the trash, Mike Best is the Fish.
I’ll be Champion from now til the end,
Duce I’ll pin you every week, my friend,
Your spine I’ll break, your neck I’ll bend,
Until Duce to the depths of hell I send.
Bifford stops dancing and the fog returns. The mariachi band seems to disappear into the fog and Bifford looks serious again. Turning away from the water, Bifford walks up to a park bench where the ominous robe of Plethora the Perilous sits. With a smooth movement, he picks up the robe and it covers him, the man disappearing.. the Champion returning.. as the scene fades to darkness.
SATURDAY MORNING, OUTSKIRTS OF MADGOUL, DJIBOUTI
On a hill in the country side, Earl the Popcorn Salesman and Kenny the Intern stand at the side of the road, their faces show their frustration. Their car is parked there, but it is unclear whether they parked it or if its broke down there.
Earl: This is where she told us to meet her, right?
Kenny: We don’t even know if she’s real.
Earl: If we both see her, she’s real.
Kenny: What if we are just both losing our minds because we work for a dangerous sociopath serial killer?
Earl: And we are both having visions of the same woman whom he has visions of? In what world does that make sense?
A few hundred feet in the distance, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (whom we are not really clear exists or not) walks out of a clearing at the side of the road and signals for them to follow her. The two men walk beside the rocky terrain and follow the vision or person they saw. In a clearing is a huge group of people who don’t seem to know they’re being watched.. They’ve set up tents and a small shanty village there. A few small camp fires are burning between the makeshift homes.
Earl (whispering): Who are these people?
Buffy: These are Ethiopian refugees who are hiding here. The government of Djibouti have no idea that this place exists - nobody does, or these people would be rounded up and deported.
Kenny: So we’re going to.. try to help them and get them some medical care?
Buffy (rolling her eyes): Do we look like churchy missionaries Kenny? We are killers. This is a massive group of people all in a small clearing that nobody knows about. If they all go missing, it will stock our samosas restaurant for about a year and nobody will have any idea.
Kenny: I can’t do this anymore..
Buffy (growling): You can and you will or Boris will deal with you.
Kenny: Boris is in America on special assignment..
Buffy: The lab has been dead for a few weeks now and the newspaper is too afraid to run the story on Bifford.. Boris is here. Boris will kill and eat you, Kenny.. so.. I wouldn’t get too brave now.
Earl and Kenny exchange a nervous glance.
The back of a large 18 wheeler truck is suddenly visible, backing up toward the Ethiopian refugee shanty village. A lot of the Ethiopians notice and begin walking in that direction.
Earl: What’s that?
Buffy: You’ll see..
The back of the truck opens and Boris the Cannibal steps out. He has a large plate of samosas and a big smile on his face. He walks out toward the gathering Ethiopian crowd and begins handing out samosas and motioning for the Ethiopians to get on the truck.
Kenny: This is wrong.. he’s feeding them and they’re willingly getting into his truck..
Buffy: We have a business to run, Kenny..
Kenny: We could just use actual chicken.
Buffy: Nobody wants to eat your horrible chicken, Kenny.. they want Bifford’s Samosas of Chicken. Go ahead and leave if you want, but Boris will find you by nightfall.. and I’m sure he will make you into extra special samosas just for himself.
Kenny and Earl share another uncomfortable look as Buffy threatens Kenny with a straight face.
Earl: So can I ask a weird question.. do you actually exist?
Buffy: Do you?
Earl: I mean. Wait. What?
As hundreds of Ethiopians load themselves willingly into the truck, Buffy pushes forward into the encampment. Kenny and Earl stay back a moment and share an uncomfortable look. Neither man can say anything, for they both face the same terrifying fate if they walk away. Neither man can comfortably step forward, yet fear prevents both men from taking a step back. Together, they walk forward, following Buffy into the encampment.
1994, THE MIDWEST
15 year old Bifford is walking down the hallway at his high school. All of the usual noises and activities of a high school hallway are happening and it appears to be spring by the sunshine and the flirting going on with couples every few feet. Young Theodore Bryan Benson (Bifford) looks slightly awkward but has a confident walk, his eyes just appear unsure.. The rest of him has gained confidence, but the eyes still show the unwillingness to give in to the monster he would become. The sound of the hallway, the lockers, the chit-chat, all fade to silence and in Bifford’s mind is only a voice. The voice of Buffy the Vampire Hunter from Bifford’s last promo. “The girl. Kate, she has to die.” It repeats again and again as Bifford’s young eyes, slightly blue but mostly gray, look very unsure. In the distance one can see the beautiful blonde girl from previous Bifford promos - she has her back to the world and is in her locker, gathering her belongings. Dark and menacing music swells as the voice continues to repeat itself: “The girl. Kate, she has to die.”
The voices all fade and the sound of the hallway returns as Kate turns and sees Bifford. She smiles brightly.
Kate (horrible voice): Theodore! How are you?
Theodore: How would you like to go on a picnic?
Kate: A picnic! How thoughtful and romantic!
The girl smiles with joy as silence comes over the hallway again.. in fact, Kate seems to be frozen in place. Bifford looks behind her into the locker where he sees the face of Buffy the Vampire Slayer in the darkness and shadows. “The girl. Kate, she has to die.”
Darkness.