Post by Outcast on Apr 22, 2022 11:46:36 GMT -5
I plunge my makeshift into the fat belly of the hog. It takes a bit of sawing, but I'm able to slice the thick skin open to expose the guts. I pull out the intestine, and as I grip the heart of the plump beast I get the tingling sensation up my spine that I'm being watched. I slowly look over my shoulder and my suspicions are confirmed as I find myself staring down the tips of several spears from a group of Natives.
It is quite clear they are not happy I am here, and even more displeased that I have slaughtered this hog.
"I PATUA E KOE TO TATOU MARANGI!!!"
Uh, what?
"NA KOE I PATUA!"
I have no idea what they are saying or what language it is, but their tone and body language is all I really need to understand. I nod my head slowly, but then act quickly. I pull the heart from the chest cavity and throw it into the middle of their group. They all dive for it, not wanting to let it touch the ground, and this is the perfect distraction for my get away.
I sprint for the treeline, ducking as ill-crafted spears and arrows fly around me. I try to disappear into the thick jungle, but this is their home and they know it like the back of their hand. I hear their calls and shouts behind me, and a spear flies over my shoulder, knocking my ear lobe. I turn back to look at them as I'm running, and don't see the cliff as I step through the massive banana leaves. I flip over the edge and fall into the lagoon below.
Upon impact, everything goes dark. While my body is asleep, my mind is awake.
I was going to use the hog to prepare a feast for all the members of OCW who are stuck on this God forsaken island, even Zybalda and Zybala, and I hate both of them. But, that is what you do as champion, you sit the table and feed everyone else. What? You think people really drop their money on OCW pay-per-views to watch The Danger Boiz and the Draivers Twins?
F**k no.
OCW is a trickle-down economy. The fans sit through the Zybala's and the Brim's to watch me. It's the way it is, they come to see the Champion, the God of OCW. At least, that's how it is now, but decades ago it was different when the rest of OCW was forced to hold up the Champion, back when the championship was over the shoulder of Biff. Believe me, holding up the weight of someone like Biff is a hard f**king task.
People like TLS, Goldie, and myself were spilling buckets of blood in the undercard. People like Titan 3, Andy Murray, and Josh Allen were putting on epic matches. And Biff, well he was playing hide the sausage with Martha Stewart. But, is anyone really surprised Bifford was lazy and selfish? Not much has changed, Biff is still selfish and lazy. At Luck of the Violent Biff put his OCW title shot on the line, but only against people he knew wouldn't show up, and if they did would be well past their prime. Then he attacks me in my moment, trying to take me out. You took your shot Biff, and you missed, now you are about to encounter the ricochet.
I'm coming for your head, and if you haven't noticed, I don't f**king miss. I slaughtered the fattest hog on the island, and at Technical Difficulties I will slaughter the fattest hog in OCW. Both for the same reason, to feed everyone in OCW. You suck up all the air in the room, and cast a large shadow Biff, both figuratively and literally. I've worked to hard and come too d@mn far to live in your, or anyone else's shadow.
Your time was two decades ago, now it is my time. What can I say, I'm a bit of a late bloomer, but I'm not the same mentally weak kid you openly mocked twenty years ago. Now I may not move foam trees for the marks to throw at me, but I put a$s in the seats and eyeballs on the screen. It's not because of some cartoonish characters and outlandish adventures, it's because I'm the best in the f**king sport. Go ahead and doubt it, question it, and mock it, because at Technical Difficulties you will find out first hand that I am indeed, not just the king of OCW, but the God of OCW.
And you Biff, you have upset the Lord. Now you must pay the consequences and fill my wrath. For as it is written to everyone in OCW, dearly hated, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath. For it has been declared, by me the master of pain, your Champion, the God of fire, the Lord of OCW…
VENGEANCE IS MINE!!!
My eyes begin to flutter open as a ray of sun cracks through the jungle canopy and onto my face. I see a butterfly floating through the ray of sun, and it is honestly beautiful. I watch it for a moment, and feel at peace as a slight smile emerges. The smile is quickly wiped off though as the butt of a spear is slammed into my jaw.
Snapped back to reality, I find myself tied to a tree, the prisoner of the natives.
"TE ARA OIA!", shouts the one who had just smashed my jaw, before he runs to a larger group.
As he joins them I notice one native who stands out among them all. His face is covered with a white paint, his thick hair adorned with a collage of bright feathers. I hear them chattering in their native tongue, I've got no idea what they are saying, but it can't be anything good for me.
My suspicions are proven correct as several of their warriors are soon grabbing me, untying me from the tree and dragging me with my hands tied toward the man I'm assuming is their chief. I am shoved to my feet at his knees, and as I look up at him he addresses me.
I whakaiti koe i to matou mesia. Inaianei me patu koe ki te whakahoki i tona honore me te whakakororia i te mesia waewae e rua.
What the f**k are you saying?
He didn't understand my words, but he understood my tone. Thus, he responded as a man in power when publicly humiliated, and he slapped the taste out of my mouth. I'm not talking some Will Smith, b*tch level slap, but a Rick James "what did the five fingers say to the face" level b*tch slap.
Ah, there it is. That familiar metallic taste in my mouth. Something about it alway sets my mind right for battle.
I spit out the mouth full of blood, and as I look up I see it. Behind the Chief, a shrine built to Biff, or as they know him, Plethora. A replica of his robe made from vines and leaves, and adorned with flowers. A replica of the scythe carved from wood and the blade fashioned from stone. And in the middle of it ha, hanging right about the hog's heart, and autographed 8x10 of Plethora.
That is when it hits me, the reason they have been worshipping Biff. Why they were so easily manipulated by them, and held under his spell. They believe Biff is their Hog deity in human form. He matches all characteristics, fat, sloppy, mangled teeth, unkempt hair, and soon to be slaughtered. It is all too much for me to contain my laughter.
BAA!!! HAHAHAHA!!!
They didn't find this funny at all. I know because my laughter was met with a swift kick to the chest. The kick knocked me to my back, but as all my past opponents know, I don't stay on my back long. It's a good thing too, because as I look up I see the Chief has a knife made from stone and is coming for me.
As the literal feathered haired Chief swings the knife I am able to move, and replace my head with the ropes that bind my hands in the blade's path. As my hands are freed I roll forward, and in a feet even I am surprised I can accomplish at this age, with one smooth motion I pop to my feet and grab the scythe.
I spin around with the stone aged replica, and find it just as effective as the modern version. The stone blade easily separates the Chiefs head from his shoulders, sending it rolling towards his tribe like James Early Jones's head at the end of "Conan The Barbarian", but with feathers and blood flying everywhere. I stand ready to go down fighting, but the tribe goes silent with shock.
Their eyes move from the severed head to me. Still in silence, and still wearing a mask of shock. I don't want to wait, whatever fate awaits me I'm ready for it to come.
WELL COME ON MOTHERF**KERS!!!
Here we stand
To my surprise they all drop to their knees and bow down. They all begin worshiping at my feet. All repeating the same phrase, "Ko ia te Atua o te ahi".
An evil grin crawls across my face. As I think to myself, "it's good to be the champion. It's good to be the king. It's good to be the God of OCW".
I turn and plunge the stone blade into the 8x10 of Biff. I hear the gasps of the crowd as the blade pierces the photo of their former Messiah As I turn the natives again wear a mask of shock as they look at me from their knees. I grab the hogs heart from the mantel in front of the photo. I sink my teeth into it, biting a chunk out of it. I lift the heart above my head and the natives roar with cheers as the blood from the heart runs down my evil smile.
It is quite clear they are not happy I am here, and even more displeased that I have slaughtered this hog.
"I PATUA E KOE TO TATOU MARANGI!!!"
Uh, what?
"NA KOE I PATUA!"
I have no idea what they are saying or what language it is, but their tone and body language is all I really need to understand. I nod my head slowly, but then act quickly. I pull the heart from the chest cavity and throw it into the middle of their group. They all dive for it, not wanting to let it touch the ground, and this is the perfect distraction for my get away.
I sprint for the treeline, ducking as ill-crafted spears and arrows fly around me. I try to disappear into the thick jungle, but this is their home and they know it like the back of their hand. I hear their calls and shouts behind me, and a spear flies over my shoulder, knocking my ear lobe. I turn back to look at them as I'm running, and don't see the cliff as I step through the massive banana leaves. I flip over the edge and fall into the lagoon below.
Upon impact, everything goes dark. While my body is asleep, my mind is awake.
I was going to use the hog to prepare a feast for all the members of OCW who are stuck on this God forsaken island, even Zybalda and Zybala, and I hate both of them. But, that is what you do as champion, you sit the table and feed everyone else. What? You think people really drop their money on OCW pay-per-views to watch The Danger Boiz and the Draivers Twins?
F**k no.
OCW is a trickle-down economy. The fans sit through the Zybala's and the Brim's to watch me. It's the way it is, they come to see the Champion, the God of OCW. At least, that's how it is now, but decades ago it was different when the rest of OCW was forced to hold up the Champion, back when the championship was over the shoulder of Biff. Believe me, holding up the weight of someone like Biff is a hard f**king task.
People like TLS, Goldie, and myself were spilling buckets of blood in the undercard. People like Titan 3, Andy Murray, and Josh Allen were putting on epic matches. And Biff, well he was playing hide the sausage with Martha Stewart. But, is anyone really surprised Bifford was lazy and selfish? Not much has changed, Biff is still selfish and lazy. At Luck of the Violent Biff put his OCW title shot on the line, but only against people he knew wouldn't show up, and if they did would be well past their prime. Then he attacks me in my moment, trying to take me out. You took your shot Biff, and you missed, now you are about to encounter the ricochet.
I'm coming for your head, and if you haven't noticed, I don't f**king miss. I slaughtered the fattest hog on the island, and at Technical Difficulties I will slaughter the fattest hog in OCW. Both for the same reason, to feed everyone in OCW. You suck up all the air in the room, and cast a large shadow Biff, both figuratively and literally. I've worked to hard and come too d@mn far to live in your, or anyone else's shadow.
Your time was two decades ago, now it is my time. What can I say, I'm a bit of a late bloomer, but I'm not the same mentally weak kid you openly mocked twenty years ago. Now I may not move foam trees for the marks to throw at me, but I put a$s in the seats and eyeballs on the screen. It's not because of some cartoonish characters and outlandish adventures, it's because I'm the best in the f**king sport. Go ahead and doubt it, question it, and mock it, because at Technical Difficulties you will find out first hand that I am indeed, not just the king of OCW, but the God of OCW.
And you Biff, you have upset the Lord. Now you must pay the consequences and fill my wrath. For as it is written to everyone in OCW, dearly hated, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath. For it has been declared, by me the master of pain, your Champion, the God of fire, the Lord of OCW…
VENGEANCE IS MINE!!!
My eyes begin to flutter open as a ray of sun cracks through the jungle canopy and onto my face. I see a butterfly floating through the ray of sun, and it is honestly beautiful. I watch it for a moment, and feel at peace as a slight smile emerges. The smile is quickly wiped off though as the butt of a spear is slammed into my jaw.
Snapped back to reality, I find myself tied to a tree, the prisoner of the natives.
"TE ARA OIA!", shouts the one who had just smashed my jaw, before he runs to a larger group.
As he joins them I notice one native who stands out among them all. His face is covered with a white paint, his thick hair adorned with a collage of bright feathers. I hear them chattering in their native tongue, I've got no idea what they are saying, but it can't be anything good for me.
My suspicions are proven correct as several of their warriors are soon grabbing me, untying me from the tree and dragging me with my hands tied toward the man I'm assuming is their chief. I am shoved to my feet at his knees, and as I look up at him he addresses me.
I whakaiti koe i to matou mesia. Inaianei me patu koe ki te whakahoki i tona honore me te whakakororia i te mesia waewae e rua.
What the f**k are you saying?
He didn't understand my words, but he understood my tone. Thus, he responded as a man in power when publicly humiliated, and he slapped the taste out of my mouth. I'm not talking some Will Smith, b*tch level slap, but a Rick James "what did the five fingers say to the face" level b*tch slap.
Ah, there it is. That familiar metallic taste in my mouth. Something about it alway sets my mind right for battle.
I spit out the mouth full of blood, and as I look up I see it. Behind the Chief, a shrine built to Biff, or as they know him, Plethora. A replica of his robe made from vines and leaves, and adorned with flowers. A replica of the scythe carved from wood and the blade fashioned from stone. And in the middle of it ha, hanging right about the hog's heart, and autographed 8x10 of Plethora.
That is when it hits me, the reason they have been worshipping Biff. Why they were so easily manipulated by them, and held under his spell. They believe Biff is their Hog deity in human form. He matches all characteristics, fat, sloppy, mangled teeth, unkempt hair, and soon to be slaughtered. It is all too much for me to contain my laughter.
BAA!!! HAHAHAHA!!!
They didn't find this funny at all. I know because my laughter was met with a swift kick to the chest. The kick knocked me to my back, but as all my past opponents know, I don't stay on my back long. It's a good thing too, because as I look up I see the Chief has a knife made from stone and is coming for me.
As the literal feathered haired Chief swings the knife I am able to move, and replace my head with the ropes that bind my hands in the blade's path. As my hands are freed I roll forward, and in a feet even I am surprised I can accomplish at this age, with one smooth motion I pop to my feet and grab the scythe.
I spin around with the stone aged replica, and find it just as effective as the modern version. The stone blade easily separates the Chiefs head from his shoulders, sending it rolling towards his tribe like James Early Jones's head at the end of "Conan The Barbarian", but with feathers and blood flying everywhere. I stand ready to go down fighting, but the tribe goes silent with shock.
Their eyes move from the severed head to me. Still in silence, and still wearing a mask of shock. I don't want to wait, whatever fate awaits me I'm ready for it to come.
WELL COME ON MOTHERF**KERS!!!
Here we stand
To turn and face the odds
Sacrifice yourself
Or bow to lesser gods
To my surprise they all drop to their knees and bow down. They all begin worshiping at my feet. All repeating the same phrase, "Ko ia te Atua o te ahi".
An evil grin crawls across my face. As I think to myself, "it's good to be the champion. It's good to be the king. It's good to be the God of OCW".
I turn and plunge the stone blade into the 8x10 of Biff. I hear the gasps of the crowd as the blade pierces the photo of their former Messiah As I turn the natives again wear a mask of shock as they look at me from their knees. I grab the hogs heart from the mantel in front of the photo. I sink my teeth into it, biting a chunk out of it. I lift the heart above my head and the natives roar with cheers as the blood from the heart runs down my evil smile.