DYSTOPIA 23!!!!!

[zybala]

~ Welcome back to The Yard, my friends! You know you missed us. It's been so long since the last show. We won't keep you waiting long. As always, the weather is beautiful for there is never a bad day in Florida when Outsiders is scheduled to happen. The Yardies are already in full swing! They have packed the seats and seem to already be a little drunk. That's what we get for having those free communal coolers full of beer. The only thing we ask is people contribute in correspondence with the BYOB laws. The Eastern European and Emilio are back at their usual positions at the grills. The port-o-potties have been cleaned and sanitized. We even see Curt Canon at a table next to the grills, happily eating food and signing autographs. There are several empty beer cans in front of the table on the grass.

The Mariachi Band is rocking a mariachi version of "Sesame Street Love Song" by The Neverland Rancheros. The fans are digging the beat. A new refrigerator box/announcer table is standing proudly. Behind the "table" is the original Outsider Dean. But he's not joined by Zybala. Instead, Marcus Welsh is filling in for the kidnapped Mike Zybala. Dean looks like he's enjoying every minute of Welsh's obvious uncomfortable demeanor. ~


Dean: Welcome back suckas to another episode of Dystopia! I'm Dean, but I'm not joined by my buddy Mikey Z. Instead, I'm here with the new owner of the other OCW, Marcus Welsh!

Random Fan: WHITE DEAN!


~ The crowd laughs as Welsh continues to look more uncomfortable. ~


Welsh: Well, I promised a kidnapped Mike that I would cover for him. He looked so beaten up that I couldn't say no.

Dean: Hopefully, DadBod can beat that sucka Grenier and get our dude back.

Welsh: One can only hope. But in the spirit of Zybala, we must fight on. From what my paper reads, we have a somewhat decent card tonight?

Dean: Damn right we do! Plus we have OCW Hall of Famer Curt Canon hanging with the fans, taking pictures and signing autographs.

Welsh: I know how I got roped into this, but how did you rope in Curt?

Dean: See those beer cans?

Welsh: Yeah..

Dean: There's your answer. But enough about Curt. Tonight we got newcomer Gilbert taking on the sweetheart of Outsiders, Whisper Mendoza. Also we got the freaky furry Foxy Roxie going against Roxxie G.

Welsh: I see we also got The Lord of Dashing Lord Allton facing that nerd Soot Losem… And then.. Ooooo! A special feature match? Who do you… how the fuck did you guys manage to get Plethora and Dangerous Dan!?!?

Dean: I got pull, baby!! Enough yakking! Yo. Belvedere!! Let's start this thing!

Welsh: You have Belvedere too?!?!


~ As it becomes obvious that Welsh has never watched an Outsiders, we cut over to the ring. Standing there in the ring is Belvedere alongside referee Mitch. Belvedere raises the microphone and let's get it started! ~


Belvedere: Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to another Dystopia! The following match is your opening match of the evening and It's scheduled for….. one fall!

Yardies: ONE FALL!!

Belvedere: Introducing first...


~ "Roxy Roller" by Nick Gilder plays over the speakers and out walks a person in a full Fox furry costume in a bikini! Some people cheer, some boo, but most are confused about what they are seeing. But they don't judge. We don't judge in The Yard. The fans cheer as Roxxie G also walks into The Yard. Roxy and Roxxie stare at each other in confusion. ~


Welsh: What the hell is going on? I thought they were fighting tonight, not tagging.

Dean: Well, both ladies use the same theme song and Belvedere never announced which one was coming first. They heard the music and both musta thought it was them.

Welsh: Makes sense. But why is there a Furry?

Dean: Cuz we don't judge. Besides, didn't you suckas hire Muffles the Bunny?

Welsh: Touché..


~ Both ladies make their way to the ring, entering the squared circle on separate sides. The music stops as Belvedere leaves the ring. Mitch sparks up a blunt and calls for the bell, strating the match. We can hear Welsh scoff at the "unprofessionalism." The ladies of the same name are about to lock up when suddenly, a loud roar can be heard from outside of the yard!! Welsh looks confused as Dean starts swearing. The Yardies cheer as the wooden fence behind the bleachers explodes into splinters as The Squashness Monster menacingly stomps into the yard. Welsh tenses in his seat. ~


Welsh: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?!?!

Dean: (sighs)Its the Squashness Monster.


~ The fans laugh and cheer as the creature continues to menacingly stomps towards the ring. Roxxie G looks confused at the monster, but Foxy Roxie leaves the ring. Mitch starts a ten count.. She strides right up to Squashness. The monster stops in its tracks and looks down at the lady in the Furry fox head and bikini. Foxy looks the big monster up and down, reaches up and puts her arms around Squashness's neck. She then jumps up into the creature's arms. The Squashness Monster then turns around and carries Foxy out of The Yard. Mitch shouts out "Nine!" waits a second before shouting "10!!" and signals for the bell! Roxxie G looks confused as Mitch raises her arm up. ~


Belvedere: Here is your winner by way of countout, ROXXIE G!!


~ Mitch lets go of Roxxie's arm as "Roxie Roller" She leaves the ring and makes her way back to the house, most likely wondering why she agreed to this. Is this worth the twenty bucks? To the faithful it is. They cheer for Roxxie and they cheer for love possibly budding. But let's keep going. Belvedere gets back in the ring and maybe we'll get a match with some action. ~


Belvedere: The following match is scheduled for one fall!

Yardies: ONE FALL!!

Belvedere: Introducing first… She is the "Underdog Sweetheart"... she is Whisper!!!


~ "Bette Davis Eyes" starts playing as Equality star Whisper Mendoza walks out to the ramp to a roaring ovation from the crowd. Whisper smiles and waves to the crowd. She then makes her way to the ring as the fans sing the 80s hit while reaching out for high fives. Whisper obliges a few fans before she rolls into the ring to wait for her opponent. ~


Welsh: "Underdog Sweetheart?"

Dean: Hell yeah, sucka! She earned all our respect after her performance at Access Denied. MANY people think she should have won the whole thing.

Welsh: Why? How did this happen? She was supposed to be just a background character.

Dean: The Yardies love who they love. We make your schlubs into superstars, sucka!

Welsh: (pinches the bridge of his nose) You're doing this for Mike. You're doing this for Mike.


Belvedere: And her opponent, hailing from "The Owl's Love Nest" (shudders involuntarily) he is… Gilbert!!


~ Belvedere exits the ring as "Sexy Boy" hits the speakers. The fans give a polite ovation to Gilbert as he enters The Yard. He has the O.O.C. Title over his shoulder, struggling with the weight. He looks nervous as he enters the ring and looks at Whisper. He walks over to Mitch and starts talking about something. The music stops and we can hear Gilbert saying he doesn't want to take part in this match because Alice might see it as cheating… even though they aren't a couple. Mitch tells him he still has to fight. Whisper hears this and walks over to give Gilbert a piece of her mind. She turns Gilbert to face her and he is so startled, he drops the title! It falls edge first right on Whisper's foot causing her to cry out in pain, hopping on her good foot. Mitch starts the match as Gilbert tries to help Whisper while apologizing. While this happens, someone runs across the lawn and slides in the ring! They grab the O.O.C. belt and smacks Gilbert from behind! This causes Gilbert to smack heads with Whisper and tumble to the mat on top of her! As the two fall, we can all see C.J. O'Donnell!!! Mitch sees Gilbert on top of Whisper and drops to get in position. ~


Mitch: One…..Two…..THREE


Welsh: What the hell is he doing here? Don't tell me that he's defecting to Outsiders!?!

Dean: Nah, his pay rate would bankrupt us like 15 times over.


~ Mitch calls for the bell as C.J. kicks Gilbert onto his back. O'Donnell holds the O.O.C. title up in the air as he puts his foot on Gilbert's chest. He looks down at Gilbert, yelling that he's a dead man.. Mitch, still in position, counts to three as The Yardies cheer and boo. ~


Belvedere: Here is your first winner…GILBERT!! Here is the second winner and your new O.O.C. champion…C.J. O'DONNELL!!!


~ O'Donnell looks smug for a second before he realizes what he has actually done. He stares at the belt with disinterest. ~


O'Donnell: FOOK!! I didn't want this thing. Ummm…. (Looks around for a bit) Fook. Here's your new champion.


~ O'Donnell places the belt on Whisper Mendoza. He then gives Gilbert a kick to the side before rolling out of The ring. He grabs a beer from the cooler before walking past Welsh and Dean. He looks at Dean and asks if there's food in the fridge. Dean nods and C.J. enters the house to raid the fridge. After a few seconds, we hear him excitedly shout about leftover Corned Beef and Cabbage. ~


Welsh: Is… is this normal here?

Dean: All par for the course. This is actually a tame night so far..

Welsh: THIS is tame? Never again…

Dean: I'm sure this next match will cheer you up, sucka. It's our main event!

Welsh: But what about the special feature match?

Dean: That's after.

Welsh: Then shouldn't that be the main event?

Dean: No, that's this match.

Welsh: But Dan and Plethora are going on last.

Dean: And they ain't part of the roster. That's what makes it special.

Welsh: …..oh my head….



Belvedere: And it's your main event of the evening! Coming to the ring first, hailing from the Cinnabar Islands, weighing in tonight at 0.13 metric tons, he is Soot Losem!!


~ The speakers come alive with a power metal cord starting to play. "Gotta Catch Em All" by PowerGlove hits the speakers as The Yardies boo. Soot walks out and the boos get louder. The fans' indifference towards him have turned to dislike. Some fans even mock his fanny pack, calling him a Tony the Spider ripoff. He hops up on the apron, slips through the ropes and into the ring. The music stops and Belvedere continues. ~


Belvedere: And his opponent… hailing from The Midlands of England…. Weighing in at 11 stones… he is your Outsiders Championship Wrestling World Champion… this is LOOOOORD ALLLLTOOON!!!!


~ The Yard goes wild as The Who's "Real Good Looking Boy" hits the speakers and Lord Allton walks out of the house. He is supported by his leg braces and holding the world title above his head. He makes his way across the lawn and high-fives the Outsider faithful. He gets in the ring and walks over to Belvedere. He tells the announcer something and then motions for the music to stop. It does. ~


Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen. Lord Allton has just informed me that he is choosing to put the world title on the line. So this match will be for the Outsiders World Championship!!


~ The Yardies let out a huge cheer as Belvedere exits the ring. Allton hands Mitch the belt and he holds it high in the air before walking to the ropes and hands the belt to Belvedere. Mitch then signals for the bell and this match is underway!! ~


Dean: Hot damn! Welcome to Outsiders, Welsh. Your first time here and you get to call a world title match!

Welsh: I mean, I like Allton enough. And Soot was a henchman for me for like 4 minutes. So this might prove to be interesting…


~ Allton heads straight for Soot, who slides his upper body between the middle and top rope, looking for a reprieve. Mitch hustles over, trying to keep Allton away. The Lord of Dashing gently moves Mitch aside and unloads on Losem's ribcage with clubbing forearms! He falls to one knee, leaving the safety of the ropes. The Lord of Dashing drills his opponent in the back with forearms driving him to both knees. He continues his assault until Soot is lying face down on the mat. At this point, Allton stomps on Soot's back, shoulders and head until he quits moving. Mitch starts a 5 count and Allton backs up and starts pandering to the fans, which gets cheers. ~


Welsh: The champ is starting this match off in dominant fashion.

Dean: Damn right. That sucka can be vicious as hell when he wants to be.


~ Allton turns back to see Soot slowly trying to push himself up and grins wickedly. He tilts back his head and yells "BARRYSLAYER!!" much to the delight of The Yardies. He hops on Soot's back, locks in a sleeper and wraps his legs around Losem's waist! Both men land sideways on the mat as Soot desperately tries to reach the ropes, but they are too far. He has no choice but to tap out! He slaps the mat repeatedly while crying for Allton to let go. Mitch signals for the bell and only then does Allton release Losem. He gets up as Belvedere hands Mitch the world title, who then hands it to Allton. ~


Belvedere: Here is your winner, and still your world champion… LOOOOORD ALLLLTOOON!!!


~ Allton holds the title up high as the fans cheer him. He gets out of the ring and makes his way to the house as Mitch checks on Losem. ~


Dean: I remember when this sucka used to get booed every night.

Welsh: It seems that even the fans here can get behind true talent when they see it.

Dean: I'm cool with him as long as he leaves the clown makeup at home.

Welsh: He is unsettling when he becomes PennyLord.



INTERMISSION!!



~ Fans file back.into their seats. Bladders have been emptied and food has been bought. We see Welsh having a casual chat with The Eastern European. Dean is enjoying a loaded hot dog. Belvedere steps back into the ring and everyone starts to calm down. Welsh takes his place back at the announcer's "table" as Dean finishes the last bite of his hotdogs. ~


Welsh: Here we are fans! The last match of the night and then I can go home!

Dean: And what a match it will be. These two suckas have a long ass history between them. Belvedere, bring it!


Belvedere: The following match is a special feature match that is scheduled for one fall..

Yardies: ONE FALL!!!

Belvedere: Coming to the ring first… a man who is so great that he needs no introduction…he is Plethora!!!


~ "Room of Angel" by Akira Yamaoka begins playing as Plethora the Perilous walks out, accompanied by Earl the Popcorn Salesman, Kenny the Intern, and Boris the Cannibal. He slowly makes his way to the ring, his long cloak flowing in wind that is blowing gently through TheYard.~


Welsh: This is a big and scary stranger..

Dean: Man, we all know who that sucka is.

Welsh: You wanna tell him that.

Dean: I don't got a death wish. He may be my dawg, but he'll still slice me with that scythe.


~Plethora reaches the ring and steps inside, accompanied by his henchmen. Plethora walks to the side of the ring closest to the announcers and nods at Dean as Belvedere continues. ~


Belvedere: And his opponent…


~ Plethora whispers something to Kenny the Intern, who takes the microphone from Belvedere. The crowd boos and Belvedereis about to protest until he see the cold, grey eyes of Plethora from under the cloak. Belvedere then eyes the scythe and notes the fuck out of the ring. ~


Kenny: The great and mighth Plethora the Perilous demands that Dangerous Dan gets no introduction and just comes to the ring to face his destruction.


~ Plethora looks towards the house, waiting for Dan. And waits… and waits. Minutes pass and Dan doesn't emerge. You can see Kenny getting nervous as Plethora's massive hand tightens around the scythe. ~


Welsh: This doesn't look good. You sure Dangerous Dan agreed to this?

Dean: That ain't Outsiders style, sucka. We book people without asking and if they show, they show. If not, oh well. Whoever does gets a free win.

Welsh: Are you insane?! You promised Plethora he could face Dan and then you don't deliver?!? He's gonna murder all of us. I'm out of here!!


~ Welsh takes off running as Plethora continues to emanate angry and displeasure. People can almost see it coming from him like an aura. Plethora finally loses his patience and leaves the ring. He raises the Mighty Scythe as if he's going to start attacking fans!! People shriek and duck for cover as Plethora makes a sweeping arc, narrowly missing The Yardies in the front row. Dean runs in the house and quickly comes back out with a shoe box. He runs over to Plethora, who has the scythe raised again. The sight of Dean and the box gives him pause. He lowers the scythe and stares at Kenny until he walks over. Plethora makes Kenny open the box, which he does. Kenny pulls out a pair of shoes. Plethora stares at Dean. ~


Dean; Their Zybala's. Once, they were promised to Bifford during contract negotiations. They're yours if you don't kill anyone.


~ Plethoraxs eyes widen a bit. This seems to appeases Plethora, who takes the shoes from Kenny. He ties the shoelaces together and flings the shoes around his neck like some sort of fleece. Plethora then leaves The Yard with his entourage following him. The Yardies look horrified and relieved at the same time as we sign off from yet another Dystopia. Goodnight everybody! ~