Post by Vargas on Apr 5, 2014 18:12:22 GMT -5
(The scene opens high in the foothills of Nashville, Tennessee – home of wresting’s one true living legend, Chad Vargas. Cameras pan around his lavish ‘Vargasland’ estate. The large swimming pool equipped with falling waterfall, the vehicles parked out front, the exterior is fit for a king, minus the moat and drawbridge. Inside, Vargas is seen lounging in his den, flipping through the channels – dressed casually, but looking as stellar as ever, in a pair of torn jeans, a black ‘Country Boy’ sleeveless shirt, his muscles glisten in the sunlight coming in from the windows. Blonde hair gelled to perfection with a pair of purple tinted Oakley sunglasses covering his eyes.)
Vargas: Since when did we order OCW Network?
(Coming into view, dressed in a three piece suit and think black tie, is none other than Vargas’ agent and personal interviewer, Treat Cassidy.)
Cassidy: (taking a seat next to Vargas on the sofa.) Hey it’s only $7.99 per month and we get all the classic OCW shit, it’s worthwhile.
Vargas: Yeah well this cat Brian Cady is making me want to swallow a fuckin’ bullet.
Cassidy: Agreed, but hey – speaking of OCW, camera crew is here for your shoot.
Vargas: I thought I told those bitches 5:30!?
Cassidy: It’s quarter past six, Chad.
Vargas: So you’re telling me they’re late!?! (sighs) Send ‘em the fuck in I guess.
(A short time later, three OCW equipment guys has Vargas’ living room looking like a television set, in walks Eddie Spoons, latest hopeful OCW interviewer.)
Eddie Spoons: Hey hey hey! Yo yo yo! What it do bro? It’s me Eddie damn good to meet you!
(Eddie extends his hand, introducing himself to Vargas. Vargas looks at him up not knowing what exactly to think of the mega douche standing before him.)
Vargas: Beat it man. Sit the fuck down next to your boys and keep your lips zipped – I do the fuckin’ talkin’ around here – and if I want to do an interview my main man Treat over there does the askin’.
(Eddie looks a bit alarmed, not knowing what to do, reluctantly takes a seat off camera next to the equipment boys. Treat tries not to burst out with laughter as he disappears out of sight himself.)
Vargas: Nice pad though ah boys?
(Before they can respond, Vargas continues on.)
Vargas: So before I get down to business, let me introduce myself – most of you fuck wads know just who the fuck I am, unless you’ve been living under a rock the past twenty years, I need no introduction but I enjoy giving my resume so listen up – Name’s Chad F’N Vargas. 96 championship reigns throughout the course of my career to my credit, 20 of those being World Heavyweight title reigns. I’ve been makin’ heads turn since I was 17 working for some shit hole up in Canada by the name of NAWA. From there I went to indy promotion after indy promotion before finally inking a deal with the EMF. Upon receiving an ‘Orlando Screwjob’ last week at their monthly Pay-per-view, I told every last one of those pig fuckers to pound sand, and on my way out punched esteemed Prez Mike right square in his dicksuckers. Needless to say, I’m out. I was contemplating retirement but after the constant influx of e-mails and phone calls, I responded to President Dean and well, the rest is fuckin’ history – I won’t announce the specifics of my deal because I wouldn’t want to make any of the undercard talent jealous because I can guarantee I’m in the top tier of the pay bracket around here! Now a lot of you are probably thinking “Who gives a shit?” And to be honest I don’t blame you for not caring because that was the EMF this is the OCW – and thank the good Lord for that. The past is the past, the present is now and the future is tomorrow – and I’m your fuckin’ Answer. If you can’t get the rhyme or reason with little riddle, then you need to go back to fuckin’ college.
(Treat comes back into view with a six pack of Budwieser. He throws it on the coffee table as Vargas leans in and grabs one, cracks the top and takes a drag off the beer. Cassidy takes a seat next to Vargas once again, and straightens his tie. He wastes no time going into his spiel.)
Cassidy: HELLLOOOO OCW fans and welcome! To OCW: In Your House! I’m Treat Cassidy here with you LIVE! From Nashville, Tennessee in the home of none other than wrestling’s God – Chad Vargas, freshly signed to the OCW! Briefly those who don’t know me – I am Treat Cassidy, former actor, with my claim to fame being the guest star on 7th Heaven a record 12 straight episodes, after that I gained a lead role on the Canadian hit sitcom – Degrassi! All the while being the biggest wrestling fan on the planet, I received a job as a booker in the now defunct NWF where I met Chad Vargas, we went to EMF together where I hosted ‘A Midnight Treat’ upon Vargas’ departure I myse---
Vargas: (cutting Treat off.) Goddamnt man whose fuckin’ TV time is this Treat, yours of mine!?
(Treat, who realizes he was going off on a tangent, adjusts his tie and clears his throat as Vargas takes another drag off his beer.)
Cassidy: So, here I am as I said, the host with the most sitting here alongside the real ‘Great One’ Chad Vargas who makes his OCW debut this Monday night on Massacre in a huge rookie battle royal with the winner slated to receive an Internet championship title shot later on this month! Chad, what are your thoughts on the match, and more importantly the impact of your arrival here at OCW?
Vargas: OCW needs me. Have you taken a look around at the sess pool they call talent around here!? It’s subpar at best. I’ll be glad to jump into action Monday night, cave some fuckin’ heads in and score a title shot in my first career match with this promotion. I tell ya what though – I don’t know if I’m offended or pissed off by being referred to as a rookie. I’ve been doin’ this shit since Christ was a cowboy I ain’t no goddamn rookie. I am a legend of the sport, but being as this is a new company for me to rifle through, I suppose I have to start at the bottom. And by bottom, these guys wasn’t fuckin’ kiddin’ either. The guys in this match surely are bottom of the barrel. But I’ll do what I’ve done my entire career doesn’t matter where it is or what the place is called – work my way up, rung by fuckin’ rung climbing that ladder of success, win this match and go on to face Scott Syren in a few weeks for his Internet championship that is bound to become MINE!
(Vargas kills the rest of his beer in one swig, than pulls out a can of Copenhagen, packs it up and opens the can, he throws nearly the entire can into the bottom of his lip, and spits a strain into the empty beer bottle.)
Cassidy: Well, Chad this match is full of big names across the world, I mean there is B Minus, Jayson Price, and Trent Collins to name a few.
Vargas: Who?
Cassidy: Not to mention up and comer K. Carlton Davidson III.
Vargas: Who?
Cassidy: K. Carlton Davidson III.
Vargas: Yeah I got that, but who the fuck is he? Guy sounds like some nerd from high school who got his ass beat by me daily and forced to do my homework in fear I’d dog out his mother. And c’mon there are three of this fuckin’ guy floatin’ around the World? Really? After papi Davidson Sr. was born a fuck up you’d think the genes would’ve run dry before this guy was born. Kid will hold zero weight in this match, trust me, Treat. Alls I gotta say is Davidson, you’re daddy ole #2 himself should’ve wore a fuckin’ condom!
Cassidy: (tries not to laugh) Then of course there is “The Mad Genius” Brian Cady.
Vargas: (laughs hysterically) Mad Genius, huh? Guy is a fuckin’ jerk off from the word GO. If you’re such a genius, Cady – It’s called FOCUS. Try it sometime, bitch. Seriously, I’ve watched his pathetic attempt at relevance on OCW Network and wanted to commit suicide. Earth to Cady – please, son – take heed to what I’m about to tell you, NOBODY and I do mean NOBODY gives a smelly rats scrotum about your past. Nobody needs to know your life story. I know you’re trying super hard to show the world you’re something – but you are fuckin’ nothing kid. Nothing but shit I wipe out of my ass and flush down the pot. I’ve seen your kind plenty of times before and lets me be honest, I’m still sitting here laughing at how unbelievably stale you are. UNIMPRESSED Cady, unimpressed. Try again.
(Vargas spits a quib of chewing tobacco into the beer bottle and presses on.)
Vargas: I got it from here, Treat. Every last one of these guys in this match don’t hold a candle to The true Southern Gentleman. Let’s face the facts here. President Dean didn’t know what to do with most of these cunts on the show so he said “Fuck it, I’ll throw them in this rookie battle royal” Everybody else is just also rans. Field fillers. You’re a fan of NASCAR right, Treat?
(Cassidy nods)
Vargas: Well in any given race, there’s only a handful of fellas that actually have a shot at winning. Same with this match, except there isn’t a handful. There’s me. Lonely at the top. I mean sure there’s this cat Kobra in the match, he’s been around for awhile, but whoopty fuck? The fact that he calls himself “Kobra” is laughable at best. Go back to the drawing boards, “Kobra” and come up with something else. I know you’re trying to be intimidating but it’s not working on me. It may work on bitches like KC3 and Brian Cady but I’ll stand there right before you and say “Fuck you” and headbutt you into next fuckin’ week.
This cat Jason Xavier – same deal, trying so fuckin’ goddamn hard to be relevant. I doubt this guy has ever been successful a day in his fuckin’ life. Go back to the back room of your mom’s trailer park home in Podunk, USA and jerk off over wrestling magazines because X – you’ve got no fuckin’ business in the OCW. Same with ProZac or whatever the fuck he’s calling himself. This guy is so fuckin’ far beneath me I don’t even feel like talking about him. Flat out, end of fuckin’ story.
I could sit here and pick these ---gots apart all night long, and while it may be fun, AND true, there’s simply no point. I’ll let my actions do the talking Monday night. It doesn’t matter who gets thrown out, or who gets beat down, it matters who stands alone in the ring when the bell sounds, and that motherfuckers is gonna be yours truly, the Confederate Icon, The Southern Hammer, Chad F’N Vargas himself. I’ll go on to face Scott Syren for the Internet championship, beat his ass and win my first OCW title and the rest will be fuckin’ history! Monday night each of these sorry excuses for human beings will be on the recieving end of a good ole fashion down home southern ass kickin' courtesy of your's truly! Bring the beer - I'll bring the beatings!
(Vargas spits another long strain of tobacco in the bottle, and looks at the camera with an evil look.)
Vargas: KING KONG AIN’T GOT SHIT ON ME!
(Vargas stands up, walks over to the OCW guys sitting on the couch, punches one in the nose and spits in the others face. Treat quickly motions for the other one to cut the camera as the scene fades to black.)
OOC: Usually don't approach an RP like this, but I'm pressed for time so it is what it is. Also, I also don't usually drop dead feds or previous feds, but since I was shit talking them I feel like it was alright. Anyways, hope to get another up before deadline expires. Thanks.[/font][/em][/strong][/center]
