Post by Brianna Casablancas on Apr 4, 2014 20:49:47 GMT -5
"I am what?" Brianna asks from her now almost empty office at the University of Washington Seattle campus. She had stopped by to update her teacher's assistants on the month's class schedule as well as meet with some clients. But what she found when entered was a group of movers repossessing her desk, books, lamps, and other knick-knacks she had in her second home. Also there was Dean Flanagan overlooking this "transition." It probably did not help her cause that she entered the office with a wrestling title belt over her shoulder. "I am fired?"
"That is not a fair way to look at it." The Dean begins, not very regretful as his view on Brianna Casablancas has changed over the last two months and a half. A once gifted professor of psychology has been withered away into a redneck icon. "We just are not renewing your fellowship with the campus. And seeing that your grant is up next week, I do not see any point in keeping you around."
It is rare for Brianna to show even a hint of anger on her face but as she is being told that her research was not being funded anymore, that anger crosses her face. It wasn't like she didn't continue her research or did not teach her classes; she did but it was via her computer as she sure has been on the road a lot lately. It did kind of hold her back from what at one point was her primary career. But ever since Resurrection, that really has not been the case for her. Yes, she would do her job but maybe she was getting more caught up in the thrill of being a professional than she originally thought. But still she persisted. "But I AM doing some very important research here."
"Yes, that shiny gold belt indicates that you HAVE been hard at work." Dean Flanagan looks at the belt draped over her shoulder with pity and disdain for what has become to him a 'lesser being.'
"You do not understand, I have made progress in the study of the aggressive male mind ... especially one's with a major insecurity complex. This week I defending this title against a man who is trying to convince the world that he is a sociopath when actual sociopaths do not know they are sociopaths and certainly would not label themselves as such. It is truly fascinating." Brianna says as if explaining it will change any of this but she knows the truth. That truth is that this decision was made the moment she started to be featured regularly on the internet and then television.
"No, it truly isn't." The Dean begins with even more disgust in his voice. "It is a waste of school resources. Did you really think we were going to support this endeavor to study the mind of people that the academic community would prefer never existed in the first place? And, even worse, they turned you into one of them."
"They didn't turn me into anything, Dean." Brianna said trying to force that smile that just would not appear. "I have always been this way. I have always enjoyed fieldwork and the rush of mental competition. I am sorry if you did not know what you were getting when you gave me that grant."
Dean Flanagan tried to calm himself after she spoke. The completely bald man in the fancy tweed blazer tried really hard to understand where she was coming from but he couldn't do it. There was even a strained look on his face as he tried to exhibit some kind of empathy for her. But every time he looked at that gold monstrosity over her shoulder, he would be filled with rage again. But this was not just his decision or opinion. "I am truly sorry Ms. Casablancas but the board has decided and agreed that you being involved in this oddly violent subculture is bad publicity for this esteemed four year university. It would not be so bad if this company you were aligned with didn't plaster your face on every piece of merchandise and promotional material ...in your underwear no less."
"That isn't my underwear, it is my ring gear. Everyone just thinks it is my underwear for some reason." Brianna begins trying to justify the marketing that is apparently getting her fired but is immediately cut off by Dean Flannigan.
"It doesn't matter Brianna. This matter has been settled and your funding has been cut." He pauses before the next portion. "We wish you luck in your future endeavors."
Brianna's look of regret is replaced be a fleeting moment of serendipity. "It is funny that you say that because that is something most wrestling companies say when...."
"I don't care." Dean Flanagan says ready to end this conversation and get rid of this embarrassment to his institution. "Please do leave. Your replacement will be arriving shortly." And that hurt. It hurt that she was so replaceable in a profession that she DID love. She loved it just as much as she was was currently loving her career as a professional grappler. But here she was, just being traded out for another model. If it could happen in the psychology world, it could sure as well happen in the world of grappling. And while she does believe there is a time and a place for that she believes that would be just as premature as this "transition" was.
Briann, still trying to keep her chipper smile walks out of what used to be her office and back onto what used to be the campus she taught at.
She stares down at her title as she walks throughout campus on what should be a sunny day and to everyone else it is. But to her, things just got a tad bit cloudier. Yes, she should be happy because though even she lost her job at the University, she has so many things to be proud of and a few other sources of income. Afterall, she is the Central champion and now making some pretty decent pay as well as the fact that she still has her medical license and can work freelance wherever she pleases. But still, as she moves further and further away from being this respected Professor, she looks down at her belt and asks herself a question that she would later regret she asked. 'Is it worth it?'
"Hey, Professor Casablancas." Her brief stint of self-doubt is suddenly interrupted by a young Grad student who is chasing her down. Even though over the last few months, she had to make it a habit to do her lectures on the road, she did try her best to remember each of her students by name. She also made sure to be open to talk to them if they had any questions be that in person, or via e-mail, or text. She knew this young man as Jimmy. He always asked her a lot of questions and seemed very eager to learn. A lot of students his age usually just do enough to get by and get their masters so they can get paid. This guy actually had a passion for the field of psychology which was always encouraging for her to see from a student. He was not a very strikingly handsome male student but he was not ugly either. He was just very 'basic.' Usually when people were 'basic' in any category that meant that they would over compensate in other areas. But what he compensated was psychology ...and that was the most healthy compensation she had ever seen. The worst was ...well ...pretty much everything The Family does on a regular basis. But here this enthusiastic young man is probably coming to her for advice and all she will be able to say was 'I was fired.' "Wait up, Professor Casablancas."
She reluctantly stops and again stares down at her championship belt that she is now holding in her arms and once again asks herself 'Is it worth it?' The look of reluctance washes off Brianna's face as she puts on what is sometimes her mask. "Good day, James. How are you today?"
He tries to catch his breath before answering her. "I am fine. I just have a few questions ask you."
The awkwardness of the conversation begins to seep in immediately as it seems that she might have to embarrass this poor boy. She tries to avoid it though. "I am sorry, but I am on my way ..."
"To prepare to defend your title against Sean Fuller." He says briefly before catching his breath. She had never been asked about her wrestling profession by a student. For the longest time she just figured that they did not know about it. And after that conversation she just assumed that if they knew about it they looked down on her like the rest of the academia apparently did.
"Why yes, Jimmy. Though you never struck me much as a wrestling through our conversations." Brianna said as she was slowly feeling a bit better about herself after what seemed to be a moment of doubt ...which is an almost foreign experience to her these days.
"I am not." The enthusiastic yet nervous grad student said. "Well, I wasn't. But then we all found out that you were moonlighting as one and I am sorry if I sound rude, we just had to see for ourselves. To be honest, there is a group of us that is fairly hooked at this point."
Brianna chuckles to herself as again this conversation continues to chip away at that foreign feeling of doubt. "That does not seem like a hobby befitting a few grad students."
"We didn't think so either at first." Jimmy begins. "At first we laughed at it because you have to admit it is beyond silly."
"Oh, I fully agree, love. To be involved in it is to embrace the stupid a bit." She spoke as her former Grad student follows her out of what would be her former place of business.
"But as we were watching, we thought to ourselves 'If Professor Brianna is involved in it there must be some redemptive quality; there must be something educational about it.' You were the most intelligent and knowledgeable and nicest Professor we had, so if you were involved, there had to be something of value there. And sure enough there was. It isn't just half naked men and women fighting in their underwear ...or at least it isn't just that. It is the never ending battle of egos. It is about order Vs. chaos. It is about mentally unhealthy enacting vengeance for their disorder by trying to embarrass those that they consider threats to them; those that can reveal their actual disorder to them. And the fight against one's true self. There are so many over and undertones involved with the men and women you face on a weekly basis we now have long debates over them at least once a week." Brianna was taken aback. Even she could not make those parallels but that was perhaps because she was embroiled in it and had not looked at her situation from an outside perspective in a long while. In fact, it has been a while since she has approached her grappling profession with an academic mind. Maybe Dean Flanagan was right? MAYBE she did begin to lose sight of her roots just a tad. But maybe there was a way for Brianna the academic to co-exist with Brianna the Grappler. And maybe this young man was the key to that.
"So you say you have a discussion group with others on campus?" She says with a sparkle in her eye with the knowledge that maybe that Brianna the intellectual was not too far gone at this point. And that maybe the intellectual and Brianna the grappler could be the same person. This student certainly seemed to think so.
-----
"So ...this is our theory about The Family and maybe you will agree." A young student by the name of Heather says as Brianna is huddled in the recreation room of one of the dormitories with seven other students, Jimmy and Heather included. "We believe that they travel together in a pack due to their latent homosexuality. There are several members that are severely threatened by women and obviously sexually confused."
These Grad students are crowded around Brianna as they all chow down on Pizza which Brianna declines due to her being a professional athlete. Brianna thinks about this theory and nods her head. "That is a very smart observation but I would say that each member of the group represents some kind of insecurity about their sexuality. Roach is obviously the closet homosexual of the group. The way he assumes that any woman that are friends are automatically dykes is a dead give away. Deep down inside, he wishes that EVERYONE had the same repressed urge to be with the same gender.
The Grad students look at each other and go "oh!" at the same time. They knew they were close but Brianna sure does appreciate them driving her back to this level of thought she might of forgot about.
"Now Ian has a different form of frustration." She continues. "He wants women to accept him as is without changing one bit. He is intimidated by the fact that any woman he settles down with will need him to change and I can attest that he is TERRIFIED of changing or improving himself. How dare a woman insight that he isn't incredible. That is, of course, why he forced himself on MJ Bell, my team mate for War Games. In his mind, she is going to accept him one way or another whether she wants to or not."
"Do Mario next." A hispanic student by the name of David asks right before guzzling down a gallon of Pepsi. Oh to be young and careless again without worrying about weight gain or diabetes.
"Mario is the simplest one: he is just plain and simple vain. He worries so much about what he looks like and obsesses over it. Why do you think, he is built like a Greek God? It isn't because he has confidence but because of a lack of it. He lusts. He obsesses. He dreams of this Italian model to be with him, to the point where h, a man who rarely shows a lack of confidence in the ring, is nervous around her. And he doesn't want he because of her brains or class but because maybe that could compensate for how ugly he feels. Maybe then people will see him as desirable. But that will never pass because he can never himself as that." They all stare at her with great intrigue at this very moment and she knows what they want to hear now. "You want me to speak on Sean Fuller don't you?"
"Yes." A student named Krista speaks up with fascination as to what Brianna might have to say about him. "He is the most perplexing of all of the wrestlers signed with OCW. There is obviously some sexual insecurity there but we think there might be a whole lot more to the equation."
She smiles as they probably have the same opinion on him as does. "Well, lets not split hairs here: I do not think very highly of Sean Fuller whatsoever. But, like the rest of The Family, I am giving him his shot at the Central title and hopefully he can change that low opinion. But to say he is sexually frustrated is to put it mildly. Think of the most perverse middle schooler and times that by one thousand. And add to that a submissive wife who allows him to be a deviant. No, deviant is not the right word ...because someone, somewhere finds deviants attractive, someone finds them desirable. This man is plain and simple, a predator. Look at the way he was MJ Bell ...who seems to attract men who do not know that no means no. He mixed violence with pleasure. He thought someone wanting revenge on him was desire. But here the thing: it isn't a social disorder either."
"What do you mean Professor Casablancas?" Jimmy asks in the recreation room with some excitement towards her answer.
"Please, call me Brianna" She had not found a way to break the news to them yet that she was no longer their professor. Would they see her differently? Would they suddenly lose interest in her. "And quite simply, he calls HIMSELF a sociopath. Do you know what kind sociopaths do that?"
The kids all look at each other not sure how to answer the question that turns out to be a riddle.
"Ones that aren't sociopaths at all." She answers matter of factly. "No actual crazy person believe they are crazy. They believe they are sane and the rest of the world are the crazy ones. No, he is plain and simple a prat. He knows the rules of society and what is deemed appropriate and inappropriate and breaks them anyways because he believes that he can just plead insanity and continue to get away with breaking said rules. Bloody hell, why do you think he still has a job after his assault on MJ? And the sad part is, he has a group of guys that are now going to enforce that charade by hyping him up as a real crazy man. But in truth, Ian has proved himself madder than him on numerous occasions due to going against the social norms and claiming that I was the crazy one. So no, I do not believe that Sean Fuller is a sociopath but it allows him an excuse to be a giant pervert; it allows him an excuse to enact his basest desires on unwilling people; but it also allows him the only way he is going to draw attention to himself in a sea full of more talented individuals. But since he behaves like an A.D.H.D child in an R.S.P class everyone just ignores his cries of attention instead of giving him exactly what he needs: some therapy."
"And is that why you have put your title on the line every week?" Heather asks. "To lure every member to face what truly ails them?"
"Well, that and to give the title some of its prestige back after Ian dropped the ball." She pauses for a moment as she thinks about what IS her thought process going into this match.What IS her thought process now that she has a title. Why has it changed since the early days in OCW? Why had she not thought of the obvious route to take with Mr. Sean Fuller? "But I suppose you are right. Everybody goes into the ring with him like they are prepared to fight a sociopath or a psycho who does not know better and that maybe why he has been able to pull out a few wins here and there ...and probably why he was even admitted into the Family. But I am stepping into the ring with a man who hides behind his reputation; I am going into the ring with a man who WILL try to injure me but it isn't because some kind of social disorder, it is because he is just a bloody sod who wants the world to make excuses for the way he is. That might have worked with the rest of the roster but it doesn't work with me, if he wants a shot at winning the title; if he wants to get further than Ian got with me ...he needs to be true to himself. He needs to be honest with himself. He needs to look in the mirror and say 'I am Sean Fuller. I am not Deadpool. I act like an ass because I choose to ...not because it is ingrained in my DNA.' And maybe then he MIGHT be at Ian's level of a challenge to me. And if he doesn't step into the ring with that outlook, I will certainly make sure he leaves the ring with it but more importantly, I will make sure that the rest of the world knows the truth about him and will no longer fear this wee sad little man."
"And then Mario, right?" An Indian girl asks from the corner of the room with excitement.
"Indeed. He might actually be the toughest of the four of them but he is also the least out spoken of them all. I am challenging his leadership but he is content on letting Ian Bishop, a man who has failed him on numerous occasions take the lead. As said though, he is tough but not just that, he is intelligent enough to hide behind his cannon fodder. It is intelligent." She pauses for a moment and then gives a chuckle to herself. "Cowardly but intelligent. But his true test comes at Total Demolition as he will face me and a team of my choosing. And in the end, I will not have beat him ...but have convinced him that he put his faith in the wrong group of men. He put his faith in fools and will get the rewards of a man who has done such."
"And then you can come back to class and tell us what it was like first hand." Jimmy asks excited as he wipes off his mouth with his napkin. And that was when the reality of why she was here sank in. That was when she remembered that she would not be being true to herself had she not told them what happened.
"Well, darlings, you see..." She stops herself for a moment before finding just the right words. "The board had kindly asked me to take my leave of this campus."
The students look shocked and dismayed at this revelation she dropped on them after regaling them with analysis of The Family. Heather is the first to protest. "How can they do that? You are the best professor on Campus."
"Love, it is quite alright, this allows me the chance to pursue other pursuits." But then David chimes in.
"But why? Why would they do that?"
"From what I understood, it was because my involvement with OCW drew a negative outlook on the institution and thinking about it, I could see where they would get that impression. It did start out as an experiment but I have gotten carried away with it. I started to enjoy it which isn't a bad thing but has been less about the psychology and more about the winning as of late."
"You're wrong." The quiet girl in the Indian began as Brianna had never heard a student speak to a professor (fired or not) like that before. "There never WAS a separation between you as a wrestler and you as a psychologist ...you just stopped concentrating so much on the label and your profession and instead embraced both being a wrestler and an intellectual at the same time. When you won the House of Mirrors match, instead of taking a title that you KNEW you had not really earned but were just chosen for, you took humility over vanity. When Ian and The Family attacked everything you hold dear, or at least thought he did, you did not stoop to his level. And when he tried getting a re-match, you made him keep to his word. You did not let him lure you into giving him something he never really deserved in the first place."
She stopped and that was when Jimmy stood up and continued the rousing speech. "Those are NOT things that just a wrestler would do. Those are things that an intelligent psychology professor would do had she been put in said situation."
"Fuck the Dean if he doesn't understand your popularity and appeal." Heather said while giving a bird. She also had a sly smile underneath her rastafarian hat and dreadlocks. "I don't know if you noticed but the rest of the world has started a resistance against intellectuals. It suddenly isn't 'cool' anymore to have common sense. You are looked down on for not stating an opinion as a stubborn fact but instead presenting it as an actual opinion. To see someone with her p.h.d enter the ring and represent US in an arena where we aren't represented, it is inspiring."
"Plus, you helped us understand the complex nature of a sport we always looked down on ourselves and now we really enjoy it." David says as Brianna is moved by this rousing speech and like that, her moment of self doubt was gone.
She looks at them, just moved by everything they said, knowing that anything she says would come out pretentious. "Thank you, loves. I needed to hear that."
"Just do us a favor." Jimmy exclaims.
"And what is that, James?" Brianna asks as she gets up off her seat as she does need to shove off.
"When War Games is done, come visit us so we can talk about the next stupid thing The Family does to make themselves seem menacing but instead come off as jokes because none of them seem to be able to win matches that really matter." He speaks in a tongue in cheek tone.
She smiles at him as she gets up from her seat. "Will do, love."
As she leaves the campus, she still is upset that something she enjoys doing got her fired but she also believes that it was for wrong reasons. She heads to the parking lot thinking that she cannot change what people think of her or what she does. All she can do is be the Brianna Casablancas she has always been with no separation between the intellectual and the wrestler. If the whole world does not like it that is their choice and she supports them fully ...but she will be damned if that will control her.
She looks down at her title. "It was worth it."