Post by Vargas on Jan 20, 2022 20:53:59 GMT -5
Two dark brown Lucchese alligator skinned cowboy boots are seen rocking back and forth. As the camera backs out, we see an old wooden rocking chair in a dark room with a shadow of a man sitting in it rocking back and forth. All that can be made out is, this mother fucker’s got a fine taste in footwear.
As we scan the room, it gets clearer. It appears we are in someone’s man cave. Sports memorabilia is surrounding the room. Photographs litter the wall with the all Greats of Professional Wrestling pictured.
The room gets even clearer, and the figure is now CRYSTAL CLEAR. A gasp from the audience, women’s panties moistening by the mere sight of him, beta men’s guns being loaded at the thought of his return...
Aerosmith’s “Back in the Saddle” CRANKS to tack on even more bad assery.
We see none other than THE CONFEDERATE ICON, the JESUS CHRIST of PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING, the RIGHT WING WAR CRUSADER, the OVER-SEERER OF LIFE… Chad f’n Vargas!
As the cameras pan out, they close up on Vargas and get tight with the close up. This motherfucker looks like a million bucks. Ain’t aged a day. He’s dressed to the nine’s as always. Fourteen thousand dollar Lucchese cowboy boots is just the cherry on top. He’s wearing a pair of starched blue jeans, a tank top that reads “WHITE LIVES MATTER.” With some crafty camera work, we get a close up of his muscles, glistening off what little light is in the room. Dude is fucking built for his age. He’s topped off with a pair of mirrored tinted Oakley sunglasses. In a dark room, only a true MAN’s man can pull off shades.
Vargas: Well that’s been fun.
Vargas leans back in the rocking chair like Caesar and smiles arrogantly.
Vargas: It’s been kinda dull though. Retirement. I have to remind myself some mornin’s, I’m pushing 50. Imagine that. A semi-retired nearing 50 year old rifleman, selling more tickets and drawing more money than some of these limp-wristed boys and girls on the roster today. The state of OCW is in dire straits. Look at the fuckin’ roster man, I’m not even being a dick here. You’ve got this kid Gideon Cross who looks and acts like Pat Mahomes’ little queer brother. Holy fucking embarrassment. How did this guy’s contract get inked, for real? I took a shit this morning that was more intimidating than this fuckin’ clown. Emily Gordon and Victoria Stadler… c’mon really? Pushing the ugliest no talent broads down our throats. Give it a rest! These two hoes should be in the kitchen fixing me a ham and cheese not wrestling on center stage! This is OC fuckin’ W! Women belong in kitchens or on their knees, not EVER in a man’s wrestling ring. If one of those broads walked in right now, I’d punch her straight in the throat. Get out of my sport, ladies. Don’t even get me started on the guy carrying the strap. How and why isn’t Mack O’Connor always the OCW Champion? No wonder why the office did everything they could do to pull REAL talent out of retirement. The old dogs gotta come in and carry this show home like ALWAYS. Real men, real workers, the likes of Lurrr, Mario Maurako, Grenier, Canon… Hell, even Meyhu. WE are the one’s selling tickets people, let’s be real. Guys like The Incredible One, CJ O’Donnell, Melinda Rhodes… they just couldn’t handle it and people refused to watch them on TV, people we’re literally dropping dead from sheer boredom while watching them perform and talk.
The Incredible One is the type of sheep ass pussy to block someone on social media when he gets triggered. Is that really the type of guy a professional wrestling syndicate should be featuring and promoting? FUCK NO. Guys like that are a shit stain on the company. Complete humiliation. Guys that can’t even check their own oil, scared to death of the fuckin’ sniffles, how in the ever lovin’ FUCK is he supposed to go on television every night and look “cool”? Never been cool a day in his fuckin’ life.
Some of you f--- don’t even know what COOL is. Most of you iCarly motherfuckers belong on the Disney channel.
Truth of the matter is, Welsh and the rest of the brass only care about the bottom line. Half the card isn’t even worth paying for. I am willing to bet EVERYONE gets up and takes a shit or makes a sandwich during the Veronia Stadler/Dylan Thomas match. GUARANTEE IT. So, the short of it is, this: Welsh calls in the hired guns, the heavy hitters if you will to come in and walk it back. You know, make the show an actual success? I’d bet my entire bank account that the two GREATS of WRESTLING PAST and PRESENT, Canon and myself will have much higher ratings then most of the rest of the card. Let’s face it, most wrestling companies FEAR ratings, that’s why OCW is at the top of the pile. OCW is NOT for the weak at heart. Guys that run right out and get injected with a vaccine with NO questions asked are NOT guys that can carry a company, that’s for fuck sure.
But, hey, retirement was great. I did a lot of hunting and fishing. But I stayed tight. I stayed ready. I AM ready. You don’t get as successful as me without capitalizing on other’s weaknesses and cashing in. I’ll always take a big payday and if some of you retards had any idea, you’d be out there winning matches and making a name for yourselves. One day you’ll be able to cash a Canon or Vargas check. Until then, keep living on the bottom with your shitty ring gear and your pussy ass Twitter posts. You all disgust me. Any grown man who posts on a Twitter account should be shot fucking dead right now! Fret not pussies, the SOUTHERN SAWHORSE is coming to save the day!
Vargas kicks back in the rocking chair as the camera slowly fades out. As the camera fades, we see close ups of a couple of the photographs hanging from Vargas’ wall. The night he was inducted into the Hall of Fame standing next to Jimmy Buffett. He’s holding the strap in one, the night he won the OCW Championship. Older photos also show a young Vargas, standing next to the guy that broke him into the business, RASPUTIN. As we slowly fade out of Vargas’ reprieve, hearts all around the OCW are breaking at the return of a LIVING LEGEND…
It’s mid-day at the Vargas abode, affectionately dubbed ‘VARGASLAND’. Tucked into the tranquil south in the foothills of KNOXVILLE, TENNESSEE. The camera pans the property, outside first, to show the pristine landscaping throughout the lavish estate. You know, fresh cut grass is key. Comical when you think about it. Gideon Cross wouldn’t even be able to start a fucking lawnmower! That kid would probably try and put his cock into it somewhere. We gawk at every pillar leading up the massive wrap around porch. Some young slut that looks like Axelle Rose or some other run of the mill cunt. These hoes all look the same. She’s dressed in a A-cup bra and thong sitting on the swing giggling like a fucking moron. But… VARGASLAND… Wow. Some of the wood used, came directly from the old Nottoway Plantation. A home built in 1858 by famous slaver, Vargas being the final descendant, John Hampden Randolph. As we scope out the exterior, the camera follows along the cobblestone walkway. It’s a slow burn as we casually fade into his organized, spacious, and elegant home. Room after room. Finally the POV is jilted when Chad Vargas in all his glory can be heard hollering.
Vargas: What the fuck!?
Vargas stands over the thrown in his master bathroom with a look of horror and utter disgust. Quickly, his African American butler Clarence races in. Is the job title ‘butler’ OK in 2022?
Clarence: What’is’it, massa? You need’me boss?
Vargas: What the fuck is that?
Vargas points to the toilet with aggression. Clarence slips into the bathroom behind Vargas to take a closer look himself.
Clarence: Well massa, look’n like a floatin’ log’a’shit to me.
Vargas: Uh huh. The epitome of Curt Canon’s career, but why the FUCK is it in MY toilet?
Clarence: You didn’t drop’a deuce, boss?
Vargas is taken aback by the line of questioning. Like why the fuck would he be so upset if he WAS the one that took the shit! Flush it and move on, much like the Danger Boiz career. After nearly turning red with anger, he answers Clarence’s ‘stupid’ question.
Vargas: No! I didn’t drop a deuce? And who fucking says that!?
Clarence: Yessa boss…
Vargas looks Clarence up and down, not liking the fact that he has no answers for this mystery. I mean this shit is so long it’s curling out of the brim of the toilet like a banana. Jack Puffer would’ve had this fuckin’ thing solved by now. Clarence seems deep in thought, but suddenly, a light bulb above his head comes on.
Clarence: Come’a think about it boss, I let that hoe come up here. Said somepin’ about fresh’n up?
We suddenly cut to that skank sitting on the swing. Tight ass thong and small tits hanging out. She’s gotta be no older than 23. Kinda hot. Not really though. We close up on her curves. But then EREEREK error in the tape, we close up on her ass, and all we can think about is her dropping that massive stink pickle and now she’s out soaking up the sun on the porch swing, probably didn’t even wipe her asshole thoroughly. These the hoes these kids out here be fucking today in 2022. Bitch unloads diarrhea then wants her asshole licked mere moments later. It’s ungodly. Purple haired fruitcakes.
We cut back to the master bathroom where Vargas and Clarence stare at one another as if seeing the same graphics package. Both look completely grossed out.
Clarence: Yessa boss, I’ll get’da plunger and have this cleaned up.
Vargas: Get her OUT.
Clarence: Yessa massa. Why don’t you go on downstairs Auntie Rosalie fixed you a plate.
Vargas: Thanks Clarence.
Vargas says as he turns the corner to leave the master bathroom and his trusted stead Clarence to clean up today’s mess. Vargas walks down the spiral staircase into the kitchen, Auntie Roaslie is cooking away in the kitchen. Of course, where she belongs. Rosalie is an overweight black woman in an old fashioned dress. Oh, and she’s nobody’s real aunt. But, she’s a damn good cook and a loyal servant of the Vargas family. On her off time she loves smoking a phat joint too.
Vargas: Rose. Good morning!
Rosalie: Top of it to ya, massa. Got’cha some eggs and whatnot.
Vargas: Not hungry this morning, but thank you! I’ll eat it when I get back. I’m gonna go for a run.
Rosalie: You gettin’it boss! Good to be back at work! You are gonna kill that cracka!
Vargas smiles. Rosalie knows what time it is. Vargas pulls out his headphones and places them over his ears as Vargas takes off down his long winding driveway for a good head clearing morning run. Cardio like a boss.
We follow Vargas during his run, as clips cascade over the present day of all Vargas’ high profile moments throughout his illustrious run. OCW, GCWA, EMF, even some real early NAWA stuff is shown. “Gonna Fly Now” by Bill Conti (Rocky’s Theme Song for the uninformed) plays over the imagery. As the song slowly dies down, Vargas’ voice can be heard as we watch him continue his long winding run down his block.
Vargas: Curt Canon and I are cut from the same cloth. Granted, Canon is a Yankee but both of us are OLD SCHOOL blue collar guys. Coming up with raw talent and hard work, not like these bitches today coming into the industry because daddy has money. We are true WORKERS. WRESTLERS. FIGHTERS. Call it what you want. This will be an ultimate battle. A true testament of iron will. Canon is a man to respect. With me, I give very little respect to anyone, but Canon is a workhorse. Like me, a dying breed. I typically no sell all of my opponents because they are so far beneath me. Canon is only a few rungs beneath me. My recent OCW runs have been less than stellar. If I can come out of retirement and take an old legend to the cleaners, it’s one more step closer to my swan song. Entering deep within the Emperor’s Gambit to carry away my shot. The stakes are high. Access Denied, we will crown a new #1 contender to the fabled OCW championship. What it would mean to whole Southern USA if I became a WORLD champion once again at the twilight of my career. Goosebumps just thinking about it. THAT is hard work, pussies. Curt Canon – You’re a worthy opponent, and while I respect you and your career, don’t be misunderstood. I will plum knock you the fuck out Sunday night. Canon, your dead monkey isn’t going to save you in that jungle gym Welsh is calling EMPEROR’S GAMBIT. OCW and it’s WEAK ASS BOOKING. No matter what the fuck they’re calling it, It’s FINALLY time to restore the GOLDRUSH to VARGAS MOUNTAIN!
The scene slowly fades out as Vargas' continues his run gearing up for his triumphant return to OCW!