DYSTOPIA: DOUBLE X!!!

[zybala]

~ We open outside a run down, derelict looking arena. Vines have started growing up the walls and windows have been busted out. Above the main doors read the faded letters "OCW ARENA". This once proud home for one of the best promotions is now nothing but a home to rats, fleas and the homeless. A shadow of what was. We then cut to outside of the GCWA arena. The Red Robin next door is thriving with customers coming in and out, but sadly, no one enters the arena. ~


Narrator: Covid has been devastating to many businesses, including these two former titans of the wrestling business. But their memories live on through an idea no one thought would survive this long.


~ We cut to scenes of Peter Vaughn and Uber-Man's epic rivalry. They fade into clips of Shawn Warstein and Raging Dead beating the hell out of Sunday. The footage then shows various former Online Championship Wrestling jobbers like Jack Puffer actually getting wins. We go to a scene of someone who may or may not be Matt Meyhu holding the Outsiders World Title over his head. ~


Narrator: Like a perverse phoenix, Outsiders raises from the ashes of other companies to keep bringing you wrestling action. That action does sometimes cause hatred and feuds…


~ We cut to scenes of The Family attacking the rest of the tag division, then getting attacked themselves by Wrath of the Storm, S.E.X. and the tag team champs The Malvados. We cut to footage of Barry and Lord Allton attacking each other at various shows. Allton attacking Barry at a GCWA show. Barry dressed up as Sunday to get one over on PennyLord. We get a close up shot of each man and the hatred in their eyes is real. ~


Narrator: Everything comes to a head tonight! We get to see who will walk away as champions and those who merely walk away. All this and more on DYSTOPIA: DOUBLE X!!!



~ We go to a live feed of The Yard! It is packed! The Mariachi Band is rocking out a version of "Free Bird" and who doesn't love that song? The fans are cheering and going nuts! There are more bleachers and more ringside seats! As it was with Controlled Chaos, The Yard has that mini arena look and feel to it. Emilo and Eastern European are manning the grills while many food trucks are in the spare space behind the other two houses that Zybala purchased to make a super backyard for Outsiders. Sadly, no one is in the balcony overlooking The Yard. We see both Belvedere and Mitch already standing in the ring, both looking excited. Next to the ramp is one of those large, inflatable TV screens that was showing the opening video segment to the live crowd. We then pan over to the announce table/fridge box. Mike Zybala and President Dean are sitting behind the refrigerator body, both dressed in suits. Even Head of Security Lucas Thames is wearing a suit, though the arms are ripped off of his. We cut back to Zybala and Dean. They look ecstatic! ~


Dean: Welcome back to The Yard, Suckas!! Welcome to our second Outsiders pay per view; Double X!! Brought to you by Roku TV, Pluto TV, and YouTube!

Zybala: Three and a half years and twenty episodes later, and Outsiders is still going strong! Twenty shows in that time frame may not seem like much, but it's better than most D&D campaigns!

Dean: I wouldn't know nothing about that, sucka. What I do know is that we have my old buddy Lurrr in The Yard tonight!


~ The camera cuts over to see Lurrr sitting in the crowd next to literary genius Will Gardner! They both have a hefty amount of empty beer cans in front of them already. Lurrr stands up to wave to the fans as Gardner opens up a Bible and starts reading it. When Lurrr sits down, he sees what Will is doing. Lurrr grabs the Bible out of Will's hand and flings it across The Yard! He then forces another beer can into a dejected Gardner's hand and yells at him to drink more. ~

Dean: Looks like Lurrr is being a great influence again. Anyway, we got five exciting matches tonight!! First we got our show opener and we're starting off hot with a world title match!! Bri Carter makes her return to The Yard as she finally gets the world title shot she won back in episode 5 or 6, as she takes on the three time Outsiders World Championship, Peter Vaughn!

Zybala: Then we got The Legacy taking on Sunday in what could be the most one sided beating in history. Then we will see The Andy Memorial Open Invite Battle Royale, where anyone may show up! Who will walk away as our first ever Streaming Service Champion?

Dean: Then we got a double main event! First is The Malvados defending their tag team titles against The Family, S.E.X., and Wrath of the Storm in a T.L.C. match!!! These suckas have been attacking each other left, right and center the past month or so. This one's gonna be violent as shit!

Zybala: Speaking of sneak attacks, in our main event, we will finally see X-Factor champion Lord Allton taking on X-Division Champ Barry Barrows. Former friends turned bitter enemies will clash in this Ultimate X, title unification match. Will Barry get his final revenge on Allton, or will The Wrestling Jesus be giving Barry wheelchair recommendations after this?

Dean: Let's get this show on the road! Belvedere! Do your thang, man!!

OUTSIDER'S WORLD TITLE MATCH

BRI CARTER vs "THE JANITOR" PETER VAUGHN ©

~ The camera cuts over to Belvedere standing in the ring. Mitch is in the corner, smoking a blunt. ~


Belvedere: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, one and all, welcome to DYSTOPIA: DOUBLE X!!! The following is your opening match of the evening and it's scheduled for one fall!

Yardies: ONE FALL!!

Belvedere: And it is for the Outsiders Championship Wrestling World Championship! Introducing first, the challenger…Hailing from Miami, Florida, weighing 117 pounds, she is "The Better Carter" Bri Carter!


~ "Bitch Came Back" by Theory of a Deadman hits the speakers as Bri steps out from the back door and stands on the ramp. She looks around The Yard before she makes her way to the ring, high fiving a few fans on the way. She enters the ring and stretches a bit as Belvedere continues. ~


Belvedere: And her opponent… He stands at Six Feet, Two Inches and weighs in tonight at 198 pounds. He is the three time and current Outsiders World Champion!!! This is "The Wrestling Janitor" PEEEETTEERRR VAAAAAAAAUGHN!!


~ "Through the Night" by Arimachi Masahiko hits the speakers as Peter Vaughn walks into the yard. The fans burst into loud cheers for the greatest Outsiders World Champ. He's clad in his green and white janitorial garb, clutching his trusty broom and the world belt cinched around his waist. Vaughn makes his way to the ring, high fiving the fans along the way. He places the broom on the grass before he rolls in the ring. Vaughn takes off the title as he walks to a corner, climbs to the middle turnbuckle, and holds it high above his head. Vaughn climbs down, gives the belt to Mitch and turns to face Carter. Mitch holds up the title before handing it to Belvedere, who exits the ring as Mitch calls for the bell to start the match. ~


Zybala: Here we go! Carter versus Vaughn for the belt!

Dean: We've been waiting for this match since November of 2017. This is gonna be good, sucka!


~ Vaughn is about to try to lock up when Carter runs at him with a clothesline! Vaughn ducks and Bri keeps running. She bounces off the ropes and leaps in the air and hits Peter with a hip attack! Think Naomi's Rear View. Vaughn goes down, mostly out of surprise, and Carter actually has the nerve, the audacity! to twerk over Vaughn. Vaughn quickly reaches up and rolls up Carter in a small package. Mitch is there in a flash. ~


Mitch: One…..



Two……



THREE!!


~ Mitch calls for the bell as The Yardies boo at the quick match. Both wrestlers get to their feet; Pete looking surprised and Bri looking livid. She starts complaining about it being a fast count, but Mitch won't listen. He actually tells her that's what she gets for tweeting. Vaughn gets handed his title, looking pleasantly surprised. ~


Belvedere: Here is your winner, and STILL Outsiders World Champion, PETER VAUGHN!


~ The Yardies cheer for THE Wrestling Janitor, but some still boo the shortness of the match. Bri has left the ring in a huff and storms out of The Yard. Vaughn shrugs as he starts to celebrates his win in the ring when….... ~



"LA… LA, LA LA… Wait till I get my money right…”


~ Vaughn looks shocked then ready as "Can't Tell Me Nothing" hits the speakers. We wait a minute or two but now one comes out. Zybala smiles as he runs to the ring to tell Pete it was a joke. The two laugh before exiting the ring. Vaughn goes into the house as Zybala returns to the announce fridge. ~


Dean: Damn, that was quick and disappointing.

Zybala: That's what she said!

Dean: Never to me.

Zybala: Me either. But regardless, we have just seen what has got to be the quickest Outsiders match ever. The fans don't seem to be happy with the results.

Dean: Belvedere! Call the next match before these suckas riot!


~ We go back to the ring where Belvedere is already waiting to do what he does best. ~

PEOPLE ACTUALLY REQUESTED THIS BULLSHIT MATCH

SUNDAY vs THE LEGACY

Belvedere: The following is a special feature match, and it's scheduled for one fall!

Yardies: ONE FALL!!


Belvedere: Coming to the ring first… His weight and height are irrelevant… he hails from Parts Unknown…. He is the last day of the week…. Sunday!!


~ Sunday Morning After" By Amanda Marshall hits the speakers. Someone in a white full bodysuit with a red cross on it. Their face is covered by the bodysuit. They're wearing football gear, a helmet, shoulder pads, all of that stuff. The Yardies are a mix of cheers and boos for Outsiders equivalent of Scott Sterling. Sunday sees a fan holding up a sign and goes over to steal it. Sunday then gets in the ring and holds up the "Sunday Night Inferno" sign before tossing it to the side. He starts taking off the football gear as his music dies down and Belvedere continues…
~


Belvedere: And his opponents…. They claim to be the greatest collective of wrestlers GCWA and Outsiders has ever seen…. At a combined weight of 890 pounds…. They are The Legacy!!


~ "Blockbuster Night Pt.2" by Run The Jewels begins to blare throughout the arena as the crowd begins to jeer loudly. As James Raven, Jackson Hart, Shawn Warstein, and Noah Jackson all walk out of the house. Noah and Jackson lead the march down to the ring and the crowd starts a "Cunt" chant with Hart pumping his arm to the beat of the chant. Noah has a plate of food and he eats as he walks to the ring. He takes a big bite of meatloaf and looks very pleased. Shawn Warstein has the North American Title on his shoulder, looking smug as shit as he glares at Sunday. Raven looks like he is still questioning why he agreed to be here. Noah shoves a fork full of meatloaf and mashed potatoes in Raven's face, telling him he has to try it. Raven backs away, but Warstein takes the food instead. While chewing, he gives Zybala a quick thumbs up. The foursome make it into the ring and the music stops. Sunday starts complaining to Mitch as Belvedere exits the ring, complaining about the odds being unfair. Zybala stands up. ~


Zybala: You signed the contract! Fight or don't get paid!


~ Sunday's shoulders sag as he sadly nods. Mitch calls for the bell, starting the match. Warstein, Raven, and Noah exit the ring to stand in the corner. Noah actually sits on the grass to continue eating his meal. Sunday cautiously goes to lock up with Jax, but Hart ducks to the side and goes behind Sunday. Sunday turns around and catches a boot to the gut from Hart, who then begins to pummel him with right hands! Sunday drops to one knee as Hart continues to lay heavily into him. Hart grabs Sunday by the back of his mask and brings him back up, whipping him towards the ropes. Sunday reverses it and sends Hart towards the ropes. In a show of athleticism, Hart jumps onto the middle rope, and flips backwards with a moonsault, landing in a one knee kneeling pose with his arms spread wide. He actually says "Ta-Da" looking right at Sunday as The Yardies cheer the showboating.

Sunday is annoyed and runs at Hart, aiming a kick at his chest. Hart ducks by quickly dropping to his back as Sunday's foot swings over him, hitting nothing but air. Hart kips up back to his feet and smacks the back of Sunday's head playfully. Sunday turns and his face might be contorted with anger, but the mask hides it. Sunday charges at Hart with a clothesline but Hart ducks once again. He grabs Sunday from behind and puts his head under Sunday's arm. He then lifts Sunday from behind with all his might, flipping him up in the air, catching him and dropping Sunday with a Royal Flush powerbomb! Hart, who normally has the opponent pinned right after the move, rolls out of the way and flexes his arms in another showy act to the approval of the fans. ~


Zybala: The inexperience of Hart is showing right here. He should have just pinned Sunday and got this over with.

Dean: Nah dawg. Warstein probably told all these suckas to let him get the pin. These boys are playing with their food.

Zybala: Speaking of food, I think Noah is going to get more.


~ Noah does indeed leave ringside and heads into the house. Hart shrugs after seeing Noah leave and blindly tags Raven, who also was watching Noah. Raven looks confused and starts arguing with Jax that he doesn't want to fight. Mitch acknowledges the tag and starts counting to 5 for Hart to leave the ring. Hart goes between the ropes as Raven begrudgingly enters the ring. He quickly turns to tag in one of his partners, but Hart and Warstein hop down to the grass and wave for Raven to fight. Raven sighs and turns towards the still downed Sunday. He pins Sunday just to get it over with. Warstein shouts out a protest as Mitch goes to make the count. ~


Mitch: One……



Two…..


~ Sunday gets a shoulder up just as Warstein slides in the ring to try to break up the count. Raven gets up as Warstein crawls back out of the ring looking relieved. ~


Zybala: Was Shawn trying to SAVE Sunday there?

Dean: He hasn't had his turn yet. Warstein wants to tune Sunday up.

Zybala:..... Seems legit.


~ Raven takes a step back and waits for Sunday to get up. When he does, Raven steps forward with and starts hammering Sunday with rights and lefts into his head! The fans boo!! Sunday stumbles back into a corner. Raven hits him repeatedly...right, left, right left. Mitch tries to talk to Raven...but Raven rolls his eyes and shoves the ref away. The fans boo at this treatment of a Yard favorite. After beating Sunday senseless, Raven lifts a knee right into his sternum, forcing the wind from his lungs. The fans are booing. Raven whips Sunday across the ring and he SLAMS into the opposite corner. He sags limply against the turnbuckles. Noah is back at ringside with another plate of food. Raven runs at Sunday, leaps into the air and crashes into him with a big splash! Sunday staggers forward and Raven throws him into the ropes again. Sunday bounces off the ropes and as he nears Raven, Raven lowers his head and backdrops Sunday over the top rope! The masked man flies through the air and crashes hard on the grass below! ~


Noah: YOU FUCKING CUNT!!


~ On his way down, Sunday accidently kicked Noah's plate, sending food everywhere! Noah jumps on Sunday and starts wailing away at him with rights and lefts, screaming "CUNT!!" with each hit; The Yardies chanting along with the shouts. Warstein is watching this with great delight and Hart is chanting along. That's when Raven blind tags Warstein. Shawn turns, confused at what happened. Shawn turns and stares at Raven as he simply says "Your turn" before leaving the ring. Raven starts walking towards the house. ~


Dean: Is this sucka just walking out?

Zybala: I mean, it's not like The Legacy need him to beat Sunday.

Dean: Noah is doing that pretty good by himself…. Why is Raven coming over here?


~ Raven walks over to the fridge and looks at Dean and Zybala. ~


Raven: You got Netflix in the house?

Zybala: (caught off guard) Uhhh. Yeah…. Remote's on the table.


~ Without another word, Raven heads into the house, closing the door behind him. Noah is still beating Sunday senseless. Mitch starts a ten count since Sunday is outside of the ring. Warstein hops down to the grass and tries to calm Noah down, which he eventually does. They pick Sunday up and throw him in the ring and roll in after him. The father and son drag Sunday to the middle of the ring and stand him up. They both run at opposite ropes and The Yardies know what's coming next. So does Hart and he climbs the turnbuckles. The Sick Cunts bounce off the ropes, leap in the air and nail Sunday with stereo Superman Punches!! Sunday falls to the mat as Jackson Hart leaps off the top turnbuckle and crushes Sunday with a beautiful Spiral Tap!! The Yardies go nuts cheering as The Legacy stands over Sunday's body. ~


Zybala: Jesus, what a combo! King Maker followed by a Spiral Tap!

Dean: They may not be Outsiders, but even I gotta give it up to The Legacy. Plus, the Suckas in the audience are digging it.


~ Mitch tells Noah and Hart to leave the ring, since they're not the legal men. They shrug as they head back to their corner. Warstein stands over the prone body of Sunday. He taunts him a little more before dragging Sunday to his feet. Warstein casually walks over and slaps Sunday a few times. He hooks Sunday's head and drops him with an Ego Trip!! Shawn isn't done yet as he picks Sunday up again, but he just slumps down to his knees. Leaning against Warstein is the only thing keeping Sunday up. Shawn drags him up and ducks his head under Sunday's arm, looking for a Northern Lights Suplex. Before Shawn can lift him, Sunday slumps down again and crumples to the mat. Warstein falls with him, acting as if Sunday countered with a DDT. Both men lay on the canvas, Shawn obviously being in much better shape than Sunday. Mitch actually giggles at these shenanigans as he starts a slow ten count. Most of the Yardies laugh at this, while the others boo. Zybala and Dean sell the shit out of it. ~


Dean: What a counter!! Warstein was fucking around to much and he found out! Sunday planted that sucka!

Zybala: I thought Sunday was out of this match! That DDT out of nowhere really turned things around! This could be the rallying point Sunday needed!


~ Sunday barely moves as he tries to weakly roll to the ropes as Warstein slowly moves towards his team's corner. Noah and Hart are hamming it up as they stomp their feets and reach over the rope for the tag. The Yardies are clapping in time with Hart and Noah's stomps, trying to "rally" Warstein. With a burst of energy, Shawn pushes himself forward and makes the hot tag to Noah! The Yard erupts with cheers as Noah jumps into the ring and runs at Sunday. He drags him up only to dropkick him back to the mat! Noah picks him up and nails Sunday with a clothesline! He picks Sunday up yet again and bodyslams him to the mat before posing for the crowd, which is met with cheers aplenty! Noah then picks up The Last Day of the Week and whips him into his team's corner! Sunday hits the turnbuckles hard and his arm flops on impact, hitting Hart. Noah laughs and tells Mitch that Sunday tagged in Jax. Jax looks confused as Mitch takes a quick hit from his blunt then claps his hands over his head! Mitch is allowing the tag! Hart argues with Mitch as Noah laughs and taunts his teammate to get in the ring.

Hart slowly gets in the ring and Noah runs at him. Hart ducks a lock up attempt as Noah runs past him. Hart yells at Noah to calm down, but Noah rushes him again and locks up. Hart and Noah push against each other with neither giving an inch, Hart looking angry and Noah smiling. Noah gets the advantage as he throws Hart into the ropes. Hart bounces back as Noah flops to his belly. Hart jumps over Noah and keeps running. Noah rolls over to lay on his back as Hart jumps over him again. Hart's anger seems to leave him as he sees that Noah is just rolling back and forth. When Noah lays on his back again, Hart jumps high and lands right next to Noah, drops to his knees and pins Noah. Mitch goes to make the count but Warstein breaks up the pin. He then points out of the ring. ~


Warstein: Sunday is getting away!


~ Noah and Hart look where Shawn is pointing and see Sunday crawling towards the house. Hart gets off of Noah and The Legacy leave the ring. They run up to Sunday and stop him as Noah and Warstein grab his feet and drag him back to the ring. Hart lifts Sunday up by the shoulders and The Sick Cunts lift his legs and they prob Sunday back on the apron. Hart hops on the ring apron as Shawn pushes Sunday back into the ring. He and Noah slide in after him. Noah heads to the corner and waits as Shawn stands Sunday up in front of him. The Yardies boo as this has dragged on long enough. They want a real fight. ~


Zybala: It looks like Sunday is in real trouble now.

Dean: Now? Sucka, that mother fucker's been in trouble the minute he stepped in the ring! I like a beat down as much as the next dude, but I'm even getting bored.

Zybala: So are the fans by the sound of it…


~ Warstein grabs Sunday with a double underhook and drops him hard with an Ego Trip!! He drags Sunday up to his feet and turns him to face Hart. Hart grabs the top rope, spins as he jumps on it, does another spin as he leaps off the rope towards Sunday and Warstein. Shawn steps away from Sunday as Jax flies at him, nailing a picture perfect On Tilt 720 DDT!!! Sunday is out cold but The Legacy isn't done. Shawn and Jax position Sunday in the middle of the ring, and Noah hops up on the second turnbuckle. He uses that to jump to the top turnbuckle and leaps off with The World's Sickest Moonsault!! He crashes hard on Sunday and mercifully makes the pin. Mitch gets in position. ~


Mitch: One....




Two…..




THREE!!!!!


Belvedere: Here are your winners…. THE LEGACY!!


~ The Legacy stand tall over Sunday as The Yardies boo and some cheer. One of The Mariachi Band members hands Warstein his North American title through the ropes. Warstein takes it and holds it high and the boos get louder. They leave the ring and head towards the house, Noah talking excitedly about getting another plate. We cut to a segment ~

SEGMENT

We cut to a room in one of the houses next to Emilio’s and we see Lord Allton with a sick, demented smile on his face. One that would look more at home on the face of PennyLord but...no clown make -up. Vincenzo and Tank are standing behind him as usual – Tank with his usual stoic look, arms crossed and Vincenzo with his usual, cocky smirk. Allton this time does not wait to speak.



Allton: I’m sure all of you are wondering just how we made it back to the States given our… **Ahem** ‘mix up’ in Sicily. Well Lissie has an exceptional legal mind and so once again your favourite Lord of the Yard, the Jesus Christ of Outsiders Wrestling….



Pennywise: The Lord of Evil…



Allton: The Lord of Evil… has made it back – and just in time for you all to see PennyLord kick the sorriest of backsides of Barry. Barry… as I said out in Sicily… this is the end of the line for you my friend. I know that the non PennyLord side of me…



Suddenly Pennywise cuts in, in Allton’s head – of course, no-one but Allton can hear him.



Pennywise: NON PENNYLORD SIDE?!!



Allton: Well, I can’t wear the clown get up 24/7 can I?



Pennywise: AND WHY NOT?



Allton: Look, can we talk about this later?!



Vincenzo: Uh...Boss?



Allton: **Ahem** Excuse me. I know that usually, I’m gentlemanly and polite but PennyLord brings out -



Allton pauses



Allton: ….Another side of me. But this time Barry… I am one...with… heh. Myself. Vinnie… take over.



Allton wheels himself away leaving Vincenzo and Tank a little dumbfounded. Still, Vincenzo shrugs it off and continues.



Vincenzo: What the Boss is trying to say Barry – I think – is that all your Wills better be in order, because in your match later? You’re not only gonna lose your title, you’ll be lucky to even survive. Which…rather nicely brings me to our match tonight.



Vincenzo gestures between himself and Tank.



Vincenzo: Malvado brothers, S.E.X. and -



Vincenzo and Tank share a smirk.



Vincenzo: …….Wrath of the Storm.



Vincenzo snickers.



Vincenzo: If you boys – and girl, I guess – seriously think that you’re gonna win the TLC match later on, shit! You couldn’t be more wrong if you fuckin’ tried! The Big Guy and I? We’re killers – and it just so happens that we’ve already dug your graves for after the show. Show ‘em Big Man.



Tank wanders out of shot and returns seconds later with a muddy shovel.



Vincenzo: THIS IS YOUR FATE AFTER THE MATCH! WE WALK OUT AS THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS AND YOU SIX?



Vincenzo points to the shovel. Suddenly there is a shrill scream as PennyLord hurtles into shot and heads straight towards the camera just like Pennywise does when he’s chasing the Loser Club.



PennyLord: How funny it is that you two face six little humans and I face one! That equals seven! You might even call them the…..LOSER CLUB! Six boys…one girl. It’s almost...storybook! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!



PennyLord smacks the camera, making it fall and smash as we head back to Zybala and Dean.




Dean: Ugh. I hate that I have to see the clown later. He needs a new gimmick.

Zybala: Let's just focus on our next match huh? Take it away Belvedere!

ANDY MEMORIAL BATTLE ROYALE

Belvedere: The following match is a Battle Royale to determine the first ever Streaming Services Champion! The rules are two people will enter and will be joined by other wrestlers at random intervals because Dean thought it would be more exciting that way. You are eliminated when you get tossed over the top rope and both feet touch the grass. I have been informed that my services are not needed for this match so I will go join James Raven in the living room to watch Downton Abbey.


~ Belvedere then exits the ring and heads into the house. The inflatable screen lights up with a giant number ten. We start the countdown. Yes, we're gonna do a count down right off the bat. Whateva, we do what we want at Outsiders. The Yardies countdown with the clock and cheer when the buzzer sounds. "Down With The Sickness" plays over the speakers and out walks Hades! Boos fill The Yard as The Lord of the Underworld makes his way to the ring, trying to look as imposing and mysterious as possible. He slides in the ring and waggles his tongue at the crowd...for some reason. The music stops and the countdown begins again. Zero is reached and the buzzer goes off before "Enter Sandman'' by Metallica begins to play. Hades is shocked The Yardies cheer as Zeus makes his way out of the house; a few drunk fans actually bow to the "god". Zeus nods in approval before heading to the ring. He rolls in, climbs to the second rope and poses before smugly turning to face his opponent. Zeus's smile leaves his face when he sees Hades. The music stops and we can hear the brothers cursing Poseidon's name for his trickery. The bell rings. ~


Zybala: By the luck of the draw, The Greek Gods start us off in The Andy Memorial Battle Royale.

Dean: Though these fools seem to think they have to fight. They're protesting!!


~ Zeus and Hades are yelling to anyone who will listen that this is rigged. A fan shouts "IN YOUR FAVOR!" which stuns and confuses the brothers. They roll under the bottom rope, still in the match, and walk over to the fan who yelled. They demand that the mortal explain. We can see the guy walk them through the whole "they don't have to fight, just wait for the next guy to double team" strategy. The Greek Gods finally get it, thank the fan and return to the ring. They start flexing for the crowd, thinking they look like Arnold Schwarzenegger, but we know their physique is more like Hey Arnold. They stop posing when the countdown begins once again. The buzzer sounds.

The speakers come alive with a power metal cord starting to play. "Gotta Catch Em All" by PowerGlove hits the speakers as The Yardies.......mummer? Talking amongst themselves is more like. Nobody shows interest in Soot Losem as he makes his way to the ring. Some even mock his fanny pack, calling him a Tony the Spider ripoff. He hops up on the apron, slips through the ropes and into the ring. The. Gods look at him like he's no threat. They're about to go on the attack when the screen lights up and the countdown starts again. The Yardies are confused but count anyways. ~


Dean: That was fast.

Zybala: That's the beauty of random intervals, buddy. Nobody knows when the next person is coming out.

Dean: Something you'll only find in Outsiders! Classic OCW, baby!


~ The buzzer goes off and War's "Low Rider" hits the speakers. The Yardies cheer as Paco stumbles out of the house, holding a bottle of tequila. He is drunkenly singing along to the music as he walks to the ring. He tries to get in but is a little too drunk. Zybala gets up and helps the old timer. After a few tries, Paco finally gets in the ring to a huge pop. The music stops and The Gods look like they're going to attack when Paco raises the tequila bottle high. ~


Paco: FOR ANDY!!

Greek Gods: FOR ANDY!!!

Losem:..... Who's Andy???


~ The crowd boos as Zeus, Hades, and Paco stare at Losem in shock! Paco is so appalled by the lack of class, that he drops his bottle. He stares in horror as the bottle hits the mat and the tequila seeps out onto the canvas. He then glares at Losem before telling The Gods to "get him." The three then gang up on Losem, punching and kicking him into a corner. Zeus is hitting Losem with Lighting Bolt chop after Lighting Bolt as Paco and Hades hold him in the corner. The crowd is loving this because who doesn't know and appreciate Andy? Zeus stops chopping as they pull Soot out of the corner. Hades caresses his cheek before delivering a somewhat effective back hand (Temptation). Paco, with the help of The Gods, lifts Losem on his shoulders and gives him an old school airplane spin! The fans count out the rotations. Paco stops at 8 before setting Soot down. Both men stumble on their feet as Zeus runs up with a big boot! Well, he tries. He ends up booting Soot right in the dick!

Soot bends over, cupping his bits, as Hades grabs his head and puts it between his legs. With the help of his brother, he lifts up Soot and drops him with a piledriver! Losem is out on the mat and the fans as Paco tries climbing up the turnbuckle. He only makes it to the first one, mostly due to his age and drunken state. He yells at Zeus and Hades to drag Losem closer. When they do, Paco leaps…. jumps…… no…. that's not right…. He falls. That's it. Paco falls off the bottom turnbuckle and lands a "diving" headbutt onto the prone Losem to a huge cheer! The cheer gets louder when the buzzer goes off. Everyone was enjoying watching Soot get his ass kicked, that they didn't notice the timer.

"Niggaz Jump Up" get played on YouTube and out comes the most ghetto, thug-tastic looking sadness you will ever see in your life, carrying a 40h The crowd boos as this scrawny white boy wobbles to the ring dressed in the most stereotypical whiteboy "thug" get up imaginable. Guy Cashe stumbles a few times before he finally gets in the ring and acts as if he is getting cheered. He winks at some random lady in the crowd, who smiles and blushes?!?! Someone finds him attractive?? Guy looks even cockier as he leans against the ropes. ~


Zybala: What a surprise! Guy Cashe hasn't been in The Yard since September of last year.

Dean: I heard he was in jail for trying to sell pot, but it was really oregano.

Zybala: I don't doubt that for a second.


~ Paco and The Greek Gods stop beating up Losem and turn their attention to Cashe. They ask him what HE thinks of Andy. Cashe grins as he says "Andy was a straight G, yo." Paco gets angered by this and goes to attack Cashe, but is stopped by Hades and Zeus, who explain that a G is a good thing. Paco looks confused, but is assured by The Gods. Paco shrugs and invites Cashe to help in the beatdown. Cashe eagerly joins as he starts stomping away at Soot as a loud "ANDY'' chant fills The Yard. Cashe stops and drags Soot up before shouting "Anybody Got A Dollar?!" This gets a huge pop as Guy sets Losem uo for the powerbomb!

Guy tries to lift Soot, but fails. He tries and fails again. Hades and Zeus go over to help and the three of them manage to get Soot up. Losem gets dropped with the weakest version of The Shield's triple powerbomb you have ever seen, but The Gods and Cashe act like they destroyed Losem. They all start talking shut to their downed opponent, but stop when Guy says "That's for Will, mo'fucka!!" Guy then turns to face the brothers who attack him without a word! Guy tries to fend them off but he trips backwards over a downed Paco; who is laying on the ground. The drinking and airplane spin was a bit too much for him, so he needed to lay down for a bit. Cashe falls next to Paco, only to be quickly lifted back up and ejected over the top rope! Guy crashes hard to the grass! Mitch, with a microphone in hand, runs over to confirm the elimination. ~


Mitch: Guy Cashe has been eliminated!


Dean: Surprising, considering how he was cool with The Gods a second ago.

Zybala: That's because Guy said the beatdown was for Will. Don't get me wrong; Will is a great guy. However, this is the ANDY Memorial Battle Royale.

Dean: They DO know he's not dead, right?

Zybala: Some do. But if it makes the others fight harder, why correct them?


~ The fans cheer when Guy is eliminated, and cheer even louder when the clock pops back up. Everyone shouts the countdown and cheers for the buzzer! "Sesame Street Love Song" by The Neverland Rancheros starts to play. No one comes out of the house and people murmur in confusion. Lurrr lets out a huge, excited cheer as he kicks over what has got to be a 24 pack of empty beer cans. There seems to be just as many unopened one. Lurrr shoves Will Gardner to his feet. Will tries to sit back down, but Lurrr stands up next to him and gives him a pep talk, more likely bullying him to get in the ring. The man is such a bad influence. Whether it's the booze coursing through his system or Lurrr's silvery tongue, Will finally agrees to join the match! As he makes his way to the ring. Thames rushes over and tells Will to sit back down. He then tells Lurrr not to hack the Bluetooth speakers. Gardner sits down, looking relieved as Lurrr looks like someone shit in his cereal.


Zybala: Thank God for our head of security, Lucas Thames. He stopped what could have been a potential lawsuit!

Dean: Someone should keep an eye on Lurrr. I don't doubt that he's done trying to get that writer to do bad things.


Zeus and Hades, who stopped to see this hubbub, go back to kicking the crap out of Losem. That is until Nickleback's "Hero" hits the speakers. The Yardies go ballistic as The Uber-Man steps out of the house! He runs to the ring and immediately starts punching away on The Greek Gods. These two are picking on the defenseless Soot in his eyes, and a hero always protects the weak. Uber whips Zeus into the ropes and scoops him on the rebound. Uber drops Zeus with a weak spinebuster, but it's Zeus; he acts like Arn Anderson just dropped him. Hades tries to get the jump on Uber-Man, who catches his fist, lifts the god, and drops him with the (world's strongest slam) Uber-Slam!! Uber-Man looks down at the downed god's and strikes heroic poses as The Yardies eat it up. They cheer the superhero as he panders to them. ~


Zybala: Our former world champ is clearing house tonight!

Dean: He only took out The Greek Gods…

Zybala: Yeah, the Greek GODS! Uber-Man is proving why he is our only triple crown champion in Outsider's history!

Dean: I'm not knocking the sucka's skill. I know he can go. I'm just saying it don't take much to take out those skinny fucks.


~ Uber is so busy posing that he doesn't notice Paco is getting to his feet. Paco picks up the tequila bottle and smashes it over the hero's head. Uber falls to the mat and Paco celebrates like he won! Be starts singing "We Are The Champions'' in Spanish, ignoring the countdown of the fans and the buzzer of the clock. He does stop singing when "Italian Mafia" by Sicilian Heart begins to play, and The Impasta Mafia steps out from the house! Manni Cotti, Al Fredo, and Link Greenie make their way down, with Greenie wearing a flamboyant green suit, while the others are in proper wrestling gear. They head into the ring, ignoring the boos from the audience here in The Yard. They circle the ring as a drunk Paco tells them to bring it on!

The Mafia all climb on the apron, poised to attack. They get in the ring and start to jump Paco! Paco gives as good as he gets as he fights back, nailing Manni with a right fist. Manni staggers back but Greenie and Fredo step in, hitting Paco with punches and kicks. The Mafia backs Paco into a corner and continues to pick apart the older man. The fans boos as Paco's resistance is getting weaker and weaker as he takes the beating. The Greek Gods push themselves off of the mat and see their new buddy getting attacked. They pull Greenie away and start forcing him towards the ropes. Fredo hits Paco one last time before going to help his partner. The two teams struggle against the ropes, trying to throw each other out of the ring. The countdown starts anew and the buzzer sounds. and everyone turns to see who's coming next. ~

Everyone Knows I'm Hog Wild!!"

~ The crowd lets out a surprised cheer as Aaron Warthog stomps out of the back to the Hank Williams Jr entrance. The heavyweight stops on the stage, jutting his chin out as he faces the audience. He then starts down to the ring, pounding on his stomach along the way, ready for another brawl. He stomps down to the ring and starts brawling with Al Fredo! The two exchange lefts and right battling into the corner. Zeus and Hades double team Greeni with a double Suplex! When Greeni's back hits the mat, they hop up and act like they won the lottery. They spot Warthog fight Fredo and call the big guy a creature of Poseidon! They go over and help Fredo. As strong as Warthog has been lately, even he can't fight three people at once. They overpower him and force him from the ring, though it was through the ropes; so Warthog has not been eliminated. GreenI has recovered and he blind sided Zeus with a forearm to the back of the head. Zeus stumbles forward before turning around to brawl with
Greeni. Hades looks at Fredo and decks him, despite working together no more than a moment ago. The two teams start duking it out as the countdown starts again.

The buzzer buzzes and The Yardies cheer as "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" by The Boogers begins to play! The croad cheers louder as Tony The Spider walks out of the house!! He's got a shopping cart with him, as he starts down the aisle. He stops along the way, talking to fans and trying to peddle his wares. His cart is full of old GCWA and OCW merchandise. Who knows how he came about this stuff. My best bet is that it wasn't legal means. The wrestlers in the ring pay him no notice as they are still too busy trying to toss each other out of the ring. ~


Zybala: Business is about to pick up now! Tony is a former GCWA Television champion and he's no stranger to The Yard either.

Dean: The Spider is an odds on favorite to win this one. People are saying he's using this match as a way to get Alex Quagmire to accept his challenge.

Zybala: Alessandro Quagliaterre.

Dean: Bless you.


~ Tony has finished selling his stuff as he pockets the money before he pushes the cart to ringside. He pushes it on his side and uses it to get in the ring. Tony steps through the ropes and starts fighting with both The Gods and The Mafia. Tony starts hitting everyone with his trademark Spider Bite punches! Zeus and Hades bravely run away and go check on Paco as Tony takes the fight to Fredo and Greenie! Warthog gets back into the ring and everyone stops what they're doing. They realize that the big man is the biggest problem. Tony, The Mafia, and The Gods all attack Warthog. Memphis Belle's betrothed tries to fight valiantly, but cannot overcome the six on one assault. They push the big man towards the ropes and try to lift.

With much struggle, they get Aaron over the top rope, but he doesn't fall to the grass. He is laying on the apron, holding onto the bottom rope for dear life! Tony and The Greek Gods work at pushing him as The Impasta Mafia work on pulling his arms off the ropes. The fans boo when their efforts are a success as the group pries Warthog from the ropes and pushes him off of the ring! The fans cheer even though Mitch hasn't made the call yet. The camera runs around to see why and we at home see Warthog laying on top of Tony's shopping cart, feet dangling above the grass! ~


Dean: Warthog is one lucky sumbitch right now!

Zybala: If Tony hadn't used the cart to get in the ring earlier, Aaron would be gone from the match.


~ Warthog decides to just lay on the cart for a bit. Everyone goes back to fighting each other. Tony resumes his fight with Greenie as the Gods go back to check on Paco. Fredo tries to help Greenie, but Tony bear hugs him and lifts him in the Spider Roll!! When they stop spinning, Tony pushes Fredo out of the way, takes off his fanny pack and hits Greenie in the head with it! With his opponent stunned, Tony lifts Greenie up over the top rope! Greenie lands feet first on the apron and is holding on to the top rope! Tony is trying to push him off but Manni Cotti comes from behind to help his teammate. He low blows Tony, and hoists him over the top rope; right on top of Greenie!! Mitch is there in a flash as The Yardies boo and cheer as both Tony and Greenie fall to the grass. ~


Mitch: Tony the Spider and Link Greenie have been eliminated!


Dean: Greenie was tossed out by his own partner!

Zybala: Was it by accident or did Manni take advantage of the situation?


~ Greenie starts yelling at Cotti for tossing him out. Cotti yells back that it was an accident. Cotti then gets tossed over the ropes by the Uber-Man! Cotti lands on the apron and Link reaches up to keep him from falling, Uber tries to push him down, but he gets grabbed from behind and spun around by Al Fredo! Fredo hits Uber with a couple of knees to the stomach, then whips him towards the corner. As Uber-Man hits chest first, Fredo comes in from behind, nailing Uber with a forearm shot to the back! He strikes away at Uber, trying to keep the triple crown champ in the corner. Uber is able to turn things around however, getting Fredo in the corner instead and allowing Uber to ram his shoulder into Fredo's gut a few times.

Fredo drops to his butt in the corner and Uber turns to face Cotti, who has stepped back into the ring. Cotti charges at Uber, but the hero side steps and Cotti runs right into Zeus! The two collide and fall to the mat! They start fighting in a way much akin to a ECW cat fat as Uber sets his sights on Hades who has been watching Uber-Man kick ass. Hades tries to back away, but Uber gives chase. Hades slides under the ropes and out of the ring. Uber slides under and gives chase! They run around the ring like a weird game of tag and Hades runs into a huge Stampede from a recovering Warthog! Aaron spears Hades to the ground and as he is pushing himself up, gets a Shining Wizard courtesy of Uber-Man! Hades and Warthog are down and Uber picks the easier choice of who to try to roll back in the ring. Hades gets pushed into the ring and Uber follows. He is about to grab the god to toss him out when he gets distracted by the clock and buzzer. ~


Dean: I can't wait to see who's coming out next!

Zybala: I honestly thought that this was all the people. Not many signed up for this.

Dean: That makes it an even bigger surprise. Unless Lurrr is up to his shit again.


~ Thames hears this and eyeballs Lurrr and Gardner, who are on their probably 20th beer apiece. "Forever Young'' by Alphaville starts playing and Alice walks out which causes The Yard to explode with cheers! No one expected this! She walks to ring to a symphony of HOOTS. She rolls in the ring and HOOTS herself a few times before turning to face the only man standing in the ring at the moment; The Uber-Man! These two have such a history. A will they, won't they story that's stronger and more interesting than Ross and Rachel!! The two get face to face with each other and just stare at the music keeps playing. Everyone waits with bated breath, not sure what will happen. Suddenly, Uber-Man wraps his arms around Alice in an embrace to which she reciprocates! Everyone cheers as these two star crossed lovers start slow dancing in the ring like it's prom night! Alice has her head against Uber-Man's shoulder as he looks like this is the greatest moment of his life. Not since Macho Man and Miss Elizabeth has there been such emotion in the ring. Yardies are crying, Lurrr is drunk and Will is taking notes! A new book idea perhaps? However, all good things must come to an end. The music stops when Zeus, Al Fredo and Manni Cotti rush over and push the couple over the top rope! Boos rain down as Mitch quickly goes over to make the call.


Mitch: Alice Knight and The Uber-Man have been eliminated!


~ The boos get louder when this is made official. Zeus then turns to realize he is in a two on one situation. He looks everywhere for Hades, who is slowly recovering from getting speared with The Stampede earlier. Zeus smiles and starts backing away as he tries to over godly boons to The Impastas. They ignore this as they go on the attack! Fredo and Cotti drive Zeus back into the ropes with punch after punch! Zeus's back eventually touches the rope and a look of real panic cones over his face! The Mafia starts to lift Zeus up, but stops when an arm comes up between Fredo's legs! Fredo falls to the mat, holding the family jewels as Cotti turns around to see Paco consciousness once more!

Paco starts drunkenly yelling "For Andy!" to which Zeus replies in kind. The two start working over Cotti. The whip him into the ropes and lift him up for a double Flapjack! Cotti bounces off of the mat as Paco and Zeus look pleased with themselves. Back over to Hades and Warthog, who have finally recovered enough on the outside of the ring. They crawl back into the ring as Hades runs over to his brother. Zeus doesn't see him though, and when Hades puts an arm around Zeus's shoulders, he responds by grabbing the arm and whipping the person into the ropes! Hades bounces back and stops himself with hands up, yelling at Zeus to calm down. Zeus looks aghast at the fact that he almost eliminated his brother! The two men hug a godly embrace of apology and look for the next mortal to eliminate.

Paco, still drunk, starts calling The Gods "his boys." He looks at Zeus, calling him "Hector" and tells him to go after Fredo, who is still down from the uppercut between the legs. Zeus shrugs as the trio go over to Fredo. Paco tells "Victor" (Hades) to watch their back as he and Zeus lift Fredo up and try pushing him over the top rope. They manage to get him on top of the rope, but Fredo clings to the top rope like a monkey in a tree. His legs are wrapped around the top and middle ropes as he holds onto the top. Mitch runs over to watch the action. Paco and Zeus work on trying to pry him loose when Hades pulls Paco out of the way, yelling at Zeus to move! He does in the nick of time as Manni Cotti comes charging in to save his partner. Cotti didn't expect people to move though, and he crashes right into Fredo! The force of Manni running into him jars Fredo loose as he falls to the grass!


Mitch: Al Fredo has been eliminated!


Zybala: Just like that, The Mafia lose another member from this match.

Dean: And like earlier, it's caused by another "accident" from Manni Cotti. He seems to be really clumsy when it comes to helping his teammates.

Zybala: Who knows, Dean. It could just be an accident.

Dean: Mmmmhhm. Suuuuure…


~ Cotti looks mortified as Fredo hits the grass. He turns to see Zeus, Hades and Paco grinning menacingly at him. He also sees Warthog leaning in the corner. Cotti points out the big guy and says that they should take him out first! Paco sees the logic in this and tells "his boys" to get him. Zeus and Hades bravely walk towards Warthog, who burst out of the corner and Stampedes both of The Greek Gods! The Yardies cheer as Zeus and Hades are writhing in pain as Warthog gets to his feet and moves towards Cotti and Paco. They try to double team the big guy, but to no avail. Warthog is weathering the blows and dishing out some hits of his own. A right hand to Paco! A chop to Cotti! A chop now for Paco! Back and forth it goes with Warthog getting the advantage. Paco gets pushed into a corner. Warthog focuses on Cotti, working him over like Vader would do an opponent back in the day. Lefts and rights drive Manni back into the ropes, leaving him bruised and winded.

Warthog is about to lift up Cotti to end his run, but someone hits him in the back with a chair!! Warthog is unphased for some reason and when he turns around he sees why. Soot Losem is there, holding a chair and looking like he's going to wet himself. He raises the chair for another attack and brings it down on top of Warthog's head. Since the Pokemon trainer has never really workout a day in his life, it's not very effective. Warthog grabs the chair out of his hands and throws it from the ring. Before Losem can even react, Warthog lifts him up and tosses him over the top rope, sending him to the grass below! Mitch runs over to make the call. ~


Mitch: Soot Losem has been eliminated!


Dean: Wasn't that sucka already tossed out?

Zybala: You know, I don't remember. I think it was Cashe you're thinking of. I think Soot just hid most of the match.

Dean: He should have stayed hiding.


~ Warthog turns to look for more victims. When he turns, he is nailed with a running kick to the chest, snapping him upwards into the ropes. Manni is standing there stunned that he caught Warthog off guard. He starts pushing at Warthog, trying to force him over the ropes. Paco joins him, landing a running forearm on Warthog. The two then lift the big guy up, despite his struggles, hanging Warthog upside-down over the ropes! Aaron fights desperately, basically hanging on by sheer willpower, wrapping his arms around the lowest rope on the outside while feeling the blood rush to his head. The fans are watching with bated breath as Warthog tries to figure out something, anything, to stay alive one more minute. He looks done for when Cotti goes flying over the top rope, stunning Paco!~


Mitch: Manni Cotti has been eliminated!


~ The fans cheer watching Cotti hit the grass. Paco turns in confusion and sees a tired Zeus and Hades standing there. He starts yelling at The Gods for not eliminating Warthog. Zeus and Hades exchange a look. They've had enough of this drunken mortal. They hoist up Paco and dump him over the top rope! Paco falls to the grass and the gods kick away at Warthog's arms. Eventually the big guy's grasp loosens and the push him off the apron too! Warthog lands next to Paco and Cotti in a heap! ~


Mitch: Paco has been eliminated!


Zybala: Can you believe, Dean-o?! The Greek Gods started at entrants one and two and they ran the gauntlet!

Dean: I wouldn't have believed it if I wasn't watching it. They took out three dudes in less than a minute and now they are fighting for the belt!

Zybala: Who will be our first Streaming Service champion?!


~ Hades and Zeus nod at each other and shake hands. This shall be a brotherly contest of godly strength. The brothers lock up and start struggling against each other, trying to push the other back. So equal is their strength that neither brother gains much ground. The break up, collective themselves, and try again. Once again, neither man can get the upper hand. That is until Hades knees Zeus in the gut! Zeus coughs as he doubles over and Hades sends him into the ropes. Zeus bounces back and shoulder blocks Hades to the mat. Zeus runs at the ropes again and Hades is quick to his feet as he hip tosses Zeus to the mat. Hades drags Zeus backup and body slams him back down! Hades starts stomping away at Zeus, trying to weaken the king of the gods. Feeling like Zeus has had enough, Hades picks him up and starts dragging him to the ropes.

Hades tries to lift Zeus up, but his brother has enough fight left in him to.manage some defense. Hades is getting frustrated and punches Zeus some more. Zeus's grip on the rope weakens and Hades tries to lift him once more. The fans aren't sure who to cheer for as Zeus weakly shoves away his brother. Hades continues the attack only to have Zeus stomp hard on his foot! Hades cries out in pain as he hobbles away from Zeu, who now chargers at his brother! Hades sees it coming and uses Zeus's momentum to push him towards the ropes! Zeus puts the breaks on at the last second and reverses, sending Hades over the top rope! Mitch runs around just in time to see Hades hit the grass hard!!! ~


Mitch: Hades has been eliminated!


Zybala: Zeus did it! Zeus did it!

Dean: Sucka started at number one and won the damn thing. Belvedere! Get out here and announce our new champ!


Zeus is jumping up and down for joy! He doesn't care that he's crying. He has brought honor back to Olympus! The fans cheer in appreciation for his effort. The cheers get louder when Aaron Warthog slides back into the ring and hits Zeus from behind! The god falls to his knees and Warthog quickly grabs him and hits him with a piledriver! Hades looks on in horror as Warthog lifts up Zeus's prone body and heaves him over the top rope at his brother! Hades tries to catch Zeus but gets knocked to his back, Zeus on top of him, feet touching the lawn. Belvedere comes out at this moment and Mitch runs over to him. They talk for a little bit and then Mitch hands Belvedere the microphone. ~


Belvedere: Ladies and gentlemen, Mitch has informed me that when Aaron Warthog was thrown from the ring, he was not eliminated. While his body touched the lawn, his FEET landed on both Paco and Manni Cotti. He then used both men as a stepping stool to get back into the ring. Since the rules of the match stated that both feet must touch the lawn to be out, Warthog was not eliminated! So your winning and first ever Outsiders Streaming Service champion… AARON WARTHOG!!!


~ The Yardies cheer as Warthog celebrates in the ring. Mitch runs up to hand him his new title. It's a nice piece of work with the main plate having an image of a television screen on it with "Outsiders Streaming Service Championship" surrounding it. The side plates have the logos of YouTube. Pluto TV, Roku, and Hulu. Warthog looks at the title with pride as Memphis Belle comes running out of the house. She enters the ring and plants a big kiss on her man. Warthog holds his lady tight and holds the title high above his head. ~


Zybala: What a twist! I thought Zeus had that for sure!

Dean: Being high sure gives Mitch a keen eye. Smart move using Paco and Cotti as a barrier to keep himself in the match.

Zybala: That's the truth. Warthog outlasted the field and survived a few close calls.

Dean: Warthog has won the Andy Memorial Battle Royale.


~ We cut to a few commercials for all of the streaming services that are represented by the new championship. We cut back to The Yard as fans are making their way back to their seats from the bathroom or getting food. ~


Dean: Gotta enjoy those sweet, sweet sponsorships.

Zybala: Yup. You know what else I enjoy? Getting this show on the road. I can't wait to see this next match.

Dean: Me either sucka! TLC time baby! Belvedere! Take it away!

TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP TLC MATCH

S.E.X. vs THE FAMILY vs WRATH OF THE STORM vs THE MALVADOS

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Belvedere: The following match is a Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match for The Outsiders Championship Wrestling Tag Team Titles!!


~ The Yardies let out a loud cheer in anticipation! The cheers turn to boos when…. ~


Speakers: NO SLEEP TIL!


Belvedere: Introducing first…. Hailing from Little Italy, NYC and wherever the hell he pleases, respectively….. Weighing in at a combined weight of 775 pounds…. They are Tank and Vincenzo….THE FAMILY!!


~ The fans continue to boo as Tank and Vincenzo walk out of the house. Vinny taunts them while Tank remains stoic as they make their down the lawn and into the ring. Vince points up at the titles and points to his waist as the boos get louder. Belvedere let's the fans boo for a little bit before continuing. ~


Belvedere: And coming next to the ring... weighing a combined 420 lbs... from El Paso, Texas... Here are Thunder and Lightning... Wrath of the Storm!!


~ The Yardies cheer as "It's Midnight And I'm Not Famous Yet" by Jimmy Buffett begins to play. Thunder and Lightning come out to their newish music, smiling at each other before going into a posing battle, showing off their "muscles" to themselves and the crowd. They then head for the ring. Thunder and Lightning roll under the ropes and shout their traditional battle cry. The music dies down and Belvedere continues. ~


Belvedere: and their opponents….. Hailing from the Starship Desolator….. weighing in at a combined weight of "All the love in the universe".... Representing Sports Entertainment Xpress…. This is Major Helmet and Bug Girl!!!


~ The opening power cord of "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" by The Darkness starts playing as Bug Girl and Major Helmet make their way into The Yard. The duo are holding hands as they walk down the lawn towards the ring. The Yardies are rocking out to the pair's theme song, many of them are drunkenly trying to hit the high notes. They get to the ring and the speakers stop playing, and The Yardies stop singing too. Usually they would continue, but they want to see this match! Belvedere continues. ~


Belvedere: Y sus contrincantes, viniendo de un lugar no en México, con un peso combinado de 400 libras, ellos son sus campeones mundiales en parejas... Hectorrrrr y Victorrr, Los Hermaaaaaaanooos Mal-va-dos!!!!


~ The Yardies are a mix of cheers and boos as The Mariachi Band starts playing their cover of "Si Señor" by Control Machete. The fence swings open and The Malvados drive their low-rider bikes in The Yard, followed by Paco in the car and after failing to get the hydraulics to work, he hops out of the car. He grabs his son's bikes and drags them back out of The Yard. A "CERO ENGLISH" chant follows Hector and Victor as they make their way to the ring. One slides under the bottom rope while the other leaps over the top rope. They each go to a corner jumping onto the second turnbuckle and chant with The Yardies, pumping up the crowd even further. Belvedere exits the ring as the music stops. ~


Zybala: TLC time, baby! These 8 have been causing havoc with their war and it all comes to a head TONIGHT!

Dean: You know it, sucka! The Malvados won the tag belts at the last pay-per-view. Will they continue their undefeated ppv streak, or will we see a new team walk away as champs?

Zybala: Nobody is walking away from this one, partner. Limping away would be more accurate. These Outsiders are gonna demolish each other.

Dean: And we have the best seat in the house to see it!


~ All 8 people are standing in the ring staring at each other. Victor and Hector turn to look at S.E.X. and Wrath of the Storm and nod at them. The Family look a bit confused at this gesture, but it's all made clear when they get attacked by the other six competitors! The fans cheer as Major Helmet and Bug Girl attack Vincenzo and Wrath of the Malvados (see what I did there) gang up on Tank! Vincenzo tries to fight back by punching Helmet in the Helmet, more out of instinct than anything else, and only manages to hurt his hand. Helmet and B.G. have a much easier time hitting Vincenzo's fleshy, exposed head. Tank is fairing no better as he is being attacked by four men. He tries to fight back, pushing away one opponent and swinging a fist at another, but the numbers are too much for him. Unlike the average porn star, Tank cannot handle four men at once.

The Malvados try to press their advantage and set Tank up for a double suplex. They try to lift the big guy, but can't budge Tank's 500 pounds. They try again and still can't lift him an inch. Tank counters and lifts both brothers from the mat, but Thunder and Lightning grab their feet and pull them back down. Wrath then grabs Tank's legs, and tells The Malvados to try again. The Brothers try to lift Tank again, and with Thunder and Lightning lifts up his legs, manage to hoist the giant up! The Yardies cheer as these four men awkwardly hold up Tank for a quadruple suplex! They drop Tank to the mat with a thunderous crash that shakes the ring. They shove Tank under the bottom rope and push him out of the ring and onto the grass below. All four then go to help Bug Girl and Major Helmet attack Vincenzo, who was holding his own against the two S.E.X. members.~


Dean: Smart idea by these suckas. Take out the two biggest guys in the match and then fight each other.

Zybala: Plus The Family has attacked everyone else the most out of all four teams.


~ The six on one beatdown continues as Vincenzo is beat down to the mat. Everyone starts stomping him until Hector notices that Tank has started to get up. He points it out to everyone and the group picks up Vincenzo. They grab him and lift him up over their heads. With surprising coordination, they walk to the ropes and collectively throw Vincenzo at Tank! The giant catches his partner and sets him on the ground. The Family is about to get back in the ring when Bug Girl and Major Helmet step through the ropes and jump on them! They simultaneously catch their smaller opponents, just to have The Malvados dive over the ropes with Double Tequila Shots onto them! S.E.X., The Family and Malvados fall to the grass as The Yardies cheer. The cheers get louder when Thunder and Lightning look at the group, then at each other. They then look at the crowd as Lightning holds up three fingers and does a countdown to zero. ~


Thunder/Yardies: THUNDER!!!

Lightning/Yardies: LIGHTNING!!!


~ Wrath of the Storm gets a huge pop before the tag team runs at the opposite ropes… and slides under them. The crowd boos at the lack of a double team dive, but cheer when Wrath goes under the ring and pulls out a ladder. They both pick it up and slide it in the ring, then slide in after it. Thunder picks up the ladder and sets it up under the titles. Lightning starts to climb as Thunder holds the ladder steady. ~


Zybala: Genius move on the part of Buffet's boys!

Dean: Hells yeah, sucka! Everyone else is on the grass. They are taking advantage of the situation!

Zybala: Lightning better hurry. Hector is getting back in the ring!


~ Lightning stops his climb as he hears Zybala over the speakers (that's how we do commentary in The Yard. Don't be hatin') Lightning tells Thunder to stop him. Thunder runs at Hector and cuts him off at the ropes and the two start fighting. Lightning feels safe and continues his climb. He doesn't notice Bug Girl sliding in the ring from his left side. She runs up behind him and grabs Lightning's ankle as his fingers brush against the bottom of the tag titles. He looks down to see B.G. pulling at his leg. Lightning tries to hold onto the ladder but Major Helmet appears next to his lady love and grabs Lightning's other leg. Vincenzo quickly slides in the ring and runs past Thunder and Hector to the ladder. He starts climbing up the opposite side and quickly reaches the top. He grabs Lightning's head and starts punching it! Between getting punched and getting his legs pulled, Lightning can't hold on and falls to the mat. Vincenzo tries to get the titles, but S.E.X. walks around to his side of the ladder and grabs his legs, trying to pull him down. The three struggle against each other until Tank gets back in the ring. He pulls Bug Girl and Helmet off of Vincenzo. They turn to face him, but he simply grabs both of them by the necks!! With a show of strength, Tank lifts both S.E.X. members up and nails them with a double Fixed Chokeslam!!

The Yardies boo as S.E.X. are temporarily taking out of the equation. Vincenzo turns back to climb the ladder and notices Victor climbing up the other side! He gets to the top and starts trading blows with Vincenzo. Tank walks over Major Helmet's body and grabs Victor's legs. He pulls him off of the ladder and gives him a Fixed Chokeslam too! Lightning and Hector sneak up behind Vincenzo and pull him down from the ladder! They start fighting and Tank turns to see this and sighs. He goes over to help his partner and doesn't see Thunder! Thunder knocks down the ladder, folds it up, and lifts it over his shoulder. He rams the ladder right into Tank's back, stunning the man. Thunder hits Tank again, staggering him forward. Tank holds his back in pain as he turns to face Thunder. Thunder tries to hit Tank one more time, but Tank catches the ladder and yanks it out of Thunder's grasp. Tank throws the ladder out of the ring and starts after Thunder. Thunder turns to try to run, but trips over a crawling Bug Girl and falls to the mat. Before he can be caught, Thunder rolls across the mat and out of the ring. Tank gives up the chase and turns to help Vincenzo, only to be met with a double clothesline from Hector and Lightning! Tank staggers back but doesn't fall. Hector and Lightning try a double dropkick, but Tank still stands, albeit a bit wobbly. The two men back up and charge in for a double spear! They collide with Tank and finally take the huge man off of his feet! Everyone is down or out of the ring! The Yardies are loving this action! ~


Dean: This action is insane! Everyone is down and out and we ain't even hit five fucking minutes into this match yet!!

Zybala: That's how much those tag titles mean to those eight! They're willing to risk life and limb to win!


~ Thunder stands up and looks into the ring. He sees everyone down, but some are starting to stir. Thunder slides under the ring, disappearing from view. The crowd murmurs in confusion but cheer when a chair is pushed out from under the ring. Then another… and another! Next comes a couple of tables on top of each other! Then more chairs! Another table for good measure! A ladder gets pushed out onto the grass! Thunder rolls out from under the ring, grabs a nearby chair and stands up. A hand grabs Thunder by the shoulder, and he whirls around with the chair held high and ready to strike. Lightning screams and holds up his arms defensively. Seeing his partner, Thunder lowers the chair. Lightning grabs a chair for himself, and the duo slides back in the ring. They start hitting everyone with the chairs, not holding back. It's like a disturbing game of Human Whack-A-Mole! Lightning hit Vincenzo in the back so hard, the back of the chair breaks off. Lightning is shocked and investigates the chair. He then turns towards the color commentary table. ~


Lightning: Are all of these plastic?!?

Zybala: You're Goddamned right!! I wasn't gonna pay good money on metal chairs for you guys to dent and ruin them all!

Dean: Them shits still hurt when you hit someone with it! Quit your bitchin'!


~ Lightning shrugs and leaves the ring to get another chair. Thunder leaves too, and grabs a ladder. He slides it back into the ring and climbs up onto the apron, only to be met with a Superkick from a recovered Bug Girl! She grabs the ladder and sets it up under the belts. She starts her climb when Lightning spots her. He drops the chair he grabbed as he runs back to the ring and slides in the ring. Immediately, he gets Cactus Jack clotheslined over the top rope by Major Helmet! Both men fall to the grass and Bug Girl looks worried, but she still climbs. She reaches the top of the ladder and grabs the tag titles! She starts to undo the straps when the ladder is pulled out from under her by Hector!! She hangs onto the titles and dangles in the air. The fans are cheering with anticipation as B.G. hangs from the titles. She hooks an arm in the straps and reaches up with her free hand, trying to release the belts. She doesn't notice that Victor has climbed the turnbuckles and jumps up to grab onto the Ultimate X ropes! He shimmies his way over to Bug Girl and starts kicking at her arms. Bug Girl tries to swing back with her free arm, but Victor just swings out of the way. On the swing back, Victor curls up both legs and kicks them at Bug Girl's arm around the belts. The strain and assault is too much for her and B.G. lets go of the belts and falls to the mat!

Victor keeps shimmying and makes it to the titles. Before he can attempt to get them off, he looks down to see Tank pulling at his feet. Tank gives him a rare smile as he gives Victor's legs a hard pull, dragging him down! As Victor falls, Tank quickly grabs him into position and nails him with The Terrell Bomb! Victor crashes to the mat with a thud as the fans boo Tank. Tank pays them no mind as he unceremoniously kicks Victor out of the ring. He turns to look for a ladder and finds one as it smashes into his face! Tank reels back in pain as he brings his hands to his face. Tank looks between his fingers to see Hector holding up the ladder on his shoulders. Hector starts to spin around like he's a helicopter blade, swinging the ladder with him! Everyone that was in the ring gets out to avoid getting smashed by the ladder, and they regroup with their partners. Vincenzo is checking to see if Tank's nose is broken, Thunder and Lightning are making a game plan, as Bug Girl and Major Helmet wearily eye everyone. Hector puts down the ladder and checks on his brother. ~


Zybala: We got a stalemate on our hands, Dean-O.

Dean: Fo'sho Z-man. None of these suckas can keep an advantage. As soon as one team gets the upper hand, another slaps it down.

Zybala: We knew it would be crazy. Nobody wants to make a mistake and give up a crucial advantage.

Dean: And Bug Girl is about to cut a bitch! She's got a knife!


~ More of a box cutter, really. But Bug Girl does indeed pull a blade out of her pocket. She extends the blade and everyone backs up, even though they're nowhere near her. They don't know if alien bitches be crazy. Even the Major looks shocked. He is about to question his girlfriend when she walks over to the low-rider. Bug Girl looks at The Malvados, who look back in confusion. She brings the box cutter towards the bumper and Hector starts screaming "NOOO!", realizing what she has in mind. Bug Girl begins to cut the duct tape holding the bumper to the car! Victor and Hector both run towards the car, but it's too late. As soon as they reach the low-rider, the bumper hits the grass with a soft thud. Hector cries out in agony as Victor glares at Bug Girl with hate in his eyes. He's hating her so much that he doesn't notice Major Helmet sneaking up with a chair. Helmet gets behind Victor and blasts him in the back with the chair! Victor cries out in pain and drops to his knees.

Helmet is about to use the chair again but stops when he gets kicked between the legs by Hector! Bug Girl screams in protest only to get attacked from behind by Thunder! While those two brawl, Hector moves over to his brother and helps him to his feet. The Malvados then look at Major Helmet when Victor gets an idea. He reaches into the car, and pulls a switch, opening the trunk. They then grab Helmet, and throw him in the trunk before slamming it shut! By this time, The Family and Lightning have made their way over to the car. Bug Girl pushes Thunder away and makes her way to the trunk, trying to help Helmet. Thunder goes over to Lightning and they start attacking Tank as The Brothers go after Vincenzo. ~


Dean: And we're back to double teaming The Family!

Zybala: Uh, you wanna rephrase that buddy??


~ At this point, Zybala's phone starts to buzz. He looks down at it for a moment before rolling his eyes. ~


Dean: Everything good?

Zybala: Yeah. Apparently Mack O'Connor is watching and texted me about your comment smelling like incest.

Dean: Coulda phrased it better, I guess..

Zybala: Yeah… But back to the action!! It looks like The Malvados are looking for Rompe Cabeza!

Dean: Or for a English speaking suckas…… BRAIN BUSTAAA!!


~ The Malvados have hooked Vincenzo for a double suplex and start to lift him. He tries to fight it off, but The Brothers manage to lift him up and drop him on the grass head first! "CERO ENGLISH!" fills The Yard as the fans cheer for the tag champs! As he stands up, Hector grabs the nearby bumper and whacks Tank in the leg! He drops to one knee as Victor joins Thunder and Lightning in beating down Tank. Hector yells at them to move as he raises the bumper high. The trio move as Hector brings down the bumper right on top of Tank's head! The big man falls as blood starts to trickle down his head. Lighting then rips the bumper away from Hector and tosses it to the side. The Malvados start fighting with Wrath of the Storm as Thunder and Victor brawl towards the ring, while Hector and Lightning fight near the car. The fans are loving the action! Bug Girl is trying to open the trunk as Vincenzo crawls across the grass towards the house. He shakily gets to his feet, still feeling the effects of the Rompe Cabeza, and opens the sliding door. He walks into the house. ~


Zybala: Vincenzo just left The Yard! Maybe that brain buster was too much for him?

Dean: Maybe he's gotta use the shitter? When nature calls, you gotta answer that phone.


~ A moment later, Vince walks out of the house holding a roll up duct tape. He stumbles over to Hector and Lightning, and donkey punches Hector in the back of the head with the duct tape roll in his fist! Hector falls to his knees and Lightning faces Vincenzo and gives a weak smile as he holds up his arms, not looking to fight. Vincenzo returns the smile and turns to leave. Lightning looks relieved and starts kicking away at Hector, until Vince turns around and boots Lightning in the gut! Vince grabs Lightning in a double underhook and drops with The Larossia DDT! Lightning is out, but Vincenzo isn't done with him. Vincenzo stands up, and drags Lightning up with him. He wraps his hand around Lightning's neck, lifts him up, and Chokeslams him through the low-rider's windshield!! The Yardies explode with "HOLY SHIT" chants as Lightning lays out cold in the shattered glass. Vincenzo looks around The Yard for his next target as Hector tries to crawl to the ring.

Vincenzo smiles and stalks Hector as he gets closer to the ring. Hector reaches the edge and uses the apron to pull himself up when Vincenzo hip checks him into the ring. Hector falls to the grass and yelps in pain as he rolls away, brushing at his arm. Curious, Vincenzo looks at the spot where Hector was and then grins sinisterly. He shouts out "Crabgrass!" before grabbing Hector and scoops him up. Hector is shouting "NO!" in Spanish, but Vincenzo isn't listening. He body slams his shirtless opponent onto the prickly weeds! Hector screams as the fans boo at Vincenzo's heartless nature. ~


Dean: I thought you said you mowed the lawn!

Zybala: I did!! I just mowed around the crab grass.

Dean: You're a cruel man.

Zybala: What?! It's not like I left fiberglass laying around…… I'll be right back….


~ Zybala moves to leave the table, but Dean grabs his shoulder and forces Zybala back in his chair. ~


Dean: Man, sit yo' ass down!


~ Zybala pouts a little but stays put. Vincenzo grabs a nearby table and sets it up. He then grabs Hector and puts him on the table before punching him a few times for good measure. Hector is laying still and Vincenzo grabs the roll of duct tape he brought out earlier. He starts taping Hector to the table! He doesn't skimp out on using the tape either. He rolls it under the table and over Hector over and over. He's got a good rhythm and pace going as he is rendering Hector helpless. Hector struggles and tries to muscle out, but it's no use. ~


Zybala: Fucking brilliant!!

Dean: Damn right! Vinny is taking out an opponent in a smart way.

Zybala: And Hector won't be going anywhere. That's Gorilla brand duct tape!


~ While Vince is busy with Hector, Thunder and Victor are still fighting. They've made their way into the ring and grabbed a ladder along the way. It's set up under the belts as Thunder throws Victor over the top rope then quickly runs to the ladder. He is so focused on the climb that he didn't notice that Victor landed on his feet on the apron. Victor gets back in the ring and hops on the ladder, climbing up the opposite side of Thunder! The Yardies are going nuts as Victor and Thunder climb the ladder to the titles. They meet at the top and start slugging away at each other with hard punches. While they are trading blows, a bloody, weakened Tank rolls slowly into the ring. Using the ropes for help, Tank pulls himself to his feet and moves to the ladder. He starts shaking it and Victor and Thunder stop fighting. They plead with Tank to stop, but he ignores them as he pushes the ladder over! Thunder is crotched on the top rope and Victor falls right out of the ring, landing hard on the grass! ~


Dean: This is Tank's moment! Everyone else is still down! Bug Girl is still trying to open the trunk of the low rider to free Helmet and Lightning is still out cold after being thrown through the windshield!

Zybala: Victor and Thunder aren't getting up any time soon, either. Plus Vincenzo is still taping Hector to the table. Tank has a clear shot to win!


~ Hearing Zybala, Vincenzo looks up into the ring and cheers as he sees Tank setting up the ladder he pushed his opponents from. The Yardies are a mix of cheers and boos, some of them warming up to Tank for his efforts this match. Making sure it's steady first, Tank starts his slow climb to the top, obviously weak from blood loss. As he climbs, the speakers kick on and the crescendo of Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" starts playing and the crowd goes wild. Zybala swears as he looks at his laptop and sees nothing on the screen. Someone has hacked the Bluetooth function of the speakers! Tank gets to the top and looks around to see if he's in the clear. He looks at Vincenzo cheering him and giving him the thumbs up. Tank then sees Hector taped to the table and hears the music. Something comes over Tank as he stands on the very top of the ladder. In a move defying gravity and his size, Tank LEAPS from the ladder just as Celine belts out the "YOU'RE HERE" part. Time seems to slow down as Tank flies through the air with a frog splash that would have made Eddie Guerrero jealous. Hector screams in terror as he sees this giant man falling towards him! The fans go wild when Tank crashes down on Hector, breaking the table and most likely Hector! Chants of "HOLY SHIT!" fill The Yard as Tank and Hector lay in a heap of broken tables and bodies as Vincenzo is staring in shock. There is a legitimate dent in the grass and dirt from the impact!! ~


Dean: HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!

Zybala: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!? TANK JUST MURDERED HECTOR!!

Dean: Jesus Christ! And Hood called us the bathroom break portion of this joint show.

Zybala: Fucking A! You don't see Bifford leaping from ladders like that, especially with such grace and fluidity! Christ, that was a beautiful frog splash!


~ Vincenzo is making sure that Tank is okay before he looks around The Yard. Everyone looks like they're still down. He pats Tank on the back before running into the ring. The fans boo as Vincenzo grabs the ladder, stands it up under the titles and starts to climb. Rung by rung, he makes his way up the ladder. Vince gets close to the top and reaches up, but only brushes the titles with his finger tips. He tries to take another step up the ladder, but The Yardies cheer as a hand grabs his ankle. Vincenzo looks down and sees Thunder holding onto him. Vincenzo starts kicking at Thunder with his free leg as he tries to climb up the ladder to stop Vince. Luck is on Vincenzo's side as he manages to catch Thunder in the nose! Thunder releases Vincenzo's leg and falls back to the mat holding his now bloody nose.

Vincenzo turns back to the tag belts. He reaches up once more to grab them when a large object smacks him in the face! He staggers back from the impact and falls off the ladder! He lands hard on the mat and laying next to him is a helmet! Outside of the ring stands Bug Girl and Major Helmet, who is now helmetless. The Yardies cheer as S.E.X. enters the ring and starts hitting everyone they can! Major Helmet grabs his helmet and starts beating Thunder with it while Bug Girl folds up the ladder, lifts it above her head and slams it down on top of Vincenzo! Helmet puts his helmet back on before climbing the turnbuckles. He calls out for Bug Girl to move before he leaps off with Major Headache! He hits Vincenzo's exposed head with the devastating flying headbutt! B.G. follows suit as she climbs the ropes and jumps off, hitting the ladder with the Squash You double foot stomp, crushing Vincenzo's chest with the ladder and her weight! A "SEX!" chant raises from the crowd as The Yardies cheer on the aliens.

Bug Girl pushes the ladder off of Vincenzo, and with Helmet's help, pushes The Family member out of the ring. They see Victor trying to free Hector from the tape and table, Tank barely moving next to them. Girl and Helmet turn their attention to Thunder crawling on the mat, asking ring side fans for napkins for his nose. Being the swell guy he is, Major pulls a handkerchief from his pocket and offers it to Thunder. Thunder takes it with a thanks before looking up and seeing the S.E.X. members smiling deviously down at him. Thunder has an "Oh Shit" look on his face. As S.E.X. moves to attack, one of the plastic chairs explodes on the back of Major Helmet's helmet! The force knocks the Major down and Bug Girl turns to see an exhausted looking Lightning! Blood drips down from his back from being thrown through the windshield. He tosses the remains of the chair to the side and breathing heavily, tells Bug Girl to bring it. This garners a huge pop from The Yardies. ~


Dean: How the fuck is that sucks still walking?! He was chokeslammed through a gotdamn windshield!!

Zybala: None of these guys are going to quit, Dean-o! It's more than just the belts on the line. After all the backstage attacks and shit talking, nobody wants to lose this.

Dean: Does anyone really want to lose anything?

Zybala: Yes. Weight, debt, and annoying exes.


~ Lightning and Bug Girl lock up. They struggle against each other for a while. Lightning did not anticipate this alien strength to come from a petite lady. She whips Lightning into the ropes and ducks down, looking for a backdrop. Lightning bounces off the ropes and hops over her and hits the other ropes. Bug Girl stands up only to get clotheslined in the back of the head! She falls face first to the mat and Lightning drops an elbow on her back, finishing The Lightning Bolt combo! Thunder sees Bug Girl down and with the grace of a 5 year old, somersaults towards her and hits a very ungraceful Rolling Thunder on B.G., driving the air from her lungs!! Bug Girl is coughing horribly as she rolls out of the ring to catch her breath. Thunder pops up to his feet and stands next to Lightning. The Yardies cheer in anticipation. They know what's next. Thunder is about to shout his name when a table slides in the ring, hitting his ankle. He looks out of the ring and sees a smiling Hector.

He waves at Wrath of the Storm when they both get hit from behind with a ladder, courtesy of Victor! The fans boo about the shout being cut off as Victor sets up the ladder in the corner as Hector slides in the ring. He throws Lightning out of the ring before setting the table up in the middle of the ring. He drags Thunder up and places him on the table, then grabs a ladder of his own. Like his brother, Hector climbs up the turnbuckles after propping up the ladder in the corner. A buzz of anticipation fills the air as Hector and Victor in opposite corners grab their ladders, before pointing at each other. ~


Hector: HECTOR!!

Victor: VICTOR!!


~ The Yardies boo at this blatant mockery. The Malvados then push off the turnbuckles, and they fall forward, ladders first, towards Thunder lying on the table. The ladders crash hard on top of Thunder, driving him through the table!! The fans go nuts with mixed chants of "OUT-SIDE-ERS!!!" and "HOLY SHIT!!!", but when Victor and Hector slowly stand up from the wreckage, one chant overtakes them all… ~


Yardies: CERO ENGLISH!! (clap clap clapclapclap!) CERO ENGLISH!! (clap clap clapclapclap!)


Dean: Holy Shit sucka!! These mother fuckers ARE trying to kill each other!

Zybala: That is what it's gonna take. They are all past the point of just wanting to win. Nobody will be happy with a win tonight without absolutely destroying their opponents.

Dean: I don't think these Yardies would accept anything less. Listen to that chanting!

Zybala: They've cheered almost everyone. They respect these Outsiders and want to see a decisive winner!


~ The Malvados are bobbing their heads to the chant. They feel good. This is their moment! Hector starts to grab a ladder, possibly to go for the belts. Victor starts to help, but someone grabs him from behind and spins him around. Victor sees Tank standing there, but doesn't have time to react. Tank boots him in the gut, puts Victor's head between his legs. He quickly lifts him up and drops him with a massive Terrell Bomb onto the ladder that's still on top of Thunder!!! Hector holds up the ladder defensively as Tank turns towards him with a scowl on his face. The scowl turns to confusion, which confuses Hector in turn. The confusion grows as he feels someone pulls his trunks.

While the action was going on in the ring, Vincenzo was out of the ring, recovering from the S.E.X. attack. During this time, he found a small hand shovel and dug up a patch of crabgrass. He kept it on the shovel and waited for his moment. Vince saw Hector staring at Tank and saw that moment. He now slides in the ring, pulls back Hectors tights and places the crabgrass in the trunks! Hector's look of confusion becomes one of pain as he feels the prickly weed on his ass. Hector drops the ladder and starts reaching for his butt, however Vincenzo grabs him around the waist. Vincenzo lifts Hector up, lines up his knee to where he thinks the crabgrass is, and brings him down with an Atomic Drop! Success!! Vince drives his knee right into the weed, digging it deeper into the bare, ass flesh of Hector!! Hector yelps in pain as he stumbles forward, digging into his ass and pulling out clumps of crabgrass! The Yardies cheer in amusement. Hector goes in a corner, leaves the ring and continues to pick out the crabgrass.

Tank picks up the ladder Hector dropped and sets it up over Thunder's body and under the tag belts. Vincenzo walks over and starts to climb when Bug Girl bounces off the ropes into the ring and dropkicks Tank into the ladder! Tank is stunned and Vince just hops off the bottom rung and steadies the ladder. He starts climbing again as Bug Girl steps around Tank to climb the ladder as well. It's a race to the top as B.G. and Vincenzo climb. Tank grabs another ladder and sets it up next to the other one, over Victor's body. He starts climbing up next to Bug Girl, but a recovered Major Helmet gets in the ring and starts climbing up Tank's ladder! The Yardies are cheering as The Family and S.E.X. meet at the top of the ladders. They start punching at each other, with Helmet having a slight advantage with the helmet protecting him. Tank gets angry about this and yanks the helmet off of the Major's head. He throws it out of the ring and for the second time, Helmet's head is exposed and unprotected. Bug Girl smiles briefly at her love's boyish good looks, but a forearm from Vincenzo focuses her. Helmet makes a desperate grab for the belts and gets his hands on one when a few loud cracks are heard. The four look confused before falling to the mat as both ladders break and collapse!! The Yardies cheer and start chanting "HAZARDOUS!!" ~


Zybala: I didn't know you added hazardous ladders to this match??

Dean: I didn't. I bought them shits at a garage sale around the corner. Two bucks a piece! I wasn't gonna buy some expensive Home Depot ladders, sucka!

Zybala: Anything for that bottom line?

Dean: You know it!


~ Sadly for poor Thunder and Victor., when the ladders broke, S.E.X. and The Family fell on top of him. Lightning rolls in the ring and checks on Thunder, who isn't doing good at all. He looks at the other competitors on the ground. The Mariachi Band runs over and starts pulling the broken ladder and table parts that they can. Lightning is happy he doesn't have to do that work, but is upset when there is no ladder to climb. He looks around, wondering what to do, then looks up at the titles. He goes to the turnbuckles and climbs up them. Perched on the top turnbuckle, Lightning looks up, shakes out his arms, and starts taking quick heavy breaths, trying to psyche himself up. Lightning then jumps up and grabs the Ultimate X ropes! Lightning slowly climbs hand over hand, probably wishing he didn't skip arm day so much as The Yardies cheer him on.

Inch by inch, Lightning shimmies his way over to the tag belts. He's so invested in his task, he doesn't notice Hector running out of the garage with another ladder! The Yardies laugh when Zybala shouts "My good ladder!" but Hector ignores him as he runs to the ring. Hector pushes the ladder under the ropes and crawls in after it. Lightning is so close to the belts, just a few more inches! His fingers brush against one of the titles when a ladder slams into his side! Lightning cries out in pain as he let's go of the ropes and falls to the mat! Hector sets the ladder up under the titles and is about to climb when Lightning grabs his ankle. Hector tries to kick away Lighting, but Lightning upper cuts him between the legs! Hector falls to the mat, clutching his nether regions as Lightning holds his side where the ladder hit him. The only thing standing in the ring is the ladder! The Yardies are trying to rally the wrestlers to their feet. ~


Dean: It's anyone's match now! Everyone is down again and I don't know how much they got in reserve.

Zybala: I agree with you, Dean. Whoever gets up first may be our winners.


~ The Yardies are still cheering and rhythmic clapping. Everyone is slowly coming around, and trying to get up. Hector is still holding his crotch as Lightning holds his side. Thunder and Victor crawl towards the ropes. Bug Girl is trying to help up Major Helmet as Tank sits in one of the corners and Vincenzo is laying against the ropes. All of the competitors are hurting something fierce. Bug Girl looks at every one down, gives one last look to Helmet, and makes for the ladder. Vincenzo grabs the top rope, hauls himself up and tackles B.G. to the mat! Vincenzo slowly gets up and turns to the ladder, only to be face to face with Jimmy Buffet! ~


Dean: Where did this sucka come from?!

Zybala: And why does he have his wallet out?

Dean:.... You don't think?

Zybala: Son of a bitch!


~ Buffet opens his wallet and starts pulling out money. Before Vince can even think about it, Paco tackles Buffet from behind!! Money flies everywhere as the elderly men fall to the mat! Vincenzo is confused but figures go for the belts regardless. He turns around into a double dropkick from The Malvados! Vince falls out of the ring as Hector guards the ladder as Victor climbs up. The Yardies are cheering and booing, not knowing who to get behind! Victor reaches the top as Thunder gets up to his feet. Hector runs at him and tackles him on top of Tank! Victor reaches up and pulls down the titles, but one slips from his grip and falls to the mat. He grabs the other belt and holds it tight.

Victor yells at Hector to grab the other title. Major Helmet sees it and starts making his way for it. Lightning dives for the belt at the same time Helmet does. They both grab the title and begin fighting over it. They push at each other while pulling at the belt. Hector tries to go for the pair but Tank grabs his leg and holds on tight. Bug Girl tries to get in the ring to help her love but Vincenzo grabs her and throws her to the grass. He climbs up to the apron just in time to see Victor jump off the ladder at Lightning and Helmet! He falls right in between them, on top of the title! Victor slowly rolls over and holds up both tag titles! The Yardies explode with cheers as the bell starts to ring. ~


Belvedere: Here are you winners….and STILL Outsiders Tag Team Champions…. THE MALVADOS!!


~ Paco pushes Buffet away and goes in the ring to celebrate with his boys. The trio stand in the ring, Victor being held up by his brother and the ladder. ~


Zybala: What a match!! Nobody has anything to be ashamed of.

Dean: These suckas show that Outsiders is the best OCW around!

Zybala: Speaking of which…. Cut to commercial!

Dean: Wait...what?!


~ We go to grainy footage of the old OCW arena. There are many bums inside this once great bastion of action and excitement. We see clips of random people fighting in the rundown ring and a drunken Marcus Welsh calling the action while waving sausages at Who'Re. We see The Judge throwing the book at people who deserve it. The scene freezes on the old OCW logo. We hear a drunk Welsh laughing in the background. We cut back to The Yard. ~

TITLE UNIFICATION ULTIMATE X MATCH

Barry Barrows (X-Division) vs PennyLord (X-Factor)

Dean: Damn, even I feel sorry for Welsh.

Zybala: Me too. But that Judge guy looks like he has the stuff to become a champion in The Yard.

Dean: Enough about that. It's Main Event time mother fucker!! I can't wait for this one! Barry vs PennySucka for the Omega X Title!

Zybala: These two have been at each other's throats since Controlled Chaos when Allton and The A-List backstabbed Barry. At least this time, it's gonna be a fair fight. The A-List aren't here and The Family is too beat up to be a factor.

Dean: These two dudes are gonna kill each other and I can't wait!


~ We go over to Belvedere waiting in the ring. The ring has been cleared of the mess of the TLC match, save one ladder. We also see Mitch climbing up said ladder with a championship belt. He gets to the top and hooks the title at the center of the X. Mitch climbs down and tosses the ladder out of the ring. Everyone is trying to see the new title. It looks like the big gold world belt from WCW but with a large blue X plated in the center. ~


Belvedere: The following match is your main event of the evening and it is for the newly christened Outsiders Omega X championship!


~ The Yardies cheer as they admire the new belt. Many wonder when the Outsiders toy line will make a replica for them to buy. Suddenly, a group of clouds pass by overhead, casting an ominous shadow over The Yard. ~



Belvedere: Introducing first.... Hailing from The Macroverse! Weighing in "on a scale your mortal minds couldn't comprehend".... He is the two time and current X-Factor champion….. "The Lord of Evil" PEEEEEENNNNYLOOOOOOORD!!!!


"DOWN HERE, WE ALL FLOAT!"

~ "Every 27 Years" (from IT Chapter 2) hits the speakers as PennyLord walks out!! He is making good use out of his leg braces . The fans boo this evil looking, smug bastard as he rolls his way to the ring. He has a wicked smile that never leaves his face. The Yardies boo as many shy away as PennyLord strolls past. They don't even attempt any form of contact. They are thoroughly freaked out. They aren't the only ones. We can hear Dean let out a scream. ~


Dean: GET ME A SILVER BULLET!!

Zybala: Covered my ears that time. I was prepared.

Dean: I hope Barry was chosen by some cosmic turtle so he can destroy this sucka!

Zybala: Dude, it's just an eccentric Brit in make-up. Allton is a pretty chill dude when you get to know him… and get used to his Penny outbursts.

Dean: Never gonna happen. I hate clowns too much, sucka.


~ PennyLord gets to the ring and slowly, menacingly climbs in. How does one menacingly climb? I don't know, but the clown manages it. His music stops and he yells at Belvedere to hurry up and get Barry out. Always the professional, Belvedere doesn't get flustered as he continues.. ~


Belvedere: And his opponent.. He stands at 5 foot 6 inches and weighs in tonight at 150 pounds…... He is the United X-Division Champion…. He has yet to be pinned or submitted.... This is THEEEE BAAAAAARRRRRTY!!


~ "Oh Yeah!" by Green Day begins to play, Barry steps out from behind the curtain looking more focused than ever before. The Yardies explode with cheers and start the popular chant "BAAAR-RY!! BAAAR-RY!" Goldberg style. Penny sneers as Barry makes his way out of the house. Barry walks down the lawn with his arms spread wide to high five fans, but the focused look never leaves his face. Barry gets to the ring and steps between the rope, his eyes never leaving PennyLord's. The music stops and Mitch calls for the bell. Barry and PennyLord immediately charge at each other and start slugging away! They nail lefts and rights and chops on each other, hatred in their eyes, neither giving an inch! The Yardies cheer for the violence. ~


Dean: Right off the bat, these two are duking it out! They ain't holding nothing back!

Zybala: Hate will do that to a person. The title is probably the furthest thing from their minds right now. They just wanna hurt each other.


~ The two are still pounding away at each other (I giggled too) when Penny shoves Barry back. Having some space, Penny hauls back his left hand and fires off a Legendary Awesome Gorgeous (L.A.G.) Punch at Barry, who ducks under it and goes behind Penny. Barry quickly drops to his knees and hits his opponent with The Surprise Roll-up!! Penny hits the mat and Mitch runs over to count to three; forgetting about the match stipulation. Even high, Mitch is quick to react. After the ref's hand hits the mat for the third time, Barry gets off of Penny, who is quick to his feet. Penny glares at Barry like he's an idiot and points to the belt hanging in the air. Barry smirks and tells the evil clown that he just pinned him for the three count. Penny's glare of annoyance turns to shock, then rage. He charges at Barry and tackles him to the ground. The two start rolling on the mat, throwing wild punches at one another, trying to get a solid hit. The fans cheer, encouraging the violence.

They roll over to the ropes, the bottom one preventing them from falling out of the ring. Barry, being on top now, rolls off of PennyLord and starts kicking at him, forcing him under the ropes and to the grass below. Both men get up at the same time and Barry runs at the ropes. He bounces back and heads towards PennyLord. Barry goes for a baseball slide, but Penny lifts up the top of the ring apron! Barry gets trapped between the ring and the apron…. or he would have been if hia slide was effective. Barry did slide but ended up about six inches too short. Barry is just laying on the mat as Penny holds up the apron. The Yardies laugh as the two men look a little embarrassed. Barry quickly gathers himself as he gets to his feet and runs at the furthest corner. Penny is watching this, expecting another attack, but his eyes widen as he sees Barry climb the turnbuckles, going for the Omega X title! ~


Zybala: After a classic Yard mishap, Barry is turning clumsiness into opportunity by going for the title!

Dean: It's still too early. The clown isn't even out cold. Look, he's already going after B Double.


~ PennyLord is in the ring, gets under Barry and starts pulling on his legs. Barry tries kicking him away, but gets pulled to the mat after a brief struggle. Barry lands on his feet in front of Penny, who quickly hugs him and hits a belly to belly side suplex! Barry hits the mat with a thud and a gasp as the air is driven from his lungs. With Barry down, Penny takes his turn to go for the belt. He climbs up and starts his trek to the center to get the belt. Barry pants on the mat, catching his breath as he watches PennyLord's feet dangle above him. Barry sees how far Penny is from the belt and how fast he is moving, and decides to take an extra few seconds to lay there and catch his breath.

The Lord of Evil looks down and gets angry when he sees Barry basically relaxing on the mat. He brings up his knees and releases his grip on the rope. As he falls, PennyLord positions his arm for an elbow drop! Penny crashes to the mat as Barry casually rolled out of the way; seeing the move coming. The fans cheer as Penny briefly lets out a cry of pain, holding his right elbow. Barry sees this and takes advantage as he stands up and starts kicking the clown's arm. Penny tries to cover up as Barry keeps kicking and stomping away at his opponent. Barry starts shoving Penny towards the ropes and once again pushes his opponent out of the ring. Barry climbs out after him and notices the ladder Mitch tossed out earlier. The fans see Barry look at the ladder and start encouraging and cheering him to use it.

Barry picks up Penny and drags him over to the ladder. He hooks Penny's head under his arm and moonwalks towards the ladder! The Yard buzzes with anticipation for the B.D.T., but Barry stumbles! He foot slips on what could be a divot in the ground or a wet patch of grass. Regardless, Penny takes advantage as he grabs Barry around the waist, moves them in a 180, and lifts Barry up with a Northern Lights Suplex! Barry flips over and lands hard, back first on the ladder! Boos fill The Yard as Barry writhes in pain. Penny raises to his feet and grins seeing Barry in agony. Penny rolls Barry off of the ladder, then opens the ladder. He then rolls Barry back onto the ladder between its legs, then slams the open leg on Barry's chest!! Barry's screams of agony can barely be heard over the boos from the fans as PennyLord continues to open and slam down the ladder onto his opponent; as if the ladder was trying to eat Barry. Much to Barry's relief, Penny gets bored and stops as he looks around The Yard for more things to hurt Barry with. ~


Dean: I don't know what the clown is doing. This would be a perfect time to go for the belt.

Zybala: This has gone well beyond winning the title, Dean-o. These guys want to hurt each other more than they want to win.


~ PennyLord picks up Barry by the head and drags him to his feet. He pulls Barry across The Yard towards the house, ignoring the boos as they pass. Penny grabs Barry's arm and whips him into the house. Barry hits the siding hard and crumples to the grass. PennyLord grabs Barry once again and starts smashing his head against the side of the house! Penny stops and allows Barry to slump to the grass. Barry slowly gets to his hands and knees, and we can see blood dripping down to the grass. This pleases Penny, who decides to do more harm. He pulls Barry towards the entrance ramp and lays him down in the doorway. He then grabs the sliding door and the boos get louder as the fans know what PennyLord is planning. He pauses to flash a sinister smile to the crowd before sliding the door closed with all his might! The Yardies cry out in horror as the door closes. There is a loud crash as the door slams shut, but Barry pushes himself out of the way. A cheer raises in The Yard when the fans see that Barry is safe… for the moment.

The Lord of Evil doesn't share in the joy as he screams at Barry about not cooperating. He grabs Barry by the hair and starts to pull him up, but Barry grabs Penny and falls backwards, sending PennyLord through the sliding door!! Glass shatters everywhere as Penny gets sent flying into the kitchen! Barry slumps to his knees to take a quick breather as the clown lays in the glass, carefully trying to push himself up. Zybala starts yelling about his door, but Dean holds him in place. Barry gets to his feet when he sees PennyLord start to get up. The Unpinnable One runs at Penny, ramming his shoulder into the clown's stomach, and driving him into the wall. Plaster dusts around the pair as the camera follows them to capture all the action. ~


Dean: These two suckas wanna destroy each other and everything around them to do it!

Zybala: At least this is all covered by insurance…

Dean: When the fuck did you buy insurance?! We don't got money for that shit!

Zybala: Relax dude. I paid for it out of pocket.


~ The two champs are fighting against the wall. PennyLord reverses Barry and throws him against the wall and cocks back his left hand. He throws the L.A.G. punch at Barry, but he ducks! Penny's fist slams through the wall! The Lord of Evil cries out in pain as he pulls his hand out of the wall, trying to shake away the pain. Barry slinks away and grabs a thick cutting board. PennyLord turns towards Barry, only to see the cutting board coming down! The board smashes the clown on the forehead, driving him to his knees. B Double raises the board and smacks PennyLord in the head again! PennyLord falls to the floor, blood beginning to trickle from his forehead. The camera can hear the cheers from the crowd even in the house. Barry looks out the door, and makes his way towards it. As he turns away, PennyLord grabs his ankle. Barry looks down in terror. How is Penny not out cold?!

Barry starts to hammer fists down on PennyLord, but the clown ignores them as he pushes himself to his feet. Barry keeps punching away until he is face to face with a smiling evil clown. PennyLord grabs Barry by the side of the head and headbutts him! Blood sprays out when the heads collide! Barry falls to the kitchen floor as PennyLord leans against the table to keep his balance. He shakes his head, trying to clear the cobwebs, then looks down at Barry. He gives him a kick to the head before he exits the kitchen and back into The Yard. The Yardies boo as Penny slowly makes his way back to the ring, but cheer when Barry tackles his legs from behind! Both men fall to the grass in a heap. They struggle against each other as they try to get back to their feet. Barry spots a nearby chair and goes to grab it. PennyLord doesn't notice as he keeps going towards the ring. He climbs up the apron when Barry smacks the chair against PennyLord's leg! The clownish Wrestling Jesus screeches in pain as he tumbles through the ropes! ~


Zybala: When will this carnage stop?! Both men are bleeding, Barry's got a chair and I don't think PennyLord gives a shit!

Dean: The shot to the leg may have hurt, but SuckaLord isn't slowing down. He's back in the ring and heading to the corner! He's after the title!


~ Barry rolls into the ring with the chair and goes after PennyLord. He raises the chair high and Penny dashes forward! Barry swings and Penny dodges! Before Barry can correct himself, PennyLord kicks the chair out of his hands and grabs Barry in an Anaconda Vice!! PennyLord has the standing Python Grip locked in as a screaming Barry does all he can to stay standing. Penny is screaming in Barry's face incoherently as he tries to muscle Barry to the ground. Barry is dragging both towards the ropes as Penny starts raving how the ropes won't help him. The Unpinnable One proves The Clown wrong as Barry quickly drops to the mat, bringing PennyLord's head down into the ropes! The move causes PennyLord to release his grip on Barry, who starts crawling away. The Yardies cheer Barry for his quick thinking. Barrows gets to his feet first and runs at a kneeling PennyLord, and hits him with a low dropkick! The move pushes The Lord of Evil halfway through the ropes as Barry runs to the opposite corner and scales the turnbuckles. When he gets to the top, he looks up, wipes the blood from his eyes, takes a deep breath and hops up to grab the X ropes. At this time, PennyLord has gathered his senses and gotten to his feet. He scowls as he sees Barry going for the belt, but it turns into a sinister smile as he runs towards the corner Barry climbed.

Barry is climbing hand over hand, inching closer to the title! The Yardies cheer him on, urging him to go faster as PennyLord grabs onto the same rope and climbs towards Barry. Barry reaches the title and starts to reach for it. His fingers brush against the belt when Barry feels legs around his waist. Barry quickly grabs a rope and is hanging with both arms just as PennyLord climbs on his back! Barry is struggling to keep his grip with the extra weight of a whole person on his back. That's when PennyLord locks in the Barry Slayer sleeper!! PennyLord cackles as he cuts off Barry's air supply. The laughing stops when Barry starts to fade and his grip weakens. The hated rivals fall to the mat and land in an awkward heap! "Holy Shit!" fills The Yard as the fans react. ~


Zybala: What a fall! Both men are down!

Dean: The clown seems to have gotten the worst of it. Barry landed right on his left leg. You kinda need those to climb up to get the belt.

Zybala: True, but how bad did Barry hurt himself falling on a metal leg brace?

Dean: I wouldn't worry about that. I'd worry about how SuckaLord still has the Barry Slayer still locked in!


~ Dean is right! Despite the fall and having a person basically fall on him, PennyLord is pushing through the pain to keep the sleeper locked in! Barry's arms are barely flailing as is, and after a few moments, they cease moving all together. Penny giggles as he releases the hold and pushes Barry off of him. He stands up and heads towards the turnbuckles. PennyLord starts his climb, but as soon as his left leg supports his weight, the brace begins to break!! PennyLord falls to the mat and looks shocked and surprised. He gives a glance over at Barry, who still hasn't moved. Penny pulls himself up and hops on his right leg. He tries climbing up the ropes with his arms and one leg, and manages to get to the top, but loses his balance and falls back to the mat! PennyLord lays on the mat, punching the canvas in frustration. The Yardies then boo as Tank comes limping out! The love they had for him earlier has gone away as he is now here to help the clown.

Tank grabs the ladder that Penny used to attack Barry and brings it over to the ring and slides it under the ropes. He climbs in the ring, grabs the ladder and sets it up under the title. Tank then helps PennyLord to his feet and ducks under his boss and lifts him up. The clown is sitting on the giant's shoulders and The Yardies start cheering! The Family is obviously confused as why they're being cheered but it all becomes clear. Tank turns to face the ladder and Barry has regained consciousness and is climbing the ladder! Tank staggers over the ladder as Barry nears the top. PennyLord is yelling at Tank to hurry up as the two get near the ladder. Barry reaches the top as his foes reach the ladder. Penny is about to get off Tank and onto the ladder when he notices Barry doing something odd. Barry is sitting on the top of the ladder with his back turned to his opponent. Slowly, Barry does an odd backwards somersault. He falls back and twists his body as he does. Barry lands on PennyLord in a very safe, very Yard version of a corkscrew moonsault! Tank is knocked off balance as Penny and Barry crash to the mat! "HOLY SHIT!" and "Barry Barrows" chants fill The Yard! ~


Dean: Holy Shit is fucking right sucka! Barry didn't throw caution to the wind with that one. He threw that sucka right out of a fifth story window!!

Zybala: A picture perfect Barry-nator from the top of the ladder! Most people fear death, but in that moment death feared Barry!!

Dean: Though looks like we're getting a repeat of Controlled Chaos. Tank is helping PennySucka to his feet.

Zybala: Barry's not down and out though, partner. He might get a miracle tonight!


~ Tank has helped Penny up and the pair watch Barry struggle to his feet. The Evil Lord of Dashing tells Tank something and the giant helps Penny over to Barry. He waits for Barry to stand up before hitting The Unpinnable One with The L.A.G. Punch! Barry drops to his ass and Penny turns around to face the ladder. Tank helps him on the first rung when someone shouts out "ROB!!" Penny cringes before stopping. He turns around to see a panting Barry. Barry stares hard at PennyLord, blood still slowly dripping down his face. An awed hush fills The Yard. ~


Barry: Where you going? I didn't hear no bell!


~ The hush is gone as cheers explode from the fans. A look of concern flashes Penny's eyes before he throws another L.A.G. punch! His fist hits Barry's cheek hard, dropping Barry to a knee, but a look of anger is on his face. Barry slowly stands up, begging for another! PennyLord obliges and hits Barry with another L.A.G. Punch! Barry turns from the blow but doesn't drop! He balls up his fist, shaking a little, before turning to face the clown once more. He screams at him to hit him again "like he has a pair!" and you can see a little fear in Penny's eyes. It passes soon, and is replaced with fury. Penny hauls back and throws a punch with all his might!

Barry ducks and kicks PennyLord in the gut! Penny doubles over and Barry grabs his head. Tank tries to interrupt, but gets kicked in the cash and prizes! Tank falls to his knees, clutching his poor genitals, and Barry grabs his head too! To exhausted to moonwalk, Barry drops The Family with a double B.D.T.! The fans erupt as all three men are out on the mat, cheering Barry and trying to rally the obvious fan favorite. Though it looks like the adrenaline that allowed him to power through two L.A.G. punches have left him. ~


Dean: Damn. I thought Barry was getting a second wind. Turns out it was a dying gasp.

Zybala: At least he took out The Family before passing out. With everyone out, it gives everyone time to recover!l.


~ The adrenaline rush hasn't left Barry just yet. He has enough energy to get to his hands and knees and starts crawling towards the ladder! The Yardies urge Barry on as he slowly starts to climb up towards the Omega X title! Barry is almost to the top when PennyLord comes to. He looks around for Barry and doesn't see him in the ring. He then looks up and gasps in horror as Barry's fingers brush the title! Barry steps up another rung and is about to grab the title when he feels the ladder shaking! He looks down to see PennyLord pushing the ladder. Barry starts yelling at him to stop. Obviously the clown doesn't listen. With one last hard shove, PennyLord shoves the ladder over! It hits the ropes and leans against them. Penny is confused though as there is no sign of Barry. He looks up and gasps once more; Barry is hanging from the ropes!

Barry has one arm through the title and the other over the ropes and is hanging on for dear life. The fans are cheering and yelling for Barry to just grab the title and fall. PennyLord is yelling obscenities. Barry is yelling for the ladder to be put back up. He looks how close he is to winning though. Barry closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and raises his arm up to undo the strap. Boos fill The Yard and Barry looks confused. He thought the fans loved him. He didn't notice Vincenzo running towards the ring with a large pair of bolt cutters!

Vince runs into the ring and quickly climbs one of the house side turnbuckles. He balances himself before lifting up the bolt cutters to the cable holding the ropes. With great effort, he cuts the cable! The rope falls to the mat and the middle sags in mid air. Barry turns around to see what happened and starts to panic. He clings onto the title while yelling at Vincenzo to stop! Vince doesn't listen as he climbs the other house side turnbuckles. He balances again before cutting the other cable! The rope falls and Barry falls with it, still holding the title! Barry lands right on top of PennyLord with the title in between the two! Everyone starts getting anxious as no one is sure who has the title. Mitch enters the ring to see. ~


Zybala: What a fall! It would be a small miracle if Barry held onto the belt.

Dean: I don't see SuckaLord grabbing the belt after having Barry crash on top of him.


~ Mitch leans in close to see who has the belt, but backs up when Barry starts to move. He rolls off of PennyLord with his arm through the belt loop. The fans cheer and Mitch is about to call for the bell when he sees Penny also has his arm in the belt loop! Barry tries to pull the belt as he sits up, but PennyLord won't let go. The two men sit in the middle of the ring, a match of tug of war with the Omega X title going on! The Yardies are all on their feet in anticipation, cheering Barry and booing PennyLord! Barry leans back and drives his head forward into Penny's! The clown is stunned before he returns the favor with a headbutt of his own! The scabbing over wounds from earlier reopen as Barry and Penny keep trading headbutts, sending blood and sweat flying whenever the heads collide!

Both men look glassy eyed and dazed. They rear back and start to pull on the belt again. Barry loses his grip and releases the belt. This throws PennyLord off balance and he too loses his grip! The belt flies out of the ring and lands on the lawn. PennyLord and Barry watch the belt land then look at each other. Penny yells at Vincenzo to hold Barry. Barry is stunned and tries to move but Vincenzo jumps on him and holds Barry to the mat. Satisfied, Penny rolls on the mat and under the ropes. He falls to the grass and starts crawling towards the belt as the fans boo. ~


Zybala: And just like that, Barry gets screwed by The Family again…. And also shut up Mack. We know what you think it smells like.

Dean: Did you expect any different? Barry has no one and PennySucka haa his goons. Use what you got.


~ PennyLord crawls ever closer, grass staining his clothes. The Omega X belt is with his reach. He stretches his arm out and grabs at the belt when it's snatched from his grasp. He looks up and sees the new Streaming Services champion, Aaron Warthog. He picks it up and tosses it back in the ring. Warthog then picks up PennyLord and sets him up for a piledriver! PennyLord tries to fight but Aaron lifts him up and plants his head into the ground! Yes, pun intended! The Yardies let out a cheer as Penny crumples to the grass. Aaron then runs in the ring and attacks Vincenzo! Vince pushes Barry to the side and he and Warthog start brawling. The two fall through the ropes and keep fighting up the grass towards the house.

Barry watches them leave before he sees the title in the ring. He goes after it, only for a recovered Tank to stand in his way! Tank kicks the belt out of the ring before wrapping his hand around Barry's neck! He lifts the Unpinnable One up for a Chokeslam! Barry counters at the last second and hits a cutter on Tank! Very DDP vs The Giant in WCW style. The big guy is down and Barry looks around in a panic. He can't see the title! The Yardies try pointing it out but Barry is confused by some crowd members who point in different directions to be assholes. Barry then looks over to where he last saw PennyLord laying, and gasps in horror that he's not there! Barry runs out of the ring and starts looking. Not finding anything, The Barry starts running around the ring to look for the belt and the camera follows him. As he turns the corner, he screams out "NO!!" We see PennyLord crawling towards the title, mere inches away! Barry dives but it's too late! PennyLord grabs the title and rolls away with it just as Barry lands on where the belt was. Mitch sees Penny cackle as he holds up the belt, and calls for the bell; though you can't hear it over the boos. ~


Belvedere: Here is your winner and your first Omega X champion….. PENNYLORD!!


~ Penny struggles to his feet and stands on his "good" leg for a moment before falling to his ass. Barry just lays in the grass looking disappointed. Vincenzo, sporting a black eye and busted lip, walks out of the house with a wheelchair and makes his way over to his boss. He helps PennyLord into the chair, who then holds up the title triumphantly. The boos only gets louder. Barry gets to his feet and walks away. Vincenzo looks to go after him, but Penny grabs his arm. Vince looks at his boss who is shaking his head no. ~


Dean: Was that a little respect from the SuckaLord?

Zybala: Maybe a little bit of the Allton personality was showing itself.

Dean: Whatever it was, Allton is your new Omega champ after a brutal match! He even did it mostly by himself.

Zybala: A great show all around. Two new champions and two titles defended. Everyone brought their A game tonight

Dean: Almost every one….

Zybala: Meh. Still a great show. For Dean, I'm Mike Zybala saying Good Fight, Good Night.



~ Our last scene is of Allton celebrating his title win as the fans boo as loud as they can. Tank recovers and joins his boss. He and Vince then lift Allton up onto Tank's shoulders. Allton holds the Omega X championship as high as he can as the scene fades to black. ~