Post by Marcus Welsh on Apr 21, 2020 0:16:05 GMT -5
BREAKING NEWS
The words hit like the ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE from however many years ago, knifing right through the season finale of Better Call Saul. What’s going to happen to Kim? What about Jimmy...err Saul. And Lalo..guy’s a fuckin beast, right?
Ahem, anyway.
Back to the BREAKING NEWS
Who’Re sits behind the OCW news desk shuffling papers that look like cooking recipes. #MeToo
“Hello from OCW Headquarters! Sorry for breaking in on Better Call Saul. I don’t know about you guys but I think Lalo is very, very…”
A snap is heard off-screen. We catch sight of Sugar Valentine, trying to keep Who’Re in check. Who’Re rolls her eyes.
“Whatever. Anyway, I’m here with some BREAKING NEWS.”
Who’Re re-shuffles the papers. Her eyes widen, “Ohh, bread pudding recipe. Nice.”
She re-shuffles again, clears her throat, and continues.
“BREAKING NEWS from North Korea...or South Korea...one of the Koreas. We’ll go with Central Korea. BREAKING NEWS FROM SOMEWHERE IN ASIA...it turns out that Kim Jong Un...dictator, tyrant, philanthroper, pianist, artisan, five-star chef, painter, pole vaulter, murderer, butcher...wow, he was a very complex man.”
Sugar anger whispers, “Yo! Whore! Get to the fuckin point!”
Who’Re shoots a mean glare his way, “It’s HOO RAY!”
Sugar hisses and throws his hand at her, trying to get her to hurry up so they can all catch the ending to Better Call Saul SEASON 5.
“Son of Kim Jong Il, an admirer of Van Gogh, a fan of Fruity Pebbles and, above all else...friend to OCW is reportedly in GRAVE CONDITION following surgery.”
A hush befalls the OCW studio.
“Some are even calling it a vegetative state.”
An even BIGGER hush befalls the OCW studio.
“We at OCW officially wish Kim Jong a speedy and safe recovery...in the manner in which all humans wish one another a speedy and safe recovery...general human decency. We thank Mr. Un for allowing us to host Redacted in the beautiful land of North Korea back in July. We would also like to make it very clear that we no longer hold any ties to North Korea or Mr. Un outside of the fact that he remains an avid fan of the product.”
Sugar anger whisper shouts, “HURRY THE FUCK UP.”
“So aggressive!” Who’Re slams the papers on the desk. Her eyes light up, “Oh my, a recipe for Strawberry Shortcake!”
Sugar slams his fist into the wall. His pimp hand is growing heavy.
Who’Re refocuses, “We at OCW figured you fans should hear this from us, directly. Best wishes to Mr. Un and the great albeit misunderstood nation of North Korea. We now, as a promotion, look ahead toward Manifest Destiny 2 and whatever takes place thereafter. And now...back to our regularly scheduled programming.”
Cheers erupt all around the world.
Who’Re crosses her fingers, “C’mon, Lalo...DON’T DIE.”
We cut away.
The words hit like the ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE from however many years ago, knifing right through the season finale of Better Call Saul. What’s going to happen to Kim? What about Jimmy...err Saul. And Lalo..guy’s a fuckin beast, right?
Ahem, anyway.
Back to the BREAKING NEWS
Who’Re sits behind the OCW news desk shuffling papers that look like cooking recipes. #MeToo
“Hello from OCW Headquarters! Sorry for breaking in on Better Call Saul. I don’t know about you guys but I think Lalo is very, very…”
A snap is heard off-screen. We catch sight of Sugar Valentine, trying to keep Who’Re in check. Who’Re rolls her eyes.
“Whatever. Anyway, I’m here with some BREAKING NEWS.”
Who’Re re-shuffles the papers. Her eyes widen, “Ohh, bread pudding recipe. Nice.”
She re-shuffles again, clears her throat, and continues.
“BREAKING NEWS from North Korea...or South Korea...one of the Koreas. We’ll go with Central Korea. BREAKING NEWS FROM SOMEWHERE IN ASIA...it turns out that Kim Jong Un...dictator, tyrant, philanthroper, pianist, artisan, five-star chef, painter, pole vaulter, murderer, butcher...wow, he was a very complex man.”
Sugar anger whispers, “Yo! Whore! Get to the fuckin point!”
Who’Re shoots a mean glare his way, “It’s HOO RAY!”
Sugar hisses and throws his hand at her, trying to get her to hurry up so they can all catch the ending to Better Call Saul SEASON 5.
“Son of Kim Jong Il, an admirer of Van Gogh, a fan of Fruity Pebbles and, above all else...friend to OCW is reportedly in GRAVE CONDITION following surgery.”
A hush befalls the OCW studio.
“Some are even calling it a vegetative state.”
An even BIGGER hush befalls the OCW studio.
“We at OCW officially wish Kim Jong a speedy and safe recovery...in the manner in which all humans wish one another a speedy and safe recovery...general human decency. We thank Mr. Un for allowing us to host Redacted in the beautiful land of North Korea back in July. We would also like to make it very clear that we no longer hold any ties to North Korea or Mr. Un outside of the fact that he remains an avid fan of the product.”
Sugar anger whisper shouts, “HURRY THE FUCK UP.”
“So aggressive!” Who’Re slams the papers on the desk. Her eyes light up, “Oh my, a recipe for Strawberry Shortcake!”
Sugar slams his fist into the wall. His pimp hand is growing heavy.
Who’Re refocuses, “We at OCW figured you fans should hear this from us, directly. Best wishes to Mr. Un and the great albeit misunderstood nation of North Korea. We now, as a promotion, look ahead toward Manifest Destiny 2 and whatever takes place thereafter. And now...back to our regularly scheduled programming.”
Cheers erupt all around the world.
Who’Re crosses her fingers, “C’mon, Lalo...DON’T DIE.”
We cut away.