Mario's Mysteriously Magnificent Mile

[Mario Maurako]

ACT I: I’m Going to Disney World!
The Magic Kingdom: Orlando, Florida
3/20/2014

Pictures of Mario Maurako, sweaty, with his hand being raised in victory flash onto the screen. They are followed up with that legendary voice asking that legendary questions that all champions get to answer after winning the big one.

‘Mario Maurako, you’ve just won the OCW Southern Championship. What are you going to do now?’

Then the voice of Mario Maurako answers back as a picture of him tossing the OCW Title into Lake Eerie is displayed.

‘I’m going to Disney World!!!’

Enter reality. Mario Maurako and Nicoletta De Carlo have just entered the main gates of The Magic Kingdom. It’s not every day you see a 6’3 260lb man walking into The Magic Kingdom with a gorgeous Italian Futbol star on his arm, and it certainly is out of the ordinary when that man is wearing a birthday party hat. Nicoletta blows on a noise maker and tosses glitter into the air as the two appear to be making their very own Magic Kingdom parade. Mario walks up to some confused park goers and hands them a flyer. The flyer is a doctored Black Out 2 poster. At the bottom it says OCW Presents: Black Out 2. All of the other competitors have been removed from the flyer. All that remains is

OCW Southern Championship Match
Hazardous Ladder Match
Mario Maurako vs. Pryde

And under that a picture of Mario Maurako, with his hands clasped like his hooking in Omerta and also ironically his arms form the letter ‘O’. Hmm… it’s almost like that was on purpose.



Next to the picture of Maurako there is a much less flattering picture of Pryde, standing next to a masked donkey. The resemblance is uncanny.



The couple, well I don’t know if you can call them a couple per se. So we will call them a duo. The duo, arrive at the main circle in front of Cinderella’s Castle and they head to the right towards Tomorrowland. Tomorrowland is a futuristic section of the theme park which tends to focus around space exploration and the unknown things that are tomorrow. The duo enter Tomorrowland and Mario stops and hands out a couple more flyers and then takes a deep breath of the wonderful Orlando air.

Mario Maurako: Oh sweet Orlando, one of my favorite places to visit. That’s no joke. I also love Vegas, but that is a story for another day and another time. Do you smell that Nicoletta?

Nicoletta De Carlo: The smell of victory?

Mario Maurako: Yes! We are just three days away from having the OCW Southern Championship added to The Family’s collection. It’s going to be great… it’s going to be better than great. It’s going to be Marv- Mario quickly catches himself. AWESOME!

Nicoletta De Carlo: I have no doubt that you can pull off this win.

Mario Maurako: Pryde would like to think that he has all these little advantages in this Hazardous Ladder Match. Well that punk has another guess coming. His speed, neutralized by a faulty ladder. His youth, neutralized by his inexperience. His mysterious persona, neutralized by the fact that it is ultimately irrelevant. Now let me explain to you Nicoletta was is relevant. The Hazardous Ladder Match is a match that was created by my very good friend Silver Cyanide. It’s a match in which he never lost. So clearly I’ve been in discussions with my old friend about some tips and tricks for this match. Edge: Mario.

Nicoletta De Carlo: I’d say that’s a huge edge.

Mario Maurako: It’s a gigantic edge. And I’m not talking about the 6 or 7 inches I have on Pryde. You can take that in any context you’d prefer.

The line causes a smirk to cross Nicoletta’s face and she blushes a little bit.

Mario Maurako: It’s a much greater edge than the one that Pryde thinks he has on me by me not knowing who he is. I don’t care if he’s my 3rd grade math teacher or dear aunt sally. At Black Out I’m going to put him down and claim my belt. It is as simple as that.

Nicoletta De Carlo: Okay Mario. I know we just met and all and yesterday I just found out your birthday was today. But I got you something that I certainly hope that you like.

Mario Maurako: Oh a birthday present eh?

Nicoletta De Carlo: Yes. Close your eyes, take my hand, and follow me.

Mario does as the bodacious babe requests and he takes her hand and then closes his eyes and lets her lead him away. It seems like an eternity that they walk before Nicoletta finally stops and places her hand in the middle of Mario’s chest signaling for him to stop.

Nicoletta De Carlo: Okay now open your eyes.

Mario opens his eyes and sees his favorite roller coaster in the entire theme park, Space Mountain. Then he quickly gets sad as he sees that it is roped off and ‘closed to the public’.

Mario Maurako: Aww man… I was looking forward to riding it when we were here. It was the only ride I wanted to go on. I was even going to use the birthday privilege to get to the front of the line.

Nicoletta De Carlo: Well have no fear. I rented the entire ride for 30 minutes.

Mario Maurako: You did what!?

Nicoletta De Carlo: It’s all ours. I wanted it to be special so I figured we could ride it twice. Once the traditional way and then once with the lights on.

Mario Maurako: That’s a fantastic idea!

Nicoletta De Carlo: See I was worried you were going to let the mysterious Pryde get in your head. So I set this up as a perfect analogy.

Mario Maurako: Did you just say anal?

Nicoletta De Carlo: Analogy.

Nicoletta pats Mario on the chest for his good faith effort. Nicoletta leads Mario into the building and they start climbing their way to the top of the ramp so they can get on the ride. They whiz right past all the simple things they have set up to distract the normal customers from the long line. So because there are no people in line Mario and Nicoletta quickly get to the top of the ride and take their place inside the single seat space craft. Mario sits in front and then Nicoletta takes the seat directly behind Mario, leaving open seats behind them.

They sit there while the a man who is allegedly in a ‘Tower’ gives them instructions and then begins and within moments their rocket ship starts to move into a tunnel with bright blue flashing lights and noises that sound like lasers shooting. The sounds speeds up as the rocket makes its way down the tunnel and then the ship darts off to the left and into the dark abyss. Nothing can clearly be made out until they start approaching a light, the light almost looks like it is on the front of a ship but just as they get close enough to the light to ride darts off to the left again. Another brief moment of sirens are heard as the ride jostles back and forth as it makes it’s way down. You can’t see it but Mario’s face is glowing with excitement as the ride makes it’s way along their charted course. They zoom towards a couple of lights but alas the ride darts off in another direction at the last moment as Nicoletta shrieks. Instantly they are back in complete darkness being tossed from side to side. Then they enter a tunnel with lights in it that make it look like they are zooming past hundreds of stars. But then again back into complete darkness until the ride slows down and slowly pulls into the exit terminal.



Instead of getting out the lights on the ride all turn on and the rocket begins to take it’s second tour through. They go through that same tunnel but the noise sounds much different. Now it sounds more like an annoying police siren. The siren’s speed up and the ride turns to the left. The change seemed far less violent this time then it had previously, and instead of darting into the dark abyss you can see everything. There are cheesy space looking props everywhere in the room. A couple of astronauts standing upside down off to the right side of the ride. On the left side there was what looked like a command center with too terrible looking dummies sitting at the controls.

The ride slowly putted along and finally entered the area where Mario figured it would pick up. The ride starts going a little faster but with the lights on you can see every turn and every bump and your body just prepares for it. Plus you realize you’re going a lot slower than you previously thought you were. Not to mention there isn’t a damn thing to look at except for the tracks. Before you know it they are entering the final tunnel and the ride is over.



Mario and Nicoletta get out of the rocket ship and head for the exit. The look on Mario’s face says it all, he was completely unimpressed with the ride once all the mystery was taken out of it.

Nicoletta De Carlo: You hated it didn’t you?

Mario Maurako: No, I love it. Well the first time I loved it. Once the lights were on it really sucked.

Nicoletta De Carlo: Exactly! Pryde is the same way. Right now everything is a mystery. His past, which ladder will work, which ones won’t. Your Main Event match at Black Out 2 is just like ridding Space Mountain in the dark. If you knew which ladder to use from the beginning and knew everything about Pryde then the match wouldn’t be worth your time.

Mario stops walking and ponders Nicoletta’s comments for a moment. Then he snickers and begins walking with her, taking hold of her hand.

Mario Maurako: You know, you’re right. Poor Pryde, even his mysteriousness is now just another advantage that I have. At Blackout my 40 year old ass is going to destroy Pryde. I guess you can say that I’m going to hurt his pride.

Mario chuckles at his own bad joke, one that would’ve made The Headliner Harold Jones happy. Nicoletta on the other hand apparently doesn’t find humor in bad jokes as she didn’t laugh.

Mario Maurako: Well babe, I promised Ian I’d go to some club or something with him. I don’t think it will be your type of thing. So I’ll just go do that with him tomorrow and then we will meet up at the arena for the show.

Nicoletta De Carlo: Sounds good champ.

Mario Maurako:Champ. I like the sound of that.

Mario leans in and gives Nicolette a kiss and then the two part ways. Mario is almost skipping with boyhood glee. Oh, the power a crush can have over a man. The scene fades to black.