Post by Robert Uchiha on Aug 10, 2019 19:43:21 GMT -5
We open on our favorite anime-loving, basement-dwelling master of finer Japanese weaponry, Robert Uchiha. He sits at his parent's kitchen table across from his newest waifu body pillow, Tsunade from Naruto Shippuden. The lights are off and the mood is set to full blown romantic as candles flicker between the boy and his fuck pillow.
Robert Uchiha: “Miss Hokage, I’m happy you could join me tonight. Luckily my parents are having a date night of their own.”
Robert sits in his chair, fedora firmly placed on his head, one hand firmly placed on his sheathed blade with the other rotating a rose. He lifts his head looking at the, err woman? No, it’s a fucking pillow, and we’re gonna call it just that. He lifts his head looking at his pillow. He flashes what he perceives to be a dashing smile, instead it looks like he’s 4-days constipated. The young man starts speaking in a high pitched terrible impression of a woman.
Robert Uchiha (as Tsunade): “Oh Robert Uchiha, you’re so handsome. I love being with you, nothing brings more jo-”
As he speaks the front door opens and we are greeted by Uchiha’s parents. His dad, still rocking that beautiful Magnum P.I. moustache, wearing an AC/DC shirt. His mother has her hair curled and is in a long skirt with a floral blouse.
Dad: “What the sam hell are you doing boy!”
Robert jumps to his feet, startled. They said they wouldn’t be home until 11, his plans are blown.
Robert Uchiha: “I thought you guys were gonna be out late?”
Dad: “I thought you were gonna move out of the house, I guess we were both wrong.”
His dad walks over to his couch and turns on the TV as he starts to watch the news. His mom stands quizzically looking at her son and the creepy pillow. She turns away and walks upstairs to her room. Perhaps it’s better to just ignore the whole thing. Robert grabs his pillow, and heads down to the basement. As he makes his descent his dad yells at him.
Dad: “If you ever bring your dirty sex pillow into my kitchen again, I’m gonna bring my foot in your ass”
At the bottom of the stairs our lovable weeaboo tosses his body pillow gently on the bed. It lays flat in the center, Robert has a slight smirk fill his face before speaking.
Robert Uchiha: “As much as I want to, I can’t. I have to prepare for my upcoming match. I’ve been building my chakra since I saw the announcement. I, Robert Uchiha, rogue shinobi, hero of time, shall defeat Tony-kun, my one true rival. With his defeat, I’ll be a step closer to proving that I am the true master of the Alka-Seltzer fist. Alas, I must promise you, when I return from my glorious victory, I’ll make love to you as we once did at the hot springs.”
Robert begins to blush, but turns away as he feels his cheeks hit up. He walks over to his computer, his wallpaper being a scantily dressed anime girl, seductively lying on top of a gundam. He clicks his internet explorer, groans as he realizes his mistake. Minutes pass, and the browser finally opens. He clicks the x in the top right before opening Chrome instead. He opens up the OCW website, determined to learn more of his opponent.
Robert Uchiha: “Tony steals? NO DIGNITY!”
He clicks about rapidly, clicking and clacking at his jizz stained keyboard.
Robert Uchiha: “He never even trained in the art of the blade! How can they expect him to compete with me?”
Uchiha looks to his side, katana still ever-the-ready to slay his enemies in honorable combat.
Robert Uchiha: “If I could’ve used you in my last match, I would’ve achieved victory. What kind of punk dares turn down a clash with a new age ronin? It would’ve been more honorable to fight me at my full strength. Yet, Tony-kun. I wouldn’t even need it, he lacks chakra control and he doesn’t even know a single jutsu. He probably wouldn’t know the difference between a hand sign and a hand job.”
With that Robert rises from his chair, a look of pure confidence comes across his face. There’s no way a pitiful man like Tony the Spider could even compare to the overall power of anime that is held within the heart of this parental disappointment known as Robert Uchiha. He feels a certain something flow through his veins, a Z quality perhaps? Maybe there’s a better name for it. All this young man knows is that his sensei has trained him well beyond his upcoming challenge. Who plays with toys in the bathtub anyhow? What kind of man is he? Real men, like Robert, they master the blade. They master inner power and embrace the essence of the fighting spirit. Real men, like Robert Uchiha, fight for love. To hell if it’s the love of a jizz-filled pillow featuring japanese cartoon women, it’s still love.
Robert Uchiha: "Tony-kun, I look forward to besting you in combat. A tainted soul, and wasted life such as yours will learn true power. You don’t have enough hatred.”
Robert Uchiha’s mother’s voice echoes down the stairwell, filling his room.
Mom: “Robert! Your pizza rolls are done!”
Robert Uchiha snaps back to reality, and runs up the stairs on all fours, perhaps his most impressive feat, rushing to get some of them good ole yummy yummy pizza rolls in his tum tum, as the scene fades to black.
Robert Uchiha: “Miss Hokage, I’m happy you could join me tonight. Luckily my parents are having a date night of their own.”
Robert sits in his chair, fedora firmly placed on his head, one hand firmly placed on his sheathed blade with the other rotating a rose. He lifts his head looking at the, err woman? No, it’s a fucking pillow, and we’re gonna call it just that. He lifts his head looking at his pillow. He flashes what he perceives to be a dashing smile, instead it looks like he’s 4-days constipated. The young man starts speaking in a high pitched terrible impression of a woman.
Robert Uchiha (as Tsunade): “Oh Robert Uchiha, you’re so handsome. I love being with you, nothing brings more jo-”
As he speaks the front door opens and we are greeted by Uchiha’s parents. His dad, still rocking that beautiful Magnum P.I. moustache, wearing an AC/DC shirt. His mother has her hair curled and is in a long skirt with a floral blouse.
Dad: “What the sam hell are you doing boy!”
Robert jumps to his feet, startled. They said they wouldn’t be home until 11, his plans are blown.
Robert Uchiha: “I thought you guys were gonna be out late?”
Dad: “I thought you were gonna move out of the house, I guess we were both wrong.”
His dad walks over to his couch and turns on the TV as he starts to watch the news. His mom stands quizzically looking at her son and the creepy pillow. She turns away and walks upstairs to her room. Perhaps it’s better to just ignore the whole thing. Robert grabs his pillow, and heads down to the basement. As he makes his descent his dad yells at him.
Dad: “If you ever bring your dirty sex pillow into my kitchen again, I’m gonna bring my foot in your ass”
At the bottom of the stairs our lovable weeaboo tosses his body pillow gently on the bed. It lays flat in the center, Robert has a slight smirk fill his face before speaking.
Robert Uchiha: “As much as I want to, I can’t. I have to prepare for my upcoming match. I’ve been building my chakra since I saw the announcement. I, Robert Uchiha, rogue shinobi, hero of time, shall defeat Tony-kun, my one true rival. With his defeat, I’ll be a step closer to proving that I am the true master of the Alka-Seltzer fist. Alas, I must promise you, when I return from my glorious victory, I’ll make love to you as we once did at the hot springs.”
Robert begins to blush, but turns away as he feels his cheeks hit up. He walks over to his computer, his wallpaper being a scantily dressed anime girl, seductively lying on top of a gundam. He clicks his internet explorer, groans as he realizes his mistake. Minutes pass, and the browser finally opens. He clicks the x in the top right before opening Chrome instead. He opens up the OCW website, determined to learn more of his opponent.
Robert Uchiha: “Tony steals? NO DIGNITY!”
He clicks about rapidly, clicking and clacking at his jizz stained keyboard.
Robert Uchiha: “He never even trained in the art of the blade! How can they expect him to compete with me?”
Uchiha looks to his side, katana still ever-the-ready to slay his enemies in honorable combat.
Robert Uchiha: “If I could’ve used you in my last match, I would’ve achieved victory. What kind of punk dares turn down a clash with a new age ronin? It would’ve been more honorable to fight me at my full strength. Yet, Tony-kun. I wouldn’t even need it, he lacks chakra control and he doesn’t even know a single jutsu. He probably wouldn’t know the difference between a hand sign and a hand job.”
With that Robert rises from his chair, a look of pure confidence comes across his face. There’s no way a pitiful man like Tony the Spider could even compare to the overall power of anime that is held within the heart of this parental disappointment known as Robert Uchiha. He feels a certain something flow through his veins, a Z quality perhaps? Maybe there’s a better name for it. All this young man knows is that his sensei has trained him well beyond his upcoming challenge. Who plays with toys in the bathtub anyhow? What kind of man is he? Real men, like Robert, they master the blade. They master inner power and embrace the essence of the fighting spirit. Real men, like Robert Uchiha, fight for love. To hell if it’s the love of a jizz-filled pillow featuring japanese cartoon women, it’s still love.
Robert Uchiha: "Tony-kun, I look forward to besting you in combat. A tainted soul, and wasted life such as yours will learn true power. You don’t have enough hatred.”
Robert Uchiha’s mother’s voice echoes down the stairwell, filling his room.
Mom: “Robert! Your pizza rolls are done!”
Robert Uchiha snaps back to reality, and runs up the stairs on all fours, perhaps his most impressive feat, rushing to get some of them good ole yummy yummy pizza rolls in his tum tum, as the scene fades to black.