Post by Brianna Casablancas on Mar 21, 2014 20:16:49 GMT -5
"So how long ago was it?" Alice asks from the steering wheel of their rent-a-car. Brianna is in the passenger seat looking at a white picket fence in a suburb of Orlando ...looking very unsure about something.
"About six years ago." Brianna began with a smile that masked a bundle of nerves. "I was still going through my rebellious phase due to the falling out with my parents and living a life without discipline. I went a little too far down the other path for a bit in College and ended up with a little surprise I just was not ready for at that time."
"Do you, you know, regret the decision?" Alice asks as Brianna continues to look at this white house.
"That is a tough question to answer, love." Brianna says as she works up some courage inside the silver prius that is parked out on the street of this mystery cottage. "It was one of those things where I think 'what if' and realize what I missed out on ...but then look at how far along I have come since then and how had I NOT made that decision, I would not be where I am at but more importantly I would be affecting someone else's life ... probably for the negative. And I just could not do that."
"Then why revisit that decision ...especially right now with that Central Title match with Ian, who has been ruthless, lingering?" Alice asks with genuine concern for her friend and tag team partner.
"It is a funny predicament with all of that poppycock." Brianna began thinking about her dysfunctional relationship with her opponent at Blackout 2. "Ian Bishop kind of sent me on this little journey I have been going on. Hearing him talk like he really knew me; like he knew what I have been through; like he knew who I am and who I was. It made me want to confront myself; my mistakes; my tough choices. How could I go into the ring with someone who was looking to break me mentally ...mind you focusing on the wrong things ...when I have not confronted those choices in a long time. I needed to put those petty grudges and heartbreaking moments to rest before I finish the job I began with Ian when I handed him that Central title. When I first visited my father, I didn't know that I had already started the journey, but that lead me to my mother which brought me ...here."
"And you look more terrified than I have ever seen you." Alice is concerned with her good buddy as the stress is written all over Brianna's face.
"As much as my relationship with my parents draws heavy on my heart, this was a decision that DOES haunt me everyday. I DO ask myself 'what if' every night. And part of me does believe that I squandered an opportunity that was handed to myself. Maybe it wasn't the opportunity that I wanted at the time ...but it was an opportunity to be something else; to be something my parents could not have been."
Alice adds something to Brianna's little monologue. "But ..."
"But I knew I couldn't handle it. The other culprit in his creation, didn't want anything to do with me. It would have ruined his career as a leading mind in psychology today. I am also not one to actively destroy a man's marriage if I can help it. It was a responsibility I couldn't comprehend for those painful nine months. As left wing as I am, I couldn't do the controversial method, so I went what I consider the more humane route. I went the route that would give him a fighting chance in this world ...with a couple that couldn't have one of their own and that seemed really nice." Brianna stops as if she were looking through a window into her past when she was a little more foolish and a whole hell of a lot more amorous. She looks back towards her partner in crime.
"I take it this your first time seeing him?" Alice raises an eyebrow to her.
"That is correct." Brianna begins as her voice gets more subdued and distant. "The mother sent me letters for the first few weeks after the birth but as he grew older and their responsibilities grew more and as I started wrapping my head into my books and just trying to 'let go' the writing back and forth ended."
"You get a chance to see him and it sounds like his new mother and father do not mind." Alice is just merely speculating but she is right in that. "You don't know if you are ready or not."
"No, no I don't." Brianna says shaking her head as she can see the woman she gave her child to through the mirror of the house. She is picking up toys and straightening pillows; she is living a completely different life than Brianna is. For starters she isn't getting beat up every week by a bitter Canadian and his friends from the local YMCA. Brianna thinks that she is probably living a very suburban life ...a life that she could have been living.
"Hey, we can turn this car right around and go to the gator farm. Its free t-shirt day!" Alice says as she puts the keys back in the ignition. Brianna stops her.
"Thanks dear, but this is something I need to do. This is something I need to face before I face the other child in my life." Brianna says as she opens the door and closes it behind her. She takes a deep breath at she stares at the red door of what would probably be the ideal house she would have always wanted to live in if she was ever going to start a family. And as she watched the blonde woman who her child is calling mother rummage in the front room ...there was a slight tinge of jealousy in Brianna. It is a feeling that she hasn't had in years, but it was there. Fortunately she has learned how to repress a negative feeling that like that. She takes another deep breath before moving towards the house and facing the life she gave away.
Alice looks on in the car until Brianna is not in sight anymore. She then slams her fist on the dashboard. "Dammit! I was this close to a free Alligator t-shirt from Al's Bargain Gator Farm!"
Brianna unlatches the white picket fence and begins up the cement walkway with green grass on each side. There is even a rosebush off to the side of the yard. In front of the door was door mat that said 'welcome.' Brianna lightly taps on the door of this home. A female voice echoes from the other end.
"I will be there in a second." The lady says. To Brianna she sounds quite stressed out by something ...maybe it was just the life of a mother. A life she has yet to know for herself. Though she did go through the pain that comes with it. But as she heard the woman rushing to the door and yelling at someone to 'stop drawing on the walls' Brianna figured that the excruciating pain that comes with childbirth is only the start of the wild ride that is parenting. THAT part of it, she has no experience in ...and doesn't know if she wants it.
After a few seconds, the lady she gave her son away to answers the door. Brianna remembers what she looked like when she met her. If she remembers correctly, she is about her age, give or take a few months. But this woman barely resembles the woman she met with six years. The most notable difference is that this woman seems to be at least 60 pounds heavier which Brianna chalks up to stress eating. There are heavy bags under her eyes and seems as if most of her blonde hair is graying under closer inspection. SOMETHING made this young lady age more rapidly over the last few years and Brianna suspects she knows what. Looking at this lady makes her think that maybe dealing with Ian is a breeze considering the six year war this lady has gone through. There even seems to be stress lines on her forehead that indicate how hard she had it just living life as a mother. But despite all of that, she gives her Brianna a warm smile. "Bianca, hi!"
"Good day, June. And I have been going by Brianna as of late. But it is great to see you again."
June forces a pleasant smile while she gives the next little compliment which is one hundred percent true. "Wow, you do not look like you aged a day since we last met."
Brianna forces out a chuckle to the mother of her would be child. "You haven't seen the bruises all around my body." June gives her a weird look. "From my new profession. That other stuff is far behind me."
"I thought you were a psychologist" June says as she welcomes Brianna into her home and leads her to the dining room.
"I am. I do that while I have also pursued my love for physical warfare in the art of professional wrestling." Brianna says as she waits for June to take a seat at her own dinner table. In a distant room, she can hear some video tape featuring what can only be described as a repressed homosexual dinosaur talking about loving everyone. Clearly this dinosaur has not heard of STD's. Nonetheless, she does feel a sense of loss as she hears a little boy singing along with the tape. She wonders if she made the right choice coming here.
"Wow," June begins. "That is an odd choice."
"It is. But it is an odd choice that I have been thoroughly enjoying ..despite how much money I spend on Aspirin per week." Brianna says as June immediately gets to her feet and heads to the kitchen.
"Can I get you coffee or tea or a bagel or something?" June asks as she is already in the kitchen and trying to be a good host to the person that gave her what seems to be both a gift AND a curse.
"A glass of water would be perfect." Brianna requests as she hears a crash in the other room.
"IDRIS, KEEP IT DOWN! WE HAVE COMPANY!" June yells from the kitchen.
"I AM HUNGRY!" The voice of the little boy screams.
"Just wait a few minutes, I am going to bring you some apple slices." June yells at him a little more calm this time. She then turns her to speak to her house guest. "Sorry Bia... Brianna. But you know how kids can be."
She really didn't but she smiled and answered back in polite manner. "It is okay. Do what you need to do. I am just happy you received my phone call and let me visit."
"Oh, of course." June said as she carefully worded the next part so her adopted son wouldn't piece anything together given the identity of this stranger. "After the gift you gave me, I think you have every right to check in now and again." Brianna thought that was weird that despite ALL of this; all of the aging and all of the stress, she STILL see's her son as a gift. She comes back into the dining room with Apple slices on a plate in one hand and in the other is a glass of water for Brianna. "There you go."
"Thank you." Brianna said as she handed her the glass.
"I am about to bring Idris his afternoon snack. Would you like to see him?" June asks as it seems as if time freeze for that moment. "If you want to. There is no rush."
"I ...uh..." Brianna begins to stammer as she is between getting up to follow this lady to meet her son face to face for the first time since she gave birth to him and sitting still. Her mind is suddenly in a haze in this split second. She knows moments that can break her psyches when she sees it. Yes, the meeting with her mum ran that gamut too ...but this could make her just mentally check out before the most important match of her career. Was she willing to risk all of this progress just to see her son for the first time in six years? Is something from the past SO important that is prepared to be distracted going into Blackout 2 weekend?
She gets up and follows June upstairs towards the sound of that bloody homosexual dinosaur. "He is a really sweet child ...though he might have that fire of rebellion that a lot of children have. But Phil and I have been working with him and when he is nice ...he is REALLY nice."
"I am sure you did a smashing job raising him." Brianna compliments her as step by step she gets closer to the room that houses that prehistoric singer who is now mocking her. "Thank you for keeping his name. You didn't have to do that."
"It was such a lovely name AND it was the LEAST we could do for the opportunity you provided us." Idris's adoptive mother says as they finally reach the top of the stairs. Sensing Brianna's instinct to run far away from here she turns to the lady that looks and, in many ways, acts so much younger than her. "There is no pressure. If you do not want to meet him, you don't have to. Some people just need to know they are safe."
Brianna takes a deep breath before answering the lady. "No, this is something I need to know. If I don't, it is going to haunt me going into a situation where I can't allow ghosts."
June looks confused at her. "I am not really sure what you are getting at but I will take that as a yes."
"Indeed!" Brianna says nodding her head. "I am terrified but like a few other things this past week, this is just one thing that I need to face."
"Okay." June says as she opens the door where the dinosaur has finished singing but now teaching about ABC's or numbers or not trafficking humans or something. Jumping up and down in the room with a big 'Teletubbies' poster above the television is a mocha skinned little boy. He is wearing a 'Captain American' T-shirt and looks to be performing a little kid's interpretation of kung fu. He stops when his mom calls him and notices a stranger present. With unease but maybe some familiarity, Idris stops kid-fu. "Idris, I brought you your snack. And this is ..."
"My name is Brianna, love and I am ..." she pauses as she looks into the eyes of the child that she gave away. Her lips begin to quiver as her do water for like the third time this week as she has no idea how to introduce herself or what is she supposed to say to the child she abandoned to focus on her career?
Luckily, he finishes the sentence for her.
"and you are going to kick to Ian Bishop's ass!" He says before continuing his faux kung-fu ...even more excited now that a wrestling hero is here.
"IDRIS! Where did you hear that word from?" June pauses confused on how she would have even recognized Brianna when she appears on programming he isn't supposed to be watching. "And how do you know who she is?"
"Dad lets me watch it."
"Dammit Phil!" June says to her husband who is busy at work as Brianna smiles at this firecracker of a child.
Fighting tears while also smiling at the fact that he DOES know her; not just that, he knows her as she would like her to be known: as a fighter. He doesn't see her as a girl who ran away from her parents or gave up her only child. He sees her as the witty brave WOMAN who fights against those who stand for negativity. "Yes, that is right, Idris. But please don't use such language around ladies, love. Lets just say that I am going to give Ian what he has been asking for for week's now."
"He is a big jerk." Idris says before doing a fart noise in reference to Ian.
"That he is. That he is." Brianna, still with tears that Idris doesn't even notice kneels down to him and begins looking at his toys. What else do you like my dear?"
He holds up a unicorn that he taped corn chips onto. He also sat a large muscular He-man looking figure. In a deep, almost demonic voice, the boy yells. "SORRY FOR LIVING!"
Brianna grabs an action figure and begins to play with the young boy who would be her son as his adopted mother is in the process of dialing her husband for letting him watch such horrid television shows.
LATER
With a more confident smile on her face than she has had since Ian's assault on her a few weeks ago she leaves the Dalton household and gives June a big hug. "Thank you ever so much for letting me see him."
June tightens the hug. "My pleasure ...but I hope you don't mind that we are going to try to not have him watching wrestling for a couple more years. You know, the violence against women thing."
Brianna lets go of the embrace and looks at June almost laughing ...while still fighting that feeling of having given up something VERY special. "That is understandable. But I want to THANK YOU for all you have done for him. You ARE a very strong lady ...much stronger than myself in some regards. Let him be who he wants to be and you will be a PERFECT mother."
"Thank you so much. Come visit him anytime." Idris's adoptive mother tells her.
"Next time I am in town, I just might." Brianna says before turning towards the car where Alice sits looking bored to tears. "TTFN!"
June waves as Brianna walks away from the perfect house with the perfect yard ...with maybe a not so perfect family who lives there. But THAT in of itself is perfect. Being flawed is a form of perfection. It is a form a normalcy. And to ignore the flaws that surround us and that are within ourselves is lying to ourselves. There is that tinge of regret inside as she walks away from that normal life ...back to her life of getting beat up and possible injuries looming at every turn. Could she have been a good mom? Or would the pressure drive her to behave like her parents? Or would she just be neglectful. Certainly, she wouldn't do as good of a job as June has, would she?
She opens the door to the car as Alice sings along with the radio.
"My Milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Damn right, it's better than your. Damn right, its better than yours. I would teach you but I would have to charge." Alice finishes singing as she notices the forlorn look on Brianna's face. She turns down the radio and gives her a curious expression. "So?"
Brianna doesn't look at her. She doesn't seem sad nor extremely happy. She stares forward with a blank expression. The look is a rarity for her. There is usually some kind of emotion coming from her face. But now there is nothing. It isn't necessarily a bad thing but it is unusual for her. With facing forward,she begins to speak. "For the last three weeks, I read articles, had conversations, and heard radio interviews asking 'why?' 'Why would I give up an opportunity like the Central title to someone who didn't do anything to deserve it? What was I thinking? Do I know what I was giving up? Why waste an opportunity like that to prove a point that not a whole lot of people understood?"
Brianna pauses as Alice just lets her talk. Alice could kinda tell that she maybe just needed to vent out these emotions. "The truth is: after the decision I made six years ago, handing Ian a title that I earned was quite easy. Sure, nobody understood it nor did Ian really. But to me, it was quite easier than any of the other TOUGH decisions I have made in my life. And unlike Idris and unlike my parents, it was something I was always sure I could get back if I ever wanted it back. It is, as I have been saying all of this time, a title belt. It isn't a measure of who I AM. It isn't a measure of what I can DO in the ring. And it isn't a reflection on my own self-belief. Those things are all within me. Those things were all built through those decision I made that lead me to be the woman that I am today. Those are lessons and values that Ian can not take from me. And title or not, those are things that will always remain and make me who I am ...for better or for worse."
Brianna put her seat belt on as she continued her little impromptu rousing speech as Alice looks on fascinated with Brianna's statement. "But the opportunity I gave up was a GIFT to Ian Bishop. I know many speculate that I did it to spite him ...but really, I gave him what he was asking for. He didn't deserve it but EVERY person deserves a chance to back up exactly what they are saying. And despite beating him in a House of Mirrors match. Despite the fact that I STILL beat him with Mario Marauko's help. Despite the fact that he was the one who picked this fight. AND despite the fact that he probably would not have been in the Central title scene if it wasn't for me. Despite the fact that he has proved that he didn't even deserve the opportunity ...I gave him that opportunity on a silver platter."
She chuckles to herself ...Alice tries chuckling too but stops herself when she realizes that Brianna was going to continue with her little monologue. "But the thing with being a champion is that it is kind of like being a parent. You can't just sit there and expect people to acknowledge you as one. They both involve a whole lot of responsibility that most just aren't ready for. It involves care and attention to EVERYTHING going on in your life. It involves multi-tasking. And it involves people criticising your every move even though they have no right to talk; even though they don't know what you have to go through on a regular basis. Being a champion and being a parent is what you make of it. But most importantly, you need to be mentally ready to be one."
Brianna pauses for a moment gives a hmmmmm as Alice begins chewing on the strings of her sweater. "So how did Ian fair as the parent of the Central title for the last little bit?"
"I don't know, how?" Alice finally asks.
"Here is the thing: sure, the circumstances on how he won the title probably weren't ideal for him. It wasn't the way he wanted to win it which was why he has sort of side stepped that issue to avoid being called a paper champion. Sure, denial is a WAY to deflect criticism ...but do you know what is a better way to do it?"
"Going to Al's Gator Discount Gator Barn for our free t-shirt?" Alice asks with her sweater strings still in her mouth.
Brianna giggles this off before continuing. "Just being a fighting champion. So what he was handed the championship? He could have saved face by demanding to defend his title over the last three weeks. He didn't have to throw all of his attention on me when he was holding a meaningless title ...he CHOSE to pay more attention to me than the fact that he was given a gift. He could have turned away from me and took on all comers to give that title meaning to him; to this company trying to make it's come back. He could have gone out of his way to be THE face of the company while the Lethal Lottery was going on but instead he decided to dig into my past and get into my head. He could have been the talk of the industry but instead he felt that introducing new member after new member to his Family was much more important than the company's main title at the time. Here you had Gavin Reed and The Great One making claims of the Southern Champion being more important than the one Ian carries and instead of proving those men wrong he concentrated on everything BUT making sure his title was meaningless."
"I did NONE of that to him. He didn't have to be handed his title and accept his fate, but he did. A better man would have taken the ball and ran with it but he didn't. He did what most neglectful parent does; he ignored the major issues and focused on trivial things in that time ...basically anything BUT his championship, the thing that he so coveted so much beforehand. He got what he wanted and he forgot all about it. Tell me more about how 'bitching' the newest member of the Family is?" She asks sarcastically with a smile on her face.
"Instead of proving EVERYTHING I was saying lead up to Resurrection wrong, he was content on instead solidifying all of my claims. By squandering the opportunity I provided to him, the whole 'forfeiting the title' bugaboo accomplished its purpose. He was indeed exposed as being an unfit parent; a man who was NOT ready for the responsibility handed to him. It exposed him as a man who was COMPLETELY not ready to be competing on the level he is competing at this point. He was, and still is, a man who is NOT ready to be a champion." She stops and lightens her mood a bit as she laughs a little bit. "Bloody hell, the guy might not be ready to be wrestling at a professional level. I have been doing nothing but getting my arse beat down from him every week and there is talk about the match not moving forward because of it. Again, I have been on the side of beating since my debut and the man is so fragile, his bones break in throes of a tiny brawl?
"Yeah, I was meaning to ask what is up with that?" Alice raises an eyebrow as they are still parked outside Idris's adoptive parent's house.
"Could be a myriad of things." Brianna shrugs from her passenger seat. "It could be legitimate injury and if the match gets thrown out because of it ...well, he just found a way to keep his paper championship reign going longer and if that is the case I say 'good on you, lad.' It doesn't change anything everyone has been saying about him. Or the match could very well go on and he could have found an excuse for why he lost. OR, and this is the option I am leaning more towards: it is another desperate attempt to pull one over on me in a month FULL of him trying to pull one over on me. Either way, I am wrestling this match the way I normally would: with no mercy toward him."
"Wait ...what happened to this experiment that you had going with him?" Alice asks as she yawns a bit but is still quite intrigued by her friend's take on this upcoming match with a man who could best be described as her arch enemy.
"Oh, it is still an experiment but it is an experiment that he altered in a way." Brianna gives her a confident wink at what has become her best friend. "The experiment got amazing results. I got to gage how an insecure man reacts to being handed something he didn't deserve and the result was that he talks as if he was something but he doesn't model himself as a champion. Of course, like most test subjects who sign up for an experiment, he decided to conduct his OWN little experiment on me. But there is a reason why we go to school to learn how to go about such procedures ...we want to do the right research and not get an adverse reaction from the subject. In his rebellion and acting out, he made the mistake most novices make during their first experiments: HE ASSUMED!"
Alice nods as she fumbles for the keys with Brianna continuing to speak about her opponent and her big match.
"He assumed he knew me! He assumed that he knew what I held dear! He assumed he knew about my past and family! He assumed I was as much a blank slate as he was! He assumed the best way to get to me was beating up a chair and ripping up some papers without knowing the deeper meaning of those things. He assumed that beating an associate up was going to tear me wide open.
"Love," Brianna begins looking at Alice with apologetic eyes but still AMAZING passion for the subject matter she is talking about. "I am going to state this very clearly and I hope you don't see this as me talking sharply to you but this is kind of a serious situation." She stops and then states her claim very clearly as a few kids play outside the car on this street in Orlando. "Ian doesn't have a bloody idea what I am! He doesn't know what I lost; he doesn't know what I willing gave up. He doesn't know the people that hate me for me being myself. Ian does not know me. And the fact that he came out here and pretended to do so is downright insulting. I have been through a lot, usually CAUSED by myself, can he be so arrogant to assume that he can do any worse? If he wants to see the pain those decisions caused; if he wants to see the pain that lay dormant inside from those decisions, well, he is bloody well going to get results to his little counter experiment."
"I will not need violent attacks on his past." Brianna is now looking at a program for Blackout 2 in her hands. On the cover is Ian Bishop with his Central title on his shoulder with a smug look on his face. Behind him are Roach, Mario Marauko, and Sean Fuller. Brianna smiles while shaking her head at the fact that promotions recognize who holds the the title not the PERSON holding the title. "I will not need a group of men to help me. And I most definitely will not need to be surrounded by mirrors this time. The best way to show him the strong powerful person those painful decision made is to do the one thing neither of us have on the other: earning a pinfall. Sure, I won the title last time around, but it isn't as final as a pinfall victory over him will be." "But it is what comes after that is more important. I will be handed an opportunity once again and instead of giving it away to someone who doesn't deserve it ...I will hold it so the populace can look at the two of us and do the compare and contrast. They will see that this is a responsibility that I have been ready for for a while now and that Ian was just in over his head. But I owe a lot of people the task of being a good nurturer to this responsibility; I owe them a fighting champion. When I finish the paperwork on this little experiment with Ian, I will be defending the Central title leading all the way up to Total Demolition. And only then will Ian see the person I have become; the person that only a lifetime of mistakes and sacrifices can create: a champion; a concept that he will not be able to understand until that point." Brianna puts the program down and looks at her good friend. "But before then, I believe we have a Gator Barn to go to."
"Wow ....Brianna ...just Wow." Alice says in the drivers starting the car. "If we leave now we can get our free Gator t-shirt."
"I am sorry love. I guess everything has just been leading up to that revelation when it comes to my relationship with Mr. Bishop and my own life in general. And the funny thing, Alice? I would never have reached this point without him. I guess I do owe him some gratitude." Brianna says with a smirk as she look on at the house that would never be hers and the child that would NEVER really be hers. But at least he knows that she exists. At least he can watch her when his true mom isn't looking. And most importantly, she left him with a woman that was ready for the responsibility she wasn't ready for at the time. As the car drives off, she really does feel like she is ready to take on whatever life my give her now. Her doubts are now at rest as is her feelings towards her parents and herself as a parent. "I stand by the decisions that I made and what has brought me here. I am proud."
"Well, you will get a chance to tell him that on Sunday." Alice says peeling out of the suburban neighborhood and towards the Gator barn.
"That I do love." The prius speeds towards the sunset as Brianna watches the white house and white picket fence disappear in the rearview window. "That I do!" Brianna notices the sweater strings in Alice's mouth. She pulls them out of her mouth. "Dear, don't play with your clothes. I spent a lot of money on them."
"But Brianna!" Alice says from the steering wheel.
"I said no!"
"About six years ago." Brianna began with a smile that masked a bundle of nerves. "I was still going through my rebellious phase due to the falling out with my parents and living a life without discipline. I went a little too far down the other path for a bit in College and ended up with a little surprise I just was not ready for at that time."
"Do you, you know, regret the decision?" Alice asks as Brianna continues to look at this white house.
"That is a tough question to answer, love." Brianna says as she works up some courage inside the silver prius that is parked out on the street of this mystery cottage. "It was one of those things where I think 'what if' and realize what I missed out on ...but then look at how far along I have come since then and how had I NOT made that decision, I would not be where I am at but more importantly I would be affecting someone else's life ... probably for the negative. And I just could not do that."
"Then why revisit that decision ...especially right now with that Central Title match with Ian, who has been ruthless, lingering?" Alice asks with genuine concern for her friend and tag team partner.
"It is a funny predicament with all of that poppycock." Brianna began thinking about her dysfunctional relationship with her opponent at Blackout 2. "Ian Bishop kind of sent me on this little journey I have been going on. Hearing him talk like he really knew me; like he knew what I have been through; like he knew who I am and who I was. It made me want to confront myself; my mistakes; my tough choices. How could I go into the ring with someone who was looking to break me mentally ...mind you focusing on the wrong things ...when I have not confronted those choices in a long time. I needed to put those petty grudges and heartbreaking moments to rest before I finish the job I began with Ian when I handed him that Central title. When I first visited my father, I didn't know that I had already started the journey, but that lead me to my mother which brought me ...here."
"And you look more terrified than I have ever seen you." Alice is concerned with her good buddy as the stress is written all over Brianna's face.
"As much as my relationship with my parents draws heavy on my heart, this was a decision that DOES haunt me everyday. I DO ask myself 'what if' every night. And part of me does believe that I squandered an opportunity that was handed to myself. Maybe it wasn't the opportunity that I wanted at the time ...but it was an opportunity to be something else; to be something my parents could not have been."
Alice adds something to Brianna's little monologue. "But ..."
"But I knew I couldn't handle it. The other culprit in his creation, didn't want anything to do with me. It would have ruined his career as a leading mind in psychology today. I am also not one to actively destroy a man's marriage if I can help it. It was a responsibility I couldn't comprehend for those painful nine months. As left wing as I am, I couldn't do the controversial method, so I went what I consider the more humane route. I went the route that would give him a fighting chance in this world ...with a couple that couldn't have one of their own and that seemed really nice." Brianna stops as if she were looking through a window into her past when she was a little more foolish and a whole hell of a lot more amorous. She looks back towards her partner in crime.
"I take it this your first time seeing him?" Alice raises an eyebrow to her.
"That is correct." Brianna begins as her voice gets more subdued and distant. "The mother sent me letters for the first few weeks after the birth but as he grew older and their responsibilities grew more and as I started wrapping my head into my books and just trying to 'let go' the writing back and forth ended."
"You get a chance to see him and it sounds like his new mother and father do not mind." Alice is just merely speculating but she is right in that. "You don't know if you are ready or not."
"No, no I don't." Brianna says shaking her head as she can see the woman she gave her child to through the mirror of the house. She is picking up toys and straightening pillows; she is living a completely different life than Brianna is. For starters she isn't getting beat up every week by a bitter Canadian and his friends from the local YMCA. Brianna thinks that she is probably living a very suburban life ...a life that she could have been living.
"Hey, we can turn this car right around and go to the gator farm. Its free t-shirt day!" Alice says as she puts the keys back in the ignition. Brianna stops her.
"Thanks dear, but this is something I need to do. This is something I need to face before I face the other child in my life." Brianna says as she opens the door and closes it behind her. She takes a deep breath at she stares at the red door of what would probably be the ideal house she would have always wanted to live in if she was ever going to start a family. And as she watched the blonde woman who her child is calling mother rummage in the front room ...there was a slight tinge of jealousy in Brianna. It is a feeling that she hasn't had in years, but it was there. Fortunately she has learned how to repress a negative feeling that like that. She takes another deep breath before moving towards the house and facing the life she gave away.
Alice looks on in the car until Brianna is not in sight anymore. She then slams her fist on the dashboard. "Dammit! I was this close to a free Alligator t-shirt from Al's Bargain Gator Farm!"
Brianna unlatches the white picket fence and begins up the cement walkway with green grass on each side. There is even a rosebush off to the side of the yard. In front of the door was door mat that said 'welcome.' Brianna lightly taps on the door of this home. A female voice echoes from the other end.
"I will be there in a second." The lady says. To Brianna she sounds quite stressed out by something ...maybe it was just the life of a mother. A life she has yet to know for herself. Though she did go through the pain that comes with it. But as she heard the woman rushing to the door and yelling at someone to 'stop drawing on the walls' Brianna figured that the excruciating pain that comes with childbirth is only the start of the wild ride that is parenting. THAT part of it, she has no experience in ...and doesn't know if she wants it.
After a few seconds, the lady she gave her son away to answers the door. Brianna remembers what she looked like when she met her. If she remembers correctly, she is about her age, give or take a few months. But this woman barely resembles the woman she met with six years. The most notable difference is that this woman seems to be at least 60 pounds heavier which Brianna chalks up to stress eating. There are heavy bags under her eyes and seems as if most of her blonde hair is graying under closer inspection. SOMETHING made this young lady age more rapidly over the last few years and Brianna suspects she knows what. Looking at this lady makes her think that maybe dealing with Ian is a breeze considering the six year war this lady has gone through. There even seems to be stress lines on her forehead that indicate how hard she had it just living life as a mother. But despite all of that, she gives her Brianna a warm smile. "Bianca, hi!"
"Good day, June. And I have been going by Brianna as of late. But it is great to see you again."
June forces a pleasant smile while she gives the next little compliment which is one hundred percent true. "Wow, you do not look like you aged a day since we last met."
Brianna forces out a chuckle to the mother of her would be child. "You haven't seen the bruises all around my body." June gives her a weird look. "From my new profession. That other stuff is far behind me."
"I thought you were a psychologist" June says as she welcomes Brianna into her home and leads her to the dining room.
"I am. I do that while I have also pursued my love for physical warfare in the art of professional wrestling." Brianna says as she waits for June to take a seat at her own dinner table. In a distant room, she can hear some video tape featuring what can only be described as a repressed homosexual dinosaur talking about loving everyone. Clearly this dinosaur has not heard of STD's. Nonetheless, she does feel a sense of loss as she hears a little boy singing along with the tape. She wonders if she made the right choice coming here.
"Wow," June begins. "That is an odd choice."
"It is. But it is an odd choice that I have been thoroughly enjoying ..despite how much money I spend on Aspirin per week." Brianna says as June immediately gets to her feet and heads to the kitchen.
"Can I get you coffee or tea or a bagel or something?" June asks as she is already in the kitchen and trying to be a good host to the person that gave her what seems to be both a gift AND a curse.
"A glass of water would be perfect." Brianna requests as she hears a crash in the other room.
"IDRIS, KEEP IT DOWN! WE HAVE COMPANY!" June yells from the kitchen.
"I AM HUNGRY!" The voice of the little boy screams.
"Just wait a few minutes, I am going to bring you some apple slices." June yells at him a little more calm this time. She then turns her to speak to her house guest. "Sorry Bia... Brianna. But you know how kids can be."
She really didn't but she smiled and answered back in polite manner. "It is okay. Do what you need to do. I am just happy you received my phone call and let me visit."
"Oh, of course." June said as she carefully worded the next part so her adopted son wouldn't piece anything together given the identity of this stranger. "After the gift you gave me, I think you have every right to check in now and again." Brianna thought that was weird that despite ALL of this; all of the aging and all of the stress, she STILL see's her son as a gift. She comes back into the dining room with Apple slices on a plate in one hand and in the other is a glass of water for Brianna. "There you go."
"Thank you." Brianna said as she handed her the glass.
"I am about to bring Idris his afternoon snack. Would you like to see him?" June asks as it seems as if time freeze for that moment. "If you want to. There is no rush."
"I ...uh..." Brianna begins to stammer as she is between getting up to follow this lady to meet her son face to face for the first time since she gave birth to him and sitting still. Her mind is suddenly in a haze in this split second. She knows moments that can break her psyches when she sees it. Yes, the meeting with her mum ran that gamut too ...but this could make her just mentally check out before the most important match of her career. Was she willing to risk all of this progress just to see her son for the first time in six years? Is something from the past SO important that is prepared to be distracted going into Blackout 2 weekend?
She gets up and follows June upstairs towards the sound of that bloody homosexual dinosaur. "He is a really sweet child ...though he might have that fire of rebellion that a lot of children have. But Phil and I have been working with him and when he is nice ...he is REALLY nice."
"I am sure you did a smashing job raising him." Brianna compliments her as step by step she gets closer to the room that houses that prehistoric singer who is now mocking her. "Thank you for keeping his name. You didn't have to do that."
"It was such a lovely name AND it was the LEAST we could do for the opportunity you provided us." Idris's adoptive mother says as they finally reach the top of the stairs. Sensing Brianna's instinct to run far away from here she turns to the lady that looks and, in many ways, acts so much younger than her. "There is no pressure. If you do not want to meet him, you don't have to. Some people just need to know they are safe."
Brianna takes a deep breath before answering the lady. "No, this is something I need to know. If I don't, it is going to haunt me going into a situation where I can't allow ghosts."
June looks confused at her. "I am not really sure what you are getting at but I will take that as a yes."
"Indeed!" Brianna says nodding her head. "I am terrified but like a few other things this past week, this is just one thing that I need to face."
"Okay." June says as she opens the door where the dinosaur has finished singing but now teaching about ABC's or numbers or not trafficking humans or something. Jumping up and down in the room with a big 'Teletubbies' poster above the television is a mocha skinned little boy. He is wearing a 'Captain American' T-shirt and looks to be performing a little kid's interpretation of kung fu. He stops when his mom calls him and notices a stranger present. With unease but maybe some familiarity, Idris stops kid-fu. "Idris, I brought you your snack. And this is ..."
"My name is Brianna, love and I am ..." she pauses as she looks into the eyes of the child that she gave away. Her lips begin to quiver as her do water for like the third time this week as she has no idea how to introduce herself or what is she supposed to say to the child she abandoned to focus on her career?
Luckily, he finishes the sentence for her.
"and you are going to kick to Ian Bishop's ass!" He says before continuing his faux kung-fu ...even more excited now that a wrestling hero is here.
"IDRIS! Where did you hear that word from?" June pauses confused on how she would have even recognized Brianna when she appears on programming he isn't supposed to be watching. "And how do you know who she is?"
"Dad lets me watch it."
"Dammit Phil!" June says to her husband who is busy at work as Brianna smiles at this firecracker of a child.
Fighting tears while also smiling at the fact that he DOES know her; not just that, he knows her as she would like her to be known: as a fighter. He doesn't see her as a girl who ran away from her parents or gave up her only child. He sees her as the witty brave WOMAN who fights against those who stand for negativity. "Yes, that is right, Idris. But please don't use such language around ladies, love. Lets just say that I am going to give Ian what he has been asking for for week's now."
"He is a big jerk." Idris says before doing a fart noise in reference to Ian.
"That he is. That he is." Brianna, still with tears that Idris doesn't even notice kneels down to him and begins looking at his toys. What else do you like my dear?"
He holds up a unicorn that he taped corn chips onto. He also sat a large muscular He-man looking figure. In a deep, almost demonic voice, the boy yells. "SORRY FOR LIVING!"
Brianna grabs an action figure and begins to play with the young boy who would be her son as his adopted mother is in the process of dialing her husband for letting him watch such horrid television shows.
LATER
With a more confident smile on her face than she has had since Ian's assault on her a few weeks ago she leaves the Dalton household and gives June a big hug. "Thank you ever so much for letting me see him."
June tightens the hug. "My pleasure ...but I hope you don't mind that we are going to try to not have him watching wrestling for a couple more years. You know, the violence against women thing."
Brianna lets go of the embrace and looks at June almost laughing ...while still fighting that feeling of having given up something VERY special. "That is understandable. But I want to THANK YOU for all you have done for him. You ARE a very strong lady ...much stronger than myself in some regards. Let him be who he wants to be and you will be a PERFECT mother."
"Thank you so much. Come visit him anytime." Idris's adoptive mother tells her.
"Next time I am in town, I just might." Brianna says before turning towards the car where Alice sits looking bored to tears. "TTFN!"
June waves as Brianna walks away from the perfect house with the perfect yard ...with maybe a not so perfect family who lives there. But THAT in of itself is perfect. Being flawed is a form of perfection. It is a form a normalcy. And to ignore the flaws that surround us and that are within ourselves is lying to ourselves. There is that tinge of regret inside as she walks away from that normal life ...back to her life of getting beat up and possible injuries looming at every turn. Could she have been a good mom? Or would the pressure drive her to behave like her parents? Or would she just be neglectful. Certainly, she wouldn't do as good of a job as June has, would she?
She opens the door to the car as Alice sings along with the radio.
"My Milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Damn right, it's better than your. Damn right, its better than yours. I would teach you but I would have to charge." Alice finishes singing as she notices the forlorn look on Brianna's face. She turns down the radio and gives her a curious expression. "So?"
Brianna doesn't look at her. She doesn't seem sad nor extremely happy. She stares forward with a blank expression. The look is a rarity for her. There is usually some kind of emotion coming from her face. But now there is nothing. It isn't necessarily a bad thing but it is unusual for her. With facing forward,she begins to speak. "For the last three weeks, I read articles, had conversations, and heard radio interviews asking 'why?' 'Why would I give up an opportunity like the Central title to someone who didn't do anything to deserve it? What was I thinking? Do I know what I was giving up? Why waste an opportunity like that to prove a point that not a whole lot of people understood?"
Brianna pauses as Alice just lets her talk. Alice could kinda tell that she maybe just needed to vent out these emotions. "The truth is: after the decision I made six years ago, handing Ian a title that I earned was quite easy. Sure, nobody understood it nor did Ian really. But to me, it was quite easier than any of the other TOUGH decisions I have made in my life. And unlike Idris and unlike my parents, it was something I was always sure I could get back if I ever wanted it back. It is, as I have been saying all of this time, a title belt. It isn't a measure of who I AM. It isn't a measure of what I can DO in the ring. And it isn't a reflection on my own self-belief. Those things are all within me. Those things were all built through those decision I made that lead me to be the woman that I am today. Those are lessons and values that Ian can not take from me. And title or not, those are things that will always remain and make me who I am ...for better or for worse."
Brianna put her seat belt on as she continued her little impromptu rousing speech as Alice looks on fascinated with Brianna's statement. "But the opportunity I gave up was a GIFT to Ian Bishop. I know many speculate that I did it to spite him ...but really, I gave him what he was asking for. He didn't deserve it but EVERY person deserves a chance to back up exactly what they are saying. And despite beating him in a House of Mirrors match. Despite the fact that I STILL beat him with Mario Marauko's help. Despite the fact that he was the one who picked this fight. AND despite the fact that he probably would not have been in the Central title scene if it wasn't for me. Despite the fact that he has proved that he didn't even deserve the opportunity ...I gave him that opportunity on a silver platter."
She chuckles to herself ...Alice tries chuckling too but stops herself when she realizes that Brianna was going to continue with her little monologue. "But the thing with being a champion is that it is kind of like being a parent. You can't just sit there and expect people to acknowledge you as one. They both involve a whole lot of responsibility that most just aren't ready for. It involves care and attention to EVERYTHING going on in your life. It involves multi-tasking. And it involves people criticising your every move even though they have no right to talk; even though they don't know what you have to go through on a regular basis. Being a champion and being a parent is what you make of it. But most importantly, you need to be mentally ready to be one."
Brianna pauses for a moment gives a hmmmmm as Alice begins chewing on the strings of her sweater. "So how did Ian fair as the parent of the Central title for the last little bit?"
"I don't know, how?" Alice finally asks.
"Here is the thing: sure, the circumstances on how he won the title probably weren't ideal for him. It wasn't the way he wanted to win it which was why he has sort of side stepped that issue to avoid being called a paper champion. Sure, denial is a WAY to deflect criticism ...but do you know what is a better way to do it?"
"Going to Al's Gator Discount Gator Barn for our free t-shirt?" Alice asks with her sweater strings still in her mouth.
Brianna giggles this off before continuing. "Just being a fighting champion. So what he was handed the championship? He could have saved face by demanding to defend his title over the last three weeks. He didn't have to throw all of his attention on me when he was holding a meaningless title ...he CHOSE to pay more attention to me than the fact that he was given a gift. He could have turned away from me and took on all comers to give that title meaning to him; to this company trying to make it's come back. He could have gone out of his way to be THE face of the company while the Lethal Lottery was going on but instead he decided to dig into my past and get into my head. He could have been the talk of the industry but instead he felt that introducing new member after new member to his Family was much more important than the company's main title at the time. Here you had Gavin Reed and The Great One making claims of the Southern Champion being more important than the one Ian carries and instead of proving those men wrong he concentrated on everything BUT making sure his title was meaningless."
"I did NONE of that to him. He didn't have to be handed his title and accept his fate, but he did. A better man would have taken the ball and ran with it but he didn't. He did what most neglectful parent does; he ignored the major issues and focused on trivial things in that time ...basically anything BUT his championship, the thing that he so coveted so much beforehand. He got what he wanted and he forgot all about it. Tell me more about how 'bitching' the newest member of the Family is?" She asks sarcastically with a smile on her face.
"Instead of proving EVERYTHING I was saying lead up to Resurrection wrong, he was content on instead solidifying all of my claims. By squandering the opportunity I provided to him, the whole 'forfeiting the title' bugaboo accomplished its purpose. He was indeed exposed as being an unfit parent; a man who was NOT ready for the responsibility handed to him. It exposed him as a man who was COMPLETELY not ready to be competing on the level he is competing at this point. He was, and still is, a man who is NOT ready to be a champion." She stops and lightens her mood a bit as she laughs a little bit. "Bloody hell, the guy might not be ready to be wrestling at a professional level. I have been doing nothing but getting my arse beat down from him every week and there is talk about the match not moving forward because of it. Again, I have been on the side of beating since my debut and the man is so fragile, his bones break in throes of a tiny brawl?
"Yeah, I was meaning to ask what is up with that?" Alice raises an eyebrow as they are still parked outside Idris's adoptive parent's house.
"Could be a myriad of things." Brianna shrugs from her passenger seat. "It could be legitimate injury and if the match gets thrown out because of it ...well, he just found a way to keep his paper championship reign going longer and if that is the case I say 'good on you, lad.' It doesn't change anything everyone has been saying about him. Or the match could very well go on and he could have found an excuse for why he lost. OR, and this is the option I am leaning more towards: it is another desperate attempt to pull one over on me in a month FULL of him trying to pull one over on me. Either way, I am wrestling this match the way I normally would: with no mercy toward him."
"Wait ...what happened to this experiment that you had going with him?" Alice asks as she yawns a bit but is still quite intrigued by her friend's take on this upcoming match with a man who could best be described as her arch enemy.
"Oh, it is still an experiment but it is an experiment that he altered in a way." Brianna gives her a confident wink at what has become her best friend. "The experiment got amazing results. I got to gage how an insecure man reacts to being handed something he didn't deserve and the result was that he talks as if he was something but he doesn't model himself as a champion. Of course, like most test subjects who sign up for an experiment, he decided to conduct his OWN little experiment on me. But there is a reason why we go to school to learn how to go about such procedures ...we want to do the right research and not get an adverse reaction from the subject. In his rebellion and acting out, he made the mistake most novices make during their first experiments: HE ASSUMED!"
Alice nods as she fumbles for the keys with Brianna continuing to speak about her opponent and her big match.
"He assumed he knew me! He assumed that he knew what I held dear! He assumed he knew about my past and family! He assumed I was as much a blank slate as he was! He assumed the best way to get to me was beating up a chair and ripping up some papers without knowing the deeper meaning of those things. He assumed that beating an associate up was going to tear me wide open.
"Love," Brianna begins looking at Alice with apologetic eyes but still AMAZING passion for the subject matter she is talking about. "I am going to state this very clearly and I hope you don't see this as me talking sharply to you but this is kind of a serious situation." She stops and then states her claim very clearly as a few kids play outside the car on this street in Orlando. "Ian doesn't have a bloody idea what I am! He doesn't know what I lost; he doesn't know what I willing gave up. He doesn't know the people that hate me for me being myself. Ian does not know me. And the fact that he came out here and pretended to do so is downright insulting. I have been through a lot, usually CAUSED by myself, can he be so arrogant to assume that he can do any worse? If he wants to see the pain those decisions caused; if he wants to see the pain that lay dormant inside from those decisions, well, he is bloody well going to get results to his little counter experiment."
"I will not need violent attacks on his past." Brianna is now looking at a program for Blackout 2 in her hands. On the cover is Ian Bishop with his Central title on his shoulder with a smug look on his face. Behind him are Roach, Mario Marauko, and Sean Fuller. Brianna smiles while shaking her head at the fact that promotions recognize who holds the the title not the PERSON holding the title. "I will not need a group of men to help me. And I most definitely will not need to be surrounded by mirrors this time. The best way to show him the strong powerful person those painful decision made is to do the one thing neither of us have on the other: earning a pinfall. Sure, I won the title last time around, but it isn't as final as a pinfall victory over him will be." "But it is what comes after that is more important. I will be handed an opportunity once again and instead of giving it away to someone who doesn't deserve it ...I will hold it so the populace can look at the two of us and do the compare and contrast. They will see that this is a responsibility that I have been ready for for a while now and that Ian was just in over his head. But I owe a lot of people the task of being a good nurturer to this responsibility; I owe them a fighting champion. When I finish the paperwork on this little experiment with Ian, I will be defending the Central title leading all the way up to Total Demolition. And only then will Ian see the person I have become; the person that only a lifetime of mistakes and sacrifices can create: a champion; a concept that he will not be able to understand until that point." Brianna puts the program down and looks at her good friend. "But before then, I believe we have a Gator Barn to go to."
"Wow ....Brianna ...just Wow." Alice says in the drivers starting the car. "If we leave now we can get our free Gator t-shirt."
"I am sorry love. I guess everything has just been leading up to that revelation when it comes to my relationship with Mr. Bishop and my own life in general. And the funny thing, Alice? I would never have reached this point without him. I guess I do owe him some gratitude." Brianna says with a smirk as she look on at the house that would never be hers and the child that would NEVER really be hers. But at least he knows that she exists. At least he can watch her when his true mom isn't looking. And most importantly, she left him with a woman that was ready for the responsibility she wasn't ready for at the time. As the car drives off, she really does feel like she is ready to take on whatever life my give her now. Her doubts are now at rest as is her feelings towards her parents and herself as a parent. "I stand by the decisions that I made and what has brought me here. I am proud."
"Well, you will get a chance to tell him that on Sunday." Alice says peeling out of the suburban neighborhood and towards the Gator barn.
"That I do love." The prius speeds towards the sunset as Brianna watches the white house and white picket fence disappear in the rearview window. "That I do!" Brianna notices the sweater strings in Alice's mouth. She pulls them out of her mouth. "Dear, don't play with your clothes. I spent a lot of money on them."
"But Brianna!" Alice says from the steering wheel.
"I said no!"