Post by zybala on Sept 29, 2017 12:15:01 GMT -5
We open up in a somewhat spacious backyard. There is a fence at the edge of the yard, the back of a three story house and a driveway to the left. Basically a higher middle class suburban look. The owners aren't filthy rich but aren't starving either. We can tell this isn't Emilio's backyard. It's much cleaner looking and even has a nice flower garden. In the center of the yard is a shoddy looking wrestling ring with an assortment of chairs around it. From lawn, to plastic and metal, to dining room table chairs, even a few bean bag chairs. The usual assortment of people that attend these backyard things are in the seats (family, friends, drunk neighbors. If you backyard wrestled, you know the crowd. If you havent, we don't take to kindly to your kind around here.) Many of the adults are drinking Labatt Blue and Blue Light. Against the fence is a big empty refrigerator box with the letters OCW spray painted on it. On the box is a little. microphone stand with the mic attached. Sitting behind the box is Mike Zybala. He's texting on his phone, passing the time. The camera person coughs loudly and Mike looks up and waves to the camera.
"Do Funk" arts playing and the camera turns towards the drive way. We see Dean come out of a side door holding a microphone of his own and grinning ear to ear. He walks confidently to the ring and gets in. The music stops and Dean begins.
Dean: What up SUCKAS?!?! It's Outsiders Wrestling time! Now, you folks may notices a change in venue. Emilio's wife wasn't cool with us doing another show in her yard. Something about too many drinks throwing up in her yard. But were here in a new, and better location babey! That chump Welsh may have closed down his punk ass version of OCW but Outsiders will live forev.......
Voice from over camera: Dean!! This dishwasher is done!!!!
Dean: Moooooom!!! I'm busy!! I'm revolutionizing the wrestling industry!
Mom: I'll revolutionize your ass if you give me that tone again. Now put these damn dishes away or your friends can go home!!
Dean grumbles as he sets down the mic and walks towards the house. As he walks past the "announce table"..
Zybala: Dude. You live with your mom?? I thought you said this was your house??
Dean: Fuck you, she lives with me.
Dean continues to the house as an overeager Annie rushes past him, kind of giving him a shoulder bump on the way and slide in the ring. She picks up the microphone.
Annie: While Dean is being a good boy, I'll get this show on the road. I am OCW commissioner Annie! (Waits for applause, gets a small smattering of claps. She takes what she can get) Thank you. Thank you. You're too kind. It's my privilege to kick off the show with our first match, which is scheduled for one fall!! Making his way to the ring first, OCW Senior referee, Mitch!!
Annie has her hand out pointing to the house and there is an awkward silence as no one comes out. Dean leans out of one of the windows.
Dean: Mitch is taking a crap right now. He said let them fight until he gets out.
Annie:..... Okaaay... Well, coming to the ring first, from Las Vegas, Nevada. Weighing in at 185 pounds, this is 12!!
"Cocky" by Kid Rock plays over a crappy speaker system as 12 makes his way down the driveway. The "fans" kinda boo as 12 smacks talk them and climbs into the ring.
Annie: and his opponent, from wherever his trailer won't roll away from him, Tony The Spider!!
We hear swearing as someone shouts "fucking c.d." as music is skipping over the speaker. Tony The Spider makes his way to the ring, high fiving the crowd along the way. This earns him some cheers but it's mostly because of his spectacular mullet. Both men are in the ring staring each other down. Mitch is still not out yet. Annie shrugs and calls for the bell and leaves the ring. Zybala reaches down under the box and pulls out a wrench. He hits the metal fence with the wrench three times to start the match. 12 and Tony lock up!
Zybala: Here we go folks. The second official match of Outsider Championship Wrestling. We like to thank our sponsors real quick. Thank you to Mountain Don't soda, Complete Dark is the best flavor. A thanks to unknown sponser Labatt Blue, because Pabst Blue Ribbon is worse than piss water. Thanks to Jorita's nacho chips, and a special thank you for Momma Dean for letting us use her backyard.
Mom: (from the window) You're welcome sweetheart. You kids just mind the flowers?
Zybala: Will do! And after all that, 12 and The Spider are STILL locked up in a collar and elbow.
Indeed there has been no action except this prolonged test of strength. Finally 12 manages to get a wrist lock onto The Spider. Tony is writhing in pain and actually taps out. 12 releases the hold, thinking he has won, but Mitch is still taking a shit. 12 raises his arms and taunts the fans as Tony sneaks up behind him and puts him in a Full Nelson. The fans cheer as one of the little children call 12 a dummy. 12 struggles in the hold for a while before back kicking The Spider in the web sack(if you get my drift. You don't? The balls... He was kicked in the balls.) Tony falls to the mat clutching his groin and 12 starts to stomp him.
Zybala: What a cheap shot from 12. To kick a man in the cash and prizes is so uncalled for. If only..... Wait! Here comes Mitch!!!
A tall, lanky, late 20s sooner looking dude emerges from the house, but before heading to the ring, lights up a joint and takes a hit. He then walks to the ring and gets in 12s face, stopping the stomping.
Mitch: Man, did you kick him in the dick?
12: Who, me? I would never do a thing like that.
Mitch: You sure??
12: Positive dude. I'm chill.
Mitch: Word. The match continues!!
The fans boo and laugh as 12 turns back to Tony, who is back to his feet. 12 goes for a punch, but it's blocked and countered by The Spider! Repeat the process a few times then Tony Irish whips 12 to the ropes. Instead of bouncing back, 12 falls out of the ring as the crappy ropes sag against his weight. 12 slowly gets to his feet and The Spider charges for a dive, but stops when 12 holds out his hands. Tony is confused.
Tony the Spider: What?!
12: Dude. There's dog shit behind me. Dean forgot to clean it up.
Tony the Spider: Oh damn. Thanks for stopping me. that would have been sick.
12: I know, right? How about I go to this side? (Points to another side of the ring.)
Tony the Spider: Sounds good.
Zybala: After a brief exchange of violence and 12 getting tossed from the ring, the two competitors follow the most sacred rule of backyard wrestling. "Always avoid the doggie dookie."
12 moves to the side of the ring he pointed to and checks for dog crap. He gives Tony a thumbs up then starts to act wobbly on his feet. Tony runs and suicide dives over the ropes onto 12, but 12 moves at the last second and The Spider crashes to the grass in a heap. 12 leans over him.
Zybala and 12: Oh my god!! How stupid are you?!
The fans boo as 12 looks at Zybala.
Zybala: What? That was really fucking stupid. Did he expect you to stay still?
Tony the Spider: (groaning from the ground) yeeess....
12 starts to kick Tony as Mitch begins the 10 count. Tony gets dragged to his feet and tossed back into the ring. 12 turns the the people nearest to him and takes the juice from a five years old girl and drinks it all. The girls starts crying and runs to the house yelling for her grandma! 12 gets in the ring and starts to lay more kicks into The Spider when Momma Dean comes storming out.
Momma Dean: 12!! Did you just steal Becky's juice and drink it all??
12: Yeah, but I was just trying to live up to the bad guy image.
Momma Dean: I don't care what you were trying to do. You apologies right now and get her a new juice.
12: But..
Momma Dean: No buts!! Now mister!
12 grumbles and leaves the ring. He grabs Becky's hand and walks towards the house. Mitch pulls out his phone and starts texting someone when Tony the Spider taps him on the shoulder. Mitch looks in confusion.
Tony the Spider: He's out of the ring.
Mitch: So?
Zybala: You're the ref buddy. A ten count would be nice.
Mitch: Oh yeah. I'm really baked right now. Sorry. One!!!
Mitch starts the ten count as we hear 12 shout "What The Fuck?" from the house. He rushes out of the house and trips over a little tricycle and crashes into the fence.
Mitch: Seven!! Eight!!!
12 slide back in the ring before Mitch reaches ten. The Spider starts to stomp on 12, who grabs the ropes. Mitch makes Tony back off because of this time honored wrestling get out of jail free card. 12 pulls himself to his feet and Tony moves in for the kill.
Zybala: 12 looks to be in trouble here. The King of The Mullet means business.
Suddenly a pizza guy walks into the yard.
Pizza Guy: I got a large cheese, pep, and mushroom for Mitch?
Mitch: Yo!
Mitch leaves the ring as Tony the Spider looks on in confusion. While his opponents back is turned, 12 uppercuts Tony between the legs. The Spider doubles over as he clutches himself. 12 locks his fists together and swings upward clocking Tony in the chin who falls in a heap!!
Zybala: 12 just blasted The Spider with the No Doubter. Tony is out!!! And I want a slice of the pizza!
12 covers Tony and yells at Mitch, who is still paying the pizza guy. Mitch looks in the ring and slaps his leg with his hand three times.
Mitch: One, Two, Three!! Winner!! Now shush. I've got the munchies.
12 celebrates as everyone boos.
Zybala: After two uppercuts to both of Tony the Spider heads, 12 becomes your second Outsider Championship Wrestling winner. For Dean, who is still doing the dishes, I'm Mike Zybala and this was Dystopia!!!
"Do Funk" arts playing and the camera turns towards the drive way. We see Dean come out of a side door holding a microphone of his own and grinning ear to ear. He walks confidently to the ring and gets in. The music stops and Dean begins.
Dean: What up SUCKAS?!?! It's Outsiders Wrestling time! Now, you folks may notices a change in venue. Emilio's wife wasn't cool with us doing another show in her yard. Something about too many drinks throwing up in her yard. But were here in a new, and better location babey! That chump Welsh may have closed down his punk ass version of OCW but Outsiders will live forev.......
Voice from over camera: Dean!! This dishwasher is done!!!!
Dean: Moooooom!!! I'm busy!! I'm revolutionizing the wrestling industry!
Mom: I'll revolutionize your ass if you give me that tone again. Now put these damn dishes away or your friends can go home!!
Dean grumbles as he sets down the mic and walks towards the house. As he walks past the "announce table"..
Zybala: Dude. You live with your mom?? I thought you said this was your house??
Dean: Fuck you, she lives with me.
Dean continues to the house as an overeager Annie rushes past him, kind of giving him a shoulder bump on the way and slide in the ring. She picks up the microphone.
Annie: While Dean is being a good boy, I'll get this show on the road. I am OCW commissioner Annie! (Waits for applause, gets a small smattering of claps. She takes what she can get) Thank you. Thank you. You're too kind. It's my privilege to kick off the show with our first match, which is scheduled for one fall!! Making his way to the ring first, OCW Senior referee, Mitch!!
Annie has her hand out pointing to the house and there is an awkward silence as no one comes out. Dean leans out of one of the windows.
Dean: Mitch is taking a crap right now. He said let them fight until he gets out.
Annie:..... Okaaay... Well, coming to the ring first, from Las Vegas, Nevada. Weighing in at 185 pounds, this is 12!!
"Cocky" by Kid Rock plays over a crappy speaker system as 12 makes his way down the driveway. The "fans" kinda boo as 12 smacks talk them and climbs into the ring.
Annie: and his opponent, from wherever his trailer won't roll away from him, Tony The Spider!!
We hear swearing as someone shouts "fucking c.d." as music is skipping over the speaker. Tony The Spider makes his way to the ring, high fiving the crowd along the way. This earns him some cheers but it's mostly because of his spectacular mullet. Both men are in the ring staring each other down. Mitch is still not out yet. Annie shrugs and calls for the bell and leaves the ring. Zybala reaches down under the box and pulls out a wrench. He hits the metal fence with the wrench three times to start the match. 12 and Tony lock up!
Zybala: Here we go folks. The second official match of Outsider Championship Wrestling. We like to thank our sponsors real quick. Thank you to Mountain Don't soda, Complete Dark is the best flavor. A thanks to unknown sponser Labatt Blue, because Pabst Blue Ribbon is worse than piss water. Thanks to Jorita's nacho chips, and a special thank you for Momma Dean for letting us use her backyard.
Mom: (from the window) You're welcome sweetheart. You kids just mind the flowers?
Zybala: Will do! And after all that, 12 and The Spider are STILL locked up in a collar and elbow.
Indeed there has been no action except this prolonged test of strength. Finally 12 manages to get a wrist lock onto The Spider. Tony is writhing in pain and actually taps out. 12 releases the hold, thinking he has won, but Mitch is still taking a shit. 12 raises his arms and taunts the fans as Tony sneaks up behind him and puts him in a Full Nelson. The fans cheer as one of the little children call 12 a dummy. 12 struggles in the hold for a while before back kicking The Spider in the web sack(if you get my drift. You don't? The balls... He was kicked in the balls.) Tony falls to the mat clutching his groin and 12 starts to stomp him.
Zybala: What a cheap shot from 12. To kick a man in the cash and prizes is so uncalled for. If only..... Wait! Here comes Mitch!!!
A tall, lanky, late 20s sooner looking dude emerges from the house, but before heading to the ring, lights up a joint and takes a hit. He then walks to the ring and gets in 12s face, stopping the stomping.
Mitch: Man, did you kick him in the dick?
12: Who, me? I would never do a thing like that.
Mitch: You sure??
12: Positive dude. I'm chill.
Mitch: Word. The match continues!!
The fans boo and laugh as 12 turns back to Tony, who is back to his feet. 12 goes for a punch, but it's blocked and countered by The Spider! Repeat the process a few times then Tony Irish whips 12 to the ropes. Instead of bouncing back, 12 falls out of the ring as the crappy ropes sag against his weight. 12 slowly gets to his feet and The Spider charges for a dive, but stops when 12 holds out his hands. Tony is confused.
Tony the Spider: What?!
12: Dude. There's dog shit behind me. Dean forgot to clean it up.
Tony the Spider: Oh damn. Thanks for stopping me. that would have been sick.
12: I know, right? How about I go to this side? (Points to another side of the ring.)
Tony the Spider: Sounds good.
Zybala: After a brief exchange of violence and 12 getting tossed from the ring, the two competitors follow the most sacred rule of backyard wrestling. "Always avoid the doggie dookie."
12 moves to the side of the ring he pointed to and checks for dog crap. He gives Tony a thumbs up then starts to act wobbly on his feet. Tony runs and suicide dives over the ropes onto 12, but 12 moves at the last second and The Spider crashes to the grass in a heap. 12 leans over him.
Zybala and 12: Oh my god!! How stupid are you?!
The fans boo as 12 looks at Zybala.
Zybala: What? That was really fucking stupid. Did he expect you to stay still?
Tony the Spider: (groaning from the ground) yeeess....
12 starts to kick Tony as Mitch begins the 10 count. Tony gets dragged to his feet and tossed back into the ring. 12 turns the the people nearest to him and takes the juice from a five years old girl and drinks it all. The girls starts crying and runs to the house yelling for her grandma! 12 gets in the ring and starts to lay more kicks into The Spider when Momma Dean comes storming out.
Momma Dean: 12!! Did you just steal Becky's juice and drink it all??
12: Yeah, but I was just trying to live up to the bad guy image.
Momma Dean: I don't care what you were trying to do. You apologies right now and get her a new juice.
12: But..
Momma Dean: No buts!! Now mister!
12 grumbles and leaves the ring. He grabs Becky's hand and walks towards the house. Mitch pulls out his phone and starts texting someone when Tony the Spider taps him on the shoulder. Mitch looks in confusion.
Tony the Spider: He's out of the ring.
Mitch: So?
Zybala: You're the ref buddy. A ten count would be nice.
Mitch: Oh yeah. I'm really baked right now. Sorry. One!!!
Mitch starts the ten count as we hear 12 shout "What The Fuck?" from the house. He rushes out of the house and trips over a little tricycle and crashes into the fence.
Mitch: Seven!! Eight!!!
12 slide back in the ring before Mitch reaches ten. The Spider starts to stomp on 12, who grabs the ropes. Mitch makes Tony back off because of this time honored wrestling get out of jail free card. 12 pulls himself to his feet and Tony moves in for the kill.
Zybala: 12 looks to be in trouble here. The King of The Mullet means business.
Suddenly a pizza guy walks into the yard.
Pizza Guy: I got a large cheese, pep, and mushroom for Mitch?
Mitch: Yo!
Mitch leaves the ring as Tony the Spider looks on in confusion. While his opponents back is turned, 12 uppercuts Tony between the legs. The Spider doubles over as he clutches himself. 12 locks his fists together and swings upward clocking Tony in the chin who falls in a heap!!
Zybala: 12 just blasted The Spider with the No Doubter. Tony is out!!! And I want a slice of the pizza!
12 covers Tony and yells at Mitch, who is still paying the pizza guy. Mitch looks in the ring and slaps his leg with his hand three times.
Mitch: One, Two, Three!! Winner!! Now shush. I've got the munchies.
12 celebrates as everyone boos.
Zybala: After two uppercuts to both of Tony the Spider heads, 12 becomes your second Outsider Championship Wrestling winner. For Dean, who is still doing the dishes, I'm Mike Zybala and this was Dystopia!!!