Post by Bester on Jul 24, 2019 20:09:04 GMT -5
Some time later…..
In the Wal-Mart ice cream aisle is Bester and his new buddy Tweaker, who Bester has learned that his name is Mister Rainer. Mister Rainer is a Vietnam Vet who lives free, unattached by material things like cars, houses, bathtubs and has returned to what he calls an animalistic way of life, living off of the land, preferring to channel the spirit of the caveman and bring it back to the primitive. In other words, homeless with no handouts cuz he’s American and not undocumented.
Mister Rainer spent the last hour opening up tubs of ice cream and licking them, looking up at the led light fixtures and seeing if the message from the aliens that are held against their will at Area 51 is in fact in this pint of ice cream. Bester meanwhile selected one flavor, Ben and Jerry’s naturally, went and paid for it, picked up a spoon from the deli counter and is sitting in the aisle up against one of the coolers, which happens to have the frozen veggies in it, so no one will need it, watching Mister Rainer open, lick, stare up at the lights, and repeat this process for an hour. Then it happened.
Mister Rainer pressed his slightly frozen tongue up against a freshly opened pint of Great Value Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream and that is what the message hits him like a brick.
Mister Rainer: “I found it! YEP! I found it!”
Bester is wide eyed, his mouth hangs open as he watches Mister Rainer slowly slides down the cooler door to the floor clutching his head obviously in much pain. Mister Rainer curls up on the floor, squeezing his head with his hands, rocking back and forth on the floor.
Bester: “Is it the aliens? Are they talking to you? Mister Rainer? Are you okay? Do you need help? What do they say Mister Rainer?”
Mister Rainer: “HELP ME! OH GOD! IT’S HURTS! HELP!”
Bester sets his almostt empty container of ice cream down and slides across the floor on his knees next to Mister Rainer. He puts his arms around him, to comfort him.
Bester: “Help how?”
Mister Rainer: “I can see them! In so much pain! They are talking to me! NO! NO! NO!”
Mister Rainer pulls himself away from Bester and frantically finds another half gallon of ice cream to tear into, sticking his tongue out and plunging it into the ice cream. To Bester amazement, Mister Rainer has found another message after tongue punching the ice cream.
Mister Rainer: “Yes! YES! They speak to me!”
Bester’s mind is blown at this point.
Bester: “Really? What do they say?”
Mister Rainer: “We must save them Bester! They are begging us to storm area 51 and save them! They are telling me, showing me the tests that they are subjected to on a daily basis! The horror! So inhumane!”
Bester: “Tests? What kind of tests? Math tests? I was never good at math tests myself..”
Mister Rainer sits up and takes a hold of Bester’s shirt and draws him close to him, his bad breath forcing Beaster to hold his.
Mister Rainer: “Anal probing! The government is sticking some sort of listening device up their little aliens asses with no lube Bester! NO LUBE BESTER!”
Bester places his hands on Mister Rainer’s hands and pulls them off of his shirt and pushes Mister Rainer back. So he can breathe.
Mister Rainer: “Bester. They need you! They need you to save their anal orfices! They need OGDA! Together! With others, we will storm area 51 and save the aliens!”
Bester: “I don’t know where this Area 51 is. I’ve never heard of it. How many aliens are there? Why would they stick a listening device up….there?”
Mister Rainer: “I’m not sure Bester! But for the love god! They are getting anally raped with no lubricate! This is AMERICA! The least we can do is use a little KY! Those damn Republicans bastards! Their buttholes have rights Bester! Right to cooling gel that numbs and soothes an irritated butthole! I didn’t go to fucking Vietnam and shoot up a bunch of gooks to come back home and have a bunch aliens buttholes savagely violated with no lube!”
Bester: “That was a tad random. Mister Rainer? Can we just storm this Area 51 to save the Aliens? If we save them, don’t we kinda save their ...backsides in the process as well?”
Mister Rainer stands up. He kicks all of the prelicked ice cream that was on the floor away, some of which has been melting for some time now, with no sign of a manager or anything. Just customers tracking the melted ice cream up and down the aisle. Mister Rainer looks down at Bester.
Mister Rainer: “NO MORE BUTTHOLES WILL BE BRUTALIZED ON MY CLOCK! YOU ARE EITHER WITH ME OR AGAINST ME! I WILL STORM AREA 51 TO SAVE THOSE ALIENS ANAL CAVITIES! YOU CAN TELL YOURSELF WHATEVER STORY YOU WISH BESTER! TELL YOURSELF THAT THE GOVERNMENT KILLED MONKEY! TELL YOURSELF THAT THEY KIDNAPPED YOUR GIRLFRIEND AND THOSE ALIENS KNOW WHERE SHE IS! YOU CAN RESCUE YOUR GIRLFRIEND AND MAKE SWEET SWEET LOVE TO HER AGAIN! MAKE UP WHATEVER STORY YOU HAVE TO TO HAVE IT THE TRUTH.”
Bester: “Wait? You said the aliens killed Monkey, now it’s the government?”
Mister Rainer: “DAMN IT BESTER!”
Mister Rainer yanks Bester to his feet by his shirt collar and slaps him across the face.
Mister Rainer: “I MADE THOSE STORIES UP TO GET YOU TO STORM AREA 51! I CAN’T DO THIS ALONE!”
Bester: “So…? Miss Aubrey did run away from me?”
Mister Rainer places his hand on Bester’s shoulder and lets out a sigh.
Mister Rainer: “Bro. She fucked ya and left ya. Plain and simple.”
Bester: “I just want to make sure okay? So she wasn’t kidnapped by the government and placed in a cage will all of the other aliens? I’m just confused."
Mister Rainer: "Oh, uhm, yeah, I might have made that up. I have no idea where that slut is."
Bester: "I see."
Bester feels betrayed at this point and wants to punch Mister Rainer for getting his hopes up as he was awake all night long with the vision of Aubrey in a cage held against her will, which come to find out, was a lie. Bester hates liars.
Bester: "Why are we storming area 51?”
Mister Rainer: “For those puckered Alien buttholes! Jesus! I told you how many times now? Keep up son!”
Bester: “I….uhmm…...okay?”
Mister Rainer: “Just answer this one question for me.”
Bester: “Okay?”
Mister Rainer: “Will you follow me into battle and storm Area 51 and save the Aliens? It is very important Bester. There is something hidden out in that desert, something that the government can’t hide anymore. Something of great power. Something that will change the world for ever. I need you for this mission.”
Bester: “I thought we were saving the Aliens? Why does the story keep changing?”
Mister Rainer: “We are, along with something else.”
Bester: “What?”
Mister Rainer: “I’ll explain later, but I need to know if you are in or not?”
Bester thinks this over for a second. Mister Rainer is all over the place and has confused Bester to no end. But in the end Bester looks at Mister Rainer and nods. Mister Rainer smiles.
Mister Rainer: “Bester my good boy! You have made me so happy! Not only will we get your girlfriend back, save some Alien buttholes, but we will bring an end to this government! I will make them get down on its knees and make them beg for forgiveness! How dare they try and stop me from escaping the dome!”
Bester: “Dome? What dome?”
Mister Rainer: “Never mind that! All that is important is that we find others and get a vehicle we can use to go into battle and save the Aliens! To the list from Craig Bester! We need a four wheel drive Jeep!”
Mister Rainer puts his arm around Bester as they leave WalMarts with Mister Rainer telling him more about Area 51, and making Bester even more confused…….
In the Wal-Mart ice cream aisle is Bester and his new buddy Tweaker, who Bester has learned that his name is Mister Rainer. Mister Rainer is a Vietnam Vet who lives free, unattached by material things like cars, houses, bathtubs and has returned to what he calls an animalistic way of life, living off of the land, preferring to channel the spirit of the caveman and bring it back to the primitive. In other words, homeless with no handouts cuz he’s American and not undocumented.
Mister Rainer spent the last hour opening up tubs of ice cream and licking them, looking up at the led light fixtures and seeing if the message from the aliens that are held against their will at Area 51 is in fact in this pint of ice cream. Bester meanwhile selected one flavor, Ben and Jerry’s naturally, went and paid for it, picked up a spoon from the deli counter and is sitting in the aisle up against one of the coolers, which happens to have the frozen veggies in it, so no one will need it, watching Mister Rainer open, lick, stare up at the lights, and repeat this process for an hour. Then it happened.
Mister Rainer pressed his slightly frozen tongue up against a freshly opened pint of Great Value Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream and that is what the message hits him like a brick.
Mister Rainer: “I found it! YEP! I found it!”
Bester is wide eyed, his mouth hangs open as he watches Mister Rainer slowly slides down the cooler door to the floor clutching his head obviously in much pain. Mister Rainer curls up on the floor, squeezing his head with his hands, rocking back and forth on the floor.
Bester: “Is it the aliens? Are they talking to you? Mister Rainer? Are you okay? Do you need help? What do they say Mister Rainer?”
Mister Rainer: “HELP ME! OH GOD! IT’S HURTS! HELP!”
Bester sets his almostt empty container of ice cream down and slides across the floor on his knees next to Mister Rainer. He puts his arms around him, to comfort him.
Bester: “Help how?”
Mister Rainer: “I can see them! In so much pain! They are talking to me! NO! NO! NO!”
Mister Rainer pulls himself away from Bester and frantically finds another half gallon of ice cream to tear into, sticking his tongue out and plunging it into the ice cream. To Bester amazement, Mister Rainer has found another message after tongue punching the ice cream.
Mister Rainer: “Yes! YES! They speak to me!”
Bester’s mind is blown at this point.
Bester: “Really? What do they say?”
Mister Rainer: “We must save them Bester! They are begging us to storm area 51 and save them! They are telling me, showing me the tests that they are subjected to on a daily basis! The horror! So inhumane!”
Bester: “Tests? What kind of tests? Math tests? I was never good at math tests myself..”
Mister Rainer sits up and takes a hold of Bester’s shirt and draws him close to him, his bad breath forcing Beaster to hold his.
Mister Rainer: “Anal probing! The government is sticking some sort of listening device up their little aliens asses with no lube Bester! NO LUBE BESTER!”
Bester places his hands on Mister Rainer’s hands and pulls them off of his shirt and pushes Mister Rainer back. So he can breathe.
Mister Rainer: “Bester. They need you! They need you to save their anal orfices! They need OGDA! Together! With others, we will storm area 51 and save the aliens!”
Bester: “I don’t know where this Area 51 is. I’ve never heard of it. How many aliens are there? Why would they stick a listening device up….there?”
Mister Rainer: “I’m not sure Bester! But for the love god! They are getting anally raped with no lubricate! This is AMERICA! The least we can do is use a little KY! Those damn Republicans bastards! Their buttholes have rights Bester! Right to cooling gel that numbs and soothes an irritated butthole! I didn’t go to fucking Vietnam and shoot up a bunch of gooks to come back home and have a bunch aliens buttholes savagely violated with no lube!”
Bester: “That was a tad random. Mister Rainer? Can we just storm this Area 51 to save the Aliens? If we save them, don’t we kinda save their ...backsides in the process as well?”
Mister Rainer stands up. He kicks all of the prelicked ice cream that was on the floor away, some of which has been melting for some time now, with no sign of a manager or anything. Just customers tracking the melted ice cream up and down the aisle. Mister Rainer looks down at Bester.
Mister Rainer: “NO MORE BUTTHOLES WILL BE BRUTALIZED ON MY CLOCK! YOU ARE EITHER WITH ME OR AGAINST ME! I WILL STORM AREA 51 TO SAVE THOSE ALIENS ANAL CAVITIES! YOU CAN TELL YOURSELF WHATEVER STORY YOU WISH BESTER! TELL YOURSELF THAT THE GOVERNMENT KILLED MONKEY! TELL YOURSELF THAT THEY KIDNAPPED YOUR GIRLFRIEND AND THOSE ALIENS KNOW WHERE SHE IS! YOU CAN RESCUE YOUR GIRLFRIEND AND MAKE SWEET SWEET LOVE TO HER AGAIN! MAKE UP WHATEVER STORY YOU HAVE TO TO HAVE IT THE TRUTH.”
Bester: “Wait? You said the aliens killed Monkey, now it’s the government?”
Mister Rainer: “DAMN IT BESTER!”
Mister Rainer yanks Bester to his feet by his shirt collar and slaps him across the face.
Mister Rainer: “I MADE THOSE STORIES UP TO GET YOU TO STORM AREA 51! I CAN’T DO THIS ALONE!”
Bester: “So…? Miss Aubrey did run away from me?”
Mister Rainer places his hand on Bester’s shoulder and lets out a sigh.
Mister Rainer: “Bro. She fucked ya and left ya. Plain and simple.”
Bester: “I just want to make sure okay? So she wasn’t kidnapped by the government and placed in a cage will all of the other aliens? I’m just confused."
Mister Rainer: "Oh, uhm, yeah, I might have made that up. I have no idea where that slut is."
Bester: "I see."
Bester feels betrayed at this point and wants to punch Mister Rainer for getting his hopes up as he was awake all night long with the vision of Aubrey in a cage held against her will, which come to find out, was a lie. Bester hates liars.
Bester: "Why are we storming area 51?”
Mister Rainer: “For those puckered Alien buttholes! Jesus! I told you how many times now? Keep up son!”
Bester: “I….uhmm…...okay?”
Mister Rainer: “Just answer this one question for me.”
Bester: “Okay?”
Mister Rainer: “Will you follow me into battle and storm Area 51 and save the Aliens? It is very important Bester. There is something hidden out in that desert, something that the government can’t hide anymore. Something of great power. Something that will change the world for ever. I need you for this mission.”
Bester: “I thought we were saving the Aliens? Why does the story keep changing?”
Mister Rainer: “We are, along with something else.”
Bester: “What?”
Mister Rainer: “I’ll explain later, but I need to know if you are in or not?”
Bester thinks this over for a second. Mister Rainer is all over the place and has confused Bester to no end. But in the end Bester looks at Mister Rainer and nods. Mister Rainer smiles.
Mister Rainer: “Bester my good boy! You have made me so happy! Not only will we get your girlfriend back, save some Alien buttholes, but we will bring an end to this government! I will make them get down on its knees and make them beg for forgiveness! How dare they try and stop me from escaping the dome!”
Bester: “Dome? What dome?”
Mister Rainer: “Never mind that! All that is important is that we find others and get a vehicle we can use to go into battle and save the Aliens! To the list from Craig Bester! We need a four wheel drive Jeep!”
Mister Rainer puts his arm around Bester as they leave WalMarts with Mister Rainer telling him more about Area 51, and making Bester even more confused…….
