Post by Mia Stone on Mar 9, 2014 1:57:37 GMT -5
I stood at the train station, my bags dwarfing me as I looked around for a familiar face, anyone I recognised. But as the rain beat down on the tin roof of the station I quickly realised that face didn't exist any more.
“Mia come on.”
As Janet pushed past me she grabbed one of my bags and began walking away. By the time I had realised what was going on she was already half way down the platform and I had to run to catch up.
“You can't miss this train. This is your new beginning.”
I didn’t want a new beginning. I wanted my life back. I wanted to spend my weekends in Camden, I would have given anything to stand and watch the changing of the guards. There was too many things I hadn't had chance to do and now the opportunity was taken away from me.
“When you arrive you will be met at the station by D.C Fulford. You need to hand over the papers that I packed in your green bag. Do not talk to anyone. Do you understand me?”
She looked around almost nervously, surveying every detail on the faces of those stood within close proximity of us. Probably habit, more likely paranoia, but she knew exactly what and who she was looking for. She pointed at the train and more specifically at a man sat alone in the carriage.
“You are to sit three rows in front of him. He is here to make sure you are kept safe. But under no circumstances do you talk to him.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“This is not a game Mia. I am not coming with you so you have to keep your wits about you.”
“For gods sake O.K!”
Janet wasn't impressed with my tone that was evidentially clear. But as she ushered me onto the train, it was hard to tell if the anger that once was in her voice had changed to one of genuine concern. She probably wouldn't admit it but we both knew I was her favourite.
“I don't want to stay with my uncle.”
I pleaded, I thought if she could see that I would have given anything to stay she would change her mind. I knew it wasn't up to her, that she was only following through with orders that she had been given, which made the whole situation even harder. But she wasn't budging and started to load my bags onto the train.
“Please Janet...”
I tried one last time. She pretended not to hear my voice, but as she turned to say her goodbyes, a single tear fell down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away.
“Hayfeaver.”
She exclaimed. We both knew it wasn't but she couldn't take me off that train now even if she wanted to.
“You're a good kid Mia. You stay out of trouble and you will be just fine.”
A whistle blew, as a voice announced the train was about to leave. We quickly said our goodbyes and just like that she was gone.
…
…...
Janet was clearly shocked at my outburst, and truth be known I was as well. I would argue that I was grabbing her to stop her leaving, that I held on to make her see how much this meant to me. But I would be lying, I wanted her to stop. To stay, not because she wanted to, but because she feared me.
I wanted her to feel my pain.
I knew I was wrong and I didn't know if I was convincing Janet or myself as I mustered up what could be considered a half hearted apology. She looked up as the waiter placed a coffee in front of her, picking up the spoon she stirred the drink ferociously, her wrist now glowing an unfortunate pink.
“Sorry...”
“...OK”
“Right...”
“...Fine.”
The one word conversations had caught the attention of tables nearby, who as hard as they tried couldn't quite hide their excitement of a possibility that there might be a round two. I was at a loss, whatever I did next it was clear that I just couldn’t win.
As the awkward silence continued I un-crumpled the paper Janet handed me earlier. Reading through the rest of the names for the match brought a smile to my face.
The Lost Soul, Hurlock, Santos, Dallas "Real Deal" Steele, Richard, Terry, Martyn
More nobodies. More insignificant participants to a match where the result of which was already a foregone conclusion. By now I had to admit the curiosity of who I was facing was getting the better of me the further on I read, but as quickly as it came the feeling passed. There wasn't even one washed up name that I recognised or one that I would remember long after they vanished from the OCW.
The fact was this match had too much at stake to find my self preoccupied with what was no more than names on a piece of scrap paper. This was the chance for an internet title shot at the next PPV. This was the perfect start to a career where I would go on to win numerous titles, my name would soon become known in every household across the world. To become this person I needed to concentrate and focus on the task in hand, but seeing Janet again had brought up a lot of feelings and memories I thought were well and truly buried. It reignited a past that if given the choice I would rather forget.
“What happened to you Mia? When did you become such a cold faced cow?”
She blurted out her question, which took me slightly by surprise and made me almost sheepish in my reply.
“I don't want to talk about it.”
She laughed. It was almost like she had been given a second wind because out of nowhere she seemed to summon a strength and stand her ground.
“You know what fine. Because whatever made you this way is not worth my time any more. You can't help someone who won't help themselves. If you want to self destruct then that's up to you...”
She paused only momentarily to draw in another breath before she continued her assault.
“Seriously what good do you think will come of this? You think fighting is what will change your life, then you are right. Because fighting did change you, and yet here you are back in the same rut. Do you even know what you are doing? This isn’t just a mess around with the guys at the gym, these are real people relying on you to get up after beating after beating. You can't run away then can you. They won't pander to your bullshit and they won't stand for a common bully.”
Nothing that Janet could say could make me feel any worse than I did at that moment in time. If I could have changed the way things had panned out I would, but as it stood, my bags were packed and I was on the next plane out of the UK and heading straight to Massacre. Sure a shitty little gym wasn't exactly my idea of hitting the big time, but all I needed was one person to spot me and I knew I was going far.
All I needed was to not fuck this up which was easier said than done and if people stand by me then perfect, if not then they know where the door is. I didn't seek approval ever in my life and I wasn't about to start now.
“I think it's time we called this a day.”
Janet said, slightly deflated probably at the lack of reaction on my part. As I looked at my watch hours had flown by and I had to leave. I was due on a plane to arrive at OCW headquarters to sign my life away, make sure that I wouldn't sue them if I fell from a great height and lived out the rest of my life as a cabbage.
It was obvious by now that the other participants in the match would already be running their mouths and proclaiming themselves as the winner. I was happy to sit back and allow them to talk shit and tire themselves out, all that would happen is that it makes my job easier. The more they wind each other up the less preoccupied they are with me. I wasn't stupid I knew that I wasn't the strongest or the biggest, but what I am is the smartest, I am the quickest and I am not living on cloud fucking cookoo which can't be said for most of the current roster.
I have my fair share of problems but at least I am not mental.
“Is this how you want to leave this?”
“It doesn't matter what I want, it's what you want?”
Janet simply shrugged her shoulders as if to admit defeat. It wasn't the most productive of chats but at this point in time she couldn’t have cared less where I was going or what I was planning to do and that suited me fine.
“Will I see you again?”
I asked. Knowing full well going on my behaviour today, she probably wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire. She constantly told me that I lived in a fairy tale world, where happy endings simply didn't exist. She told me time and time again that having my head up in a cloud would be my greatest down fall but her last words as she turned to leave rang around my head all they way on the plane to New York.
“This is witness protection Mia, not fucking Disney Land.”
“Mia come on.”
As Janet pushed past me she grabbed one of my bags and began walking away. By the time I had realised what was going on she was already half way down the platform and I had to run to catch up.
“You can't miss this train. This is your new beginning.”
I didn’t want a new beginning. I wanted my life back. I wanted to spend my weekends in Camden, I would have given anything to stand and watch the changing of the guards. There was too many things I hadn't had chance to do and now the opportunity was taken away from me.
“When you arrive you will be met at the station by D.C Fulford. You need to hand over the papers that I packed in your green bag. Do not talk to anyone. Do you understand me?”
She looked around almost nervously, surveying every detail on the faces of those stood within close proximity of us. Probably habit, more likely paranoia, but she knew exactly what and who she was looking for. She pointed at the train and more specifically at a man sat alone in the carriage.
“You are to sit three rows in front of him. He is here to make sure you are kept safe. But under no circumstances do you talk to him.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“This is not a game Mia. I am not coming with you so you have to keep your wits about you.”
“For gods sake O.K!”
Janet wasn't impressed with my tone that was evidentially clear. But as she ushered me onto the train, it was hard to tell if the anger that once was in her voice had changed to one of genuine concern. She probably wouldn't admit it but we both knew I was her favourite.
“I don't want to stay with my uncle.”
I pleaded, I thought if she could see that I would have given anything to stay she would change her mind. I knew it wasn't up to her, that she was only following through with orders that she had been given, which made the whole situation even harder. But she wasn't budging and started to load my bags onto the train.
“Please Janet...”
I tried one last time. She pretended not to hear my voice, but as she turned to say her goodbyes, a single tear fell down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away.
“Hayfeaver.”
She exclaimed. We both knew it wasn't but she couldn't take me off that train now even if she wanted to.
“You're a good kid Mia. You stay out of trouble and you will be just fine.”
A whistle blew, as a voice announced the train was about to leave. We quickly said our goodbyes and just like that she was gone.
…
…...
Janet was clearly shocked at my outburst, and truth be known I was as well. I would argue that I was grabbing her to stop her leaving, that I held on to make her see how much this meant to me. But I would be lying, I wanted her to stop. To stay, not because she wanted to, but because she feared me.
I wanted her to feel my pain.
I knew I was wrong and I didn't know if I was convincing Janet or myself as I mustered up what could be considered a half hearted apology. She looked up as the waiter placed a coffee in front of her, picking up the spoon she stirred the drink ferociously, her wrist now glowing an unfortunate pink.
“Sorry...”
“...OK”
“Right...”
“...Fine.”
The one word conversations had caught the attention of tables nearby, who as hard as they tried couldn't quite hide their excitement of a possibility that there might be a round two. I was at a loss, whatever I did next it was clear that I just couldn’t win.
As the awkward silence continued I un-crumpled the paper Janet handed me earlier. Reading through the rest of the names for the match brought a smile to my face.
The Lost Soul, Hurlock, Santos, Dallas "Real Deal" Steele, Richard, Terry, Martyn
More nobodies. More insignificant participants to a match where the result of which was already a foregone conclusion. By now I had to admit the curiosity of who I was facing was getting the better of me the further on I read, but as quickly as it came the feeling passed. There wasn't even one washed up name that I recognised or one that I would remember long after they vanished from the OCW.
The fact was this match had too much at stake to find my self preoccupied with what was no more than names on a piece of scrap paper. This was the chance for an internet title shot at the next PPV. This was the perfect start to a career where I would go on to win numerous titles, my name would soon become known in every household across the world. To become this person I needed to concentrate and focus on the task in hand, but seeing Janet again had brought up a lot of feelings and memories I thought were well and truly buried. It reignited a past that if given the choice I would rather forget.
“What happened to you Mia? When did you become such a cold faced cow?”
She blurted out her question, which took me slightly by surprise and made me almost sheepish in my reply.
“I don't want to talk about it.”
She laughed. It was almost like she had been given a second wind because out of nowhere she seemed to summon a strength and stand her ground.
“You know what fine. Because whatever made you this way is not worth my time any more. You can't help someone who won't help themselves. If you want to self destruct then that's up to you...”
She paused only momentarily to draw in another breath before she continued her assault.
“Seriously what good do you think will come of this? You think fighting is what will change your life, then you are right. Because fighting did change you, and yet here you are back in the same rut. Do you even know what you are doing? This isn’t just a mess around with the guys at the gym, these are real people relying on you to get up after beating after beating. You can't run away then can you. They won't pander to your bullshit and they won't stand for a common bully.”
Nothing that Janet could say could make me feel any worse than I did at that moment in time. If I could have changed the way things had panned out I would, but as it stood, my bags were packed and I was on the next plane out of the UK and heading straight to Massacre. Sure a shitty little gym wasn't exactly my idea of hitting the big time, but all I needed was one person to spot me and I knew I was going far.
All I needed was to not fuck this up which was easier said than done and if people stand by me then perfect, if not then they know where the door is. I didn't seek approval ever in my life and I wasn't about to start now.
“I think it's time we called this a day.”
Janet said, slightly deflated probably at the lack of reaction on my part. As I looked at my watch hours had flown by and I had to leave. I was due on a plane to arrive at OCW headquarters to sign my life away, make sure that I wouldn't sue them if I fell from a great height and lived out the rest of my life as a cabbage.
It was obvious by now that the other participants in the match would already be running their mouths and proclaiming themselves as the winner. I was happy to sit back and allow them to talk shit and tire themselves out, all that would happen is that it makes my job easier. The more they wind each other up the less preoccupied they are with me. I wasn't stupid I knew that I wasn't the strongest or the biggest, but what I am is the smartest, I am the quickest and I am not living on cloud fucking cookoo which can't be said for most of the current roster.
I have my fair share of problems but at least I am not mental.
“Is this how you want to leave this?”
“It doesn't matter what I want, it's what you want?”
Janet simply shrugged her shoulders as if to admit defeat. It wasn't the most productive of chats but at this point in time she couldn’t have cared less where I was going or what I was planning to do and that suited me fine.
“Will I see you again?”
I asked. Knowing full well going on my behaviour today, she probably wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire. She constantly told me that I lived in a fairy tale world, where happy endings simply didn't exist. She told me time and time again that having my head up in a cloud would be my greatest down fall but her last words as she turned to leave rang around my head all they way on the plane to New York.
“This is witness protection Mia, not fucking Disney Land.”