Post by King Incredible on Mar 6, 2014 12:19:38 GMT -5
Our beer cans smashed together as the three of us sat next to each other with two of us sitting in our wrestling outfits still and one in his casual clothes. You could hear the sound of the crowd behind Admiral Kamikaze or whatever his name was in the main event here in Lubbock at the South Plains Community College. Roach chugged his beer back in one gulp where Ian Bishop took a few gulps doing it quickly and Mario Marauko drinking about half of his. Roach grabbed another beer can and also handed one to Ian.
“What a fucking night,” Roach laughed, “did you see the fucking look on those two dykes faces?”
“They didn’t see a damn thing,” Mario smirked, taking another sip of his beer, “congratulations on both your victories tonight. I knew I made the right damn decision to ask you two!”
“I’ll drink to that!” Roach yelled, as he and Mario clanged their cans together and drank some more.
Ian glanced at both of them drinking their cans and having a good time. He wasn’t that happy though. Fuck no he wasn’t. He had everything planned out and it was going without a hitch, without any interruptions; it was beautiful. Until that fucking cunt came along and ruined it all. Just like she does. She can’t keep her fucking face out of anything.
Ian chugged the rest of his beer back and crunch the can up in his hands. He threw the can to the ground and headed over to a sink in the locker room where we were having our three man celebration as Roach and Mario looked on with confusion.
“Dude,” Roach said puzzled, “we just fucking laid out those dykes and your getting all fucking emotional?”
“Yeah man,” Mario agreed, “you need to chill out. Everything went down the way it should have tonight.”
Ian glanced up quickly to what Mario said as he finished cleaning off his face.
“Not really,” Ian laughed, “she just came along and pretty much made a mockery out of us. It was supposed to be Roach come out, we dash and then do what we just did. Not have her come out and fuck it all up. Now she’s involved in the match.”
“Do you need a joint?” Roach smirked, “you need to come down a few levels, fuck bud.”
“We’ll get them back,” Mario said, having gotten up and came over to me, “they’re two scrawny bitches with loose change in their bags. Nothing like the three of us can’t handle.”
Ian shook his head slightly having agreed to what Mario just said. All of a sudden though it was like a light bulb flashed in his head. His expression went from a serious stern to look to almost a happy insane hysterical one. He stared at the mirror over the sink and smiled. He had an idea. An idea so great it was like metal music to his ears. The question was, how to pull it off? As much as he loved Roach and Mario, he knew he was going to need some extra help with this one
“I actually just got a wonderful idea,” Ian smiled, rubbing his hands together, “an awful, wonderful idea. Mario… I’m going to need you make some phone calls… lets go get something to eat and talk in private.”
Mario nodded in approval as Roach downed one more beer as the three of them left the locker room and headed out of the college onto their meal to talk the plan to get back at Brianna.
“Can you please tell me when this all started and what set it off?”
The screen flickered as an old man with a white lab coat taking notes was sitting in brown wooden chair. The man’s nametag read Dr. Young. In front of him was a young skinny man loaded with tattoos and was shaking, scratching his arm.
“I can’t!” The young man yelled out in fear.
“You can’t what?” The doctor asked, writing the man’s outburst down, “Tell me how this happened or what set it off? What is the aboulia that’s making you do these hatred outbursts?”
The man thought for a moment but smacked himself in the head as he confused himself.
“I don’t know!” the man cried, covering his eyes with his hands in fear.
“I think you have what we call algophobia,” the doctor said using his fingers as quotations, “it means you have a fear of pain, are you scared to feel pain?
"
Before the kid was able to speak the screen cuts off and Roach and Ian are seen laying in separate queen beds in a very expensive looking hotel in Lubbock, Texas a couple of days out from the Monday Night Massacre there. They both looked bored out of their minds as they are sipping on some beers. Ian had just turned off the TV and looked over at Roach.
“Do you have any fucking clue what he was talking about?” Ian asked, raising his hands in the air.
“Unless it’s Dr. Phil,” Roach began with a smile, “I have no idea what the hell doctors are saying.”
Without warning the hotel room door swings open and in walked Slater Kain. The sudden bang of the door opening caused Roach to spill beer all over his crotch.
“What the fuck Slater?” Roach said cross, drinking little of what was left in his can, “You scared the shit out of me, what’s your fucking problem?”
“I came to get both of you assholes,” Slater barked back, holding a packed suitcase, “we should be on the road!”
“Listen here bud,” Ian began, sitting on the side of the bed and getting into Slater’s face, “don’t be calling someone you just met an asshole!”
“It’s alright Ian,” Roach laughed, separating the two of them, “he’s a little slow in the head, I think!”
Both Ian and Roach share a laugh as Slater lets out a huge sigh and starts waving his arms in the direction of the door.
“Let’s go boys!”
Roach and Ian collect their things and head out but Ian remembers something.
“Slater,” Ian whistled, “don’t forget the case of brews too!”
Slater shakes his head as he runs over and grabs the case of beer. The three men wait for the elevator as a ring is heard and the door opens. Ian goes in first followed by Roach and Slater barely making it in before the doors close. Roach pulls a joint that was sitting his ear as Ian whips his lighter out and ignites it. Roach leans in so the joint lights up and he slowly blows smoke out before passing the beautiful joint to Ian. The three men take their time passing around as they begin to hot box the elevator. The three men begin to laugh as they make their way out of the hotel. Roach’s Dodge Charger is seen parked out front of the hotel as Roach hops in the driver seat as Ian takes the passenger seat leaving Slater in the back to his dismay. The Dodge Charger’s wheels begin to spin filling the parking lot with burnt rubber smoke, Roach puts the car into drive as they peel out of the parking lot onto the road making their way to Shreveport, Louisiana for Massacre.
“Roach,” Ian began to ask, “do you drink and drive?”
“Do I like to drink and drive?” Roach laughed out loud, snorting a bit, “Fucking right I do brother, I am Canadian! You know us Canadians like to drink!”
“Now that’s what I like to hear,” Ian smiled, “I missed being around fine Canadians like yourself! Canada does have the best women and beer!”
“Amen to that!” Roach yelled.
Ian and Roach both go to cheer their beers but realize that they don’t have any in their hands. They both turn their heads around and stare down Slater.
“What the fuck, Slater?” Ian asked furiously, “You’re supposed to make sure that Roach and I always have a beer in our hand!”
“How about three cheers for The Family boys?” Slater smiled as he reaches over to the Pilsner case that is sitting beside him in the back seat. He pulls out a beer for both Ian and Roach. The three men crack there beers and cheers each other.
“Great fucking idea Slater!” Roach exclaimed.
“Yeah man,” Ian agreed, “props bud!”
The three men raise their bottles up and slam them together before pounding a drink back. Roach reaches over to the glove box and pulls out his tin case where he keeps is stash of joints. Roach opens the case and grabs a nice juicy fat joint out of it. Roach hands the case to Ian to put back in the glove box. Roach lights up the joint and takes a puff before passing it to Ian. Ian takes a huge puff, holds it in and hands the joint back to Slater. Ten seconds pass before Ian blows the smoke out and begins to manically cough.
“Holy fucking great Canadian beaver tails,” Ian said shaking his head, “I haven’t smoked this much since my high school days.”
Roach laughs as he reaches back and grabs the joint pass from Slater before hitting the sucker.
“That’s my boy!” Roach laughed, “get those lungs working good!”
“There working fine,” Ian said wide eyed, “but I’m starting to freak out a bit!”
“It’s all good brotha’,” Roach exclaimed, “just take deep breaths and put your head out the window like a big old Newfoundland dog and get some fresh air!”
“No!” Ian protested, “I know what I need… Roach, can I ask you a question?”
“Fuck go ahead champ!” Roach said, excited to hear Ian’s question.
Ian looks at Roach and pauses for dramatic effect before speaking.
“Do you like to ski?”
Roach slowly looks over at Ian as he’s touching his with his left index finger. Roach takes a swig of beer and smirks.
“Bud!” Roach began, “My name is ROACH and fuck yah I like to party and so does my boy Slater in the back too!”
Ian looks back as Slater gives a wink and a nod.
“Well guys,” Ian laughed, “I think I’m going to have do a little rip myself here and get back to my level. The both of you are more than welcome join me. Man, Mario’s missing out, where the fuck is he?”
“No fucking clue,” Roach laughed, high as a kite, “you going to rip or what?”
Ian reaches into the glove box and pulls out Master of Puppets CD case he saw earlier. Ian then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny bag with white powder that really is cocaine. Bishop opens the bag and slowly taps the bag as he gets a nice pile of coke on the middle of the CD case.
“Fuck,” Ian thought, “Slater, give me your ID so I can cut this up and make some lines!”
Slater pulls his wallet out and grab his driver’s license as he hands it to Ian. Ian begins to cut three nice size lines on the case as his eye glows as he stares down the coke. Bishop pulls out a twenty American dollar bill, not to disgrace his Canadian currency, and rolls it tight. The twenty now resembles a small straw as Ian leans down and puts the makeshift straw at the tip of his nose. Ian snorts a quick line then pops his head back up just as quick and whips his nose clean from the extra coke left on the tip. Ian rubs the extra coke on his gums as his eyes are all bright eyed now. Ian hands the tray and straw to Roach, who now has one hand on the tray and the other on the wheel.
“Now that’s what I’m talking about,” Roach yelled excited, licking his lips, “Ian take the wheel for a minute bud!”
Ian takes one hand a grabs the middle of the wheel as Roach leans down and takes one of the lines. Roach takes a very deep breath through his nose and hands the case behind him Slater Kain before retaking the wheel. Roach grabs his beer from his lap and takes a big swig of beer before whipping left over beer from his lip.
“Fuck that’s some good shit,” Roach grinned, giving Ian a thumbs up, “I bet those two bitches that we have to take care of on Monday Night Massacre have no idea how to party like the kings over here. To be honest with you Ian… I kind of think these two enjoy to munch on each other’s carpets, if you know what I mean!”
“Yes!” Ian beamed, high fiving Roach while taking a swig of beer, “I’m glad I’m not the only one who was thinking that… to be honest, Mario and I were having a chat about it the other day. We saw the way they look at each other and touch each other. Very passionate shit.”
“Whoa Ian calm down there,” Roach laughed, “I was kind of getting excited there. The two of them should just quit OCW and audition for that TV show called “The L Word” I believe.”
“Great show,” Ian exclaimed, “just for the tits and ass I mean.”
“Any TV show or movie with tits and ass is good in my books,” Roach winks, taking a gulp of beer, “So, what’s our game plan going into this pointless match against these dikes?”
“To be honest,” Ian began, “We don’t need a game plan Roach, for these Zena the Princess Warrior wannabes. I have already faced Brianna twice and have come out victor and OCW Champion so I know her like a well fit glove and Alice, she has no idea what she’s getting into the ring with; I’m the champ and you’re the hardcore beast! What else can we ask for? We might be the greatest team ever to be in the OCW.”
All of sudden a Roach slams on the breaks and Ian almost hits his face off the dashboard.
“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT FOR PAL?” Ian screamed all coked up.
“Calm down,” Roach barked, “we got a hitchhiker here. I’m going to see if the guy wants a ride.”
“Why the fuck would you do that?”
“This guy might have some good shit on him,” Roach protested, shifting the Charger into a lower gear, “or he might have money that we can take from the poor bastard!”
Roach slowly pulls the dodge charger over to the side of the road where a man is seen standing with his thumb out and a bag beside him on the ground. Roach leans out the window and yells at the man.
“Hey asshole!” Roach yelled, startling the old gray-haired man, “get the hell in the car if you want a ride!”
The man bends down and grabs his bag and runs towards the car. Slater slides over in the back seat as the hitchhiker hops in the back seat of the car.
“Thank you so much,” the man said sincerely.
“Shhhhhhhhh!” Roach interrupted, looking back at the man, “first things first… do you have any drugs on you?”
“Well,” the man slowly began taking a paper bag out of his coat, “I have some mushrooms that I've been saving for awhile—“
Without hesitation Roach reaches his arm in the back.
“Give me them shrooms now!”
The hitchhiker hands Roach the shrooms, Roach reaches in the bag and grabs a handful and tosses them in his mouth before handing the bag over to Ian. Ian grabs a hand full of shrooms too before tossing them in his mouth.
“This is a great idea Roach,” Ian exclaimed, “these are definitely going to help us with our match!”
“Fucking right it is, I thought of it!” Roach laughed, swallowing the last of his shrooms down, “I'm starting to get some ideas right now. Like I think Dean should turn this match into a hardcore match so we can drag these two skanks all over the place. Show them why they do not deserve to be here in the OCW and show them why The Family is the best thing that has ever happened to this business!”
“The world already knows that we're the best,” Ian began to explain with pride, “and how much Briannna and Alice are piece of shit wrestlers and just a waste of space on our roster. There's way more people they could put us in the ring with, but Brianna whored her way around to make her way into the Main Event again! I will take care of Brianna again just like I did at Resurrection to win the Central Championship!”
“I'll take care of her lover Alice,” Roach proclaimed, “I will show her how she really needs to be treated in this business. Alice has no idea what she's getting herself into, she's never met a guy like me that will beat the living shit out of her. I'm going to—“
Before Roach can finish his sentence he stops talking and looks straight. Roach doesn't make a sound or move.
“What's fucking wrong Roach?” Ian asked, waving his hand in front of Roach’s face.
“I think I just seen the road runner run across the road!” Roach cried.
Ian takes a gaze around the area and doesn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. Just as he is about to tell Roach he’s a novice on shrooms the road runner comes back with an army helmet on and holding grenade launcher. Roach stops the car slowly as the two of the hesitate for a moment.
“What should we do?” Roach asked, not even moving his head towards Ian.
“Don’t… move… a fucking… muscle…” Ian slowly says.
All of a sudden the stranger who gave us the mushrooms steps out and walks in front of the Charger. He lets down his bag and gets on his hands and knees and starts to praise the Road Runner. Road Runner twitches his head to the left slightly before reacting.
“Beep beep!”
The Road Runner fires the grenade launcher which explodes upon impact on the stranger and his blood and guts fly all over the car windshield and his head is propped up on the car hood.
“FUCK!”
Roach and Ian both scream as Roach turns on the windshield wiper to wipe away all the guts. The Road Runner is seen reloading the gun and getting ready to cock it. Roach puts the pedal to the metal as he runs over the Road Runner and his body makes the car bump up and down for a moment. Roach continues to speed as bright red and yellow strobe lights appear on the side of the car as we hit almost 180 km/h.
“Slow the fuck down!” Ian screamed, smacking Roach a bit.
“I’m tripping the fuck out man,” Roach panted, “I can’t control the pedals… what the fuck?”
Roach looks down and it appears as though his legs were replaced with little animated garden gnomes from the movie “Gnomeo and Juliet” jumping up and down on the pedals and giggling. Roach shakes his head and then gnomes disappear in smoke and his legs reappear… and so does a baby tiger roaring at Roach in his lap. Ian freaks out as he undo’s his seat belt and kicks the tiger out of the window.
“We need to pull the fuck over!” Ian cried.
Roach pulls over and stops the ignition. The two of them smack their heads with their hands to try a shake the trip out of them. Ian grabs the only wet thing he can find, a Pilsner beer, and splashes it on Roach.
“What a fucking waste of beer!” Roach cried, wiping the beer from his face.
Ian splashes a beer onto his face too as he sakes the bubbles from his face. Roach and I finally calm down a bit before looking back to check on Slater. The old man reappears, who never did leave the Charger, and has bounded Slater and is sucking on his dick!
“Dude I’m still fucking tripping,” Roach said.
“THIS IS REAL!” Slater screamed, trying to free his dick from the strangers mouth.
Ian takes his OCW Central Championship and smashes the old man in the face as he releases and Slater kicks in out of the car. Roach drives away for about a minute before putting the car in park.
“I think we need to chill here for a moment!” Roach suggested.
“Agreed,” I nodded.
Roach thought of the only way to chill out. He rolled up the windows of the car, lit a joint and the three of them began to hot box the car as they were about half way to Shreveport and needed to calm the fuck down before they went any further.
“What a fucking night,” Roach laughed, “did you see the fucking look on those two dykes faces?”
“They didn’t see a damn thing,” Mario smirked, taking another sip of his beer, “congratulations on both your victories tonight. I knew I made the right damn decision to ask you two!”
“I’ll drink to that!” Roach yelled, as he and Mario clanged their cans together and drank some more.
Ian glanced at both of them drinking their cans and having a good time. He wasn’t that happy though. Fuck no he wasn’t. He had everything planned out and it was going without a hitch, without any interruptions; it was beautiful. Until that fucking cunt came along and ruined it all. Just like she does. She can’t keep her fucking face out of anything.
Ian chugged the rest of his beer back and crunch the can up in his hands. He threw the can to the ground and headed over to a sink in the locker room where we were having our three man celebration as Roach and Mario looked on with confusion.
“Dude,” Roach said puzzled, “we just fucking laid out those dykes and your getting all fucking emotional?”
“Yeah man,” Mario agreed, “you need to chill out. Everything went down the way it should have tonight.”
Ian glanced up quickly to what Mario said as he finished cleaning off his face.
“Not really,” Ian laughed, “she just came along and pretty much made a mockery out of us. It was supposed to be Roach come out, we dash and then do what we just did. Not have her come out and fuck it all up. Now she’s involved in the match.”
“Do you need a joint?” Roach smirked, “you need to come down a few levels, fuck bud.”
“We’ll get them back,” Mario said, having gotten up and came over to me, “they’re two scrawny bitches with loose change in their bags. Nothing like the three of us can’t handle.”
Ian shook his head slightly having agreed to what Mario just said. All of a sudden though it was like a light bulb flashed in his head. His expression went from a serious stern to look to almost a happy insane hysterical one. He stared at the mirror over the sink and smiled. He had an idea. An idea so great it was like metal music to his ears. The question was, how to pull it off? As much as he loved Roach and Mario, he knew he was going to need some extra help with this one
“I actually just got a wonderful idea,” Ian smiled, rubbing his hands together, “an awful, wonderful idea. Mario… I’m going to need you make some phone calls… lets go get something to eat and talk in private.”
Mario nodded in approval as Roach downed one more beer as the three of them left the locker room and headed out of the college onto their meal to talk the plan to get back at Brianna.
***
“Can you please tell me when this all started and what set it off?”
The screen flickered as an old man with a white lab coat taking notes was sitting in brown wooden chair. The man’s nametag read Dr. Young. In front of him was a young skinny man loaded with tattoos and was shaking, scratching his arm.
“I can’t!” The young man yelled out in fear.
“You can’t what?” The doctor asked, writing the man’s outburst down, “Tell me how this happened or what set it off? What is the aboulia that’s making you do these hatred outbursts?”
The man thought for a moment but smacked himself in the head as he confused himself.
“I don’t know!” the man cried, covering his eyes with his hands in fear.
“I think you have what we call algophobia,” the doctor said using his fingers as quotations, “it means you have a fear of pain, are you scared to feel pain?
"
Before the kid was able to speak the screen cuts off and Roach and Ian are seen laying in separate queen beds in a very expensive looking hotel in Lubbock, Texas a couple of days out from the Monday Night Massacre there. They both looked bored out of their minds as they are sipping on some beers. Ian had just turned off the TV and looked over at Roach.
“Do you have any fucking clue what he was talking about?” Ian asked, raising his hands in the air.
“Unless it’s Dr. Phil,” Roach began with a smile, “I have no idea what the hell doctors are saying.”
Without warning the hotel room door swings open and in walked Slater Kain. The sudden bang of the door opening caused Roach to spill beer all over his crotch.
“What the fuck Slater?” Roach said cross, drinking little of what was left in his can, “You scared the shit out of me, what’s your fucking problem?”
“I came to get both of you assholes,” Slater barked back, holding a packed suitcase, “we should be on the road!”
“Listen here bud,” Ian began, sitting on the side of the bed and getting into Slater’s face, “don’t be calling someone you just met an asshole!”
“It’s alright Ian,” Roach laughed, separating the two of them, “he’s a little slow in the head, I think!”
Both Ian and Roach share a laugh as Slater lets out a huge sigh and starts waving his arms in the direction of the door.
“Let’s go boys!”
Roach and Ian collect their things and head out but Ian remembers something.
“Slater,” Ian whistled, “don’t forget the case of brews too!”
Slater shakes his head as he runs over and grabs the case of beer. The three men wait for the elevator as a ring is heard and the door opens. Ian goes in first followed by Roach and Slater barely making it in before the doors close. Roach pulls a joint that was sitting his ear as Ian whips his lighter out and ignites it. Roach leans in so the joint lights up and he slowly blows smoke out before passing the beautiful joint to Ian. The three men take their time passing around as they begin to hot box the elevator. The three men begin to laugh as they make their way out of the hotel. Roach’s Dodge Charger is seen parked out front of the hotel as Roach hops in the driver seat as Ian takes the passenger seat leaving Slater in the back to his dismay. The Dodge Charger’s wheels begin to spin filling the parking lot with burnt rubber smoke, Roach puts the car into drive as they peel out of the parking lot onto the road making their way to Shreveport, Louisiana for Massacre.
“Roach,” Ian began to ask, “do you drink and drive?”
“Do I like to drink and drive?” Roach laughed out loud, snorting a bit, “Fucking right I do brother, I am Canadian! You know us Canadians like to drink!”
“Now that’s what I like to hear,” Ian smiled, “I missed being around fine Canadians like yourself! Canada does have the best women and beer!”
“Amen to that!” Roach yelled.
Ian and Roach both go to cheer their beers but realize that they don’t have any in their hands. They both turn their heads around and stare down Slater.
“What the fuck, Slater?” Ian asked furiously, “You’re supposed to make sure that Roach and I always have a beer in our hand!”
“How about three cheers for The Family boys?” Slater smiled as he reaches over to the Pilsner case that is sitting beside him in the back seat. He pulls out a beer for both Ian and Roach. The three men crack there beers and cheers each other.
“Great fucking idea Slater!” Roach exclaimed.
“Yeah man,” Ian agreed, “props bud!”
The three men raise their bottles up and slam them together before pounding a drink back. Roach reaches over to the glove box and pulls out his tin case where he keeps is stash of joints. Roach opens the case and grabs a nice juicy fat joint out of it. Roach hands the case to Ian to put back in the glove box. Roach lights up the joint and takes a puff before passing it to Ian. Ian takes a huge puff, holds it in and hands the joint back to Slater. Ten seconds pass before Ian blows the smoke out and begins to manically cough.
“Holy fucking great Canadian beaver tails,” Ian said shaking his head, “I haven’t smoked this much since my high school days.”
Roach laughs as he reaches back and grabs the joint pass from Slater before hitting the sucker.
“That’s my boy!” Roach laughed, “get those lungs working good!”
“There working fine,” Ian said wide eyed, “but I’m starting to freak out a bit!”
“It’s all good brotha’,” Roach exclaimed, “just take deep breaths and put your head out the window like a big old Newfoundland dog and get some fresh air!”
“No!” Ian protested, “I know what I need… Roach, can I ask you a question?”
“Fuck go ahead champ!” Roach said, excited to hear Ian’s question.
Ian looks at Roach and pauses for dramatic effect before speaking.
“Do you like to ski?”
Roach slowly looks over at Ian as he’s touching his with his left index finger. Roach takes a swig of beer and smirks.
“Bud!” Roach began, “My name is ROACH and fuck yah I like to party and so does my boy Slater in the back too!”
Ian looks back as Slater gives a wink and a nod.
“Well guys,” Ian laughed, “I think I’m going to have do a little rip myself here and get back to my level. The both of you are more than welcome join me. Man, Mario’s missing out, where the fuck is he?”
“No fucking clue,” Roach laughed, high as a kite, “you going to rip or what?”
Ian reaches into the glove box and pulls out Master of Puppets CD case he saw earlier. Ian then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny bag with white powder that really is cocaine. Bishop opens the bag and slowly taps the bag as he gets a nice pile of coke on the middle of the CD case.
“Fuck,” Ian thought, “Slater, give me your ID so I can cut this up and make some lines!”
Slater pulls his wallet out and grab his driver’s license as he hands it to Ian. Ian begins to cut three nice size lines on the case as his eye glows as he stares down the coke. Bishop pulls out a twenty American dollar bill, not to disgrace his Canadian currency, and rolls it tight. The twenty now resembles a small straw as Ian leans down and puts the makeshift straw at the tip of his nose. Ian snorts a quick line then pops his head back up just as quick and whips his nose clean from the extra coke left on the tip. Ian rubs the extra coke on his gums as his eyes are all bright eyed now. Ian hands the tray and straw to Roach, who now has one hand on the tray and the other on the wheel.
“Now that’s what I’m talking about,” Roach yelled excited, licking his lips, “Ian take the wheel for a minute bud!”
Ian takes one hand a grabs the middle of the wheel as Roach leans down and takes one of the lines. Roach takes a very deep breath through his nose and hands the case behind him Slater Kain before retaking the wheel. Roach grabs his beer from his lap and takes a big swig of beer before whipping left over beer from his lip.
“Fuck that’s some good shit,” Roach grinned, giving Ian a thumbs up, “I bet those two bitches that we have to take care of on Monday Night Massacre have no idea how to party like the kings over here. To be honest with you Ian… I kind of think these two enjoy to munch on each other’s carpets, if you know what I mean!”
“Yes!” Ian beamed, high fiving Roach while taking a swig of beer, “I’m glad I’m not the only one who was thinking that… to be honest, Mario and I were having a chat about it the other day. We saw the way they look at each other and touch each other. Very passionate shit.”
“Whoa Ian calm down there,” Roach laughed, “I was kind of getting excited there. The two of them should just quit OCW and audition for that TV show called “The L Word” I believe.”
“Great show,” Ian exclaimed, “just for the tits and ass I mean.”
“Any TV show or movie with tits and ass is good in my books,” Roach winks, taking a gulp of beer, “So, what’s our game plan going into this pointless match against these dikes?”
“To be honest,” Ian began, “We don’t need a game plan Roach, for these Zena the Princess Warrior wannabes. I have already faced Brianna twice and have come out victor and OCW Champion so I know her like a well fit glove and Alice, she has no idea what she’s getting into the ring with; I’m the champ and you’re the hardcore beast! What else can we ask for? We might be the greatest team ever to be in the OCW.”
All of sudden a Roach slams on the breaks and Ian almost hits his face off the dashboard.
“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT FOR PAL?” Ian screamed all coked up.
“Calm down,” Roach barked, “we got a hitchhiker here. I’m going to see if the guy wants a ride.”
“Why the fuck would you do that?”
“This guy might have some good shit on him,” Roach protested, shifting the Charger into a lower gear, “or he might have money that we can take from the poor bastard!”
Roach slowly pulls the dodge charger over to the side of the road where a man is seen standing with his thumb out and a bag beside him on the ground. Roach leans out the window and yells at the man.
“Hey asshole!” Roach yelled, startling the old gray-haired man, “get the hell in the car if you want a ride!”
The man bends down and grabs his bag and runs towards the car. Slater slides over in the back seat as the hitchhiker hops in the back seat of the car.
“Thank you so much,” the man said sincerely.
“Shhhhhhhhh!” Roach interrupted, looking back at the man, “first things first… do you have any drugs on you?”
“Well,” the man slowly began taking a paper bag out of his coat, “I have some mushrooms that I've been saving for awhile—“
Without hesitation Roach reaches his arm in the back.
“Give me them shrooms now!”
The hitchhiker hands Roach the shrooms, Roach reaches in the bag and grabs a handful and tosses them in his mouth before handing the bag over to Ian. Ian grabs a hand full of shrooms too before tossing them in his mouth.
“This is a great idea Roach,” Ian exclaimed, “these are definitely going to help us with our match!”
“Fucking right it is, I thought of it!” Roach laughed, swallowing the last of his shrooms down, “I'm starting to get some ideas right now. Like I think Dean should turn this match into a hardcore match so we can drag these two skanks all over the place. Show them why they do not deserve to be here in the OCW and show them why The Family is the best thing that has ever happened to this business!”
“The world already knows that we're the best,” Ian began to explain with pride, “and how much Briannna and Alice are piece of shit wrestlers and just a waste of space on our roster. There's way more people they could put us in the ring with, but Brianna whored her way around to make her way into the Main Event again! I will take care of Brianna again just like I did at Resurrection to win the Central Championship!”
“I'll take care of her lover Alice,” Roach proclaimed, “I will show her how she really needs to be treated in this business. Alice has no idea what she's getting herself into, she's never met a guy like me that will beat the living shit out of her. I'm going to—“
Before Roach can finish his sentence he stops talking and looks straight. Roach doesn't make a sound or move.
“What's fucking wrong Roach?” Ian asked, waving his hand in front of Roach’s face.
“I think I just seen the road runner run across the road!” Roach cried.
Ian takes a gaze around the area and doesn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. Just as he is about to tell Roach he’s a novice on shrooms the road runner comes back with an army helmet on and holding grenade launcher. Roach stops the car slowly as the two of the hesitate for a moment.
“What should we do?” Roach asked, not even moving his head towards Ian.
“Don’t… move… a fucking… muscle…” Ian slowly says.
All of a sudden the stranger who gave us the mushrooms steps out and walks in front of the Charger. He lets down his bag and gets on his hands and knees and starts to praise the Road Runner. Road Runner twitches his head to the left slightly before reacting.
“Beep beep!”
The Road Runner fires the grenade launcher which explodes upon impact on the stranger and his blood and guts fly all over the car windshield and his head is propped up on the car hood.
“FUCK!”
Roach and Ian both scream as Roach turns on the windshield wiper to wipe away all the guts. The Road Runner is seen reloading the gun and getting ready to cock it. Roach puts the pedal to the metal as he runs over the Road Runner and his body makes the car bump up and down for a moment. Roach continues to speed as bright red and yellow strobe lights appear on the side of the car as we hit almost 180 km/h.
“Slow the fuck down!” Ian screamed, smacking Roach a bit.
“I’m tripping the fuck out man,” Roach panted, “I can’t control the pedals… what the fuck?”
Roach looks down and it appears as though his legs were replaced with little animated garden gnomes from the movie “Gnomeo and Juliet” jumping up and down on the pedals and giggling. Roach shakes his head and then gnomes disappear in smoke and his legs reappear… and so does a baby tiger roaring at Roach in his lap. Ian freaks out as he undo’s his seat belt and kicks the tiger out of the window.
“We need to pull the fuck over!” Ian cried.
Roach pulls over and stops the ignition. The two of them smack their heads with their hands to try a shake the trip out of them. Ian grabs the only wet thing he can find, a Pilsner beer, and splashes it on Roach.
“What a fucking waste of beer!” Roach cried, wiping the beer from his face.
Ian splashes a beer onto his face too as he sakes the bubbles from his face. Roach and I finally calm down a bit before looking back to check on Slater. The old man reappears, who never did leave the Charger, and has bounded Slater and is sucking on his dick!
“Dude I’m still fucking tripping,” Roach said.
“THIS IS REAL!” Slater screamed, trying to free his dick from the strangers mouth.
Ian takes his OCW Central Championship and smashes the old man in the face as he releases and Slater kicks in out of the car. Roach drives away for about a minute before putting the car in park.
“I think we need to chill here for a moment!” Roach suggested.
“Agreed,” I nodded.
Roach thought of the only way to chill out. He rolled up the windows of the car, lit a joint and the three of them began to hot box the car as they were about half way to Shreveport and needed to calm the fuck down before they went any further.
