Post by SYREN IS BEST on Feb 28, 2014 10:08:58 GMT -5
OK so first there's like 20 penguins skating around in a circle, and okay, yeah, I guess this RP is on ice because that sounds fun.
I guess what I really mean is "there're like 20 penguins" but I think "there's 20 penguins" is actually more accepted colloquially, and hey, it just sort of rolls off the tongue better.
Anyway, all thems penguins are skating around in circles, when a huge pirate ship rolls in behind them and a bunch of acrobatic pirates start swinging off on colorful silk ropes hanging from the ceiling. (Wait, what ceiling? [Um, fuck you, who cares?]) Mind you these are not like gritty Black Sails pirates, but sassy theater pirates with vibrant, spotless costumes and tons of eye makeup.
After the pirates swing down (doing all sorts of Cirque de Solealyielliel[sp] type of tricks on their way down) they each pair up with a penguin and begin to do sort of an ice dancing/slow-grind thing.
A song is playing in the background; probably its Celine Dion, or something even funnier than that if you want. I don't give a shit. Obviously.
Then John Riot shows up and he stands in the middle of this ring of skating/dancing pirates/penguins and begins to twirl sensually. He has many colorful ribbons attached to his naked body.
Also note that this John Riot is obviously a completely different and not at all the same person as OCW megajobber Johnny Riot, and so I can't lose any points for unauthorized use of an opponent's character. (But oddly enough, they do look EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME.)
The pirate ship fires its cannons--pink and green and blue strobe lights go wild, and clouds of glitter POOF out of the guns.
All of the pirates and penguins begin to jack each other off. As the song reaches its crescendo, they cum simultaneously, coating John Riot in a thick miasma of reproductive goo.
The lights go down, with the exception of a single spotlight, which follows LilJungleMan onto the scene. He is holding a sheet of paper. He reads from it.
LilJungleMan: "A message from Scott Syren. To whom it may concern: I will win the match against Johnny Riot. He is not as good at wrestling as I am. I have more muscles and bigger charismas. Thank you."
The scene cuts to Prezident Deen (again totally not the same person) sitting in his office. He has been watching this really good RP on the reflective surface of a magic cauldron.
Prezident Deen: "DAYUM MUHFUCK'N SUCKA! I'MM'A GIVE DAT SUCKA-ASS-BYEEEEEITCH FULL MAHFUCK'N CREDIT FOR DAT MAHFUCK'N 'MATCH TALK' CATEGORY WHEN I'M GRADING RPs. YUHKNOWUMSAYIN'?"
Then everybody says "RP" and "e-fed" in-character a bunch of times, just to make you all bitch and cry and stomp your feet indignantly.
~FADE TO MAGENTA!!!~
