Post by Treat Cassidy on Apr 25, 2018 23:12:22 GMT -5
Just outside Cocoa Beach, Florida, Treat Cassidy stands at a podium, several network microphones pointing at his direction. He stands with his signature smug look on his face, as always – looking like a million and one bucks. He cocks his head as two Brevard County Sheriffs deputies come into frame, in the middle of the two burly officers, is one cuffed “Madman of Mayhem” the one the only, Mr. Pectacular, Iggy f’n Hardy. Even between two good size members of law enforcement, Iggy’s jacked stature makes them look like two pint size pussies. Iggy’s head is down as the cops lead him toward the podium, the one on the right grips Iggy’s shoulder rather tight, My oh my if the cuffs were off It’d be safe to say Iggy would probably rip his head off and shit down his windpipe.
However, not the case. The cops finally reach Cassidy. Cassidy nods and smiles fakely at the two. He reaches out and pats Iggy on the back. Iggy looks up, a sullen, dejected look on his face. He nods, forcing a smile at Cassidy only to immediately look back down at his feet.
Cassidy puts his hand over the microphone, then realizes there are 17 mics as he looks around feverishly. He shrugs, and faintly speaks to the cops.
Cassidy: Can we lose the cuffs for this, gentleman? Potential employers will view this… I th—
Before Cassidy can finish, the bigger cop says “Absolutely not.” Clearly, Iggy hasn’t changed much. Unhinged and untrustworthy. Cassidy nods, understanding fully. However, still trying to move mountains for his clients. Cassidy then clears his throat and begins his speel.
Cassidy: Ladies and gentleman, good afternoon. What a beautiful day on the East Coast! It has been a long time since I have even thought about wrestling. I have been producing some television shows, ‘Maxx Million’ will air the pilot on NBC May 25th at 8pm.
Always the businessman, Cassidy shamelessly plugs his own works.
Cassidy: Of course, it is also NASCAR season, as an investor to Roush Racing, I am happy to confirm Matt Kenseth’s return to the sport. It is a good day in NASCAR racing. Heck, I wouldn’t know what a NASCAR was if it wasn’t for Chad Vargas whom introduced me into this money maker back in 2008.
Cassidy laughs, hiding any potential embarrassment.
Cassidy: Speaking of Chad Vargas…
The crowd of journalists buzzes as they talk amongst themselves, absolute excitement generates the entire room as the name of the God amongst men is mentioned. Cassidy arrogantly smiles.
Cassidy: Before we get to “The Confederate Icon”. I regret to inform you, that my client, Mr. Iggy Hardy will unfortunately not be competing in professional wrestling, atleast not for the next 5-years.
The crowd chirps, more buzz surrounds the room.
Cassidy: It is with deep sadness, that I announce Iggy’s upcoming prison sentence. I do not want to air his dirty laundry, but he has been a bad boy. He would absolutely love to get back into the ring, but unfortunately that will not happen.
The cameras focus in on Iggy, absolute fucking rage fills his eyes. If you look close enough, you can see him breathing smoke. Veins in his neck buldge, his arms pulsate. He emanates The Ultimate Warrior, he starts shaking uncontrollably, the two cops look at each other with a ‘What the fuck!?’ look as they tighten the grip on Iggy’s shoulders.
Iggy: MOTHER FUCKERS!!! YOU CAN LOCK ME UP!!! BUT I WILL BE BACK!!! AIN’T NOBODY TAKING MY ASS EITHER!!! YOU KNOW WHY?! BECAUSE I AM TAKING IT!!! I GET PUSSY ONE WAY OR ANOTHER!!!
The cop is heard telling Iggy to shut up. Everyone looks around at one another thinking, ‘Did he really just say he was planning on raping other men?’ Iggy takes a long deep breath and immediately relaxes. After a tense few seconds, Cassidy presses on, slightly uncomfortable, but always the trooper.
Cassidy: …Anyway. There you are folks, Mr. Pectacular. So, uh. Yeah. He will not be competing in Online Championship Wrestling in 2018. I assume you all know which client I will be representing during this era. Of course, I still have a wonderful working relationship with Mack O’Connor, but my longtime client, friend, and new Hall of Famer inductee, Chad Vargas will be introduced officially as a member of Online Championship Wrestling’s roster. I believe he will be holding a press conference of his own in the coming days, where he will field questions and give more insight on his intentions in 2018. I will not be taking questions this afternoon, however with my announcement, I will also inform you all that I am drafting a petition to be formally filed at OCW Front Office to immediately strip The Incredible One of the OCW championship. Each time the OCW has been rebooted, the championship has always been vacated. It happened to Vargas, and Bob Grenier. However, TIO of course brings plenty of chapstick, so certain things go by the wayside when it comes to him. I am certain my petition will be ignored, but I will ensure a valiant effort is put forth to make what’s right, is in fact: right. Lets just stop for a moment, and thank our Pro Wrestling stars that there will be No CJ O’Donnell in OCW this time around.
The most amazing thing happens. At that very moment, everyone in the room – including the two police officers stop and look up to the Pro Wrestling Gods and say ‘Hallelujah’ in unison. Cassidy chuckles.
Cassidy: It appears we are all on the same page. Well, ladies and gentleman, I will not take up anymore of your time. I appreciate you all being here. I need to escort Iggy to Sharpes County Jail. On my website, www.treatcassidy.com there is a link with his address, I’m sure he would like to hear from all of you. While you’re there, go ahead and click ‘Store’ and pick youself up a LIMITED EDITION of my new “What a Treat!” t-shirts! Need a new coozie for your cold beer? You can get one there as well! And please! Do not forget to check out Maxx Million at 8pm on May 25th only on NBC! Its going to be ONE heck of a show! Thanks so much everyone!
Cassidy looks around the room, waving a dorky wave with a big fake smile across his face. Just as he’s about to step down, the opening riff of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Needle and the Spoon” controls the airwaves in the small room. A few of the bias journalists whip (and ney ney?) at the Anti Hero as he makes his way out of the darkness.
The One. The Only.
Chad motherfucking Vargas!
Vargas hasn’t been seen on television quite some time, but man does he look fucking ripped! Vargas walks up on the stage. He stops before the cops, as he looks Iggy up and down. One of the cops tells him to move it along. Vargas shrugs and is about to head to the podium when he stops, and stands right in front of the tough guy cop. They stare one another down for what seems like minutes. Before out of nowhere…
CRACK!
Vargas head butted the cop, busting his nose to pieces. The other cop shocked grabs hold of Vargas but before he touches him Vargas drops him with a stiff haymaker.
PANDEMONIOUM!
Quickly the feed fades to black as everyone rushes to get control of the situation.
Welcome back, Chad Vargas!
However, not the case. The cops finally reach Cassidy. Cassidy nods and smiles fakely at the two. He reaches out and pats Iggy on the back. Iggy looks up, a sullen, dejected look on his face. He nods, forcing a smile at Cassidy only to immediately look back down at his feet.
Cassidy puts his hand over the microphone, then realizes there are 17 mics as he looks around feverishly. He shrugs, and faintly speaks to the cops.
Cassidy: Can we lose the cuffs for this, gentleman? Potential employers will view this… I th—
Before Cassidy can finish, the bigger cop says “Absolutely not.” Clearly, Iggy hasn’t changed much. Unhinged and untrustworthy. Cassidy nods, understanding fully. However, still trying to move mountains for his clients. Cassidy then clears his throat and begins his speel.
Cassidy: Ladies and gentleman, good afternoon. What a beautiful day on the East Coast! It has been a long time since I have even thought about wrestling. I have been producing some television shows, ‘Maxx Million’ will air the pilot on NBC May 25th at 8pm.
Always the businessman, Cassidy shamelessly plugs his own works.
Cassidy: Of course, it is also NASCAR season, as an investor to Roush Racing, I am happy to confirm Matt Kenseth’s return to the sport. It is a good day in NASCAR racing. Heck, I wouldn’t know what a NASCAR was if it wasn’t for Chad Vargas whom introduced me into this money maker back in 2008.
Cassidy laughs, hiding any potential embarrassment.
Cassidy: Speaking of Chad Vargas…
The crowd of journalists buzzes as they talk amongst themselves, absolute excitement generates the entire room as the name of the God amongst men is mentioned. Cassidy arrogantly smiles.
Cassidy: Before we get to “The Confederate Icon”. I regret to inform you, that my client, Mr. Iggy Hardy will unfortunately not be competing in professional wrestling, atleast not for the next 5-years.
The crowd chirps, more buzz surrounds the room.
Cassidy: It is with deep sadness, that I announce Iggy’s upcoming prison sentence. I do not want to air his dirty laundry, but he has been a bad boy. He would absolutely love to get back into the ring, but unfortunately that will not happen.
The cameras focus in on Iggy, absolute fucking rage fills his eyes. If you look close enough, you can see him breathing smoke. Veins in his neck buldge, his arms pulsate. He emanates The Ultimate Warrior, he starts shaking uncontrollably, the two cops look at each other with a ‘What the fuck!?’ look as they tighten the grip on Iggy’s shoulders.
Iggy: MOTHER FUCKERS!!! YOU CAN LOCK ME UP!!! BUT I WILL BE BACK!!! AIN’T NOBODY TAKING MY ASS EITHER!!! YOU KNOW WHY?! BECAUSE I AM TAKING IT!!! I GET PUSSY ONE WAY OR ANOTHER!!!
The cop is heard telling Iggy to shut up. Everyone looks around at one another thinking, ‘Did he really just say he was planning on raping other men?’ Iggy takes a long deep breath and immediately relaxes. After a tense few seconds, Cassidy presses on, slightly uncomfortable, but always the trooper.
Cassidy: …Anyway. There you are folks, Mr. Pectacular. So, uh. Yeah. He will not be competing in Online Championship Wrestling in 2018. I assume you all know which client I will be representing during this era. Of course, I still have a wonderful working relationship with Mack O’Connor, but my longtime client, friend, and new Hall of Famer inductee, Chad Vargas will be introduced officially as a member of Online Championship Wrestling’s roster. I believe he will be holding a press conference of his own in the coming days, where he will field questions and give more insight on his intentions in 2018. I will not be taking questions this afternoon, however with my announcement, I will also inform you all that I am drafting a petition to be formally filed at OCW Front Office to immediately strip The Incredible One of the OCW championship. Each time the OCW has been rebooted, the championship has always been vacated. It happened to Vargas, and Bob Grenier. However, TIO of course brings plenty of chapstick, so certain things go by the wayside when it comes to him. I am certain my petition will be ignored, but I will ensure a valiant effort is put forth to make what’s right, is in fact: right. Lets just stop for a moment, and thank our Pro Wrestling stars that there will be No CJ O’Donnell in OCW this time around.
The most amazing thing happens. At that very moment, everyone in the room – including the two police officers stop and look up to the Pro Wrestling Gods and say ‘Hallelujah’ in unison. Cassidy chuckles.
Cassidy: It appears we are all on the same page. Well, ladies and gentleman, I will not take up anymore of your time. I appreciate you all being here. I need to escort Iggy to Sharpes County Jail. On my website, www.treatcassidy.com there is a link with his address, I’m sure he would like to hear from all of you. While you’re there, go ahead and click ‘Store’ and pick youself up a LIMITED EDITION of my new “What a Treat!” t-shirts! Need a new coozie for your cold beer? You can get one there as well! And please! Do not forget to check out Maxx Million at 8pm on May 25th only on NBC! Its going to be ONE heck of a show! Thanks so much everyone!
Cassidy looks around the room, waving a dorky wave with a big fake smile across his face. Just as he’s about to step down, the opening riff of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Needle and the Spoon” controls the airwaves in the small room. A few of the bias journalists whip (and ney ney?) at the Anti Hero as he makes his way out of the darkness.
The One. The Only.
Chad motherfucking Vargas!
Vargas hasn’t been seen on television quite some time, but man does he look fucking ripped! Vargas walks up on the stage. He stops before the cops, as he looks Iggy up and down. One of the cops tells him to move it along. Vargas shrugs and is about to head to the podium when he stops, and stands right in front of the tough guy cop. They stare one another down for what seems like minutes. Before out of nowhere…
CRACK!
Vargas head butted the cop, busting his nose to pieces. The other cop shocked grabs hold of Vargas but before he touches him Vargas drops him with a stiff haymaker.
PANDEMONIOUM!
Quickly the feed fades to black as everyone rushes to get control of the situation.
Welcome back, Chad Vargas!
