Post by WilsonTheVolleyball on Nov 23, 2017 9:55:49 GMT -5
What’s crackin’, guys? Ricky Valdez here!”
“Randy Valdez too!”
“And now… Ladies and gentleman. Welcome to-“
“SHIT ON YOU!”
“Damnit, Randy! Not even five seconds into the show and you’re already throwing shade and trying to start feuds.”
“So who we shitting on today, Ricky?”
“NOBODY!”
Well here we are once again in the living room of Ricky and Randy’s apartment. Looks exactly the same as we’ve last seen it, which means they haven’t been evicted. That’s always good, right?
Awe.Some is seated on the couch directly in front of us. Randy on the left, Ricky on the right. The coffee table in front of them is filled all sorts of Thanksgiving goodies – A giant turkey, mashed potatoes, some pecan pie, and a small cooler that’s open and filled with ice and Coca-Cola. We also see various items of OCW lore filling up the room behind them such as a mannequin wearing that terrible Ricky Rhodes shirt and Awe.Some’s NCAA bracket.
“Awwwww yeah! Jump around!”
“Nobody clicks the music, Ricky.”
“Welcome everyone to another edition of Common.Tary, the most grammatically incorrect wrestling webshow out there.”
“Untimely as well. OCW isn’t even operating right now.”
“That’s true. Well happy Thanksgiving to everyone out there! I’m Ricky Valdez, that’s Randy Valdez-“
“Yo.”
“And while you can’t see her in the frame, Rachel’s here off-camera producing the show.”
“Hello.”
“You heard the lady. So this show here is a special off-season edition of Common.Tary. That’s a first for sure.”
“Oh Matt Meyhu is marking out for sure right now! Wait… Off-season, huh? When’s the regular season?”
“First week of January or when the Cowboys are mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. Whichever comes first.”
"That could be any day now!"
“So you might be asking yourself what Awe.Some is doing here? We were told OCW’s website still had bandwidth that was available and since there’s no refund from the ISP, here we are!”
“Such a scam those guys are running. Hand me a coke to fill some airtime so this entire transcript isn’t just conversation.”
“Filler’s our specialty, Randy.”
Ricky grabs a Coke from the ice chest and hands it to Randy, who gleefully accepts.
“Boy the 2017 run of OCW sure was something else though, am I right?”
“Sure was! I mean right from jump OCW exploded onto the scene when CJ O’Donnell and Ian Bishop came into the fray. And those weren't the only two major players. There was a third guy who also came into OCW and all of you watching at home know exactly who we’re talking about. I’m still not sure how he did it, but Welsh really put the world on notice when he signed the biggest free agent in wrestling – Morbidus. Fucking awesome job, OCW!”
Ricky and Randy give a jovial applause.
“Matt Meyhu wrestled in OCW this year too!”
“Yeah he did! Dude was world champion as a matter of fact.
“2017 belonged to Ian Bishop though, who is the current OCW champion…. Right?”
“Right what?”
“He is the current champion, yeah?”
“Why wouldn’t he be?”
“Well I mean let’s say hypothetically OCW is gone for good. Can you be an active champion of a dead fed?”
“I’d hope so. Otherwise our record of being the longest reigning tag team champions in OCW might not hold water due to a technicality.”
“Rachel!”
“I’m your manager, not your lawyer.”
“YEAH SHE SAID IT!”
“Alright. Current champion Ian Bishop owned 2017. He held the Paradigm championship for five months, and when he eventually did lose that title he went on to grab the world heavyweight championship less than fifteen days later. Think about that. Basically anytime you turned on your television, Ian had a belt on him.”
“I’d hope so, otherwise his pants would always fall down.”
“Wow that was so bad. Are you proud of yourself?”
“Talk about Max Shade!”
“Oh man that guy and Dr. Orange were something else! I gotta tell ya, I was pretty damned saddened to see him disappear on us because that’s a guy who would’ve been a lot of fun to wrestle.”
Ricky reaches off camera and pulls a sign into our view.
“And play video games with. I bet Shade’s a beast at Street Fighter.”
Ricky flips his sign over. It reads 'ORANGE CAT HEAD'. He then tosses the sign behind him.
“How about those Dravers boys?”
“The Dravers Boys were actually kind of an interesting occurrence. You see when the Dravers first debuted, Rachel’s DM’s got lit up like Itsumade on his second match. Everyone was asking if Awe.Some were the Dravers. No joke. Don’t get me wrong, we love special effects but even pulling that off would’ve been out of our expertise. So let's bury that silly rumor once and for all. Awe.Some and the Dravers Boys are not the same people.”
“That reminds me! The red hair dye you boys ordered arrived.”
Randy makes an aggressive cut gesture with his hand.
“Yeah so for any of you newcomers to Common.Tary”
“And those of you with horrible memories.”
Randy rips off a turkey leg then sits back down. It looks delicious.
“What just happened is the show buffered. That usually occurs when we edit to the next part of the show. It also happens because the old guy running the place is still using the GeoCities code.”
“Dean’s been gone though. Well, sort’ve. He’s got that other OCW thing going on.”
“He should’ve called it Offline Championship Wrestling. Really missed the boat on that one.”
“That new guy Welsh though. I’m not sure what to think of him. One minute he’s a savvy businessman who can make anything happen and the next he’s hiring guys like the Eastern European and the Knife Man.”
“One month OCW is performing in an innovative structure like The Cube in Key West and the next they’re having a Kill You Three Times Match in a Louisiana prison.”
“Who’s idea was it to hold a wrestling event inside Angola anyways? Seriously. The guy who came up with that idea is a real moron and the guy who listened to him isn't much better.”
Awe.Some nods in agreement.
“Gotta say though we got a hell of a tag team match out of it with Perfectly Marvelous defeating the Aptitude. CJ and Ian if I recall.”
“No, it was CJ and Meyhu.”
“You sure?”
“No, no. I remember now. Ian and Meyhu.”
“Hey if Ian and Iggy Hardy formed a tag team, they could be called the Coke Brothers.”
“And my jokes are terrible?”
“Oh I’m not done. Imagine if OCW wrestlers were boats. What would they be called? I got Josie Barnacles.
“Oh that’s good. I got The Danger Buoys.”
“Chad Barges.”
“Alice Knot.”
Awe.Some highfives.
“You got a favorite match from the year, Randy?”
“Hell yeah I do! I enjoyed me some Chad Vargas vs. Ian Bishop earlier in the year. The one where Chad Vargas wrestled with a protective metal mask. That was damn clever.”
“Oh man how cool would it be for that thing to appear on eBay. We could put on the mannequin back here. It’s funny because at the time of that match, it looked like Chad was destined to salvage OCW’s credibility as far as outside talent goes, yet months later it was Ian all along who restored OCW talent atop OCW.”
“Speaking of Ian, did we ever hear back from him about coming on the show?”
“No. Tried finding ways of reaching out to him, but he’s really tough to track down right now since OCW has dissipated.”
“Of course. He’s a family man now. “
“Man you know what other match was fantastic? CJ O’Donnell vs. Curt Canon for the custody of Checkers. I’m also not just saying that because I’m a total ladder match mark, because I am, but that match from Stainless Steel Ride was arguably one of the best matches of the year.“
“That Curt Canon fella seemed like a pretty cool dude too. Imagine the three of us together. Holy hell the ratings to be had from our hijinks.”
“Well, maybe. Curt probably wouldn’t hang with us right now given that he’s sort’ve angry at just about everyone. Take away a man’s monkey and suddenly he’s out to fight the whole world. That aside, his match with CJ at SSR was absolutely year-end award worthy.”
“Do you think they’ll be a year-end award show?”
“Good question. I suppose this sort’ve counts as such?”
“And the reward-“
“Award”
“For the best wrestler of 2017-“
“Uh oh.”
“Goooooooooooes.”
“This won’t end well. Rachel, cut the scene!”
“Tooooooooooo-“
“RACHEL!”
Ricky’s laptop is now open on the coffee table and facing Awe.Some, who appear to be watching something on its screen. We can hear the sounds of a crowd roaring, along with a very visible FUCK YOU chant.
Ricky and Randy watching with Iggy Hardy-like INTENSITY. We quickly cut to the screen to see exactly what they're looking at, and it appears that they're watching an episode of Monday Night Massacre. It's the last episode of Monday Night Massacre to be exact! Let's watch along.
“Yes!”
We're back to viewing Awe.Some.
Ricky picks up a red chip and places it on a card next to the laptop.
“Bingo! Bingo, baby!”
“No! What the hell? We’re barely halfway through this Massacre.”
“That’s a 'publicly humiliate Who’Re' segment! You heard it! He called her a cum catcher!”
“Lemme see your card!”
Randy leans over.
Randy pushes his board off the table and chips go flying everywhere.
“That’s gotta be the best card in the deck. Man that’s weak.”
“Hand it over.”
Randy reaches behind the sofa and pulls out the Awe.Somely famous Maple Syrup Championship. He passes it towards Ricky, who stands up and holds the belt above his head in triumph. Some confetti seems to be falling from the air.
“That’s right, buddy! New Maple Syrup Champion Ricky Valdez!”
“Boooooooo! You held the ropes! Boooooooo!!!”
“Wellp, when Buffett decided to turn the OCW arena into a shelter for the victims of Hurricane Irma, Online Champioinship Wrestling was preparing for it’s third pay-per-view of the year – Cereal Thrillers.”
“You mean Serial Thrillers.”
“That’s what I said. Serial Thrillers.”
“Oh, okay. Just making sure.”
“Did it happen by the way? I thought for sure it should’ve happened by now.”
“Nah, we’re good. If it happened, we would’ve heard about it on the Christian Broadcasting Network.”
“That explains why the only match on the card right now is Matt Meyhu versus the winner of the Margarita Mix for the OCW World Title. Speaking of, the card still has Meyhu listed as the current champion.”
“WEAK ASS BOOKING!”
Randy places a chip on his bingo card.
“Assuming the main event is still gonna be the Mix Winner versus the champion, that would put TIO against…. Mack?”
“Maybe? I mean Bob and Chad were also handling their business. Hard to say who for sure would’ve won that thing.”
“So let’s just be lazy here and put all three of them in! That’s how you book, Welsh. Take notes!”
“Rachel’s shaking her head over there….”
“Wow. That’s such a cliched route. You can’t make up your mind so you just shrug your shoulders and go with a fatal fourway?”
Awe.Some shrugs their shoulders.
“Yeah. I mean if there’s one thing we can’t get enough of, it’s clichés!”
“When you have lemons, you make lemonade Rachel.”
“…Whatever.”
“Well that’s one match down!”
Ricky picks up a slice of pecan pie.
“Tell you what, Randy. I like that Jackie Monroe. She’s got moxie.”
“And she’ll probably dislocate your shoulder for even booking her.”
“A risk we’ll have to take!”
“My vote for her opponent? Curt Canon. Imagine those two going at it for the Ascension championship. That would be a hell of a match. Your turn.”
“Alright. How about this. 30 minute Iron Man match for the Paradigm Title. Mack O’Connor versus The Lost Soul.”
“Two of the best performers we’ve had the pleasure of watching for sure. Those two really stood out back during our stint in OCW. But would that be fair to Mack? A 30 minute Iron Man match the same night he’d also be fighting three other guys for the World Title?”
“You wanna try telling Mack you don’t think he can handle it?”
“Excellent point! Moving on! Okay so speaking of our stint, we would be remiss if we didn’t mention the tag team titles.”
“No doubt. The current champions are Paul Paras and Mario Maurako, known to everyone around the world as Perfectly Marvelous. We’ve faced Mario once and we know the guy is… marvelous!”
Awe.Some highfives. We can hear Rachel sigh a bit.
“But when we faced him, he was teaming with Lurrr. While Lurrr is a hall of famer in his own right, we know the importance of teaming with the perfect partner. Get it? Perfect! I’m talking about Paras! Because he's perfect! Perfect Paras! You get it, right?”
“UGH!”
“Look, Perfectly Marvelous is arguably the greatest tag team in OCW history, and for good reason. But the truth of the matter is that me and Ricky feel there’s a tag team out there that can not only take Perfectly Marvelous to the limits, but potentially take those tag titles from them as well.”
“That’s right. It’s up to one tag team to take give Perfectly Marvelous the challenge they desperately need.”
Awe.Some looks at one another with a serious expression.
“The Dravers.”
Ricky nods.
“Now I got one last match for ya, Ricky.”
“Oh?”
“Yep. And this is my masterpiece. I want to see the OCW Savage Title defended against Mike Zybala.”
“Iggy Hardy and Mike Zybala, eh? That’s pretty good.”
“Oh, I’m not done just yet.”
“?”
“Iggy’s intense as all hell. And Zybala is constantly running around superkicking people. Speaking of.”
“I locked the doors. You're safe.”
Awe.Some lets out a collective sigh of relief.
“Okay. So here’s the idea to get a match where these two might be slightly settled down. Sleep Deprivation Match.”
Ricky raises an eyebrow and leans in.
“…Go on.”
“Both Iggy and Zybala have to go an entire 48 hours prior to their match without sleep. Imagine the chaos from that.”
“That’s…. actually pretty good.”
“Holy shit that’s amazing! Can that main event?!”
“No because rules…. BUT it’ll be right before. And with that, our work here is done!”
“What about the undercard?”
“Dude, Iggy vs. Zybala in a sleep deprivation match. Screw the undercard. We’ll just go with ‘AND MORE!’ Now in true OCW tradition, we gotta give this show a name that people will likely hate.”
"Way ahead of ya!"
“Alright guys, that’s gonna do it for this off-season Common.Tary.”
“Careful, buddy. That implies that we’ll be doing more of these.”
“Well the fans familiar with Awe.Some know how the show works. We do these shows whenever we feel like it, so they drop sporadically. Kind of like a Mark Storm promo."
“So who knows whenever that’ll be next. Even if OCW were to return, we’re unfortunately tied up with other obligations at the moment and will be for quite sometime... So sorry guys, but this isn't a return. This was just more of an Awe.Some checking in with you folks kinda thing."
“As much as we’d like to return to OCW or OCW, it’s just not possible for the foreseeable future.”
“But hey, it sure was fun catching up with you guys! If you enjoyed the show, you can probably still reach Rachel @awesomerachelv”
“I haven’t signed into that in months.”
“So feel free to light it up with hate mail and creepy DMs!”
“And while you’re waiting for Serial Thrillers and/or Quite the Pickle, and for no other real apparent reason whatsoever, here’s Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie."
“Sure were a few Street Fighter references in this Common.Tary.”
“Yeah I've admittedly been playing too much of it. Anyhoo! Thanks to each and every one of you for providing us with entertaining material over the last year. Take care, guys!”
“Randy Valdez too!”
“And now… Ladies and gentleman. Welcome to-“
“SHIT ON YOU!”
“Damnit, Randy! Not even five seconds into the show and you’re already throwing shade and trying to start feuds.”
“So who we shitting on today, Ricky?”
“NOBODY!”
*Disclaimer: we might shit on Mark Storm
Well here we are once again in the living room of Ricky and Randy’s apartment. Looks exactly the same as we’ve last seen it, which means they haven’t been evicted. That’s always good, right?
Awe.Some is seated on the couch directly in front of us. Randy on the left, Ricky on the right. The coffee table in front of them is filled all sorts of Thanksgiving goodies – A giant turkey, mashed potatoes, some pecan pie, and a small cooler that’s open and filled with ice and Coca-Cola. We also see various items of OCW lore filling up the room behind them such as a mannequin wearing that terrible Ricky Rhodes shirt and Awe.Some’s NCAA bracket.
“Awwwww yeah! Jump around!”
“Nobody clicks the music, Ricky.”
“Welcome everyone to another edition of Common.Tary, the most grammatically incorrect wrestling webshow out there.”
“Untimely as well. OCW isn’t even operating right now.”
“That’s true. Well happy Thanksgiving to everyone out there! I’m Ricky Valdez, that’s Randy Valdez-“
“Yo.”
“And while you can’t see her in the frame, Rachel’s here off-camera producing the show.”
“Hello.”
“You heard the lady. So this show here is a special off-season edition of Common.Tary. That’s a first for sure.”
“Oh Matt Meyhu is marking out for sure right now! Wait… Off-season, huh? When’s the regular season?”
“First week of January or when the Cowboys are mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. Whichever comes first.”
"That could be any day now!"
“So you might be asking yourself what Awe.Some is doing here? We were told OCW’s website still had bandwidth that was available and since there’s no refund from the ISP, here we are!”
“Such a scam those guys are running. Hand me a coke to fill some airtime so this entire transcript isn’t just conversation.”
“Filler’s our specialty, Randy.”
Ricky grabs a Coke from the ice chest and hands it to Randy, who gleefully accepts.
“Boy the 2017 run of OCW sure was something else though, am I right?”
“Sure was! I mean right from jump OCW exploded onto the scene when CJ O’Donnell and Ian Bishop came into the fray. And those weren't the only two major players. There was a third guy who also came into OCW and all of you watching at home know exactly who we’re talking about. I’m still not sure how he did it, but Welsh really put the world on notice when he signed the biggest free agent in wrestling – Morbidus. Fucking awesome job, OCW!”
Ricky and Randy give a jovial applause.
“Matt Meyhu wrestled in OCW this year too!”
“Yeah he did! Dude was world champion as a matter of fact.
“2017 belonged to Ian Bishop though, who is the current OCW champion…. Right?”
“Right what?”
“He is the current champion, yeah?”
“Why wouldn’t he be?”
“Well I mean let’s say hypothetically OCW is gone for good. Can you be an active champion of a dead fed?”
“I’d hope so. Otherwise our record of being the longest reigning tag team champions in OCW might not hold water due to a technicality.”
“Rachel!”
“I’m your manager, not your lawyer.”
“YEAH SHE SAID IT!”
“Alright. Current champion Ian Bishop owned 2017. He held the Paradigm championship for five months, and when he eventually did lose that title he went on to grab the world heavyweight championship less than fifteen days later. Think about that. Basically anytime you turned on your television, Ian had a belt on him.”
“I’d hope so, otherwise his pants would always fall down.”
“Wow that was so bad. Are you proud of yourself?”
“Talk about Max Shade!”
“Oh man that guy and Dr. Orange were something else! I gotta tell ya, I was pretty damned saddened to see him disappear on us because that’s a guy who would’ve been a lot of fun to wrestle.”
Ricky reaches off camera and pulls a sign into our view.
“And play video games with. I bet Shade’s a beast at Street Fighter.”
Ricky flips his sign over. It reads 'ORANGE CAT HEAD'. He then tosses the sign behind him.
“How about those Dravers boys?”
“The Dravers Boys were actually kind of an interesting occurrence. You see when the Dravers first debuted, Rachel’s DM’s got lit up like Itsumade on his second match. Everyone was asking if Awe.Some were the Dravers. No joke. Don’t get me wrong, we love special effects but even pulling that off would’ve been out of our expertise. So let's bury that silly rumor once and for all. Awe.Some and the Dravers Boys are not the same people.”
“That reminds me! The red hair dye you boys ordered arrived.”
Randy makes an aggressive cut gesture with his hand.
“Yeah so for any of you newcomers to Common.Tary”
“And those of you with horrible memories.”
Randy rips off a turkey leg then sits back down. It looks delicious.
“What just happened is the show buffered. That usually occurs when we edit to the next part of the show. It also happens because the old guy running the place is still using the GeoCities code.”
“Dean’s been gone though. Well, sort’ve. He’s got that other OCW thing going on.”
“He should’ve called it Offline Championship Wrestling. Really missed the boat on that one.”
“That new guy Welsh though. I’m not sure what to think of him. One minute he’s a savvy businessman who can make anything happen and the next he’s hiring guys like the Eastern European and the Knife Man.”
“One month OCW is performing in an innovative structure like The Cube in Key West and the next they’re having a Kill You Three Times Match in a Louisiana prison.”
“Who’s idea was it to hold a wrestling event inside Angola anyways? Seriously. The guy who came up with that idea is a real moron and the guy who listened to him isn't much better.”
Awe.Some nods in agreement.
“Gotta say though we got a hell of a tag team match out of it with Perfectly Marvelous defeating the Aptitude. CJ and Ian if I recall.”
“No, it was CJ and Meyhu.”
“You sure?”
“No, no. I remember now. Ian and Meyhu.”
“Hey if Ian and Iggy Hardy formed a tag team, they could be called the Coke Brothers.”
“And my jokes are terrible?”
“Oh I’m not done. Imagine if OCW wrestlers were boats. What would they be called? I got Josie Barnacles.
“Oh that’s good. I got The Danger Buoys.”
“Chad Barges.”
“Alice Knot.”
Awe.Some highfives.
“You got a favorite match from the year, Randy?”
“Hell yeah I do! I enjoyed me some Chad Vargas vs. Ian Bishop earlier in the year. The one where Chad Vargas wrestled with a protective metal mask. That was damn clever.”
“Oh man how cool would it be for that thing to appear on eBay. We could put on the mannequin back here. It’s funny because at the time of that match, it looked like Chad was destined to salvage OCW’s credibility as far as outside talent goes, yet months later it was Ian all along who restored OCW talent atop OCW.”
“Speaking of Ian, did we ever hear back from him about coming on the show?”
“No. Tried finding ways of reaching out to him, but he’s really tough to track down right now since OCW has dissipated.”
“Of course. He’s a family man now. “
“Man you know what other match was fantastic? CJ O’Donnell vs. Curt Canon for the custody of Checkers. I’m also not just saying that because I’m a total ladder match mark, because I am, but that match from Stainless Steel Ride was arguably one of the best matches of the year.“
“That Curt Canon fella seemed like a pretty cool dude too. Imagine the three of us together. Holy hell the ratings to be had from our hijinks.”
“Well, maybe. Curt probably wouldn’t hang with us right now given that he’s sort’ve angry at just about everyone. Take away a man’s monkey and suddenly he’s out to fight the whole world. That aside, his match with CJ at SSR was absolutely year-end award worthy.”
“Do you think they’ll be a year-end award show?”
“Good question. I suppose this sort’ve counts as such?”
“And the reward-“
“Award”
“For the best wrestler of 2017-“
“Uh oh.”
“Goooooooooooes.”
“This won’t end well. Rachel, cut the scene!”
“Tooooooooooo-“
“RACHEL!”
Ricky’s laptop is now open on the coffee table and facing Awe.Some, who appear to be watching something on its screen. We can hear the sounds of a crowd roaring, along with a very visible FUCK YOU chant.
Ricky and Randy watching with Iggy Hardy-like INTENSITY. We quickly cut to the screen to see exactly what they're looking at, and it appears that they're watching an episode of Monday Night Massacre. It's the last episode of Monday Night Massacre to be exact! Let's watch along.
“Yes!”
We're back to viewing Awe.Some.
Ricky picks up a red chip and places it on a card next to the laptop.
“Bingo! Bingo, baby!”
“No! What the hell? We’re barely halfway through this Massacre.”
“That’s a 'publicly humiliate Who’Re' segment! You heard it! He called her a cum catcher!”
“Lemme see your card!”
Randy leans over.
Randy pushes his board off the table and chips go flying everywhere.
“That’s gotta be the best card in the deck. Man that’s weak.”
“Hand it over.”
Randy reaches behind the sofa and pulls out the Awe.Somely famous Maple Syrup Championship. He passes it towards Ricky, who stands up and holds the belt above his head in triumph. Some confetti seems to be falling from the air.
“That’s right, buddy! New Maple Syrup Champion Ricky Valdez!”
“Boooooooo! You held the ropes! Boooooooo!!!”
“Wellp, when Buffett decided to turn the OCW arena into a shelter for the victims of Hurricane Irma, Online Champioinship Wrestling was preparing for it’s third pay-per-view of the year – Cereal Thrillers.”
“You mean Serial Thrillers.”
“That’s what I said. Serial Thrillers.”
“Oh, okay. Just making sure.”
“Did it happen by the way? I thought for sure it should’ve happened by now.”
“Nah, we’re good. If it happened, we would’ve heard about it on the Christian Broadcasting Network.”
“That explains why the only match on the card right now is Matt Meyhu versus the winner of the Margarita Mix for the OCW World Title. Speaking of, the card still has Meyhu listed as the current champion.”
“WEAK ASS BOOKING!”
Randy places a chip on his bingo card.
“Assuming the main event is still gonna be the Mix Winner versus the champion, that would put TIO against…. Mack?”
“Maybe? I mean Bob and Chad were also handling their business. Hard to say who for sure would’ve won that thing.”
“So let’s just be lazy here and put all three of them in! That’s how you book, Welsh. Take notes!”
“Rachel’s shaking her head over there….”
“Wow. That’s such a cliched route. You can’t make up your mind so you just shrug your shoulders and go with a fatal fourway?”
Awe.Some shrugs their shoulders.
“Yeah. I mean if there’s one thing we can’t get enough of, it’s clichés!”
“When you have lemons, you make lemonade Rachel.”
“…Whatever.”
“Well that’s one match down!”
Ricky picks up a slice of pecan pie.
“Tell you what, Randy. I like that Jackie Monroe. She’s got moxie.”
“And she’ll probably dislocate your shoulder for even booking her.”
“A risk we’ll have to take!”
“My vote for her opponent? Curt Canon. Imagine those two going at it for the Ascension championship. That would be a hell of a match. Your turn.”
“Alright. How about this. 30 minute Iron Man match for the Paradigm Title. Mack O’Connor versus The Lost Soul.”
“Two of the best performers we’ve had the pleasure of watching for sure. Those two really stood out back during our stint in OCW. But would that be fair to Mack? A 30 minute Iron Man match the same night he’d also be fighting three other guys for the World Title?”
“You wanna try telling Mack you don’t think he can handle it?”
“Excellent point! Moving on! Okay so speaking of our stint, we would be remiss if we didn’t mention the tag team titles.”
“No doubt. The current champions are Paul Paras and Mario Maurako, known to everyone around the world as Perfectly Marvelous. We’ve faced Mario once and we know the guy is… marvelous!”
Awe.Some highfives. We can hear Rachel sigh a bit.
“But when we faced him, he was teaming with Lurrr. While Lurrr is a hall of famer in his own right, we know the importance of teaming with the perfect partner. Get it? Perfect! I’m talking about Paras! Because he's perfect! Perfect Paras! You get it, right?”
“UGH!”
“Look, Perfectly Marvelous is arguably the greatest tag team in OCW history, and for good reason. But the truth of the matter is that me and Ricky feel there’s a tag team out there that can not only take Perfectly Marvelous to the limits, but potentially take those tag titles from them as well.”
“That’s right. It’s up to one tag team to take give Perfectly Marvelous the challenge they desperately need.”
Awe.Some looks at one another with a serious expression.
“The Dravers.”
Ricky nods.
“Now I got one last match for ya, Ricky.”
“Oh?”
“Yep. And this is my masterpiece. I want to see the OCW Savage Title defended against Mike Zybala.”
“Iggy Hardy and Mike Zybala, eh? That’s pretty good.”
“Oh, I’m not done just yet.”
“?”
“Iggy’s intense as all hell. And Zybala is constantly running around superkicking people. Speaking of.”
“I locked the doors. You're safe.”
Awe.Some lets out a collective sigh of relief.
“Okay. So here’s the idea to get a match where these two might be slightly settled down. Sleep Deprivation Match.”
Ricky raises an eyebrow and leans in.
“…Go on.”
“Both Iggy and Zybala have to go an entire 48 hours prior to their match without sleep. Imagine the chaos from that.”
“That’s…. actually pretty good.”
“Holy shit that’s amazing! Can that main event?!”
“No because rules…. BUT it’ll be right before. And with that, our work here is done!”
“What about the undercard?”
“Dude, Iggy vs. Zybala in a sleep deprivation match. Screw the undercard. We’ll just go with ‘AND MORE!’ Now in true OCW tradition, we gotta give this show a name that people will likely hate.”
"Way ahead of ya!"
ONLINE CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING PROUDLY PRESENTS:
QUITE THE PICKLE!
OCW World Title: Cliche'd Clusterfuck Match
TIO (c) vs. Bob Grenier vs. Mack O’Connor vs. Chad Vargas
OCW Savage Title: Sleep Deprivation Match
Iggy Hardy (c) vs. Mike Zybala
OCW Ascension Title
Jackie Monroe (c) vs. Curt Canon
OCW Tag Titles
Perfectly Marvelous (c) vs. The Dravers Boys
OCW Paradigm Title: 30 minute Iron Man Match
Mack O’Connor (c) vs. The Lost Soul
AND MORE!!!!!
“Alright guys, that’s gonna do it for this off-season Common.Tary.”
“Careful, buddy. That implies that we’ll be doing more of these.”
“Well the fans familiar with Awe.Some know how the show works. We do these shows whenever we feel like it, so they drop sporadically. Kind of like a Mark Storm promo."
“So who knows whenever that’ll be next. Even if OCW were to return, we’re unfortunately tied up with other obligations at the moment and will be for quite sometime... So sorry guys, but this isn't a return. This was just more of an Awe.Some checking in with you folks kinda thing."
“As much as we’d like to return to OCW or OCW, it’s just not possible for the foreseeable future.”
“But hey, it sure was fun catching up with you guys! If you enjoyed the show, you can probably still reach Rachel @awesomerachelv”
“I haven’t signed into that in months.”
“So feel free to light it up with hate mail and creepy DMs!”
“And while you’re waiting for Serial Thrillers and/or Quite the Pickle, and for no other real apparent reason whatsoever, here’s Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie."
“Sure were a few Street Fighter references in this Common.Tary.”
“Yeah I've admittedly been playing too much of it. Anyhoo! Thanks to each and every one of you for providing us with entertaining material over the last year. Take care, guys!”
