Post by R.M. Strong on Feb 20, 2014 15:33:36 GMT -5
This is an old R.P. of mine from CWF, for those that don't know what I can do, don't believe i know anything about roleplaying, or miss reading my shit...
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*The camera opens up to an alley way. There is a ruckus coming from behind it. Brandon slowly turns around as you see RM Strong come running around the corner and into the alley. His hair is dripping wet with sweat. He is wearing a white Ozzy Osbourne shirt, which is also covered in sweat. He comes to a stop in front of the camera, leaning over, his hands on his knees and he is breathing hard*
R.M. – Hey…….. Bren…….da…..
Brandon – A little over exaggerated there, don’t you think?
R.M. – Fu….ck…..You…..
Brandon – Not very nice, Robbie… What the hell are you running from, Mr. I’m a big bad merc for hire?
R.M. - *Finally catching his breath* Your mom, bitch. That woman is scary, real scary. Like Baby scary…. You remember that bitch Baby, right?
Brandon – Ugh, yea, I remember her. Hey, at least I wasn’t the one who almost married that cow beast. But seriously man, what the hell has got you running like that?
*RM looks around nervously. He dusts himself off as he stands up. He looks behind him once again, than at the camera*
R.M. – Well, I was walking down the road, minding my own business, when a rabid group of local crack heads went on the attack. There were hundreds, no, thousands of them. It was like a zombie apocalypse. Anyways, they chased me for like, seven blocks. I finally dodged in here, and I found you.
Brandon – Really, you were minding your own business? For some reason I really find that hard to believe.
R.M. – For serious, man, I wasn’t doing anyt….
*Before RM can finish, a yellow painted brick comes flying through the air, cracking Strong on the back of his skull. RM Collapses into a pile on the street. A laugh comes from up the alley, Brandon turns the camera, where there are four black midgets standing there laughing. They turn around and walk away. Brandon leans down to RM, reaching his hand out to shake him*
Brandon – RM! Hey man, are you ok? RM, Wake up dude, you just got punked by a bunch of midgets. Get up!
*The camera begins to blue away. When it fades back into view, RM is still laying on the ground, but he isn’t in the alley that he was in before. Under him, sticking out are two small feet, no shoes and very dirty. RM doesn’t notice the feet as he starts to stir and wake up. He stands up and looks around. The whole place is bright and happy. He shakes his head as he looks around, apparently not being able to believe what he is seeing. He looks around again. The trees are multicolored, all bright colors. Blue, green, pink, orange and yellow. Strong has a very confused look etched across his face. He turns to look at the camera and Brandon, when he starts bursting out laughing, almost uncontrollably. *
R.M. – Dude, you really need to see yourself, you’re a fucking dog man, no joke. What the hell is going on around here?
*Brandon slowly moves his hand in front of the camera. Well, in this case it’s actually a paw. RM is still laughing, almost falling over*
Brandon – I don’t think we’re in Chicago anymore, dude.
R.M. – Thanks for the news flash, dip shit. You really think I didn’t figure that out?
*Before Brandon can reply, four black midgets walk from a tiny house. It is the same four midgets that attacked RM from the alley way. They start to approach RM, who jumps, trying to find a place to hide. Brandon laughs from behind the camera*
Black Midget #1 – Oh man, you really did a number on that bitch.
Black Midget #2 – Yes sir, you sure did. I don’t think she will be pushing her goods around here anymore.
R.M. – Uh, what the hell? What’s going on around here? Who are you people, and what the hell are you talking about?
Black Midget #3 – Guys, he wants to know who we are. Do you think we should introduce ourselves to this mouth breather?
*The other three midgets nod, and they come together, forming a line. From somewhere, not really sure where, but somewhere, music begins to play. The four midgets start rocking back and forth as they begin to sing*
Black Midgets – We represent, the crack head crew, the crack head crew, the crack head crew. We represent the crack head creeeew, do you have any crack?!
*The four of them smile at each other, and look at RM, who smacks his own forehead. He reaches out and picks up the first of the four midgets. He holds him to eye level, glaring at him for a moment*
R.M. – Ok, first, don’t sing anymore. No I do not have any crack, go to rehab. And finally, this seems oddly familiar but at the same time different. But, if you people don’t start answering my damn questions, I’ll start beating them out of you. I have no problem beating up midgets, trust me.
*Black Midget #4 runs up, pulls his leg back, and kicks RM in the shin. RM drops the other midget and grabs his leg, rubbing it as he mumbles “Little Bastard”. The four midgets and Brandon all laugh at RM*
R.M. – Screw all of you, I’ll just beat my answer out you little twirps…
*RM starts to take off after the midgets, when a puff of smoke floats into view, stopping RM dead in his tracks. He follows the smoke with his eyes, when it stops next to him. It starts to form into that of a woman. Actually, she’s a real hot red headed hippie chick. RM grins at her as he looks her up and down, licking his lips, still grinning.*
R.M. – Girl, where have you been all my life?
Hippie Chick – Robert, you can’t hurt the crack head crew, they are my best customers.
*RM frowns at her*
R.M. – And what makes you the authority around here, sweet heart?
Hippie Chick – I’m Mary Jane, the good trip of the north. I have been sent here to confirm that you dispatched some of my competition. From everything I see, you really took out Lizzie D for me.
R.M. – What the hell is a Lizzie D?
Mary Jane – Lizzie D is that lady you fell on, you big oaf. She’s known; well at least used to be known as The Bad Trip of the East. Her, and her sister Percephony are my biggest competition. You, my friend, have taken care of this one for me. For that I thank you…
*RM looks over to where he landed. There is another hippie laying there. Her body begins to bubble, and seeps into the ground around her. RM jumps back, startled and lets out a little scream. Brandon slightly chuckles from behind the camera, RM turns quickly and glares at him*
R.M. – This whole damn situation is starting to get really, really weird. The last thing I remember was being chased by those, uh, crack heads. When I wake up, I have a bunch of midgets singing to me, this really sexy hippie chick, who is saying I took out her competition, and I flat ironed some other broad, who in turn bubbled away into obscurity. Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on around here?!
Brandon – Dude, I’m starting to think we are in some twisted fucked up version of Oz.
R.M. – The Prison?!
Brandon – Really? Does this look like a god damned prison to you? No, you dumbass, I mean Oz, as in Dorothy, Toto, the Scarecrow, Glenda the good witch, those annoying munchkins.
R.M. – Ah, that explains everything, including the fact that you’re a dog… Makes sense.
Brandon – I really don’t want to talk about that.
*RM turns to Mary Jane, looking her up and down once again. He grins as he moves closer*
R.M. – So tell me, Mary, how the hell do I get out of this dump? I’m sick of it, and I have some place I need to be.
Mary Jane – There is some place that you feel is more important than the merry old land of Odd?
R.M. – You mean Oz, right?
Mary Jane – No, I meant Odd. Warner Brothers would have our asses tied up in legal battles if we called it Oz.
R.M. – Well, I’ll be damned. Ok, I’ll bite. So, I need to get out of Odd, because this coming Tuesday I have a wrestling match. I’m facing The Highlander.
Brandon – Dude, it’s not The Highlander, it’s Highlander, like Dan Highlander.
R.M. – But… But… Man, that kills my whole “there can be only one” thing I was going to do.
*RM looks down at the ground like a scorned little kid, kicking the pebbles in front of him with his hands in his pocket. Then his eyes light up as he looks up*
R.M. – My God, we are in the Land of Odd, where anything is possible, so Dan may very well be The Highlander.
Brandon – Were you dropped on your head as a child? I mean, really, is there something seriously wrong with you? Now, can we please find a way out of this place? We need to be in Jersey by Monday night…
R.M. – Wait.. WHAT?!
Brandon – It part of the New Gamble Rules. We must be on location twenty-four hours before any event.
R.M. – I didn’t mean that, and I don’t care, I’ll show up whenever the hell I feel like it, screw Gamble. What I meant was, where the hell are we going?
Brandon – Uh, Asbury Park, New Jersey, why?
R.M. – GOD DAMMIT! What the hell? Why do I always fucking end up in God forsaken New Jersey every time I wrestle for this company? I swear, they are trying to god damn kill me. Having to go back to that fucking cess pool…
Brandon – Great, here you go ranting about Snooki again. I swear, I’m really starting to think you have a crush on that girl.
R.M. – Dude, eww. No way. If I have a crush on any one from that show, its Jwoww, she’s hot… wow.
*Mary Jane sighs as she watches the two of them banter back and forth. She waits for a minute and interupts.*
Mary Jane – BOYS! Can we please focus here? You two are like a couple of high school gossip queens
R.M. – Well that was uncalled for…
Brandon – I know, right? Damn lady, why don’t you do the world a favor and go smoke yourself and relax a little?
*She shakes her head in disbelief at the two of them*
Mary Jane – I thought you two wanted out of here?
R.M. – I Do! Can you please send me home?
Mary Jane – Well, if you follow this Sunshine Masonry Street, it will lead you to the wizard, who I assure you will be able to get you home.
R.M. - *Looking down at the stree* It looks like a yellow brick road to me…
*Mary reaches out and smacks RM on the back of his head. Brandon chuckles as RM rips around staring her down. He scouls and turns to Brandon*
R.M. – Come on Brittany, lets head down the old dusty trail….
*Just as he says that, the ground beside Strong starts to bubble. He jumps back as another hippie woman, this one not nearly as hot as Mary Jane, rises up from the bubbling. She turns to Strong and points at him*
Hippie Bubble Lady – I’ll get you my studly, and your little dog too!
*She laughs evily as RM looks at her. He frowns and procedes to punch her in the face. She drops to the ground. Strong steps back, measures her, and kicks her in the face. She begins to bubble back into the ground*
R.M. – God I hate when people threaten me. That must have been Percephony, huh?
*Mary Jane nods as she stares at the scene that just went down. RM shrugs and turns around, walking down the, uh, Sunshine Masonry Street. Mary is still just watching him*
R.M. – Ok, we are making some headway now. But damn, this shit is getting insane. First I end up in some fantasy land, than you tell me that my match with Duncun McLeod is in Jersey. Anymore bad news, Bertha?
Brandon – DUDE, his name is DAN HIGHLANDER, not Duncon McLeod, damn. But, I do have some more news. This match, its for the Impact Title.
R.M. – Oh, that’s not bad at all, I think I can deal with that. RM Strong, CWF Impact Champion. Yeah, that has a nice ring to it.
Brandon – If I recall correctly, you don’t care about being a champion, right?
R.M. – And if I recall correctly, shut up. Winning titles makes me money, money makes me happy, so winning a title would make me happy, get it?
Brandon – What did you do to get a title shot anyways?
R.M. – That’s between me and Gamble, don’t you worry about any of that. Besides, if I win the belt, I’ll just pawn it anyways. Hey, when are we going to be in Vegas? I’ll roll down to the Pawn Stars shop and hawk that shit.
Brandon – Can you please focus on Dan before you decide what you’re gonna do with the belt? Highlander isn’t a push over, this match isn’t going to be easy man. He’s good, damn good, and you havn’t exactly been, uh, active as of late.
R.M. – I’m in perfect shape, you don’t know what you’re talking about Brandi.
Brandon – Yea, your shape is a perfect circle, Stay Puft.
*RM glares at Brandon, when from the left hand side of the road there is a rustling. Brandon spans over as RM puts his fists up ready to fight. A man, dressed as a crow, peeks his head out from behind a tree. He screams and hides again*
R.M. – Hey, You, Get your ass out here!
*The man peeks out again, and wimpers as he walks towards RM, who has put his fists down. He’s shaking as he reaches him. RM extends his hand, and the guy screams*
R.M. – Ok, whats your deal?
Crow Guy – It really isn’t my fault, I’m afraid of everything, absolutly everything. They call me The Scared Crow.
R.M. – Really? We can’t even use The Scare Crow? We have to use this one? I’d rather have Sheryl Crow out here. Wait, CUT! Some one please hand me the script…
*The Scared Crow looks confusingly at Strong as a stage hand runs out with the script in his hand. RM rips it from him and starts flipping through the pages. His face turns into a frown as he rubs his head. He reaches the end and throws the booklet away. The stage hand runs off*
R.M. – Ok, this just isn’t going to work. Scared Crow, you won’t be needed anymore. You will be paid for what you have done, but I just can’t handle this crap. So move along. Well we are at it, some one please tell The Tint Man and The Cowlicked Lion that they are also fired. I swear, you damn writers took my brialliant idea and turned it into garbage. While I’m at it, I’m not even walking through this forest. I’m going straight to the palace. I have things to take care of.
Brandon – Umm, Rob, are you sure you can do that?
R.M. – Dude, I can do whatever I want. Watch. Can we please cut to black.
*The screen fades to blackness with RM chuckling.When it comes back RM is standing outside a really big bright palace. Strong just stands there, looking up at it in awe*
R.M. – WOW….. Just… Wow… me must have one hell of a budget….
Brandon – Yea, but, answer something for me… How did you do that screen black thing?
R.M. – By The Power Of Grey Skull… I HAVE THE POWER!!!!!
Brandon – Alright, He-Man, that will be about enough of that. So, you think we should just go up and knock?
*RM shrugs and heads towards the palace. It takes him a minute, but when he finally reaches he looks up, still in awe of the whole thing*
Brandon – Man, that thing is HUGE.
R.M. – That’s what she said….
*The two of them start busting out laughing, RM bending over holding his stomach. After a minute or so, the laughing dies down and RM stands. He shakes his head, and knocks on the door…. Nothing…..He knocks again, still nothing. He shrugs and pushes the door open. Inside the palace it is completely desolete. He turns to Brandon*
R.M. – Man, it’s like Duncun McLeod’s Impact Title Run in here.
Brandon – DUDE, for the last time, DAN HIGHLANDER, not THE HIGHLANDER. Jesus. What did you mean by that?
R.M. – Dead and Uneventful… hah.
Brandon – Man, Dan is gonna make you eat every word you say. You better be careful.
R.M. – Careful? The only reason he won that belt was me. If you don’t remember, I went in there and tore the house down. It took five of those fools to throw me out. And The Hammer won why? BECAUSE HE THREW A GIRL OUT. The Big Bad Dan Highlander, Mr. The Hammer, had to throw a girl out to win a belt. And it wasn’t just ANY girl, it was Angel. My sweet delicious Angel. So yeah, who’s big and bad now? Nope, not The Hammer. I’ll go with The Windy City Wrecking Ball for the win.
Brandon – Uh, man, you used a baseball bat to take them out…. That doesn’t make you strong.
R.M. – Maybe not, but my last name makes me Strong… hah. But who cares if I used Ryan, it still took five people to kick me out of there. How do you think Danny Boy will do one on one with me? Huh? Not well. That’s how.
*RM grins big as he walks through the palace. He reaches a door that says “The Wizard” on it. Below that is a hand written note. RM picks it up;
“To Whom It May Concern,
I regret to inform you, but due to circumstances beyond our control, The Wizard will not be available until November the Thirteenth. We are sorry for any problems this may cause.
Yours,
The Wizard”
*RM grumbles and wrinkles up the paper, tossing it on the ground
R.M. – Ok, this is bullshit. Where is that bitch Mary Jane, I need to get the hell out of here.
*Just as he finishes talking, the recognizable puff of smoke shows up, materializing into Mary Jane. She smacks RM across the face*
Mary – If you call me a bitch one more time, you’ll be stuck here. Besides, you had the power to roll out of here any time you wanted, I just figured you needed some exercise, tubs.
*RM scouls at her*
Mary – Just take that Ruby Red Pipe out of your pocket, hit it three times, and say “There’s No Place Like Chicago”. You’ll go on the greatest trip in your life.
*RM raises an eyebrow, and Mary motions for him to pull it it. RM reaches into his pocket and pulls out a Red pipe from it. He places it in his mouth, lights, and takes a hit. He says the phrase each time, on the third one, he lets out his smoke, coughs a little, and the screen starts to get swirly. As RM starts to vanish into the swirl he yells “YOU ARE ONE HOT BITCH”. The screen fades to black. When it comes back, RM is laying in a hospital bed. There is nurse who looks exactly like Mary Jane. RM grins then looks around confused*
R.M. – Dude, I was in the weirdest place. And you were there, and you were there, and Brandi, you were a dog.
Brandon – You need to lay off the drugs man.
R.M. – Probably, and you told me I have a match in Jersey…. I’m glad that was a dream..
Brandon – The New Jersey thing isn’t a dream. You really are going back there.
R.M. – GOD DAMMIT!!!!
*RM starts pulling needles and crap out of his arm as the camera fades to black*
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Opinions are WELCOME
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*The camera opens up to an alley way. There is a ruckus coming from behind it. Brandon slowly turns around as you see RM Strong come running around the corner and into the alley. His hair is dripping wet with sweat. He is wearing a white Ozzy Osbourne shirt, which is also covered in sweat. He comes to a stop in front of the camera, leaning over, his hands on his knees and he is breathing hard*
R.M. – Hey…….. Bren…….da…..
Brandon – A little over exaggerated there, don’t you think?
R.M. – Fu….ck…..You…..
Brandon – Not very nice, Robbie… What the hell are you running from, Mr. I’m a big bad merc for hire?
R.M. - *Finally catching his breath* Your mom, bitch. That woman is scary, real scary. Like Baby scary…. You remember that bitch Baby, right?
Brandon – Ugh, yea, I remember her. Hey, at least I wasn’t the one who almost married that cow beast. But seriously man, what the hell has got you running like that?
*RM looks around nervously. He dusts himself off as he stands up. He looks behind him once again, than at the camera*
R.M. – Well, I was walking down the road, minding my own business, when a rabid group of local crack heads went on the attack. There were hundreds, no, thousands of them. It was like a zombie apocalypse. Anyways, they chased me for like, seven blocks. I finally dodged in here, and I found you.
Brandon – Really, you were minding your own business? For some reason I really find that hard to believe.
R.M. – For serious, man, I wasn’t doing anyt….
*Before RM can finish, a yellow painted brick comes flying through the air, cracking Strong on the back of his skull. RM Collapses into a pile on the street. A laugh comes from up the alley, Brandon turns the camera, where there are four black midgets standing there laughing. They turn around and walk away. Brandon leans down to RM, reaching his hand out to shake him*
Brandon – RM! Hey man, are you ok? RM, Wake up dude, you just got punked by a bunch of midgets. Get up!
*The camera begins to blue away. When it fades back into view, RM is still laying on the ground, but he isn’t in the alley that he was in before. Under him, sticking out are two small feet, no shoes and very dirty. RM doesn’t notice the feet as he starts to stir and wake up. He stands up and looks around. The whole place is bright and happy. He shakes his head as he looks around, apparently not being able to believe what he is seeing. He looks around again. The trees are multicolored, all bright colors. Blue, green, pink, orange and yellow. Strong has a very confused look etched across his face. He turns to look at the camera and Brandon, when he starts bursting out laughing, almost uncontrollably. *
R.M. – Dude, you really need to see yourself, you’re a fucking dog man, no joke. What the hell is going on around here?
*Brandon slowly moves his hand in front of the camera. Well, in this case it’s actually a paw. RM is still laughing, almost falling over*
Brandon – I don’t think we’re in Chicago anymore, dude.
R.M. – Thanks for the news flash, dip shit. You really think I didn’t figure that out?
*Before Brandon can reply, four black midgets walk from a tiny house. It is the same four midgets that attacked RM from the alley way. They start to approach RM, who jumps, trying to find a place to hide. Brandon laughs from behind the camera*
Black Midget #1 – Oh man, you really did a number on that bitch.
Black Midget #2 – Yes sir, you sure did. I don’t think she will be pushing her goods around here anymore.
R.M. – Uh, what the hell? What’s going on around here? Who are you people, and what the hell are you talking about?
Black Midget #3 – Guys, he wants to know who we are. Do you think we should introduce ourselves to this mouth breather?
*The other three midgets nod, and they come together, forming a line. From somewhere, not really sure where, but somewhere, music begins to play. The four midgets start rocking back and forth as they begin to sing*
Black Midgets – We represent, the crack head crew, the crack head crew, the crack head crew. We represent the crack head creeeew, do you have any crack?!
*The four of them smile at each other, and look at RM, who smacks his own forehead. He reaches out and picks up the first of the four midgets. He holds him to eye level, glaring at him for a moment*
R.M. – Ok, first, don’t sing anymore. No I do not have any crack, go to rehab. And finally, this seems oddly familiar but at the same time different. But, if you people don’t start answering my damn questions, I’ll start beating them out of you. I have no problem beating up midgets, trust me.
*Black Midget #4 runs up, pulls his leg back, and kicks RM in the shin. RM drops the other midget and grabs his leg, rubbing it as he mumbles “Little Bastard”. The four midgets and Brandon all laugh at RM*
R.M. – Screw all of you, I’ll just beat my answer out you little twirps…
*RM starts to take off after the midgets, when a puff of smoke floats into view, stopping RM dead in his tracks. He follows the smoke with his eyes, when it stops next to him. It starts to form into that of a woman. Actually, she’s a real hot red headed hippie chick. RM grins at her as he looks her up and down, licking his lips, still grinning.*
R.M. – Girl, where have you been all my life?
Hippie Chick – Robert, you can’t hurt the crack head crew, they are my best customers.
*RM frowns at her*
R.M. – And what makes you the authority around here, sweet heart?
Hippie Chick – I’m Mary Jane, the good trip of the north. I have been sent here to confirm that you dispatched some of my competition. From everything I see, you really took out Lizzie D for me.
R.M. – What the hell is a Lizzie D?
Mary Jane – Lizzie D is that lady you fell on, you big oaf. She’s known; well at least used to be known as The Bad Trip of the East. Her, and her sister Percephony are my biggest competition. You, my friend, have taken care of this one for me. For that I thank you…
*RM looks over to where he landed. There is another hippie laying there. Her body begins to bubble, and seeps into the ground around her. RM jumps back, startled and lets out a little scream. Brandon slightly chuckles from behind the camera, RM turns quickly and glares at him*
R.M. – This whole damn situation is starting to get really, really weird. The last thing I remember was being chased by those, uh, crack heads. When I wake up, I have a bunch of midgets singing to me, this really sexy hippie chick, who is saying I took out her competition, and I flat ironed some other broad, who in turn bubbled away into obscurity. Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on around here?!
Brandon – Dude, I’m starting to think we are in some twisted fucked up version of Oz.
R.M. – The Prison?!
Brandon – Really? Does this look like a god damned prison to you? No, you dumbass, I mean Oz, as in Dorothy, Toto, the Scarecrow, Glenda the good witch, those annoying munchkins.
R.M. – Ah, that explains everything, including the fact that you’re a dog… Makes sense.
Brandon – I really don’t want to talk about that.
*RM turns to Mary Jane, looking her up and down once again. He grins as he moves closer*
R.M. – So tell me, Mary, how the hell do I get out of this dump? I’m sick of it, and I have some place I need to be.
Mary Jane – There is some place that you feel is more important than the merry old land of Odd?
R.M. – You mean Oz, right?
Mary Jane – No, I meant Odd. Warner Brothers would have our asses tied up in legal battles if we called it Oz.
R.M. – Well, I’ll be damned. Ok, I’ll bite. So, I need to get out of Odd, because this coming Tuesday I have a wrestling match. I’m facing The Highlander.
Brandon – Dude, it’s not The Highlander, it’s Highlander, like Dan Highlander.
R.M. – But… But… Man, that kills my whole “there can be only one” thing I was going to do.
*RM looks down at the ground like a scorned little kid, kicking the pebbles in front of him with his hands in his pocket. Then his eyes light up as he looks up*
R.M. – My God, we are in the Land of Odd, where anything is possible, so Dan may very well be The Highlander.
Brandon – Were you dropped on your head as a child? I mean, really, is there something seriously wrong with you? Now, can we please find a way out of this place? We need to be in Jersey by Monday night…
R.M. – Wait.. WHAT?!
Brandon – It part of the New Gamble Rules. We must be on location twenty-four hours before any event.
R.M. – I didn’t mean that, and I don’t care, I’ll show up whenever the hell I feel like it, screw Gamble. What I meant was, where the hell are we going?
Brandon – Uh, Asbury Park, New Jersey, why?
R.M. – GOD DAMMIT! What the hell? Why do I always fucking end up in God forsaken New Jersey every time I wrestle for this company? I swear, they are trying to god damn kill me. Having to go back to that fucking cess pool…
Brandon – Great, here you go ranting about Snooki again. I swear, I’m really starting to think you have a crush on that girl.
R.M. – Dude, eww. No way. If I have a crush on any one from that show, its Jwoww, she’s hot… wow.
*Mary Jane sighs as she watches the two of them banter back and forth. She waits for a minute and interupts.*
Mary Jane – BOYS! Can we please focus here? You two are like a couple of high school gossip queens
R.M. – Well that was uncalled for…
Brandon – I know, right? Damn lady, why don’t you do the world a favor and go smoke yourself and relax a little?
*She shakes her head in disbelief at the two of them*
Mary Jane – I thought you two wanted out of here?
R.M. – I Do! Can you please send me home?
Mary Jane – Well, if you follow this Sunshine Masonry Street, it will lead you to the wizard, who I assure you will be able to get you home.
R.M. - *Looking down at the stree* It looks like a yellow brick road to me…
*Mary reaches out and smacks RM on the back of his head. Brandon chuckles as RM rips around staring her down. He scouls and turns to Brandon*
R.M. – Come on Brittany, lets head down the old dusty trail….
*Just as he says that, the ground beside Strong starts to bubble. He jumps back as another hippie woman, this one not nearly as hot as Mary Jane, rises up from the bubbling. She turns to Strong and points at him*
Hippie Bubble Lady – I’ll get you my studly, and your little dog too!
*She laughs evily as RM looks at her. He frowns and procedes to punch her in the face. She drops to the ground. Strong steps back, measures her, and kicks her in the face. She begins to bubble back into the ground*
R.M. – God I hate when people threaten me. That must have been Percephony, huh?
*Mary Jane nods as she stares at the scene that just went down. RM shrugs and turns around, walking down the, uh, Sunshine Masonry Street. Mary is still just watching him*
R.M. – Ok, we are making some headway now. But damn, this shit is getting insane. First I end up in some fantasy land, than you tell me that my match with Duncun McLeod is in Jersey. Anymore bad news, Bertha?
Brandon – DUDE, his name is DAN HIGHLANDER, not Duncon McLeod, damn. But, I do have some more news. This match, its for the Impact Title.
R.M. – Oh, that’s not bad at all, I think I can deal with that. RM Strong, CWF Impact Champion. Yeah, that has a nice ring to it.
Brandon – If I recall correctly, you don’t care about being a champion, right?
R.M. – And if I recall correctly, shut up. Winning titles makes me money, money makes me happy, so winning a title would make me happy, get it?
Brandon – What did you do to get a title shot anyways?
R.M. – That’s between me and Gamble, don’t you worry about any of that. Besides, if I win the belt, I’ll just pawn it anyways. Hey, when are we going to be in Vegas? I’ll roll down to the Pawn Stars shop and hawk that shit.
Brandon – Can you please focus on Dan before you decide what you’re gonna do with the belt? Highlander isn’t a push over, this match isn’t going to be easy man. He’s good, damn good, and you havn’t exactly been, uh, active as of late.
R.M. – I’m in perfect shape, you don’t know what you’re talking about Brandi.
Brandon – Yea, your shape is a perfect circle, Stay Puft.
*RM glares at Brandon, when from the left hand side of the road there is a rustling. Brandon spans over as RM puts his fists up ready to fight. A man, dressed as a crow, peeks his head out from behind a tree. He screams and hides again*
R.M. – Hey, You, Get your ass out here!
*The man peeks out again, and wimpers as he walks towards RM, who has put his fists down. He’s shaking as he reaches him. RM extends his hand, and the guy screams*
R.M. – Ok, whats your deal?
Crow Guy – It really isn’t my fault, I’m afraid of everything, absolutly everything. They call me The Scared Crow.
R.M. – Really? We can’t even use The Scare Crow? We have to use this one? I’d rather have Sheryl Crow out here. Wait, CUT! Some one please hand me the script…
*The Scared Crow looks confusingly at Strong as a stage hand runs out with the script in his hand. RM rips it from him and starts flipping through the pages. His face turns into a frown as he rubs his head. He reaches the end and throws the booklet away. The stage hand runs off*
R.M. – Ok, this just isn’t going to work. Scared Crow, you won’t be needed anymore. You will be paid for what you have done, but I just can’t handle this crap. So move along. Well we are at it, some one please tell The Tint Man and The Cowlicked Lion that they are also fired. I swear, you damn writers took my brialliant idea and turned it into garbage. While I’m at it, I’m not even walking through this forest. I’m going straight to the palace. I have things to take care of.
Brandon – Umm, Rob, are you sure you can do that?
R.M. – Dude, I can do whatever I want. Watch. Can we please cut to black.
*The screen fades to blackness with RM chuckling.When it comes back RM is standing outside a really big bright palace. Strong just stands there, looking up at it in awe*
R.M. – WOW….. Just… Wow… me must have one hell of a budget….
Brandon – Yea, but, answer something for me… How did you do that screen black thing?
R.M. – By The Power Of Grey Skull… I HAVE THE POWER!!!!!
Brandon – Alright, He-Man, that will be about enough of that. So, you think we should just go up and knock?
*RM shrugs and heads towards the palace. It takes him a minute, but when he finally reaches he looks up, still in awe of the whole thing*
Brandon – Man, that thing is HUGE.
R.M. – That’s what she said….
*The two of them start busting out laughing, RM bending over holding his stomach. After a minute or so, the laughing dies down and RM stands. He shakes his head, and knocks on the door…. Nothing…..He knocks again, still nothing. He shrugs and pushes the door open. Inside the palace it is completely desolete. He turns to Brandon*
R.M. – Man, it’s like Duncun McLeod’s Impact Title Run in here.
Brandon – DUDE, for the last time, DAN HIGHLANDER, not THE HIGHLANDER. Jesus. What did you mean by that?
R.M. – Dead and Uneventful… hah.
Brandon – Man, Dan is gonna make you eat every word you say. You better be careful.
R.M. – Careful? The only reason he won that belt was me. If you don’t remember, I went in there and tore the house down. It took five of those fools to throw me out. And The Hammer won why? BECAUSE HE THREW A GIRL OUT. The Big Bad Dan Highlander, Mr. The Hammer, had to throw a girl out to win a belt. And it wasn’t just ANY girl, it was Angel. My sweet delicious Angel. So yeah, who’s big and bad now? Nope, not The Hammer. I’ll go with The Windy City Wrecking Ball for the win.
Brandon – Uh, man, you used a baseball bat to take them out…. That doesn’t make you strong.
R.M. – Maybe not, but my last name makes me Strong… hah. But who cares if I used Ryan, it still took five people to kick me out of there. How do you think Danny Boy will do one on one with me? Huh? Not well. That’s how.
*RM grins big as he walks through the palace. He reaches a door that says “The Wizard” on it. Below that is a hand written note. RM picks it up;
“To Whom It May Concern,
I regret to inform you, but due to circumstances beyond our control, The Wizard will not be available until November the Thirteenth. We are sorry for any problems this may cause.
Yours,
The Wizard”
*RM grumbles and wrinkles up the paper, tossing it on the ground
R.M. – Ok, this is bullshit. Where is that bitch Mary Jane, I need to get the hell out of here.
*Just as he finishes talking, the recognizable puff of smoke shows up, materializing into Mary Jane. She smacks RM across the face*
Mary – If you call me a bitch one more time, you’ll be stuck here. Besides, you had the power to roll out of here any time you wanted, I just figured you needed some exercise, tubs.
*RM scouls at her*
Mary – Just take that Ruby Red Pipe out of your pocket, hit it three times, and say “There’s No Place Like Chicago”. You’ll go on the greatest trip in your life.
*RM raises an eyebrow, and Mary motions for him to pull it it. RM reaches into his pocket and pulls out a Red pipe from it. He places it in his mouth, lights, and takes a hit. He says the phrase each time, on the third one, he lets out his smoke, coughs a little, and the screen starts to get swirly. As RM starts to vanish into the swirl he yells “YOU ARE ONE HOT BITCH”. The screen fades to black. When it comes back, RM is laying in a hospital bed. There is nurse who looks exactly like Mary Jane. RM grins then looks around confused*
R.M. – Dude, I was in the weirdest place. And you were there, and you were there, and Brandi, you were a dog.
Brandon – You need to lay off the drugs man.
R.M. – Probably, and you told me I have a match in Jersey…. I’m glad that was a dream..
Brandon – The New Jersey thing isn’t a dream. You really are going back there.
R.M. – GOD DAMMIT!!!!
*RM starts pulling needles and crap out of his arm as the camera fades to black*
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