Marcus Welsh Announces OCW Survivor: Season 1

[Marcus Welsh]

~We cut to the OCW press room. Marcus Welsh stands behind the podium. JOCK REASONING is seated to his right. Welsh has a big smile on his face~

Marcus Welsh: Sorry for calling you all here on this beautiful Tuesday evening. I know how the local bars love to throw those unbeatable deals around in the middle of the week. But…press people, this is an announcement not to be missed. Jock…could you do the honors?

~Jock Reasoning stands up and walks toward a rectangular item covered with a black cloth. He rips the cloth away…or, well tries to…part of it gets stuck on the upper right corner. A loud “TEAR” sounds as Jock struggles to get it removed. Finally, the task is complete with a semi-angry Welsh shaking his head. Jock sits down, crumpling the portion of the black cloth that remains in his hands~

Marcus Welsh: That’s right…we here at OCW are proud to announce the arrival of OCW Survivor: Season 1!

Reporter 1: Scuse me, sir…but isn’t that kind of a blatant rip off?

Marcus Welsh: Kind of? It’s a TOTAL rip off of the popular CBS show. However, Jimmy Buffet and Mark Burnett are associates and they struck a deal. The particulars are beyond me but, rest assured, we have Burnett’s blessing to blatantly rip off his popular reality show.

Reporter 1: What about Amazing Race? Will we see an OCW Amazing Race?

Marcus Welsh: That show sucks. No way.

Reporter 2: Uhh yes…who is going to be hosting this show? Please tell me it will be The Knife Man

Marcus Welsh: No, he will be too busy fixing whatever technical issues we are having while scoping out injured knees. Instead, the man to my right…Jock Reasoning will be the host.

Reporter 2: Strong name

Marcus Welsh: Yes, it is. He was around in 2014 for those of you with severe alcohol problems. He helped manage The Family against Brianna Casablancas and her team at Total Demolition.

Reporter 3: Will Bifford be on the show?

Marcus Welsh: No comment

Reporter 3: And, what prizes will await the winner?

Marcus Welsh: An Ascension Title shot will be gifted to the winner. If the winner already holds a championship, then they will receive an OCW Title shot. If the winner happens to be the OCW Champion well, then they get to pick their next challenger.

Reporter 4: Active roster only?

Marcus Welsh: This show is open to members of the past, the present and, hopefully, the future.

Reporter 4: And where is this show taking place? I hope not Bolivia. I HATE Bolivia.

Marcus Welsh: Well, good news for you my friend…this show will take place in The Amazon.

Reporter 4: What? Like on the website?

~Welsh rolls his eyes and points at the idiot. OCW Head of Security Barry Man is Low rushes in and drags the member away~

Reporter 5: Will this air on STARZ?

Marcus Welsh: Yes, every Friday night at 9pm central.

Reporter 5: And when will the first show debut?

Marcus Welsh: If all goes well, Friday, April 7th…if not, Friday, April 14th…but no later than that.

Reporter 6: Can I play?

Marcus Welsh: No, you are bland and boring.

~Welsh has grown tired of answering questions~

Marcus Welsh: That’s about all I have to say. The list of competitors will be revealed in a few days. If you have any other questions…that’s what Jock Reasoning is here for.

~Welsh exits, leaving Jock to answer questions from these insane reporters~