Post by WilsonTheVolleyball on Mar 17, 2015 14:46:58 GMT -5
"Hey what's up guys? Ricky Valdez here!"
"Randy Valdez too!"
"Welcome to the most grammatically incorrect wrestling webshow out there."
"He's not lying about that. Not even we understand the name of the show."
The setting is the same as it is for every other episode of Common.Tary: the living room of Ricky and Randy's quant apartment. Randy is sitting back on the couch sporting a green basketball jersey, the Maple Syrup Championship on his shoulder, and a super serious headband. He's also spinning a basketball with his finger. The coffee table is completely filled with all sorts of goodies such as chips, dip, popcorn, and even a mini cooler stocked with Coca-Cola. There's an open laptop on the table as well. Ricky Valdez is off to the side standing in front of a huge eraser board.
"Hey Rick what are you doing over there?"
"Good segue Randy! I'm just working on our NCAA Bracket."
"You never struck me as one to watch basketball. I figured your efed took up most of your physical energy."
"Hey that's not true! I can plenty ball. Especially after seeing this music video by Kurtis Blow, it made me realize I had the wrong idea about basketball. I always thought it was about being a physical freak of nature, but it turns out you can bring nunchuks onto the court to balance out the size issues. Also every now and then one of those old timey photographers will jump in your face and snap a picture with his camera. The flash of the bulb could really help neutralize guys on the court."
"So... it sounds like you disagree with Barkley when it comes to analytics. That makes sense. So how is our bracket looking anyways?"
Ricky steps back and examines the eraser board.
"Well let's see. Uhhhh right now it's kinda blank. So let's fill this bad boy out. Who do you think will be in the final four?"
"Honestly I don't watch much basketball either. I just like doing this cool trick with the ball. Check this out!"
Randy transfers the spinning ball from his finger to the top of head. He spreads his arms out in a ta-da motion.
"Hey that's pretty cool! Our street cred just went through the roof, but it unfortunately doesn't help our bracket. We gotta fix this."
Randy transfers the spinning ball back to his finger.
"I heard that Kentucky team is damn good this year. We could just pencil them in. Their coach is some guy named John Calipari."
"Well that's fitting. That name just happens to be of Italian descent, much like where OCW's next pay-per-view will be taking place."
"Careful now Rick. People will realize the formula to the show. But yes folks OCW's latest event is Code of Silence and we'll be taking Milan, Italy by storm. Awe.Some will be there and so will all your other favorite OCW stars. Every belt will be on the line."
"Shameless, yes, but Kentucky is also undefeated there buddy. As PerZag would say, they are worthy! Before we get too far ahead, I'd like to tell the viewers that we have a great guest coming on in a few moments. Treat Cassidy, current agent of OCW World Heavyweight Champion Chad Vargas, will be stopping by to talk with us about Chad's defense against Danny B at Code of Silence."
Ricky fills out a portion of the bracket as he speaks while Randy reaches for some popcorn.
"Oh!" chew chew "Gonzaga." chew chew chew "They're good too. You should totally put them in the Final Four."
"Unfortunately good isn't going to be good enough to be on our bracket Randy. We need more sound reasoning than that and I'm a guy who does prefer the analytics of basketball above anything else. Hmmm...."
Randy seems pretty focused on the snacks in front of him.
"Wait a second. You did say Gonzaga right?"
Randy nods.
"Ah ha! Gonzaga is a big time Roman Catholic university man. The school was founded by an Italian priest, so the university shares a lot of qualities architecturally with what we'll see when we venture to Milan in two weeks for Code of Silence. Not only that, but Italy is also the home of the one, the only, the Pope!"
"Oh shit that's right! Vatican City lies at the heart of Italy. Dude we gotta put Gonzaga in now. Think about how often you hear athletes give thanks to God for their triumphs. Look what he did for Tim Tebow! Putting God in our Final Four almost guarantees we'll have a winning bracket."
"Actually Randy, I was merely pointing out historical facts about Gonzaga that tie into the rest of the world for educationa-"
"NOPE! ENGAGE GOD MODE!"
Randy transfers the spinning ball from his finger to the top of his head again. Ta-da! Ricky turns his attention back to the eraser board and begins to write.
"Okay fine. God mode it is. Gonzaga is in. Two more teams to go. Now Villanova is a top seed and they seem poised to make a run, but I'm really liking this Louisville squad becau-"
"Wait!"
"...What now?"
"Villanova. Do they have any religious ties?"
"Yes actually. They're also coincidently a Roman Catholic university."
"See! That proves my reasoning behind Gonzaga. You just said Villanova is a top seed so clearly God is on their side too. Let's do it! Let's double our chances."
"I'm not sure I'm comfortable with what you're doing here Randy. I mean don't you want to at least go with a university because it has a coach who is really passionate about creating a good atmosphere? I'd be much more confident picking a school for reasons like a coach demanding professionalism out of his players. But that's just me."
"Okay, so maybe your way might be better after all..."
Randy smiles in victory as Ricky writes in Villanova.
"Alright. We got one last team to put in and, no, we're not using your theory anymore."
"Well shit. Who does that leave us with?"
"A lot of people are a-jonesing about this Virginia team."
"Did you just use the phrase 'a-jonesing'?"
Brief silence.
"Dude are you 80?"
"It's a good phrase man! So people are a-jonesing for Virginia but I dunno. Can't quite put my finger on it but I don't care much for them."
"Well who else is in that bracket?"
"Baylor."
"As in the Baylor from our home state of Texas?"
"Yep. The Baylor Bears!"
"Hooray for shameless homerism!"
"Baylor Bears, baby!"
"BAYLOR! WOOO!"
"BAY-LOR! BAY-LOR! BAY-LOR! BAY-LOR!"
"Hey Randy, did you happen to catch Tatum Coe's promo two weeks ago for the 'Oh Shit' Match?"
"Yeah man. Classic Tatum Coe!"
"But were you aware that OCW had trading cards? This is totally exciting. I remember growing up I used to collect baseball cards. Now I get to relive all of that with these cool OCW cards. As soon as I watched Coe's promo, I went down to that store and practically dove into the bin."
"Find any good loot?"
"You know it! Check it out."
Ricky hands a stack of cards to Randy and the two begin to flip through them.
"Whoa check out this Ian Bishop card. I'm not exactly sure, but it does seem like the picture they used is him snorting some cocaine... Well that's interesting to say the least."
"If you think that's a funny photo, look at this Alice Knight card. Apparently she moved when the picture was taken because the photo is just a giant blur."
Awe.Some shuffles through more cards.
"What's the deal with this Supreme Machine card? There's only half of it."
"Oh, that's the card showing one half of SuMa's personality. I don't have the card for his other half. That thing is hard to find."
"That's a collector's item for sure. Very neat idea! And hey look at this -- a Tatum Coe card."
"Another one?"
"Yeah. You got one too?"
"Man I got like 4 of them. They were everywhere in that bin. Let me see that card for a second."
Randy hands Ricky the card. Ricky produces an ink pen. He scratches out Tatum Coe's name and writes something above it. Ricky hands the card back to Randy.
"Sweet a Ricky Rhodes card!"
"We got a great treat here for you guys today, because we're going to be joined by Treat Cassidy."
"Not many people would consider an agent to have such an influence on a wrestling promotion, let alone OCW, but Treat Cassidy is a man who represents many members of our roster. Mack O'Connor and Ashe Dawson just to name a few. And right now he happens to represent the current OCW World Heavyweight Champion Chad Vargas. Treat Cassidy is joining us via Skype."
The sound of a Skype call-in plays from the laptop on the coffee table. Ricky leans over and presses a button on the keyboard. We now get a split screen shot. Billy Squier’s “Everybody Wants You” is playing in the background as Treat Cassidy appears on one side of the screen and Awe.Some on the other. Treat looks simply amazing as always, dressed in an extremely expensive blue pinstriped three piece suit with an off blue tie. Treat waves to the audience as he gets settled in.
Cassidy: "Thank you, thank you for having me. You’ve got a really nice spread over there."
Ricky and Randy look around at all the snacks around them and laugh.
"Thanks for coming on our misguided show Treat. We're not much for health nuts though as you can probably tell."
"Hey Treat, what teams do you like to win it all in the NCAA basketball tournament this year?"
Cassidy: "Oh, good question. I love this time of the year. Why my Hurricanes haven’t gotten a bid to get on the bracket is beyond me. Being a U alum, I follow the canes very closely. But, here are my favorites. I like Kentucky, Maryland, West Virginia and Duke. If I wasn’t so confident in Duke, I’d love to throw North Florida in there as a darkhorse, but – those are my teams – you heard it first, Ricky!"
"He sounds more confident than we do, that's for sure."
"Treat, Randy here. Let's say we're about to play a game of 3 on 3 streetball: Ricky, myself, and Bob Grenier against your team. Who are the two guys Treat's rolling with on his team?"
Cassidy: "Hmm, knowing Grenier as well as I do, being a former client of mine – I know he isn’t much of a balla, as they the kids say, I’m gonna have to draft Noah Mackenzie and President Dean, and we will reign victorious, Sorry Randy."
"Hey man those guys can't do this though!"
Randy once again does the trick where he spins the ball on his head. It's slowly lost its luster.
"Who is a person on the current roster that you don't represent but would love to have as a client?"
Cassidy: "Honestly, I don’t know if I have a whole lot of room with what I’ve currently got going on, Chad Vargas, Mack O’Connor, Ashe Dawson and Noah Mackenzie all have huge egos but, if I had to pick up a few more clients, I do see a lot of potential in Supreme Machine. I like Ricky Rhodes as well, and I extended an offer to Mason Dixon recently but have yet to hear back. I’d also really love to have Bob Grenier back, because he’s a very marketable star with loads of talent. But you know Ricky. I don’t normally need to throw offers, people have usually waited in line to acquire my services. You know, I’d love to represent a tag team.
"Well being in the business you're in, I'm sure you'd understand that Rachel would have our heads on a platter if we negotiated with other agents. Haha. But man if any of those names you just listed are listening, they should totally give you a call."
"Or if you get in trouble with the law. Treat's got an impressive record as a defense attorney. We'll be sure to keep that in the rolodex. Hey Treat, how do you keep all your clients from clashing with one an other?"
Cassidy: "It’s tough, I don’t play favorites, but as everyone knows I have known Chad Vargas since 2003 and he’s been my client ever sense, he actually brought me into pro wrestling, when I was a young defense attorney in upper Tennessee I got him out of some hot water he was in, and we’ve remained close ever since. It was tough at last month’s show, because two of my clients went toe to toe with one another for the championship, one won and one lost. I’ve kept Mack O’Connor happy though and was able to negotiate a #1 contenders match with him at Code of Silence. It is hard at times, Randy, but when you are as organized as I am, everything flows well."
"What's the strangest contract demand you've seen?"
Cassidy: There have definitely been a lot, a client I had back when I was a rookie agent, by the name of Mike Williams had a contract full of incentives, such as, each time he performed a suplex, or a clothesline, he would receive something crazy like $1000, so during all of his matches he’d basically just hit random clotheslines out of nowhere. He was quite the character."
"Get Rachel on the phone right now! We want that kind of deal!"
"I'll send her a text about it. Treat, Ricky here again. Can you tell us how having a client like Chad Vargas presents unique challenges in terms of business and public relations?"
Cassidy: "It’s very challenging at time, he and I are like day and night. I don’t know how many dollars in fines he’s paid for some of the things that he says and the racist hateful things he says to and about people. He will pay the fine and be done with it, but it hurts me on the business standpoint of it. A few years ago, he would enter a wrestling promotion and be fired and or banned a month later because of the things he would do and say, and the challenge of it all is he just doesn’t listen. So, it’s a lot of bribery with alcohol that helps most times. Here in OCW, he hasn’t ran into any problems because President Dean really doesn’t censor much, which is perfect for Vargas and guys like him."
"What was the first thing Chad said to you after winning the OCW World Heavyweight Championship?"
Cassidy: “Did I really win!?” Chad Vargas is a very confident man, but I still don’t think it’s sunk in that he actually walked out of Revenge the World Heavyweight champion of OCW. It’s been quite a win-less streak as of late for him in terms of any titles. His last being in 2008, after he asked me that though, he asked for a Percocet and a shot of whiskey. It was a hellacious match to say the least.
"Wow that's kinda... humanizing to hear Chad Vargas speak like that, albeit for just a moment.. Certainly takes me aback. Wrestling fans never get to see our entire world, so stuff like that is cool to hear about. Very insightful nugget you just gave us, Treat. Thanks for sharing that."
"Treat, you are a huge reason why Danny B versus Chad Vargas is happening at Code of Silence. Any words for Danny B as we approach March 29th?"
Cassidy: "Yes sir, but if you’re talking to Danny B, he’ll tell you he’s the reason, and that he’s deserving of the championship shot, last summer I booked Danny B versus Chad, Chad barely was there mentally, and ended up getting hurt in the process of the match, I wanted Chad to avenge the injury and get the best of Danny. I don’t really even like the guy too much to be honest. He takes shots at me whenever he gets the chance, but if you thumb through the OCW record books, you’ll see he’s the main reason as to why OCW went down the crapper back in August. He’s full of blind arrogance. He’s so arrogant for essentially doing nothing in this company. His Central championship reign back in June was lucked into because the current champion Ian Bishop had quit the company, the long Tag title reign he and Amber Ryan had was a fluke as well, because there was no other tag teams in OCW at the time, and don’t even get me started on his sham Hall of Fame. I’m more deserved of a Hall of Fame enshrinement than Danny B. I guess I’m just rambling here, so the only thing I really want to say is, hopefully after Chad Vargas wipes the floor with Danny B, he will finally realize he is very much full of arrogance as he is talent."
"Whoa! Man there's a lot in there we really want to get into. You touched up on OCW history. You touched up on personal beef. This is the kind of information Common.Tary was made for."
"Only partly true Ricky. Common.Tary was also made for stuff like this. Take it away Rache!"
"Hi guys! Rachel Valdez here and it's time to play a new game called... GUESS WHO?"
"Yeah man! New game!"
"I kinda wanted to ask him more about this Danny B stuff man."
"Nope. Gotta keep it moving Ricky."
"Alright, alright. So we're testing out a new game here Treat. You folks at home can also play along. If it sucks, it sucks.. That's our disclaimer. Here's how the game works. We're going to show snippets of NCAA basketball logos and you have to guess what team it is. Ready? Let's do this!"
"Let's do this!"
Cassidy: "Ah, simple - Baylor Bears."
"Got it! Baylor Bears, baby!"
"BAYLOR! WOOHOO!"
"BAY-LOR! BAY-LOR! BAY-LOR! BAY-LOR!"
"Alright next one."
Cassidy: "Even easier than before, Rick. That's the almighty Duke!"
"Hell yeah man! I like this game already. Seems easy enough."
"Softball, Rick. It's meant to get our confidence up. Let's try another one, Treat."
"Whaddya say, Treat?"
Cassidy: "Cinncy Bearcats!"
"Yeah!"
Ricky and Randy highfive one another with much exaggeration.
"Alright, so this next one is a bit of a fastball. If you can guess this, you're the man."
"Really try and think about this one now."
"Hmmm..."
"Yeah fuck that. Sheesh."
Cassidy: "That is a fastball you got there, Randy. Is that the symbol for No Parking? Because I'm unsure what team utilizes that logo."
"It's a tough one for sure. Those at home take a good guess, then scroll down to see what it is..."
"BOOM!"
"Mind is somewhat blown!"
"Alright well that was the last of 'em. Thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to talk to us, Treat. Anytime you want to come back on the show, don't hesitate to ask!"
Cassidy: "Thanks guys!"
"Take care man. See you in Italy."
The Skype call ends.
"That was Treat Cassidy, OCW's biggest name when it comes to the big names. Any of you rising stars or even established vets want to get a good agent, he's your guy. One of his clients, Chad Vargas, will be defending the OCW World Heavyweight Championship against Danny B at Code of Silence at the end of March. You can get in touch with Treat on Twitter by clicking here. Good stuff there man. Lots of info."
"Well that was fun! If you want to keep up with our tomfoolery, you can follow Awe.Some @awesomerachelv. Promos, segments, Maple Syrup Championship updates. It's all there."
"And as always, we do these shows whenever we feel like it."
"Code of Silence! March 29th! Be sure to order the show because it looks to be a great one. If you still haven't seen the card, just click here to do so. See you guys at the La Scala Opera House in Italy!"
"No one clicks the music, Ricky. Later!"