President Dean Reveals 'The Cube'

[Marcus Welsh]

With Revenge nearly 3 weeks away, it has been noted by several OCW fans that every match has a stipulation aside from one...the OCW Title Match.

Well, that omission has been corrected as, just moments ago, President Dean released his latest match invention at a Friday night press conference.

This concoction he likes to call 'The Cube' will not only host the OCW Title Match, but it will also encompass the ring for three additional matches as well. For all the details, let's cut to a few tidbits from Dean's press conference which took place minutes ago.

~We cut to the OCWHQ Press Room as Dean is wearing and old style looking suit and drinking a cup of coffee. He has just finished answering an inconsequential question when another, more pertinent question, is posed~

Question 1: What are the other matches that will be contested inside this 'Cube'?

President Dean: The other three matches taking place within The Cube will be Alice Knight versus Tatum Coe, The Lost Soul versus Ashe Dawson and Awe.Some versus ItsuPuma.

Question 2: How is the 'Climb the Rope' Match going to work within The Cube?

President Dean: Simple, there will be a 5'x5' removable square at the top. That square will be lifted several feet above The Cube with the title set atop it. A rope will be hanging from the removable square, hanging through the hole and dangling just above the ring.

Question 3: Interesting.

President Dean: Yes, it is.

Question 4: I'm assuming this square will be re-fastened for the other matches?

President Dean: Absolutely, the whole purpose of The Cube is to keep people in.

Question 5: But why just a cube instead of a cell or cage or something more, I don't know, menacing.

President Dean: That's because, for these four matches, the ring will be hanging over a cliff. A cliff that looks down over a beautiful, natural body of water. People dive off the cliff all the time, so a plummet isn't going to result in death or anything, but it would sort of put a cramp in the match. Therefore, The Cube is there to ensure the wrestlers remain in the ring because, as we all saw at Clash at the Coast, if given the opportunity, they will try to throw each other out of the ring and over the cliff.

Question 6: Isn't that a bit of an extravagant setting?

President Dean: It is definitely extravagant and a gamble, of sorts, but what would innovation be without a certain amount of risk? This setting will either pay off or it won't, plain and simple. But OCW was not built by acting frigid and frail.

Question 7: Where will the fans be seated?

President Dean: In stands looking towards the ring. Much like Clash at the Coast, they will all be on one side of the ring, the safe side. We had thought about extending bleachers out, over the cliff, but that could be quite costly.

~Dean pauses, before speaking again~

President Dean: But, you know what? We may be able to swing it. Don't set that in stone, just yet.

Question 8: My goodness, if a portion of the fans are situated, over the cliff, what will keep them from falling over?

President Dean: Tall, plexiglass at the edge of the seating section, tall enough to keep them from being able to climb over.

Question 9: How will the wrestlers and fans reach their suspended destinations?

President Dean: Sturdy, plexiglass lined walk ways.

Question 10: Have you decided to buy stock in plexiglass?

President Dean: You bet your ass.

Question 11: Where are the other matches going to be contested?

President Dean: Inside an amphitheater located a few miles away. We're going double locations for Revenge, much like we did at Black Out 2.

Question 12: Can we see a design for 'The Cube'?

~Dean nods and moves to turn on a teleprompter~

~The entire press room sits in stunned silence as a Will Ferrell impersonator stands up~

Will Ferrell Impersonator: My Goodness....it's...beautiful.

President Dean: Yes, yes it is. See ya later, suckas.

~Dean heads out as several cameras snap photos of 'The Cube'~