Post by Marcus Welsh on Jan 28, 2015 19:33:29 GMT -5
~Our cameras cut to the OCW Press Room where President Dean is standing behind his podium with an ice cold bottle of “Sucka! Mountain Fresh Water”. He takes a sip, followed by a satisfied grin~
President Dean: Alright, suckas, let’s get this Press Conference going. First of all, to address the earlier news story concerning Ian Bishop and his failed physical...it is true, Ian has, indeed, failed the concussion portion of his physical examination and, therefore, will be unable to compete at Revenge.
Question 1: Mr. Dean, does this mean Ian has signed with OCW?
President Dean: As of this time, Ian Bishop is not signed with Online Championship Wrestling. We don’t sign crippled people.
Question 2: Who is going to face Lurrr at Revenge?
President Dean: I’m glad you asked that, Dr. Shaidee got back with me this afternoon with tremendous news. It appears Big Bifford either hit Weight Watchers really hard or began purging something fierce, because he has his weight down to a sufficient limit and passed a second physical this afternoon. So, at Revenge it will be The Big Bifford challenging Lurrr for the Hall of Fame Championship.
~The press room is abuzz after this huge announcement~
Question 3: Mr. Dean, will there be any type of stipulation for this match?
President Dean: Excellent question and, yes, there will be. With every Hall of Fame Championship match, OCW brass will look to a gimmick match one of the two competitors famously endured at some point in their career. For this match, I decided to look back to No Limits from July of 2000. Lurrr defeated Shane Thunder in a Dumpster Match to become Intercontinental Champion. So, Lurrr will be taking on The Big Bifford in a Dumpster Match at Revenge.
Question 4: Don’t you think that puts Lurrr at a, no pun intended, sizable disadvantage?
President Dean: A true champion can rise above and beyond any and every obstacle.
Question 5: Sir, I’d like to touch on yesterday’s huge announcement. What do the signings of Ashe Dawson and The Lost Soul mean for OCW and how do you think they will perform in their Three Stages of Escalation match?
President Dean: Ashe Dawson was a huge pickup. He was on the verge of something special last year before OCW had to temporarily close its doors and wipe the slate clean. To have him back is a very big deal. The Lost Soul...people forget how good this guy really is. He’s a Hall of Famer in several other federations...an all time force in this industry. Sadly, he didn’t have the opportunity to display his immense talents last year in OCW...that’s a problem I believe he’ll be able to remedy this go around. As for the three stages of escalation, we believe that this is a match which will become a fixture in OCW from this point forward. I mean, what better way to prove you have defeated your opponent? You start off with a pinfall...okay, sure, anyone can win with a cheap roll up or small package. Then comes the submission, far harder. I doubt any of you have every competed inside a squared circle, but making an opponent submit is no easy task. Finally, if it comes to this, the third and final fall...a last man standing. This is the ultimate way to defeat your opponent. A great way to put a stamp on an impressive victory and announce your ascension amongst the OCW roster.
Question 6: El Presidente, any word on PerZag’s assault?
President Dean: We have a pretty good idea who perpetrated the act and it is currently being dealt with internally.
Question 7: What about his opponent for Revenge? Any idea on who that person may be?
President Dean: That will be announced on Friday. The ink is drying on the contract, everything is set...we just want to wait until Friday to let the world know who PerZag is facing and in what type of match.
Question 8: Does the name Claire Graves mean anything to you?
President Dean: Not a clue...next?
Question 9: Are there any current plans to add an additional competitor to the Oh Shit Contract match or is it going to remain a one on one contest between Ryan Smith and Captain Canada?
President Dean: We are looking at adding at least one more competitor, yes. Ryan Smith actually poked his head into the OCW offices yesterday, so that was nice to see. Captain Canada, who the hell knows where he’s at...
Question 10: So, you just book cards and matches without being assured guys will show up?
President Dean: Can someone see that douche bag out of the room, with excessive force?
~Some security drag Question 10 guy away, twisting his arms with a double, MEGA WICKED Indian Sunburn. He screams loudly~
President Dean: Next?
Question 11: Huge news last week with the signing of Alice Knight...I think everyone in this room can agree we are glad to have her back in OCW.
~The press room begins to cheer and clap. Dean yells~
President Dean: I WILL HAVE ORDER IN MY PRESS ROOM!!
~They all quiet down~
President Dean: Thank you...geez, how about a little professionalism? But, yes, that was a major signature, we are glad to have the peculiar Alice Knight back in OCW.
Question 12: Any idea who her opponent may be? I mean, it has almost been a week since she was placed in the Paradigm Title Match.
President Dean: That, along with the match stipulation, will be announced tomorrow.
Question 13: Is it going to be Tatum Coe? His absence is glaring...
President Dean: Mayyybe...or maybe it will be Jack ‘The Big Fat Taco Eater’ Jacobs.
Question 14: Is Mr. Jacobs an all-arounder or strictly a brawler?
President Dean: Excessively escort that sucka out!
~Again, the security team indian sunburn a guy out of the press room, this time Question 14 guy. He, too, screams loudly~
Question 15: Mr. Dean, the tag team match against ItsuPuma and Awe.Some...it’s going to be a Climb the Rope Match...who came up with that concept?
President Dean: I did, when I looked at the match up, I kept thinking ‘ladder match’...but, ya know, we’ve done so many ladder matches, I kept telling myself there was something different we could do which would have the same type of effect. I just had to come up with it and that’s when I remembered climbing the rope in my high school gym classes. To me, it’s the perfect concept. Climbing a rope is way harder than a ladder and, plus, you can do some interesting damage to your opponents with a rope. Toss in some extremely athletic competitors like Itsumade and the Valdez Brothers and, sucka, that match could steal the show.
Question 16: What about the issues with Tatum Coe and Awe.Some...or, most notably, Rachel Valdez?
President Dean: I am not a damn babysitter...I can’t help what goes on between my wrestlers when they are away from OCW Headquarters. Obviously, the Valdez siblings and Tatum don’t see eye to eye on, well, several things. It could, potentially, be an issue that leads to some kind of in ring altercation down the line.
Question 17: What about the rumors that Clubbin Man has been selling drugs to kids in Ethiopia?
President Dean: Get the fuck out of here.
~Question 17 guy skulks away~
Question 18: About Claire Graves, I hear she is a very powerful attorney from New York...ring a bell? She’s blonde.
President Dean: Oh, you mean she’s blonde??? Well, then that clears up everything, doesn’t it?
~Dean deadpans the Question 18 guy~
President Dean: Get him out of here.
~He, too, is Indian Sunburned away, screaming~
Question 19: For everyone in here who listened to Rippercast, Danny B made mention that he was curious to see who Mack O’Connor’s opponent would be. Is that something that’s going to be announced soon or is it the winner of Grenier/Vargas...I’m confused.
President Dean: Finally, a legitimate question. The winner of Bob Grenier and Chad Vargas will take on Mack O’Connor for the OCW Title in the Main Event of Revenge.
Question 20: Last week, we saw some Plexiglas structure being built in the OCW warehouse...care to give us any hints as to what that is?
President Dean: That will be announced soon...I can’t give you guys everything all at once, ya know? Having said that, the structure will be used at Revenge.
Question 21: What about Treat Cassidy and the rumors he’s bringing others into OCW?
President Dean: Treat is a highly accomplished manager with a ton of connections. Anybody he is looking to bring into OCW would have to be cleared through my office, first, before ever debuting. As long as we’re all on the same page, I don’t see why any of the names he’s mentioned couldn’t be a possibility.
Question 22: Nobody has heard from Mack O’Connor...is he doing okay?
President Dean: Mack is fine, just enjoying the life of a champion. He will be ready to defend his title, come Revenge...he is in great shape.
Question 23: What about Lurrr, is he dead?
President Dean: No, Lurrr is not dead.
~Dean hurls his water, nailing Question 23 guy in the head, knocking him out. He is dragged away by security~
President Dean: Lurrr is busy shooting a film right now. As soon a shooting wraps up, he will devote his entire focus onto OCW and his match with Bifford at Revenge.
Question 24: Are there any special guests or themes lined up for Revenge?
President Dean: We are in the final stages of securing a theme song for Revenge, if and when that gets done, we will unveil the details.
Question 25: So, no ‘Comin in Hot’ by Hollywood Undead?
President Dean: That is the theme for Massacre. If we ever produce an episode of Massacre, that theme will return.
Question 26: How are the announcers going to work at Revenge...are Smith and Hood calling all the matches?
President Dean: No, we will have two teams. One team will be Smith and Hood, they will be stationed at our primary site. Our second team will be comprised of Killface, Jones and Brother D...they will be situated at our secondary site.
Question 27: So, there will be two sites?
President Dean: Yes, the format we have designed for our main site won’t accommodate things like the Sub Zero Room or Bifford’s girth, so a second site was necessary. Go back and watch Black Out 2, we’ve done it before and it’s worked tremendously.
Question 28: Will both sites be in Brazil?
President Dean: The sites are literally five miles away from one another, so, yes.
Question 29: Dean, do you expect this lawsuit to break before or after Revenge?
President Dean: First off, it’s Mr. Dean to you and I’m not going to answer any questions about a fictitious lawsuit or some blonde bimbo named Claire Graves.
~Dean storms off, ending the PC. We fade out~
President Dean: Alright, suckas, let’s get this Press Conference going. First of all, to address the earlier news story concerning Ian Bishop and his failed physical...it is true, Ian has, indeed, failed the concussion portion of his physical examination and, therefore, will be unable to compete at Revenge.
Question 1: Mr. Dean, does this mean Ian has signed with OCW?
President Dean: As of this time, Ian Bishop is not signed with Online Championship Wrestling. We don’t sign crippled people.
Question 2: Who is going to face Lurrr at Revenge?
President Dean: I’m glad you asked that, Dr. Shaidee got back with me this afternoon with tremendous news. It appears Big Bifford either hit Weight Watchers really hard or began purging something fierce, because he has his weight down to a sufficient limit and passed a second physical this afternoon. So, at Revenge it will be The Big Bifford challenging Lurrr for the Hall of Fame Championship.
~The press room is abuzz after this huge announcement~
Question 3: Mr. Dean, will there be any type of stipulation for this match?
President Dean: Excellent question and, yes, there will be. With every Hall of Fame Championship match, OCW brass will look to a gimmick match one of the two competitors famously endured at some point in their career. For this match, I decided to look back to No Limits from July of 2000. Lurrr defeated Shane Thunder in a Dumpster Match to become Intercontinental Champion. So, Lurrr will be taking on The Big Bifford in a Dumpster Match at Revenge.
Question 4: Don’t you think that puts Lurrr at a, no pun intended, sizable disadvantage?
President Dean: A true champion can rise above and beyond any and every obstacle.
Question 5: Sir, I’d like to touch on yesterday’s huge announcement. What do the signings of Ashe Dawson and The Lost Soul mean for OCW and how do you think they will perform in their Three Stages of Escalation match?
President Dean: Ashe Dawson was a huge pickup. He was on the verge of something special last year before OCW had to temporarily close its doors and wipe the slate clean. To have him back is a very big deal. The Lost Soul...people forget how good this guy really is. He’s a Hall of Famer in several other federations...an all time force in this industry. Sadly, he didn’t have the opportunity to display his immense talents last year in OCW...that’s a problem I believe he’ll be able to remedy this go around. As for the three stages of escalation, we believe that this is a match which will become a fixture in OCW from this point forward. I mean, what better way to prove you have defeated your opponent? You start off with a pinfall...okay, sure, anyone can win with a cheap roll up or small package. Then comes the submission, far harder. I doubt any of you have every competed inside a squared circle, but making an opponent submit is no easy task. Finally, if it comes to this, the third and final fall...a last man standing. This is the ultimate way to defeat your opponent. A great way to put a stamp on an impressive victory and announce your ascension amongst the OCW roster.
Question 6: El Presidente, any word on PerZag’s assault?
President Dean: We have a pretty good idea who perpetrated the act and it is currently being dealt with internally.
Question 7: What about his opponent for Revenge? Any idea on who that person may be?
President Dean: That will be announced on Friday. The ink is drying on the contract, everything is set...we just want to wait until Friday to let the world know who PerZag is facing and in what type of match.
Question 8: Does the name Claire Graves mean anything to you?
President Dean: Not a clue...next?
Question 9: Are there any current plans to add an additional competitor to the Oh Shit Contract match or is it going to remain a one on one contest between Ryan Smith and Captain Canada?
President Dean: We are looking at adding at least one more competitor, yes. Ryan Smith actually poked his head into the OCW offices yesterday, so that was nice to see. Captain Canada, who the hell knows where he’s at...
Question 10: So, you just book cards and matches without being assured guys will show up?
President Dean: Can someone see that douche bag out of the room, with excessive force?
~Some security drag Question 10 guy away, twisting his arms with a double, MEGA WICKED Indian Sunburn. He screams loudly~
President Dean: Next?
Question 11: Huge news last week with the signing of Alice Knight...I think everyone in this room can agree we are glad to have her back in OCW.
~The press room begins to cheer and clap. Dean yells~
President Dean: I WILL HAVE ORDER IN MY PRESS ROOM!!
~They all quiet down~
President Dean: Thank you...geez, how about a little professionalism? But, yes, that was a major signature, we are glad to have the peculiar Alice Knight back in OCW.
Question 12: Any idea who her opponent may be? I mean, it has almost been a week since she was placed in the Paradigm Title Match.
President Dean: That, along with the match stipulation, will be announced tomorrow.
Question 13: Is it going to be Tatum Coe? His absence is glaring...
President Dean: Mayyybe...or maybe it will be Jack ‘The Big Fat Taco Eater’ Jacobs.
Question 14: Is Mr. Jacobs an all-arounder or strictly a brawler?
President Dean: Excessively escort that sucka out!
~Again, the security team indian sunburn a guy out of the press room, this time Question 14 guy. He, too, screams loudly~
Question 15: Mr. Dean, the tag team match against ItsuPuma and Awe.Some...it’s going to be a Climb the Rope Match...who came up with that concept?
President Dean: I did, when I looked at the match up, I kept thinking ‘ladder match’...but, ya know, we’ve done so many ladder matches, I kept telling myself there was something different we could do which would have the same type of effect. I just had to come up with it and that’s when I remembered climbing the rope in my high school gym classes. To me, it’s the perfect concept. Climbing a rope is way harder than a ladder and, plus, you can do some interesting damage to your opponents with a rope. Toss in some extremely athletic competitors like Itsumade and the Valdez Brothers and, sucka, that match could steal the show.
Question 16: What about the issues with Tatum Coe and Awe.Some...or, most notably, Rachel Valdez?
President Dean: I am not a damn babysitter...I can’t help what goes on between my wrestlers when they are away from OCW Headquarters. Obviously, the Valdez siblings and Tatum don’t see eye to eye on, well, several things. It could, potentially, be an issue that leads to some kind of in ring altercation down the line.
Question 17: What about the rumors that Clubbin Man has been selling drugs to kids in Ethiopia?
President Dean: Get the fuck out of here.
~Question 17 guy skulks away~
Question 18: About Claire Graves, I hear she is a very powerful attorney from New York...ring a bell? She’s blonde.
President Dean: Oh, you mean she’s blonde??? Well, then that clears up everything, doesn’t it?
~Dean deadpans the Question 18 guy~
President Dean: Get him out of here.
~He, too, is Indian Sunburned away, screaming~
Question 19: For everyone in here who listened to Rippercast, Danny B made mention that he was curious to see who Mack O’Connor’s opponent would be. Is that something that’s going to be announced soon or is it the winner of Grenier/Vargas...I’m confused.
President Dean: Finally, a legitimate question. The winner of Bob Grenier and Chad Vargas will take on Mack O’Connor for the OCW Title in the Main Event of Revenge.
Question 20: Last week, we saw some Plexiglas structure being built in the OCW warehouse...care to give us any hints as to what that is?
President Dean: That will be announced soon...I can’t give you guys everything all at once, ya know? Having said that, the structure will be used at Revenge.
Question 21: What about Treat Cassidy and the rumors he’s bringing others into OCW?
President Dean: Treat is a highly accomplished manager with a ton of connections. Anybody he is looking to bring into OCW would have to be cleared through my office, first, before ever debuting. As long as we’re all on the same page, I don’t see why any of the names he’s mentioned couldn’t be a possibility.
Question 22: Nobody has heard from Mack O’Connor...is he doing okay?
President Dean: Mack is fine, just enjoying the life of a champion. He will be ready to defend his title, come Revenge...he is in great shape.
Question 23: What about Lurrr, is he dead?
President Dean: No, Lurrr is not dead.
~Dean hurls his water, nailing Question 23 guy in the head, knocking him out. He is dragged away by security~
President Dean: Lurrr is busy shooting a film right now. As soon a shooting wraps up, he will devote his entire focus onto OCW and his match with Bifford at Revenge.
Question 24: Are there any special guests or themes lined up for Revenge?
President Dean: We are in the final stages of securing a theme song for Revenge, if and when that gets done, we will unveil the details.
Question 25: So, no ‘Comin in Hot’ by Hollywood Undead?
President Dean: That is the theme for Massacre. If we ever produce an episode of Massacre, that theme will return.
Question 26: How are the announcers going to work at Revenge...are Smith and Hood calling all the matches?
President Dean: No, we will have two teams. One team will be Smith and Hood, they will be stationed at our primary site. Our second team will be comprised of Killface, Jones and Brother D...they will be situated at our secondary site.
Question 27: So, there will be two sites?
President Dean: Yes, the format we have designed for our main site won’t accommodate things like the Sub Zero Room or Bifford’s girth, so a second site was necessary. Go back and watch Black Out 2, we’ve done it before and it’s worked tremendously.
Question 28: Will both sites be in Brazil?
President Dean: The sites are literally five miles away from one another, so, yes.
Question 29: Dean, do you expect this lawsuit to break before or after Revenge?
President Dean: First off, it’s Mr. Dean to you and I’m not going to answer any questions about a fictitious lawsuit or some blonde bimbo named Claire Graves.
~Dean storms off, ending the PC. We fade out~