Post by ocwnewsline on Jan 20, 2015 12:43:44 GMT -5
Breaking News: The scheduled Bob Grenier Press Conference has been delayed due to an unexpected interruption. Due to this unforeseen event, we bring you the results of Bifford's physical examination. As soon as we get footage and/or news of what happened at the Grenier Press Conference, we will bring it to you.
~We cut to the OCW headquarters where The Big Bifford and Smith are standing in a waiting area. Smith appears anxious while Bifford looks through a giant book of some kind~
Smith: Hello everyone, this is Smith live from the OCW Headquarters, bringing you an urgent news development concerning The Big Bifford and OCW Revenge. Bifford just took his physical examination and the results are due back any minute. Bifford, what are your thoughts?
~Bifford stops looking at the book~
The Big Bifford: Well, I’m thinking you and everyone else at home really need to invest twenty dollars into a brand new, hard cover copy of my book, “Biff’s Notes”.
Smith: Biff’s Notes?
The Big Bifford: Yes, Biff’s Notes
Smith: Is it a memoir of sorts, chronicling your illustrious career?
The Big Bifford: No, it’s my version of Cliff’s Notes, only instead of summarizing novels, I’m summarizing cook books.
Smith: Umm, how does that work, exactly?
The Big Bifford: Here, take a look
~Bifford shows the contents of his book to Smith and the camera. It’s basically a bunch of poorly photographed food~
Smith: Bifford, this book is a terrible idea. Cook books are only popular because of the ingrediants and directions contained within, instructing people on how to make neat meals. This completely defeats the purpose, nobody is going to buy this.
The Big Bifford: I beg to differ
~Bifford nods towards a corner where Scruff is eating some of the pages~
Smith: Okay, so the demographic is homeless starving people.
The Big Bifford: You’ve got to start somewhere, Rome was not built in a week.
Smith: The phrase is day, but we’ll let that slide because...the doctor is out here with President Dean!
~The doctor steps forward as Dean’s expression tells us everything we need to know. His head is lowered, shaking back and forth~
Doctor: Mr. Bifford, I’m afraid you failed your physical. You will be unable to compete in the #1 Contenders match at Revenge.
The Big Bifford: What is this physical you speak of?
Doctor: A test, ensuring us all that you won’t die in the middle of the match.
The Big Bifford: I object! I’ve never had to take one of these before!
President Dean: Biff, it’s a new company policy
The Big Bifford: Doesn’t the President have to approve all new policies?
President Dean: Yes
The Big Bifford: Well I certainly didn’t approve of this, so get this filthy excuse for a doctor out of my face, buy a copy of my book and let me win the OCW Title at Revenge!
President Dean: For the last time, you’re not the president, Bifford.
The Big Bifford: Okay, then, I’d like to speak with President Lurrr.
President Dean: Geezus! Doc, thanks for your help
~Bifford stands around, clueless, as the doctor heads off. Dean looks at Biff, Biff looks at Dean. Neither man really knows what to say~
President Dean & Bifford: Dean/Biff
~They pause~
President Dean: Sucka! Just let me talk, okay? You’re out of the match, I’ve already unbooked it...but you can still show up and, I don’t know, try and sell that book of yours.
The Big Bifford: Well, I just rebooked it and I will see you at Revenge.
~Bifford turns away and exits~
Smith: Sooo...is he in the match or not?
President Dean: Seriously? I’m the fucking president around here...he’s out of the match, I don’t care what he says.
Smith: Should make for an interesting development. Well, folks, there you have it...Bifford is out...who is in? Stay tuned.
~We fade to black~
~We cut to the OCW headquarters where The Big Bifford and Smith are standing in a waiting area. Smith appears anxious while Bifford looks through a giant book of some kind~
Smith: Hello everyone, this is Smith live from the OCW Headquarters, bringing you an urgent news development concerning The Big Bifford and OCW Revenge. Bifford just took his physical examination and the results are due back any minute. Bifford, what are your thoughts?
~Bifford stops looking at the book~
The Big Bifford: Well, I’m thinking you and everyone else at home really need to invest twenty dollars into a brand new, hard cover copy of my book, “Biff’s Notes”.
Smith: Biff’s Notes?
The Big Bifford: Yes, Biff’s Notes
Smith: Is it a memoir of sorts, chronicling your illustrious career?
The Big Bifford: No, it’s my version of Cliff’s Notes, only instead of summarizing novels, I’m summarizing cook books.
Smith: Umm, how does that work, exactly?
The Big Bifford: Here, take a look
~Bifford shows the contents of his book to Smith and the camera. It’s basically a bunch of poorly photographed food~
Smith: Bifford, this book is a terrible idea. Cook books are only popular because of the ingrediants and directions contained within, instructing people on how to make neat meals. This completely defeats the purpose, nobody is going to buy this.
The Big Bifford: I beg to differ
~Bifford nods towards a corner where Scruff is eating some of the pages~
Smith: Okay, so the demographic is homeless starving people.
The Big Bifford: You’ve got to start somewhere, Rome was not built in a week.
Smith: The phrase is day, but we’ll let that slide because...the doctor is out here with President Dean!
~The doctor steps forward as Dean’s expression tells us everything we need to know. His head is lowered, shaking back and forth~
Doctor: Mr. Bifford, I’m afraid you failed your physical. You will be unable to compete in the #1 Contenders match at Revenge.
The Big Bifford: What is this physical you speak of?
Doctor: A test, ensuring us all that you won’t die in the middle of the match.
The Big Bifford: I object! I’ve never had to take one of these before!
President Dean: Biff, it’s a new company policy
The Big Bifford: Doesn’t the President have to approve all new policies?
President Dean: Yes
The Big Bifford: Well I certainly didn’t approve of this, so get this filthy excuse for a doctor out of my face, buy a copy of my book and let me win the OCW Title at Revenge!
President Dean: For the last time, you’re not the president, Bifford.
The Big Bifford: Okay, then, I’d like to speak with President Lurrr.
President Dean: Geezus! Doc, thanks for your help
~Bifford stands around, clueless, as the doctor heads off. Dean looks at Biff, Biff looks at Dean. Neither man really knows what to say~
President Dean & Bifford: Dean/Biff
~They pause~
President Dean: Sucka! Just let me talk, okay? You’re out of the match, I’ve already unbooked it...but you can still show up and, I don’t know, try and sell that book of yours.
The Big Bifford: Well, I just rebooked it and I will see you at Revenge.
~Bifford turns away and exits~
Smith: Sooo...is he in the match or not?
President Dean: Seriously? I’m the fucking president around here...he’s out of the match, I don’t care what he says.
Smith: Should make for an interesting development. Well, folks, there you have it...Bifford is out...who is in? Stay tuned.
~We fade to black~