Post by "The Headliner" Harold Jones on Jan 23, 2014 14:16:20 GMT -5
*** A crowd of people are gathered around Mae Young’s grave site at Greenlawn Memorial Park in Columbia South Carolina. The Pall-Bearers slowly carry Mae Young’s casket to it’s final resting place as the pastor speaks. ***
“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.”
*** Harold, wearing the same or similar powder blue suit, rushes towards the casket. The Pall-Bearers place the casket on the lowering device (yes that is what they’re called believe it or not), and they step away. Harold then pushes his way to the front of the crowd and stands in front of the casket. He stops and bends over trying to catch his breath. After a few seconds he stands up straight and is ready to address the crowd. ***
“I see a lot of familiar faces here today. I’m glad you could all make it out for Mae Young. I came here today because I owe everyone an apology. I’m sorry that you guys just didn’t find my jokes all that funny. Perhaps it was the timing, I don’t know.”
“But I would be remiss if I didn’t again take this opportunity to mention that I’ll be in Brunswick Ohio on Monday. Yes, I know it’s cold and snowy and not a lot of fun in Ohio right now but those are the breaks. Speaking of breaks I’ll have my big break there in Brunswick when I take on Amber “Glutes” Ryan. Now get this, my agent contacted me earlier today and informed me that Amber is “beating up” fat drunk people in Ohio. I was also informed that what people didn’t get to see is that Amber paid them off before hand to make herself look good. It was really sad.”
*** A few shouts start coming from the crowd gathered. ***
“Can we get on with it?” yells a man from the crowd.
*** Harold smiles and shrugs his shoulders. ***
“Sure, I guess. Does anybody here know why Amber Ryan doesn’t know how to ski? Because it doesn’t snow between the kitchen and the bedroom!”
*** Rim Shot from Harold’s Rim Shot app on his cell phone. ***
“What does Amber Ryan have in common with a bowling ball? No matter how many times you stick your fingers in them and throw them in the gutter they always come back for more.”
*** Harold hit’s the rim shot button again. ***
“What’s the difference between Amber Ryan and a pay phone? You have to pay a quarter to use the pay phone!”
*** Harold starts laughing so hard that he forgets to hit the rim shot button. He takes a moment to regain his composure and then continues. ***
“Why can’t Amber Ryan drive? Because she’s a woman!”
*** The crowd grows restless again and more shouts come from the crowd. ***
“That’s not what we meant!” screams the voice from the crowd. “We want to get on with the internment!”
*** Harold stares blankly into the crowd, now realizing they weren’t looking for more of his jokes. He then nods his head in agreement with the crowd. ***
“Okay, I’ll get going. But I do have just one more thing I’ve got to get off my chest first, and I would like for Amber Ryan to pay close attention. Amber, you can doubt my wrestling ability all you want, you can crack on my jokes, but there is one thing that you’ll never be able to ‘rag’ on me about; and that is that I’ve NEVER lost to a girl.”
*** Harold throws himself onto Mae Young’s casket and quickly counts to three by slamming his hand on the casket three times. Harold then takes off running as the crowd started to give chase. The crowd quickly stops though, as they just wanted to get Harold away from the area. Harold keeps on running and he finally looks back and sees that nobody is chasing him. He takes a seat at a fairly big monument… for a grave marker and all.***
“Whew, undefeated against women. I kind of feel bad for Mae though… I didn’t mean to ‘bury’ her in her last match.”
*** Harold, having caught his breath begins to look at his surroundings and that’s when he realizes he is sitting on the resting place of Lillian Ellison aka Fabulous Moolah. Harold quickly slams his hand on the concrete tomb three times and then leaps up into the air. ***
“TWO AND OH! HAROLD WINS HAROLD WINS!!! Stick that in your pipe and smoke it Amber! I didn’t have to pay anyone off to get my wins.”
*** Harold smiles with extreme excitement, but that quickly fades away when he hears a familiar voice. ***
“Hey you! Get out of here!”
*** Harold turns and notices the big bulky bouncer looking man from the funeral home. Without wasting another moment Harold darts away from the grave site of Moolah and heads towards the exit of the cemetery. ***
“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.”
*** Harold, wearing the same or similar powder blue suit, rushes towards the casket. The Pall-Bearers place the casket on the lowering device (yes that is what they’re called believe it or not), and they step away. Harold then pushes his way to the front of the crowd and stands in front of the casket. He stops and bends over trying to catch his breath. After a few seconds he stands up straight and is ready to address the crowd. ***
“I see a lot of familiar faces here today. I’m glad you could all make it out for Mae Young. I came here today because I owe everyone an apology. I’m sorry that you guys just didn’t find my jokes all that funny. Perhaps it was the timing, I don’t know.”
“But I would be remiss if I didn’t again take this opportunity to mention that I’ll be in Brunswick Ohio on Monday. Yes, I know it’s cold and snowy and not a lot of fun in Ohio right now but those are the breaks. Speaking of breaks I’ll have my big break there in Brunswick when I take on Amber “Glutes” Ryan. Now get this, my agent contacted me earlier today and informed me that Amber is “beating up” fat drunk people in Ohio. I was also informed that what people didn’t get to see is that Amber paid them off before hand to make herself look good. It was really sad.”
*** A few shouts start coming from the crowd gathered. ***
“Can we get on with it?” yells a man from the crowd.
*** Harold smiles and shrugs his shoulders. ***
“Sure, I guess. Does anybody here know why Amber Ryan doesn’t know how to ski? Because it doesn’t snow between the kitchen and the bedroom!”
*** Rim Shot from Harold’s Rim Shot app on his cell phone. ***
“What does Amber Ryan have in common with a bowling ball? No matter how many times you stick your fingers in them and throw them in the gutter they always come back for more.”
*** Harold hit’s the rim shot button again. ***
“What’s the difference between Amber Ryan and a pay phone? You have to pay a quarter to use the pay phone!”
*** Harold starts laughing so hard that he forgets to hit the rim shot button. He takes a moment to regain his composure and then continues. ***
“Why can’t Amber Ryan drive? Because she’s a woman!”
*** The crowd grows restless again and more shouts come from the crowd. ***
“That’s not what we meant!” screams the voice from the crowd. “We want to get on with the internment!”
*** Harold stares blankly into the crowd, now realizing they weren’t looking for more of his jokes. He then nods his head in agreement with the crowd. ***
“Okay, I’ll get going. But I do have just one more thing I’ve got to get off my chest first, and I would like for Amber Ryan to pay close attention. Amber, you can doubt my wrestling ability all you want, you can crack on my jokes, but there is one thing that you’ll never be able to ‘rag’ on me about; and that is that I’ve NEVER lost to a girl.”
*** Harold throws himself onto Mae Young’s casket and quickly counts to three by slamming his hand on the casket three times. Harold then takes off running as the crowd started to give chase. The crowd quickly stops though, as they just wanted to get Harold away from the area. Harold keeps on running and he finally looks back and sees that nobody is chasing him. He takes a seat at a fairly big monument… for a grave marker and all.***
“Whew, undefeated against women. I kind of feel bad for Mae though… I didn’t mean to ‘bury’ her in her last match.”
*** Harold, having caught his breath begins to look at his surroundings and that’s when he realizes he is sitting on the resting place of Lillian Ellison aka Fabulous Moolah. Harold quickly slams his hand on the concrete tomb three times and then leaps up into the air. ***
“TWO AND OH! HAROLD WINS HAROLD WINS!!! Stick that in your pipe and smoke it Amber! I didn’t have to pay anyone off to get my wins.”
*** Harold smiles with extreme excitement, but that quickly fades away when he hears a familiar voice. ***
“Hey you! Get out of here!”
*** Harold turns and notices the big bulky bouncer looking man from the funeral home. Without wasting another moment Harold darts away from the grave site of Moolah and heads towards the exit of the cemetery. ***
