Post by Bob Grenier on Nov 26, 2024 11:51:09 GMT -5
OOC: I was bored.. So I wrote this LOL
In the year 2027 the conflict between Russia and Ukraine reached it's breaking point. When the bombs fell Bob Grenier retreated to New Zealand where he lived in the mountains, Unphased by the chaos. He found community there with the others who were smart enough to retreat. One billion people were obliterated and the rest of civilization lived in disarray as nuclear winter took hold. This lasted 40 years.
By 2067 the world had begun to repair itself. Bob himself impregnated 14 women in the Andes. He had seven sons and seven daughters.
1. Rocky
2. Sally
3. Duke
4. Lester
5. Mary
6. Davis
7. Chad
8. Stryker
9. Dolly
10. Alanis
11. Jimbo
12. Shaniqua
13. Josie
14. Melinda
Bob's children grew up in the mountains. They are unaffected by nuclear fallout. However, Due to lack of any formal education, They are all dumb.
It's now the year 2084 and Bob Grenier is 103 years old! He resides at The Shady Acres Retirement Villa in his hometown of Iroquois Falls, Ontario. At the ripe old age of 103 he is still pretty spry. He spends most of his days ogling the nurses. In an attempt to gain attention, He has purposely shit his pants.
A pretty young nurse with two heads approaches him. Her gills emit pharamones that drive men wild with lust. She too, Is a child of the apocalypse.
Nurse: Oh Mr. Grenier, Have you soiled yourself again? Let's get you cleaned up.
She begins to escort him back to his room, He smiles. His penis is erect. Real sturdy.
Bob: Girl, Did you know I used to be a professional wrestler? In Hawaii they called me Lopaka.
Nurse: OK Bob, Let's get you cleaned up ok.
He pinches her butt and smiles.
Bob: Damn involuntary reflexes again. Sure does suck getting old.
The nurse gives him a sponge bath, Thus cleaning the caked on shit in his ass crack.
Bob: Where's my weed?
Nurse: Mr. Grenier, You know the world's marijuana crops are highly toxic. We've been over this. Marijuana is deadly and highly illegal.
Bob: That's fucking bullshit! I used to smoke a goddamn pound a day in my youth! Goddamm Russia ruined everything.
The nurse finishes sponging Bob's shitty ass. She turns her back to wring out the sponge and Bob smiles again.
Bob: Damn girl! The tits on your back are even bigger than the front ones!
Nurse: мужчины боятся меня трахать, потому что у моей вагины есть зубы.
She continues to clean up. Once everything is up to sanitation protocols she breaths a sigh of relief. If sanitation protocols are not met, She will be whisked away and beheaded by the Clean Police. After Covid in 2020 and the nuclear winter that followed World War Three, Anyone who shows signs of sickness are also eliminated immediately. There is no room for error in the new world.
Nurse Betty: Would you like your cockroach soup now?
She tries handing him a disgusting looking bowl of slop. He smacks it out of her hand. The nurse becomes frantic as the sanitation alarm begins to sound. She has 1 minute to clean the spill. She does so in about 30 seconds and again breathes a sign of relief. She will not be killed. It's a tough job but she does it well.
Nurse: Mr. Grenier, You know that cockroaches and raw goat milk are the world's only source of sustenance. You need to eat.
Bob: I just want a fucking cheeseburger.
Nurse: We've been over this a thousand times. The Cows went feral in 2029 and became extinct in 2034. Beef hasn't existed in 50 years. I've never even seen a cow myself.
She pauses briefly.
Nurse Betty: Mr. Grenier, I have to say, you're one of the lucky ones. You got to live before...all this.
Bob: All what?
Nurse Betty: Life under Putin's regime. His cyborg army patrols the streets, crushing any and all dissent. People living in fear of being "eliminated" if they don't conform. We live in fear of being eliminated at the first signs of sickness.
Bob: I remember when Putin was just a pesky little dictator. Who would've thought he'd become the ruler of the world...or what's left of it?
Nurse Betty: It's hard to believe it's come to this. The world's a dark place now, Mr. Grenier. But at least we have our sanitation protocols to keep us safe...
She trails off at the end of her sentence.
Bob: Yeah, The "sanitation protocols" Because nothing says "safety" like the threat of a beheading.
They both chuckle at this.
Nurse Betty: Mr. Grenier, I have to ask, what was life like in 2024?
Bob: 2024 was a different time, kid. People were still worried about their social media presence and who was dating who. We had no idea what was coming.
Nurse Betty: That actually sounds nice.
Bob: We didn't have to worry about being beheaded for not cleaning up our messes or coming down with the flu.
He laughs. He then coughs immediately afterwards. He attempts to hold it in. Bob and Nurse Betty stare at each other. The slightest cough could trigger The Clean Police. Everyone is wired and monitored in the new world. Bob is safe, For now.
Bob: We had our own problems, but at least our leaders weren't trying to turn us all into machines.
Nurse Betty: I can only imagine. What about food? I've heard stories about people eating actual meat and produce.
Bob: You have no idea. We had restaurants, grocery stores...you could walk into a supermarket and buy a steak, a pound of bacon, or a basket of fresh fruit. And don't even get me started on the pizza.
Nurse Betty: I think I'd like to hear more about this "pizza".
Bob: Pizza was a revelation. A delicious, cheesy, saucy revelation delivered right to your door.
Nurse Betty: I'm really starting to understand and appreciate the old world, Mr. Grenier. Thank you so much.
Bob: Those memories, Sometimes I think that's all that keeps me going.
Just as Bob was about to launch into another story about the old world, a commotion breaks out in the hallway. A group of officials in hazmat suits rush into the room, surrounding Bob and Nurse Betty.
Official: Mr. Grenier, we have some news. The second to last being from the "Old World" has passed away.
Bob's eyes widen. He looks shocked.
Official: It was a woman named Margaret. She was 112 years old and had been living in a secure facility in Geneva.
Bob slumps back in his chair, stunned.
Bob: I'm the last one, Aren't I?
Nurse Betty put a hand on his shoulder.
Official: Yes, Mr. Grenier. You're the last person on earth to have lived in the old world.
Bob shakes his head, trying to process the news. He thinks back to all the people he had known and loved, all the experiences he had had. He was the last link to a world that was gone forever.
The officials began to murmur among themselves, discussing the implications of Bob's new status. Nurse Betty leans in close.
Nurse Betty: Mr. Grenier, I have to ask...how does it feel to be the last one?
Bob looks up at her. His eyes a mixture of shock and sadness.
Bob: It feels...lonely. Like I'm the last piece of a puzzle that's been lost forever.
Nurse Betty nodded sympathetically.
Official: Nurse Betty is it?
She nods.
Official: You take care of this man.
Bob smiled weakly, grateful for her kindness. But deep down, he knew that he would never be able to shake off the feeling of being the last one.
As soon as the officials finished their announcement, a group of men in suits appeared out of nowhere, surrounding Bob.
Official: Mr. Grenier, you're coming with us.
Bob: What? Where are we going?
Official: You're going to a secure facility. You're the last link we have to the old world, and we need your help.
Bob: My help? What do you mean?
Official: You're going to help us write textbooks about the history of the old world. You're the only one left who can provide firsthand accounts.
Bob: Textbooks? You want me to write textbooks?
Official: Not exactly, Mr. Grenier. You'll be providing the information, and our team will write the textbooks.
Bob: And what's in it for me?
Official: You'll be taken care of, Mr. Grenier, You'll have all the cockroach soup and raw goat milk you can eat.
Bob: That's not exactly what I had in mind. Can I please have some marijuana?
They men in suits look at each other and nod in approval.
They promptly whisk Bob away, leaving Nurse Betty and the other officials behind.
As they led Bob to a secure facility, he couldn't help but wonder what lay ahead. Would he be able to provide the information they needed? And what would happen to him once he was no longer useful?
The men in suits remained tight-lipped, their faces expressionless. Bob was left to his thoughts, wondering what the future held for him.
When they arrived at the facility, Bob was greeted by a team of historians and writers, all eager to hear his stories about the old world.
Bob took a deep breath, preparing himself for the task ahead. He was the last link to a lost world, and he was determined to make sure that world was not forgotten. They throw a bag of marijuana in front him.
Suit: Bob, As per your request. That happens to be the last ounce of smokeable marijuana on the planet.
Bob's eyes widened as he stared at the bag of marijuana in front of him. He couldn't believe his luck.
Bob: Holy shit, is this really the last ounce of smokeable marijuana on the planet?
Suit: Yes, Mr. Grenier. It's a rare commodity these days. But we're willing to provide it to you in exchange for your cooperation.
Bob: Cooperation? You want me to tell you about the old world?
Suit: Yes, Mr. Grenier. We want to know everything. What was life like before the war? What was marijuana like back then?
Bob: (laughs) Oh man, where do I even start?
He takes a deep hit of the marijuana, feeling the familiar sensation of relaxation wash over him.
Bob: (exhales) Okay, let me tell you about marijuana in the old world....
The men in suits lean in, eager to hear Bob's stories about the past. They ask him questions about the different types of marijuana, how it was cultivated and consumed, and what it was like to smoke it recreationally.
Bob: (laughs) Man, we used to have these huge festivals called "music festivals" where people would gather to listen to music and smoke weed. It was like a big party.
Suit: That sounds...interesting. Can you tell us more about these "music festivals"?
Bob: Oh man, those were the days. We'd have these huge gatherings with thousands of people, all dancing and singing along to music. And of course, there was always plenty of weed to go around.
The men in suits nod, taking notes as Bob continues to tell his stories about the old world.
As the hours pass, Bob finds himself feeling more and more nostalgic for the past. He misses the simplicity of life before the war, the freedom to do as he pleased without fear of reprisal.
But as he looks around at the men in suits, he knows that he's stuck in this new world, forced to adapt to its harsh realities.
Suit: Bob, Can you tell us who this woman is?
The man in the suit holds takes out a picture of Alice Knight and slides it across the table.
Bob: That's Alice Knight! She was the last Prime Minister of Canada, Before the bombs dropped.
Bob: I'm tired. Can we continue this another time?
Suit: Of course, Mr. Grenier. We'll let you get some rest.
As the men in suits leave, Bob is left alone with his thoughts, the last ounce of marijuana on the planet still clutched in his hand.
To Be Continued.. At some point when I'm bored again...
In the year 2027 the conflict between Russia and Ukraine reached it's breaking point. When the bombs fell Bob Grenier retreated to New Zealand where he lived in the mountains, Unphased by the chaos. He found community there with the others who were smart enough to retreat. One billion people were obliterated and the rest of civilization lived in disarray as nuclear winter took hold. This lasted 40 years.
By 2067 the world had begun to repair itself. Bob himself impregnated 14 women in the Andes. He had seven sons and seven daughters.
1. Rocky
2. Sally
3. Duke
4. Lester
5. Mary
6. Davis
7. Chad
8. Stryker
9. Dolly
10. Alanis
11. Jimbo
12. Shaniqua
13. Josie
14. Melinda
Bob's children grew up in the mountains. They are unaffected by nuclear fallout. However, Due to lack of any formal education, They are all dumb.
It's now the year 2084 and Bob Grenier is 103 years old! He resides at The Shady Acres Retirement Villa in his hometown of Iroquois Falls, Ontario. At the ripe old age of 103 he is still pretty spry. He spends most of his days ogling the nurses. In an attempt to gain attention, He has purposely shit his pants.
A pretty young nurse with two heads approaches him. Her gills emit pharamones that drive men wild with lust. She too, Is a child of the apocalypse.
Nurse: Oh Mr. Grenier, Have you soiled yourself again? Let's get you cleaned up.
She begins to escort him back to his room, He smiles. His penis is erect. Real sturdy.
Bob: Girl, Did you know I used to be a professional wrestler? In Hawaii they called me Lopaka.
Nurse: OK Bob, Let's get you cleaned up ok.
He pinches her butt and smiles.
Bob: Damn involuntary reflexes again. Sure does suck getting old.
The nurse gives him a sponge bath, Thus cleaning the caked on shit in his ass crack.
Bob: Where's my weed?
Nurse: Mr. Grenier, You know the world's marijuana crops are highly toxic. We've been over this. Marijuana is deadly and highly illegal.
Bob: That's fucking bullshit! I used to smoke a goddamn pound a day in my youth! Goddamm Russia ruined everything.
The nurse finishes sponging Bob's shitty ass. She turns her back to wring out the sponge and Bob smiles again.
Bob: Damn girl! The tits on your back are even bigger than the front ones!
Nurse: мужчины боятся меня трахать, потому что у моей вагины есть зубы.
She continues to clean up. Once everything is up to sanitation protocols she breaths a sigh of relief. If sanitation protocols are not met, She will be whisked away and beheaded by the Clean Police. After Covid in 2020 and the nuclear winter that followed World War Three, Anyone who shows signs of sickness are also eliminated immediately. There is no room for error in the new world.
Nurse Betty: Would you like your cockroach soup now?
She tries handing him a disgusting looking bowl of slop. He smacks it out of her hand. The nurse becomes frantic as the sanitation alarm begins to sound. She has 1 minute to clean the spill. She does so in about 30 seconds and again breathes a sign of relief. She will not be killed. It's a tough job but she does it well.
Nurse: Mr. Grenier, You know that cockroaches and raw goat milk are the world's only source of sustenance. You need to eat.
Bob: I just want a fucking cheeseburger.
Nurse: We've been over this a thousand times. The Cows went feral in 2029 and became extinct in 2034. Beef hasn't existed in 50 years. I've never even seen a cow myself.
She pauses briefly.
Nurse Betty: Mr. Grenier, I have to say, you're one of the lucky ones. You got to live before...all this.
Bob: All what?
Nurse Betty: Life under Putin's regime. His cyborg army patrols the streets, crushing any and all dissent. People living in fear of being "eliminated" if they don't conform. We live in fear of being eliminated at the first signs of sickness.
Bob: I remember when Putin was just a pesky little dictator. Who would've thought he'd become the ruler of the world...or what's left of it?
Nurse Betty: It's hard to believe it's come to this. The world's a dark place now, Mr. Grenier. But at least we have our sanitation protocols to keep us safe...
She trails off at the end of her sentence.
Bob: Yeah, The "sanitation protocols" Because nothing says "safety" like the threat of a beheading.
They both chuckle at this.
Nurse Betty: Mr. Grenier, I have to ask, what was life like in 2024?
Bob: 2024 was a different time, kid. People were still worried about their social media presence and who was dating who. We had no idea what was coming.
Nurse Betty: That actually sounds nice.
Bob: We didn't have to worry about being beheaded for not cleaning up our messes or coming down with the flu.
He laughs. He then coughs immediately afterwards. He attempts to hold it in. Bob and Nurse Betty stare at each other. The slightest cough could trigger The Clean Police. Everyone is wired and monitored in the new world. Bob is safe, For now.
Bob: We had our own problems, but at least our leaders weren't trying to turn us all into machines.
Nurse Betty: I can only imagine. What about food? I've heard stories about people eating actual meat and produce.
Bob: You have no idea. We had restaurants, grocery stores...you could walk into a supermarket and buy a steak, a pound of bacon, or a basket of fresh fruit. And don't even get me started on the pizza.
Nurse Betty: I think I'd like to hear more about this "pizza".
Bob: Pizza was a revelation. A delicious, cheesy, saucy revelation delivered right to your door.
Nurse Betty: I'm really starting to understand and appreciate the old world, Mr. Grenier. Thank you so much.
Bob: Those memories, Sometimes I think that's all that keeps me going.
Just as Bob was about to launch into another story about the old world, a commotion breaks out in the hallway. A group of officials in hazmat suits rush into the room, surrounding Bob and Nurse Betty.
Official: Mr. Grenier, we have some news. The second to last being from the "Old World" has passed away.
Bob's eyes widen. He looks shocked.
Official: It was a woman named Margaret. She was 112 years old and had been living in a secure facility in Geneva.
Bob slumps back in his chair, stunned.
Bob: I'm the last one, Aren't I?
Nurse Betty put a hand on his shoulder.
Official: Yes, Mr. Grenier. You're the last person on earth to have lived in the old world.
Bob shakes his head, trying to process the news. He thinks back to all the people he had known and loved, all the experiences he had had. He was the last link to a world that was gone forever.
The officials began to murmur among themselves, discussing the implications of Bob's new status. Nurse Betty leans in close.
Nurse Betty: Mr. Grenier, I have to ask...how does it feel to be the last one?
Bob looks up at her. His eyes a mixture of shock and sadness.
Bob: It feels...lonely. Like I'm the last piece of a puzzle that's been lost forever.
Nurse Betty nodded sympathetically.
Official: Nurse Betty is it?
She nods.
Official: You take care of this man.
Bob smiled weakly, grateful for her kindness. But deep down, he knew that he would never be able to shake off the feeling of being the last one.
As soon as the officials finished their announcement, a group of men in suits appeared out of nowhere, surrounding Bob.
Official: Mr. Grenier, you're coming with us.
Bob: What? Where are we going?
Official: You're going to a secure facility. You're the last link we have to the old world, and we need your help.
Bob: My help? What do you mean?
Official: You're going to help us write textbooks about the history of the old world. You're the only one left who can provide firsthand accounts.
Bob: Textbooks? You want me to write textbooks?
Official: Not exactly, Mr. Grenier. You'll be providing the information, and our team will write the textbooks.
Bob: And what's in it for me?
Official: You'll be taken care of, Mr. Grenier, You'll have all the cockroach soup and raw goat milk you can eat.
Bob: That's not exactly what I had in mind. Can I please have some marijuana?
They men in suits look at each other and nod in approval.
They promptly whisk Bob away, leaving Nurse Betty and the other officials behind.
As they led Bob to a secure facility, he couldn't help but wonder what lay ahead. Would he be able to provide the information they needed? And what would happen to him once he was no longer useful?
The men in suits remained tight-lipped, their faces expressionless. Bob was left to his thoughts, wondering what the future held for him.
When they arrived at the facility, Bob was greeted by a team of historians and writers, all eager to hear his stories about the old world.
Bob took a deep breath, preparing himself for the task ahead. He was the last link to a lost world, and he was determined to make sure that world was not forgotten. They throw a bag of marijuana in front him.
Suit: Bob, As per your request. That happens to be the last ounce of smokeable marijuana on the planet.
Bob's eyes widened as he stared at the bag of marijuana in front of him. He couldn't believe his luck.
Bob: Holy shit, is this really the last ounce of smokeable marijuana on the planet?
Suit: Yes, Mr. Grenier. It's a rare commodity these days. But we're willing to provide it to you in exchange for your cooperation.
Bob: Cooperation? You want me to tell you about the old world?
Suit: Yes, Mr. Grenier. We want to know everything. What was life like before the war? What was marijuana like back then?
Bob: (laughs) Oh man, where do I even start?
He takes a deep hit of the marijuana, feeling the familiar sensation of relaxation wash over him.
Bob: (exhales) Okay, let me tell you about marijuana in the old world....
The men in suits lean in, eager to hear Bob's stories about the past. They ask him questions about the different types of marijuana, how it was cultivated and consumed, and what it was like to smoke it recreationally.
Bob: (laughs) Man, we used to have these huge festivals called "music festivals" where people would gather to listen to music and smoke weed. It was like a big party.
Suit: That sounds...interesting. Can you tell us more about these "music festivals"?
Bob: Oh man, those were the days. We'd have these huge gatherings with thousands of people, all dancing and singing along to music. And of course, there was always plenty of weed to go around.
The men in suits nod, taking notes as Bob continues to tell his stories about the old world.
As the hours pass, Bob finds himself feeling more and more nostalgic for the past. He misses the simplicity of life before the war, the freedom to do as he pleased without fear of reprisal.
But as he looks around at the men in suits, he knows that he's stuck in this new world, forced to adapt to its harsh realities.
Suit: Bob, Can you tell us who this woman is?
The man in the suit holds takes out a picture of Alice Knight and slides it across the table.
Bob: That's Alice Knight! She was the last Prime Minister of Canada, Before the bombs dropped.
Bob: I'm tired. Can we continue this another time?
Suit: Of course, Mr. Grenier. We'll let you get some rest.
As the men in suits leave, Bob is left alone with his thoughts, the last ounce of marijuana on the planet still clutched in his hand.
To Be Continued.. At some point when I'm bored again...
