Post by Zombie Marcus on Sept 17, 2024 9:21:55 GMT -5
No it's not, who do I look like? Your favorite janitor? Maybe next week...
|+|Richmond, VA|A mouth full of rotting teeth is the first thing you see as the scene opens, chewing on bloody, raw meat. As it swallows, the raw meat is brought up to the dark-lipped mouth and a bite is taken, teeth gnashing as they pull away hard on the muscle and tendons of the meat which appears not to be very fresh as it has a darker red color. As the camera pans back slowly, we see the jawline, where adamantium wiring can be seen, intertwined with the discolored flesh, which helps to hold the jaw in place. As the camera pans out a bit more, the dark grayish, but mostly greenish face of Zombie Marcus is revealed. As much as his skin is decaying, and his eyes are mostly white as the once dark brown color has faded, his black beard and long black hair remains immaculate. As the camera zooms out some more, he holds up a shampoo bottle, Garnier Fructis, Curl Nourish for that tangled hair that is fighting its own zombie apocalypse. He tosses the bottle over his shoulder and then brings up the piece of meat again, which we can now tell is a lower leg, severed both at the knee and ankle. As the camera continues to zoom out, he goes to take another bite but then pauses and just stares at the leg. |+|
Zombie Marcus: A argh’a arghar argh argh…
|+|Zombie Marcus sighs and then we hear the voice-over belonging to the man he once was, Marcus Ka’Derrion. |+|
"I wasn’t always like this… "
|+|He tosses the leg over his shoulder, seeming to have lost his appetite and a bunch of other zombies appear out of nowhere, all diving and fighting for Marcus’ leftovers. He walks away, slowly, waddling from side to side, and takes a seat in a workout bench that has most of the padding torn up, likely from zombies chewing at it. He sighs deeply, an odd emotion for a zombie, and then begins zombieloguing. |+|
"Once upon a time I was a famous wrestler and multimillionaire tech giant living the best of both worlds. Now, I’m trapped in a zombie body, eating meat I can’t taste, wrestling in two places I would have never been caught dead in, Outsiders and now OCW. How ironic, I guess I HAVE been caught dead in them, huh? And yet, despite being in the situation I am, I find myself the Outsiders World Champion thanks to a piggy-bank cash in where I showed flashes of my former self … and I find myself at the rebirth of one of the greatest wrestling promotions of all time: OCW. They are promising a new beginnings and that this time it’s going to be different and by gosh darn it zombie Bob… I believe them!"
|+|He rolls his eyes so hard that they fall out of their sockets. He drops to all fours and begins to blindly look for them. After a while, he finds them, wipes them down on his dirty wrestling gear and pops them back on. They spin around until they fall back in place, and he blinks rapidly to wet them and adjust his vision but then remembers he can no longer produce tears. |+|
Zombie Marcus: A... R... G....
"F.M.L. indeed. OCW may or may not get to be to the place it once was, but they continue to offer creative A.F. events, and this one is something that is very much down my alley… A haunted house event, which would hold matches in different rooms inside the house… I have the list of rooms here with me, one moment."
|+|He leans back and reaches inside his tights and pulls out a crumpled up piece of paper. He unwraps it, dusting off the zombie pubes, revealing it to be one of those long CVS receipts that you get, even though you only bough a single item, but they give you like 10 coupons. He turns it around where he has written in crayon the different types of rooms. |+|
Zombie Marcus: argha argh, argharg argh, argharg argh, argh argharg, arghargh, argha, argh arghar arg arghar… argh arghar..
"Yes, I can see myself bringing the pain like my pops use to in each one of these rooms, specially the backyard, because let’s face it, that is where I am currently making most of my money that I don’t see a cent from thanks to the Malvado twins, but it’s not like I have a need for it… But yes, the backyard would be perfect and I’m sure Mikey Zybala will choose that too because he simply can’t resist… Good, I can finally get my hands around his neck and take a bite out of his throat... He dares to chase me around with a shotgun like he was Rick from The Walking Dead… You have a long way to go before you can be the sherif Zybala, and after I tear you up, I’m coming for dessert… yes, your little girl sure seems to be quite the ‘fun size’ snack for me to munch on. "
Zombie Marcus: argh, argh ar! Argh’a arg argh!!
"Come on what? No, that’s not too much, we’re a fucking zombie! Anyway, the yard will be my first choice, but after that, I guess the Home Theater. I assume there is electricity in that house so after I dispose of my victim if they are stupid enough to pick that room, then I can just watch a flick... Dinner and a movie sounds pretty good to me, I heard from Zombie Steve that "It Ends with Us" is pretty good. But in reality, and at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter what room I pick… what matters is who picks the same room as me, because they have to know that wrestling a zombie is pointless… Fighting a zombie is pointless, and since they aren’t allowed any weapon that would actually kill a zombie, as far as I know anyway, then their chances are all but none. Yes, this Haunted House event is mine to win, and once I become the OCW World Heavyweight champion, I’m going to… I’m going to… *sigh* what the hell am I going to do with that? I’m a zombie for crying out loud… "
|+|Marcus stands up, grabs the bench and flings it across the yard with his super human strength, taking out about 10 zombies. Zombie Steve who just happened to duck the bench, looks at Marcus and gives him a "WTF" look, which is a pretty funny thing to see a Zombie do. Marcus sighs again and begins to walk, and now we get a full view of the scenery. He is in the yard of a prison that once held inmates that were alive and as well as could be. There are watch towers at each corner of the yard, with a fourth no longer standing, seeming to have been blown up with a rocket launcher or something heavier. In the back you see a couple of buildings, some blacken thanks to most of it being burnt down. The other is solid brick with its doors and windows boarded up. Perhaps there are alive people in there, using that as fortress, or if infested, it became a prison itself for the survivors. Two of the towers are have dead bodies being picked on by wild buzzards. On the last one, a zombie guard paces around the tower, stuck in an infinite square loop until someone puts him out of his misery. But who would dare enter a zombie infested prison like this one? |+|
|+|That sweet “La Cucaracha” tune blasts out of the most famous lowrider since Jake Navaja’s ICWF mint green 1963 Chevy Impala. This one, a baby blue 1968 Cadillac “El Dorado” dubbed “La Camila 2”, which is being driven by 2-time Hall of Fame Tag Team champions, the rulers of The Mucho Evil Empire ™, the masked luchadores known as: The Malvado Brothers. The sound obviously catches the attention of all the zombies who waddle their way over the gravel covered dirt the lowrider is coming up on. But the fence doesn’t allow them to get closer to that beautiful piece of machinery that puts a very popular Honda Civic to shame. The lowrider stops at the gate, which is solid steel, and has a sign above it that reads “Zombie Daycare”. The Malvado brother that is driving, let’s say Hector, hits the honk again and again until the guard finally comes up to the gate. He looks at them with nothing but disgust in his face, as he chews on a toothpick. The guard is not dressed in your usual beige or gray uniform but wears an outfit that makes you think he belongs at a gay night club in South Beach and not in the outskirts of redneck Virginia. He wears black loafers with white baggy slacks with a colorful button-up-collar-shirt which he has only buttoned up halfway, to reveal his very macho hairy chest, which is adorned with a lot of gold chains. Oh yeah, this man is oozing with machismo. He runs his hand through his long, and very greasy black wavy hair before hitting a button with his other hand that makes a loud buzzing noise and opens the door for him to get out, but not the big one to let The Malvados in. The Malvados look at each other, and the Malvado in the passenger side, Victor, points at the guard while whispering to his brother.|+|
Victor M.: ¿Que no estaba muerto este?
Hector M.: Dead? For most of the World, but for two people, he is their world and is very much alive.
Victor M.: ¿Nosotros?
Hector M.: No, not us, we’re new school. He’s old school.
Victor M.: Ah... ¿Entonces es un huevo de Pascua?
Hector M.: Yes, an easter egg. Shuddup now, here he comes.
|+|Victor shrugs and Hector looks at the guard who leans against his door. |+|
Hector M.: ¿Que pasa, Incognito?
Incognito: Hey Yo.
Hector M.: Um, hey. Not going to let us in?
Incognito: Not today, walkers are being very rowdy today. Too dangerous, just call your boy to come out.
Hector M.: Orale.
|+|Hector hits the horn again and the zombies get even more riled up, and Marcus, who had found the bench, dusted it and sat back on it, sighs but doesn’t acknowledge the call. The Malvados begin whistling at him like he was a hot blonde in a red dress walking by a construction site and he groans before standing up and looking over at his so called friends. They both wave him over and he reluctantly, and slowly makes his way over. |+|
|+|After 10 long minutes, he comes out the same door that Incognito came out of, and he looks at the guard but doesn’t try to take a bite out of him, he knows better than to fuck with a legend. The Malvados look at each and put on fake smiles that can be totally seen through their luchador masks. |+|
Hector M.: Heeeeeeeeeeeeey buddy, how did it go today? Did you have fun?
Victor M.: ¿Conosistes a nuevos amigos?
Zombie Marcus: Ar argh argh arghar…
Hector M.: Woah, woah, do you kiss your mother with that zombie mouth?
Victor M.: ¡Cochino!
|+|But Marcus flicks them off and gets in the backseat of the lo-lo. The Malvados wave goodbye to Incognito who simply ignores them and goes back inside. The lowrider does a u-turn and then they head out. Both look at Marcus through the rearview mirror and he is looking out the window, looking very depressed. Marcus raises his hand and motions it slowly, as if waving to someone. In the zombie yard, a blonde zombie is watching him leave and lifts her hand up and waves back. Drool comes down the side of Marcus’ mouth. |+|
Hector M.: Heeeeey homie, you okay?
|+|Marcus turns his attention to Hector, and locks eyes with him on the rearview mirror. |+|
"What do you think, pendejo?"
Hector M.: Don’t feel like talking huh? Well that’s okay, because we have a surprise for you that will lift your spirits right up!
Victor M.: No tiene espirutu, es un zombie.
Hector M.: Shut up man! Actually don’t, tell him where we’re going Victor…
Victor M.: ¡La Carniceria!
|+|Marcus raises his eyebrows and actually manages a half smile.|+|
|+|La Carniceria del Barrio is the name of a small bodega located in downtown Richmond, known for selling the most delicious and freshest meats. We go inside the small and humble store, going past the meat-display, past the register and into the back area where the meats are hanging. Past that, there is a long metal table where a lot of meats have been laide out. The backdoor is open, and there we see La Camila 2 parked, and The Malvado brothers walking in with Zombie Marcus behind him, now wearing his shock collar which prevents him from going on a rager and normally speak through it like that dog in Guardians of the Galaxy, but alas, the technology is still busted. The Malvados hold a manilla folder that has a dozen 8x10 photos of the wrestlers entered in the Haunted House event. One of the brothers, let’s say Victor, gives the photos to Marcus who takes them but doesn’t quite know what to do with them, so he goes to bite it like he does everything else. |+|
Victor M.: No-no buddy, don’t bite it!
Hector M.: Dude! I’m the one that speaks English in this one!
Victor M.: Oh, um, eh, ¿lo siento?
Hector M.: Look Marcus, these are your possible opponents… You may get locked in a room with one or two, maybe even three, but won’t be all… That’s for sure… So, we’re going to do a fun little exercise here where you take the picture, and you peg it to the meat of your choice over there. You going to match the wrestler, or in the case of some of these participants, C listed celebrities, to the meat that best suits them…
Victor M.: ¿Se nos olvido alguien?
Hector M.: No we didn't forget anyone... and then Marcus, you get to take home your favorite to munch on. Got it?
"Uh huh. "
|+|Hector and Victor look at each other. |+|
Hector M.: I think he got it…
Victor M.: Si.
|+|Zombie Marcus shoves them aside and then stumbles his way to the meats. Some are just large pieces, while others, much smaller animals, are whole but already skinned and ready to cook, well, in his case, eat. Marcus flips through the pictures and stops at the one belonging to Matthew Knox. |+|
"This one is easy."
|+|He slaps the photo on a small chicken, probably. |+|
"A raven.. disgusting birds that will eat anything despite they actually being living things. I will just about eat anything, but a damn raven. They barely have meat in them anyway. Feathered-hollow-shells that give a bad vibe no matter where they go. Yes, when I was alive these are the sort of things I heard about Knox. A guy who does a lot of squawking, we’ll see how much he does if he gets stuck in a room with me and I wrap my hands around his scrawny neck. "
|+|He wraps the picture around the small bird and then throws it in the trashcan. He then flips through the photos again and pulls the one belonging to L.C. Pinkston. He looks around at the meats and finds spareribs, and wraps the picture around them. |+|
"Ah yes, this scrawny little fucker reminds me of ribs. They can be fun, but there is very little meat in them and after you finished, you are left wanting more and realize that they weren’t worth the effort to eat them, plus they make your fingers messy."
|+|He keeps flipping through the photos, finding the one of Henri Toussaint. Marcus looks around, trying to find the most over-prepared meat there is, with all the condiments and spices. He finds sirloin pork roast, boneless and slaps the picture on it. |+|
"I don’t eat pork, surprising I know, specially pork that’s got too much spices and condiments because clearly they are just overcompensating for the bad flavor. Like Henri"
|+|Marcus arrives at the dry meats, beef jerky and the like… A lot of them imported. |+|
"Ah yes, here we are, “Midlands” dry meat… I feel like chewing on these would be a lot like chewing on Lord Alton’s legs… If I was a dog, he would be the perfect chew toy… But I’m not, and the only meat on this man is in his greasy torso, gross. I need to keep my sexy zombie figure and do not need all of that British cow fat in my body. I think I’ll pass. "
|+|He slaps Lord Alton’s photo on the hanging meats and moves on, passing over sausages, and all kinds of beef and lamb cuts as well as veal, deer and other delicacies. He finally arrives at the main display, where the prime meats are. |+|
"Ah, here we are. Bison, I love me some bison… Montana Grill has some of the best bison burgers ever and what wouldn’t I give to once again taste one of those burgers… Until then, you will have to do Duce Jones. You’re thick and juicy and just thinking about you being stuck with me one of those rooms, where I know I will be able to eat for days is making me… well, hungry. I love me some dark meat. Hm. But these are best meats right here, rack of lamb, maybe Mack O’Connor tastes like that… Donnie Harries probably tastes like tender moose… They have those in Utah don’t they? Eating Bob Granier would probably remind me of Tourtière… As a zombie, when a meat is spicy, that is when I can get the closest to tasting something that reminds me of the real thing. "
|+|He closes his eyes and breaths in deeply, trying to remember what real meat, any meat, tastes like. He then opens his eyes and exhales, knowing he’ll never get that feeling back. He looks at the last remaining picture in his hands.. |+|
"Mike Zybala…"
|+|He slaps it on the rump of a half cow that is hanging upside down from the ceiling.|+|
"You pudgy fucker. You think you’re hunting me down, no sir, inside that house… I’m the hunter… of all you… Like everything around here, you are all dead meat… You are not stuck inside of a house with a 20 year old curse… You’re stuck with Zombie “fucking” Marcus. "
|+|Marcus pulls down the half cow from the ceiling and throws it over his shoulder and then grabs a few other items and leaves the carniceria. The Malvados pop their head back in.|+|
Hector M.: That’s a lot of meat.
Victor M.: Mucho meat.
Zombie Marcus: ARG’A ARGHARG’ AR!
Hector M.: Coming!
|+|Fin. |+|
Epilogue
|+|The Malvados are back home, sleeping in their bunk beds. Suddenly one of them, let's say Hector, sits up, eyes wide open.|+|
Hector M.: We forgot about Vhodka Black!
|+|Hector doesn't respond, simply rolls over and farts. On the outside, inside his zombie cage, Marcus is munching on something.|+|
"Yum, chicken legs."
