Post by Jock Reasoning on Mar 26, 2024 19:21:45 GMT -5
A body hits the floor.
ROOOOOOARRRRRRR
Sorry. Went into early 00s efed mode for a second.
But a body does hit the floor. Or ground. We’ll call it the surface of the earth.
“Wow, the OG Board is reaching deep for this one,” a voice that sounds like nobody we’ve met remarks.
We fade in and look down at the unconscious body of nobody in particular. An average person. Nothing special.
“He’s not who we’re here for,” a voice we very much recognize answers back. The voice belonging to JOCK Reasoning.
Jock asks the unfamiliar voice that belongs to an unknown man in an OCW shirt to help him roll the unconscious body out of the way. Once finished, Jock reaches out and snags a very familiar piece of headgear.
“Are you sure about this, Jock?”
“It’s what the OG Board wants.”
“Well, get to flappin.”
—
A bunch of parents and kids anxiously await the arrival of their hero. Or, should we say, heroine! A very upbeat, bouncy song plays as the parents and kids clap and bob their heads.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the one…the only…the former OCW Champion. OCW Hall of Famer! Innovator of OWL THIS MUSTARD! And, the founding father of the Owl Is Night movement! She is your favorite and mine…ALICE KNIGHT!!”
Alice peeks her head around a corner and ducks back. She peeks again and the fans get louder. She darts back behind the corner. She peeks again and the fans go wild “OWLIS! OWLIS! OWLIS!” She struts out, flapping her arms. The upbeat music continues. The parents and kids are on their feet, clapping in unison with her flapping.
The music suddenly turns into Death Metal as Alice lets out a rather aggressive, wide-eyed HOOT! The parents and children rear back, paralyzed with fright. The music returns to its peppy nature as they slowly clap and cheer again.
Alice points to the corner she rounded and out steps…OWLIE! Her famous Owl Mascot!! Owlie struts and flaps his wings as the parents and kids go wild. “OWLIE!!” A bunch of kids jump up and down, eager to get an autograph from OCW’s most famous mascot. She takes a swig of peach schnapps hidden in her colorful blouse.
Alice sneaks back in, flapping her arms. The kids join in still focusing on Owlie. Suddenly pulling out a ukulele from her back. Most of the male adults begin to groan. “How about we sing the OWLIE IS NIGHT SONG! YAYYYYY!” Alice begins banging on the tiny instrument. “Thhhhheeeese are the haaaaaands that built Ammerrrrrrica! Ohhhhhhh my…. Amerrrrica!”
“That’s a U2 song Miss Knight…” Owlie speaks under his beak in a very familiar voice.
The room goes silent as everyone brings their attention towards Owlie who is starting to sneak up on Alice strangely.
“N-no. It’s the OWLIE IS NIGHT song!” Alice storms towards Owlie pulling him aside. Quietly she speaks to him “Dude. What’s the big idea? These dummy kids don’t know the difference between a U2 song and a royalty-free tune you find off YouTube I can steal. Wait. I saw the police raiding P-Diddy’s place on the news. Do you think they might be raiding my home? Nothing illegal but I may have to explain my life-size CJ O’Donnell dummy made out of hay.”
Owlie leans away from Alice. Perhaps getting more than a whiff of schnapps off her breath. She looks down and sees a soaked cloth in Owlie’s hand. The cloth has the logo of ‘OCW Survivor’ on it.
Alice stares at Owlie. She can’t hold it in any longer. She bursts out laughing. So loud and over the top like she staggers around the kids laughing out loud.
“You think you can storm in here. Tell these dummies that I am singing the greatest American band song to what? Get me to come do OCW Survivor? And leave allllllllll this? Here is what you fail to understand, Owlie. This little shindig I am doing. Isn’t for the money. Though I did get a large advance. It’s because of these children. These HOOTERS? They LOVE ME! LOOOOOVE ME! Like look at this cake that says ‘1 YEAR CELEBRATION FOR BIFFORD AND CLAUDIA!’ and…”
Alice's fists clinch. Her eyes bug out. A small child touches Alice’s hand. A soft smile on her face as she looks up at Alice. “Were you the beast in Bifford and the Beast?’
In slow motion Alice does a spin kick right into the cake. The room goes silent. Owlie sees its chance.
It dives for Alice! But Alice moves and Owlie shoves the soaked cloth over the face of a proud father! He goes unconscious, falling to the ground. The rest of the parents and kids freak out, spinning around and trying to escape.
“Owlie has lost it!”
“The bird is rogue!”
“It’s Hitchcock all over again!”
The terror-filled remarks from parents turn the room into chaos.
Alice looks around, confused. Owlie stands up…he tries to flap his wings to calm the room down but nobody is buying it.
An officer enters, “Miss Knight. How many people are here?”
Alice stares at him, “A few?”
“Did you know this building can only hold 50 people before it becomes a fire hazard?”
Alice looks at Owlie. Owlie shrugs.
“There’s got to be at least 100 people in here! And they’ve all lost their minds!”
“I can’t help it that my star power does that to people.”
The officer sees an unconscious man being trampled. The man Owlie smothered.
“And what’s with him? Is that James? Pastor James?” The officer’s voice rattles. “That’s it, when I’m done getting James to safety we’re going downtown for a chat.”
The officer rushes over to help Pastor James. Alice looks at Owlie. “You got a ride, cowboy?”
Owlie throws his rag away and escorts Alice through the back and out of the chaos where the Slam Buss is waiting.
ROOOOOOARRRRRRR
Sorry. Went into early 00s efed mode for a second.
But a body does hit the floor. Or ground. We’ll call it the surface of the earth.
“Wow, the OG Board is reaching deep for this one,” a voice that sounds like nobody we’ve met remarks.
We fade in and look down at the unconscious body of nobody in particular. An average person. Nothing special.
“He’s not who we’re here for,” a voice we very much recognize answers back. The voice belonging to JOCK Reasoning.
Jock asks the unfamiliar voice that belongs to an unknown man in an OCW shirt to help him roll the unconscious body out of the way. Once finished, Jock reaches out and snags a very familiar piece of headgear.
“Are you sure about this, Jock?”
“It’s what the OG Board wants.”
“Well, get to flappin.”
—
A bunch of parents and kids anxiously await the arrival of their hero. Or, should we say, heroine! A very upbeat, bouncy song plays as the parents and kids clap and bob their heads.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the one…the only…the former OCW Champion. OCW Hall of Famer! Innovator of OWL THIS MUSTARD! And, the founding father of the Owl Is Night movement! She is your favorite and mine…ALICE KNIGHT!!”
Alice peeks her head around a corner and ducks back. She peeks again and the fans get louder. She darts back behind the corner. She peeks again and the fans go wild “OWLIS! OWLIS! OWLIS!” She struts out, flapping her arms. The upbeat music continues. The parents and kids are on their feet, clapping in unison with her flapping.
The music suddenly turns into Death Metal as Alice lets out a rather aggressive, wide-eyed HOOT! The parents and children rear back, paralyzed with fright. The music returns to its peppy nature as they slowly clap and cheer again.
Alice points to the corner she rounded and out steps…OWLIE! Her famous Owl Mascot!! Owlie struts and flaps his wings as the parents and kids go wild. “OWLIE!!” A bunch of kids jump up and down, eager to get an autograph from OCW’s most famous mascot. She takes a swig of peach schnapps hidden in her colorful blouse.
Alice sneaks back in, flapping her arms. The kids join in still focusing on Owlie. Suddenly pulling out a ukulele from her back. Most of the male adults begin to groan. “How about we sing the OWLIE IS NIGHT SONG! YAYYYYY!” Alice begins banging on the tiny instrument. “Thhhhheeeese are the haaaaaands that built Ammerrrrrrica! Ohhhhhhh my…. Amerrrrica!”
“That’s a U2 song Miss Knight…” Owlie speaks under his beak in a very familiar voice.
The room goes silent as everyone brings their attention towards Owlie who is starting to sneak up on Alice strangely.
“N-no. It’s the OWLIE IS NIGHT song!” Alice storms towards Owlie pulling him aside. Quietly she speaks to him “Dude. What’s the big idea? These dummy kids don’t know the difference between a U2 song and a royalty-free tune you find off YouTube I can steal. Wait. I saw the police raiding P-Diddy’s place on the news. Do you think they might be raiding my home? Nothing illegal but I may have to explain my life-size CJ O’Donnell dummy made out of hay.”
Owlie leans away from Alice. Perhaps getting more than a whiff of schnapps off her breath. She looks down and sees a soaked cloth in Owlie’s hand. The cloth has the logo of ‘OCW Survivor’ on it.
Alice stares at Owlie. She can’t hold it in any longer. She bursts out laughing. So loud and over the top like she staggers around the kids laughing out loud.
“You think you can storm in here. Tell these dummies that I am singing the greatest American band song to what? Get me to come do OCW Survivor? And leave allllllllll this? Here is what you fail to understand, Owlie. This little shindig I am doing. Isn’t for the money. Though I did get a large advance. It’s because of these children. These HOOTERS? They LOVE ME! LOOOOOVE ME! Like look at this cake that says ‘1 YEAR CELEBRATION FOR BIFFORD AND CLAUDIA!’ and…”
Alice's fists clinch. Her eyes bug out. A small child touches Alice’s hand. A soft smile on her face as she looks up at Alice. “Were you the beast in Bifford and the Beast?’
In slow motion Alice does a spin kick right into the cake. The room goes silent. Owlie sees its chance.
It dives for Alice! But Alice moves and Owlie shoves the soaked cloth over the face of a proud father! He goes unconscious, falling to the ground. The rest of the parents and kids freak out, spinning around and trying to escape.
“Owlie has lost it!”
“The bird is rogue!”
“It’s Hitchcock all over again!”
The terror-filled remarks from parents turn the room into chaos.
Alice looks around, confused. Owlie stands up…he tries to flap his wings to calm the room down but nobody is buying it.
An officer enters, “Miss Knight. How many people are here?”
Alice stares at him, “A few?”
“Did you know this building can only hold 50 people before it becomes a fire hazard?”
Alice looks at Owlie. Owlie shrugs.
“There’s got to be at least 100 people in here! And they’ve all lost their minds!”
“I can’t help it that my star power does that to people.”
The officer sees an unconscious man being trampled. The man Owlie smothered.
“And what’s with him? Is that James? Pastor James?” The officer’s voice rattles. “That’s it, when I’m done getting James to safety we’re going downtown for a chat.”
The officer rushes over to help Pastor James. Alice looks at Owlie. “You got a ride, cowboy?”
Owlie throws his rag away and escorts Alice through the back and out of the chaos where the Slam Buss is waiting.
Alice Knight - Coerced
Entrant #14 into the OCW Survivor Season 3 Field.
