Coercion: Introducing Contestant #5

[Jock Reasoning]

~We fade in. Strings dangle from a ceiling. Our view pans downward, following the strings. Giggling is heard. A familiar theme blasts from a set of speakers. We continue to descend. More giggling. Finally, some images are revealed. Two women being controlled by strings are flailing around, dancing…and feeding a happy, giggling Curt Canon! They are feeding him pop-rock Oreos as BAYWATCH plays on TV~

Curt Canon: *pop* *pop* *pop*

~Canon opens his mouth to let everyone hear the rocks popping in his mouth. The women continue to move around weirdly in rhythm with the theme. We get a shot of the HOFF sprinting down the beach in all his tanned, muscular masculinity~

Curt Canon: Amazing.

~A reflection shines on the TV screen. Curt looks over and sees JOCK REASONING standing behind him. He slowly turns back around~

Curt Canon: I’m retired.

~One of the women bounces and flails her way toward JOCK with a cookie in her hand. Jock looks down at it and up at the strangely moving woman~

Jock Reasoning: Thank you.

~She does a weird curtsy and flails her way back over to Curt. Jock bites into the Oreo. It’s way better than it has any right to be~

Jock Reasoning: Curt *pop pop* listen to me *pop pop* OCW Survivor is returning and the board *pop pop* has approved your *pop pop* inclusion.

~Curt bites into another cookie as we get a slow-motion shot of Pamela Anderson (probably) emerging from the water and tossing her wet hair around in a tight, red bikini~

Curt Canon: Jock *pop pop* I’m retired *pop pop* the only way *pop pop* I’d return *pop pop* is if you had *pop pop* Scott Syren signed up.

~Jock takes another bite~

Jock Reasoning: Don’t do it for *pop pop* me. Don’t do it *pop pop* for Syren. *pop pop* Do it for *pop* him.

~Jock points at a framed photo of Checkers, Curt’s deceased best friend. He was also a monkey Curt discovered on Season 1 of Survivor. Curt stares at the photo and hears Checker’s voice in the back of his mind~

Curt Canon: What would *pop pop* Checkers Do?

~The women flail around as Baywatch continues to play. Curt looks over at Jock~

Jock Reasoning: I think *pop pop* he’d want you to play. *pop*

~Curt considers. He stares deep into Jock’s eyes. Jock stares deep into Curt’s eyes. They both take a bite of Oreo~

Jock Reasoning: *pop*

Curt Canon: *pop*

Jock Reasoning: We have *pop* a Lurrr.

~Curt rises from his chair~

Curt Canon: You have a *pop pop* what?

Jock Reasoning: Lurrr. *pop*

~Curt puts his hands on his hips and he stares into another corner. He sees the DareDevil mask inside a frame. He looks over to Checkers. He stares at Pamela Anderson’s wet boobs. He bites into a cookie~

Curt Canon: I know *pop pop* what I must do. *pop*

Jock Reasoning: What is it, *pop* Curt?

Curt Canon: I must…

~We zoom in tight on his eyes as they narrow with focus~

Curt Canon: Survive. … … … *pop*

~Curt takes off. Jock watches along with the flailing women~

Jock Reasoning: There he *pop* goes. There goes that *pop* man.

~Curt yells out “RUN IN!!” He runs right past the Slam Buss. The flailing women look at Jock~

Jock Reasoning: That’s okay *pop*. We’ll go *pop* and pick him up. *pop*

~Jock exits as Curt continues sprinting off into the distance~

Curt Canon - Coerced
Entrant #5 into the OCW Survivor Season 3 Field.

[zybala]

Zybala: What the fuck did I just watch?

[Lord Allton]

And I resent the fact that Mr. Canon found Checkers. That's not how I remember it.

Robert Morbidus caught him, Curt thought he was going to kill it and drink his blood, but Morbidus actually caught him FOR Curt as a um...peace offering. Yeah...