Dystopia 32 (Finally)
Jan 18, 2024 12:15:31 GMT -5
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zybala, Lord Allton, and 1 more like this
Post by zybala on Jan 18, 2024 12:15:31 GMT -5
~ Hey there, sexy. You looking for a good time? Yeah you are. You wouldn't be here if you didn't. We can make you feel real good. We do things your other fed won't let you watch. It's okay. We won't tell if you won't. Now that we have you both confused and a little aroused… WELCOME TO DYSTOPIA 32!! The weather is gorgeous, because Mother Nature herself is a fucking Yardie! Speaking of those miscreants, The Yardies have already shambled into Yard and have got a good buzz going; taking advantage of the free beer. The Eastern European and Emilio are back at their usual positions at the charcoal grills. The port-o-potties, as always, have been cleaned and sanitized. If STDs spread at an Outsiders show, it won't be because of our port-o-potties. It'll be because of unprotected sex just like The Good Lord intended!
The ring is set up with extra features this week. Dean and Zybala have brushed off the dust from the poles and extra ropes they used for The Ultimate X match at Dystopia: Double X and attached them to the ring! A big, plastic piggy bank is hanging in the center of the X. Ladders are laid all over The Yard. No rhyme or reason with their placement. If you want logic, Outsiders isn't the place for you. The Mariachi Band is playing the official Outsiders theme song, “Nowhere Generation.” The fans drunkenly sing along with all their hearts. The beautiful song speaks to them.
The refrigerator box/announcer table is standing proudly. Behind the "table" is the original Outsider Dean and the man logic forgot, Mike Zybala. Both men look happy to be paired up again. But what is this? Across the lawn from the trust fridge box is another table! With microphones and a headset! What the actual fuck!! Are they betraying the box?!?! ~
Dean: Welcome back suckas to another episode of Dystopia! I'm Dean, and I'm joined by my buddy Mikey Z!
Zybala: Good to be back home Dean. Having shows at the OCW Arena and Strader Compound is great and all, but nothing beats being in The Yard!
Dean: Damn right, suckas! But we ain't gonna be alone in the match calling game any more!
~ The crowd murmurs. What is going on?? Is someone joining the duo? Did PIC finally accept our invite? ~
Zybala: That's right, folks! Please help Dean and I welcome….the newest members to the Outsiders staff….. our new Spanish color commentators…. The Hall of Famers…… THE MALVADO BROTHERS!!!
~ “Si señor" by Control Machete begins to play and shortly after the Malvado Brothers’ new lowrider pulls safely into The Yard. Can't scratch the paint. Hector is driving while Victor is bobbing his head to the music in the passenger seat. They park and Hector hits the horn, playing that sweet "La Cucaracha" tune. He then hits the switches, causing the lo-lo to bounce up and down and The Yardies to pop big time. Hector turns off the car and The Malvado Bros. jump out of the lo-lo wearing tuxedos style T-shirts and matching white masks with black spiral logo,
They hop down and walk over to Zybala and Dean and shake their hands before going over to the Spanish Announce Table. The Yardies go wild as a chant of "ZERO ENGLISH!" can be heard through the neighborhood by 200 screaming Outsiders. Hector nods his head to the chants, as Victor looks all emotional at the fans' love. The duo take their seats and don the headsets and immediately start talking in spanish. We kick it over to Belvedere who is standing in the ring, ready to start this wild circus.~
Belvedere: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to The Yard for another Dystopia! And welcome….to Loose Change in the Pocket!! Presented by all OCWs, PWA, and TPW!
~ The Yardies explode with cheers! A few shout out “Fuck SFW!” ~
Belvedere: First. We are sad to announce that Crash Rodriguez and Vhodka Black have missed their flight and won't be here tonight.
~ The fans boo at this news. ~[/b]
Belvedere: Moving on… Here are the rules of the match. The first one to gain full possession of the piggy bank will be declared the winner and have an open contract for any Outsiders title any time, any where!
Yardies: ONE FALL!!
Belvedere: But I didn't even… never mind… Introducing first….hailing from Huntington, West Virginia…. Weighing in at 311 pounds….. he is “THUNDERING” TERRY MARSHALL!!!
~ AC/DC's “Thunderstruck” blares over the speakers as a bunch of Oompa Loompa looking rip offs run out of the house, flanked by Terry Marshall. ~[/b]
Zybala: Terry has brought the Alex Marshalls with him!
Dean: Sucka, not everybody saw your Willy Wanka promo. Lots of fools are gonna be in the dark about this.
Zybala; Hmmmm…. Good point. I'll fix that in post.
~ The screen pauses as a link crosses your screen. thunderpro.freeforums.net/thread/1089/parody-avoid-lawsuit.
There you go. Now you know the history of the little people. Terry gets into the ring and the Marshalls go to sit at ringside. Terry smirks at how annoyed his brother will be at this. Belvedere continues.~
Belvedere: Coming to the ring next… From Dallas, Texas by way of Shreveport, Los Angeles…. weighing in at 240 pounds….. he is AXIS!!!
~. The acoustics of "Zombie" hits the speakers as Axis steps out of the house, doing his signature "Quadruple Horns" pose. Axis calmly yet menacingly walks across the lawn towards the ring. He looks up at the piggy bank as he steps in the ring and nods at Terry. The music stops. ~
Belvedere: Coming to the ring next…. standing at 6-foot-3-inches tall, weighing in at 228 pounds….. he is the Outsiders Streaming Service Champion……DONNIE HARRIS!!!
"You'll be cryin' like a bitch!"
~This line from the chorus of Godsmack's song blasts over the speakers before the song opens with its opening drumline. As soon as the lyrics start, Donnie slowly emerges from out of the house with the Streaming Services title around his waist. The fans boo Harris as he slowly starts walking across the lawn halfway into the first verse. Harris walks to the ring and jumps up onto the ring apron, moving through the ropes when Axis rushes in to attack him! Harris is booted in the head and falls from the apron to the grass!! Axis hops out of the ring to follow. ~
Dean: Well damn, sucka! Axis don't wanna wait for the others to get in the match!
Zybala: Axis might be feeling slighted after Texas Chainsaw Massacre where Harris used a less than legal chokehold to beat Axis and Fanny for the S.S. belt.
~ Belvedere continues as Axis lays the boots to Harris who is trying to get back to his feet. Terry looks over The Yard looking for the nearest ladder as the two fight outside of the ring. ~
Belvedere: Making his way to the ring next…. Standing at five feet, ten inches tall and weighing two hundred and fifty-one pounds…. He hails from Stockton, California and is the Outcast Championship Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion! He! Is! BRADDOCK!!!!
~ Drums pound in sync with grinding guitars as “Bonehead” by Naked City assaults the fans’ ear drums. BRADDOCK explodes from the house full of energy! He looks at the two men fighting and runs over swinging at both of them!! Axis and Harris try to swing back while still fighting each other! The fans are cheering because who doesn't like a good donnybrook, boys? Sorry, I've been rewatching Letterkenny. While the trio continues to fight, Belvedere pitter patters. ~
Belvedere: Coming to the ring next… he hails from Monterey, California…. Standing at 6 foot 6 and weighing 243…. This is MATT KNOX!!
~ The Malvados stand up and head to the garage as “Hell Broke Luce” by Tom Waits hits the speakers. Matt Knox walks into The Yard holding a shopping bag. He looks at the action before making his way over to the grill manned by Emilio. He makes idle chit chat before reaching into the bag and pulls out a couple of juicy looking T-bone steaks. Emilio pushes some burgers aside to make room for the superior meats. Belvedere “ahems” into the microphone, only for Knox to wave him off. Shrugging, Belvedere continues… ~
Belvedere: Coming to the ring next hailing from Miami, Florida…. Standing at 6 foot 2 inches and weighing 220…. This is ZOMBIE MARCUS!!!
~ The song “Zombie” by The Cranberries begins to play, causing Axia to stop fighting and look confused. He's already in the match. A couple of zoo handlers come out pushing a hand truck that Zombie Marcus is strapped to... Wait a minute!! Those aren’t zoo handlers, they are The Malvado brothers dressed in uniforms! The crowd, who by now has gotten to their feet, cheer loudly as The Brothers carefully undo the straps, releasing Marcus. He promptly stumbles away from the hand truck and makes his way to the ring, zig zagging and playfully trying to take a bite out of some of The Yardies. He stumbles under the bottom rope and right away chases after Belvedere, who jumps out of the ring, scared to death.
Marcus turns towards Terry, but looks around at The Yardies who are chanting "Zombie Marcus!", clapping, repeating. That seems to calm him down, he then looks at The Malvados who make their way back to the Spanish announce table after taking their zoo uniforms off. He then turns his attention to his opponents outside of the ring. This guy has no attention span. BRADDOCK, Axis and Harris stop fighting and just stare at Marcus. They start arguing about the validity of an actual zombie. Terry is leaning against the ropes, doing nothing but watching. ~
Dean: You got your shotgun, right??
Zybala: Dude, we run a backyard wrestling company in FLORIDA! Of course I have my shotgun!
Dean: What about stakes?
Zybala: That's for vampires.
Dean: Sucka! Shit’s getting real! Especially after that Sadie Ko ghost bitch!
Zybala: Speaking of getting real, here comes SYNN and Eric Drake without an entrance!
~ Drake and SYNN run from the side of The Yard holding a ladder! They use it to hit the three confused wrestlers from behind! Axis, Harris and BRADDOCK go down as Knox flips his steaks over on the grill. Drake and SYNN start putting the boots to the trio as Marcus shambles from the ring and starts trying to bite everyone in sight! The three on the ground start kicking at Marcus’ shins as SYNN and Drake hit him on the head with the ladder! The Zombie drops and rolls away to catch his bre… I mean, recover. Zombies don't breathe. Belvedere, used to the weirdness of Outsiders, carries on. ~
Belvedere: And their opponent… hailing from The Midlands of England…. Weighing in at 11 stones… he is an Outsiders triple crown champion….. this is LOOOOORD ALLLLTOOON!!!!
~ The Faithful goes wild as The Who's "Real Good Looking Boy" hits the speakers and Lord Allton comes wheeling out into The Yard in his motorized wheelchair. He speeds across the lawn as fast as the chair can go and hits the brakes hard, sending him flying from the chair right into SYNN and Drake! They all fall on top of the trio on the ground, who get crushed by the people and the ladder. Allton starts throwing rights and his more dominant lefts at anyone he can while everyone tries to push each other away from them while trying to fight back. ~
Belvedere: And finally….. last to the ring …. She hails from the Strader Compound and has advised us not to list her weight…. She is VERONICA STRADER!!!!
~ Zybala, not even bothering to look up Veronica's profile, hits random on his playlist. “Your Daddy Don't Know” by Toronto hits and Strader comes out of the house and immediately walks over to Zybala. She channels her inner Dre (there's your fourth wall break, good buddy) and starts yelling at Zybala for being too lazy to check the PWA and OCW websites. Zybala counters with he's been busy with getting his house ready for the baby. Seriously, allow me to vent. I have an older house and my wife wants new ceiling panels, to replace the ceiling light, and new flooring to make the room nice for the baby. I'm not saying she's wrong. Home repairs and updates are just a pain in the ass, especially when you do them yourself.
Anyways, Zybala just points at the ring and Veronica, because Dre is a father and can sympathize, also sympathizes. She walks towards the ring and side steps the fighting people and goes in the ring. She starts having a polite conversation with Terry Marshall. Mitch, who has been sitting off to the side the whole time, calls for the bell! Belvedere leaves the ring as Terry interrupts his conversation by hoisting Strader up with a gorilla press and throws her at the fighting group outside of the ring! Terry looks at the cluster of bodies outside of the ring, then up at the piggy bank. ~
Dean: And this match is finally underway, sucka!
Zybala: And Terry Marshall is alone in the ring! He needs to find a ladder!
Dean: I don't think that's what he's thinking about, Mikey. Big man may be looking to fly!
~ Terry looks at his opponents before he starts a slow clap which the fans pick up. Terry hits the ropes to build up momentum and runs at his rising opponents. When he gets near the ropes, he slows down and steps through them. With his back facing the lawn, Terry jumps on the bottom rope, bounces off and lands on the ring apron again. He then turns around and spreads his arms wide as he falls on the other wrestlers on the lawn, knocking almost everyone down once again! Matt Knox looks up from the grill and raises a beer in salute to the “high risk” maneuver. Terry stands up and starts beating his own chest acting as if he hit a 630 moonsault. The Yardies, of course, egg him on like it was the greatest thing ever.
After celebrating, Terry starts looking under the ring for a ladder. He finds one and starts to pull. He struggles as he pulls but manages to drag it out. The Yardies cheer when they see why Terry struggled. Zombie Marcus was on the ladder! Terry drops the ladder and backs away as Marcus shambles to his feet. The Zombie starts to follow Terry, who walks around the ring, always keeping the Zombie in his eyesight. Terry walks past the Alex Marshalls and gets an idea. He grabs one of the little people and tries to offer him to Marcus. Marcus stops and cocks his head to the side. Terry tries to sell the idea of “smaller means easy to eat.” The Oompa Loompa ripoff starts yelling about Terry not paying them enough. Zombie Marcus seems to agree with Terry as he sets his undead eyes on the Alex Marshalls, who shriek and run away across The Yard with Zombie Marcus giving chase. ~
Dean: And the Zombie goes chasing after the People McNuggets!
Zybala: DUDE!
Dean: Sucka, I'm a NPC in a fake game about a scripted sport. Ain't nobody canceling me!
Zybala: Still!
~ Everyone seems to have broken up into little groups to fight. BRADDOCK and Donnie Harris have managed to get back in the ring to continue brawling. SYNN and Strader are trading blows outside of the ring as some idiot fans shout “cat fight!” Eric Drake and Lord Allton are fighting in the crowd. Axis runs after Terry Marshall, tackling him to the grass. Zombie Marcus is still chasing the little people. Matt Knox is making sure to get that nice, juicy pink center in his steak.
Strader and SYNN make their way across The Yard exchanging blows as they get near the port-o-potties. SYNN gets a small advantage when she ducks a wild punch from Veronica. She grabs the 182nd Strader, 34th of her name, and whips her into one of the portable crappers. Roni hits the plastic hard and bounces back into the waiting arms of SYNN, who grabs her current foe's head and starts bouncing it off of the port-o-potty. The plastic isn't hurting that much, but it does hurt as Strader looks a bit disoriented. SYNN drags Strader to the front of the toilet domicile and opens the door. She's about to throw Veronica into the structure, but Strader realizes what the structure is and starts freaking out!
Like a total PTSD moment. Strader has NOT had a good history with port-o-potties. Super long story. She gets a rush of adrenaline and terror and starts punching and kicking and thrashing around. She does NOT want to go into another port-o-potty. Strader plants her feet and throws SYNN in the port-o-potty instead! SYNN goes into the structure but quickly turns around to prevent Strader from closing the door. Both ladies push on the door, one trying to close it while the other wants out. A fan goes to the port-o-potty next to them and enters. The ladies still fight for a moment before a weird look crosses both their faces. SYNN starts to sniff and looks disgusted as Veronica backs away gagging. They both run away from the toilets with tears in their eyes. ~
Zybala: Apparently whoever is in there is having some nasty shit as it scared away two of our fighters.
Dean: Just one of the dangers of having an outdoors show, sucka. I'm honestly surprised it took this long for a toilet gag.
Zybala: Speaking of outdoor dangers, Allton and Drake are getting close to the grills.
~ That is indeed what is happening as Drake and your handler and mine get dangerously close to the grills. Knox raises an eyebrow as he grabs a glowing piece of charcoal with the tongs and waves it as a warning towards the fighting men. Allton grabs Drake's head and actually tries to push it towards the burning coal. Drake starts to sweat as he slowly gets closer when Knox pulls the coal away, not wanting to physically scar someone while cooking. Grillers have a code of conduct after all. Allton is not so caring as he tries to push Drake's head onto the grill! Knox, who was blasé about the match, gets angry as his steaks are in danger of being ruined. He grabs the grill and rolls it away in a huff, with some fans following. Emilio was cooking on the same grill.
Drake takes the moment to hop up with an enziguri to kick a distracted Allton in the head. Allton staggers back dazed as Drake looks around for something to use as a weapon. A few fans offer him a chair and he goes to grab one. Before he turns around, Allton is there behind him locking in a sleeper hold! Drake struggles against it as he tries to find a way to hit Allton with the chair but can't without hitting himself. Drake lifts the chair up above him with the round, blunt head down and drops it. He takes a quick step forward and the chair drops on top of Allton's head! Allton releases the sleeper to hold the top of his head. He keeps checking for blood as Drake tackles him to the ground! Let's check on someone else for a second.
Our P.O.V. smash cuts to Axis and Marshall who are still fighting on the grass. Axis has just been hip tossed onto the grass. Marshall is waiting for him to get up and when he does, the two men meet and resume their exchange of lefts and rights. The crowd is all cheers in this section as neither man is giving an inch. Terry eventually begins to get the upper hand and starts driving Axis back across the lawn . Terry grabs Axis and whips him towards the ring but Axis reverses and sends Terry towards the direction of the grills! Marshall collides with Allton and Drake and the trio stagger but remain standing. That is until Axis charges and drops them with a spear, and all four fall to the grass!! ~
Zybala: Action is all over the place tonight!
Dean: Damn straight, sucka! Maybe we made a mistake booking this many people.
Zybala: Who cares?! The fans love it!
~ We cut to BRADDOCK, who has just dropped Harris with an inverted suplex and leaves the ring. He grabs a ladder and brings it into the ring. He sets it up under the piggy bank and starts climbing. BRADDOCK is about halfway up when Harris gets to his feet and starts pushing the ladder over! BRADDOCK hops down as the ladder falls on the top rope. Harris goes to attack his Outcast for and the two champions are locked in combat once more! They push against one another in a collar and elbow, trying to gain an advantage but they are roughly the same strength. Harris swiftly kicks BRADDOCK in the shin and locks him up for a suplex. He lifts the Outcast champ up and drops him stomach-first on the downed ladder. BRADDOCK grips his midsection in pain as Harris pushes him out of the ring and picks up the ladder.
He sets up the ladder and starts his ascent! He gets to the top when he feels the ladder start to wobble. Harris looks down and sees a bunch of the midgets running under the ladder and Zombie Marcus in the ring. He is confused by the ladder as the Alex Marshalls run under it and he stops. Marcus pushes the ladder gently and tries to bite it, but it doesn't taste like human so he stops. Harris shouts at him to stop, which causes Marcus to look up. A switch seems to click in his brain, a moment of clarity if you will and The Zombie starts to climb the ladder! Harris sees this and fumbles to grab the piggy bank. He palms it, sending it swinging as Marcus climbs to the top!
Marcus takes a swing at Harris, who reciprocates in kind. The two duke it out on the ladder as Marcus starts to get the upper hand. A solid right staggers Harris, which Marcus follows up by grabbing Harris by the head and slamming it onto the top of the ladder! Harris is still holding on! Marcus slams Donnie's head on the top step of the ladder once more, and Harris falls to the mat! The fans cheer as Zombie Marcus is all alone on the ladder! ~
Zybala: Marcus is gonna do it! No one is there to stop him!
Dean: I cant believe a zombie is gonna win! I think we've officially jumped the shark in Outsiders!
~ Zombie Marcus reaches out for the piggy bank! As soon as he grabs it, he starts biting it! He tries to eat the piggy bank! Like, he is really going to town on this thing. He's chewing and drooling all over it. Not getting a mouthful of flesh, Zombie Marcus pushes the piggy bank away in disgust and climbs down the ladder in search of real flesh. The Yardies boo as Marcus sees Donnie on the mat and grabs his ankle. The Zombie lifts the foot and inadvertently locks in an ankle lock as he tries biting through Donnie's boot! Harris starts kicking the Zombie with his free foot and tries to crawl away as Marcus tries chewing through the boot. Harris manages to get to the ropes and uses the bottom one to pull himself under the rope and free of Marcus’ grip. Marcus looks confused until he sees Harris outside of the ring and gives chase.
He drops to the mat, rolls out of the ring and looks around. Marcus spies Harris and BRADDOCK fighting once more and lets loose a loud groan as he shambles towards them. The two stop fighting, and as silently coming to an agreement, walk away from the ring. They head towards the other wrestlers fighting in The Yard as Marcus shambles after them. The duo head towards SYNN, who just planted Strader with a D.D.T. in front of the Spanish announce table. Hector hands Victor some pesos, as if they were betting on the ladies fighting. SYNN goes to lift Veronica but sees Harris and BRADDOCK and the Zombie. She rushes past the living people and hits Marcus with a flying knee right in the chin!
Marcus falls to the ground to the dismay of the fans. SYNN gets booed as she starts directing traffic. She tells Harris and BRADDOCK to help her with Strader. They do, figuring one less person to deal with. The men lift Veronica up and the Outcast OCW trio go to Shield powerbomb Strader through the Spanish announce table. SYNN has Strader up and as the trio bring her down, Hector and Victor pull the table out of the way! Strader hits the grass hard as SYNN starts yelling at the luchadore brothers. They yell back at SYNN saying it's THEIR table and to back off. ~
Dean: The Malvados being very protective of the S.A.T., sucka.
Zybala: I think we may not see the table get broken.
Dean: A wrestling rarity!
Zybala: As is an Outsiders show without a THREENOOOOO! from Mitch.
Dean: You just had to work that in, didn't ya?
Zybala: Yup.
~ Allton has moved away from Marshall, Axis and Drake. Far away. He's gone into the house. Axis doesn't care as he spots a nearby ladder. He picks it up and throws it at Terry and Drake, knocking them over! Axis quickly grabs the same ladder and books it towards the ring. Drake and Marshall push each other, trying to get up while trying to keep the other down. SYNN notices Axis and cup-checks BRADDOCK and Harris as she dashes towards the ring.
Axis is now in the ring, setting up his ladder, ignoring the original ladder,and starts to climb! SYNN slides in the ring and picks up the downed ladder. She looks at Axis making his way towards the plastic piggy, about halfway up, and yeets the ladder right at his side! Axis drops to the mat on his feet, holding his side and almost trips over the ladder that just hit him. SYNN quickly grabs Axis and hits a side Russian leg sweep onto the ladder! Axis is writhing in pain, holding the back of his head as SYNN stands, shaking her arm which got caught between the ladder and Axis’ neck. Makes one wonder why people keep using the damn move. With Axis down and the rest of the field outside of the ring, SYNN seizes the moment. She repositions the ladder Axis was using to have a straight shot at the piggy and starts climbing!
Rung by rung, the excitement builds in The Yards as SYNN climbs. She is almost there when a dodgeball nails her right in the face! She is caught off guard and sways off-balance. She teeters and the ladder teeters with her as they both fall into the ropes. SYNN leans against the ropes as Allton is quick to get in the ring and quickly hits her with a L.A.G. Punch! SYNN falls to the mat and out of the ring as Allton grabs the leaning ladder and stands it back up. Before Allton starts to climb, he starts hitting the steps of the ladder with his hand as if checking the integrity of the ladder. ~
Zybala: Allton showing his Outsiders experience by actually checking to see if the ladder is Hazardous.
Dean: Did you actually put any out there?
Zybala: You will just have to find out.
Dean: That's why I love ya, sucka!
~ Satisfied with the structural integrity, Allton is about to climb the ladder when he is met with Donnie Harris’ Ride the Lightning to the face!! The jumping Shining Wizard takes down the former champ! Harris quickly gets back to his feet and turns to climb the ladder, but gets taken down by a Mansfield’s Curse (Meathook Clothesline), courtesy of BRADDOCK! The Yardies cheer and boo as the champ of that other OCW starts to climb the ladder. Drake and Marshall both slide in and try climbing the ladder at the same time, pushing at each other to try to cut BRADDOCK off. Terry takes a step back before swinging a spinning Polish Hammer at Drake! Drake ducks and Marshall hits the side of the ladder! He starts shaking his hands in pain as Drake pushes past him and up the ladder.
BRADDOCK is looking at the piggy bank with disgust as the drool from Zombie Marcus is still coating it. However, he then notices Drake climbing the ladder and decides to ignore the saliva. He spins the piggy to try and find the latch but is cut off by Drake who pushes the piggy bank into BRADDOCK's face. This unbalances BRADDOCK but he still hangs onto the top of the ladder. He regains his balance and is about to swing at Drake when Terry starts pushing the ladder. Drake starts kicking down, trying to hit the better Marshall brother, but Terry keeps pushing, toppling the ladder over! Drake and BRADDOCK go flying over the top rope through a table! The Yardies let loose loud “OUT-SIDE-ERS!’ and “HOLY SHIT!” chants as Drake and BRADDOCK hit the lawn hard and roll in agony in the debris of the table. The Malvados can be heard exclaiming loudly in Spanish. ~
Zybala: Where the hell did that table come from!?!
Dean: Probably TPW.
Zybala: I don't mean where did we “borrow” it from. Why was it set up!?
Dean: I think Axis did it, sucka.
~ Axis is the most likely suspect as we can see him digging under the ring. He emerges empty handed when he hears the crash of the table behind him. Axis looks around to see Terry alone in the ring, setting up the ladder once more. He slides in the ring, pushes over the ladder and gets in Terry's face. The two are about to start fighting when a loud crash is heard through The Yard! Everyone turns towards the noise and we see a large white van has plowed through the wooden fence! Damn Florida drivers.
Zybala sighs and starts to get up, hopefully the driver has insurance, when the van doors open and out comes The A-List Family! Dylan Thomas, Tank, Frankie and Vincenzo run in The Yard and over to the ring. Dylan and Frankie grab Drake as Tank hoists up BRADDOCK and Vincenzo picks up SYNN. They throw the wrestlers in the van before turning back to face Strader, who tells them she's had enough of Zybala's shenanigans and asks for a ride. Dylan bows low and extends his arm to the van. Veronica hops in, muttering about “crazy Zybala ideas.” Dylan then looks at Matt Knox, who puts his T-bone steaks on a plate and starts to cut into them. Respecting the meat, Dylan leaves Knox be.
Terry, seeing that Axis is distracted, nails him in the head with Thunder Struck from behind! Axis falls to the mat and Marshall starts to roll him out of the ring. He whistles at The Family and points to the downed Axis on the grass. Tank shrugs as he goes back to the ring. The giant of a man (because Rob has a thing about making 7 foot and taller characters solely for Outsiders), and lifts Axis up from the ground, slinging him over his shoulder. Tank goes back to the van and tosses Axis in. The Family gets back in the van, and drives out of The Yard. ~
Dean: Now we know why SuckaLord was in the house. He called his boys to help him
Zybala: Even as a good guy, Allton still has some devious intentions.
Dean: This gotta be our first kidnapping…
Zybala: With our roster, it was only a matter of time…
~ With the kidnapping, we are down to Allton, Marshall, Harris and Zombie Marcus. I mean, there's Knox, but he's too busy eating. We get that. T-bones are expensive and you don't wanna let them get cold and ruin it by reheating. Anyways, Marshall is still in the ring and starts to set up the ladder when he sees Marcus shambling back towards the ring. Marshall ignores him and starts to climb the ladder. Seeing the ladder and Marshall seems to trigger something in Marcus’ brain and that wrestling trigger flips again. His movements are more life-like now as he runs into the ring and yanks Terry off of the ladder. Perhaps it's the wrestler's instinct. Perhaps it's seeing his old S.E.X. foe. Yes, he saw Terry earlier, but who really knows how a zombie brain works.
Whatever the reason, Marcus Ka'Derrion begins to shine through as he starts hammering Terry with stiff rights and lefts, driving Terry back into a corner. Marcus continues his onslaught with kicks to the legs and body and head punches. He's so focused on Terry that he doesn't notice Allton running in with a Stinger Splash, crushing Marshall and Marcus! Allton turns around just in time to see a charging Harris and dives out of the way! Zombie Marcus and Terry get crushed again, this time by Harris! Marcus crumbles to the mat as Terry slumps in the corner. Harris climbs the turnbuckles behind Terry and sits on the top rope. He grabs Terry in a reverse D.D.T. position headlock and flips forward! But since “Thundering” Terry Marshall is immune from anything Thunder, Harris's Thunder Crash attempt is countered into an atomic drop from Marshall!
Harris staggers forwards, holding his lower back side and goes to lean against the ropes. Terry, a bit tired and hurt, runs at Donnie with a clothesline. Harris ducks at the last second, pulling the top rope down and Terry goes flying over to the grass below! Donnie stands up, just to finally get clotheslined by Allton, sending them both next to Marshall! Marcus is out on the mat! The Yardies are on their feet, cheering the action and trying to rally the wrestlers! Allton is first to his feet and smiles devilishly. He's up to something. He climbs on the ring apron, lifts both arms in the air while pointing to the sky. Allton then leaps off with a flying elbow right onto Terry's chest!!
Marshall immediately starts shaking and rolls over to get up on his knees. Allton gives him a shot to the head, which does nothing as Terry is Thundering Up and gets to his feet!! Allton slaps Terry in the face and Marshall responds by pointing at Allton while the fans shout “YOU!” Allton shows mock panic and starts to retreat up The Yard. Terry gives chase as Allton seems to have a leg injury! He limps away as Terry gets closer and closer. Marshall catches up to Allton right in front of the Spanish Announce Table and hits him with a stiff right. Doing his best over dramatic soccer player impression, Allton takes a dramatic bump backwards, putting himself through the table!! ~
Dean: Oh come on! That was so blatant. Why did SuckaLord even do that? There's no yellow or red card in Outsiders!
Zybala: Because he wanted to piss off The Malvados. The Hall of Famers look ready to go!
~ Hector and Victor look at the table and Allton, rolling around in “pain” then at Terry, who acts offended at the blatant dive. The Malvados then attack Terry Marshall for “breaking” their table. Terry starts fighting back and security (well, Lucas Thames and The Mariachi Band) rush in to try and separate them. Allton peaks an eye open and sees the kerfuffle. He then gets up and makes his way back to the ring. He slides under the bottom rope and as he stands, Allton quickly drops to his belly, narrowly avoiding a spinning Black Mass kick from Harris! Allton gets up to his feet, unloading a L.A.G. Punch as he does, but it's Harris’ turn to dodge! The pair start striking at each other and dodging, looking like a low budget karate flick. The Yardies, as they usually do, eat it up and act like it's Daniel Bryan at WrestleMania 30!
Allton takes a backstep to avoid another kick from Harris when something grabs his leg! Allton looks down and sees Zombie Marcus trying to gnaw on his appendage! But something isn't right. Marcus is biting but not getting any sweet, sweet, flesh. Allton smirks as Marcus looks up at him confused. The Lord of Dashing pulls up his pant leg, revealing the metal leg braces! Marcus, however, tries to bite the leg again, thinking the pants were the problem. After getting another mouth full of metal, Marcus pushes Allton's leg away and slowly gets to his feet. He starts to shamble towards Harris, who merely sidesteps the Zombie before grabbing him and throwing Marcus out of the ring!
Allton uses the distraction to lift Harris over the ropes, sending him to the grass as well! Alone in the ring, Allton grabs one of the ladders and sets it up under the piggy bank. As he starts climbing, Terry Marshall starts running back to the ring, having broken free of security and The Malvados. He slides in the ring and climbs the opposite side of the ladder and quickly meets Allton at the top. They start duking it out while simultaneously trying to get the piggy for themselves. Harris is slow to his feet but pulls himself into the ring and grabs the second ladder and climbs up. Terry and Allton see this and try pushing the ladder next to them over, but Harris hooks his arm to hold both ladders together, making it so his ladder won't tip over. Harris climbs to the top and all three men start fighting. They don't notice Zombie Marcus getting back in the ring! ~
Dean: It could be any suckas piggy bank now! The remaining four wrestlers are in the ring!
Zybala: But what will Marcus do? He's shown some glimpses of his old self, but the rest of the time he's been just a regular zombie.
Dean: You still got the shotgun ready?
Zybala: Always.
~ Marcus starts climbing the ladder and gets near the feet of Terry Marshall Terry starts kicking at Marcus as the Zombie starts biting Terry's thigh! Terry gets distracted by teeth actually on his flesh in the non-kinky way. Allton takes the moment to L.A.G. Punch Marshall! Marshall starts to fall backwards, but unfortunately for Allton and Harris, Marshall was lifting the piggy bank from the hook!! The piggy bank falls loose from Terry's arms as he falls from the ladder, taking Marcus with him. Marshall hits the mat in a heap as Donnie and Allton hop down from the ladders to get at the loose piggy bank!
Both men land at the same time and look all over the ring for the piggy, ignoring Marcus who is laying on the mat and groaning “argh rgh aaarrrg.” Donnie and Allton both see the piggy and make a break for it. Harris has the lead but as soon as the piggy touches his finger tips, Allton slides and kicks the piggy bank out of the ring! Allton gets up and Harris is right in his face and headbutts the Lord of Dashing! Allton staggers back, and Harris reaches to grab Allton's head, but the former champ answers by grabbing the hand and dropping backwards, giving Harris a monkey flip!! Donnie does a somersault as he lands, managing to roll to his feet! He spins, setting himself for a quick snap kick, only to find Allton prepared in the superkick position. The two men stare each other down, as the crowd cheers!!~
Dean: Why aren't they going for the piggy?! Don't just stare at each other!
Zybala: It's about pride! Harris recognizes Allton as being one of the top dogs of The Yard and he wants to show that he can beat The Lord of Dashing.
Dean: Sucka, don't lie. It's about you wanting to pad the word count.
Zybala: That too.
~ The two wrestlers straighten up, neither willing to try a kick when the other is prepared. They step in at each other instead, locking up, with Harris managing to whip Allton towards the ladder. Allton hops on the second rung and leaps off onto Harris with a crossbody! Harris falls backwards with Allton on top of him! Allton rolls off of Harris and gets to his feet quickly. Harris also is fast to rise, and gets met with a rare Allton superkick for his trouble! Harris is back on the mat as The Yardies cheer their Lord of Dashing. Allton starts looking for the piggy bank when a loud “ARGH ARRR!” distracts him!
He turns to see a now standing Zombie Marcus! The undead wrestler charges at Allton, who sidesteps and pushes Marcus through the ropes and out of the ring! Allton starts looking around for the piggy bank when the bell rings! A cheer goes throughout the crowd as Allton's eyes widen in horror and realization! He goes to the ropes and sees that he accidentally threw Marcus right on top of the piggy bank! The Zombie sits up holding the piggy bank, trying to chew on it once again as a nearby Mitch points to the Zombie from a safe distance. ~
Belvedere: Here is your winner and holder of the Loose Change in the Pocket contract…. ZOMBIE MARCUS!!
Dean: Damn, I didn't see that one comin’, sucka.
Zybala: After a hard-hitting match, we finally have a winner.
Dean: And SuckaLord ain't happy about it.
~ Allton is livid! He picks up a ladder and throws it from the ring before grabbing the other and starts smashing the ring apron with it in frustration. The ladder falls apart in his hands as this was a delayed Hazardous ladder. It's my show, I can write what bullshit I want. Our last shot is of The Malvados holding a net and a control pole. The thing animal control workers use. They quickly roundup Marcus who is now nuzzling the drool drenched piggy bank as the scene, and show, fade to black. ~
The ring is set up with extra features this week. Dean and Zybala have brushed off the dust from the poles and extra ropes they used for The Ultimate X match at Dystopia: Double X and attached them to the ring! A big, plastic piggy bank is hanging in the center of the X. Ladders are laid all over The Yard. No rhyme or reason with their placement. If you want logic, Outsiders isn't the place for you. The Mariachi Band is playing the official Outsiders theme song, “Nowhere Generation.” The fans drunkenly sing along with all their hearts. The beautiful song speaks to them.
The refrigerator box/announcer table is standing proudly. Behind the "table" is the original Outsider Dean and the man logic forgot, Mike Zybala. Both men look happy to be paired up again. But what is this? Across the lawn from the trust fridge box is another table! With microphones and a headset! What the actual fuck!! Are they betraying the box?!?! ~
Dean: Welcome back suckas to another episode of Dystopia! I'm Dean, and I'm joined by my buddy Mikey Z!
Zybala: Good to be back home Dean. Having shows at the OCW Arena and Strader Compound is great and all, but nothing beats being in The Yard!
Dean: Damn right, suckas! But we ain't gonna be alone in the match calling game any more!
~ The crowd murmurs. What is going on?? Is someone joining the duo? Did PIC finally accept our invite? ~
Zybala: That's right, folks! Please help Dean and I welcome….the newest members to the Outsiders staff….. our new Spanish color commentators…. The Hall of Famers…… THE MALVADO BROTHERS!!!
~ “Si señor" by Control Machete begins to play and shortly after the Malvado Brothers’ new lowrider pulls safely into The Yard. Can't scratch the paint. Hector is driving while Victor is bobbing his head to the music in the passenger seat. They park and Hector hits the horn, playing that sweet "La Cucaracha" tune. He then hits the switches, causing the lo-lo to bounce up and down and The Yardies to pop big time. Hector turns off the car and The Malvado Bros. jump out of the lo-lo wearing tuxedos style T-shirts and matching white masks with black spiral logo,
They hop down and walk over to Zybala and Dean and shake their hands before going over to the Spanish Announce Table. The Yardies go wild as a chant of "ZERO ENGLISH!" can be heard through the neighborhood by 200 screaming Outsiders. Hector nods his head to the chants, as Victor looks all emotional at the fans' love. The duo take their seats and don the headsets and immediately start talking in spanish. We kick it over to Belvedere who is standing in the ring, ready to start this wild circus.~
Belvedere: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to The Yard for another Dystopia! And welcome….to Loose Change in the Pocket!! Presented by all OCWs, PWA, and TPW!
~ The Yardies explode with cheers! A few shout out “Fuck SFW!” ~
Belvedere: First. We are sad to announce that Crash Rodriguez and Vhodka Black have missed their flight and won't be here tonight.
~ The fans boo at this news. ~[/b]
Belvedere: Moving on… Here are the rules of the match. The first one to gain full possession of the piggy bank will be declared the winner and have an open contract for any Outsiders title any time, any where!
Yardies: ONE FALL!!
Belvedere: But I didn't even… never mind… Introducing first….hailing from Huntington, West Virginia…. Weighing in at 311 pounds….. he is “THUNDERING” TERRY MARSHALL!!!
~ AC/DC's “Thunderstruck” blares over the speakers as a bunch of Oompa Loompa looking rip offs run out of the house, flanked by Terry Marshall. ~[/b]
Zybala: Terry has brought the Alex Marshalls with him!
Dean: Sucka, not everybody saw your Willy Wanka promo. Lots of fools are gonna be in the dark about this.
Zybala; Hmmmm…. Good point. I'll fix that in post.
~ The screen pauses as a link crosses your screen. thunderpro.freeforums.net/thread/1089/parody-avoid-lawsuit.
There you go. Now you know the history of the little people. Terry gets into the ring and the Marshalls go to sit at ringside. Terry smirks at how annoyed his brother will be at this. Belvedere continues.~
Belvedere: Coming to the ring next… From Dallas, Texas by way of Shreveport, Los Angeles…. weighing in at 240 pounds….. he is AXIS!!!
~. The acoustics of "Zombie" hits the speakers as Axis steps out of the house, doing his signature "Quadruple Horns" pose. Axis calmly yet menacingly walks across the lawn towards the ring. He looks up at the piggy bank as he steps in the ring and nods at Terry. The music stops. ~
Belvedere: Coming to the ring next…. standing at 6-foot-3-inches tall, weighing in at 228 pounds….. he is the Outsiders Streaming Service Champion……DONNIE HARRIS!!!
"You'll be cryin' like a bitch!"
~This line from the chorus of Godsmack's song blasts over the speakers before the song opens with its opening drumline. As soon as the lyrics start, Donnie slowly emerges from out of the house with the Streaming Services title around his waist. The fans boo Harris as he slowly starts walking across the lawn halfway into the first verse. Harris walks to the ring and jumps up onto the ring apron, moving through the ropes when Axis rushes in to attack him! Harris is booted in the head and falls from the apron to the grass!! Axis hops out of the ring to follow. ~
Dean: Well damn, sucka! Axis don't wanna wait for the others to get in the match!
Zybala: Axis might be feeling slighted after Texas Chainsaw Massacre where Harris used a less than legal chokehold to beat Axis and Fanny for the S.S. belt.
~ Belvedere continues as Axis lays the boots to Harris who is trying to get back to his feet. Terry looks over The Yard looking for the nearest ladder as the two fight outside of the ring. ~
Belvedere: Making his way to the ring next…. Standing at five feet, ten inches tall and weighing two hundred and fifty-one pounds…. He hails from Stockton, California and is the Outcast Championship Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion! He! Is! BRADDOCK!!!!
~ Drums pound in sync with grinding guitars as “Bonehead” by Naked City assaults the fans’ ear drums. BRADDOCK explodes from the house full of energy! He looks at the two men fighting and runs over swinging at both of them!! Axis and Harris try to swing back while still fighting each other! The fans are cheering because who doesn't like a good donnybrook, boys? Sorry, I've been rewatching Letterkenny. While the trio continues to fight, Belvedere pitter patters. ~
Belvedere: Coming to the ring next… he hails from Monterey, California…. Standing at 6 foot 6 and weighing 243…. This is MATT KNOX!!
~ The Malvados stand up and head to the garage as “Hell Broke Luce” by Tom Waits hits the speakers. Matt Knox walks into The Yard holding a shopping bag. He looks at the action before making his way over to the grill manned by Emilio. He makes idle chit chat before reaching into the bag and pulls out a couple of juicy looking T-bone steaks. Emilio pushes some burgers aside to make room for the superior meats. Belvedere “ahems” into the microphone, only for Knox to wave him off. Shrugging, Belvedere continues… ~
Belvedere: Coming to the ring next hailing from Miami, Florida…. Standing at 6 foot 2 inches and weighing 220…. This is ZOMBIE MARCUS!!!
~ The song “Zombie” by The Cranberries begins to play, causing Axia to stop fighting and look confused. He's already in the match. A couple of zoo handlers come out pushing a hand truck that Zombie Marcus is strapped to... Wait a minute!! Those aren’t zoo handlers, they are The Malvado brothers dressed in uniforms! The crowd, who by now has gotten to their feet, cheer loudly as The Brothers carefully undo the straps, releasing Marcus. He promptly stumbles away from the hand truck and makes his way to the ring, zig zagging and playfully trying to take a bite out of some of The Yardies. He stumbles under the bottom rope and right away chases after Belvedere, who jumps out of the ring, scared to death.
Marcus turns towards Terry, but looks around at The Yardies who are chanting "Zombie Marcus!", clapping, repeating. That seems to calm him down, he then looks at The Malvados who make their way back to the Spanish announce table after taking their zoo uniforms off. He then turns his attention to his opponents outside of the ring. This guy has no attention span. BRADDOCK, Axis and Harris stop fighting and just stare at Marcus. They start arguing about the validity of an actual zombie. Terry is leaning against the ropes, doing nothing but watching. ~
Dean: You got your shotgun, right??
Zybala: Dude, we run a backyard wrestling company in FLORIDA! Of course I have my shotgun!
Dean: What about stakes?
Zybala: That's for vampires.
Dean: Sucka! Shit’s getting real! Especially after that Sadie Ko ghost bitch!
Zybala: Speaking of getting real, here comes SYNN and Eric Drake without an entrance!
~ Drake and SYNN run from the side of The Yard holding a ladder! They use it to hit the three confused wrestlers from behind! Axis, Harris and BRADDOCK go down as Knox flips his steaks over on the grill. Drake and SYNN start putting the boots to the trio as Marcus shambles from the ring and starts trying to bite everyone in sight! The three on the ground start kicking at Marcus’ shins as SYNN and Drake hit him on the head with the ladder! The Zombie drops and rolls away to catch his bre… I mean, recover. Zombies don't breathe. Belvedere, used to the weirdness of Outsiders, carries on. ~
Belvedere: And their opponent… hailing from The Midlands of England…. Weighing in at 11 stones… he is an Outsiders triple crown champion….. this is LOOOOORD ALLLLTOOON!!!!
~ The Faithful goes wild as The Who's "Real Good Looking Boy" hits the speakers and Lord Allton comes wheeling out into The Yard in his motorized wheelchair. He speeds across the lawn as fast as the chair can go and hits the brakes hard, sending him flying from the chair right into SYNN and Drake! They all fall on top of the trio on the ground, who get crushed by the people and the ladder. Allton starts throwing rights and his more dominant lefts at anyone he can while everyone tries to push each other away from them while trying to fight back. ~
Belvedere: And finally….. last to the ring …. She hails from the Strader Compound and has advised us not to list her weight…. She is VERONICA STRADER!!!!
~ Zybala, not even bothering to look up Veronica's profile, hits random on his playlist. “Your Daddy Don't Know” by Toronto hits and Strader comes out of the house and immediately walks over to Zybala. She channels her inner Dre (there's your fourth wall break, good buddy) and starts yelling at Zybala for being too lazy to check the PWA and OCW websites. Zybala counters with he's been busy with getting his house ready for the baby. Seriously, allow me to vent. I have an older house and my wife wants new ceiling panels, to replace the ceiling light, and new flooring to make the room nice for the baby. I'm not saying she's wrong. Home repairs and updates are just a pain in the ass, especially when you do them yourself.
Anyways, Zybala just points at the ring and Veronica, because Dre is a father and can sympathize, also sympathizes. She walks towards the ring and side steps the fighting people and goes in the ring. She starts having a polite conversation with Terry Marshall. Mitch, who has been sitting off to the side the whole time, calls for the bell! Belvedere leaves the ring as Terry interrupts his conversation by hoisting Strader up with a gorilla press and throws her at the fighting group outside of the ring! Terry looks at the cluster of bodies outside of the ring, then up at the piggy bank. ~
Dean: And this match is finally underway, sucka!
Zybala: And Terry Marshall is alone in the ring! He needs to find a ladder!
Dean: I don't think that's what he's thinking about, Mikey. Big man may be looking to fly!
~ Terry looks at his opponents before he starts a slow clap which the fans pick up. Terry hits the ropes to build up momentum and runs at his rising opponents. When he gets near the ropes, he slows down and steps through them. With his back facing the lawn, Terry jumps on the bottom rope, bounces off and lands on the ring apron again. He then turns around and spreads his arms wide as he falls on the other wrestlers on the lawn, knocking almost everyone down once again! Matt Knox looks up from the grill and raises a beer in salute to the “high risk” maneuver. Terry stands up and starts beating his own chest acting as if he hit a 630 moonsault. The Yardies, of course, egg him on like it was the greatest thing ever.
After celebrating, Terry starts looking under the ring for a ladder. He finds one and starts to pull. He struggles as he pulls but manages to drag it out. The Yardies cheer when they see why Terry struggled. Zombie Marcus was on the ladder! Terry drops the ladder and backs away as Marcus shambles to his feet. The Zombie starts to follow Terry, who walks around the ring, always keeping the Zombie in his eyesight. Terry walks past the Alex Marshalls and gets an idea. He grabs one of the little people and tries to offer him to Marcus. Marcus stops and cocks his head to the side. Terry tries to sell the idea of “smaller means easy to eat.” The Oompa Loompa ripoff starts yelling about Terry not paying them enough. Zombie Marcus seems to agree with Terry as he sets his undead eyes on the Alex Marshalls, who shriek and run away across The Yard with Zombie Marcus giving chase. ~
Dean: And the Zombie goes chasing after the People McNuggets!
Zybala: DUDE!
Dean: Sucka, I'm a NPC in a fake game about a scripted sport. Ain't nobody canceling me!
Zybala: Still!
~ Everyone seems to have broken up into little groups to fight. BRADDOCK and Donnie Harris have managed to get back in the ring to continue brawling. SYNN and Strader are trading blows outside of the ring as some idiot fans shout “cat fight!” Eric Drake and Lord Allton are fighting in the crowd. Axis runs after Terry Marshall, tackling him to the grass. Zombie Marcus is still chasing the little people. Matt Knox is making sure to get that nice, juicy pink center in his steak.
Strader and SYNN make their way across The Yard exchanging blows as they get near the port-o-potties. SYNN gets a small advantage when she ducks a wild punch from Veronica. She grabs the 182nd Strader, 34th of her name, and whips her into one of the portable crappers. Roni hits the plastic hard and bounces back into the waiting arms of SYNN, who grabs her current foe's head and starts bouncing it off of the port-o-potty. The plastic isn't hurting that much, but it does hurt as Strader looks a bit disoriented. SYNN drags Strader to the front of the toilet domicile and opens the door. She's about to throw Veronica into the structure, but Strader realizes what the structure is and starts freaking out!
Like a total PTSD moment. Strader has NOT had a good history with port-o-potties. Super long story. She gets a rush of adrenaline and terror and starts punching and kicking and thrashing around. She does NOT want to go into another port-o-potty. Strader plants her feet and throws SYNN in the port-o-potty instead! SYNN goes into the structure but quickly turns around to prevent Strader from closing the door. Both ladies push on the door, one trying to close it while the other wants out. A fan goes to the port-o-potty next to them and enters. The ladies still fight for a moment before a weird look crosses both their faces. SYNN starts to sniff and looks disgusted as Veronica backs away gagging. They both run away from the toilets with tears in their eyes. ~
Zybala: Apparently whoever is in there is having some nasty shit as it scared away two of our fighters.
Dean: Just one of the dangers of having an outdoors show, sucka. I'm honestly surprised it took this long for a toilet gag.
Zybala: Speaking of outdoor dangers, Allton and Drake are getting close to the grills.
~ That is indeed what is happening as Drake and your handler and mine get dangerously close to the grills. Knox raises an eyebrow as he grabs a glowing piece of charcoal with the tongs and waves it as a warning towards the fighting men. Allton grabs Drake's head and actually tries to push it towards the burning coal. Drake starts to sweat as he slowly gets closer when Knox pulls the coal away, not wanting to physically scar someone while cooking. Grillers have a code of conduct after all. Allton is not so caring as he tries to push Drake's head onto the grill! Knox, who was blasé about the match, gets angry as his steaks are in danger of being ruined. He grabs the grill and rolls it away in a huff, with some fans following. Emilio was cooking on the same grill.
Drake takes the moment to hop up with an enziguri to kick a distracted Allton in the head. Allton staggers back dazed as Drake looks around for something to use as a weapon. A few fans offer him a chair and he goes to grab one. Before he turns around, Allton is there behind him locking in a sleeper hold! Drake struggles against it as he tries to find a way to hit Allton with the chair but can't without hitting himself. Drake lifts the chair up above him with the round, blunt head down and drops it. He takes a quick step forward and the chair drops on top of Allton's head! Allton releases the sleeper to hold the top of his head. He keeps checking for blood as Drake tackles him to the ground! Let's check on someone else for a second.
Our P.O.V. smash cuts to Axis and Marshall who are still fighting on the grass. Axis has just been hip tossed onto the grass. Marshall is waiting for him to get up and when he does, the two men meet and resume their exchange of lefts and rights. The crowd is all cheers in this section as neither man is giving an inch. Terry eventually begins to get the upper hand and starts driving Axis back across the lawn . Terry grabs Axis and whips him towards the ring but Axis reverses and sends Terry towards the direction of the grills! Marshall collides with Allton and Drake and the trio stagger but remain standing. That is until Axis charges and drops them with a spear, and all four fall to the grass!! ~
Zybala: Action is all over the place tonight!
Dean: Damn straight, sucka! Maybe we made a mistake booking this many people.
Zybala: Who cares?! The fans love it!
~ We cut to BRADDOCK, who has just dropped Harris with an inverted suplex and leaves the ring. He grabs a ladder and brings it into the ring. He sets it up under the piggy bank and starts climbing. BRADDOCK is about halfway up when Harris gets to his feet and starts pushing the ladder over! BRADDOCK hops down as the ladder falls on the top rope. Harris goes to attack his Outcast for and the two champions are locked in combat once more! They push against one another in a collar and elbow, trying to gain an advantage but they are roughly the same strength. Harris swiftly kicks BRADDOCK in the shin and locks him up for a suplex. He lifts the Outcast champ up and drops him stomach-first on the downed ladder. BRADDOCK grips his midsection in pain as Harris pushes him out of the ring and picks up the ladder.
He sets up the ladder and starts his ascent! He gets to the top when he feels the ladder start to wobble. Harris looks down and sees a bunch of the midgets running under the ladder and Zombie Marcus in the ring. He is confused by the ladder as the Alex Marshalls run under it and he stops. Marcus pushes the ladder gently and tries to bite it, but it doesn't taste like human so he stops. Harris shouts at him to stop, which causes Marcus to look up. A switch seems to click in his brain, a moment of clarity if you will and The Zombie starts to climb the ladder! Harris sees this and fumbles to grab the piggy bank. He palms it, sending it swinging as Marcus climbs to the top!
Marcus takes a swing at Harris, who reciprocates in kind. The two duke it out on the ladder as Marcus starts to get the upper hand. A solid right staggers Harris, which Marcus follows up by grabbing Harris by the head and slamming it onto the top of the ladder! Harris is still holding on! Marcus slams Donnie's head on the top step of the ladder once more, and Harris falls to the mat! The fans cheer as Zombie Marcus is all alone on the ladder! ~
Zybala: Marcus is gonna do it! No one is there to stop him!
Dean: I cant believe a zombie is gonna win! I think we've officially jumped the shark in Outsiders!
~ Zombie Marcus reaches out for the piggy bank! As soon as he grabs it, he starts biting it! He tries to eat the piggy bank! Like, he is really going to town on this thing. He's chewing and drooling all over it. Not getting a mouthful of flesh, Zombie Marcus pushes the piggy bank away in disgust and climbs down the ladder in search of real flesh. The Yardies boo as Marcus sees Donnie on the mat and grabs his ankle. The Zombie lifts the foot and inadvertently locks in an ankle lock as he tries biting through Donnie's boot! Harris starts kicking the Zombie with his free foot and tries to crawl away as Marcus tries chewing through the boot. Harris manages to get to the ropes and uses the bottom one to pull himself under the rope and free of Marcus’ grip. Marcus looks confused until he sees Harris outside of the ring and gives chase.
He drops to the mat, rolls out of the ring and looks around. Marcus spies Harris and BRADDOCK fighting once more and lets loose a loud groan as he shambles towards them. The two stop fighting, and as silently coming to an agreement, walk away from the ring. They head towards the other wrestlers fighting in The Yard as Marcus shambles after them. The duo head towards SYNN, who just planted Strader with a D.D.T. in front of the Spanish announce table. Hector hands Victor some pesos, as if they were betting on the ladies fighting. SYNN goes to lift Veronica but sees Harris and BRADDOCK and the Zombie. She rushes past the living people and hits Marcus with a flying knee right in the chin!
Marcus falls to the ground to the dismay of the fans. SYNN gets booed as she starts directing traffic. She tells Harris and BRADDOCK to help her with Strader. They do, figuring one less person to deal with. The men lift Veronica up and the Outcast OCW trio go to Shield powerbomb Strader through the Spanish announce table. SYNN has Strader up and as the trio bring her down, Hector and Victor pull the table out of the way! Strader hits the grass hard as SYNN starts yelling at the luchadore brothers. They yell back at SYNN saying it's THEIR table and to back off. ~
Dean: The Malvados being very protective of the S.A.T., sucka.
Zybala: I think we may not see the table get broken.
Dean: A wrestling rarity!
Zybala: As is an Outsiders show without a THREENOOOOO! from Mitch.
Dean: You just had to work that in, didn't ya?
Zybala: Yup.
~ Allton has moved away from Marshall, Axis and Drake. Far away. He's gone into the house. Axis doesn't care as he spots a nearby ladder. He picks it up and throws it at Terry and Drake, knocking them over! Axis quickly grabs the same ladder and books it towards the ring. Drake and Marshall push each other, trying to get up while trying to keep the other down. SYNN notices Axis and cup-checks BRADDOCK and Harris as she dashes towards the ring.
Axis is now in the ring, setting up his ladder, ignoring the original ladder,and starts to climb! SYNN slides in the ring and picks up the downed ladder. She looks at Axis making his way towards the plastic piggy, about halfway up, and yeets the ladder right at his side! Axis drops to the mat on his feet, holding his side and almost trips over the ladder that just hit him. SYNN quickly grabs Axis and hits a side Russian leg sweep onto the ladder! Axis is writhing in pain, holding the back of his head as SYNN stands, shaking her arm which got caught between the ladder and Axis’ neck. Makes one wonder why people keep using the damn move. With Axis down and the rest of the field outside of the ring, SYNN seizes the moment. She repositions the ladder Axis was using to have a straight shot at the piggy and starts climbing!
Rung by rung, the excitement builds in The Yards as SYNN climbs. She is almost there when a dodgeball nails her right in the face! She is caught off guard and sways off-balance. She teeters and the ladder teeters with her as they both fall into the ropes. SYNN leans against the ropes as Allton is quick to get in the ring and quickly hits her with a L.A.G. Punch! SYNN falls to the mat and out of the ring as Allton grabs the leaning ladder and stands it back up. Before Allton starts to climb, he starts hitting the steps of the ladder with his hand as if checking the integrity of the ladder. ~
Zybala: Allton showing his Outsiders experience by actually checking to see if the ladder is Hazardous.
Dean: Did you actually put any out there?
Zybala: You will just have to find out.
Dean: That's why I love ya, sucka!
~ Satisfied with the structural integrity, Allton is about to climb the ladder when he is met with Donnie Harris’ Ride the Lightning to the face!! The jumping Shining Wizard takes down the former champ! Harris quickly gets back to his feet and turns to climb the ladder, but gets taken down by a Mansfield’s Curse (Meathook Clothesline), courtesy of BRADDOCK! The Yardies cheer and boo as the champ of that other OCW starts to climb the ladder. Drake and Marshall both slide in and try climbing the ladder at the same time, pushing at each other to try to cut BRADDOCK off. Terry takes a step back before swinging a spinning Polish Hammer at Drake! Drake ducks and Marshall hits the side of the ladder! He starts shaking his hands in pain as Drake pushes past him and up the ladder.
BRADDOCK is looking at the piggy bank with disgust as the drool from Zombie Marcus is still coating it. However, he then notices Drake climbing the ladder and decides to ignore the saliva. He spins the piggy to try and find the latch but is cut off by Drake who pushes the piggy bank into BRADDOCK's face. This unbalances BRADDOCK but he still hangs onto the top of the ladder. He regains his balance and is about to swing at Drake when Terry starts pushing the ladder. Drake starts kicking down, trying to hit the better Marshall brother, but Terry keeps pushing, toppling the ladder over! Drake and BRADDOCK go flying over the top rope through a table! The Yardies let loose loud “OUT-SIDE-ERS!’ and “HOLY SHIT!” chants as Drake and BRADDOCK hit the lawn hard and roll in agony in the debris of the table. The Malvados can be heard exclaiming loudly in Spanish. ~
Zybala: Where the hell did that table come from!?!
Dean: Probably TPW.
Zybala: I don't mean where did we “borrow” it from. Why was it set up!?
Dean: I think Axis did it, sucka.
~ Axis is the most likely suspect as we can see him digging under the ring. He emerges empty handed when he hears the crash of the table behind him. Axis looks around to see Terry alone in the ring, setting up the ladder once more. He slides in the ring, pushes over the ladder and gets in Terry's face. The two are about to start fighting when a loud crash is heard through The Yard! Everyone turns towards the noise and we see a large white van has plowed through the wooden fence! Damn Florida drivers.
Zybala sighs and starts to get up, hopefully the driver has insurance, when the van doors open and out comes The A-List Family! Dylan Thomas, Tank, Frankie and Vincenzo run in The Yard and over to the ring. Dylan and Frankie grab Drake as Tank hoists up BRADDOCK and Vincenzo picks up SYNN. They throw the wrestlers in the van before turning back to face Strader, who tells them she's had enough of Zybala's shenanigans and asks for a ride. Dylan bows low and extends his arm to the van. Veronica hops in, muttering about “crazy Zybala ideas.” Dylan then looks at Matt Knox, who puts his T-bone steaks on a plate and starts to cut into them. Respecting the meat, Dylan leaves Knox be.
Terry, seeing that Axis is distracted, nails him in the head with Thunder Struck from behind! Axis falls to the mat and Marshall starts to roll him out of the ring. He whistles at The Family and points to the downed Axis on the grass. Tank shrugs as he goes back to the ring. The giant of a man (because Rob has a thing about making 7 foot and taller characters solely for Outsiders), and lifts Axis up from the ground, slinging him over his shoulder. Tank goes back to the van and tosses Axis in. The Family gets back in the van, and drives out of The Yard. ~
Dean: Now we know why SuckaLord was in the house. He called his boys to help him
Zybala: Even as a good guy, Allton still has some devious intentions.
Dean: This gotta be our first kidnapping…
Zybala: With our roster, it was only a matter of time…
~ With the kidnapping, we are down to Allton, Marshall, Harris and Zombie Marcus. I mean, there's Knox, but he's too busy eating. We get that. T-bones are expensive and you don't wanna let them get cold and ruin it by reheating. Anyways, Marshall is still in the ring and starts to set up the ladder when he sees Marcus shambling back towards the ring. Marshall ignores him and starts to climb the ladder. Seeing the ladder and Marshall seems to trigger something in Marcus’ brain and that wrestling trigger flips again. His movements are more life-like now as he runs into the ring and yanks Terry off of the ladder. Perhaps it's the wrestler's instinct. Perhaps it's seeing his old S.E.X. foe. Yes, he saw Terry earlier, but who really knows how a zombie brain works.
Whatever the reason, Marcus Ka'Derrion begins to shine through as he starts hammering Terry with stiff rights and lefts, driving Terry back into a corner. Marcus continues his onslaught with kicks to the legs and body and head punches. He's so focused on Terry that he doesn't notice Allton running in with a Stinger Splash, crushing Marshall and Marcus! Allton turns around just in time to see a charging Harris and dives out of the way! Zombie Marcus and Terry get crushed again, this time by Harris! Marcus crumbles to the mat as Terry slumps in the corner. Harris climbs the turnbuckles behind Terry and sits on the top rope. He grabs Terry in a reverse D.D.T. position headlock and flips forward! But since “Thundering” Terry Marshall is immune from anything Thunder, Harris's Thunder Crash attempt is countered into an atomic drop from Marshall!
Harris staggers forwards, holding his lower back side and goes to lean against the ropes. Terry, a bit tired and hurt, runs at Donnie with a clothesline. Harris ducks at the last second, pulling the top rope down and Terry goes flying over to the grass below! Donnie stands up, just to finally get clotheslined by Allton, sending them both next to Marshall! Marcus is out on the mat! The Yardies are on their feet, cheering the action and trying to rally the wrestlers! Allton is first to his feet and smiles devilishly. He's up to something. He climbs on the ring apron, lifts both arms in the air while pointing to the sky. Allton then leaps off with a flying elbow right onto Terry's chest!!
Marshall immediately starts shaking and rolls over to get up on his knees. Allton gives him a shot to the head, which does nothing as Terry is Thundering Up and gets to his feet!! Allton slaps Terry in the face and Marshall responds by pointing at Allton while the fans shout “YOU!” Allton shows mock panic and starts to retreat up The Yard. Terry gives chase as Allton seems to have a leg injury! He limps away as Terry gets closer and closer. Marshall catches up to Allton right in front of the Spanish Announce Table and hits him with a stiff right. Doing his best over dramatic soccer player impression, Allton takes a dramatic bump backwards, putting himself through the table!! ~
Dean: Oh come on! That was so blatant. Why did SuckaLord even do that? There's no yellow or red card in Outsiders!
Zybala: Because he wanted to piss off The Malvados. The Hall of Famers look ready to go!
~ Hector and Victor look at the table and Allton, rolling around in “pain” then at Terry, who acts offended at the blatant dive. The Malvados then attack Terry Marshall for “breaking” their table. Terry starts fighting back and security (well, Lucas Thames and The Mariachi Band) rush in to try and separate them. Allton peaks an eye open and sees the kerfuffle. He then gets up and makes his way back to the ring. He slides under the bottom rope and as he stands, Allton quickly drops to his belly, narrowly avoiding a spinning Black Mass kick from Harris! Allton gets up to his feet, unloading a L.A.G. Punch as he does, but it's Harris’ turn to dodge! The pair start striking at each other and dodging, looking like a low budget karate flick. The Yardies, as they usually do, eat it up and act like it's Daniel Bryan at WrestleMania 30!
Allton takes a backstep to avoid another kick from Harris when something grabs his leg! Allton looks down and sees Zombie Marcus trying to gnaw on his appendage! But something isn't right. Marcus is biting but not getting any sweet, sweet, flesh. Allton smirks as Marcus looks up at him confused. The Lord of Dashing pulls up his pant leg, revealing the metal leg braces! Marcus, however, tries to bite the leg again, thinking the pants were the problem. After getting another mouth full of metal, Marcus pushes Allton's leg away and slowly gets to his feet. He starts to shamble towards Harris, who merely sidesteps the Zombie before grabbing him and throwing Marcus out of the ring!
Allton uses the distraction to lift Harris over the ropes, sending him to the grass as well! Alone in the ring, Allton grabs one of the ladders and sets it up under the piggy bank. As he starts climbing, Terry Marshall starts running back to the ring, having broken free of security and The Malvados. He slides in the ring and climbs the opposite side of the ladder and quickly meets Allton at the top. They start duking it out while simultaneously trying to get the piggy for themselves. Harris is slow to his feet but pulls himself into the ring and grabs the second ladder and climbs up. Terry and Allton see this and try pushing the ladder next to them over, but Harris hooks his arm to hold both ladders together, making it so his ladder won't tip over. Harris climbs to the top and all three men start fighting. They don't notice Zombie Marcus getting back in the ring! ~
Dean: It could be any suckas piggy bank now! The remaining four wrestlers are in the ring!
Zybala: But what will Marcus do? He's shown some glimpses of his old self, but the rest of the time he's been just a regular zombie.
Dean: You still got the shotgun ready?
Zybala: Always.
~ Marcus starts climbing the ladder and gets near the feet of Terry Marshall Terry starts kicking at Marcus as the Zombie starts biting Terry's thigh! Terry gets distracted by teeth actually on his flesh in the non-kinky way. Allton takes the moment to L.A.G. Punch Marshall! Marshall starts to fall backwards, but unfortunately for Allton and Harris, Marshall was lifting the piggy bank from the hook!! The piggy bank falls loose from Terry's arms as he falls from the ladder, taking Marcus with him. Marshall hits the mat in a heap as Donnie and Allton hop down from the ladders to get at the loose piggy bank!
Both men land at the same time and look all over the ring for the piggy, ignoring Marcus who is laying on the mat and groaning “argh rgh aaarrrg.” Donnie and Allton both see the piggy and make a break for it. Harris has the lead but as soon as the piggy touches his finger tips, Allton slides and kicks the piggy bank out of the ring! Allton gets up and Harris is right in his face and headbutts the Lord of Dashing! Allton staggers back, and Harris reaches to grab Allton's head, but the former champ answers by grabbing the hand and dropping backwards, giving Harris a monkey flip!! Donnie does a somersault as he lands, managing to roll to his feet! He spins, setting himself for a quick snap kick, only to find Allton prepared in the superkick position. The two men stare each other down, as the crowd cheers!!~
Dean: Why aren't they going for the piggy?! Don't just stare at each other!
Zybala: It's about pride! Harris recognizes Allton as being one of the top dogs of The Yard and he wants to show that he can beat The Lord of Dashing.
Dean: Sucka, don't lie. It's about you wanting to pad the word count.
Zybala: That too.
~ The two wrestlers straighten up, neither willing to try a kick when the other is prepared. They step in at each other instead, locking up, with Harris managing to whip Allton towards the ladder. Allton hops on the second rung and leaps off onto Harris with a crossbody! Harris falls backwards with Allton on top of him! Allton rolls off of Harris and gets to his feet quickly. Harris also is fast to rise, and gets met with a rare Allton superkick for his trouble! Harris is back on the mat as The Yardies cheer their Lord of Dashing. Allton starts looking for the piggy bank when a loud “ARGH ARRR!” distracts him!
He turns to see a now standing Zombie Marcus! The undead wrestler charges at Allton, who sidesteps and pushes Marcus through the ropes and out of the ring! Allton starts looking around for the piggy bank when the bell rings! A cheer goes throughout the crowd as Allton's eyes widen in horror and realization! He goes to the ropes and sees that he accidentally threw Marcus right on top of the piggy bank! The Zombie sits up holding the piggy bank, trying to chew on it once again as a nearby Mitch points to the Zombie from a safe distance. ~
Belvedere: Here is your winner and holder of the Loose Change in the Pocket contract…. ZOMBIE MARCUS!!
Dean: Damn, I didn't see that one comin’, sucka.
Zybala: After a hard-hitting match, we finally have a winner.
Dean: And SuckaLord ain't happy about it.
~ Allton is livid! He picks up a ladder and throws it from the ring before grabbing the other and starts smashing the ring apron with it in frustration. The ladder falls apart in his hands as this was a delayed Hazardous ladder. It's my show, I can write what bullshit I want. Our last shot is of The Malvados holding a net and a control pole. The thing animal control workers use. They quickly roundup Marcus who is now nuzzling the drool drenched piggy bank as the scene, and show, fade to black. ~