Post by Influence 2: Electric Boogaloo on Apr 27, 2023 23:02:01 GMT -5
27 Hours Earlier
Yep, we’re still on that time traveling trip. Probably gonna have to retire that gimmick after this whole thing, you’re welcome. Regardless though, it is early morning and shuffling into the kitchen is Claudia Frost who is looking pretty rough in a long oversized Influence t-shirt. Her hair is all over the place, and without thinking she goes to the fridge and begins to chug the milk.
A sudden wave of panic hits Claudia as she’s mid-chug, probably remembering that her mother is in town and is on her way to scold Claudia for such behavior. However, just as Claudia is able to slam the milk down and shut the door there is nothing.
Nothing. No yelling, no mother.
Claudia’s eyes dart from side to side and slowly she begins to shuffle over towards the kitchen drawer where her cell phone is hiding. As quietly as humanly possible she slides open the drawer and reaches in for her phone with a wince, because at any moment now her mother is going to burst into this kitchen and start yelling. But still, nothing. Claudia goes right to the messages and unloads with a response to Delia. There’s even the ding, still no response. The silence is confusing
FROST: Mom?
There is still no response. Claudia lowers her phone down and shuffles out of the kitchen repeating her call.
FROST: Mom, are you there?
Still no response.
Just then in a complete jump scare Delia leaps out. Claudia stumbles backwards as if she just saw Ghostface or an actual good serial killer.
FROST: Oh my God you nearly gave me a heart attack! What are you doing here? You can’t be here. At any moment my mother is going to wake up and then we’re never going to be allowed to see each other again.
BLACK: So, you don’t know?
FROST: Know what?
Delia gives a look of disbelief.
BLACK: Wow, well let me do my best to summarize the past twenty four or so hours for you. About a day or so ago, Wrigley came up with this crazy notion that due to your father’s divorce agreement with your mom that the reason she’s been this way is because she’s been extremely lonely. I thought it was crazy too, but then he bought her flowers and sure enough they went on a date. They’ve been on that date ever since.
Claudia’s jaw is on the goddamned floor at this point. She is either utterly speechless or having a stroke.
BLACK: In fact, your mother told me I could return here this morning. I thought she would have told you this.
FROST: Do you know what this means?
Delia shrugs her shoulders.
FROST: We’re going to make it, Delia! We don’t have to break up! The world isn’t going to end! I can say ride or die once again! Holy shit!
There’s a bit of a wince from Claudia as she utters a swear word in the same reality that her mother exists, but once again there is no response from the Wicked Witch of the West. Delia and Clauida finally both realize what’s going on and give each other a long hug that generally you only see at the end of a hostage release situation.
FROST: You really smell, Deets.
BLACK: So do you.
The two don’t break the embrace, they just instead plug their noses as tears of joy stream down their faces. It is at this moment that the silence is broken by a ding on Claudia’s phone. This is followed by a ding on Delia’s phone. Followed by a number of dings, the two break their hug to check their phones.
BLACK: Holy shit, Wrigley…
FROST: …and mom are getting married!?
25 Hours Earlier.
We’re getting closer and closer now to the moment that kicked this whole thing off, but now it has taken a drastic and wild turn to the nearest Bed, Bath and Beyond store. Yep, we’re in hell now. But luckily hell is soon closing for good. Delia and Claudia are the ones bursting through the door now. Standing there with a smile on his face is Wrigley, he also has a massive stack of those 20% off coupons that everyone gets in their mail.
There’s no time to waste, Wrigley hands the stack of coupons over to Claudia.
WRIGLEY: Claudia, Deila. You need to buy everything on the list and use as many of these coupons as possible doing so, because in a couple of weeks this place is going to be gone and I’ll never get to save money again. Also, if you need a blender or two feel free to get yourselves one.
BLACK: Where did you get all of these coupons?
WRIGLEY: Five ex-wives, all of them shop at this nightmare of a place and all of them use my mailing address. I’ve thrown more of these away than I still have. I’ve got to run, I’ve got to get fitted for a tux.
Before Claudia is allowed to ask any questions, Wrigley up and disappears like a fart in the wind. And I use that metaphor because he probably farted on the way out. Delia and Claudia give each other a look.
20 Hours Earlier.
We’re getting really close now to magic time!
Claudia Frost sits in the changing room wearing the yellow dress that she’ll be wearing 20 hours from now, but is still deciding if it’s the right dress. What if she decided right now to go back to the light blue dress hanging up behind her? That might cause one of those paradoxes that causes everyone to die horrifically, right.
FROST: This is all incredibly insane, right? It’s not just me who is thinking about it. You know, it’s been such a whirlwind couple of days I haven’t even given much thought to actually defending my half of the OCW tag team championship belt against Bifford. At least I’m eating more than just carrots and celery sticks and I can actually get a workout in without passing out… so maybe, just maybe I will be able to drag Bifford back into the ring should he decide to tuck tail and run.
Maybe. Deets still thinks I need to hire a cult of my own to surround the ring and keep you from running away. But you know what, Biff? I don’t think you are going to run away. Deep down I think you’re the type of person that if given the choice you’ll step up to the plate. We brawled in the food court, we went back and forth and during that entire time I didn’t get the sense that you wanted to run then. Even if the point of that match was to escape the food court, you still stuck it out in order to bail out Alice Knight time and time again. Hide it behind a cloak, join a cult, get a ton of followers to deny it, but you’re not going to run from me. You want to pin me for my half of the title belt, you don’t want to leave any doubt that you’re top of the OCW tag team division.
But most of all… you want Alice Knight back. I’ve beaten her twice now, and she’d be wise to stay away until this is all over. Pin me and who knows, maybe she’ll see it’s all over and come on back to you. Bifford, you’ve been at this a long time, but I think you’re now only learning what it means to be a part of a tag team in this business. That empty feeling when your partner is not around, Biff? It’s never easy to get used to. For months now I have had that feeling, I have had the feeling that me and my best friend for life were falling apart, that the Influence would no longer exist.
Then all this insanity happened, a whirlwind that picked us all up like Dorothy and dropped us all in Oz. And for the first time in a long time, Delia and I no longer have that empty feeling. I heard your offer to me about getting a second chance and had that empty feeling gone on much longer, who knows? Maybe I would have taken that chance. But now, after all of this? There will be no Second Chance needed for me, not now, not ever. I’m taking that tag team title belt back from you and I’m handing it over to my ride or die.
Claudia stands up and reaches for the blue dress hanging up on the mirror behind her. She holds it in front of the eventual winner, yellow dress, and continues to shift between the two. The universe begins to shake, however, just then Delia pops out again scaring Claudia to near death.
BLACK: Can you believe we bought all of that stuff in just four hours? Holy shit, my mind is completely blown. Also, your mother’s having this wedding all turned into a TV show on TLC some… oh go with the yellow dress, you’ll match with the flowers better.
And besides, I think I ripped my blue dress already.
Delia Black just saved the universe, y’all.
FROST: This is all very weird, right? Wrigley choosing to marry my mother in order to save our world? There’s got to be something more to all of this.
BLACK: Yeah, they’ve been boinking constantly for days now. They’re so damn loud, too.
This causes Claudia to begin to gag at the thought of it all and that’ll take us back to the beginning of this whole thing, Delia and Claudia standing on either side of Wrigley on the small altar as the bride begins to approach. That is when Claudia leans over towards Delia and opens her mouth to say something
But, let’s just go ahead and fast forward through that. You’ve seen one wedding, you've seen them all, am I right?
The scene goes so fast that when it finally stops, Claudia is sitting on the couch back in the apartment. From the downed lights it appears to be at some point past midnight long after the wedding and the subsequent reception, and possible afterparty. The TV provides the only light in the room as Claudia flips through various channels, that is until for the third time in the past twenty four hours Delia pops up out of nowhere scaring Claudia once again. Delia slides over the top of the couch right down next to her best friend.
BLACK: Can’t sleep, huh?
FROST: I can’t believe my mother kicked me out of my bedroom in order to… yeah, I can’t even imagine what they’re doing right now.
BLACK: That’s why I keep the bunk beds, for situations just like this. But, I still call the top.
FROST: I’ll eventually make my way there.
Just then another door opens up and out walks Wrigley. Wrigley is not wearing his glasses, not wearing his suit, but at least has the decency to be wearing a robe and probably his socks too strides past the duo sitting on the couch into the kitchen. After a couple of moments, he returns with a popular sports drink that wouldn’t sponsor this part. Wrigley chugs down about half the bottle in a single sip and lets out a long deep sigh.
BLACK: How’s it going?
Wrigley is still out of breath and rests his hand on Delia’s shoulder.
WRIGLEY: I am tired, I am old and I need to go at least another round or two. She’s going to possibly kill if this keeps up. Did you know she was a dancer? So much flexibility, thankfully I haven’t pulled any muscles yet myself.
FROST: So gross.
WRIGLEY: You know what else helps? Blue Chew. I’ve almost gone through an entire pack this past week and I’m ready to go.
Sure enough, Wrigley holds up a packet of Blue Chew. Guess who paid to sponsor this whole segment. Wrigley chugs the rest of the sports drink and tosses the empty bottle at Claudia before he walks off back into the bedroom once again.
BLACK: Well, I think that wraps just about everything up.
FROST: I feel like we’re missing tying up a couple of loose ends.
BLACK: You think?
FROST: I just can’t put my finger on it, but yeah I think we’re definitely forgetting about something going on.
Claudia and Delia sit there in silence trying to figure things out.
BLACK: Want to watch Black Adam?
With that, we fade to black.