A River Runs Through Me (Craze Tite #2)

[Influence 2: Electric Boogaloo]

Flashback to March 26th, You Can Do It!

Delia Black lays on her back in the ring with the Craze championship title belt draped across her bloody and damaged body. Ring announcer Belvedere has something whispered into his ear from the Knife Man.

BELVEDERE: I have just been informed that OCWs GM is giving Delia Black ten minutes to rest…

Ten minutes to rest…

To rest…

Belvedere’s voice continues to echo as the scene switches to the backstage area where the newly crowned Craze Champion, Delia Black, hugs her title belt like a baby. Dried blood smears her face as the damage from the match can be seen. The OCW medical staff do what they can to stitch up or dress any wounds, there are even a couple of floor burns on her legs. Slowly, Delia lifts her head up from looking down at her new belt with tears in her eyes and a cigarette dangling from her lips she cracks a half smile.

BLACK: Fucking a, fucking a.

Her eyes drop back down towards her title belt as the staff continue to work to get her ready for the next match. Let’s return to the original timeline and how we got to that crazy wedding scene that hasn’t been explained just yet!

48 Hours Earlier.

A much healthier and cleaner Delia Black sits on an outside bench looking at her cell phone still, still waiting for that response from her best friend in the world, Claudia. Since she has been unable to get a hold of her tag team partner, she’s technically homeless and thus the bench. Impatiently, Delia puts her phone away without any answer.

BLACK: It’s been nearly twenty-four hours since I’ve heard anything from Claudia and I think I’m about to lose my mind here. Wrigley disappeared nearly twelve hours ago and I haven’t heard anything from him either. It’s like the whole band broke up and I’m stuck here waiting in limbo until the reunion world tour. Is this what Ringo felt like when the Beatles broke up? No, no way I’m only the drummer. I’m more of the co-lead singer, so maybe I’m Susanna Hoffs of the Bangles when they went away. Or one of the Gallagher brothers from Oasis, no no I have much better teeth.

Needless to say I’ve had a lot of time to Google things over the past day. Hell, I could be Slash or Kim Deal in all of this… it’s all so confusing at this point in the metaphor.

But I’ll tell you who I am in reality, Axis.. I’m Delia and it’s spelled D-E-L-I-A. Short for Cordelia, and if you’re still lost there I was named after the wife in Beetlejuice. Now you all know why Claudia calls me Deets, there you go spoilers. I’m assuming it’s a bit or something to keep on calling me Delilah. It has to be a bit, right? There’s no way you don’t know my name is Delia, even I knew that your name was Axis even though you haven’t been on OCW TV in like forever. Okay, let’s just say it is a bit and the best you got is Delilah? Were you a big fan of that ‘hey there, Delilah’ song or something? I don’t get the joke. Of course there’s the alternative, you really do think my name is Delilah and this isn’t a bit at all. In that case, first off, yikes. Secondly, what’s your flavor of crayon Axis?

Sadly, at the Wheel of Misfortune I won’t have the pleasure of beating it into your head since the whole no head shots thing, but I am still going to teach you my name. If I have to carve it into your chest, one way or another you will know that your OCW Craze champion is Delia Black. You can read, right? God, I hope it’s a bit.

This is where a champion would normally stand up and show off their title belt, however, Delia’s title belt is currently in her room in the apartment that she’s been evicted from. So Delia just stands up instead.

BLACK: See, I earned my shot at the Craze championship by surviving seven other wrestlers at Decadence in the New Year’s Ball match that included the likes of Diana Watts, Moonlight Rose and the [BLEEP]. Wait, did you just bleep out the [BLEEPS] name? Are we really not allowed to say his name?

Wow that’s some extra level of legal shit right there. So, I can say shit, but not [BLEEP]?

Delia pauses to reset her thoughts. And while we’re taking this pause, let’s just all collectively say go fuck yourself [BLEEP]. If you know, you know.

BLACK: I earned my shot for my belt and then was forced to wait around on a bo… bo… yeah still don’t want to say that word out loud, and then was forced to wait around on a floating thing in the ocean down to Antarctica and back for my shot. But then when I finally got that shot two months later? I had the utter shit knocked out of me with a baseball bat, dropped through a glass case and lit that bitch Brooke on fire in order to win the Craze championship.

What have you done to earn this shot, Axis? So, ask yourself this question before you step into the ring with the Craze champion. Do you really belong here challenging for my belt or are you just a sacrificial lamb?

Either way you answer that question the result will be the same. You, laying on your back looking up at the lights and me? I’ll be standing over you with my Craze title in the air whispering ‘say my name, bitch’ to you.

WIth no title belt in her possession Delia just stands there with her phone raised over her head instead, it is at that moment that there’s a familiar ding. Delia completely snaps out of it and fumbles her phone in the process from the shock. She scrambles to pick the phone off of the ground and check to see if it is Claudia who has finally texted her back.

Delia’s face goes from excited to a little less excited, but still excited as the text message header reads “IT’S MF WRIGLEY” with the message that says “Meet me outside my office in ten minutes!!” Delia looks up from her phone and jams it into her pocket and yells out.

BLACK: Reunion tour, bitches!

The people standing around her look a little confused, but she charges off down the beach as fast as she can giving them no time to wonder if she’s completely insane.

47 Hours 45 Minutes Earlier.

That’s fifteen minutes after the last thing for those of you who aren’t good with math or keeping track of timelines. There’s Wrigley pacing back and forth in his navy blue suit in an impatient manner as Delia finally comes to a stop from running. She doubles over trying to catch her breath as she slams her hand into the chest of Wrigley keeping him from moving away at all. Wrigley checks his watch and shakes his head, however just as he’s about to say anything Delia hands him a fifty dollar bill with her other hand. Wrigley seems impressed.

WRIGLEY: Wow, you actually have money on you. What’s this for?

Delia sucks in as much air as possible a couple of more times before she is actually able to answer Wrigley’s question.

BLACK: You said it would cost someone forty bucks, I got someone to give me fifty dollars for the sheer amount.

Wrigley looks confused at Delia, one of his eyes closes as he processes exactly what she’s talking about here. Have you figured it out at home? Press pause now and go back to catch up on their conversation during Piledriver or when they got off the elevator. Ready? Let’s go.

WRIGLEY: Oh my God.

BLACK: Yeah, that’s why I’m five minutes late. So, what do you need me for?

Wrigley looks at the fifty dollar bill and slowly pockets it before moving on here with the conversation. Delia is still sucking wind from her run and possible other activities that have taken place over the past fifteen minutes.

WRIGLEY: I have figured out a way to save the world. I have figured out a way to save us all, Delia.

Dramatic pause. Dramatic music? Nope, no music. Delia, however, is finally able to stand upright as she’s no longer out of breath. She’s out of something else though… if you know what I mean. She gives Wrigley a look of disbelief.

WRIGLEY: Claudia’s mother, I get it now. It took me almost all night long to figure it out and then finally Linda pointed it out to me and now I know how to defeat Claudia’s mother, reunite the two of you and make sure that I remain the manager of champions. This is the greatest plan in the history of plans, and I’m absolutely buzzing about it all.

BLACK: Wow, you’re really giving credit to Linda.

WRIGLEY: Yeah, I know. Like I said, I'm really buzzing right now. And speaking of which, I need your help with the first part of the plan. Let’s take a walk this way and I’ll show you exactly how you can help me…

The two saunter down a couple of buildings over, Delia is barely able to keep up and grabs a hold of Wrigley’s back shoulder allowing him to provide as support as the two walk. Wrigley stops in front of a small-time flower shop as Delia bumps into him.

BLACK: This is a flower shop, awww you’re buying me flowers?

WRIGLEY: Oh hell, no. What I need you to do is close your eyes and think about all the times you were invited over to Claudia’s house. Think about walking through her house, and I want you to picture what kind of flowers her mother has on the dining room table or perhaps in the windows or on the porch. Do you see any flowers, Delia?

Delia nods yes.

WRIGLEY: Good, now keep them in mind as you open your eyes and I want you to point to the same set of flowers inside the shop. Ready?

Delia opens up her eyes and immediately points to a group of bright yellow and white daffodils.

WRIGLEY: You stay right here and I’m going to spend this fifty you gave me on those daffodils. Because tonight I am going to kick off the second step in my plan, I’m going to hand deliver these flowers to Claudia’s mother right ahead of our date.

BLACK: What are you saying right now?

WRIGLEY: Like I said, I figured it out. Claudia’s mother isn’t evil, she isn’t Satan or any of those things, she’s lonely. She’s been lonely since her ex-husband forced her into a one sided divorce agreement where she hasn’t been allowed to see other men for the past twenty years. Well, I found a legal loophole in the agreement and tonight during our date tonight I’m going to spring it all on her. The world has been officially saved once again by Big Daddy Legal.

It is at that exact moment that Wrigley’s cell phone begins to ding loudly. He quickly checks to see who might be ruining this moment.

BLACK: Who is it?

WRIGLEY: The FBI, I’m sure it’s nothing important.

Wrigley shoves his phone back into his jacket pocket and pulls out that fifty dollar bill and begins to walk into the flower shop, but he’s within ear shot to hear when Delia’s phone also goes off with a ding which stops him. She scrambles to retrieve it and has a dumbfounded look on her face. Wrigley gives her a look.

BLACK: It’s God. She says Claudia misses me, and that she saw what I did earlier.

Delia gives Wrigley a big yikes look as we fade to black.