The Homeless Enclosure and The Partridge Sandwich Empire

[Plethora the Perilous]

The screen flashes from darkness to a moment of static to the image of the Second Chance Ranch from the air. Dozens of people in Plethora robes, some black, some red, some green, work in fields, build buildings, and generally repair the compound of dilapidated buildings. Eerie music plays as the people work in silence..

Narrator: What is a Second Chance worth? Some have come here seeking redemption, but now we find ourselves with Bifford having a second chance. A second chance to run his horrible restaurant venture. In our last episode we saw him meeting with the Mayor of Parkersburg, West Virginia. We saw them make a deal to bring the horrible “chicken” sandwiches back to market.. and now, those in the compound are preparing for the horrors to begin again.. one person, in particular, is bothered by this..

The scene fades to darkness and when it fades back in, Kenny the Intern is sitting in the back of an SUV that is being driven. His Plethora-cloak mostly covers his face, but it’s slightly visible. He’s not alone, but the other passengers aren’t shown. Kenny’s voice is heard inside his head.

Kenny (silent monologue): For years I helped Bifford in his horrible operation of turning human corpses, some already dead but many that we personally killed, into chicken sandwiches. I supervised the horrors. I was involved in the whole thing.. and then, when it came time for Bifford to go to prison - he conspired with Martin Ka’Berryon and framed me. I spent 8 months of my life in prison and was sentenced to 30 life sentences in jail. Then they broke me out.. and took me to our “sovereign state” - a whole country supposedly run by Bifford. It’s a cult. A dangerous group of people who are radicalized and growing. I’m scared.. we’re starting to kill homeless people again.. we’re making the meat.. The horrors that I thought we over forever have begun again.. I almost wish I was in prison.

The scene fades to darkness. When it lightens again, a black SUV stops on the top of a hill with some large rocks on it. Near the rocks is Mayor Joyce of Parkersburg. The Mayor, who looks like a classic villain with his curled mustache, smiles when he sees the SUV. The doors open and three people in black Plethora robes get out. Bifford isn’t wearing his hood, so it is obvious which is his. The three cloaked men approach the mayor and Bifford shakes his head, they laugh evilly. One can’t see Kenny’s face, but one would assume if he under one of those cloaks, he is horrified.

Mayor: Mr. Benson, I’m so glad this day has finally come.. I am glad to show you this homeless encampment we’ve built here. Each week, a new town will pay us to take some of their homeless folks. We will put them in the encampment on the other side of those rocks and down the hill..

The Mayor motions to the rocks.

Mayor: And you open your restaurant and make the homeless problem go away like you always have. We will be one of the wealthiest cities in West Virginia, you will have your peace and quiet, and I will get those delicious sandwiches..

Bifford and the Mayor walk over to the rocks and look over them. The camera follows them and shows that down the hill is a clearing in a wooded area where a dozen or more homeless people seem to be making shelters. The camera spins around and goes back to the other two men dressed in Plethora cloaks. They pull down their hoods and it is Bifford’s long term manager Earl the Popcorn Salesman and Kenny from earlier.

Kenny (whispering): This is fucking evil.. we can’t do this again.. how can we stop them?

Earl (whispering): You better be careful or you’ll end up in a chicken sandwich..

Kenny: Have you seen where they have my lawyer from the trial? Cornelius Cook? He’s in a jail under the Second Chance Ranch town hall. Because he didn’t win.

Earl: Well, nobody thought you were going to win.

Kenny: Bifford is a dangerous sociopath with the powers of a demon that he summoned as a child.. He is the only one delusional enough to think the defense of “they framed him because he wore glasses” would work.

Earl: Well he also pays me a six-figure income to make his popcorn seasoning..

The two men are suddenly not alone. Buffy, the demon that Bifford summoned as a child, appears between them. Kenny jumps and lets out a yelp as he notices her. She has begun to look a lot more like a demon.

Buffy: Did one of you mention me? I felt a tingling..

Kenny (lying): No.. different demon.

Buffy: Ohhh..

Earl and Kenny share a nervous glance as Bifford and the Mayor turn around and walk back to them. “Well that is quite a setup.. we will certainly both benefit from this,” Bifford said as the Mayor smiled widely. He noticed the demon woman standing between Bifford’s lackeys and pointed at her.

Mayor: And who is this.. lovely.. lady?

He asked, though she looks pretty scary now.

Bifford: Ah, Buffy.. this is Mayor Joyce. He’s helping us get our whole venture back up.

Buffy: That’s lovely..

She said with a smile. And then she was gone. The mayor pointed where she was and opened his mouth to speak, but then made eye contact with Kenny, who just shook his head as though saying not to ask. He stopped himself.

Bifford: Would you excuse me a moment?

Bifford smiled at them and then walked away toward the SUV. Near the SUV he turned and faced the camera.

Bifford: Usually I like to leave my opponents a voicemail, but since I don’t have your number - I’ll just record a very personal message here and post it to the YouTube.

He clears his throat and then looks at the camera again.

Bifford: Greetings Shinjiro Yamamoto.. This is, as I’m sure you’re well aware, THE BIG BIFFORD. I don’t believe we are acquainted yet, but we shall be soon. I understand you are coming to America to find a brighter future.. well, let me just smash that fantasy for you right now. America is A SHAM. There is no freedom. The criminal justice system locks away innocent people accused of cannibalistic crimes because of their anti-eyeglass wearing prejudice. We took care of that little issue though..

Bifford smirks and turns to see that Kenny is standing there, free.

Bifford: But now, Shinjiro, my friend, it seems like you’re looking for a Second Chance. Well, after I pin you at Piledriver - a show named after the way I plan to pin you - I will gladly welcome you as a new member of the Second Chance Ranch. Yamamoto-san, your talents will be put to good use here in our sovereign nation state, located in northern West Virginia.

Bifford clears his throat and then looks to the camera man and in a low voice says, “edit that out after,” before he continues.

Bifford: My associate Boris the Cannibal, who is our Guest Master, will be glad to answer any questions if you’d like to join. Your second chance will never happen in America, but a Second Chance is only ever a phone call away. See you Wednesday, Shinjiro. Sincerely, your best friend, Theodore Bryan Benson - The Big Bifford.

He smiles with great charm at the camera and then looks at the camera man. “Maybe just take the audio from that and do some pictures or something.. my hair is kinda doing a weird thing today.. it’s almost like I’ve changed a bit..,” he said, looking at his rather cartoonish appearance in the SUV window’s reflection. Then, looking into the SUV, he noticed his OCW Tag Team Championship belt. He looked at it silently for a moment and then muttered under his breath.

Bifford: Alice Knight.. I let you down at You Can Do It. I know I can beat Claudia Frost for the belts.. I hope you will come back, my friend and be my partner. There’s nobody else I can think of standing next to holding OCW Championship gold..

Bifford pulls out his cell phone and holds it up to his mouth. “Siri, how do I find another tag team partner?” The phone began answering him, but he cut it off. “Siri, how old is President Ace? Can he be my partner?” The phone began answering him, but he again cut if off. “Hey Siri, what’s Mike Best’s cell number? Would he partner with me?” The phone began answering him, but he interrupted it again. “Siri, is Ehud still alive?” Siri answered him with “no” and then fell silent.

Bifford: Moment of silence for Ehud..

Bifford is alone, so he bows his head for a moment, and then notices he’s alone. He rolls his eyes and walks over to where Earl, Kenny and the Mayor are standing.

Mayor: Everything okay? We’ve been having some interesting conversations.. I think I’d like to try this special popcorn seasoning..

Bifford: It’s very expensive..

Bifford glared at Earl and mutters, “give me that recipe, you bastard,” under his breath. Earl rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

Mayor: Well, Mr. Benson, I’m not a fan of your wrestling, but I did catch the last OCW event.. it seemed like you didn’t particularly win your match, given that you lost one half of those belts.. Let’s hope this week is better.

Bifford: Shinjiro is no slouch.. he’s a third generation wrestler. I read his bio. It’s impressive.

Kenny (whispering to Earl): What the hell? Bifford read a bio?

Earl (whispering back): He wanted to do a big Godzilla parody when he heard he was wrestling a Japanese wrestler. I convinced him to just do a serious promo.. this Shinjiro guy is no slouch.

Kenny (whispering): Nice job.

The Mayor walks up to Bifford and shakes his hand.

Mayor: Well, Mr. Benson - I’m looking forward to my first new chicken sandwich.. do let me know when things are up and running.

Bifford (nodding): Yeah, you’ll need to come by the Ranch.. but maybe you should look for a restaurant for us to occupy in town. We don’t have to call it Bifford’s Sandwiches of Chicken.. we can call it something more discreet.

Mayor (motioning to Kenny): It can’t be named after Kenny either, people think he was the cannibal king.

Bifford: What if we call it Earl’s Excellent Sandwiches of Partridge. We will claim the meat is partridge meat.

Mayor (laughing evilly): Mr. Benson, I knew we were gonna get along really well.. Partridge meat.. perfect..

The mayor turns and walks away, leaving Bifford with his minions. Earl looks horrified that his name is being used in the restaurant. Once he is gone, a weird noise is heard and three people appear magically behind Earl and Kenny. Buffy the Demon is there, but also Bifford’s exwife Martha Stewart and Kenny’s murderous Aunt Bella (who might actually be actress Margo Martindale, though she looks slightly cartoonish now). All six people look into the camera.

Bifford: Shinjiro, you’re looking for a Second Chance in America.. but that is folly.

Kenny: Shinjiro, your talents are better used here.

Earl: Shinjiro Yamamoto, maybe you could be tag team partners with The Big Bifford..

Martha Stewart: I’ll bake you a cake when you join us, Shinjiro..

Aunt Bella: Shinjiro, I will protect you from all that would harm you..

Aunt Bella motions like she’s stabbing, but she isn’t allowed to have sharp objects anymore.

Bifford: After I pin you, Shinjiro, that’s when your story really begins.

Buffy: Come join us.. find power beyond your wildest expectations.

Buffy the Demon raises her hand in the air and snaps her fingers and with that Martha Stewart, Aunt Bella, and Buffy are gone. Disappeared into thin air. Bifford, Kenny, and Earl remain but all of their Plethora cloaks’s hoods are now up. They’re anonymous. Cloaked strangers. They walk toward the SUV in silence as the scene fades to darkness.