Post by Plethora the Perilous on Mar 23, 2023 20:45:51 GMT -5
The screen flashes from darkness to a moment of static to the image of Alice Knight sitting down at her kitchen table with a sandwich and a jar of mustard. She looks up at a television and sees the news. Her eyes furrow - its a report about a Kenny who was supposed to be spending the rest of his life in prison escaping. “Is that Bifford’s friend..?” She asked as she heard a knock at her front door. Her eyes became wide and she looked toward it in panic. “It’s me, Alice..” came the Jamaican accent of Earl the Popcorn Salesman. Walking to the front door, Alice opened it and found herself face to face with four people in Plethora robes: 2 black, 1 red, 1 green. She looked out at them with her mouth open a bit, not sure what to say. One of the cloaked figures pulled the cloak back to show that Earl the Popcorn Salesman was under it.
Earl: We gotta go, Alice.. you gotta match. You and Bifford are defending the belts. He says he needs you for a business meeting before then.
Alice: But I’m not.. packed.
Earl: We gotta go, Alice. No time, we have stuff for you.
One of the other cloaked figures stepped in and put a hand on her arm. She nodded and followed them as the scene faded to darkness.
Narrator: We all know how to identify a cult.. a group of people centered a round a charismatic leader who holds control over them. We all know how to spot it. We’ve probably known someone who has been involved in one, or suspected that a group of people were a cult before.. But when your own tag team partner forms one.. Well.. How do you react?
The voice of Boris the Cannibal is then heard in the darkness.
Boris: Do you lack direction in life? Do you need a second chance? We’ve got a place for you.
The darkness flashed to a moment of static to the image of Alice Knight on an airplane. The camera is close to her face. Her eyes are closed and she looks peaceful.
Narrator: Sometimes we find ourselves in odd situations and we have to ask how we got there in the first place..
The camera pans out a bit more to show that Alice is seated in an airplane chair next to a person in a Plethora cloak. Her eyes look forward with a good amount of discomfort in them.. the camera then pans out to show the airplane is inhabited by about 25 people.. all of them in Plethora cloaks except Alice Knight. She was alone. The scene faded to darkness again and the thick Russian accent of Boris the Cannibal is heard.
Boris: Is your life Black? Do things feel like they’re covered in Frost and need to be warmed and started fresh? Do you have a loser name like Delia or Claudia and want to have a new and better identity? Come to West Virginia.. join the Second Chance Ranch. You’re welcome here after your loss at You Can Do It - because, and I hate to spoil this, you can’t do it.
The darkness flashed to a moment of static and then to the image of Alice Knight being driven in the back of a dilapidated school bus down a dirt road in West Virginia. The bus, full of 20 or so people in Plethora Cloaks, turns and comes up to a large gated compound. Armed men in cloaks with guns approach the bus. The people in the cloaks stand up and file out of the bus, having brief words with the security, and then head into the compound. Alice Knight sits alone on the bus, unsure what happened to Earl since everyone looks the same in the cloaks. A security guard steps onto the bus and signals for her to get off. She walks in a way a panicked person would, but gets off the bus.
Guard: Ma’am, you’ve come here to enter this sovereign state.. do you have a passport?
Alice: Uh.. I do.. but not with me. They didn’t tell me we were.. isn’t this West Virginia?
Guard: You’re in West Virginia now. 10 feet in that direction is a sovereign state.
Alice: Oh.. Well I can just leave then.
Guard: Nah.. the big guy wants to see you. Says it’s important. Next time, bring a passport. Or you should just move here.. it’s awesome here.
Alice nods her head and follows the guard as they head into the compound. Inside there are hundreds of dilapidated houses and trailers making a faux city. Everyone is wearing a cloak. Red cloaks, green cloaks, black cloaks. There had to be 50 people. Walking around, doing tasks, working. Alice followed the security guard closely, but couldn’t help look around. Everyone worked with great efficiency.
The guard leads Alice up to a large modular building - it looked modern and newer than everything else she’d seen to that point. The guard stopped and pointed at it.
Guard: That’s Town Hall.. I’m not allowed inside. But Mr. Benson will be waiting in there.
Alice: Mr. Benson?
Guard: Your tag team partner.. our leader.
Alice nodded, donning on her that that was Bifford’s real name. She looked around and then looked up at the place she was told was City Hall. She walked up the steps and opened the door. Inside there was a normal sort of office set-up with a number of people in Plethora robes working at desks. A video advertising the place played on a television non-stop.
None of the people at the desks looked up to see Alice so she just wandered around, looking over things. She looked out a window at some men who were pulling an old RV on some ropes with a pulley system. As she wondered how hot it would be to do physical labor under a robe. She watches one man walk and the cloak opens for a second, “was that the Kenny guy that’s supposed to be in prison?” She asked at a whisper. None of the of the cloaked-office staff seemed to hear.
She continued looking outside and her eyes bulged when another face emerged from a cloak. It looked vaguely like Marcus Welsh, but that couldn’t be.. She furrowed her brought when she heard a jovial voice behind her.
Bifford: Alice Knight..
She spun around and was face to face with a large person in a Plethora robe who sounded a lot like Bifford. Bifford threw back the hood and showed her that it was in fact him.
Alice: Quite the.. cu.. community you have here..
Bifford: Well it’s just all starting, Alice.. we’ve got 60 full time residents now, but applications keep pouring in. Everyone wants a second chance..
He motions for her to follow him and the two walk into a large office with a central desk - obviously Bifford’s office. He walked behind the desk and motioned for her to sit in a chair.
Bifford: You don’t have to move here, Alice.. but I thought it would be good for you to come see the place. And you’d be welcome here and we would roll out the carpet for you.
Alice: Oh.. I’m.. just..
Bifford (laughing): don’t be silly, Alice.. we can be partners even if you don’t move here. but I wanted you to come see the place. We can meet in neutral locations before our many defenses.
Alice: Many defenses?
Bifford: Yes, I’ve been really thinking that we need to defend the titles more. This match will just be the first of a series of matches of us dominating our tag team competition. And after we crush these teams.. I will offer them the opportunity for..
Alice: A second chance?
Bifford: Yes! but not at the tag titles, but rather at life. They could come live here.
Alice: So you’re going to beat people and then get them to join your cul-..community.
A small reaction is seen on Bifford’s face when she almost says cult. He exchanges that grimace for a smile though and stands up.
Bifford: Alice Knight, it is so good to have you here. We have wonderful accommodations for you for tonight, tomorrow we will have a brunch in your honor, then we have some small business to attend to.. and then we will fly out to Florida to prepare for the show.
Walking around the desk Bifford, in his awkward large black Plethora robe, walks over to Alice and half-hugs her. She looks horrified at first, but then realizes this is supposed to be deeply touching. She smirks and half-hugs Bifford back, just as awkwardly.
The two of them then walk out into the lobby where two people in Plethora robes are standing. “Oh Alice, you must meet this young woman.. go ahead, lose the hood for a minute,” Bifford said - his hood still down too. The woman lowers her cloak and it is Pixie Sloane, whom OCW fans would remember from the Illuminatus. “Made it to tier 4 of the Illuminatus.. You both lost to a Claudia Frost, I believe.. Don’t worry, I’ll Biff End her this weekend,” Bifford said. He laughed awkwardly for a moment and then continued, “Anyway, Pixie is just here visiting and trying things out for now.. but, Earl the Popcorn Salesman found her on that cruise ship. He told me she’s the top of the crop.” Pixie waves to Alice and nods in appreciation to what Bifford says, but doesn’t say anything else. The hooded figure next to her removes his hood also, and it’s Earl the Popcorn Salesman. “Cloaks back on,” Bifford said immediately and both Pixie and Earl obeyed.
Bifford: Earl.. Can I talk to you for a moment..
Earl walked away with Bifford and Pixie moved on. Alice was left alone. She stood and a monologue began in her mind:
Bifford's Second Chance Ranch was interesting at first sight. What surprised me the most was how quiet and bland looking it was. Just aisles of members, men and women (likely more men) in duplicate cloaks just muttering and moaning in what I assumed was a prayer. I mean spice it up. Play some George Clinton's Parliament in the background. Some florescent lighting, maybe? But honestly... it was really amazing to see the influence Big Biff' had on these people.
Unlike the Influence team we were facing at You Can Do It. Sure they had a few good wins. Delia seems tough as nails and Claudia Frost even defeated me in the first tier Pyramid match. But other than that they were quite forgettable in my opinion. And much like most stars that come through OCW with a hot debut, they will likely be forgotten in months. While Bifford and I are an odd couple of sorts in this division. We are former OCW Champions. OCW Hall of Famers. We have created memories in the company that fans continue to discuss. Maybe The Influence will get to that point... but I wouldn't bet a Owl Is Night Chunky Mustard on a Big Bifford Chicken Sandwich on it... but maybe it's a bad bet. Maybe the Influence will do the unthinkable and upset us on pay per view. That's what betting is all about. I've done many of bad bets. I bet $500 in 2009 on Drago defeating Balboa in Rocky 4 despite knowing there was already a fifth movie. Hell as the World Trade Centers were collapsing I bet everyone in my class that there would be ZERO casualties. It was a bad bet... we do that sometimes in life...
But we all deserve a second chance. Even Alice Knight. Could I get a second chance for the mistakes I've made here at his ranch? From the poisoning Canadian cities with my chunky mustard? The things I've run over in my days driving an RV. Those things Include men, women, children and that litter of Golden Retriever puppies I thought were garbage bags. And of course the accidental killing of Ehud. Would all that be forgotten just by joining this ranch?
And would I get my own glittery cloak if I did sign up? That's a major selling point. Make or break time. HOOT.
Bifford walked back up, his cloak still off of his head. He motioned for Alice to follow him and the two walked out into the brisk West Virginia air.
Bifford: So what do you think of the place, Alice?
Alice: Um. The place is... interesting? Yeah. I mean... is it for me? I don't about that. I'm more into free sex and funky tunes. This place seems rather strict for that kind of stuff. And didn't I see your friend Kenny running around? I saw a news report about him being like arrested or something... does the Second Chance Ranch get everyone out of their jams? Because I know this 'friend' of mine and she has been in 'trouble' with the law. Stuff like 'parking tickets' and 'public intoxication' and 'sexual misconduct'... 'murder'... YOU KNOW WHAT! Nevermind! The place looks 'cool' Bifford. Just not for me... but goooooooood luck!
Bifford looks at Alice for a moment, unsure what to say, then he laughs a bit.
Bifford: Well, I need your help tomorrow. I need an attractive woman to come with me on a business meeting and all the women that live here have to wear the cloaks.. so.. you’re the one. And then this weekend will be an easy defense. THE POWER OF THE OWL and the Biff End will crush any influence Delia and Claudia have in OCW. But I’ll be here waiting for them at the Second Chance Ranch if they want to put their lives back together afterward..
Alice: What’s this meeting about?
Motioning out at the people working and doing construction all around the massive compound, Bifford explains, “Well right now this is all coming out of my pocket.. we need income coming in. But there’s this sheriff.. we gotta get around him.”
A postman wearing a mailbag over his Plethora cloak walks past them and Alice gets a glance at an envelope with a Bifford-postal-stamp on it. Her eyes begin to bulge as Bifford walks down the steps, “Let me show you to your quarters.. they’re quite lavish,” he explained as the scene faded to darkness.