Post by Alice Knight on Mar 9, 2023 3:24:20 GMT -5
My first Massacre match in months approaches. A match with the former OCW Champion. A man who had a great in ring 2022. While my 2022 floundered. Lot's on my mind as my first hour in Hell is drawing to a close. It's dark here, much like my 2022 year, but the fires seem to light the some of the depths of Hell. A bonus is the screaming of tortured and raped souls gets more subdued as time goes on. So that's a cool, right? Did I really die? And how did the most beloved fan favorite OCW Star of all time end up in Hell of all places?
I will tentatively divide my tale into three memoriesthat took place over a twenty-hour period showing how I got here.
Incident One: "The day I before went to Hell started off at Happy's Pub, where my friend Ferguson was daring me to do stuff. I wasn't in the mood. I recently lost the OCW Great Illumintus and had to prepare for my first battle with Pic on masscre. But we were intoxicated so he dared me to give a homeless man a hand-job outside the church and confess to it to the priest minutes later. I was offended by this dare but the next thing I knew, I was in Hell. At first, it seemed like a dream, but then I remembered that seven-Jager night dream is usually a lot worse."
Alice looked around. The area was dark. Lit by only bunches of fire. She was concerned feeling around the walls beside her. She could see others were down here as confused as her.
What the fu...
Hello, Alice. I am Azral. Your guide to get you through Hell. I am not a demon but I hope to one day become one. And if you behave and take the sodomy like a champ... you can be one too.
I don't wanna be a demon! I don't want to be dead neither. Why am I here? It's gross here, man. Hot too! I know it’s a cliche, but it’s true. it IS Hot as HELL down here. Fortunately, it’s a steamy kind of hot. Like a spa or something. And I assumed everyone who ended up in Hell Or Heaven would be nude.
Nah, fake news. What you die in is what you wear. You must have died at a costume party too. Dressed as an ugly, geeky slut bitch. You pulled it off.
Um, yeah. "Costume party". What the hell are you supposed to be with your stupid Trenchcoast?
Azral looks annoyed "Ugh. I am Morgan Freeman from SEVEN! DUH!!"
Really? Good flick but shouldn't you be in black face at the very least? No racist...
Yes, racist. No wonder you're in hell, Alice.
~Alice looks around at some of the people wandering around. She notices a man in a diaper.~
So was that guy dressed as the New Years Baby at a party or something?
Fred? No, something just went wrong during his BDSM adult baby fetish outing. He's kind of a joke between some of us soon-to-be Demons.
Gross... but this sucks. I have a HUGE match with PIC on Massacre this Monday. It's been kind of hyped for a long time and it's FINALLY happening... I guess not anymore. He's going to be so happy he doesn't get to lose to me back on Earth.
Ha! Lose? Right... and yes you told me all this before in the confessional, remember?
You were the priest?
Incident Two: After washing my hands and sending the bum on his way. I snuck into the Church with two cups of coffee filled with Jager and Kool-aid ready to make my confession. But as I waited outside sipping on my "cup-of-Joe" ready to say my sins to the father. An elderly lady SKIPPED in line and jolted right into the box. "NO WAY, LADY!!" I screamed as I pulled her black veil off her head and threw her to the ground. I stomped on her hard. It turned out it was a nun and she was cleaning the confessional due to COVID preventions. I offered her a cup of coffee as an apology but she didn't accept it. Those religious types can be a bunch of prudes. Finally I went in and waited to confess to the priest.
~Alice stands up, pulling up her tights and fixing the hem of her skirt.~
I guess the bonus of being in Hell is that you can literally PEE where ever you want.
Wait... you've been peeing in random spots this entire time we've been chatting? Why NOT USE the Hell outhouses? There's a few scattered around her.
~He points to a clear unisex porta-potty right next to her.~
I just assumed you can relieve yourself anywhere. So when do us prisoners of Hell get to eat? I'm starved...
Well down here we only get Bologna slices and some weird off brand Chunky Mustard to dip into... it's gross.
~Alice squints noticing the Mustard labeled "HARVEY'S MUSTARD CHUNKS!" She rolls her eyes in disgust.~
This place REALLY is HELL! No OWL is NIGHT mustard!!?
TOLD YA!
This place is rough, huh? Despite the tasty Bologna and warm weather. Plus I'm bored already. Can I throw some rocks at other people? They'll probably just think it's a demon. I wonder if PIC died too and is down here? That way I can beat him in HELL instead of on EARTH. Yah? That may get me points with Satan, right?
No Pic.
No Pic?
No Pic. He'd go to Heaven anyway. Seems like a nice enough dude.
"PIC IN HEAVEN. PIC A NICE DUDE!" Get a room with him why don't ya...
~Alice mocks Azral talking in a feminine yet mumbled voice~
Man... you'll be a Demon soon enough. Hell, what you told me about Pic in the confessional, I assumed you'd have some sympathy for the guy.
Incident Three: In the confessional, I was losing my patience waiting for the priest. Finally he showed up.
Look who decided to show up, Father Tardiness. Wanna a coffee?
No thnaks. I am Father Azral. Please, confess you sins to me, my child.
So I just say what I want to some stranger and I am forgiven?
That's right my child...
Interesting... HOOT. This could be fun... and may take awhile. But fun. I should tell Big Biff' about this place. Maybe he could be forgiven for the sins of beating me all those times. Bifford isn't my lover by the way. He is my tag team partner. We're kind of the champions... I'm a wrestler by the way. Now that's a confession...
~Alice laughs~
But seriously. I've done some terrible things in my life. Did drugs, dirty sexual activities, ran over a kid, 'murdered' an elderly man with my feet, stole candy bars...
~Alice kicks the air and laughs~
Wait... ran over a child? Murdered an old man? Whatever do you mean?
Don't worry... the KID lived. I'm not a beast like some idiots at OCW may call me behind my back and right in front of my face. I am a good person. Just like this Pic guy I am facing. He is a legend. Like over 20 years. That's truly awesome. Just like me, he is a former OCW Champion too.
Are you and this Pic friends in your company?
We never really interacted. But in a place where everyone is SINNERS and EVIL we kind of stand out as GOOD people there. He had things with his daughter last year which did kind of end up okay for him and his family. I hear stories that more is going on with her but it's none of my business. The fact is he has to be stressed about it all. Hence why he lost the OCW Championship belt a few weeks ago. He's on a mission to get it back and I'm on his route to get it. I tell you this daddy...
Father... it's father...
Right. Father. I tell you this sin because I think when I beat Pic on OCW Massacre Monday night, it will crush his heart and soul. He may end up retiring over it. Not that losing to me is that bad. Far from it. Plus I don't win that much so most don't even consider retirement when facing me. But Pic is in a rut. He lost a huge match for the ultimate prize. Do I think he can redeem himself? Sure. But one misstep and I'll pounce and take advantage of the situation. And I think beating him will drive him into further depression. Can even GOD forgive me for that? Because Pic certainly won't.
You're fine. It's a competitive sport you're in. If he can't handle a loss that's on him.
Yeah? Nice. This has been rewarding stuff. Thanks, daddy.
~Alice sips from her cup. She starts feeling dizzy.~
Whoa. I feel weird. I think I may have had too much... coffee?
~She stands up but after some staggering around out into the church aisles ,she falls to her knees and with one final "HOOT?" she passes out on the floor.~
Eww. That's how I died?
Afraid so.
That's lame. I thought i'd always die in a cool ass death like my grandfather.
Did he die in a war or doing something heroic?
Nope. Choked on a chicken bone. We all tried to save him but the bathroom door was locked. We could have broke the door down but it was just redone. There must be a way to return?
Not even the Big Bifford can help you out of this one, Alice.
There has to be a way. I'll do anything... I'll even forfeit my match with Pic if I have too. I'll murder another old man. Bludgeon a child's head with a rock. Please, Ass-reel.
Alice falls to her knees pleading and clawing at Azral's legs.~
The name is Azral. But... there is one thing you can do.
~Alice stands up.~
Yeah? What is it?
What's your thoughts on... dirty hand stuff?
~Azral unzips his pants. Alice nods and spits on her palms and rubs her hands together.~
CUT TO
~Cut to a shot of the sun rising in front of Alice's home. Owlie the Owl is flipping out in her cage as Alice's friend Ferguson is eating cereal at the kitchen table. Alice enters in wearing a t-shirt nightie with a cartoon owl on it. Owlie flips out biting, now bitng the cage. Alice grabs a handful of fruit-loops at tosses it in Owlie's cage. Owlie begins eating it up like she hasn't been fed in days. Alice sits down across from Ferguson.~
What. A. Night.
Don't I know it. You came home pretty late. Where the HELL were you?
It's a long story. But let's just say I went to hell and back... literally. But I think I learned a lot from the whole experience. What did you end up doing, Ferguson?
Not what but WHO?
~Azral says as he walks out of Ferguson's guest room in only his tightie-whities on. He sits down between Alice and Ferguson. Alice looks confused.~
Wait... what? Father Azral? Azral the Demon? What is going on? I am so confused...
I know it's weird.
No, no. You can't just say 'I know it's weird.' That doesn't make a lick a sense. What the HELL is going on here? How did we get out of Hell Azral?
Hell? That was an abandon church basement. It's where the homeless and meth tweekers come to get drunk and high. I was really high on crack when we chatted. You were pretty drunk. I brought you home, helped you into your nightshirt and put you to bed. You were talking in your sleep saying funny things like 'Please don't make me wrestle Pic.' and 'Pic is better than me, why God, why!' It was adorable.
~Alice laughs.~
Nah I wouldn't say that! Good one. But what you're saying is I didn't go to hell? See that adds up. I am totally a little angel that would totally go to heaven. Wait... you didn't... like... take advantage of me while I was passed out, right Azral?
~Alice checks her body and butt.~
Of course not! I thought about it... but you looked so innocent laying there to rape you. So I found your friend Fergusons room and sodomized him instead. I even made Owlie watch us...
Grosssss...
~Azral sits next to Ferguson putting his arms around him hugging him closer.~
Wait... that was you? I thought it was a dream that a giant chicken was sticking a hardboiled egg inside my anus...
Spoiler alert... the EGG was MY PECKER!
Grossss! You two are nuts... get a room!
I feel so violated.
That's our Fergie!
~Alice and Azral begin laughing together pouring milk into their bowls. Ferguson looks at them disturbed at what happened to him~
Now you ask yourself, what was the point of my trip to Hell? Well to make an interesting point. My past year felt like hell. While your year thrived, Pic. Your return to the ring was 'epic' without a doubt last year. Your stuff that happened to Sarah was terrible and I am here for you if you need someone to talk to about it. Because I know we aren't enemies. We also aren't friends. It's hard to find a good friend in this business. Because I know you don't respect me. No one in OCW does. But the fans do. My Hooters. And I've let them down long enough. I'm still struggling to get back to the top of the mountain of OCW...
But...
But beating you? Beating the legendary PIC is exactly what I need to get me on the right path. Can it be done? Well we do have a new OCW Champion. So it can be done. Will it be easy? Nope. It never is easy in OCW. But if you think you will get an easy win over me on your way to your likely OCW Championship rematch? Think again. I will go to hell and back with you on Massacre. So be ready, Pic-ford. Good luck.
The point of Azral raping Ferguson? Yeah... I know, its weird. HOOT, baby HOOT!
As these words are spoken, the screen goes completely blank, with the word "ALICE" forming in red letters. A second passes...then a huge explosion as the word is blown into a million pieces into the word "HOOT" as the scene fades to black.