Post by Logan Blades on Mar 3, 2023 22:22:12 GMT -5
Years of rust cracked with the playfulness of my fingers, shedding unused moldy skin. Aside from the occasional beatdown of Crystal, these hands had not felt this eager for nonsensical violence in years.
A touch of Talc powder.
A specimen of generosity, I volunteered to serve a needy food bank under the name of Robert Uchiha. He would surely thank me for this, if not, I’d take an eye. Maybe a toe too… why not.
Single drop of pubic hair from one Crystal Sharpe; enough to kill an elephant only zoo.
I stirred the punchbowl with an ear to ear grin that the grateful soon to be dead gathering warmly returned with grins, nods, thank yous - the usual jabber these handouts speak.
Logan Blades: And may God bless you too.
Another drop of punch scooped from the bowl and into a cheap cup.
Logan Blades: Don’t forget to try the doughnuts. Hate to send you poor folks back into the cold without a touch of diabetes.
I smiled. They laughed. We all shared the ever fleeting moment that dwelled before a doom; Robert's doom. Make no mistake, the five different “Hi my name is Robert Uchiha” stickers covering my vest lead them to acknowledge me as exactly that. Which squanders you and I to a point in any of this - frame Robert for crimes?
Logan Blades: HA!
The internal laugh burst in real time to startle a few. No. Unless crimes of happiness were legal, this was done out of generosity and kindness, and it was certainly time someone shined a good light on Robert. Even a flashlight would do; anything to guide him from the darkness of anime. I shall not bore you or myself with details, though I imagine the fellow spent his fair share of time in the attic of a Grandmother rubbing his horn to cross eyed Japanese cartoon women biting bottom lips. OCW should up the background check game. Of course in that case I wouldn’t even be here myself now would I.
I helped give the little bastard hope by doing this. He would grow, like one of those Chia Pets, and fans would line up to smell that grass.
Logan Blades: Doesn’t taste too terrible.
With idle rambling thoughts came idle hands, and once they weren’t busy serving I had poured myself a cup of death punch. No. I couldn’t be this moronic.
Why yes, clearly, it was a test of physical will. If I could overcome a poisonous death then truly Robert would be another harmless Massacre. Rack up the wins, gain another championship here, become a Senator, then President, turn currency into rat droppings; yes this was all part of grander things.
Punch Mermaid: Bit hot under the collar, love?
A beach of shells along with a mermaid arose from within the bowl. She slapped me hot with a flipper before burrowing back into the cursed punch, leaving a tail on guard. Ready to strike with prowess of a rattlesnake. I better proceed with caution.
Logan Blades: YOU SCALEY BITCH!
My pocket dagger found its way into the bowels of the bowl. I stabbed, twisted, cursed, and stabbed harder than throwing a Crystal Sharpe into a locked locker door separating oneself from OCW gold. The mermaid lunged her sea salt nails into my wrist and down into the bowl yours went…
Eyes filled with a cloudy punch of red. These surroundings unfamiliar to true reality, I sank into the depths of tainted kool aid. The bottom of the bowl touched my rear with a glassy thud, and I was finally able to make out the eyes of my fish woman captor - yellow - like Robert’s cowardice to cut a promo.
Punch Mermaid: These people are going to die because of you, Robert.
She noticed the nametag. I ripped it off along with the other four, looked into the underwater bowl of punch camera, and spoke with total confidence.
Logan Blades: It’s Blades… Logan Blades.
Bubbles of air erupted from my mouth and I swallowed some more tainted liquid, however I imagined the viewers among the world were jaw dropped and cheering to the reveal of Logan back in OCW… and with a last name?! I’m calling my work bestie right after! Besides, couldn’t go confusing myself with some Andrew Logan fellow from ten years ago in OCW, unless he was active and wanted to battle in a name on a stick match.
Logan Blades: But if any of your sea friends ask it was in fact Robert who helped the needy.
Punch Mermaid: He would have wanted better…
Logan Blades: Robert wants nothing. He’ll get nothing too. It’s another Monday for him, ‘Mer’. You see it’s me that wins. That gains. And what boils for us on the back burner? The culprit that locked me up last Monday. Robert is only the first chapter, a lukewarm introduction to a three years absence of savagery. Except I never really left did I…
A grin for your lens.
Logan Blades: Quite the opposite. OCW left me. And now here I am… crawling back to my rejector… I’m my very own Crystal Sharpe to a Logan.
Punch Mermaid: So why are you smiling?
Logan Blades: … because I love it. Close those doors again in my laughing face, OCW, no better yet wait like you did last time and don’t do it until I’m back on a darling thirteen win streak. Beat me once more and play that lovely tune and sing me to get the fuck out of here!
Even full of punch my laughter drowned deep back down into lungs before I settled myself.
Logan Blades: … and I’d love it even more, and it’s not just me ya’ know, or this place. The world is filled with heart shattering daggers waiting for you at every crook, robber, and cranny. The beauty of it is knowing it’s there, some pretend to think it isn’t, but it’s always lurking, and that’s the real fun of it to realize that any given mundane second you can be coaxed and hogtied into a van, violated and strangled, shot in the belly for twenty dollar bill and a nickel, or go to a foodbank because you can’t afford to feed your kids and some delightful fellow serves you poisoned fruit punch… hehe.. that is what keeps the madness churning and there's plenty of those goodies to last us all a lifetime here.
Propped my feet on a ice cube, leaned back into the bowl, and boringly blew a few oxygen bubbles into the red gunk.
Logan Blades: You know what would really get my rocks off, Mer’, if Robert threw his face on a television screen and then followed that up with defeating me and winning at Massacre. That would be a joy. That would be the robber waiting for you around the corner, the thing lurking that steps out every now and then to take a chomp and bring a fellow down… but that’s not going to happen right? Can’t I pretend that danger isn’t there like everyone else.. oh but it’ll be that much more fun if it does! That’ll really grease the wheels for our ride in OCW. Robert, how bout it?
With dramatic effect I tried pushing my face flat into the glass like a cartoon character as I began to witness the homeless attendees violently vomit my unique recipe.
Lives clearly ruined, I patted myself on the back, feeling like a great personal reminder for the surprise tragedy that shadows everyone in life just waiting to leap. Maybe they’ll see a loved one and hug them harder next time, maybe the paranoia would only be short lived, and the pretending would return. Maybe with a few more backhands to Crystal I could finally return to a lovely dinner table and glass free sandwich. Maybe all this wondering made my brain ill. Whatever the case, I would certainly need much more fun thrown my way after Robby boy.
A touch of Talc powder.
A specimen of generosity, I volunteered to serve a needy food bank under the name of Robert Uchiha. He would surely thank me for this, if not, I’d take an eye. Maybe a toe too… why not.
Single drop of pubic hair from one Crystal Sharpe; enough to kill an elephant only zoo.
I stirred the punchbowl with an ear to ear grin that the grateful soon to be dead gathering warmly returned with grins, nods, thank yous - the usual jabber these handouts speak.
Logan Blades: And may God bless you too.
Another drop of punch scooped from the bowl and into a cheap cup.
Logan Blades: Don’t forget to try the doughnuts. Hate to send you poor folks back into the cold without a touch of diabetes.
I smiled. They laughed. We all shared the ever fleeting moment that dwelled before a doom; Robert's doom. Make no mistake, the five different “Hi my name is Robert Uchiha” stickers covering my vest lead them to acknowledge me as exactly that. Which squanders you and I to a point in any of this - frame Robert for crimes?
Logan Blades: HA!
The internal laugh burst in real time to startle a few. No. Unless crimes of happiness were legal, this was done out of generosity and kindness, and it was certainly time someone shined a good light on Robert. Even a flashlight would do; anything to guide him from the darkness of anime. I shall not bore you or myself with details, though I imagine the fellow spent his fair share of time in the attic of a Grandmother rubbing his horn to cross eyed Japanese cartoon women biting bottom lips. OCW should up the background check game. Of course in that case I wouldn’t even be here myself now would I.
I helped give the little bastard hope by doing this. He would grow, like one of those Chia Pets, and fans would line up to smell that grass.
Logan Blades: Doesn’t taste too terrible.
With idle rambling thoughts came idle hands, and once they weren’t busy serving I had poured myself a cup of death punch. No. I couldn’t be this moronic.
Why yes, clearly, it was a test of physical will. If I could overcome a poisonous death then truly Robert would be another harmless Massacre. Rack up the wins, gain another championship here, become a Senator, then President, turn currency into rat droppings; yes this was all part of grander things.
Punch Mermaid: Bit hot under the collar, love?
A beach of shells along with a mermaid arose from within the bowl. She slapped me hot with a flipper before burrowing back into the cursed punch, leaving a tail on guard. Ready to strike with prowess of a rattlesnake. I better proceed with caution.
Logan Blades: YOU SCALEY BITCH!
My pocket dagger found its way into the bowels of the bowl. I stabbed, twisted, cursed, and stabbed harder than throwing a Crystal Sharpe into a locked locker door separating oneself from OCW gold. The mermaid lunged her sea salt nails into my wrist and down into the bowl yours went…
MERMAID PUNCHBOWL
Eyes filled with a cloudy punch of red. These surroundings unfamiliar to true reality, I sank into the depths of tainted kool aid. The bottom of the bowl touched my rear with a glassy thud, and I was finally able to make out the eyes of my fish woman captor - yellow - like Robert’s cowardice to cut a promo.
Punch Mermaid: These people are going to die because of you, Robert.
She noticed the nametag. I ripped it off along with the other four, looked into the underwater bowl of punch camera, and spoke with total confidence.
Logan Blades: It’s Blades… Logan Blades.
Bubbles of air erupted from my mouth and I swallowed some more tainted liquid, however I imagined the viewers among the world were jaw dropped and cheering to the reveal of Logan back in OCW… and with a last name?! I’m calling my work bestie right after! Besides, couldn’t go confusing myself with some Andrew Logan fellow from ten years ago in OCW, unless he was active and wanted to battle in a name on a stick match.
Logan Blades: But if any of your sea friends ask it was in fact Robert who helped the needy.
Punch Mermaid: He would have wanted better…
Logan Blades: Robert wants nothing. He’ll get nothing too. It’s another Monday for him, ‘Mer’. You see it’s me that wins. That gains. And what boils for us on the back burner? The culprit that locked me up last Monday. Robert is only the first chapter, a lukewarm introduction to a three years absence of savagery. Except I never really left did I…
A grin for your lens.
Logan Blades: Quite the opposite. OCW left me. And now here I am… crawling back to my rejector… I’m my very own Crystal Sharpe to a Logan.
Punch Mermaid: So why are you smiling?
Logan Blades: … because I love it. Close those doors again in my laughing face, OCW, no better yet wait like you did last time and don’t do it until I’m back on a darling thirteen win streak. Beat me once more and play that lovely tune and sing me to get the fuck out of here!
Even full of punch my laughter drowned deep back down into lungs before I settled myself.
Logan Blades: … and I’d love it even more, and it’s not just me ya’ know, or this place. The world is filled with heart shattering daggers waiting for you at every crook, robber, and cranny. The beauty of it is knowing it’s there, some pretend to think it isn’t, but it’s always lurking, and that’s the real fun of it to realize that any given mundane second you can be coaxed and hogtied into a van, violated and strangled, shot in the belly for twenty dollar bill and a nickel, or go to a foodbank because you can’t afford to feed your kids and some delightful fellow serves you poisoned fruit punch… hehe.. that is what keeps the madness churning and there's plenty of those goodies to last us all a lifetime here.
Propped my feet on a ice cube, leaned back into the bowl, and boringly blew a few oxygen bubbles into the red gunk.
Logan Blades: You know what would really get my rocks off, Mer’, if Robert threw his face on a television screen and then followed that up with defeating me and winning at Massacre. That would be a joy. That would be the robber waiting for you around the corner, the thing lurking that steps out every now and then to take a chomp and bring a fellow down… but that’s not going to happen right? Can’t I pretend that danger isn’t there like everyone else.. oh but it’ll be that much more fun if it does! That’ll really grease the wheels for our ride in OCW. Robert, how bout it?
With dramatic effect I tried pushing my face flat into the glass like a cartoon character as I began to witness the homeless attendees violently vomit my unique recipe.
Lives clearly ruined, I patted myself on the back, feeling like a great personal reminder for the surprise tragedy that shadows everyone in life just waiting to leap. Maybe they’ll see a loved one and hug them harder next time, maybe the paranoia would only be short lived, and the pretending would return. Maybe with a few more backhands to Crystal I could finally return to a lovely dinner table and glass free sandwich. Maybe all this wondering made my brain ill. Whatever the case, I would certainly need much more fun thrown my way after Robby boy.
