Post by Marcus Welsh on Feb 26, 2023 18:24:15 GMT -5
~January 28th, 2023~
~Khartoum, Sudan~
It was a fine day in the lovely slums of Khartoum. The sun was out, and the Goons were out. All of them working hard in Ball Ball’s Souper Kitchen. It was a busy day after all, the month of January is not an easy one for the Goons. Everyone had just had a terrible Christmas, and now they’re in Ball Ball’s Souper Kitchen to maybe feel some love. The residents of Khartoum’s slums packed the house, lining up down the street just to get a nice meal. In the back of the Souper Kitchen, however, is Ball Ball and Goon 83.
Ball Ball: Now, listen Chris. Ball Ball understands you’re not cut out for greatness like Ball Ball. But Ball Ball has some faith in you.
Goon 83: Yeah, I’m no Ball Ball. But maybe this could be a good opportunity for me, you know? Maybe I’ll find a side hustle in life. Maybe I’ll become the next PIC!
Ball Ball: PIC? Are you serious right now? Why PIC?
Goon 83: Man, I don’t know. I always thought he was pretty cool. Double champ masked man and all that. People always seem interested in what’s going on with him.
Ball Ball: Alright, enough about PIC. Right now, Ball Ball has to get ready for your big debut.
Goon 83: You have to get ready? Why?
Ball Ball: Listen, Ball Ball will sign up for the PPV that’s coming in February. The plan is, instead of Ball Ball being there, you will take Ball Ball’s place. It will throw everyone off. If there’s leaks about who’s competing, nobody will know you’re in it. Which will give you the advantage over people. Nobody knows your moveset yet.
Goon 83: Hey, that’s not a bad idea, Boss. You think I’ll have a chance?
Ball Ball: This is the only way you’ll have a chance to win, if people know you’re coming, you’re screwed.
Goon 83 chuckles and shakes his head. The doors swing open as Lavar strides in looking proud as hell. He grabs Goon 83 by the shoulders and starts shaking him back and forth.
Lavar: ARE YOU READY TO BE THE GREATEST DAMN WRESTLER TO EVER GRACE THE EARTH!?
Ball Ball: Hey, Lavar. Ball Ball is the greatest. At least, you were supposed to turn Ball Ball into it. Yet here Ball Ball is. Not the greatest yet, and taking a step back. To do the job you were supposed to do on Ball Ball’s behalf. This god damn mysterious stranger, is still a mystery, and still a stranger!
Goon 83: That is true, Lavar. What have you done so far to contribute to this investigation? To my knowledge, fuck all.
Lavar: Excuse me boy? Who you think you are talking to me like that? If Ball Ball didn’t take a step back, Ball Ball would absolutely be the best wrestler in the world. Chris, what have you done for the investigation? Also to my knowledge, fuck all.
Goon 83: Hey, fuck you buddy. You’re literally only here because of the mysterious stranger. I know why you’re not looking. Because you know when we find him, you’ll have no reason to be around anymore. You’ll be doing what you were doing before Ball Ball. You’ll be back in California living off your son’s legacy.
Lavar gasps in shock. He looks to Ball Ball for him to say something, but Ball Ball stays silent. Lavar makes an angry face and runs out of the building, yelling something that didn’t sound like proper english. Ball Ball looks at Goon 83 as Goon 83 looks back at Ball Ball.
Ball Ball: Alright, listen here, Chris. You have to prepare for an OCW debut. Ball Ball is here to help. Ball Ball is pretty good at debuts.
Goon 83: Wait a minute, wasn’t your debut in Intercourse? Where everyone hated you and booed you off the stage causing you to try and walk back to the airport yourself? I don’t know if that screams ‘good debut’ in my opinion.
Ball Ball: Alright motherfucker. Ball Ball remembers. But this just means Ball Ball knows what not to do. So instead of doing a segment for your debut. You need to do something big. Something that will rock the world. A segment is boring. You need to be in a match directly.
Goon 83: A match first? The people won’t know who I am or what I do. How am I going to introduce myself?
Ball Ball: That’s easy, Chris. Just go out there and start fucking shit up. You’re a real American. Americans love Americans. So just run out there, the announcer dude will just say you’re from New York, and the crowd goes hog wild.
Goon 83: Shit, I mean, you’re not wrong about the Americans loving Americans. But I don’t think that cuts it enough, you know? I need to give the crowd something. Something big.
Ball Ball: Alright, how about this. Take a few days to ponder on it. Meet back here and discuss the options.
~January 30th, 2023~
A couple of days had passed, Goon 83 enters Ball Ball’s Souper Kitchen to present his ideas to him. But Ball Ball is nowhere to be found. In fact, the entire building was empty. No Goons were around, no customers, not even Lavar was in there. Goon 83 heads into the back to try and see if people were just trying to scare him, but nobody was in the back either. Goon 83 started lighting up people’s phones in hopes somebody would pick up and tell him what’s happening. But again, nobody answered. As Goon 83 was about to walk out of the Soup Kitchen, he sees a note on the door. The note reads:
‘Chris, Ball Ball understands you need to make a debut for OCW. Ball Ball apologizes that Ball Ball can not be in attendance for this event. You will have to take this on, on your own. But this could be good for you, Chris. Do not compare yourself to Ball Ball. You are Chris Grayson. Good luck.’
Goon 83 stares at the note blankly. He doesn’t know what to think about it. Did Ball Ball abandon him? Is Ball Ball gone for good? This can’t be true. Ball Ball doesn’t abandon the Goons. Unless he's not a Goon anymore? Had Ball Ball kicked him out because he was going at it on his own? All these thoughts raced through Goon 83’s mind. He thought of other possibilities for about 30 minutes. His idol, mentor, and leader had left him. He went into the back room to set up his plan. He grabbed a bulletin board and began to put pins in it. Pins holding up pictures of the OCW championships. In 3 corners he placed the OCW title, the Paradigm title, and the Craze title, as well as their respective owners.
Goon 83: Alright, so the step by step process to becoming the greatest of all time. Ball Ball couldn’t do it. So it looks like I’ll have to do it myself.
Goon 83 puts a picture of a pyramid on the board. He attaches strings from the pyramid to the OCW title.
Goon 83: This will be my debut. I will conquer the great illuminatus, and become the OCW champion. I will be better than Ball Ball. But at the same time, I will make Ball Ball proud. If he’s not proud, fuck that guy. What’s he gonna do? Take the belt from me? He couldn’t even get the belt for himself. I could’ve beaten Harmon. Shit maybe I’ll do that instead of the OCW one. I like PIC, and getting the Craze title will stick it to Ball Ball. It’ll show him I don’t need him, and I’m better than him. That’s it. That’s the debut.
Goon 83 removes the string from the OCW title and puts in to the Craze title instead. This was his goal now, to not win the entire illuminatus, but to get far enough for the chance to take on the Craze Champion. The chance to show Ball Ball who should’ve been in charge the whole time. Goon 83 writes a note and sticks it on the board. The note reads:
‘The Step by Step process to becoming the Goat
Step 1 - Make the best debut ever seen in the history of OCW
Step 2 - Gain a title shot
Step 3 - Win the title
Step 4 - Defend title
Step 5 - Win another title
Step 6 - Hold the titles for years
After completing these goals, I will be the GOAT’
Goon 83 takes a step back and smiles. He is proud of the plan he came up with, all on his own. But then, he hears the door open from behind him. Lavar walks in like he’s on a mission.
Lavar: Boy! Where the hell is everybody? Where’s Ball Ball? What are you doing he- Wait a minute. What the hell is this board for? Step by Step process to becoming the GOAT? 6 steps? What the hell? This is one of the worst plans I have ever seen! It’s not that simple Chris! You need details, you gotta take it one day at a time! You can’t plan this shit in advance!
Goon 83: Alright, Lavar. I have a plan. This is the rough draft. The details come later on. I got a good idea of what the debut is gonna be like, so how about you back off.
Lavar: Woah woah woah. Chris, buddy. I am just trying to help you out. Ball Ball didn’t make use of my help, so how about we use my talents on you instead? I know the insides and outs of marketing. I can put you over, Chris.
Goon 83: Put me over? How many times do I gotta tell you this, old man? You suck. You couldn’t put Ball Ball over. You won’t be able to put me over. How about you get out of here, before I have to tell you all of this again.
Lavar: You know what? Fine. Not my fault for trying. Don’t come crawling back to me when you need me. I’m going to find Ball Ball. Maybe I’ll be able to knock some sense into him. You suck, Goon.
Lavar runs out of the building again, leaving Goon 83 by himself. Goon 83 looks at his board.
Goon 83: Do I suck at making plans? Does this step by step process really suck? No. This can’t be. I will make this step by step come to life. I will become the double champ. I will defend my belts. I will be the face of OCW. I have to be. But maybe I should start small. Not the great illuminatus, but just a normal match. Maybe with a Sugar Valentine? Beat up Valentine on Valentine’s day? Yeah, I think that’s the move. I’ll just call up Thad right now and get it set up.
Goon 83 whips out his phone. He sees Thaddeus’ number and goes to click it. But before he does it, he sees a mysterious beverage sitting on the table. It appears to be water, but there is a note saying, ‘drink me’. Goon 83 puts the phone down and steps towards the drink. He slowly and hesitantly begins to pick it up. It’s almost as if the drink is calling to him. He examines the drink before he hears an unfamiliar voice.
Voice: Drink it Chris. Drink. It.
Goon 83 downs the beverage. He takes a step away from the table and takes a deep breath, just before passing out on the ground. In just a few moments, he wakes up in a blank void. Nothing around him except for a white light. He walks for a bit before he sees a figure.
Goon 83: He- Hello!? Hey! Can you tell me what’s going on! I’m a little confused right now. I need help!
The figure walks away deeper into the void. Goon 83 starts chasing after them. As Goon 83 started to sprint, the figure started to sprint. Goon 83 spent what felt like hours chasing after the figure, until he eventually caught up to it. Goon 83 tackled the figure down and looked it in the face. It was Ball Ball. He stares Ball Ball down as Ball Ball stares blankly back.
Goon 83: Ball Ball? What the fuck? Did you do this? Did you send me here? What am I supposed to do here?
Ball Ball: You are to figure it out for yourself. Believe in yourself, Chris. You choose your own destiny.
Goon 83: This doesn’t make any sense. Why was I brought here? Just for you to tell me what you already wrote on a note?
Ball Ball: It is for you to say goodbye, Chris.
Goon 83: Wait, you mean, you’re not coming back? I thought you were just letting me make my debut myself? I thought you were coming back later to help me, to be there for me, and to watch me succeed? Do you hate me?
Ball Ball: Chris, you need to understand. You were the lucky Goon. Anybody could have done what you did. You were just in the right place at the right time. Ball Ball has a new right hand Goon now, Goon 38.
Goon 83: Goon 38? Fuck that guy! That guy couldn’t tell his head from his ass! Ball Ball please, I need you.
Ball Ball: Chris, Ball Ball doesn’t need you. When will you realize that you don’t need Ball Ball?
Ball Ball begins to fade into the void like when Thanos snapped his finger.
Goon 83: No… Please… Ball Ball please…
Ball Ball disappears. Leaving Goon 83 in the void all by himself, with his own thoughts.
Goon 83: Ball Ball. Why have you done this to me? I did everything for you, and you leave me when I need you the most.
Goon 83 lays down and begins to tear up. He curls up, the only thing that’s going through his head is Ball Ball. The void begins to fade away. The room around him begins to become normal yet again. Goon 83 looks around. He sees the board with his step by step plan to become the best. He wipes the tears from his eyes as he stares into the board.
Goon 83: Step 1, make the best debut ever seen. I’ll show Ball Ball. I don’t need him. I’ll become the best on my own. The great illuminatus, here I come.
~Khartoum, Sudan~
It was a fine day in the lovely slums of Khartoum. The sun was out, and the Goons were out. All of them working hard in Ball Ball’s Souper Kitchen. It was a busy day after all, the month of January is not an easy one for the Goons. Everyone had just had a terrible Christmas, and now they’re in Ball Ball’s Souper Kitchen to maybe feel some love. The residents of Khartoum’s slums packed the house, lining up down the street just to get a nice meal. In the back of the Souper Kitchen, however, is Ball Ball and Goon 83.
Ball Ball: Now, listen Chris. Ball Ball understands you’re not cut out for greatness like Ball Ball. But Ball Ball has some faith in you.
Goon 83: Yeah, I’m no Ball Ball. But maybe this could be a good opportunity for me, you know? Maybe I’ll find a side hustle in life. Maybe I’ll become the next PIC!
Ball Ball: PIC? Are you serious right now? Why PIC?
Goon 83: Man, I don’t know. I always thought he was pretty cool. Double champ masked man and all that. People always seem interested in what’s going on with him.
Ball Ball: Alright, enough about PIC. Right now, Ball Ball has to get ready for your big debut.
Goon 83: You have to get ready? Why?
Ball Ball: Listen, Ball Ball will sign up for the PPV that’s coming in February. The plan is, instead of Ball Ball being there, you will take Ball Ball’s place. It will throw everyone off. If there’s leaks about who’s competing, nobody will know you’re in it. Which will give you the advantage over people. Nobody knows your moveset yet.
Goon 83: Hey, that’s not a bad idea, Boss. You think I’ll have a chance?
Ball Ball: This is the only way you’ll have a chance to win, if people know you’re coming, you’re screwed.
Goon 83 chuckles and shakes his head. The doors swing open as Lavar strides in looking proud as hell. He grabs Goon 83 by the shoulders and starts shaking him back and forth.
Lavar: ARE YOU READY TO BE THE GREATEST DAMN WRESTLER TO EVER GRACE THE EARTH!?
Ball Ball: Hey, Lavar. Ball Ball is the greatest. At least, you were supposed to turn Ball Ball into it. Yet here Ball Ball is. Not the greatest yet, and taking a step back. To do the job you were supposed to do on Ball Ball’s behalf. This god damn mysterious stranger, is still a mystery, and still a stranger!
Goon 83: That is true, Lavar. What have you done so far to contribute to this investigation? To my knowledge, fuck all.
Lavar: Excuse me boy? Who you think you are talking to me like that? If Ball Ball didn’t take a step back, Ball Ball would absolutely be the best wrestler in the world. Chris, what have you done for the investigation? Also to my knowledge, fuck all.
Goon 83: Hey, fuck you buddy. You’re literally only here because of the mysterious stranger. I know why you’re not looking. Because you know when we find him, you’ll have no reason to be around anymore. You’ll be doing what you were doing before Ball Ball. You’ll be back in California living off your son’s legacy.
Lavar gasps in shock. He looks to Ball Ball for him to say something, but Ball Ball stays silent. Lavar makes an angry face and runs out of the building, yelling something that didn’t sound like proper english. Ball Ball looks at Goon 83 as Goon 83 looks back at Ball Ball.
Ball Ball: Alright, listen here, Chris. You have to prepare for an OCW debut. Ball Ball is here to help. Ball Ball is pretty good at debuts.
Goon 83: Wait a minute, wasn’t your debut in Intercourse? Where everyone hated you and booed you off the stage causing you to try and walk back to the airport yourself? I don’t know if that screams ‘good debut’ in my opinion.
Ball Ball: Alright motherfucker. Ball Ball remembers. But this just means Ball Ball knows what not to do. So instead of doing a segment for your debut. You need to do something big. Something that will rock the world. A segment is boring. You need to be in a match directly.
Goon 83: A match first? The people won’t know who I am or what I do. How am I going to introduce myself?
Ball Ball: That’s easy, Chris. Just go out there and start fucking shit up. You’re a real American. Americans love Americans. So just run out there, the announcer dude will just say you’re from New York, and the crowd goes hog wild.
Goon 83: Shit, I mean, you’re not wrong about the Americans loving Americans. But I don’t think that cuts it enough, you know? I need to give the crowd something. Something big.
Ball Ball: Alright, how about this. Take a few days to ponder on it. Meet back here and discuss the options.
~January 30th, 2023~
A couple of days had passed, Goon 83 enters Ball Ball’s Souper Kitchen to present his ideas to him. But Ball Ball is nowhere to be found. In fact, the entire building was empty. No Goons were around, no customers, not even Lavar was in there. Goon 83 heads into the back to try and see if people were just trying to scare him, but nobody was in the back either. Goon 83 started lighting up people’s phones in hopes somebody would pick up and tell him what’s happening. But again, nobody answered. As Goon 83 was about to walk out of the Soup Kitchen, he sees a note on the door. The note reads:
‘Chris, Ball Ball understands you need to make a debut for OCW. Ball Ball apologizes that Ball Ball can not be in attendance for this event. You will have to take this on, on your own. But this could be good for you, Chris. Do not compare yourself to Ball Ball. You are Chris Grayson. Good luck.’
Goon 83 stares at the note blankly. He doesn’t know what to think about it. Did Ball Ball abandon him? Is Ball Ball gone for good? This can’t be true. Ball Ball doesn’t abandon the Goons. Unless he's not a Goon anymore? Had Ball Ball kicked him out because he was going at it on his own? All these thoughts raced through Goon 83’s mind. He thought of other possibilities for about 30 minutes. His idol, mentor, and leader had left him. He went into the back room to set up his plan. He grabbed a bulletin board and began to put pins in it. Pins holding up pictures of the OCW championships. In 3 corners he placed the OCW title, the Paradigm title, and the Craze title, as well as their respective owners.
Goon 83: Alright, so the step by step process to becoming the greatest of all time. Ball Ball couldn’t do it. So it looks like I’ll have to do it myself.
Goon 83 puts a picture of a pyramid on the board. He attaches strings from the pyramid to the OCW title.
Goon 83: This will be my debut. I will conquer the great illuminatus, and become the OCW champion. I will be better than Ball Ball. But at the same time, I will make Ball Ball proud. If he’s not proud, fuck that guy. What’s he gonna do? Take the belt from me? He couldn’t even get the belt for himself. I could’ve beaten Harmon. Shit maybe I’ll do that instead of the OCW one. I like PIC, and getting the Craze title will stick it to Ball Ball. It’ll show him I don’t need him, and I’m better than him. That’s it. That’s the debut.
Goon 83 removes the string from the OCW title and puts in to the Craze title instead. This was his goal now, to not win the entire illuminatus, but to get far enough for the chance to take on the Craze Champion. The chance to show Ball Ball who should’ve been in charge the whole time. Goon 83 writes a note and sticks it on the board. The note reads:
‘The Step by Step process to becoming the Goat
Step 1 - Make the best debut ever seen in the history of OCW
Step 2 - Gain a title shot
Step 3 - Win the title
Step 4 - Defend title
Step 5 - Win another title
Step 6 - Hold the titles for years
After completing these goals, I will be the GOAT’
Goon 83 takes a step back and smiles. He is proud of the plan he came up with, all on his own. But then, he hears the door open from behind him. Lavar walks in like he’s on a mission.
Lavar: Boy! Where the hell is everybody? Where’s Ball Ball? What are you doing he- Wait a minute. What the hell is this board for? Step by Step process to becoming the GOAT? 6 steps? What the hell? This is one of the worst plans I have ever seen! It’s not that simple Chris! You need details, you gotta take it one day at a time! You can’t plan this shit in advance!
Goon 83: Alright, Lavar. I have a plan. This is the rough draft. The details come later on. I got a good idea of what the debut is gonna be like, so how about you back off.
Lavar: Woah woah woah. Chris, buddy. I am just trying to help you out. Ball Ball didn’t make use of my help, so how about we use my talents on you instead? I know the insides and outs of marketing. I can put you over, Chris.
Goon 83: Put me over? How many times do I gotta tell you this, old man? You suck. You couldn’t put Ball Ball over. You won’t be able to put me over. How about you get out of here, before I have to tell you all of this again.
Lavar: You know what? Fine. Not my fault for trying. Don’t come crawling back to me when you need me. I’m going to find Ball Ball. Maybe I’ll be able to knock some sense into him. You suck, Goon.
Lavar runs out of the building again, leaving Goon 83 by himself. Goon 83 looks at his board.
Goon 83: Do I suck at making plans? Does this step by step process really suck? No. This can’t be. I will make this step by step come to life. I will become the double champ. I will defend my belts. I will be the face of OCW. I have to be. But maybe I should start small. Not the great illuminatus, but just a normal match. Maybe with a Sugar Valentine? Beat up Valentine on Valentine’s day? Yeah, I think that’s the move. I’ll just call up Thad right now and get it set up.
Goon 83 whips out his phone. He sees Thaddeus’ number and goes to click it. But before he does it, he sees a mysterious beverage sitting on the table. It appears to be water, but there is a note saying, ‘drink me’. Goon 83 puts the phone down and steps towards the drink. He slowly and hesitantly begins to pick it up. It’s almost as if the drink is calling to him. He examines the drink before he hears an unfamiliar voice.
Voice: Drink it Chris. Drink. It.
Goon 83 downs the beverage. He takes a step away from the table and takes a deep breath, just before passing out on the ground. In just a few moments, he wakes up in a blank void. Nothing around him except for a white light. He walks for a bit before he sees a figure.
Goon 83: He- Hello!? Hey! Can you tell me what’s going on! I’m a little confused right now. I need help!
The figure walks away deeper into the void. Goon 83 starts chasing after them. As Goon 83 started to sprint, the figure started to sprint. Goon 83 spent what felt like hours chasing after the figure, until he eventually caught up to it. Goon 83 tackled the figure down and looked it in the face. It was Ball Ball. He stares Ball Ball down as Ball Ball stares blankly back.
Goon 83: Ball Ball? What the fuck? Did you do this? Did you send me here? What am I supposed to do here?
Ball Ball: You are to figure it out for yourself. Believe in yourself, Chris. You choose your own destiny.
Goon 83: This doesn’t make any sense. Why was I brought here? Just for you to tell me what you already wrote on a note?
Ball Ball: It is for you to say goodbye, Chris.
Goon 83: Wait, you mean, you’re not coming back? I thought you were just letting me make my debut myself? I thought you were coming back later to help me, to be there for me, and to watch me succeed? Do you hate me?
Ball Ball: Chris, you need to understand. You were the lucky Goon. Anybody could have done what you did. You were just in the right place at the right time. Ball Ball has a new right hand Goon now, Goon 38.
Goon 83: Goon 38? Fuck that guy! That guy couldn’t tell his head from his ass! Ball Ball please, I need you.
Ball Ball: Chris, Ball Ball doesn’t need you. When will you realize that you don’t need Ball Ball?
Ball Ball begins to fade into the void like when Thanos snapped his finger.
Goon 83: No… Please… Ball Ball please…
Ball Ball disappears. Leaving Goon 83 in the void all by himself, with his own thoughts.
Goon 83: Ball Ball. Why have you done this to me? I did everything for you, and you leave me when I need you the most.
Goon 83 lays down and begins to tear up. He curls up, the only thing that’s going through his head is Ball Ball. The void begins to fade away. The room around him begins to become normal yet again. Goon 83 looks around. He sees the board with his step by step plan to become the best. He wipes the tears from his eyes as he stares into the board.
Goon 83: Step 1, make the best debut ever seen. I’ll show Ball Ball. I don’t need him. I’ll become the best on my own. The great illuminatus, here I come.