Zombie Ebert reviews Episode 1 of Season 1 of Ehud II

[Ehud Gray II]

Cheesy entrance music plays and the scene opens with a zombie version of Roger Ebert seated on a television set. The music quiets down and the camera zooms in on the zombie of what used to be beloved film critic Roger Ebert.

Ebert: FEED ME BRAINS!

A studio audience, which apparently exists, cheers wildly.

Ebert: in all seriousness, this week television saw the debut of the new Ehud II television show, affiliated with the OCW wrestling promotion. It promised to return television to the golden era of sitcoms when Seinfeld and Friends were reigning supreme. It even brought back a classic sitcom television theme in Streetwalker, the theme song to Sanford and Son. Sadly, Ehud II had none of the laughs of Seinfeld or Friends and also none of the heart of Sanford and Son. Ehud II fell flat on its face.

Ebert picks up what appears to be a severed human arm and gnaws at it for about four minutes while looking directly into the camera. Anyone who watches this and doesn’t change the challenge is super stoned or insane. But after those four minutes, he puts down the human arm and wipes the blood from his lips.

Ebert: These people are all funny people, but they’ve been put together in such a horrible and convoluted way. I hate them all and I want the Grimace to put them out of their misery. Ehud, the old ghost, was the only real charisma in the whole show. Instead of really funny lines, they used cheap gimmicks to get applause and then relied a lot on the so called proctologist licking food. They tried to explain why the fucking proctologist licks things and returns them to shelves, because for some reason this set of writers are NEUROTIC about justifying EVERY RANDOM THING THEY DO. 

Ebert looks like he’s about to have a melt down.

Ebert: Anyway, with this cast, I hope they can pull it back together when the crew get back to Moab and begin running for Sheriff. I like the idea of this Sheriff Rudolph and I hope they have someone spectacular cast to fill that role. And I hope they don’t immediately kill them, like this set of writers are notoriously known to do.

Ebert looks directly into the camera, his dead zombie eyes judging any writers that might be watching.

Ebert: I give Ehud II’s pilot episode a 1 out of 5 stars. I hope for Big Momma’s sake that the writing crew can pull out of this and really deliver a sitcom worthy of the advertising and that theme song. From Hollywood, this has been Zombie Roger Ebert. I wish you a good night.

The cheesy theme from the beginning plays again as Ebert reaches down to grab the arm and takes a bite. A loud scream is heard as he grabbed the arm of a living stagehand by accident. “Does this mean I turn into a fucking zombie!?” The stagehand screamed at he top of his lungs. “I think so,” an unknown woman answered. “MOTHER FUCKER! WHY DO WE HAVE A FUCKING ZOMBIE ON THE FUCKING TELEVI-“

The feed is cut off.

[ocwtv]

ROBOSISKEL : EHUD II (Review)


We open on a studio shot where a robotic form is scene in the dark next to a chair as a clip from EHUD 2 is shown.


Big Momma and Ehud II give THE PROCTOLOGIST a strange look.



II: Listen.. speaking of my grandfather.. we gotta talk.. I’m in this big match this week. I don’t even deserve to be in it, but I think because Grandpapa died-



Momma: Hold on.. did you just call him Grandpapa?



The audience erupts into laughter.



PROCTOLOGIST (laughing): That sounds so ridiculous.. you idiot..


Cuts back to Gene Siskel, now in robot form as he talks into the camera.


RoboSiskel: BLOOP BLAP BLEEP BLOOP! Daggers to kill the Grimace? Proctologists touching fruit snacks? Wrestling on a ship? These are some of the questions asked in the pilot episode of this EHUD 2 Sitcom I am reviewing today. I am RoboSiskel and my co-host is a garbage bag full of onion skins. BLEEP BLAP BLOOP!

Cuts to a garbage bag on onion skins sitting there next to the robot creature that is now Gene Siskel.

RoboSiskel: BLEEP BLOOP! This show is one of the worse pieces of entertainment since the last horrible thing I watched on television this year. And that was a German Sheppard dog taking a diarrhea shit in a grassy field I watched on Youtube. For one. There was no heart. No farts. No hearts and farts. Just tarts. Tarts that likely the disgusting Proctologist was licking and touching before people would consume them. The audience must have been on the dope as they laughed through this 'comedy' at ease. It's disgusting. Where were the OWL jokes? Where were the mustard references? Where were the owls eating mustard joke references? And how does this dagger stop the grimace? No one can stop the grimace. Sure if time stops he wins. But that will never happen. Life isn't a stop watch. It won't happen. So we have NOTHING to worry about. Sure they can spend KAHBILLIONS of dollars to put my brain and face on a robot form. But in no way, NO WAY, can time be stopped and the Grimace can take over.


Robosiskel sighs.


Robosiskel: As for the good. And there was very little. Momma was a charming character with some heart but not enough heart farts. And the moment Ehud 2 and grandpapa Ehud shared had some fart heart but not enough to pull us completely in. That being said. I have no choice but to give it one HUGE ROBOT THUMBS.... UP! Loved it. Bag of onions?


A raccoon can be seen digging at the Bag of onions as RoboSiskel swats it to go away. His back begins malfunctioning as sparks spray out of it. Some crew members rush the set and spray RoboSiskel with fire extinguishers.