Post by terrymarshall on Oct 20, 2023 11:10:59 GMT -5
*The scene opens to a small indy show at some rundown community center. Literally tens of people have just watched one of the worst matches in the history of the sport. Worse wrestling than Zybala trying to wrestle his pecker out of his pants to take a leak outside on a Buffalo winter morning. The crowd is ready to hit the snack stand and gobble some soggy glizzes down before the local veteran champion wrestles the local high-flyer who doesn't know how to throw a punch, but can do some cool flips. Unexpectedly, a knockoff storm trooper looking guy grabs the aux cord from the sound guy and plugs it into his phone. Over the two 10in subwoofers "Space Lord" by Monster Magnet begins to play. The crowd is very confused as Major Helmet appears from a side door.
The crowd cheers as Major Helmet is the biggest star to ever grace Local Wrestling League. Major Helmet gets in the ring and takes the mic. *
Major Helmet: Ladies and gentlemen of the galaxy, it is I, Major Helmet, the merchandise manager of S.E.X, the Major/Co-Pilot of the Starship Desolator, and the guardian of the galaxy! Today, I stand before you as a beacon of hope, as a force for good, and as a warrior for justice!
The time has come for me to return to Outsiders Championship Wrestling.
The time has come for me to return to Outsiders Championship Wrestling.
*The crowd cheers at the name drop of the slightly more popular wrestling company. *
Major Helmet: I return to the OCW Arena to face off against the notorious luchador, El Landerson. You see, El Landerson, you may be a legend in the ring, but I am the legend of the stars! I may have been a bit on the dark side in the past, but today, I've seen the light, and I've embraced the side of the heroes!
El Landerson, you may wear a mask, but I WEAR A HELMET! You think you can intimidate me with your flashy moves and your aerial acrobatics? Well, let me tell you something, my friend: the Schwartz is strong with me, and I've got a few tricks of my own!
I'm not traded in my Major Helmet for a hero's cape, but I will fight with honor the way Space Lord taught me to. I'm here to show the galaxy that good will always triumph over evil! El Landerson, I challenge you to a match like no other. No weapons, no gadgets, just pure, unadulterated wrestling! Let's settle this in the ring, masko a helmeto!
And when the dust clears and the referee counts to three, the galaxy will know that Major Helmet has reached his final form with a power level of over nine thousand, and that El Landerson, the luchador extraordinaire, has been defeated by the mighty Schwartz! May the Schwartz be with us all, may justice prevail in the ring, and may we all celebrate WITH S.E.X!!!
El Landerson, you may wear a mask, but I WEAR A HELMET! You think you can intimidate me with your flashy moves and your aerial acrobatics? Well, let me tell you something, my friend: the Schwartz is strong with me, and I've got a few tricks of my own!
I'm not traded in my Major Helmet for a hero's cape, but I will fight with honor the way Space Lord taught me to. I'm here to show the galaxy that good will always triumph over evil! El Landerson, I challenge you to a match like no other. No weapons, no gadgets, just pure, unadulterated wrestling! Let's settle this in the ring, masko a helmeto!
And when the dust clears and the referee counts to three, the galaxy will know that Major Helmet has reached his final form with a power level of over nine thousand, and that El Landerson, the luchador extraordinaire, has been defeated by the mighty Schwartz! May the Schwartz be with us all, may justice prevail in the ring, and may we all celebrate WITH S.E.X!!!
*Major Helmet drops the mic Chris Rock style as his music hits over the crackling speakers and the crowd cheers at the thought of celebrating with S.E.X. *